I spent a lot of time sweating at the smithy—most days since I'd moved to Mineral Town, really. But the buckets drenching me that particular day might have taken the cake, and it had nothing to do with the blistering heat.

"I still remember when your mother first found out she was pregnant," my grandpa's voice was low and eerily calm as he recalled the memory. His hard gray eyes were locked on the ultrasound picture in his hands, making it easily the millionth time he'd examined it that day alone. "I've been thinking about it all day."

After I'd slid the image on his desk first thing this morning, Gramps held onto it my entire shift. He didn't say much at first, which I understood; I was speechless initially, too. Besides, there wasn't much else to say that the picture didn't already.

Instead, Gramps kept it on the corner of his desk all day. Every now and then, he'd glance down at it as if he'd forgotten what it looked like and then back at me. Something was on his mind too, but he clearly wanted to wait until after I'd finished my work for the day to bring it up. Which meant, whatever was occupying his thoughts probably had the potential to set me off.

The few extra hours of sleep I'd gotten last night had improved my productivity at work beyond words. I was more focused than I'd been in weeks, but I still found myself wondering what the hell my grandpa was thinking every time he looked back at me.

So I'd been holding my breath in front of his desk since I finished up work for the day, anxiously waiting for him to cut to the chase.

"Amber was so excited to show me," Gramps continued, eyes still fixated on the picture as he lowered it to the desk and slid it towards me. I could have sworn the corners of his mouth were tugging up ever so slightly too. "Her face was like nothing I'd ever seen before."

I hadn't heard my mom's name in… I couldn't even remember how long. After our fall out last year, Gramps and Doug intentionally stopped mentioning it around me. Barley let it slip every now and then, but it was strange to hear out loud either way. Enough to make me curious why he would say it now…

I gave the picture one last look before I folded it back into my wallet. My mind wandered to what that scene might have looked like. My mom, 18 and gushing over an ultrasound picture of me with Gramps in the same place I was standing right now.

Who knows what the fuck Jet would have been doing in the middle of all this… Probably not shit.

"She was?" I asked, trying to redirect my curiosity from what my dad's reaction might have been. Based on the way he treated me my entire life, I had my guesses.

"She was much farther along than Claire is, but enthusiastic nonetheless…" my grandpa's voice faded as he glanced up at me. Whatever look that had been on my face made him quickly clear his throat and change the subject, "The technology sure has changed since then."

The machine Elli used to get the picture looked a bit dated to me, but it didn't seem worth bringing up. "Yeah... I still can't believe we were able to see shit at all." As confusing as said shit was to see.

"And… how are you feeling about everything?" He asked carefully as if that question had a simple answer.

"I… okay? I dunno. Still doesn't feel real." I let out a huff, begrudgingly letting yesterday's appointment return to the forefront of my mind—the only other tangible evidence that any of this was real. "Claire doesn't even look pregnant." And doesn't really act like it either.

He chuckled like I imagined he would if he were talking to Stu or May. "Of course she doesn't. She likely won't for a while." Gramps sat staring up at me for a few moments, but when I didn't immediately respond, his smile twisted into a half-frown. "It's natural to feel disbelief, son. Before your father was born, I felt the same way. It'll change as things progress, but nothing is quite as real as holding your child in your arms."

My voice caught in my throat, so I hastily cleared it with a cough. I couldn't even imagine holding something so fragile and tiny.

"Yeah…" I shoved my hands in my pockets, now painfully aware that they were way too rough and inexperienced to be anywhere near a baby. "It'll be a while before that happens, though." Thankfully.

"However, until then, it does you no good to fret over what you cannot control." Which felt like a callout because that was really the only thing I'd been doing well lately.

I had to fight the urge to sneer because I could tell Gramps was trying to be helpful… but the suggestion still pissed me off. "Okay… what do I do instead then?"

"Focus on what you can," he answered as if it had been obvious this whole time, "just as you have been." That tone only fueled the fire.

"Just as you have been." I wanted to soak up that smidgen of praise, but it didn't feel warranted at all. I had to talk myself out of an alcohol-fueled escape on multiple occasions yesterday and then spent a few hours crying in bed instead… That didn't exactly sound like focusing on what I could control, more like losing it entirely.

