Watching that piece of shit boat float away was the most satisfying thing I'd experienced all day. But as the sun began to set and the day's buzz wore off, I knew I'd need something else to dull the sinister thoughts cutting into my brain like a knife.
I was second-guessing everything that I'd felt over the past week because, apparently, it'd all been in my head. Either Claire had been lying, or I was making something out of nothing. And honestly, I didn't have a clue which was more likely.
The closeness I'd thought we had was probably just an overreaction, some sort of attempt to make sense of our shitty situation. It also didn't help that Claire was the only person I'd had sex with in… much longer than I'd cared to admit. Or maybe I was just lonely, clinging to anyone that made me feel good in any capacity? Possibly all of the above.
I couldn't trust my judgment, and now, I couldn't trust my own feelings. Whatever connection I'd thought Claire and I shared was nonexistent, surely some dumb idea I'd concocted out of desperation. My brain needed a break… I needed something to keep me from spiraling. I knew Kai wouldn't let me leave, but I wasn't sure if I'd be able to keep it together sober.
So it was no surprise when Kai and I ended up back at his liquor cabinet after sending the valley people on their way. Ann wasn't around to get on me, but part of me didn't care anymore. Looking back, I wasn't even sure why I'd agreed to her request. As if somebody like me could change. All I ever did was let people down; it was bound to happen eventually. If anything, it was better this way… it would hurt Ann worse if she got her hopes up, and I let her down further along the line.
Or so I told myself.
After finishing off what remained of Kai's tequila and breaking into a familiar bottle of whiskey, we returned outside to the darkening beach. Breezes of cool evening air against my skin were a refreshing change of pace from earlier, almost like a sign to let go of everything that had happened in the blistering heat. Numbness began to drown out the worries floating around my brain, and my only concern was sustaining it for the rest of the night.
"Be back in a little, buddy," Kai said with a pat on my arm before hopping into the sand. He bee-lined for Popuri, scooping her from her conversation with Rick, Karen, Ann, and Claire and ushering her towards the dock.
When I stumbled down onto the beach, Ann defected from the group to meet me halfway. "You guys get everything taken care of in there?" she asked, carefully eyeing me up and down.
"Yep." I avoided her gaze, knowing I'd be exposed the minute I looked.
Instead, my eyes ended up on Claire as she squeezed Karen's hands and giggled about whatever the two and Rick had been talking about. I waited for my jaw to clench or my shoulders to tense but only felt gnawing in the pit of my stomach.
Ann took a few steps closer, and I instinctually took a step back. She opened her mouth to speak, then promptly looked over her shoulder, returning to me with a frustrated sigh. Without another word, she grabbed my arm and yanked me towards the stairs to Rose Square.
"The fuck are you doin'?" I asked as her feet stopped in the sand, pulling my arm away.
"What are you doing?" Based on the look she gave me, she knew exactly what I'd been doing.
I reached up for my hat, trying to find any reason to avoid that face. "What I do best."
"I can't believe you." Ann's eyes fluttered closed as she shook her head, a reaction I was getting too familiar with.
"You can't?"
My question caused her to slowly deflate. "I don't know… you just seemed like you were doing better with drinking lately..." The disappointment on her face made my chest ache. I hated knowing that I was letting her down again… but it just seemed inevitable. "So what happened to moderation? That was just a lie?"
Why did she even care so much? Sure, I hadn't been drinking the past two days, but I wasn't about to admit that Kai and I had been fried the entire time instead. How was that better? Even after following her guidance, I still felt shitty. As if not drinking was going to be some magical fucking solution.
"Thought you weren't my mom?" I knew she was right; I was painfully aware of how I'd been using alcohol. But I didn't know what else to do. All I could do was deflect.
Her icy blue eyes sharpened in my direction. "Um, you're the one that asked for my help, remember?"
"Yeah," I scoffed, "cuz all your other advice worked out so fuckin' well."
"What are you talking about? You said you two were fine." Ann glanced over her shoulder before tilting her head at me. "Is Claire still mad at you or something?"
I fought the urge to look over there too. "Don't think so."
"Then why are you so upset?" Ann threw up her hands, annoyance returning to her voice. "Wasn't that the goal?"
It was the goal, though I couldn't help expecting the situation to go in a very different direction than it had.
Ann let out a groan at my silence. "Gray, you can't take it out on me because Claire didn't immediately come running into your arms. She probably just—"
"Don't care." I'd started drinking again to get my mind off of Claire, and Ann wasn't helping in the slightest.
"Why are you being like this?" She let out a deep breath and took a step closer. "Maybe slowing down and actually getting to know each other isn't the worst idea in the world."
She rolled her eyes when all I did was huff in response to her blind optimism. "And don't you think you should tie off whatever loose ends you and Mary still seem to have before running headfirst into something else?"
"Not like it matters." I wanted the conversation to end. Handling the aftermath of fucking over Mary was just another at the top of my list of shit I didn't want to think about at the moment.
"No, Gray, stop saying that." Ann placed hands on my arms and looked up at me earnestly, gently shaking with each word, "How you feel matters! But you need to stop taking it out on everyone else." She dropped her arms, but her glare returned, "And stop taking it out on the bottle. It's not doing you any favors."
"It's not?" My brows furrowed, unable to fight the way my lip curled up at that statement. "Cuz I feel a hell of a lot better now than I did earlier."
"Yeah, well, let me know how you feel tomorrow," she retorted, turning her head to the side. Ann's eyes widened within seconds, and she turned back to me with a whisper, "We can talk more then."
The thought alone was enough to dread. I didn't want to talk about it at all.
Ann's entire demeanor flipped in an instant as she shifted towards the stairs. "Oh my gosh! You came!" She ran up to Cliff as he reached the bottom of the steps, stopping in front of him like she was going to tackle him before catching herself.
"Ah, yeah." Cliff rubbed the back of his neck as he looked down at Ann with a wry smile, "Between you and Kai, I figured one of you might hunt me down if I didn't."
Ann giggled as the two took a few steps in my direction. "Yeah, we were about ten minutes away from sending Gray here to sniff you out. It's a good thing you came when you did!"
