A shake on my shoulder brought me back to life. "Are you planning on staying and hanging with us, buddy?" Kai asked from my side.
"Huh?" I looked up from my brain fog to see everyone else standing up from their seats, gathering their things around them. The fire was still burning but looked significantly smaller than it had earlier. Had I… dozed off? It felt like I'd closed my eyes for a millisecond, but I didn't have any idea how much time had passed.
"We're heading home if you wanna walk with us," Ann offered politely, but her eyes were all but fucking pleading I leave with them.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to leave… the prospect of facing Cliff and Ann alone twisted my stomach into knots. But I sure as hell didn't want to third wheel it and potentially pass the fuck out on the beach. I figured I'd make an effort at sleeping since I'd apparently already been heading down that path anyway. Somehow I was able to get my legs to cooperate long enough to push up from my sunken seat. Still, the sand under my feet wasn't exactly supportive either.
When Ann, Cliff, and Claire were folding up their chairs, Kai stopped them with the wave of his hand, "Hey! Don't worry about it. We'll clean it all up."
"Are you sure?" Ann asked incredulously. Despite Kai's protest, the three of them folded up their chairs and neatly stacked them together.
"Not a problem at all!" Popuri answered for Kai, mirroring his actions. "You all did more than enough. Just get home safely, okay?"
"'Kay you too, Pop!" Karen called over her shoulder, slowly pushing a reluctant Rick towards the beach's exit. "Try not to be out too late. You know how," she lifted her eyebrows towards her boyfriend, "can get."
"And Gray," Kai said to me in a lower voice, as everyone else said their goodbyes to Popuri. "I know you're off tomorrow. We'll be here for a while if you end up changing your mind."
"Okay." I wasn't sure why he'd offered, but part of me felt reassured, knowing that I had somewhere I was welcome.
Karen dragged Rick towards Rose Square, with Ann, Cliff, and Claire not too far behind. I followed after, unsure if my sluggish steps were a product of the alcohol, a need for sleep, or the shame I felt around the group. Pockets of conversation broke out between them, none of them involving me. I kept my head down, somehow simultaneously longing for and dreading the moment that I'd be alone again.
I didn't even realize the rest of the group had stopped in the cobblestone square until something Rick called over the rest of the faded voices pulled me in. "Well, I'm going to escort Karen home, so, Gray?"
I caught up to Claire, Cliff, and Ann as they stood in front of Karen and Rick. "Yeah?"
"You can see to it that Claire gets home safely?" wasn't what I'd expected Rick to say to me, but it was in earnest like he was passing off the responsibility. As if it was his to give in the first place.
"Oh." I glanced between Rick and Claire, her face as confused as I'm sure I sounded but much tenser. "Uh, yeah. I can do that."
"Perfect," Karen answered before anyone else could get a word in, wrapping her arm around Rick's with a mischievous grin reminiscent of earlier. "Well, you two, enjoy the rest of your evening!"
Ann hesitantly looked between Claire and me, "Um… okay, well bye, I guess."
Claire held eye contact with Ann for a few moments before finally uttering a curt, "Bye. Get home safe."
"Night. See ya tomorrow," I nervously mumbled when Ann looked over at me.
Ann's mouth tightened into a straight line. "Yeah." She reached behind Cliff to gently squeeze Claire's arm before following after Karen.
"Claire, Gray," Cliff said as he turned after Ann. "You two have a good night."
When Cliff joined the rest of the group, Karen turned to him, joking in her attempt at a quiet voice, "I wouldn't wait up for him if I were you."
I had to fight against the urge to roll my eyes at the comment. Karen's meddling was arguably more frustrating than Kai's. There seemed to be no apparent motive in her case, aside from either boredom or my suffering. I wasn't sure if Claire heard Karen's remark, but when I looked over, her face was blank, staring at the group as their chatter carried to the north end of the square.
It wasn't until everyone had disappeared into the dark exit that Claire turned on her heel to face me with a tight-lipped smile, finally giving me a peek of the frustration she'd been trying to hold in. "Thank you, but I'm perfectly capable of making it home by myself."
