Chapter 47: Miyu in Another World


Cold was the blowing air and the snow beneath my toes in a white wasteland where only I was alive.

The only warmth I could feel was the warm blood that covered me. I stood against the wind as wolves lie in broken pieces scattered all around me. I stare at the foolish creatures before dismissing them from my vision. The land around me was nothing but snow, wind and blood. Some of that blood was mine, yet none of that mattered. This place was the domain of the Einzbern and I was their masterpiece. My head was burning up, but it wasn't just the fever or hypothermia settling in. For me, the cold should have been nothing but a heat sink to quench my overdeveloped magic circuits, but the cold and my wounds were the least of my pains. There was something that hurt far more as if my head was being split open in every direction. It hurt, but I found this pain reassuringly calming because I knew I wasn't alone. Mama was gone and papa was gone, but I had someone better who was more than a ghost.

He was a monster who towered over the cold white world, but he wasn't scary at all. He was the only one who gave this world color.

Born as an affront to the goddess of marriage, the demi-god was denied the life of a father and as a husband. The 12 labors were supposed to be an eternal sentence, but he overcame those trials and ascended, but his trials were yet over. He was denied the life of someone's father and I was denied the life of someone's daughter.

Our path from here on out may be nothing more than folly, but this is the only path for us.

Born as an affront to my mother's marriage, that little sister of mine who denied me the life that was supposed to be mine; it was only fair for her to share in our labors…


Warm.

Warm hands were pressed against my ears, but they were far too small to have belonged to anyone who has ever looked after me. Were these hands mine? My hands grip the wrists attached to my ears and I feel the soft caress of fine strands that weren't mine.

I open my eyes and see the red reflected in them. Eyes filled with tears and strands of moonlight.

"Illya…"

She brushes off my hands before they could brush her face, but her gaze doesn't drift away and I couldn't look away. I was never the best at reading people, but even I could feel her thinly veiled anger as her fine brows crease.

"You really are blessed aren't you?" was all she asks of me.

"I am."

That was the truth and there was no other answer.

"I'm sorry."

I was blessed. I was undeniably blessed. With the world at stake, there was someone who threw away all the other wishes in the world for my sake. The world that wasn't good enough was thrown away and I was gifted this one. That was why I had to protect it. This was a world where I was supposed to be happy, but I couldn't even grant his wish if it even was his wish. The fleeting happiness I obtained was always at the expense of those who protected me and I'm always late in expressing my gratitude. The mother I don't remember, the only father I have known, the one who became my brother, a sister I did not know, friends I took for granted and countless strangers. Saber had every right to abandon me, but it was Rider who paid the price. The person in front of me already had her suspicions. The person in front of me has already seen what I really am. The person in front of me already knows my sins, but that is why I can confess them.

"The power to grant any wish in front of him and he wished for my happiness because he was my older brother, but he was my brother because I wished for him to be….."

The sweet memory I treasured condemns me and I confess my sins before the most suitable judge. I stare at the Holy Grail that wasn't me, the white haired girl who wasn't as blessed as I was. The family that should have saved had condemned her. The maids that served her were here to ensure she fulfilled her duty. Her hero despite his will was summoned for no other purpose than to ensure that she fulfilled her duty.

"And?" is all she had to say in response as the floating thing next to her twirls about with what looked a camera lens.

The duty she carries will crush her to death, but not her pride and I was the opposite.

Illya was a lively girl with many expressions, but never hesitation. Hair that sparkled in the light, she was always dazzling; so much so I couldn't even register the danger when we first met. When I first met her she was smiling; she genuinely looked happy, but right now she wasn't smiling. Not sadness, not anger, I couldn't comprehend at all what she was feeling despite seeing her memories as well. My memory became hers and hers became mine. If there was anyone in this world that could judge me, it was her and only her; this world's Holy Grail.

With the power to grant any wish; judging me was the only wish she afforded for herself. If it was something that small, there was no excuse for me not to grant it.

"Whatever you wish of me, I will grant it," I say.