Cliff looked over to me, but after our last conversation, not to mention where I'd just left off with Ann, I couldn't look him in the eye. "Hey," he offered.
"Yo," was all I could give back. I wanted to feel relieved that Cliff had shown up, but I knew he was just going to be another person I was letting down.
Ann's eyes darted between Cliff and me. "Wow, you two sure are chatty tonight." She patted both of us on the arm but turned her head to Cliff. "Let's get back over there. I'm sure everybody's gonna be so excited to see you!"
It was too tempting to leave. The stairs were right there. But as much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn't. So I followed Ann and Cliff as they returned to the group, despite wanting to do anything but.
"No way!" Karen yelled as we approached, thrusting a newly acquired shovel into Rick's hands and leaving him and Claire behind. "Look who decided to grace us with his presence!"
"Karen.." Ann scolded, playfully pushing her friend.
"What?" Karen moaned back as she glanced between Ann and Cliff. "I'm just teasing! Can I be happy to see the guy? Jeez."
"Hi, Karen," Cliff greeted her with a chuckle.
"Cliff," Rick nodded his head with a polite smile, gripping onto the shovel for dear life. "How're you?"
"Um, good, thanks," he responded, carefully eyeing Rick's death grip. "And yourself?"
Rick held up the shovel, his composure threatening to slip. "Oh. You know." I wasn't sure if any of us actually knew.
Claire only offered Cliff a soft smile and a wave, which he wordlessly returned. When she glanced over to me with the same look, I immediately pulled at the bill of my cap, embarrassed that I'd been caught, let alone been staring in the first place.
"Rick here was actually just about to dig a pit for a fire," Karen announced, pulling my attention as she turned to Cliff and me. "Popuri said there's some firewood on the far side of the shack. Maybe you two could go grab some?" She'd phrased it like a question, but it wasn't like either of us could say no.
"Alright," Cliff cracked a smile. "We can do that."
It wasn't worth it to protest. I turned and headed for the shack, Cliff pushing through the sand not too far behind me.
"So… um, how are you?" I heard him ask after we'd made it about halfway.
"Fine," was all I could manage. That question always seemed to break me down, and he fucking knew that. I just had to keep walking.
We reached the far side of the shack in our most uncomfortable silence to date before he asked again, "Are you?"
"Yep." I fought to keep a straight face as I picked up a log from the stack against the wall. "Never been fuckin' better."
I could feel his eyes on the side of my face, practically praying that I would look, but I couldn't. "I see," Cliff said as he turned to gather pieces of wood in his arms.
My hand froze on the last piece I'd picked up. " I see," I repeated, hating the way he said those words. They just pried at everything I'd been trying to hold back. "Fuck you, man. You're really startin' to piss me off."
"I'm starting to piss you off?" Cliff cocked an eyebrow at me, and his left arm wrapped tightly around his collected logs. "As if I don't have a million reasons to be pissed off at you."
I went to grab another log but stopped on the surface, trying to think of anything to say. My muscles were tense, but my mind was blank. Cliff was right. He was fucking right, and I hated it.
"But you're mad at me? For caring?"
"With... all your condescending bullshit." I snatched the log and added it to my bundle, still avoiding his gaze. The words kept coming, whether I wanted them to or not, "As if people don't judge me enough in this fuckin' place."
"Gray..." he took a deep breath. "I'm not judging you. I'm just... worried about you."
I turned to leave, satisfied with my pile and ready for the conversation to be over. "Never asked you to."
Why was everybody constantly concerned about what the fuck I was doing? Wasn't there anything better they could do?
"How can I not?" Cliff said from behind. "Watching you just…"
I couldn't help the way my body snapped around at that sentence. "Watchin' me just what?" When Cliff didn't respond, my heart was racing, taking adrenaline along for the ride. Tension spread from my arms up to my neck and jaw, and I couldn't take it anymore. I had to ask again, but this time I was going to make damn sure he could hear me, "Watch me what? Just fuckin' say it!"
Cliff's rigid eyes were locked onto mine, but his mouth looked like it wanted to do anything but say it. "...Watching you.." his voice faltered, struggling to get the words out. "Watching you... drink yourself to an early grave."
"You're…" I looked down, searching for anything to say back to that, "you're so full of shit."
He didn't acknowledge my comment, but I could hear the anger building behind his voice. "You're going to do that to your family? To Ann? To Claire?"
"This isn't about them," I growled back, finally meeting his gaze with a glare. Bringing up Claire and Ann was a low fucking blow, and I wasn't sure how much longer I could go without losing my shit.
He took a step closer, wide eyes focused on mine. "How is it not? Ann worries about you too!" The exasperation in his voice was evident as he continued, "And Claire might not know what you're doing now, but do you think it's fair to her or—"
"Like you're one to talk!" That was the final straw. The pile I'd been clinging to clattered to my feet as I moved closer. "Disappearin' without a fuckin' trace, let alone a word to anyone else!"
"We're not talking about me right now," he defended calmly, looking down at pieces scattered by my feet.
The words were coming before I had a chance to think about them. "Ann's worried about you too! Tryin' to put all this on me, that's fuckin' bullshit."
"That's… between Ann and me," Cliff replied with that same composure I envied. "I'll deal with it myself."
"Deal with it?" I took a step closer, eyes locked on Cliff's. "If you hurt her…"
"I don't want to fight with you, Gray," Cliff responded sternly, his dark brown eyes making no attempt to back down.
My mind and body fought to make a choice. What was I supposed to do? Ignore the impulse to let everything out at once? Give in to it and fight with him anyway? As mad as Cliff was making me… and as much as I wanted to… it wasn't worth it.
I relaxed my jaw with an exhale and crouched down to pick up the wood at my feet before I changed my mind. "Then what do you want?" I spat, collecting pieces in my arms. "Why keep bringing this shit up?"
Cliff let out a similar breath and looked past me towards the beach. "I... don't," he started quietly, "I just… don't want to have to worry about what you might do when I'm gone."
My arms froze, and I looked up. "When you're gone? The fuck's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing," he muttered, sidestepping my spot in the sand. "Forget it. We'll talk when you're sober." I wasn't able to get another word in before he was heading around the corner to the rest of the group like nothing had happened.