"Never said you weren't." I turned towards the south exit and took a step, hoping she'd just drop it and do the same. "Everyone would just feel a lot better knowin' you did."
Claire took a step directly towards me instead. "Let me clarify because it seems like you're not getting the hint." Her voice only grew louder and more frustrated as she spoke, intense eyes boring into mine. "I don't need you to walk me home, nor do I want you to walk me home. So goodnight. I'll see you on Friday." She turned to walk away, calling over her shoulder, "2 pm, don't be late."
As if I was the one that needed to be reminded not to be late. The fucking audacity of this girl...
But even still, I hated the idea of her walking around alone in the dark, as short as it was. Either I was a glutton for punishment or hadn't learned my lesson because my dumbass was walking after her anyway. "Claire, listen. I'd just feel a lot better knowing you made it—"
"Really? That's it?" Claire snapped around, interrupting me with that razor-sharp voice I was becoming all too familiar with hearing. "You wanna walk me home because it'd make you 'feel better'?" The way she repeated my words with disgust made my stomach sink. "Not because you think I'll have sex with you again, right?"
"I… what ?" I couldn't believe what'd come out of her mouth; I had to rub my eyes to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. "You're not fuckin' serious, are you?" I waited a few moments for an answer, but… nothing. Only anger staring back at me, and that told me everything. "That's really what you think of me?"
Claire held her glare, but her mouth looked like it was struggling with its next words. "I… honestly, I don't know what to think about you sometimes." She didn't even wait for my reply before threatening to turn away again.
"What the hell did I do?" I'd just been trying to do the right thing. Why was everything I ever did wrong?
"I-I can't do this right now." I couldn't see her face, but the words sounded like they'd barely made it out before she was walking away.
"You make my head fuckin' spin," I called, pressing against my temples. Any desire to be nice or appease Claire was disappearing like whatever feelings I'd thought we'd shared.
She didn't respond, but I didn't care anymore. I wasn't going to let her just do whatever the fuck she was trying to get away with. We were supposed to be honest with each other from now on, right? Despite whatever personal issues we had with each other? Or was that all just bullshit too?
"What's your fuckin' deal?" I yelled after her, unintentionally taking a few steps in that same direction. "One minute, you're all over me, makin' fuckin' eyes at me and shit, the next you're all but tellin' me to fuck off."
"All but?" She stopped and looked over her shoulder, conveniently glazing over the rest of my accusation. "Alrighty then. Fuck off. Bye ."
I didn't have anything to say back to that. It wasn't like I was going to stand there and watch Claire walk away for what felt like the millionth time. That shit was ingrained into my memory by that point. If she wanted me to fuck off, that's what I was going to do.
Going home wasn't an option. Why would I risk the chance of running into Rick on my way there or potentially facing Cliff alone after that verbal slap to the face? Fuck that. I was too riled up for sleep anymore, and there was really only one other place I knew I could go.
"Somehow, I knew you'd come back," I was greeted with a snicker.
I trudged through the sand and returned to my seat next to Kai without a word. There wasn't anything worth saying back to him. I didn't want to be there, but I didn't want to go home either. After where I'd left things with Ann and Cliff… I wasn't sure how I'd face either of them alone. And with how Claire left me feeling… I knew I wouldn't be able to keep it together to deal with another fucking drinking debacle.
"Hey, what's up, man?" Kai responded to my silence. "Something happen?"
I kept my eyes on the dying flames. "Same fuckin' stupid shit, different day."
"What, Claire diss you again?" Kai asked after a sip from his red cup.
I didn't need to respond. He already knew the answer.
"You want another drink?" Kai nodded his head towards the Snack Shack. "That might make you feel better."
Drinking this, drinking that. I was so fucking sick of listening to everybody talk about drinking. It was like that's all anyone ever wanted to talk to me about. I'd had my fill, and I still felt like shit. I always felt like shit. The one thing I thought would make everything better was just making my everything worse. Much worse. It felt like Kai was just trying to set me up for failure—and I was just always fucking stupid enough to blindly follow along.
