Hey, everyone!
First of all, I wanted to thank you for your patience with this chapter! When I left you last, things in the outside world were already... pretty bad, to say the least.
With the quarantine (EVERYONE IS HOME ALL THE TIME AAAAAA), me still working, and worrying about everyone's health, I decided to take some mental health days in that month absence, unsurprisingly.
I'm one of those writers that likes to work in basically absolute solitude. I slap some headphones in, turn off the outside world, and get to it. But... with everyone in the home constantly, and everything else going on, I was finding less and less time to work without a distraction. So, for my own sanity, I decided to chill out for a few weeks, hence the longer wait for this chapter.
But! Here I am, back with another chapter. I've decided to forgo replying to every review from last chapter, as at this point, it's been a little over the month and I prioritized my writing first. I decided I'd start fresh with this one, and reply to new reviews instead of going back to miss the handful that I skipped.
It did cross my mind to create an update chapter to let everyone know that "hey, I'm still alive and kicking," but it left a... bad taste in my mouth. I'd hate to get everyone's hopes up for some new work, only for you to click on it and see a page of bold italics. I wanna save that for like, the worst possible scenario.
Again, thank you all for your patience! This chapter, while it does focus on some Byleth reflection, it also focuses on some romantic things.
I hope you enjoy it!
It was nearing four in the morning.
Byleth sat at his desk, his head resting in his hand while his fingers were woven through his hair. Beneath him was a single sheet of paper, placed adjacent to a stack of another ten sheets. In his dominant hand, a quill rested. Its tip scratched against the parchment.
In the desolate room, occupancy of one, it was the only sound prevalent.
There was once comfort found in this small, cozy room. It had often been filled with conversation, laughter, and the oh so common bickering between two, close friends. Byleth knew that whatever any day might hold for him, he would always be able to retreat to his room at the end, knowing that there would always be one person there with him.
That could no longer be said.
Now, Byleth simply found his own room a prison; a grim reminder of the nights he once had. Ever since… she left, the nights were agonizingly lonely. Kept awake by his nightmares, with no one to turn to in the dead of night, was its own brand of torture; Byleth only didn't realize that until now.
It's quite strange the little things you don't realize you'll miss until they're gone, never to return.
Byleth sighed as he placed his quill down. It was important he finished this, but he found it increasingly difficult to muster up the correct words. They were so much more different than it was when he graded their homework. Grading an essay was detached- impersonal, even. He analyzed what was written, wrote comments he thought might guide them to correct answers, then assigned a grade.
Crafting personalized letters, however…
Was a much different task.
Conveying his feelings to Edelgard, while difficult, he had been able to do.
So, why couldn't he now?
…Perhaps, because she was no longer here.
Byleth sighed once more, turning his gaze to the window near the front door. The night was dark, as it always seemed to be since Sothis left.
The beast… No, the monster, reared its head towards where he stood. Glowing eyes that pierced the veil of heavy smoke. It opened its great maw.
A roar that silenced the world. A wave of flames. Falling ash, like silver snow.
Byleth closed his eyes in resignation, his left hand moving to grasp his chest. Beneath his palm, he felt nothing. No beating. No 'thumping.' Not even a vibration.
"Sothis…"
He spoke aloud to the empty room. This time, it was not out of instinct. He was not calling out to his friend, expecting her to answer. He knew full well there would be no response to his grief-stricken words.
"How I wish you were here."
The 'nightmares' had grown worse and worse in the days following her loss. They became more vivid… More graphic. Stories that did not make sense. Stories that did make sense, but contradicted everything else he had seen. Stories that should have been impossible to achieve given the trajectory he was on.
It felt as though each picture was a tale from a different story. A moment lost in time, on a path that wasn't his.
…Except for recently, where it felt entirely too real. Visions he so desperately did not want to be true, but feared they very well might be.
"To make sense of it as you always did."
She always made everything seem so… easy. Even when she didn't have an answer or explanation ready for him. Simply hearing her voice in a time of stress or uncertainty had a calming effect on him. Knowing that she would be there, watching over him, was relieving. She had been there on the night he first met Edelgard, Dimitri, and Claude. She had been there during the battle with Miklan, and during the battles with the Death Knight. She had been there when Jeralt died…
Sothis had been there through it all.
Knowing now, that for every future day, every future battle, she wouldn't be there was... heartbreaking. It drained his strength. His will. It was hard to move forward knowing she wouldn't be there every step of the way.
The nights were so incredibly painful. He found himself constantly longing for Edelgard's companionship, as without Sothis, the loneliness was near suffocating.
Reading, even from some bland textbook, didn't hold the same meaning. It left him feeling hollow. His eyes glazed over each word, finding no meaning it anymore. Without that audience of one, what point was there?
Everyday activities, like eating or walking around the campus, felt so… lifeless. Without her constant commentary or teasing to make even the most boring activity interesting, Byleth found himself with little desire to do any of it. He ate because he had to. He walked because it was necessary.
It's normal to feel this pain. This loss. It's… It's human.
Byleth shook his head to rid himself of the dull ache, leaning back in his chair, eyes still on the window. As he leaned backward, his view of the sky overhead grew a little broader. He could now see the night sky. He could see the stars. They were still there, waiting for him. Waiting patiently for him to come to the windowsill and gaze upon them once again.
Silently waiting for him to find his strength one, final time.
He knew, without Sothis having to tell him, that he could not continue to rely on her to sort out his problems. As much as he loved her, he had to accept it. While she wasn't technically gone, she was no longer able to provide these answers.
Just as he had to discover what he truly was, he had to discover his own worth without Sothis. She believed in him. She gave herself to him, trusting in the man that Byleth was. She sacrificed her own existence so that Byleth wouldn't lose his.