But I forced myself to nod along to his words anyway. "Right," I pushed through my clenched jaw before tugging down my cap.

"Were you planning to attend the music festival tonight?" Gramps asked in a lighter tone, signaling another definite topic change.

It was a valid question. I'd gone the past two years to watch Mary… but this year? Absolutely fucking not. I'd probably combust into flames if I even tried to set foot in that church. And I'd almost rather combust into flames than set foot in that church right now anyway.

"Uh… nope."

"If you're free tonight, I thought perhaps you might want to come over for dinner." I could count the number of times Gramps had cooked for me on both hands, so the offer caught me off guard. "I'm no Doug, but I figure I'm better than nothing!"

He had a point, and I didn't have any real reason to say no. The only plans I had for the day involved the faded paperback on my bedside, dogeared on the first page of the second chapter.

And maybe… stopping by Freedom Fields to talk to Claire again.

My first instinct was to convince myself not to, that I was just being irrational about the whole thing. I wanted to believe that all my fears about Claire's attitude would work themselves out on their own, and I wouldn't need to exert myself beyond the bare minimum. But I hated the nagging worries about her that seemed to creep up at the worst possible times. I couldn't do it anymore. Apparently, I needed to focus on what I could control, even though I knew it would be so much easier to just... not.

Changing means doing new things, I repeatedly reminded myself. And that meant doing what was right, even when it made my stomach twist into excruciating knots I'd never imagined possible. I couldn't sit back and let Claire continue to be so carelessly nonchalant about having a whole-ass child growing inside her. A child that was part mine. It wasn't like I was entirely aware of the realities either, but I knew her mindset was unnerving—especially in the long term. And that was enough for me.

The chair squeaked under Gramps as he readjusted in his seat, pulling me out of my head. Changing also meant being a better grandson… like I'd said I was going to be. So I figured spending some time with my grandpa that didn't involve me getting paid was a decent place to start.

"Yeah, I can do that." I glanced out the window and then back to him. "Gotta shower and run an errand, but I can come back after?"

I was thankful when Gramps just nodded instead of inquiring about my 'errand'. I wouldn't have been sure how to answer even if he did.

Outside, the sun beat down overhead like it'd forgotten the cues from the falling leaves, making it possibly the least fitting autumn day to hold the Fall Music Festival. If I wasn't already sweating from work or the prospect of pissing off Claire again, I definitely was now.

I unzipped my coveralls down to the t-shirt underneath and tied the long sleeves around my waist. It was a solid first move, but other than that, I was clueless as to my next. My brain knew I needed to head toward Claire's, but my feet had no intention of doing so whatsoever. Instead, I walked a few steps in the opposite direction, out of sight from the smithy's window, and sat back on the picket fence in front of the poultry farm.

I needed a plan. Every time I had shown up to Claire's without one, I always said the wrong thing.

But looking back, even when I thought about what to say, I said the wrong thing anyway. At that moment, anything I could say to Claire felt like the wrong thing. And whenever I was finally in front of her, it was even worse.

What if I was just overreacting? What Popuri had told me happened a while back… and I knew next to nothing about running a farm or carrying a child. Who was I to tell her what the fuck to do? And what would I even say?

Maybe I just shouldn't say anything at all.

But I'd promised to be honest with her from now on and expected her to do the same… So, fuck, I guess she was getting the unfiltered truth. I didn't want anything to happen to her or the baby if I could prevent it.

Work seems like a touchy subject, though … The mere offer of me lending a hand on her farm left Claire unreasonably defensive. Maybe it was something I needed to build up to over time. But it also seemed like a time-sensitive topic…

Fuck. I wanted there to be an easy answer.

If Claire got mad at me, which I expected her to do, at least I'd have some peace of mind knowing that I'd put the concern out there. I hated the idea of ruining whatever truce we'd managed to form yesterday, but it was better than the thought of something bad actually happening and knowing I didn't say anything. The thought alone caused a menacing churn in my gut that demanded attention; I had to do it.

It was so much easier said than done, though. To the west, the path to Claire's farm somehow seemed to wind much farther than it ever had before, and the perfectly secure cobblestones wobbled under me as I tried to stand from my perch on the fence.

So I leaned my weight back on the worn wooden post.