I wish for my words to come true, but I knew what happened to Rider.

"Then stop crying and smile," she asks of me with a bright smile that makes all others she made before look like a lie.

Surely my ears were malfunctioning because Illya's expression sours.

"…."

*slap*

Something flashes before my vision and something stings my cheek.

"Whoa!" was the voice that comes out of Illya's floating magical wand.

Illya held her outstretched hand that was responsible for the pain and delivers another slap across my other cheek.

*slap*

Her hand strikes true, but it was hardly enough to leave a mark. Berserker did not stir so I knew Illya didn't want to kill me, so I was prepared to take repeated blows, but the next blow becomes a caress. Her hand was far too soft considering the frostbite they were subjected to.

"You're lucky you have a cute face, so I'll forgive you just this once," she says with a voice sweeter than honey.

If anything else, as she wipes my tears away, my foggy mind clears as I realize we weren't the only people in the room.

"The more time I spend with you Einzbern and Emiya's, the less and less I seem to understand," Rin interjects as she witnessed the entire exchange.

"It's a power move!" Illya's magical wand exclaims.

It was only a momentary distraction as face I lock my gaze with my judge.

"So these are the Emiya wiles that Kiritsugu used to seduce mama…naughty," Illya mutters.

"…..?!"

I didn't understand anything she was talking about as my mind becomes muddled again. I could understand despair, but I could not describe what I was feeling right now.

"Emiya wiles?" the voice of Rin and voice of Illya's magical wand intersect.

"Kiritsugu liked to act all forlorn in front of people less blessed than he was. He was surrounded by people who led more miserable lives than him, yet they drowned him in their love until they had none left for themselves. He was so blessed, but those feelings weren't worth anything to him," was the small sneer my judge produces.

"…. …..People's feelings aren't worthless…he….," was the argument I form on my lips.

People's feelings had value, but the argument that takes shape in my head was hollow. Feelings weren't worthless, but they could not be quantified on the same scale as lives. A life that is lost can never return, but as long as someone lives, there is always the chance to obtain happiness, but my heart wasn't satisfied with that answer.

My happiness should not have outweighed a world on a scale, but that was the outcome at the end of a Holy Grail War.

At the end of a Holy Grail War, ten billion small lights were exchanged for my life and my happiness so I knew for certain how much my life was worth. I had an obligation to be happier than anyone else, but my heart could not tolerate someone who could be happy at the expense of everyone else. The Holy Grail that wasn't me had arrived at the same conclusion.

I needed to pay for my crimes, but I didn't have anything of equivalent value to pay.

Human lives had value, but was that the same for human feelings? People who always cry will have moments where they smile. People who always smile will have moments where they cry. Feelings were transient and fickle things that can't be quantified very well. If something couldn't be quantified, then how could it possibly have any real value?

"Kiritsugu wanted a world where nobody cries, yet did not place any value on human feelings especially his own. If human feelings had any value to him, it was only as another tool to destroy his enemies. He was a fool that made everyone around him cry…... No, he never gave mama that luxury," was the frustration that escapes Illya's mouth.

"Have you ever seen Shirou or Sakura cry?" she asks of me.

"No..."

In front of me, they were always smiling, but they were people who could keep smiling even after losing everything. Human beings could have that kind of strength so I had no excuses for myself. Rider was gone because of me and her eyes were always hidden. I was guilty, but the more I bowed my head, the angrier Illya became.

"I thought I had let my tears run dry and I thought only anger remained. As long as I vented out that anger, I would be smiling, but it seems suffering is the only result when dealing with an Emiya," she says of me.

"….I'm sorry… I'm sorry for being born," were words from the bottom of my heart.

*crash*

Something breaks in the kitchen and I rush towards the sound as my instincts carry me. For a moment I had forgotten that my father was no longer in this world. Beneath the feet of the Servant in the red coat were broken plates. Beside him was a maid by the sink who was absolutely dumbstruck.

"Archer?"

"Sorry about the plates," the Servant says.