He couldn't let her down. He couldn't let his parents down. He couldn't let any of them down.
There were answers he would find.
Heights he would reach.
Experiences he would have.
A life, meant just for them, waiting within arm's reach. The life that Sothis wanted for-
"GIVE IT BACK!"
Byleth frowned, his patchwork-heart dropping into the pit of his stomach. Despite it all being in his head, his ears still rung.
He turned back to the blank sheet of paper before him. There were still a few hours before he had to leave to meet with Edelgard- something which he was looking forward to greatly. After the night he's had, just the thought of seeing her face again made him want to drop everything and run out the door, but…
There were still things he had to do.
Dipping his quill into his ink, he began to write once more.
When Edelgard left her room that morning, her destination the stables, it was only a few minutes until six. The blackened sky was tainted with shades of orange and yellow, signaling the rising sun was on its way. If she looked towards the horizon dotted with mountain tops, she could even see the beginning of the golden rays poking out.
The emperor yawned as she adjusted the pack on her back and shouldered her two bags. Edelgard packed light, so these three were all she needed. A change of clothes, necessary provisions and supplies for the trip, and sleeping equipment. She had opted to go for the run-of-the-mill sleeping bag for this adventure, deciding it would be more enjoyable to sleep beneath the stars than to sleep beneath a ceiling of canvas. Though it was not supposed to, if it did in fact rain, Edelgard remembered enough of Byleth's teachings to create a makeshift shelter to shield herself from the elements. With the man there alongside her, she wasn't too worried.
The trip to Enbarr wouldn't be long enough to require much else, and once they reached the capital, anything else she needed for the trip back she could just acquire there.
Edelgard yawned again.
She grumbled under her breath, shaking her head fiercely to try and rouse herself from her drowsiness. There was no time for tiredness. This was important; extremely so. There would be time for sleep once she reached the castle.
Though, she would not have minded seeing the end of her particular dream this morning; it was rare for them to actually be… happy. Most days she woke in a cold sweat, her heart hammering against her ribs and tears running down her face.
Today, however, had been quite pleasant. A comfortable dream about a picnic in a field of dandelions, beneath the bluest sky she had ever seen. Byleth had been there, along with one other… But, she could no longer remember who. It was someone important. Someone she should remember, but for the life of her, she just couldn't picture the face. Perhaps it was Hubert, but that didn't feel quite right. She could swear it was a girl's laughter she remembered.
Edelgard truly found it a shame that the nightmares she could remember so vividly, but the happy dreams that left her feeling safe and secure when she awoke were the ones her mind forgot so easily. Every time she tried to grasp it, it seemed to slip through her fingers like a wisp of smoke.
Maybe, if she was lucky, the next time she slept she-
The princess had been so caught up in trying to remember the specifics of her dream, she nearly walked headlong into a stone pillar.
There are more pressing matters to consider than a dream, no matter how pleasant.
Edelgard shook her head with a sigh, thankful that no peeping eyes were around to witness her near blunder.
Readjusting the weight on her back and shoulders, she quickened her pace.
It did not take her long to reach the stables, despite it being on the opposite side of the campus. With little to no foot traffic this early in the morning, and with her mind now focused on the task at hand, it only took her a few minutes. No one stopped her, and there was nowhere for her to stop beforehand.
As she came upon the stables, her eyes immediately landed on the familiar shades of greens and blacks. Byleth was supposed to meet her here at six, but it seemed he beat her to the punch. She had even left early, too…
Her professor was seated on the dirt floor, his head lowered and his back leaning up against one of the gates to the stables' stalls. She couldn't tell for sure, as his messy bangs hid his eyes from view, but Edelgard assumed him to be sleeping. The rhythmic breathing partnered with the fact that Dorte had poked his head out over the wooden barricade and was nibbling on Byleth's ear led her to this assumption. She found it very difficult to believe he was still awake if a horse could so freely chomp on him.
Yet, upon closer inspection, as Edelgard drew nearer she could see Byleth's half-lidded eyes from beneath that wall of green hair. His pupils were trained on something he was holding in his-
Edelgard's own eyes widened.
A bird.
He was holding… a bird. A sparrow, to be precise. Holding it gently, and very carefully. His fingers barely closed around the small animal's wings. A grip not tight enough to hurt or be uncomfortable to the creature, but closed enough to prevent the sparrow from doing anything but sitting there patiently.
And he seemed to be staring at it as though he was trying to solve some complex, math equation.
Edelgard was so perplexed by the scene she was witnessing, she could not prevent herself from calling out to him.
"Byleth?"
"Hm?"
Byleth perked his head up, slightly lifting his bird friend up with it.
"Oh, Edelgard."
A lethargic response fitting the calm, teetering on lackadaisical expression on his face.
"What, er…" Edelgard stumbled as she tried finding the proper way to ask her question. "What are you doing with that bird?"
And how long have they been like that?
"Ah. Yes, I imagine this would be quite the sight to behold."
Byleth unfurled his fingers, his palms facing upwards. Now free from his hands, the sparrow hopped around on its makeshift surface, its head tilting back and forth as it examined Byleth curiously.
"It seems the animals are quite taken with me, as of late."
Byleth gave the bird an encouraging nudge with his finger. The sparrow chirped, then flew off into the sky.
"It's quite strange, but also welcomed."
Byleth grabbed his solitary bag and rose to his feet. Reaching into his jacket pocket, he pulled out a shiny, red apple and tossed it to Dorte. The horse happily accepted it, even going so far to let out a happy little whinny as he feasted on the tasty treat.