When the pounding heartbeat in my head drowned out everything else around me, I forced a slow, deep breath in and out. And then one more for good measure. I rubbed my eyes and peeked down towards the beach and then Claire's to make sure nobody had been watching me teeter on losing my shit. After another breath, I focused on the vast expanse of deep blue lining the horizon to the east.

With the ocean in view, I couldn't help thinking about how nice it would be to have Kai around right now to cheer me up. Then I couldn't help being so fucking thankful he wasn't around to drink with; it was embarrassing how easily I would have given in if he were. Nothing good would come of something like that. The last time I'd been drunk, I'd ended up on the verge of tears, word-vomiting my fears to Kai and Popuri on the beach.

Fuck. My drunk ass had also told them that Claire was pregnant. Even if it was before she'd asked me to keep it a secret, guilt about doing it still weighed on my conscience. That was just another thing to confess to her and another worry to add to the list.

Because if I wasn't at a fucking loss as to what to do earlier, I was beyond it now.

I went to scratch the increasingly itchy spot on my elbow and froze when I felt another person's warm, delicate hand. Popuri stood to my right with a smile, the finger she'd been using to poke me still outstretched.

"I can't believe you just noticed me!" she laughed, moving to lean her side against the fence next to me. "I even called your name a few times before I came over."

"Oh shit." I let out an involuntary nervous chuckle that made me internally cringe. "Really?"

"Yeah, you must've really been in deep thought." Her smile faded into thoughtfully pursed lips. "Something on your mind?"

"Uh, actually… yeah," I mumbled, going against every instinct in my brain to just say 'no' instead. "You, uh, you got a sec? Kinda want your opinion on somethin'."

Her lips curled back up. "Of course!" A flash of pink curls whipped in front of me as she snapped to the poultry farm and back to me. "Yeah, I have some time."

"So, uh, it's about Claire." Popuri nodded like she'd been expecting my predictable ass to say just that. "I have some shit I wanna tell her, but I know it's gonna make her mad, and we just got to a decent place… so I dunno what to do."

"Is this… shit I'm allowed to know?" Popuri briefly peeked over her shoulder again. "That might help me help you."

"Pretty sure you already do." I swallowed and fixed the fit of my hat. "Just… Claire's for sure… well, you know, what I told you before. But she doesn't know you and Kai know."

"Mmmmm," she hummed understandingly. "So you wanna tell her?"

"Yeah. I just… I feel guilty because she asked me not to tell anyone else yesterday. Just feel like she should know. I would want to," I admitted with a shrug.

"I can see her being upset about that," Popuri sighed, shaking her head. When she noticed me frowning down at her, she quickly amended the thought, "But I think if you explain the situation, Claire will understand. She's… she can be a little quick to react sometimes, but I know she can be rational too."

Maybe Popuri was right, but that meant trying to get a word in edgewise with an angry Claire, let alone an explanation. And I'd already learned that was a lot easier said than done.

"And if it makes either of you feel better, I stand by my promise to keep your secret," Popuri continued triumphantly. "You can even tell her that if you want!"

"Well, thanks. But, uh, it's not just that." Because, of course, it would never be that easy for me. "It's also… her attitude about it all. It's… it kinda freaked me out yesterday, but I dunno if I'm just blowin' shit outta proportion 'cuz of what you told me or what, but…." It didn't feel like there were words to finish the thought, even if I wanted to.

"You're worried about Claire," Popuri ventured carefully, not taking her garnet eyes off of me as she spoke. "And you don't know how to bring it up?"

I huffed and tugged at my hat. "Or if it's even worth bringin' up."

"I get that." Her eyes flickered back to her family's farm. "Claire's a smart and capable gal. I'll give her that. But I understand why you're worried."

"And I offered to help her yesterday, and she made this huge fuckin' deal about it bein' some sort of insult to her." In retrospect, I did slightly insult her profession. But still, that was after she'd just about pissed on my offer of free manual labor.

"Rick made me go over and offer a hand at the end of spring, and she was pretty rude to me about it too," Popuri recalled, her sour expression staring up at me. "She's nice to me and everything, but I don't think she's liked me very much since then."

I released a frustrated sigh. "So you see my problem?"