"I just… don't want to have to worry about what you might do when I'm gone."
Out of all of the things Cliff said to me, that brief comment was splintered under my skin. Despite the lack of honesty he gave me, he wanted to get on me about my habits? Bullshit. Why was he so worried about me if all he wanted to do was leave?
I stood up from my spot and followed Cliff in silence, despite the hundreds of questions I wanted to interrogate him with. When I caught up to him, he was standing beside Karen, waiting while she instructed the rest of the group. Rick finished digging his hole, Ann and Claire arranged mismatched beach chairs around the circle, and I was just ready to sit and be done with the whole charade.
"Here's your fuckin' firewood." I dropped the pieces by the newly assembled pit and wasted no time finding a chair.
"'Kay, attitude," Karen chided after me, waving her arm when I was about to sit down. "But sit somewhere else. Those are mine and Rick's chairs!" She turned back to Cliff, who helped her neatly arrange the wood in the pit, not allowing me an opportunity to argue.
Four folding beach chairs facing the horizon, away from the commotion, called my name. I plopped down in one of the tattered seats, barely three inches off the sand. It was more comfortable than sitting on the ground, but the chances of me getting up from that spot anytime soon were slim to none.
"Do you have any tinder?" I heard Cliff ask from the other side of the circle.
"Huh?" Karen replied, tilting her head in confusion."Any what?"
"What about kindling?" he asked again.
"I'll be honest, bud, I have no idea what you're talking about right now."
"Material to help the logs catch fire," Rick explained, tossing the shovel off to the side.
"We have a lighter?" Karen offered, looking between Cliff and Rick, "We can't just light the logs?"
The two exchanged glances and returned to Karen with forced straight faces. "Ah, no. It doesn't quite work like that, unfortunately," Cliff tried to let her down gently.
"Unless we have gasoline, right?" Karen replied with surprising excitement.
Rick let out a nervous chuckle, "Yeah… I don't know about that one. It's not exactly our safest option."
"I'm sure Ann and I can scrounge up something to use in the shack." Karen turned her head to Ann, who'd been in her own conversation with Claire off to the side. "Right, Ann?"
Ann's head shot up at the sound of her name. "What am I agreeing to?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.
"We need to find some…" Karen looked back to Cliff as if his face would remind her of what she was searching for, "kindles and tindering so Cliff can make a fire."
Ann narrowed her eyes and glanced back at Claire. "What did she just say?"
"Or gasoline! That works too," Karen added for clarification to nobody in particular.
"No, no, tinder and kindling," Cliff corrected before turning to Ann. "And you two would just need to find some newspaper or something. There's plenty we can collect out here."
"'Kay, c'mon, Ann!" Karen called, skipping towards Kai's. Ann turned to whisper something to Claire and reluctantly followed after Karen.
Rick and Cliff split up to collect debris from the sand, leaving Claire and I alone in the dusk. A rosy glow from the setting sun left it bright enough to see that she'd undoubtedly been staring at me, meaning that she'd noticed me watching her too. Our eyes were locked in stalemate for a few moments, and I waited for Claire to drop her head and act as if nothing had happened. But the minute that she crossed the circle towards my spot instead, I immediately stiffened in my seat.
"Well, hi again," Claire sang as she stopped in front of the seat directly to my left.
I took a breath in an attempt to ease my stiff posture, but the word still came out sharp, "What?"
"Is it okay if I sit next to you?" she asked as sweetly as ever. Like she hadn't just rejected me hours prior.
My eyes closed to stop them from rolling into the back of my skull. "It's not like I can stop you."
Claire took a seat despite the confusion on her face. "Well, you actually could stop me, y'know? If you really wanted to." She had a point when I really thought about it. But I didn't want to. I didn't want to think about her at all.
I had no idea what the hell Claire was doing. There she was, staring at me like she wanted me to say something, but the only thing I wanted to do was grill her. If she was so convinced that there was absolutely nothing between us, then why would she choose to sit by me, of all places? There were six other chairs she could have easily tried to sit in. Why try to start a conversation with me? The back and forth was infuriating. But at the same time, I didn't want her to leave.
"Did you have fun today?" Claire asked when she didn't get whatever cue she'd wanted from me.
I shrugged. Fun wasn't the first f-word that came to mind. "Guess you could call it that."
"So... how similar is this to what Beach Day is like?"
"Beach Day? Not at all." I wasn't sure why she was so curious about Beach Day, of all things, but when I thought about it, I didn't remember seeing her there this year. "Thomas puts it on, so there's more... structure? Frisbee and swimming competitions and shit, more people... also it doesn't revolve around Kai."
"Right," Claire laughed, that wide toothy grin chipping away at the front I was trying to put up. "Did you swim at all today? I didn't see you out in the water."
Why was she even bringing it up? "No."
Claire was silent for a second, eyes blinking in my direction with lips pressed tightly together. I wished I had any idea what would come next, but I was at a loss, as always.
"I knew it!" Claire pointed her finger at me with wide eyes and a grin to match.
"You knew wha—"
"You can't swim!" she accused me with the vigor of somebody whose life depended on it.
"Of course I can." I sat back in my chair, feeling my jaw tighten. "The fuck makes you say that?"
Her eyes narrowed at me as if she couldn't believe I'd even asked the question. "I mean… I knew you said you couldn't remember that night, but how do you forget almost drowning?"
"... What did you just say?" Almost drowning? There was no fucking way...
"When we jumped off the dock at Kai's?" Claire reminded me like it was common knowledge, full of fucking sass. "Like, you jumped in with me, and then when I came up… you didn't."
"I didn't?" So was the dream just a memory or something else?
"No!" She leaned against the metal arm of her chair with a peculiar excitement, breaking my train of thought. "I had to like, yank you out of the water! It was kinda scary, actually. Seriously, I thought I killed you for a sec," she laughed despite the contradicting words coming out of her mouth. "I was like, ready to give you mouth to mouth and everything! But you came to on your own, so I didn't have to, at least... not like that."
"Not like that?" I repeated, unable to hide my curiosity. "Then like what?"