The professor smiled as he gave the steed's nose a hearty rub. Edelgard had to admit, she was slightly jealous. Befriending a horse was one thing, but even she wouldn't mind holding a cute, little bird just once…
"Are you ready to depart?" Byleth asked, turning his attention to her.
"Yes." She nodded, wrangling her focus.
"Then, let's be off."
Byleth shouldered his bag, then moved to the stall adjacent Dorte's.
"Will one bag be all you need, Byleth?" Edelgard asked, moving to her own horse. A mare by the name of Belle, if she remembered correctly.
She strapped the luggage to the saddle, making sure it was snug and secure.
"Indeed." He nodded, opening the gate and leading the painted horse out from its enclosure. "A change of clothes, some provisions, and papers to grade."
Edelgard stifled her laugh with the back of her hand. A very teacherly response.
"Though, now that I think about it-"
Byleth grunted as he mounted his horse.
"Why are we traveling this way? Not that I don't mind, it's just… curious. I would expect a horse-drawn carriage and a personal guard."
Edelgard effortlessly mounted her own horse, giving the chestnut a few pats on its mane as she adjusted herself.
"It is usually customary for high-ranking members of royalty to be escorted in such a manner," Edelgard replied, smiling at the appreciative whinny she earned. "I elected against it."
"Oh?"
"It seemed unnecessary," Edelgard continued. "Any bandits or would-be-assassins would be hard-pressed to best the two of us in a duel."
One of the joys of being royalty. No matter how safe you thought your life was, there was always someone slithering in the dark, unseen, that wished to end it for their own personal gain.
Byleth's face darkened at her choice of words, but he did not comment. The crinkling of his gloves as his hold tightened on his reins was audible, and the only response that was needed.
"And besides…"
Edelgard shifted in her saddle, the small, awkward smile growing on her lips.
She felt somewhat childish for even uttering this, but…
"Right now, I am still but an heir. Once we leave Enbarr, I will be the crowned emperor and moments like these will be more and more difficult to come by," Edelgard admitted quietly. "I wanted the trip there to be just the two of us."
The unpleasant emotions present on Byleth's face slowly faded as his features slackened.
"Very well, your highness." Byleth bowed his head, the hints of his own smile almost hidden.
Edelgard returned it with her own, but there was a pulling sensation in her chest as he heard Byleth say the words that countless others had.
'Your highness…'
She had been called this hundreds of thousands of times. Never did she pay it any thought. It was essentially a second name at this point.
Yet, hearing her Byleth say it left her feeling… sad. Edelgard would much rather he never stopped calling her 'El.'
But, she knew he was only saying it a light-hearted manner. A simple little tease, something he's prone to doing, so she decided not to mention it.
"Ready?" Byleth asked, drawing her focus back in.
Edelgard nodded, shaking the reins in her hand. Byleth followed suit, and both horses began a slow trot through the academy's campus.
"I know the area pretty well, but once we go deeper into Empire territory, I might need to let you take the lead," Byleth said, glancing over at her.
"Unaccustomed to Adrestia?" Edelgard asked. She was slightly surprised. As a wandering mercenary, she would have assumed Jeralt's group would have had a few dealings there.
"Somewhat. I'm familiar with parts of it." Byleth shrugged, tugging his reins to the right as they rounded a corner. "But mostly to the east and around Remire Village. I've yet to travel south of Gronder Field."
"Well, once we reach Count Varley's territory, there will be a main road that takes us straight to the Fort Merceus, and then to the capital," Edelgard explained. "We will have to pass through the mountains, but the path shouldn't prove too treacherous."
"I see."
They were in the marketplace in front of the gates, now.
"Did you pack adequate clothing?" Byleth asked, giving her usual uniform a once over. "It could be cold."
"I did." Edelgard nodded. "Did you, however?"
Byleth blinked, raising an eyebrow. He grabbed the sleeve of his jacket, twirling it in a circle, as if that proved his point.
"I have yet to see you wear that once for its intended purpose."
"I've worn it." Byleth frowned.
"Oh?" Edelgard smirked. "Name one time, then."
"I-"
Byleth paused, a hand rubbing his chin as he contemplated it.
"Have I never worn it?" The professor mumbled under his breath, his brows knitted in concentration.
Edelgard's shoulders shook with silent laughter as their two horses trotted through the academy's gate.
When the professor and student duo finally slowed down to give their horses a rest, the sun was high in the sky. They had ridden hard once they left Garreg Mach, but not at such a speed that would quickly tire out their horses, nor make it impossible for them to converse idly as they went.
So far, so good, he thought. They were in the Empire's domain now, and so far, there were no signs of trouble. Byleth didn't find that too terribly surprising, however. Though groups of bandits would prey upon any village in any land, settlements within the church's territory were difficult to ransack. Most bandits, at least the intelligent ones, realized that in an area so small, the well-trained Knights of Seiros would be able to rout any small group of criminals.
Once they pushed further into Adrestia it was possible they might run into some kind of ambush, or a bandit favorite, the 'toll' road, but Byleth doubted it. The possibility was always there but being so close to so many policing powers made it unlikely. Fort Merceus was surrounded by the territories of Varley, Bergliez, Aegir, and of course, Enbarr. If they had any brain cells, they'd be raiding less defended areas. Like Remire…
Byleth sighed, shaking the painful memory of his 'hometown' out of his head.
"Should we stop here, Byleth?" Edelgard asked, glancing sideways at him.
The professor nodded, pulling up on his reins. His horse slowed to a stop, with Edelgard's right beside him.
"I think I saw a creek in the field over there," Edelgard said, nodding to his right.