"Yeah," she agreed, pushing herself off the fence and giving one more strange look behind her. "I wish I had a better answer for you. But… personally? I always say honesty is the best policy. So if you're thinking about it, I'd tell her how you're feeling." Popuri paused, pursing her lips before adding, "But… maybe not all of it at once?"

I wasn't sure why I hadn't considered that… and why I hadn't considered that dropping a fuckload of honesty on Mary in one sitting was an awful idea.

I wasn't going to make that mistake again.

"Okay… so one at a time?" I hated how panicked my voice probably sounded to her. I was so outside of my realm, and I'm sure it showed all over my flushed face. "And I don't even know which I'd bring up first."

"Yeah?" I wished her answer was more confident, but it was enough for me. "Maybe tell her about Kai and me first? That seems like the easier of the two. Plus, it gives you more time to think about what you might say about the other thing."

"Guess that makes sense." I felt slightly better, though not by much. At least I had the outline of a plan, and that was better than nothing. "Thanks again, Popuri. Sorry for botherin' you with my bullshit all the time."

I felt a gentle push on the side of my arm. "You're not bothering me, Gray. We're friends. That's what friends do," Popuri said with a smile that seemed to exude assurance.

When she said we were friends, it really felt like we were. And that was… actually really nice.

"And you know Kai," Popuri continued with a chuckle, "asked me to keep an eye on you while he's gone."

"Of course he did." The thought of him asking that of Popuri gave me a much-needed laugh. It made me wonder just how many eyes he had watching me on his behalf. On second thought, maybe I should've been shuddering. "Have you talked to him yet?"

"Oh. No. Not yet," Popuri quickly dismissed the idea, waving it away with the flick of her wrist. "I called the inn he's staying at, and they said he made it in last night... but so far, he and I keep missing each other."

"Glad he made it, but that sucks." I thought about trying to call Kai myself, but I wasn't even sure what we'd talk about. After the way he'd talked about Claire last time, it wasn't like I wanted to talk about anything weighing on my mind with him. I only hoped he didn't treat Popuri with that same disrespect...

"He's only been gone like a few days, so I'm not too worried," the cheer in Popuri's voice supported her words. "Not to mention, he told me before he left that he's going to write me. Now that I'm looking forward to!" She clasped her hands together and looked off to the beach in a dreamy manner that I couldn't believe was in earnest. "Ah! So romantic!"

The hilarious image of Kai writing love letters to Popuri in his indecipherable chicken-shit handwriting played in my mind. I had to stifle my laugh this time around because of how enamored by the idea she looked.

"Can't even imagine what a love letter from Kai would even read like." I couldn't help grinning at the thought. "I imagine super fuckin' raunchy, if you can read it at all."

She laughed in response, raising a manicured eyebrow. "You'd be surprised how soft Kai is when you're not around."

"Oh yeah? Would I now?" I wasn't sure if that was something I even wanted to see, but I had to admit that I was curious what Kai and Popuri's relationship looked like when nobody else was around. It wasn't like Kai was particularly eager to tell me anything other than the dirty details of their hook-ups, and it wasn't like I was particularly eager to listen to any of that.

"Yeah! He may put up a big show for all you guys, but in reality, he's as soft as can be," Popuri attempted to convince me through her giggles. "I remember this one time when he came over to see me and Ma…."

"Really, Claire, it's not the end of the world," I heard a distant call from the far side of the poultry farm.

And even though I knew Popuri was still talking, I wasn't listening to a single thing she was saying anymore. I hated the way that hearing Claire's name instantly tethered my attention, but I couldn't help it.

Across the farmyard, Rick hoisted himself over the fence that separated the poultry farm and Freedom Fields with practiced ease. He barely even stopped walking or talking when his feet had landed on his property. Claire was right on his tail, squeezing through the horizontal fence posts instead.

"I don't understand. I did everything you said, everything! I just, I thought I was doing everything right, y'know? So I just don't get it." Claire's voice was a fast, rambled panic as her legs worked overtime to keep up with Rick's steps. From that far, she just looked like a pair of dirt-stained overalls and a ponytail, wildly waving her arms. "I'm an idiot! A stupid, dumb idiot. Like, maybe I shouldn't even have—"

"Claire. Please." Rick stopped in the middle of the yard and spun around, hands up to hastily halt her steps. "You need to stop. It's okay. These things happen. Your coop's fine now, I'll get you the antifungal, and everyone will make a full recovery."