Claire swiftly sat up, producing an airy laugh I'd never heard her make. "Uh, haha, like nothing! Forget I said it. Just, like, in retrospect, maybe it wasn't the best idea considering how drunk we were, y'know?" She spoke so fast I almost didn't catch it all, but she made a point to slow down for her last sentence. "But I definitely wouldn't have suggested it if I knew you couldn't swim."
"I can swim." She'd dumped so much information on me I wasn't sure what else to say. So had she just fucked me because she felt guilty about almost killing me? And why hadn't she told me sooner?
Her head nodded towards the water. "Prove it then."
"No. Don't feel like it." I looked over to the darkening water, somehow looking even less appealing than it did earlier. "I was just blacked. That's why I… did that."
I heard Claire lean back in her chair with a huff, "Your version of blacked-out and my version of blacked-out are very different."
There'd been a lot of pent-up emotions behind that particular blackout, but I wasn't about to admit that. Clearly, I'd admitted enough to her for one day.
"It's not something I do often," I said, realizing it was essentially a lie as of late. "Just… that night."
"I… guess that makes sense, y'know… given what happened," Claire replied in an uncharacteristically hushed voice. Her gaze moved from me to Ann and Karen as they approached the circle, ending our conversation on sight.
What was I supposed to say to that? All I could come up with was a shaky, "Yeah."
"We found lighter fluid!" Karen sang to us as she proudly displayed it like a trophy.
"And newspaper," Ann added, intently watching Karen handle the boldly colored bottle. "So we probably don't even really need the lighter fluid..."
"No, we do." Karen popped the cap off the container and eagerly doused the pyramid of logs, despite Ann's protests.
Cliff and Rick watched Karen in horror as they returned with hands full of leaves and twigs. Rick dropped the materials and ran over to stop her while Cliff organized all their collected items underneath the wood. Ann crouched down next to him with a stack of newspaper, following his lead as he crumpled balls to fill the spaces.
Claire watched the scene with attentive eyes. I waited for the moment she would get up to join the rest of the group, but that moment didn't come.
I sat back in my chair and watched as Karen did the honors of lighting the creation. After a few moments of smoldering papers at the base, the entire wood stack ignited into tall flames, illuminating the circle with an orange glare. The fire raged in front of Karen, who cheered and turned to high-five everybody that'd helped her plan come to fruition.
Everyone found their seat around the circle, Ann settling into the spot next to Claire, Cliff on the other side of her, and Karen and Rick in the following chairs. Two empty spots remained on my right side, waiting for Kai and Popuri, who hadn't left their place on the dock.
My eyes were glued to the rising flames, but I could feel Claire's burning into my side. It was hard enough to handle being in such close proximity to her, but her apparent desire to get my attention made it all the more challenging. I wasn't sure if I should look or tell her to fuck off, so I kept my head forward.
"Is it weird having Kai leave every summer?" she asked out of the blue.
I shrugged, not moving my attention to answer. "Used to it by now."
"Are you going to miss having him around all the time?" So many fucking questions, as usual.
"I dunno, couldn't imagine having that fucker here year-round, but…"
"But…?" She leaned forward in her seat, carefully inspecting me until a smirk spread across her lips. "You're gonna miss him. I can tell by your face."
I sat back and reached for my hat, suddenly self-conscious about how much of me she was seeing. "Yeah, right. I'll finally get some peace and quiet with him gone."
"Sure…" Claire trailed off, turning back to the fire. "He definitely makes the summer here interesting."
I gave a half-hearted nod in agreement. She didn't even know the half of it.
"You two are strange friends to me," she started up again when I didn't give her more of a response.
I finally shifted my eyes to meet hers. "What makes you say that?"
"You talk about Kai like he's some sort of pest," she answered, sitting back in her chair and crossing her legs. "Kai talks about you like you're the most amazing person to ever walk this Earth."
I didn't want to admit it, but he probably only talked like that to make me look good in front of Claire.
"He's not a pest…" I attempted to defend my friend, but the word was actually a pretty decent descriptor. "He's just… invasive sometimes."
Claire raised her eyebrows. "Pests can be invasive. Like, by definition, I'm pretty sure pests are invasive."
"Yeah, 'invasive pest' is a great way to describe Kai," Rick joined in before taking a sip of a beer I was sure Karen had procured for him.
Karen lightly hit his arm. "Hey," she warned, "you've been doing so well today."
"It's the truth!" He turned to Karen and groaned at her reluctance to agree. "Sorry I'm not 'totally having a blast' watching my sister get swept off her feet by that…'' when she shot him a stern look, he sighed and relaxed back into his chair, "guy."
"And I appreciate you being such a trooper. You know I really do," Karen said, running her hand along his forearm and interlocking her fingers with his. "But maybe you could focus your attention elsewhere? Worrying and nagging 24/7 isn't going to help. We've been over this."
"I…" Rick gave her hand a squeeze before letting go to motion towards the dock behind him. "I can get over being around the guy. But how am I supposed to celebrate knowing he's leaving her tomorrow to go… galavant wherever the hell he pleases for the rest of the year? How can any of you?"
"They're adults, Rick," Claire called across the fire. "Their relationship isn't any of your business. If that's what Popuri wants to do, it's her choice."
"Ah, I forgot your new to this whole thing, Claire." Karen brought her hand to her temples and released possibly the world's most dramatic sigh. "I've tried that one before."
"Yeah, you'll see what I mean in a few days," Rick grumbled towards Claire. "When you see how she is after he leaves, you'll be on my side too."
"'Kay? People are allowed to be sad! And if Popuri wants to be sad for a little, let her be sad," Karen argued back. "It's her life. She knows what happens at the end of summer. If that's what she wants, then we just have to support her."
Rick shut his eyes and brought the can up to his mouth to drink. "That's easy for you to say. You're not the one that has to pick up the pieces."
"What pieces?" Karen looked around as if she'd find something physical in need of picking up. "Nobody's asking you to pick up anything, Rick!"
"What else am I supposed to do?" Rick took a deep breath and pinched his nose under the bridge of his glasses, fingers moving to rub his eyes. "I feel so… helpless. I don't know what else to do besides tell her not to be with him."
I couldn't imagine admitting to feeling helpless to an entire group of people, let alone being so openly vulnerable.