From his spot on his saddle, Byleth took a cursory look around. They were atop a slightly elevated dirt road. On either side were great, wide open fields, with nothing obscuring his vision except for a few trees that spotted the plains. Edelgard's eyes had proven true, as in the distance, he could see a creek cutting through the greens and yellows.
Greens and... yellows?
Byleth's eyes widened, his pupils jumping all around as he took in the thousands of tiny dots that speckled the fields of green.
Only now did he realize that he recognized this field of dandelions.
This place…
"Byleth?"
The professor blinked as Edelgard's face invaded his view. She had led her horse in front of his.
"Sorry." Byleth shook his head, but that memory still lingered in his thoughts. Though his hands gripped the reins in front of him, he could still feel the lingering warmth of a smaller hand holding his. "I just got lost in the view."
"It is quite beautiful, isn't it?" Edelgard smiled, turning her head towards the dandelions.
"It is."
Byleth motioned his horse forward. Edelgard's followed after him as the two broke away from the path and made their descent into the field. He almost felt guilty as he watched the hooves trample over the wildflowers. As though he was destroying holy ground.
He couldn't resist the urge to look around as they moved further inward. Everything was just as he remembered, from that very brief glimpse he caught of it when he and Sothis fused. A field of dandelions that went on for miles. As far as they eye could see, his vision was filled with vibrant yellows and greens.
They were beneath a blue sky, absent of all white clouds.
Beneath the shining sun.
It wasn't as… breathtaking as it had been in that vision, but it was still a beautiful sight. The only thing missing was that small child, with hair like his and eyes like hers. Obviously, that child couldn't be here. Such a thing required certain… activities. They were years away from having a child of their own.
And yet, Byleth still found himself disappointed. He would have settled for a hallucination, even. It would have meant a great deal to him to look into that child's eyes one more time before-
"How strange…"
Edelgard's absent remark pulled Byleth back from his reverie. She too seemed to be inspecting the dandelions as closely as he was.
"What is?"
"I had a dream this morning that took place in a field much like this one," Edelgard replied, smiling softly as she watched the petals sway in the wind.
His eyes widened considerably. How could that be? It wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility, Byleth presumed, but it certainly was a large coincidence.
"…Did you, now?" Byleth murmured, his eyes darting back to the scenery. "What was the dream about?"
"We were sharing a picnic together."
Edelgard turned back to him, her smile broadening.
"It was quite a pleasant dream."
Byleth returned the expression, but that void within his chest was going haywire. Though his heart was not beating, he could feel an intense burning sensation there. Some odd mixture of confusion, anticipation, anxiety, excitement, and relief.
"Well, why don't we reenact it?" Byleth suggested, slowing his horse as they reached the stream.
"I would very much enjoy that." Edelgard's smile was evident through her tone as she stopped as well.
Hopping off his horse, Byleth took him by the reins and led him towards the creek. Checking to make sure the water was not stagnant, he let go, allowing the animal to have at it. Then, he moved to his pack, retrieving one of his spare and empty canteens. It was probably unnecessary, as on their path to Enbarr there were many towns and villages they could stock up in, but Byleth was always well prepared.
Moving a few feet upstream and away from the horses, Byleth dipped the canteen into the flowing water, allowing the current to fill it.
"If worst comes to worst, we can always boil it," Edelgard commented as she did the same.
"I'm glad you remembered my teachings." Byleth grinned, feeling a swell of pride.
"There isn't one I have forgotten, my teacher."
Byleth glanced up to see her offering him a small pouch.
"It isn't exactly a picnic, but I hope this will suffice."
He chuckled, accepting the pouch and putting his now-filled canteen back to the saddle. Opening the purse strings, he took a gander inside. It was a mixture of nuts and other dried fruit. A lightweight, nutritious snack. Good for long trips like this where one needed the energy, but not the full stomach.
Pouring out a handful into his palm, Byleth threw it back and began chewing.
Over the sounds of his own eating, a bird could be heard chirping above him as it flew freely through the clear, blue sky. His green eyes followed it as it took off towards the horizon.
"So, was there anyone else in this dream of yours?" Byleth asked having swallowed his food. "Or was it just you and I?"
"There was." Edelgard nodded. "But for the life of me, I cannot remember who."
Byleth swallowed another handful, taking a swig of clean water from his other canteen as he considered how to ask the one, clarifying question that was eating away at him.
"Perhaps it was another student. Maybe Hubert, even."
"I do not think so." She shook her head, eating some of her own trail mix. "I have an inkling that it was a…"
"Someone younger?" Byleth finished for her. "A child, perhaps?"
"P-possibly." Edelgard blinked, surprised by his accurate prediction. "But, how would you know that?"
The idea to brush it off as just him being curious jumped to the forefront of his mind, but he saw no reason to lie. Only… bend the truth, somewhat.
"I've had… similar dreams." Byleth shrugged. There was hardly a better description for it than that. There was no certainty to these visions, and each one seemed to contradict the other. That's what made it so damn maddening to try and decipher. What he saw during his fusion to Sothis was so different compared to what he saw now.
To tell Edelgard that his assumption was that they were prophetic in nature, when even he didn't know that for sure, was foolish. Knowing her, she would likely believe him without a second thought, but… While he considered his next moves, preparing for every scenario, he decided it best to adopt a 'wait and see' mentality.
"In a field just like this one," Byleth continued, nodding towards his surroundings. "With you and a child that laughed as she gripped my hand. She-"
He stopped himself. To admit that it was a child he did not recognize would be a lie.
His voice dropped to a whisper as he continued.
"Looked an awful lot like you."