I couldn't make out Claire's expression from that far away, but she didn't say anything back. Or at least, anything I could hear. Popuri must have noticed where I'd been looking because I didn't hear her talking anymore either.

"Hold on." I heard Rick say a little louder, noticing him locked on Popuri and me loitering by the fence across the property. It didn't take long before he was flying towards us, Claire hesitantly trotting a few feet behind. "Popuri? Uh, hey! Where have you been all day?"

Popuri had already taken a few steps towards Yodel Ranch when I turned back to her. "Welp, that's my cue," she whispered in my direction with a slight wave. "See ya, Gray. I hope everything works out."

I didn't know if that was regarding Claire or whatever situation she was leaving me in, but Popuri's skirt whirled around her as she bolted in the opposite direction before anyone could stop her.

Rick and Claire had already reached the entrance to the poultry farm before I could even think about moving. With Popuri disappearing up the path to Rose Square, I thought maybe I'd be off the hook. But based on the curious half-glare Rick shot in my direction, I knew there was no avoiding the impending questioning he had planned.

"Gray," Rick greeted me with a hint of suspicion and a courteous nod. "How're you now?"

"Not bad." I pushed off the fence and consciously thought about every single step I took across the stones towards the pair, attempting to seem casual. "You?"

"Oh, you know," he answered absentmindedly as if I ever actually knew. Rick's eyes followed the path his sister had torn down seconds earlier with a frown. "Popuri didn't say where she was headed, did she?"

"Uh, no. She didn't," I was relieved I was able to answer truthfully. But I couldn't keep ignoring Claire standing right in front of me, especially considering that her eyes had been burning into the side of my face since she and Rick had waltzed over.

But of course, my dumbass went with a lackluster "hey" in her direction.

Claire held dark blue eyes on mine. And even though I could see them clearly now, I couldn't read that look in the slightest. "Hi."

"Well, for her sake, let's hope she told Ma," Rick grumbled more so to himself than anyone else.

Or maybe he was talking to all of us—I had no clue. I wasn't focused on Rick in the slightest. I just wanted to take advantage of the opportunity in front of me.

"You got a minute?" I nodded towards Claire, who was now directing a very obvious scowl up at Rick.

But it took Claire a second to realize it was her I was talking to. "Oh." Her eyes darted between Rick and me. "Actually, y'know, we're kind of in the middle of something…."

"But we'll be quick." Rick gave her a pat on the shoulder that seemed one part encouraging, one part ushering. "I just have to grab that medicine for ya, and then I'll get ya on your way," he announced, not waiting for her as he marched toward the farmhouse.

Claire turned to follow and glanced over her shoulder at me. "Well, if you want to wait out here for me, be my guest. Apparently, we'll be quick."

She didn't even pause to hear my affirmation before taking off behind Rick.

Claire disappeared just long enough for me to agonize about what I would say, but not long enough to actually come up with any words worth saying. I'd been considering just leaving instead when I heard the door slam on the other side of the farmhouse.

Dirt crunched under Claire's boots as she moved into view, but the sound continued towards her farm as if she'd forgotten I was waiting for her by the entrance. Which… fuck, maybe she had? I was about to say something when she stopped in the middle of the yard and shot me an impatient look.

"Well?" She cocked her head towards the fence I'd seen her crawl through earlier and picked up her steps again. "Come come. I'm in a time crunch."

That fucking attitude. I rolled my eyes the second Claire had turned back around.

But of course, I hurried after her anyway, throwing my legs over the wooden fence posts the same way I'd seen Rick do earlier.

With my feet on Claire's property, I genuinely couldn't believe it was the same farm I'd seen yesterday. I recognized the plots of ripe tomatoes and corn as we passed by, but otherwise, soaked dirt occupied a much larger area than it had yesterday. Less than a quarter of the brown decaying vines that'd littered her field barely 24 hours ago remained, and suddenly it made sense why Claire had the appearance of somebody that'd freshly rolled through the mud. I wasn't sure when she'd managed to get all that cleared away, but it was more work than I'd like to think one person had done in a single day. Especially one pregnant person.