"No."
"C'mon Gray."
"Fuck off, Kai, no." I leaned my head back against the seat, closing my eyes. "I feel like shit. Why're you always tryna get me fucked up?" I snapped back to Kai. "Why's that your only answer when shit hits the fan?"
Kai's eyes narrowed at me as he sat up in his seat. "Well, usually that's what you want?" His face soured as the words left his mouth, "You didn't seem to have a problem earlier when we were breaking into that whiskey. I don't even like whiskey—I did that for you."
"For me?" I scoffed, rolling my eyes. "Wow. Thanks. Friend of the fuckin' year, everybody."
"I don't know what you want from me, Gray." Kai shoved his drink in the sand and threw his arms towards me as he complained, "I try to look out for you, I try to cheer you up… not to mention, I spent an entire day trying to coordinate with Karen and fucking Rock so we could get Claire here for you! What else do you want me to do?"
I finally met his irritated eyes with a glare. "Not make me feel like shit!"
"What? How am I making you feel like shit?"
"Makin' drinking the only fuckin' option!"
"When did I ever do that?!" His hands flew up, his voice louder and more exasperated with every word, "I'm just trying to make you feel better!"
"Uh... do you guys want me to leave?" Popuri interjected, eyes darting between us.
I let out a heavy exhale and reached for my hat. "Shit. No. Sorry. Both of you..." I looked down to my feet. "I'm just... fuck. I don't even know. I fucked up… I'm fucked up, and just… ready to give up…"
"Give up?" Kai asked in confusion.
"Do you… want to talk about it?" Popuri added gently, tilting her head. "I don't know how much help I can offer, but we can listen." Her hand moved to Kai's, and she gave it a quick squeeze, only eliciting a huff from him.
Kai turned to Popuri, "Yeah, I've tried that before. He never wants to talk." He looked back to me with a cocked brow, "You wanna know why I'm always trying to get you drunk? That's the only time you ever talk to me about what's bothering you. And even then, it's like pulling teeth."
"I don't… know how," I admitted quietly, staring into the embers. "Feels like… I'm not allowed to. Not without being weak."
It'd felt like an unspoken rule my entire life… but I wasn't even sure why I followed it, considering I hated the one person that enforced it more than anything else in the world. The growing self-hatred was a close second, though. Because the more I thought about it, continuing to reinforce that arbitrary rule on myself made me just like him. I was thinking like him, drinking like him, and according to Gramps, talking like him too, but I wasn't sure which of us I hated more at that moment.
"Gray, talking about how you're feeling doesn't make you weak," Popuri offered softly, deliberately looking between Kai and me.
"But I am." I hung my head, but I couldn't help it—it was too heavy to hold up. The memories reminding me that I was, in fact, weak were just added weights working against me. I was weak... and just like him.
She tilted her head at me with a frown. "Why do you say that?"
I couldn't meet her watchful gaze. "I can't stop fuckin' up, hurtin' people… myself, I… dunno how. Drinkin' made it okay... but now it just makes me worse."
"What do you mean?" Kai narrowed his eyes and lightly hit my shoulder. "You're not fucking up. You're fine, dude. C'mon."
"Babe." Popuri shot him a dirty look. "And you wonder why he doesn't ever talk to you! You're not helping. At all." She turned back to me after rolling her eyes. "Ignore him. What happened that's making you say that? If you feel comfortable talking about it."
Comfort didn't seem like something I was capable of anymore. I thought I was desperate before, but that was nothing compared to the emptiness I felt sitting in that sunken chair in front of a fading fire. Everything needed to come out before my brain rotted from keeping it all trapped inside.
"A lot. I'm a bad friend, grandson… son... I'm… just a bad person." The only thing that stopped my eyes from burning is squeezing them shut. "All I do for the people that care about me is let them down."