"I don't know... Have you tried listening to Popuri?" Karen leaned towards him and waved a hand at the rest of the group. "Or really any of us when we say that it's not your job to tell her what to do?" She looked across Cliff to Ann, "C'mon, rational thought, can you help me out here?"
Ann sighed and shook her head, "I don't know if I wanna touch this one again."
"Trying to control Popuri is just going to push her further away. You realize that, right?" I was surprised to hear Claire chime in again. The sentence was spoken with a certain edge that made me wonder if it came from experience.
"Thank you!" Karen exclaimed, turning back to Rick. "See what I mean? It's not just me."
"Let's just drop it," Rick admitted defeat, bringing his palm to his face. "I don't want to argue about this with you right now. With any of you."
Karen leaned in to whisper in Rick's ear, and I looked past the couple to the dock. Kai and Popuri remained untouched by the contention their relationship was causing, dangling their feet above the water as the pastel sky darkened in front of them. I doubted their relationship was perfect, but I had to admit that they seemed happy together.
The masses appeared thankful when Ann shifted the discussion towards the excitement for fall, effectively distracting everyone from the previous quarrel. The conversation went on around me, and I fought the urge to close my eyes. With the earlier friction finally settling and the fire's comforting warmth, I felt like I could genuinely fall asleep if left undisturbed for much longer.
"Did you guys miss us?" I heard Kai call as he and Popuri approached from the dock. His face lit up when he noticed Cliff sitting between Ann and Karen. "No way! What's up, Cliff? Glad you could make it."
"Yeah, it's uh, good to be here," Cliff replied with a smile and only a fraction of Kai's energy.
"We got the fire going, no help from you two," Karen added as Popuri and Kai stood behind their empty chairs.
"That looks like my shovel, my chairs…" Kai raised an eyebrow, searching the sand by our feet. "And… my lighter fluid?"
"'Kay, with minimal help from you," Karen corrected herself.
Popuri nudged Kai and lifted her head towards the shack. "We have something else to contribute too, don't we, babe?" I had to hold back a snicker at the way Rick just about gagged at his sister's last word.
"OH. You're right, we do," Kai replied with a smirk, throwing an arm around Popuri. "We'll be right back!"
Rick watched the couple saunter away towards the Snack Shack with eyes wider than his glasses. Karen seemed to catch him, placing a hand on his shoulder and dipping her head down.
"You really think that's what they're going to do?" she whispered, knowing exactly what was on Rick's mind. "You think they're that stupid?"
"They have two minutes before I go over there," Rick replied as the door slammed behind the couple.
"No. You're not," Karen said sternly, moving her hand down to his. "You're staying right here." He wrapped his fingers around hers, but his eyes were still glued to the door.
Kai and Popuri popped out not even a minute later, three bottles of wine and a stack of red solo cups in hand. Rick relaxed into his seat as the couple returned to their spots and stood before the group.
"In true Mineral Town fashion," Kai announced in his worst Mayor Thomas impression, "I figured it was only right to celebrate with the local delicacy." He set two of the wine bottles in the sand and got to uncorking the other. "These were hand-delivered by Manna herself, so be sure to give her a big thanks next time you see her."
"I will never understand why Manna loves you so much," Ann complained across the flames.
Kai passed Popuri the bottle of wine after a loud pop. "Probably because Kai will sit there and gab with her and Mom for hours," Popuri admitted with a giggle. "You should hear them. They're like schoolgirls!"
"I don't know about hours..." Kai murmured as he turned to pick the cups off his chair.
"No. It's hours," Rick said with a huff.
Kai nodded his head towards Rick and tossed the red stack of cups into his lap. "Take one, pass it, will ya?"
Rick pulled out a cup without taking his eyes off Kai and then thrust the stack towards Karen. Popuri wasn't far behind, emptying the wine bottle, starting with her aggravated brother.
"Try not to damage the cups; they're restaurant property," Kai teased as they made their way around the circle.
When Karen handed the stack to Cliff, his hand gingerly grazed the top before stopping.
"You don't have to," Ann swooped in to whisper.
"Oh. Um, no. It's fine." He pulled a cup out and handed her the stack with a soft smile. "Sorry, I was just thinking about something."
Ann slowly pulled a cup out with a wide grin. "Well, if you are, I will too!" She tried to hand the stack to me, but Claire snatched it out of her hand as it passed.
When Claire pulled a red cup from the masses, Ann did a quick scan and scooted closer to her friend.
"Um, what are you doing?" Ann just about hissed, trying to keep her voice low.
"I have a plan," Claire replied quietly, handing the cups to me without looking. "Don't make a scene."
Ann silently retreated back into her seat, not even glancing in my direction when I took a cup and passed the two remainders to Kai. After filling Karen's cup to the brim, Popuri emptied what remained in Cliff and Ann's cups. As if on cue, Kai started opening the second bottle.
When he was struggling to pull the cork out, I heard Karen yell to him, "If you give it to Claire, she can open it with a shoe!"
The cork popped before Kai responded, "You should have told me before!" He turned his head to Claire, "I didn't even know that was possible."
"Well, y'know, desperate times, desperate measures," Claire shrugged with a chuckle.
Kai laughed as he moved to fill my cup with a pour that could rival Karen's. I had to take a long sip to stop it from spilling over the edge, but my eyes were glued to Claire as she lifted her cup to Kai. Past her, I noticed Ann and Cliff doing the same.
"You'll have to show me your trick sometime," Kai said flirtatiously as he returned the bottle upright, no sense of shame on his smug face. It just made me want to kick his legs out from under him.
Claire lowered her cup with a fake smile. "A good magician never reveals their secrets."
"Okay, Houdini." Kai shook his head and turned around. "Let's get a few of those in ya, then we'll see about that," he called over his shoulder on the way back to his chair.
That was the last thing that needed to happen. What the hell is her plan?
Kai finished off the second bottle filling his and Popuri's cups, and stood before the group with his wine in the air. "I think it's about time we—"
"Cheers-ed," Karen interrupted him. "Yeah, we know. Aren't you running out of things to cheers to yet?"
"How about…" Kai paused for a second, enthusiasm eventually returning to his face, "to having friends that make leaving so hard!"
