I do not own Hetalia okay? This fic takes me a little longer to update than some of my others but I plan to finish it. Anyway, enough of this A/N, on with the fic!
Alfred tossed and turned that night. His old dream had a chance to come back. But he had found a stable career path and someone who loved him. He had felt that he was building back his life after his dream was shattered and his dad was somewhat proud of him and even sort of accepting of Ivan. It had seemed that even if he wasn't going to be a rock star he could still have happiness. Heading into the bathroom, he turned on the shower, despite the fact it was 3 in the morning, knowing he often had figured things out while the water was hitting him.
"So, last time it ended horribly, not just the record deal but the whole relationship I had with everyone. Roderich, Christensen and Lukas all hated me and Lien's guts and blamed me for the shithole we were stuck in. I had warned them at the beginning it would be a lot like this. Who is not to say that it won't be the same? And I have a good thing going here with Ivan. Sure it will be long distance soon enough but 7 hours beats the hell out of 10-hour difference, especially if I have to stay in LA for this. And I kind of like what I am learning and Ivan's boss says I am pretty good at what they want me for and want to keep me on…" Alfred sighed. He knew it was late and the two people he could trust with advice for this would be asleep. "Mattie or Ivan would know what to do but it's so early…." Giving up on trying to clear his mind, Alfred sighed, turning off the water and heading back to bed. "Oh well, I do need to get some sleep…."
A few hours later, Alfred's phone started to ring. "Vosstan' i siyay, lyubov' moya." Ivan smiled.
"Uggggghhhhh…." Alfred moaned as he rubbed his eyes.
"Are you okay Fredka?" Ivan asked worried. "You sound sick."
"Not sick, tired." Alfred said. "Couldn't sleep at all."
"What happened?" Ivan asked worried. When he had left him, Alfred was just sorry to see his lover have to go back to the hotel but something seemed to have troubled him. "Is it with your father?"
"No, I…." Alfred began.
"Fredka…." Ivan prompted. "I can tell when something is bothering you and I want you to be completely honest with me."
"Lien called about the old band getting a second chance." Alfred said. "And I don't know what to do."
"I see…." Ivan replied. God it's almost like my nightmare, that girl keeping Fredka away from me. I hope he knows better. He told me what happened and what they did to him, how they betrayed him. I have to convince him that it was his past. Not his present. His present and future is with me.
"Yeah apparently Lukas works at a second hand store that someone gave one of our demo CDs to, and a record producer found it, liked it and wants to sign the band, but they can't without my voice." Alfred said with a smirk but back to worry. "And it is easy for Lien as she is in Bakersfield with her Auntie but me, well…."
"You are on the other side of the country so you would give up a lot to go back on a gamble versus the sure thing you have here with me." Ivan said.
"ooooooooh is someone ready to commit so soon?" Alfred teased.
"I love you with all my heart Fredka, you know that. And the ability I have seen of you, to take yourself from that angry despondent drunk to someone with a goal. And from what my boss told me, you are a great assistant and do well with the assignments. You have a sure thing." Ivan was worried that if Alfred did go back out west to meet up with his band, he would be left alone and forgotten about. That the distance would be too much, he would be too busy and they would never see each other again. I do not know what I would do with my heart if you were to ever leave me. I swear it would fall out!
"I was thinking that too…." Alfred sighed. "But at the same time, I won't deny that it isn't tempting as hell. I mean come on dude, you had to have had some childhood goal that was unrealistic that you would have thought twice on if offered again to you."
"Not that I can recall, but I understand." Ivan sighed. "I love you." He added.
"I love you too Vanya." Alfred said. "I will hate to see you go here soon."
"As will I. But hopefully the expansion goes through and I can come back soon. If not, then there are always your summer plans." Ivan laughed.
"Hell yeah dude." Alfred said. "You know me; I am going to show up at your door even if I have to swim all the way there."
"Power of love is a curious thing." Ivan laughed.
"That it is." Alfred sighed. "I have to get ready and get to class. I'll call you at lunch."
"I will anxiously await that." Ivan said. "I love you."
"Ya lyublyu tebya" Alfred said.
"I do hope that when you do come to Russia you can say more than that." Ivan teased.
"Well maybe I should visit you after class and you can teach me some more." Alfred smiled.
"I would love to." Ivan said.
"Gotta go dude. I'm running late as it is." Alfred said.
"Don't do that, I will talk to you later Fredka." Ivan said.
"Love ya. Bye." Alfred said as he hung up and quickly ran out the door.