"Messing up doesn't make you a bad person," Popuri attempted to reassure me, though it seemed like messing up and being bad went hand in hand. "Everyone makes mistakes. That doesn't make you any less deserving of love or happiness. You can always apologize and try to make it right with those people."
"I…" I swallowed the lump in my throat. The amount of shit I'd fucked up in my life, let alone lately, seemed to surpass whatever threshold of mistakes I was allowed. It was wishful thinking for somebody like me. "I dunno if the things I did make me deserving of… any of that."
"I doubt that." Kai scoffed as he picked his cup from the sand. "You're being dramatic."
"I'm about to kick you off this beach if you don't knock it off with that," Popuri scolded Kai before turning back to me. "Gray, what's really bothering you?"
I exhaled, trying to push the growing weight off my chest. "Dunno where to start…"
"The beginning? The end?" Popuri shrugged with a smile. "Wherever makes the most sense for you."
Despite all the bullshit in my life, there was one issue at the forefront of everything. Telling Kai the truth was an itch that needed to be scratched. I didn't care if Claire was going to be mad anymore; it was coming out no matter how hard I tried to push it down.
"I… needa tell you two somethin'."
"Isn't that what you're already do—OW," Kai held his arm where Popuri had slapped him. "Sorry. Yeah. Whatever you need, buddy."
"We're more than capable of keeping secrets," Popuri added for the pair. "Whatever you tell us stays here, promise!" She leaned across Kai, holding her pinky finger towards me and shaking it when I didn't react. "What, you don't do pinky promises?"
I reluctantly sat forward and wrapped my pinky around hers, eventually sitting back in my chair with a huff. "Neither of you can say shit."
"Hey, I'm leaving tomorrow. Who would I tell?" Kai frowned as if he wasn't buddy-buddy with the town's gossip ringleader.
"And I'm sworn to secrecy," Popuri said with a smile, holding her pinky up.
"No tellin' Rick, not even Karen." I narrowed my eyes at Popuri, thinking about how much Karen had pissed me off today. "Actually… 'specially not Karen."
Popuri giggled and shook her head. "Yeah, like this is my first time keeping a secret from either of them."
I paused and took a deep breath as my pulse rumbled in my chest. "S'bout Claire." With every passing second that I couldn't get it out, Kai and Popuri seemed to lean closer to me. I couldn't help but wince as the words finally came, "She's… fuck, uh… pregnant. Most likely."
I expected Popuri's jaw to be in the sand, but for some strange reason, Kai was fucking smiling.
"No shit," he laughed. "You're fucking with me, right?" When I didn't respond, that smile slowly faded into a seriousness I'd only seen a handful of times. "Oh. Oh shit. Oh, fuck."
Kai's face looked more comparable to Popuri's as the realization set in for both of them. They turned towards each other to exchange glances, and when they returned to me, Popuri took the lead.
"Most likely?" she asked carefully.
"She… caught it early, I guess? I don't fuckin' know." I shook my head, just thinking about the situation. "Supposed to find out for sure on Friday, but she… wants to keep it."
"Holy fucking shit," Kai cried, sitting back in his chair and resting his hands on his head. "You got to be shitting me. I can't believe this!" He leaned against his chair to whisper to me as if Popuri wasn't almost sitting on his lap, "You know I have condoms in the room, right? You never have to ask, you can just—"
"What part about bein' too fucked up to remember do you not understand?" I snapped back.
Kai blinked a few times before sitting back in his chair. "Right. Sorry. But this whole... thing you two have been doing makes a lot more sense now."
"Doesn't make any fuckin' sense," I groaned, throwing my head back against the seat. "S'always one step forward, two leaps back with her. Can't tell if she likes me or fuckin' hates me."
Kai turned towards Popuri with a sigh, "I think you should take this one. I might say something I regret."
The fire crackled as Popuri thoughtfully gazed towards the stars littering the night sky. Moments passed before she turned back to me with a softened face, "I don't think Claire hates you. It just sounds like a lot is going on between you two. With this, not to mention the whole Mary thing."