Karen and Popuri seemed completely enamored by Kai's dedication, but Rick just rolled his eyes. The rest of us were just trying to hide how intently we were eyeing a certain blonde's cup.
Claire noticed me staring out of the corner of her eye and turned her head ever so slightly. While Ann got somewhat of a verbal response to her confusion, all I got was a wink and a sly smile before she turned back to the fire. I wasn't sure if I was more frustrated with how indecipherable that look was or how easily it sent the blood rushing to my face.
As the group lifted their cups in the air and knocked their head back to drink, Claire mimicked the movement. But right as she lifted the cup to her lips, her eyes darted around the distracted circle, and she quickly poured a splash of wine over her shoulder into the sand.
I almost choked on my drink, holding back a laugh. If anyone else would have seen Claire actually execute her 'plan,' it would have been easily foiled. She was just lucky everyone else on the other side of the circle hadn't been looking. I glanced over at Ann, who'd visibly relaxed but shook her head anyway, while Cliff seemed to mirror her relief.
The only thing more laughable than Claire's 'plan' was how pleased she looked with pulling it off. If you could even call it that. When those big blue eyes caught me staring, she inched her chair closer to mine with a confident smirk.
"Did I trick you?" she leaned in to whisper, inflicting a weakness in my limbs that made me thankful I was already sitting down.
"You had me for a second there." I lowered my voice to match hers and nodded towards the dark imprint in the sand. "But the execution was a little sloppy."
She narrowed her eyes at me, but that smile wasn't going anywhere. "Yeah, says you."
"I'd be careful lettin' Karen see you do that." I took a long sip and motioned towards her cup with mine. "That's a waste of perfectly good wine."
Claire reached across both our chairs and grabbed my other arm, pulling me towards her before I had a chance to think about what she was doing. She did another scan around the fire before leaning over the arm of her chair towards me. As she swiveled her shoulders away from the rest of the group, I realized she was using our torsos to block the cups between us from everyone else's view.
"Well, there's no reason to be wasteful, right?" she teased, just barely above a whisper as she brought her drink to meet mine.
I watched her attempt to discreetly transfer the wine to my cup, striving to hide how much I enjoyed being held captive by her. "Yeah, guess not…"
When I looked up and saw the reflection of the fire in her eyes, I realized how close our faces were. She could've pulled away, but she didn't. And that cold hand wrapped around my forearm didn't feel like it was going anywhere anytime soon. With only inches separating us, I hated that all I could think about was how easy it would be to kiss those lips. I mean… fuck, I could feel her breath on my face.
Before I could muster up a plan, let alone the courage to act on it, Claire sat up straight and looked away as she released me, our fleeting moment a thing of the past… and probably a figment of my selfish imagination. I copied her behavior, not wanting to seem any more pathetic than I was feeling.
"Wait, before I forget!" Karen called over the fire to Kai, bringing me back to whatever conversation had started during my lapse in sanity. "You're still gonna let me borrow those speakers, right?"
"Oh, yeah, for sure." Kai reached over and patted my arm. "Gray and I can deliver 'em tomorrow before I head out."
Ann turned to Karen. "Deliver them to… your house, right?" she seemed to clarify, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, duh. Until my birthday, then we'll have to bring them to the inn." Karen took a drink and leaned back in her chair. "No offense, but Doug's boombox doesn't quite cut it."
"Karen…no," Ann sighed. "We've been over this. Dad said you can't have your birthday at the inn anymore."
Karen scoffed, crossing her arms. "As if. Doug can't say no to me."
"Well… he did say no to you, remember?" Ann forcefully reminded her.
Karen took another drink and tilted her head as she brought the cup down. "Hmm… not sure if I recall."
"Figures," Ann muttered with an eye-roll. She leaned against the arm of her chair towards Karen, raising her eyebrows. "Do you seriously think Dad would let you after the stunt you pulled last year?"
"Ugh, Ann, that's so lame, and you know it." She finished off what remained in her cup and shook it at Ann. "Doug's gonna come around. I'll make sure of it."
"Yeah, well, he's not going to. So, good luck."
"Says you."
"No, says Dad. Are you even listening to me?"
Ann and Karen leaned closer to each other as they went back and forth, slowly sandwiching Cliff between them. He inched back each time one of them moved forward, but his eyes darted between them, the slightest smile in the corner of his mouth as he watched.
Claire tilted her head towards Ann and Karen, "Wait, what happened last year?"
The two stopped mid-argument and threw themselves back into their chairs. Ann took a deep breath and shifted towards Claire. "Last year, after Karen's birthday party, we had to replace one of the bar lights because somebody," she paused for emphasis, glaring towards Karen, "thought it would be a good idea to—"
"Claire, don't listen to her!" Karen cut her off, hastily climbing over Cliff with little awareness of either of their bodies, "Here's what actually happened." She forced herself into Ann's lap, sitting sideways and directly facing Claire. "So I was just dancing on the bar to Shania, as one does on their birthday."
"Naturally," Claire laughed, shaking her head with a mock eye-roll.
Karen put her arm around Ann's shoulders and leaned towards Claire. "And, like, alright, I may have lost my balance and damaged a light on my way down."
Everyone else in the group erupted in laughter, and I couldn't help but chuckle myself—we all knew that wasn't how it had gone down. Or really, how she had gone down.
"No, no, no," Ann called over all the laughter, putting a hand in front of Karen to block her from talking. "She didn't just damage the light. This woman was like… Tarzan! Swinging from the freakin' thing before she pulled it right out of the ceiling!" She rubbed her eyes and turned to Karen, "We had to replace the entire light fixture, remember?"
"'Kay? And I paid for it?" Karen met Ann's glare with her own, waging some unspoken battle with their faces only inches apart. Within seconds, Karen broke first, turning her face towards the fire with a huff. "I don't get why you and Doug are holding a grudge."
"Nobody's holding a grudge, Karen. It's not personal! Dad just doesn't want to be liable for your…" she stopped, searching for a suitable replacement for whatever Doug had actually said, "your… birthday shenanigans anymore. Seriously, every year it's something!"
"'Kay? And everyone has fun, don't they?" She looked around the circle to gain any support, but I didn't know how to react to that. Yeah, Karen's parties were fun, but they were always a drunken shitshow.