Did she stay up late last night? Get up at the ass crack of dawn today? When is she sleeping? Is it even my business? I had to think about something else.

"What's that?" I pointed to the vial in her hand as I followed her purposeful strides around the perimeter of her field.

"That's what you came to talk about?" she scoffed in disbelief. "My chicken's antifungal medication?"

"Uh… no," I mumbled in response, reaching up for my hat. "Guess not."

"Yeah. That's what I thought." There was that annoying snarky attitude again. The same way she'd talked to me before sending me off to Mary's. And she didn't even have the decency to look me in the eye while she did it.

When Claire cut in front of me to turn south towards the chicken coop, I lightly put my hand up to her arm to block her. "Why did you lie to Mary?"

"I didn't." Claire's eyes flashed to my hand, but she didn't make an effort to remove it.

"You did." I had to resist the urge to tighten my grip around her arm. "What you told her wasn't true. You even told me that I was the one pushin' it all night. Remember that?"

She finally shrugged me off and took a step back. "Oh? Because you remember everything all of a sudden?"

"I remember enough to know that's a lie." My hand flew to my hat, tugging the bill instead. "When I approached you that night… I knew what I was thinkin'."

Claire froze in front of me; the only indication that she wasn't a statue was her rapid blinking in my direction. Eventually, her lips slightly parted, but not a single sound actually ended up making it out of them.

Silence was always a toss-up response from her. Either way, my skin was vibrating from the force of my pulse against my ribs. I couldn't tell if she was offended or surprised by what I'd said, but I stood there waiting for whatever was going through her head to compute anyway. It was the truth, but Claire's reaction had me second-guessing if I should have said it.

Almost a minute later, Claire dropped her head and rested her hands on her knees. She shot back up with a heavy exhale and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Okay. So maybe I exaggerated the blame a little bit. But I'm the one that got in the middle of you and Mary. I…" she wavered, wincing as if the words on the tip of her tongue were glass. "I want you two to have a chance at getting back together. So if she has to hate me for that to be possible…."

"That's fuckin' ridiculous." I couldn't help but let out a dry chuckle at just how stupid it sounded. "You didn't do shit. We woulda stayed broken up even if we hadn't fucked, so stop gettin' involved."

Claire's hands moved to her hips, and sharpened eyes zeroed in on me. "What, so I was just supposed to sit around and wait while you took your sweet-ass time telling her what happened between us?"

I silently cursed into the sky. She had a point, and I didn't really feel like arguing for the sake of my ego. "All I'm sayin' is Mary's gonna hate me either way. Don't make her hate you too."

"I take it making up didn't go so well?" Claire turned away and continued towards her coop, but she sounded like she expected me to keep up.

"No," I scoffed, still following after her like an idiot. "But It's not like I expected it to."

"Oh, I'm sorry." When Claire turned her head back at me, I was surprised to see what appeared to be a sincere frown. It was almost like she had conveniently forgotten about the part where she made the situation with Mary 10x worse or taunted me about it beforehand. "So... you two didn't get back together?"

"What? No?" She had to be joking. I wasn't sure how she could have managed to gather that as a possibility from anything I'd said. "That's the last fuckin' thing on my mind right now."

"Oh." Claire resumed her quick pace from earlier, effectively ending that conversation without another word about it. "Alrighty… well, is that what you came over here to tell me?"

"Uh. No. There's somethin' else." And I was so thankful I'd set myself up for success by riling Claire up before I'd even brought it up.

I'm such a fucking idiot.

"Well? Like I told you yesterday, I'm pretty swamped over here. Lots of…" she waved her arms, motioning to the general area of her field and chicken coop as she approached it, "gardening and raising chickens to get back to, so if you could just cut to the chase, that'd be—"

"I told Kai and Popuri that you're pregnant," the words shot up from my stomach and blurted out of my stupid mouth before I could stop them.

And somehow, I'd managed to top my own idiocy in a matter of seconds.

Claire's arms froze in midair before slapping down to her sides. She slowly spun to face me, mouth open, soundlessly searching for words like I'd knocked the wind out of her.

"You… you told Popuri… and Kai?" she repeated slowly, the crescendo of her anger concentrated on the last name. "Tell me you're kidding right now." Claire didn't even wait for me to let her down before repeating the name again, "Kai?"