That was just another reminder of all the pain I'd caused everyone around me. My life was just a clusterfuck that I only seemed capable of complicating.
"Claire hangs around the house with Rick and Karen sometimes," Popuri continued through my silence. "And from what I've seen, she isn't exactly the best at expressing herself sometimes, which I'm sure is something you can relate to."
"Yeah… I guess." I wanted to be reassured, but Claire seemed pretty fucking capable of expressing herself otherwise. And when I thought about it, one of the reasons I'd enjoyed being around her so much was because of how confidently and passionately she expressed herself when she was happy. What was it about me that made her lose it? Did she just hate me that much?
"She's a charming girl, don't get me wrong," Popuri added to her thought, "But… she's got some issues too. And I see her at the church, I know she's working on it, but the entire situation seems stressful. For both of you." Which was a hell of a way to put it.
"Really?" Kai raised an eyebrow at Popuri. "Claire doesn't strike me as a... church girl."
Popuri narrowed her eyes at Kai's offhanded comment. "What's that supposed to mean? What are church girls like then?"
Kai paused for a few moments before shaking his head. "Nothing, you're right. Sorry," he muttered, attempting to change the subject as he moved back to me. "So the whole liking her thing, was that just a cover or…?"
"No. Well, I….I dunno anymore. Thought I did." I rested my elbows on my knees and put my head in my hands. "She makes me feel… so good, but so fuckin' angry at the same time. Just makes me feel… crazy."
"Have you two talked about what you want from each other?" Popuri asked as if that question had a simple fucking answer.
"Kinda?" My hand moved to my temples as I tried to recall everything. "Talked about doin' it together… she said she wanted to date me… then she found out about Mary, 'n shit went sideways." I cleared my throat and turned back to the fire. "I… apologized, but earlier she said there's 'nothin' between us' and she 'doesn't expect anythin' from me outside of bein' a parent.'"
"Was that before or after I saw her grabbing all over you by the fire?" Kai chimed in with a surprisingly bitter tone, narrowing his eyes.
"Uh… before," I admitted, trying to ignore the headrush thinking about that moment reignited. "She was just, uh, sneakin' me her wine so none of you asked questions."
"Interesting," Kai mused before bringing his drink to his mouth. "Can't say I'm surprised…"
"Out of curiosity… " Popuri began, pulling my attention away from Kai's strange reaction. "What did you say to Claire before she said that to you?"
"I was apologizin' and… admitted to sleepin' with her the same night I ended it with Mary."
Kai and Popuri turned their heads to each other and nodded like some unspoken conversation was occurring between them.
"Like I said earlier, I don't know how much help I can offer," Popuri said as she swiveled back to me. "But… from living next to Claire and doing business with her, I can tell you that she's a very… all or nothing kind of person."
I narrowed my eyes like that would help me understand better. "And that means…?"
"Take this with a grain of salt, but… again, from what I've seen, Claire doesn't do things unless she knows she can be successful," Popuri explained, eyes unwavering from mine. "And when she does, it's all in... sometimes to a fault."
Popuri must have seen the confusion on my face because she pitied me by explaining further, "Like, at the beginning of spring, she bought a chicken after Rick showed her around our farm... and the next day she came back to fill her entire coop." She pushed the curls off her shoulder with a huff, "And don't even get me started on that field of hers..."
I nodded, trying to process the information in my state but mostly trying to understand how it fitted our scenario.
"But, I think… you've pushed her outside of her comfort zone," Popuri ventured, closely watching my reaction. "Just like how you said you don't know what to do, I don't think she does either. That's why I think she said that to you."
"Okay… so what now?"
"Well… Gray, what do you want from her?" Popuri only waited a few moments before adding, "Obviously, it would help if you two were on good terms if you're planning on raising a kid together. But do you want more out of that relationship?"