Rick was nodding and opened his mouth when Popuri cut him off, "I always have a blast!" She sported a large grin until she noticed Rick eyeing her. "What? Am I not allowed to have fun now too?"
Kai released Popuri's hand and wrapped it around her chair, pulling her closer. "You know, you're allowed to do whatever you want."
" Thank you, Popuri!" Karen called back, utterly oblivious to the way her boyfriend was scowling at his sister and Kai. She draped both of her arms around Ann's neck. "See Ann? Everyone always has fun. Are you really gonna let your dad deny this town of fun?"
"Yeah, well, I don't always have fun," Ann retorted, turning her head to the side. "I'm always stuck working your birthday."
"Oh no, poor Ann," Karen replied with a feigned pout. "Gets paid to hang out with me on my birthday."
Ann paused with her mouth open, eyebrows furrowing. "Yeah, well, Dad's probably just gonna close on your birthday from now on, anyway. Seriously, it's not even worth the risk to open."
"Not even worth the risk?" Karen released her arms and raised an eyebrow. "It's a party, Ann."
The two were arguing about the dangers of Karen's birthday parties when Claire nonchalantly interjected, "Why don't you just have your party at my house?"
The entire group fell silent, the only immediate reply to Claire's offer being crackling wood and crickets.
Rick was the first to speak up from the other side of the fire, "Claire, I don't know…maybe you should—"
And Ann simultaneously met Claire with her own shock, "Wha-what?! Why would you even—"
"Shut up, all of you! Stop talking!" Karen yelled over both of their nagging voices. She launched off of Ann's lap and into Claire's, knocking over her chair and putting both of them on their backs in the sand.
Karen turned her head to her giggling companion with a grin, "You really mean it?"
Claire rolled onto her side to reply sweetly to Karen, "Of course, I wouldn't offer if I didn't want to."
"Ugh, Claire," Karen exclaimed, lightly cupping Claire's cheek. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought the two were about to kiss. "You're the best thing to grace Mineral Town in a long, hot while."
"Hey!" Kai shouted from my other side.
Karen sat up, Claire not too far behind. "Don't hey me! Claire's a blast, and she's here year-round." She went into a long-winded rant about how Kai leaving us every year depreciated his value in the competition while Rick surprisingly nodded in agreement the whole time. Claire righted herself in her chair and watched Karen valiantly defend her position as Mineral Town's Most Valuable Addition with a smile.
Ann leaned behind Karen and tugged at the sleeve of Claire's t-shirt. "You're not serious, are you?" she whispered as Claire met her behind Karen.
"What do you mean?" Claire asked as innocently as could be.
Ann nodded her head at Karen. "Why would you offer that? Have you completely lost your mind?"
Claire sat up, making no effort to be discreet anymore. "Well, that way you can have fun, and Karen has a place to celebrate. Everyone's happy."
"Claire…" Ann sighed as she straightened in her seat, shaking her head. "You have no idea what you're getting yourself into."
That comment seemed to strike a nerve with Claire. I couldn't help but notice the way her face tightened as she turned back towards the fire. "I can handle myself."
"Yeah?" Ann raised an eyebrow at Claire, "Because letting her use your kitchen worked out so well, right?" When Claire kept her mouth shut, Ann continued anyway, "Now you want to give her access to the rest of your house too?"
"Jeez, Ann, why are you so worried about it?" Karen sat back, rejoining the conversation happening behind her. "Sorry Claire's fun."
"Fine, do whatever you want." Ann sat up with a frown and took a sip from her red cup. "I'm done trying to talk sense into you two."
Karen stood up from her spot in the sand and looked over her shoulder to Claire. "We'll work out the rest of the deets later."
"Damn, what other birthday shenanigans have I missed?" Kai glanced towards Karen as she settled in her seat. "I didn't realize your birthdays were such a riot."
"Well, that's your loss, huh?" Karen bantered back before snapping and pointing at the last wine bottle in the sand. "Are we gonna open that bad boy up, or did you two just bring it out for a nice evening by the fire?"
Kai didn't respond but stifled a chuckle as he went to open the bottle.
"Was it the year before last that you sent Duke to the clinic?" Popuri asked between them.
"You did what ?" Kai demanded as he popped the cork. He quickly turned to Claire, "Dammit, Sorry Claire, I forgot to let you show off your trick." She didn't seem to be sad or really even react to Kai's comment, just a blank face staring into the fire.
"I didn't send him to the clinic," Karen groaned as she pushed up from her chair to get a refill. "He did that to himself after he lost a battle he knew he couldn't win." When she was satisfied with Kai's pour, Karen pulled her cup back and retreated to her seat. "Actually, I think Doug brought him to the clinic... but either way!"
"And that doesn't make you want to change your mind at all?" Ann raised her eyebrows at Claire, doing a fantastic job of not trying to talk sense into her. Claire's chair shook as Ann lightly kicked its leg. "Claire? Hello?"
Blonde hair whipped around as Claire's head shot up towards Ann, "Huh?"
"Were you listening to a single thing Karen just said?"
"Yeah, uh-huh. Definitely listening," replied somebody who definitely was not listening.
"Ann, stop being such a party pooper," Karen invaded Cliff's personal space to complain.
"How am I a party pooper?" Ann threw up her hands. "You asked me for rational thought earlier, and now that I'm dishing it, all of a sudden, you don't want it?"
"What is up with you tonight?" Karen continued to argue, seemingly unaware that she was leaning on the arm of Cliff's chair. "Can you relax for like five seconds, please?"
"Damn Karen, why don't you just take his chair while you're at it?" Kai yelled over the building tension. "Cliff, buddy."
Cliff sat up in his chair, sending the two girls huffing to their seats. "Yeah?"
"You doing okay over there?" He nodded between Karen and Ann and then motioned to the sand between him and me. "You're welcome to come sit by Gray and me if ya want."
He focused his eyes at Kai, almost making a point to not look at me. "Oh? Thanks... but, um, I'm good." I was sure it looked like Cliff had refused the offer not to hurt either of the girls' feelings, but I knew it was because of me. Because why would he want to be around me?