I'd been expecting anger from Claire, but that didn't make it any less panic-inducing. "I'm, uh, I'm not… I'm sorry, but it was before—"

"I actually cannot believe you right now," she cut me off with that hollow laugh I hated hearing. "I agreed with telling Mary. Not either of them."

I took a deep breath, trying to stop myself from getting as worked up as I could tell Claire was becoming. "Claire, listen, it was before—"

"No, no, no." Her protest interrupted me, though truthfully, she didn't look or sound like she had been listening to me at all. "Absolutely not. Excuses, assholes, whatever. I don't care," Claire huffed, tearing away from me to storm her coop.

"It's not an excuse!" As gluttonous for punishment as I've ever been, I quickened my steps to catch up with her march. "I just want you to know the truth."

Claire's boots anchored in the grass as the last word left my mouth, and she swiveled around just as I was about to collide with her.

"Yeah? Do you?" Her questions were sharp. And even dusted with dirt, I could see the red flushing her face. "You just love the truth so much that you have to tell it to everyone now, don't you? All of a sudden, you're all about honesty, but only when it benefits you!" Claire barreled through her biased interrogation, not leaving any room to defend myself until she was forced to catch her breath.

"Fuck, calm down," I groaned in annoyance more than anything else. It took all my willpower to stop my hands from reaching out to physically calm her down myself. "It's not everyone. Just Kai and Popuri."

"Calm down? You want me to calm down?" she yelled back, the fists shaking by her sides instantly making me regret saying it so carelessly. "After I told you I wanted to keep it a secret? After I told you about Rick and Karen!"

"And if you'd actually fuckin' listen to me," I finally pushed my voice over hers, "you'd hear that I told them before you asked me that."

Claire surprisingly clenched her jaw shut, glaring up at me with that same indignation… but it looked like she was finally listening. At the very least, she'd finally stopped talking, and I needed to take advantage of it.

"I was… drunk," I confessed, my pulse picking up as I thought about how Claire might take it. Just how many times had I justified my fuck ups to her using alcohol? This had to be the last. "You'd just told me to fuck off, so I was… sad. And they were there."

"You were?" Unexpected sincerity came from the same Claire that had been shooting me daggers seconds earlier.

"Yeah?" All the confidence behind my voice disappeared in a flash. Should I not admit that? I didn't know if I wanted Claire to be aware of the power she had over me… I'm sure I already looked pathetic enough in her eyes.

"But… No! Shit!" Claire cursed as she whipped around and increased the distance between us with a couple of frenzied steps away from me.

It only took one long groan to fall back into her earlier angered tone. "If they find out Popuri and Kai knew before them? UGH." She spun around like she might pace back towards me and dramatically threw her head back, bringing her hands to her face in apparent exasperation. "Why them? Why, Gray?"

"Because they're my friends?" I knew she was going to be upset, but honestly, I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. Still, against all better judgment, I took a step closer. "And they're not gonna! Kai's gone, and Popuri promised. She won't say shit."

"Oh fantastic, well, that just makes me feel so much better." Claire made no effort to hide her sarcasm or eye roll. "Why would Popuri keep that secret? Who's to say she won't tell anyone else?"

"Who's to say? The fuck? I'm to say." Her assumptions towards somebody who'd been nothing but kind really rubbed me the wrong way. "And because she's a good person? Why do you think she'd feel the need to go spread it?"

Claire took an exaggerated step away from me, crossing her arms over her chest and raising her brow in mock surprise. "Wow. I didn't realize you two were so close."

"We're friends," I shrugged, trying to convey the casualty of our relationship when I caught on to the edge in her tone.

Did I want to bask in the thought of Claire possibly being jealous over me? Yes. Absolutely fucking yes. But I'd learned from Mary that jealousy was definitely not a good pillar in a friendship. And unfortunately… or I guess, fortunately, a solid friendship was the priority between Claire and me.

So, of course, when Claire only scoffed in response to my explanation, I was grasping for fucking straws trying to play down my relationship with Popuri. "I dunno, she's one of the only other people that can stomach Kai."