"Maybe? No? No fuckin' clue." I rubbed my eyes, trying to pull one coherent thought out of the conflicting cesspool that was my brain. "Doesn't even feel like an option right now. I just don't wanna do the back n' forth anymore..."
Popuri moved her attention from the fire. "I think… you need to focus on fixing everything you have going on up here." She pointed to her head with both hands. "You can't control Claire... but you can work on how you handle things. You know what I mean?" She looked over to Kai for support. "What do you think, babe?"
"Isn't that what we've been doing all summer?" Kai asked wholeheartedly. "Helping Gray handle things?"
"Okay… no. You've been distracting Gray all summer." She turned back to me with a sigh. "It sounds like there's a lot of people you're worried about hurting, and… it kinda seems like you're using Claire as a distraction from dealing with it all. And dealing with it might help you with how you've been feeling." Popuri gave a reassuring smile, tilting her head down at me. "You'll feel a lot better getting it out rather than holding it in, I promise."
"Dunno if that's a good idea." Snapping at Ann, Cliff, and Claire all in one night only made me shake my head at myself. Not to mention the times I'd snapped at Gramps, Mary, or my mom. "It just… always comes out bad... angry."
"Well, then maybe you work on expressing the feelings as they come, instead of holding them in until they... fester into something angry?"
My chest felt tight at the suggestion as if something so fucking complicated could be accomplished that easily. "Yeah, sure, s'great idea but no fuckin' clue how to do that. Sorry."
"Because you have to work on it!" Popuri exclaimed, and I noticed her squeeze Kai's hand as if talking to him too. "It's not like it's easy, but… I think it'll make you feel better and help you with navigating… whatever it is you and Claire are doing."
"I…. okay. Fuck. Fine." It wasn't like I had anything else to lose at that point.
"Let's think about it like this: how are you two supposed to talk about anything important if neither of you knows how to communicate? Whether you're together or not." She made a point to pause and raised her eyebrows at me, "Which… obviously has not been explicitly defined, from what you've told me."
"Yeah… guess you have a point." Direction was reassuring… The task itself? Daunting. "Thanks, Popuri…"
"Of course! I'm happy to help," she nudged Kai. "Since somebody doesn't feel like it's his duty to look out for his best friend."
"That's not true! I'm the one who told him to come back, right?" He squeezed her shoulder and pulled her closer, which I didn't think was possible. "I can't help that you're the one with the wisdom, Pope, c'mon."
They locked eyes, sharing a smile, immediately reminding me that I was third-wheeling the fuck out of their night. Popuri broke the stare and turned back to me with a more solemn expression like something was clicking in her head.
"Gray, one last thing." Her mouth tightened as she narrowed her eyes. "How long, roughly, do you think Claire's been pregnant?"
"Fuck, I dunno." It felt like forever to me. "Only time we hooked up was at Kai's party at the beginnin' of summer. Why?"
"Just.. something happened a while back, and I was wondering if it was related." She sat up straight in her chair and dismissed the tangent with the wave of her hand and an unconvincing smile. "It was at the end of spring, so not quite!"
I tried to decipher Popuri's peculiar reaction with no success."The fuck's that mean?"
"I don't really know if Claire wants me telling you…"
"Yeah, and Claire probably doesn't want me tellin' you that she's pregnant, yet here we are."
"I…. Okay, fine." Popuri took a deep breath and shook her head. "But you can't tell her I told you. That pinky promise goes both ways." When I nodded in response, she hesitantly continued, "At the end of last season… Rick found Claire passed out in her field at like… 2 in the morning?" Her mouth tightened into a straight line with the faintest eye roll. "She still claims she was napping but… who naps in their field alone at 2 am?"
And why was Claire alone in her field at 2 am in the first place? Just another on the list of shit to worry about her doing. "S'that what Rick was talkin' about earlier?"
"I think so… yeah." Popuri groaned before grabbing her drink out of the sand to take a sip. "Rick… cares a lot. It's a blessing and a curse. And I think after that, plus watching Claire be so… lonely and wrapped up in her work last spring, Rick decided to take her under his wing—whether Claire wanted him to or not."