Ivan laid back on his bed and held his pillow close after he had placed his phone on his bed. That voice of his needs to be for me alone. I can't lose him… He then sat up and paused at the thoughts running though his head. Too possessive. It's not right. But…but…. I can't…. I've taken too much of a risk with him now anyway…. I don't want to let him go…. Ivan sat up and took a deep breath. "Okay, this is something Katyusha said helps her. Fredka loves you dearly. He's still planning on going to Russia in the summer. He's still going to school. The fact it tore at him and he couldn't sleep, while saddening means he is having a crisis of conscious that would only happen if he cared deeply about how things are now. He is happy. He loves me…." Ivan said to himself as he felt a pang of distress in his heart.
Alfred sat in his class, tapping his pencil on the textbook, mind wondering. God this shit is so boring. I get it…. I get it…. why does this class have to be first…? He thought as he looked down at his phone and saw Ivan's face. Wish you were here…. He thought. Might make this a little less unbearable…. But as he looked out the window, he thought of Lien, and to a lesser extent Lukas and Christensen. He couldn't forgive Roderich though, he was the start of the schism that broke the band up and chased him back home. But in a way I have to thank that snooty bastard. If I hadn't moved back home, hadn't gotten into that fight at Christmas, I'd never have met Ivan. Looking at his phone, he saw Lien's name and pressed the message button. Nah, I can't….do I really let her down? But she might be better off…not chasing this…. it's still pretty early back there, I won't bother her. Trying to focus back on his lesson, he scribbled a few lyrics down. As if his songwriting was coming back to him.
"You entered my heart. I was dead without you. Dreams Shattered, life apart…." Alfred read off to himself with a smile. "I should send that to Vanya." Alfred said as he began to text those words to Ivan and hummed some music to it. "Oh god…." With this he grabbed his books and ran into the bathroom, "I have to call Mattie!" with this he ran into the restroom and locked the stall so no one would bother him. "Fuck I feel like such a middle school girl. Skipping class to call someone about boy trouble…." He hit his brother's contact and sat on the toilet tapping his foot.
"Ugggghhh Al, what is it? You know I have a job?" Matthew sighed.
"Whoa dude, having a bad day?" Alfred asked.
"Uggghhh…. Tim Horton's was out of maple donuts and they gave me decaf today. I mean I know I shouldn't be relying on caffeine to keep me awake but…."
"Sometimes you need it." Alfred said. "God knows what I would be if I didn't have it."
"So what do you want?" Matthew asked as he headed into his office and sat down. "Ivan hasn't had to go to Russia yet?"
"Not for a few more days, but Lien called…." Alfred began figuring it best to get right into it.
"What did she want?" Matthew said sipping his decaf coffee. "Maybe some placebo effect…."
"That bad huh?" Alfred laughed and he could feel his brother roll his eyes through the phone. "But no, Lien said there's a record agent who found our old CD and wants to give us a shot."
"That sounds awesome Al, so what's the problem?" Matthew asked.
"Well, I have a good thing going here, I remember how it was when the band broke up. Rather nasty. I don't have anything against Lien, but Roderich, I hate that snob and Christensen and Lukas I am rather indifferent to. And I won't lie the appeal is there, massively. But at the same time, I have kind of been redefining my life goal." Alfred explained.
"So now you don't know what you want?" Matthew said.
"Exactly! You know me so well bro!" Alfred said.
"You must be in distress, kissing my ass like that." Matthew smiled as he heard Alfred's annoyed voice on the other side. "Look I can't tell you, do this or do that and you're probably going to get pissed at me because I didn't give you direction beyond something you probably already know. But here's my two cents since you seem to want it so much." Matthew took a deep swig of the cooling decaf. "Needs way more maple syrup."
"Bro, maple syrup won't solve my problem." Alfred sighed as a knock was heard on the stall door he was occupying. "Dude gonna be here awhile!"
"Fine!" The voice said walking away.
"I don't know; you may want to try it in the bedroom…." Matthew laughed. Hearing his brother rant about how perverted and disgusting he was being. "If you go back to the band, there's going to be rough feelings and it is going to be awkward. The scars of the fight are there and you wear your heart very proudly on your sleeve and you are the type to hold a grudge for a while. That will hurt the whole group dynamic and you won't sound as good as before and you may find yourself back at square one. Getting chased back home because of a disagreement would hurt more the second time around. And with what you are doing, you have a pretty good thing going. And Dad…. while he may be doing better now, he may revert back to how he was before."
"Yeah he's an ass…." Alfred sighed.
"Now I can't tell you what to do, that's only you that can." Matthew said. "You have to decide what you want for yourself and follow what will allow that."
"Thanks." Alfred said sarcastically.