He stole a glance at Edelgard, worried that perhaps he said too much or had been too presumptuous with his simple description, but to his surprise, El was smiling happily. She appeared to enjoy that imagery.
"That sounds like a… pleasant dream."
"It was." Byleth nodded, once again trying desperately to cling to that brief viewing he had of it. "Though, it is quite coincidental we would dream such similar things."
"Oh?" El rose an eyebrow. She took a look at the dandelion-riddled field once more before returning her sights to him. "I suppose so."
Given the way she said it, Byleth didn't truly think she believed that.
His eyes rested on her chest, specifically the area where her heart would be, as he remembered an anecdote Professor Hanneman had told him once.
Why El had been able to dream of the same field Byleth once saw them in was a complete and utter mystery to him, but he remembered Hanneman once telling him of a theory that hypothesized those bearing the same Crest could be drawn to one another. That those bearing the same Crest could share a 'connection.'
They both bore the Crest of Flames. That same Crest, albeit implanted artificially, thrummed through their bloodstreams.
While curious, he had enough wisdom to know not to mention his possible hypothesis in front of Edelgard. It would likely upset her if he insinuated that part of their connection was in due part to their shared Crest.
Hell, even he didn't believe in such a thing… Admitting it left a sour taste in his mouth. It was like admitting that their being together now was all thanks to some fragment in their genetic makeup, that was implanted there by another. It was essentially admitting that their meeting, their love, and everything else that followed, was preordained.
Byleth didn't want to believe that. He wanted to continue believing that the reason he was standing here now, in this field of dandelions beneath a blue sky and shining sun, was due to the choices he made. A series of choices that brought him down this path with her. His choices. Not someone else's.
But it was one possibility.
"Then, if it was not a coincidence, what do you think?" Byleth asked as he swallowed another handful.
Edelgard looked down at her feet, suddenly looking somewhat timid. A stark contrast to the usual stoic demeanor she carried.
She scratched at her cheek, her rosy skin slightly hidden behind her hand. Byleth only now noted that both were missing the usual white gloves she wore.
"My answer to that question would be… far too romantic and sentimental," El murmured.
"Has that stopped either one of us before?"
El's eyes inched back upwards, eventually meeting his. He could see the conflicting emotions at play in those purple eyes of hers as she contemplated his point.
"I suppose it hasn't." Edelgard nodded, her posture straightening as she raised her head. "Then, simply promise you will not laugh nor tease me."
Byleth drew an 'x' over his chest with his index finger.
"Cross my heart."
"Very well." El nodded again, this time looking more sure of herself. "It is my belief that this scene of a lovely afternoon for three, in a slice of nature as beautiful as this one-"
The princess paused, stealing a look Byleth's way.
"Is something we both desire so fervently, that we see it even in our dreams. I'd sooner believe it was our shared wish of this peaceful future rather than some mere coincidence."
Byleth blinked a few times, staring at Edelgard quizzically.
"You are right. That was very sappy."
Edelgard glared at him.
"You gave me your word you wouldn't mock me."
"I'm not."
Byleth smiled, lacing his fingers with hers.
"I happen to like sappy and romantic."
While he had to give her credit for trying, that fierce glare she was showcasing slowly fizzled out as an equally wide smile took root.
Perhaps we can come back here again one day once the fighting is over.
Part of him, however, didn't fully believe it could be done. A tiny, nagging doubt in the back of his mind. A barely audible whisper that reminded him of his failures, of what he's lost, and of what he could lose. The weight on his shoulders, while it had always been there, felt much heavier than before.
Things were different now. Divine Pulse had failed him. Jeralt was gone. Sothis was gone. The concerning visions were growing more and more… vivid. Death, something he always helped others reached while skating around that abyss himself, was something he was vastly familiar with now. Something he experienced once, and never wanted to again.
Giving Edelgard a scrutinizing look, he once again found himself wondering the same questions he did before.
Is this what it had always been like for her? Second guessing everything? Doubting even the simplest of desires? Always wondering if she'd live long enough to see any true peace?
He wondered how she did it, and how she did it alone for all of those years, without any of the abilities or tools Byleth had at his disposal. He had always admired her strength, but now… It felt as though he had a somewhat better understanding of it.
Once again, he found himself marveling in the strength of the smile she was giving him. She was standing there, considering what the future might have in store for her while Byleth considered the opposite. Compared to the young woman he first met that day so many months ago-
"Something on your mind, Byleth?"
"Just you," he replied, almost instantaneously. It was the truth, after all.
However, the response seemed to catch Edelgard off guard.
A slight blush rose to her cheeks as she dipped her head, coughing into her bare hand.
"W-well, I appreciate your honesty," Edelgard murmured. "Even if it was somewhat dangerous…"
Byleth smirked, feeling his spirits lift as he watched the woman he loved deliver her meek response. It was always a treat to be given the chance to witness a flustered El.
"Would you care to know the specifics?" He asked.
"Only if you wish to share them."
So she said, but Byleth could spot that curious look in her purple eyes as she glanced to him.
"I was thinking of how much you've grown over the course of the year."
Edelgard blinked.
"Oh?"
Yes… While it was highly unlikely they would have held such a conversation in those first few months after Byleth arrived at the academy, he found it hard to believe Edelgard would be as open or as vulnerable as she was allowing herself to be in his presence.
Back in those days, all of her actions seemed to be veiled. He could never get a good read on her. On more than one occasion, he felt as though he had been the one being tested rather than the other way around.
He still clearly remembered that moment the two had shared shortly before Lonato's uprising. Right after the class's shared sparing session, and Byleth had approached her. She had worn a fake smile, while her responses had mixtures of honesty and deceit within them. Almost as if a part of her wanted to give him straight answers, but that logical, walled-up and protected side of her brain wouldn't allow it.