"Oh." Lonely wasn't how I would have thought to describe Claire in the spring. The way everyone talked about her, I'd assumed it was because she was some sort of social fucking butterfly. At least, that's how Claire usually presented herself. But clearly, there was another side of her she liked to keep concealed.
"Rick doesn't exactly like to deal with his own problems," Popuri let out a dramatic sigh, "so he likes to take on other people's."
"Yeah, you two seem to have that in common," Kai joked from her side despite Popuri's glare.
"My only problem is my brother, and it's not my fault he doesn't listen to a single thing I say," she complained, pulling away from Kai and crossing her legs as she sat back. "Unlike him, Gray doesn't interrupt to lecture me and actually lets me get out full sentences."
"So what you're saying is that Gray is a model problem for you to take on?" Kai continued to tease her.
"What I'm saying is this is different!" Popuri threw an arm towards me. "I'm helping your best friend since you seem to be incapable of doing so."
"Gray, what else do you need?" Kai asked, immediately turning towards me. "Anything. Name it. I got you."
"Will… you guys just hang with me for a little while?" My eyes moved back to the dwindling flames. I had to sober up before I stepped foot in the inn again. "Just… don't feel like goin' home right now."
"Yeah, buddy, we'll stay up as long as you need." So we did.
((Whew! Thanks for the patience on this update! This was a messier update for sure. Lots of big emotions, lots of pieces to pick up in the chapters to come. I feel like this update also answered a few questions ya'll have had while simultaneously introducing new ones lol. Idk I was just excited to have all the characters in one place, and tbh I'm getting kinda sad that next chap is my last time to write Kai for a long hot while.
But oh dear Claire. Idk what even to say about her right now, other than that her insecurity is glaring to me in this update lol. Its almost like I woke up and was like... hmmm instead of making people get mad at Gray, what if I made them mad at BOTH GRAY AND CLAIRE! That way, we have no clue who to feel bad for! lmfao. I don't feel bad for either of them (Cliff and Ann are really the only people you should feel bad for). But I do want to say/reassure anyone... like, this is not going to always be their dynamic the entire fic—like explosive fights every time they see each other lol. Things will settle. Oh, they'll settle. They just need to figure their shit out.
I hope Popuri didn't come out of left field for some of you. I know that her FoMT incarnation is more naive/innocent, but I will be honest that I was a little more so inspired by her HM64 incarnation, while also layering the realities of her family's situation. Maybe its just my personal headcanons of her and Kai, but I can imagine that somebody who can successfully be with Kai (in what many would consider an open relationship!) would have to be pretty understanding damn good at communicating. And considering the amount of time I imagine Popuri spending at the church, working with Carter or the kids, I figured she would pick up a thing or two too. Idk. She's aware of the situation but is a little bit more removed from it all than say... Ann, who is unfortunately wrapped up in all of Gray (and Claire's bullshit), and I feel like her perspective was important. ALSO if Gray would have gone back to that beach for only Kai to help him? Yikes, idk how that would have gone. Especially since it seems as though Kai has some... opinions about Claire lol.
So anyway. Gray has some work to do. And its not going to be easy or pretty. I'm excited for him but also nervous lol
As always, shouts out to my awesome beta-reader rageaphobia for your help with this update! Like sorry for breaking your heart every few weeks hahaha your patience will pay off I promise lmao. And thank you to those of you out there reading! 3 I'm still in disbelief most of the time that other people are reading the things I write.
ANYWAY, I'm on spring break! Whoohoo! Now that I've finished this bad boy and gotten some work done on Ch19, I'm excited to spend the day playing pioneers of olive town hehe. I just got it but tbh its been hard for me to play when all I could think about is finishing this update lol. Now that its done I'm excited to game~
Oh! Music! Because splitting this chapter gave me the opportunity to use another song that inspired me hehe. This one is A Little While by Yellow Days. But also I was listening to Walkway Blues by M83, especially towards the beginning. ))