"Maybe I should have asked Leysritt to put the dishes away after all?" Sella says.

Illya and Rin were standing behind me, but their focus was on Archer.

"I'm sorry Emiya, but it seems my Archer has a talent for breakings things," Rin says.

"….It's fine," I say.

"Is that what you always say to yourself? Nothing is fine. Nothing is fine and nothing has been since I showed up into your life with this Holy Grail War. It's fine to get angry. The life you escaped, the happiness you tried to obtain, you must hate me for destroying it all," Illya confesses her own frustrations I could not understand.

I couldn't comprehend her words even after seeing her memories. The difference between our lives was night and day. This world we both lived in was a product of a wish for me to be happy. Over these past 10 years, the harder her life got, the happier my life became. Her feelings were justified and my memories should have reinforced that belief.

"….on the Holy Grail, Shirou wished for a world where I could be happy and I was, but what about you? What about everyone else? If my happiness is predicated on everyone else's suffering…then…it's wrong for me to be angry…I can't discount the possibility that you were born to suffer in my place."

To everyone but Illya, what was coming out of my mouth must have been nonsense.

"What nonsense. You really believe this world didn't exist before you came along? Well, it seems Kiritsugu's arrogance rubbed off on you then," Illya directs those words straight at me.

"….Illya…what is Emiya talking about?" Rin asks and Illya's magical wand answers.

"You had me stuck in the basement for the longest time, but your head can't connect the dots? Wow, maybe the other two families were right, the Tohsaka really are slow!" Illya's magical wand exclaims.

"…I know what you are talking about, but it just sounds…..so this Emiya came from a parallel world?" Rin concludes.

"They both did," Illya reveals.

"Shirou fought and won a Holy Grail War. This world was what he wished for. A world where his little sister doesn't need to suffer and can be happy and she honestly believes this world didn't exist before she immigrated here," were words Illya says clearly.

"A world where I can be happy, I world where I wasn't even born… I'm sorry for being born…..but the fact I'm here must mean that I'm lying. If you're being kind to me right now, are you sure it isn't because of that wish?"

Illya raises her hand once more, but stops herself.

"Is there something wrong with your brain?" she asks of me.

"Nothing is wrong."

Everything was wrong, but my mind has never been clearer.

"Nothing is wrong? There are people who wish for you to be happy. There was someone who wished for you to be happy and only you over an entire world. I don't understand," she screams.

"But that's wrong."

My memory was hers so there shouldn't be any question. There shouldn't be any argument. It was wrong for me to be happy. It was wrong for me to be here. The world I left behind. This world that he wished for me…

"This world…."

"Okay stop talking, enough of your…. Emiya nonsense, I already saw your memories so I already know what you are going to say. I was envious before, but I'm even more so now, but that's why I can't stand you acting this way!" Illya yells.

My body was trembling.

"Then how should I be acting?"

"By my command seal….." Illya invokes as garish marks glow across her blemish free face.

The air tenses and materializing in front of me was the demi-god Heracles. In some ways, we were similar. There was someone that could not forgive our existence. We ourselves could not forgive our own existence for sundering the lives we wanted more than anything but to cherish. Before summoning Saber, there was no reason for me to have survived against him. Even in his madness, he must have hesitated, but children are frail; it was thanks to the cards I was a little tougher than his own child, but having lived a second life, I was a child only in appearance.

"Berserker, you shall not harm Emiya Miyu, Emiya Shirou or Matou Sakura under any circumstances."

The giant kneels, waiting and I stare at the girl who gave the order.

"What are you…"

"My Berserker is the strongest hero of them all. He can beat every other Servant directly, so this isn't even a handicap," as Illya cuts me off and gloats.

"So Rin's character is really rubbing off on you hasn't it my Master?" Illya's magical wand chimes.

"The Command Spell engraved on her body doesn't have a limit; she can always override it so that order doesn't mean anything. Also, what character?" Rin interjects.

"Tsundere?" was a male voice coming from another room.

"What was that Shinji?" Rin responds.