But, look at her now. There was little doubt in Byleth's mind that if things continued as they were for her, the day would come where she let others see the mask of El rather than the mask of a student or princess.
"I don't say this nearly enough, but…"
Deciding that a pat on the head, similar to one he do for Bernie, wasn't quite fitting for this scenario, Byleth opted for something a little more personal.
He brushed the backs of his fingers against the side of her chin, then lowered his arm to retake his hold on her hand. Now, he was the one wishing he wasn't wearing gloves.
"I am proud of you, El."
Edelgard's hand twitched in his grip. Her eyes widened, her mouth slowly parting. The words were quite easy for him to say, as he meant every one of them, but for Edelgard… They seemed to greatly move her. Almost more so than the first time he stated his love for her.
And as he watched something stir behind those ever-shining purple orbs, Byleth morbidly wondered when the last time was that someone said those six words to her.
Returning to reality, Edelgard bit her lower lip as she angled her head to the yellow dandelions beneath her.
In the field of their collective dream, surrounded by yellow flowers, green grass, a blue sky and a golden sun, Edelgard quietly whispered her response.
"Thank you, my Byleth."
"You're welcome."
While his future was still hard to decipher, the feelings he held close to his heart, towards the woman he loved, never were.
As the evening turned to night, the two slowly came to a stop for the day. While they were only an hour's ride from Fort Merceus, Edelgard had made the 'executive' decision to stop for the day and pick it up again early in the morning.
It was quite suspicious, really. After their short excursion in that field, Edelgard's pace slowly dwindled and dwindled. Almost as if she didn't want to reach the fort by the day's end.
Well, it wasn't as though Byleth could fault her for that. On a clear day like today, sleeping beneath a sea of stars was much, much more appealing than some hard, bumpy cot in a fortress.
He wouldn't admit it, and he found it likely that Edelgard wouldn't either, but…
The idea of sleeping close to El had a greatly calming effect on him. Were they to rest in the fort, they'd likely be put in separate rooms, and Byleth would be right back where he was this morning; all alone in some dark, depressing room. Except, this particular room wouldn't even be his.
Knowing that if the nightmares kept him up, he could simply turn his head and see her a few feet away set him at ease. Knowing that, on this night at least, he wouldn't be alone in the dead of night… Not caged in by four walls, a floor, and a ceiling.
Part of him greatly hoped that she felt the same way- about the being close part, that is.
After tying their horses to a few nearby trees, the two began to settle down for the night. They were far enough off the main path that they, nor the fire they would soon create, wouldn't be seen very easily. Tucked away beneath a handful of trees, the smoke would be difficult to spot. Especially at night.
"It won't take us long to reach Enbarr come morning," Edelgard said as she put down a handful of dry wood. After Byleth's 'proud of you' comment, she had been awfully quiet, bordering on reflective, but when it came time to divvy up the night's tasks, she had offered her help readily.
"How long do you think it'll take?" Byleth asked as he placed the sticks and logs together in a neat, proper pile.
"If we start at the same time tomorrow, we'll likely reach it by afternoon," Edelgard replied, lighting the wood with a simple, albeit small, Fire spell.
Byleth nodded, crawling backwards a few inches before falling upon his rear. His backside did not feel… good. Spending the entire day riding on the back of a horse will do that to you.
With the fire lit, Edelgard sat down as well, only a foot or two away from him.
"That's good."
He couldn't decide if that actually was or not. Reaching one's destination after a long trip was always welcomed, but he would also be lying if he said part of him didn't wish this little adventure with her could go on forever.
Sighing, silently contemplating what the capital had in store for him, Byleth turned his head to the sky. Though the branches and leaves from the tress at their backs invaded part of his vision, nearly all of the starlit night could be seen. The half-moon, shining particularly bright this night, gave them some added light along with their campfire.
"Are you hungry, Byleth?"
"Starving."
Edelgard rummaged around in one of her bags, pulling out some of the food she stored away. Some bread and smoked meat. Things that were good for a trip, but not exactly elegant cuisines.
She handed it to him with a smile, which Byleth readily accepted.
He eagerly bit into the beef, while eyeing the bread curiously. Over the years, the former mercenary had grown wary of bread pulled out of bags. Experiences with his father's band of mercenaries taught him that in most cases, this bread was hard as rock, with very little taste.
But, as his fingers sunk into the dough, thankfully that wouldn't be the case.
"Thank you," Byleth said in-between bites.
"You should have said something earlier," Edelgard chuckled at the display as she acquired some food for herself. "I would have happily gotten you something."
Byleth shook his head as he swallowed another mouthful.
"Experience has taught me that having a full stomach while riding horseback for long periods of time is not a good idea."
Edelgard laughed, covering her mouth as she attempted to chew her bread.
"Yes, that is true," she finally spoke after downing her food. "I could imagine that wasn't the most enjoyable topic to learn about."
"It was not."
Byleth smiled, glancing at the woman beside him. The dancing flames reflected off of her impossibly large eyes, which were staring steadily at him. Despite being beneath a beautiful night sky, in a wonderful scene of nature, Edelgard's gaze never strayed too far from him.
And, as he suspected, it really was quite nice sharing the night with someone again. The loneliness that was becoming synonymous with the falling sun didn't feel so bad tonight.
When he realized that in the future, nights like this would become the norm, Byleth felt incredibly giddy.
But… as the memories of his latest batch of nightmares reared their ugly head, that giddiness dissolved into a small flicker.
"So, you have never been to Enbarr, have you?"