"Mmhmm." The way her eyes narrowed wasn't reassuring in the slightest. "So... it's a coincidence that I saw you two flirting earlier?" she very wrongfully assumed, just about confirming my suspicion. I wanted to think more about the implications of Claire's jealousy, but my attention was torn away when she muttered under her breath, "I'm sure Kai would love that."

Now she was just being fucking ridiculous, and her accusations made my skin crawl. But I knew I had to suck it up and be civil. "That's definitely not what was happenin'. Told you, we're just friends."

I couldn't tell if she was more upset about me telling Kai and Popuri or the fact that I was friends with Popuri? Earlier it sounded like most of her anger was directed at Kai… but now, who the fuck knew?

Claire stuck out her bottom lip. "And here I thought you wanted everyone to know the truth." She stared up at me with rounded eyes, something that typically would make my heart skip a beat if it wasn't so fucking fake. Now, it only made my heart sink.

"Claire, seriously," I pushed through gritted teeth, trying so hard to be the sane one in all of this. "You're startin' to piss me off, will you just—"

"No, y'know what?" she spat, her eyes squeezed shut, face scrunched like the words brought her physical pain. "You… you should just go. I'm—I don't—I… I'm—I don't have time to be doing this with you right now."

"Yeah. Maybe I will." I clenched my jaw and turned around before I said something I'd regret. But evidently, I didn't move fast enough for my mouth. "Let me know when you're ready to talk like fuckin' adults."

"I'm—!" Some sort of scream-groan hybrid came from behind me, followed by stomps in the opposite direction. "No! Just walk away and stop talking! I've had enough of you today."

Fuck, and so had I.

My entire walk home, I flip-flopped between being proud of myself and beating myself up. On one hand, I'd been honest about how I felt and told the truth even when it felt wrong and terrifying beyond belief. But on the other, Claire and I had finally gotten to a place where we were civil, and I had to go ruin it the next fucking day. How was it that even when I did what I thought was right, I still fucked things up?

I had that same thought last night. And "you can't expect to feel good about doing crappy things" was like a neon sign drowning out the dark idea from my head. I feel shitty because what I did was kinda shitty. And I figured I just had to accept that.

But I was still irked by Claire. And even more so, at myself for continuing to feel something for somebody as unbearably stubborn and rude as her. Whenever I thought I was finally getting under her guard, she had to do something to completely shatter the illusion. Any time we made progress, it felt like our next interaction immediately canceled it out. It was fucking exhausting trying to keep up. I wasn't even sure if the redeeming parts of her I did like were actually there anymore. All I did know was that Claire was the reason I still felt like shit, and I wasn't even sure which thing she was so pissed at me for.

Was that even my problem anymore? Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, there was nothing I could solve by obsessively worrying about it.

Or at least, that's what I tried to remind myself every few minutes.


((Kinda frustrating when one character shows some growth, and the other seems to be trailing behind big time... hmmm. Lmao OKAY here's what I'll say-this chapter and chapter 23 were originally one chapter, but I wanted to be able to do all the scenes I had planned justice... so like sorry you need to wait until next week for some redemption. Ch. 23 is like 80% done, so it should come within like a week, but it was either that or wait to post BOTH of these chapters when 23 was done. Anyway I'm just rambling about my thought process lmao.

I'm excited to include Gray's mom's name FINALLY. As promised, its color and stone(kinda) inspired. Amber is fossilized resin and fits in the same realm as other organic semi-precious stones (like pearls for example) so like, there's some debate whether or not its an actual mineral or just a fossil, but either way it's considered a gemstone with metaphysical properties so HERE I AM USING IT. I'm even more excited to delve deeper into Gray and his mom's relationship and what exactly happened between them. Dinner at Saibara's should be fun~

Today's chapter title is brought to you by I Don't Need You by Acid Ghost. Its more of a Claire song but fits pretty well for the both of them in this chap. If you follow my tumblr (krosaceae) I posted the link to the neat lil playlist that contains all of the chapter songs, if you're interested in listening!

As always, a humongous shout out and thanks to my awesome beta, rageaphobia! And thanks to all of yall here reading the fic! I appreciate ya'll :-) I love reading about how aspects of this story resonate with so many of you all, seriously. It makes me feel supported and waaaay less alone. I would put a heart here if FFN would let me lmao ))