"…eeep!…."

There was only the sound of footsteps before Leysritt enters the room with Shinji over her shoulder like sack of potatoes. Illya walks over to her with arms crossed around her before turning her head to face me once again.

"That aside, the gist is that you'll be able to return to your happy ordinary life soon," Illya says to me with a smile.

"But this world is….."

"You really are insufferably self important just like daddy. This world exists beyond you. You're merely an immigrant, so be thankful for how kind this world was to you, but that was what your brother wished for after all. This is the world he wished for you to live in, but the world is just another word for the things you value. If you value family and friendships as you claim, there is no reason for you to be crying all the time. To be happy is your only duty. If you really believe human feelings have value, then you have to respect the will of others like papa never did. Your wish is not the only one that matters. A happy life is what Shirou wished for you to have so you shouldn't give it up so easily just because it makes some random strangers sad," she tells me.

"But you aren't a stranger…..you'll…."

"I'm not planning to sacrifice myself for you if that's what you're thinking, but I guess Emiya's are conditioned to expect that sort of thing happening," she says as she giggles.

"Easy on the death flags Illya! Do you know how hard it is to find another toy...I mean...contractor?" her floating magical wand chimes.

"Then what will you do?" I ask of her.

"I'll win the Holy Grail War. It's as simple as that," she says.

"But as the Lesser Grail, as more and more Servants perish, as you take more of them into your body, won't you die just like your mother did?"

"Unlike mama, I'm a Master in this Holy Grail War and you really think the Einzbern were stupid enough to send a Master destined to die before the Holy Grail War is over?" she says.

"Yes?"

I didn't know why, but Illya became even more agitated.

"Besides, why do you care? Your world was a happy place until I came along weren't you?" she says.

"There isn't anything in this world I don't value….. I love this world... I love this world so much... You included!"

"It's a confession!" the magical wand chimes.

"Don't pay any heed to it," Illya says.

It was then I realized I wasn't crying anymore. I was even….smiling?


The sky becomes dark as everyone makes small talk around the living room table…

"But that's the thing Illya, what are you planning to do against Saber?" Rin says.

My hands were no longer cuffed, but without the Cards I didn't have any real power. All I could do was listen in as the remaining Masters of the Holy Grail War discussed their next plan of action.

"Has the threat really changed? We were always going to have to fight Saber. It turned out Sakura wasn't much of an issue in the end with things like Ruby by our side and now she's lost her Card. Considering how we took out Sakura, that Heroic Spirit the Card is based on shouldn't be too tough. Shirou in the end is just a knock-off of Archer and he was only able to escape because you wasted your Command Spell remember?" Illya says.

"Shirou escaped?"

There were important things no one mentioned until now, but it seems Illya has given up on hiding anything from me. As I parse through the flood of memories I obtained from her, I felt I was being swept away.

"But now we have you, so negotiations are really their only option unless Saber strong arms the two of them. Besides, didn't you see my memories? Let's just hope your brother is less rash than you and doesn't rush in swinging," were Illya's words for me that bring me back to the present.

"Shirou…..doesn't have anything like a Pegasus, though grandpa Raiga did give him an old motorcycle that was apparently too dangerous for anyone to actually ride…. ….….a Yamaha V-max?"

"That thing next to Taiga-sensei's moped? Honestly, I was expecting your brother to come here to negotiate with us by now considering we have you…but just to be clear to him, you aren't our hostage or anything. Even I lived at a safe house when the Holy Grail War was happening 10 years ago…this is just an extension of that….," Rin explains.

"Yep, you just ignored curfew and ran around chasing a serial killer because at the bottom of your heart, you are a magical girl of justice, though I guess you're too old to be one now…," Illya's magical wand chimes again.

"Isn't Illya actually older than I am?" Rin argues with a sneer before her face twists in dread.

"Everyone down!" she yells.

"Rho Aias!" was Archer's voice reverberating across the rumbling ceiling and then there was a flash of light just like that day Shirou had found me in the old world…...