Thankfully, El asked a distracting question at exactly the right time. He wondered if that was intentional or not, but either way, he was grateful.
"I haven't."
Edelgard's smile broadened somewhat, her purple eyes finally breaking away from his as she stared into the fire.
"I'm… glad."
"Glad?" Byleth repeated dumbly, raising a brow. "Why is that?"
"Because… that means I can be the one that gets to introduce you to my home," she replied quietly. "It's a wonderful town; the citizens are kind, the architecture beautiful."
The soon-to-be emperor paused slightly, her thumbs prodding her torn bread.
"And though I have a slight fear of water, the canals that run through the city really add to its charm. Some of my favorite memories were spent on those bridges, watching my reflection in the rippling water. During autumn, when the leaves begin to turn and fall, it really is quite lovely."
Returning to the present, Edelgard tore her eyes away from the flames and they returned to him.
"I would love to take you to all these places I frequented as a child, and give you a proper tour of my homeland."
But, they did not remain long.
As her smile turned rueful, Edelgard ducked her head.
"However, I'm afraid time won't allow it."
Byleth did not like seeing that twinge of regret in her eyes. Instinctively, he reached out, taking her hand in his.
"We may not have the time during this visit… But, we will for the next one. We'll have all the time in the world."
Why did I say that?
"You're right." She nodded. "We will."
As El's expression brightened, regaining its former strength, Byleth's mind darkened.
I can't promise that, can I?
I can't make these promises anymore.
So, why do I keep doing it…?
It's no longer for her sake anymore, is it?
…It's for mine.
"Though, no matter what, I will show you the gardens before we leave." Edelgard gripped his hand, weaving her fingers between his. "They are something I've been wanting to show you for a while, now."
I'm sorry, El.
"Thank you again, my Byleth."
At that, his head perked up.
"What for?" He asked. A stupid question. It was obvious what she was thanking him for, but her remark caught him so entirely off guard he couldn't help but ask it.
"For many things." Her smile turned gentle, her thumb caressing his hand. Again, it reminded him of the glimpse he caught in the Goddess Tower. "But, in this instance, for agreeing to come along with me."
"Oh."
Byleth didn't need to be thanked for that; he would have followed her here in a heartbeat. It had been his first expedition outside of the monastery's territory that didn't involve an assignment since he signed on to be a professor. It was a welcomed opportunity, even if, in the end, it was towards their shared goal.
"To have this time with you before I... unfurl hell, means a great deal to me," Edelgard continued softly. "I could think of no better way to end my time as a student."
Byleth lowered his head, his eyes fixated on their conjoined hands.
"I feel the same."
Edelgard would never know how deeply he felt that.
The princess was silent for a moment, that gentle look on her face dissipating as she contemplated something. Given the far off, distant look in her eyes, it was likely something regarding the future.
"I hate to ruin the ambiance of this evening, but there is something I must broach regarding the coming-"
Byleth squeezed her hand, and he inched closer.
"Then, why don't we avoid it?"
"Huh?"
Edelgard lifted her head, blinking dumbly at him.
So, he squeezed her hand again.
"Let's not speak of it tonight."
Her brows rose, but as they did, the corners of her lips curved downward.
"But, Byleth, you should know-"
"There'll be tomorrow to discuss our looming future. And the next day. And the day after," Byleth said, shaking his head. Just saying it left a bitter taste in his mouth. "But, for tonight… Just for tonight, I don't want to think of it. I… don't want to think of any it."
Just for tonight, he didn't want to dwell on Sothis. On his father.
He didn't want to spend another sleepless night trying to decipher the breadcrumbs that were left for him in his dreams.
For one night, he wanted to escape that ever-growing sense of dread and doom. To push aside the guilt for one evening.
No one knew how much time they had left together. Byleth didn't see a reality in which tomorrows' todays would be anything like tonight. If time was like sand, constantly slipping through the cracks of his hands, he didn't want to spend this moment considering his mortality, his morality, his being, and his future.
Having an answer to everything wouldn't change anything right now.
He closed his eyes as he slowly drooped forward. Once he felt the warmth of Edelgard's forehead graze against his, he stopped.
"I just want to think of you."
He wanted to think about Edelgard. About Enbarr, and its gardens.
And he wanted to think about that little girl, laughing in that field.
"…Okay."
Though her response was low, almost eerily calm, Byleth could feel the heat radiating from her cheeks.
And he realized, how rare it was for them to be as close as they were now. They had loved each other for what felt like ages, but he could only count a handful of times where they had been as close as they were now.
Edelgard must have realized it as well, as not a second later he felt her hand loop around his shoulders as it came to rest against the back of his neck. He felt her push lightly against him.
Deciding to take a leap, knowing that this very well might be the last chance he would get to do something like this…
Byleth placed each of his hands beneath her two arms.
"Byleth?"
Edelgard shrieked in surprise as he lifted her into the air, promptly moving her to the vacant spot in front of his lap.
"W-what are you doing?"
Her face was as red as a ripe tomato at this point. A rare sight, one Byleth would have liked to examine further, but he knew he had to ignore it. Somewhat.
Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulled her back into his chest and leaned against the trunk of the tree that was conveniently placed behind him.
"I find this more comfortable," Byleth stated. He glanced down at her bright red face. "Do you not?"
Edelgard bristled at his touch, seemingly every muscle in her body tensing.
But after a few seconds of listening to the crickets' chirps, she relaxed.
"I-I do. It's quite comfortable."
Edelgard's shoulders slumped as she rested her back against his body, placing her hands atop his arms.
"In fact, I do not remember the last time I felt such comfort," She murmured, her voice trailing off.