"Alright, well, the offer stands if you need it later." Kai sat back in his seat with a thoughtful expression, but I knew it was fake the minute he started talking, "Though I guess getting sandwiched by those two isn't the worst way to spend your night."
"And you're just… okay with him talking like that? In front of you?" Rick questioned Popuri with a whisper, despite her unwillingness to turn and receive said questioning.
"Speaking of," Kai continued with his eyes still locked onto Cliff, either oblivious or indifferent to Rick's remark. "One of your little friends was looking for you today."
"One of my… little friends?" Cliff repeated, looking around the circle like a little friend was bound to pop up at any moment. "All the people I know are regular sized…"
Kai made no attempt to hold back his snickers. "You're funny, man. I'm gonna miss you." He took a long sip from his drink. "I meant Muffy. She was looking for you earlier. I think she's got the hots for ya."
Cliff tilted his head. "...Who?"
I couldn't help but notice the small smile on Ann's face as she watched Cliff's confused reaction.
"Oof," Kai jokingly winced as he refilled his cup. "I guess it's good they left before you got here. That would have been awkward."
"Wait," Claire joined in, "Muffy isn't like… together with Jill?"
"Together?" Kai burst out into laughter, and after my last few conversations with Muffy, I wanted to too. "What makes you say that?"
Claire looked around like somebody would jump in to save her. "I-I don't know… just, y'know, the way Jill was talking about her kind of made it seem like they were."
"Jill talked to you?" Kai asked in astonishment. "I haven't gotten more than a sentence out of her since we met." When I thought about it, I hadn't even heard her say a single word.
Claire jokingly pushed a chunk of hair from her shoulder with a triumphant grin. "Yeah, y'know, just farmer girl things."
"She could probably stand to learn a thing or two from you," Kai mused with a raised eyebrow. "That farm of hers wasn't doing that hot last time I was there."
"I didn't even know there was a farm in the valley other than Vesta's," Karen added in confusion.
"Uh, thanks." Claire scratched at the side of her neck and replied without moving her eyes from the fire, "That's nice of you to say… but it's a tough job. I know she'll get there too."
"I guess you just make it look easy then," Kai teased, as brazen as always. I wanted to kick his chair into the fucking sand.
Claire let out a slow chuckle reminiscent of earlier, "Ah haha, I don't know about that…"
Rick attempted to hold back some sort of scoff of a laugh, making the entire group turn their heads.
" You, keep your mouth shut," Claire commanded with a glare.
Rick put his hands up in defense. "I didn't say anything."
"No, no, don't keep your mouth shut," Karen said to Rick, eyes darting between him and Claire. "What's so funny?"
Rick glanced between Karen and Claire before sighing. "Claire, I'm not going to deny that you work your ass off on that farm, but you definitely don't make it look easy. Not in the slightest." What the hell did he know that I didn't?
"Not in the slightest," Claire lamented under her breath, just loud enough for me and maybe Ann to hear. "How about minding your own business? Nobody said you have to watch me if it's so painful for you."
"You want me to mind my business?" Rick stiffened in his seat, booting up for what looked like a lecture, "Then what would have happened the time I found y—"
"So, uh, Kai!" Claire loudly interrupted, quickly turning away from Rick and giving me a glimpse of how swiftly her scowl could be replaced with a plastered smile. "Do you all, like, hang out with people from the valley often?"
I just wanted Rick to finish his thought. And honestly, he looked pissed that Claire hadn't let him.
Luckily for Claire, Kai took the bait. "This year more so, for sure. I mean, people come and go for business and festivals and stuff, at least during the summer." He turned his head toward Popuri and Karen, "What about the rest of the year?"
"Yeah, mainly festivals," Popuri agreed. "Sometimes we visit the valley too, but there's not as much to do there."
"Excuse me, you do what now?" Rick demanded, clearly unaware of what his sister had actually been doing lately.
"But we'll have to invite them around more!" Karen cheered, raising her cup. "It was nice to have some new faces in the mix… except for that friend Rock of yours. Seriously, leave it to you to make friends with a guy like that." That was for sure.
"Yeah, Rock's a character," Kai admitted with a sheepish grin. "But his mom, Lou, runs the valley's inn, and she's the shit."
"Wait a minute, " Ann said in disbelief, "that guy was Lou's son? How ?"
"You'd hate to know that his dad looks nothing like him either, " Kai chuckled. "Honestly, he's not much like either of his parents at all. Apple fell way far from the tree on that one."
"I don't think that apple even lives on this planet," Karen said with disgust. "He makes interacting with Gray seem… almost enjoyable."
"The fuck is that supposed to mean?" Of course, the first time I'd actually been brought up in conversation was a backhanded compliment.
"Exactly what I said." Karen raised her eyebrows at me and then made a point to look over to Claire. "Why are you so interested though, Claire? Hmm?" I wasn't a stranger to the way she glanced over to me before continuing, "Did someone catch your eye?"
"O-oh! No! Of course not." Claire waved her hands in what seemed like her worst attempt to appear unbothered. "Just curious! Everyone's like, new to me and stuff, so I just, uh, wonder, y'know? Like, I'm trying to figure out everyone's dynamics and roles and stuff, figure out the area and whatnot. That's all!"
Anyone that actually knew Claire knew that she was lying; her voice's high pitch and mile-a-minute speed easily gave her away. I didn't even want to think about the implications of her reaction. Because there was nothing between us… so why would I care? But there I was, purposely torturing myself by thinking about it anyway.
"Psst," Kai leaned in on my other side as if he'd been listening to the pitiful loop playing in my head. He lifted a half-empty bottle of wine. "Refill?"
I lifted my cup without a word to accept, my eyes fixed on rushing red liquid rather than the two pairs of eyes I knew would be watching. The bitter taste moving down my throat was a perfect distraction, and I was eager to keep it going. My hand reached to pull down my hat as I settled back into my seat. I didn't want to focus on anything anymore. Just the alcohol in my cup and the horizon. Both as dark as I was hoping my mind would be.
So I just kept drinking, losing track of how many times Kai replenished my cup as I did. Faded voices continued around me, but I was just an outsider watching. I wasn't sure if the alcohol was easing my body, but I was disconnected, fighting the weight building on my eyelids.