"Look I get that the appeal off stardom and making your band work is strong. Hell if someone came to me and offered me a spot on one of the NHL teams, I would seriously think about it. Even if I get a lot of joy out of this." Matthew said. "But the reason I don't is because I know it won't last forever, something I love doing would become a chore. I mean I went to college on a hockey scholarship and it was something that became less fun that I thought it would be over time and the sport I loved playing and was good at was something I started to dread. So I know you got a rush out of performing, but maybe keep that like a hobby or something?"
"Maybe…." Alfred sighed. "But I liked people cheering on my lyrics and the words and such, honestly Roderich did a lot of the composition and all that. He found ways to just make the music work."
"Oh." Matthew said. "And you said he's the one you hate the most?"
"Breaking up was his idea." Alfred scoffed.
"So subconsciously, he may end up not being as in it as when you first started." Matthew said as the receptionist came in to let him know his first patient of the day was there. "Look Al, I have to go but just think about what I said."
"Will do." Alfred sighed as he headed out of the bathroom and to his next class.
Lien woke up on the raggedy couch. It was late when she had called Alfred and did not feel like driving the hour it was back to Bakersfield. It had been awhile since she had slept in such a state, as much as she did not like to admit it, she was more comfortable at her auntie's house in the spare bedroom even if the mattress was stiff and old. It had given her much more room to spread out at night, nights where she had woken up holding onto a pillow tightly whispering Alfred's name, much to what her auntie had found rather cute and amusing. Lukas had woken up and brewed a pot of coffee. "You thirsty?" He said as he poured himself a cup. "May not be the best stuff out there but it's something."
"Thanks." Lien said taking the cup.
"You're hoping Alfred comes back, don't you?" Lukas said.
"Of course!" Lien said. "He was our front man. The voice of the band. Without him we suck." Noticing Lukas's look, she sipped the coffee. "Maybe you guys suck, I don't."
"You know Al is really in love with that Ivan guy and that's going to weigh on his heart heavily." Lukas said simply. Lien sighed as Lukas went on. "It would be unreasonable for anyone to ask for him to forget about him."
"But what about that long distance thing he had with that guy from Las Vegas when he was here?" Lien said grasping at a hope she could be justified in using this to tell Alfred how she really felt. "Or that girl who only wanted him to fuck her and when he wanted to take it slow, she ditched him? We all told him how bad they were for him! And they left him! We were right about those people! And this guy is going back to Russia and will likely forget about him as a vacation fuck! You know how Alfred is when it comes to people he thinks he's in love with!"
"But we can't force him to think the way we do. And I have never met this Ivan guy he's talking about, have you?" Lukas said. Lien nodded. "So how can we judge? Sure he may have had bad luck in the past but that is not always the case. Besides, Al is studying what, cyber security now or whatever, like I thought you wanted to go into elementary school teaching?"
"Oh they get paid crap, benefits stink and there's always like 5 trying to recruit you for some weird MLM pyramid scheme. It's really made me rethink things. Maybe become a full on partner in Auntie's business, I don't know." Lien said quickly. "The offer for the band to get back together is tempting."
"Oh yes it is. But it is also a gamble. A high stakes gamble. Not to mention you live in Bakersfield. If the producers want you in LA, you can easily come down and go back. Now Al is living back east. Do you think it would be as easy for him?" Once again Lien nodded. "No, of course not. This is a big thing. Something we all have to take seriously. I now know for certain how much of a bitch cruel mistress showbiz is and I don't want to mess with it without a backup. That's why I am up early. Have an interview over at the ports. It pays well and I can get a place outside the city limits and just drive into work. I wouldn't be working for LA studios or such so I don't have to stay so close. Or I could go to San Diego as the same company is at both ports."
"Never guessed you would be into that kind of work." Lien sighed.
"Meh, it's honest. And I could play for myself. That's what is important. I could play to be happy not to make a buck." Lukas said as he drank his coffee. "And remember, if nothing else, Al still likes you as a friend, way more than he does me or the rest of the band."
"I suppose that's true." Lien said.
"It'll all work out. Who knows, maybe they have a New York studio and will spring us out there." Lukas said sarcastically. Lien looked hopeful. "I was being sarcastic, sorry."
"Well who knows?" Lien said as she turned on the TV and stared at the mindless dribble of daytime TV.
Translation Guide:
(Obtained Via Google Translate)
Vosstan' i siyay, lyubov' moya.-Russian-Rise and shine my love
Ya lyublyu tebya-Russian-I love you
So how was that? Good? Bad? Short? Long? Let me know in a review. I don't know how fast I can update this, what with work and school and I am getting to a big project soon so that will eat up a lot of my time as I am trying to juggle a busy job and studying for one final course before the project for my degree. Real life huh? Sucks. Anyway remember to read (well you just did) and review. Ciao for now,
Otherrealmwriter
Aka
Realm.