The professor smirked, resting his chin atop her head. The fires in his chest were raging. Anxiety, nervousness, a tiny bit of embarrassment, gripped his heart with a talon-like hold.
But, instead of shy away, he decided to steer headlong into it. On this night, he did not mind stoking those flames.
And as he tightened his embrace around her- not so much to make it uncomfortable, but just enough to realize how perfectly her back seemed to fit against his chest, he fought back those feelings of greed and desire. A small voice whispered in his ear to push his luck, and claim something more. With El so close, the scent of her hair drifting into his nose and the thumping of her rapid heartbeat tapping against him, the temptations were strong.
But, they were not strong enough. Byleth decided that if this was to be the last night he'd share with her, he would be more than content with simply this.
In truth, after all they had gone through, he desired her company and the sound of her voice more than anything else at this moment.
So, as he closed his eyes, allowing Edelgard's entirety overwrite his senses, Byleth let go of all of those nagging weights. The fear that was born from the image of a great, white dragon. The uncertainty of what tomorrow might hold, and if his loved ones might be able to persist against the encroaching darkness with the tools Byleth left for them.
It was all pushed back as he nuzzled his cheek against her hair. It would return soon enough, that he was sure, but…
Even he had his limits.
But, so did everyone.
Wasn't it natural?
Is it not a characteristic, so uniquely descriptive of humanity, to try and hide away? To seek shelter from the cold in the warmth of another?
Was it not normal to hold tight to what was loved, just to keep a cruel fate at bay for one second longer?
These things…
Were they not uniquely human?
Byleth flinched as he felt Edelgard wiggle in his hold.
Her hair swayed as she turned her head up to look at him, the light of the fire casting shadows across her face. A smile, while broad and wide, that was nearly hidden from view.
But, in her eyes, he only saw light.
An embodiment of a future he so desperately wanted to preserve.
"I love you, you know," Byleth whispered.
"I love you, too, Byleth."
Her smile grew, to the point where Byleth could see it, even in the poor light.
And it was in that smile, and in those eyes, that Byleth found one more answer. One that had been pushed to the sidelines with the torment at Remire, and the deaths of his father and of Sothis.
This is what you were trying to inform me of, wasn't it, Sothis? Given the context of our conversation, I always assumed the obvious, and I think you did, too...
But, I know now, beyond a shadow of any doubt. I only wish I realized it sooner, when you were still around to apologize to.
"Hey, El."
"Yes?"
"If you would not mind, could you tell me more about Enbarr?"
Because, Byleth wanted to know all that he could about this person sitting right in front of him.
Edelgard held his gaze for a few moments, before nodding slightly and allowing herself to rest against his chest once more. Byleth smiled slightly as he felt her push against him a little harder this time.
"I would be happy to."
The princess began to regale him with her time in the Imperial capital, almost all of her talk focusing on the happier, brighter times of her life there. Byleth sat there quietly, ears strained to listen to each and every word that floated out of her mouth.
They sat there, for what felt like hours, conversing as they watched the flames of the campfire dance before them. Occasionally, Byleth's eyes would drift to the beautiful backdrop of the night sky behind it, his pupils jumping from shining star to shining star.
Eventually, Edelgard fell asleep. He wasn't sure the exact time, but he supposed it didn't matter much. While he could never get his fill, he could be content with continuing the conversation another time.
Eventually, the fires stopped dancing and fizzled out. Only the stars remained.
Eventually, Byleth's eyelids grew heavy.
And, eventually, they closed, as well.
Once more, Edelgard dreamed of a field in the middle of nowhere. A little slice of nature, so beautiful that it almost made her weep. She could feel the grass and dandelions beneath her bare feet, and the wind caressing her cheeks as gently as a lover's touch. The sky, so far overhead, went on for miles. She was not afraid of it enclosing around her, trapping her in. Byleth's voice filled her ears. There was something warm, incredibly so, gripping her hand fiercely. What it was, she was not sure, but it wasn't Byleth's hand. Not this time.
While Byleth dreamed something similar, it was also something else entirely.
It was not a pale dragon he saw.
Nor a wave of flame and falling ash.
There was no blood, no fighting, no war. No familiar faces.
It was a field, much like Edelgard's, but it was covered in inches of snow. The white flakes were thrown into the air as wind whipped through the clearing. He could spot clumps of verdant grass poking their blades out from wherever the snow was cleared. With the light from the azure moon shining overhead, the fluffy blanket that engulfed the ground almost appeared silver in color.
But, in its center, a flower bloomed.
A single carnation, dyed a beautiful crimson.
And though it was so small, surrounded by an assortment of different colors, it was what Byleth's eyes were drawn to first.
And there you have it! Like I said, some romance in there among... other things.
Alright, my thought process here might be a little gushy and hard to follow, but there were some things I wanted to touch on!
One of the beauties of fanfiction is that it lets the writer add on to certain scenes in the story, as you know. And Edelgard's coronation... well, it isn't exactly LONG. Massively important, but it's legitimately, like, a paragraph worth of words. I didn't realize just how short it actually was until I recently replayed that segment of the game.
So, it was extremely important to me to cover the trip there, and the trip back. I think the time the two spend in this segment of the game is JUST as important as the coronation itself. Maybe not to the story itself, but to the characters and how I wanted to build them. It is, quite literally, the last 'relaxed' moment the two spend alone before the big battle (at least, in game), so I knew I wanted to give it a hefty covering.
Another important thing to me was giving Byleth the ability to find his own 'reason' to go as well, and I'm not talking about Edelgard. Obviously, he goes because Edelgard asks him (if you pick the choice), but I also wanted to give him a more... emotional reason. There are many theories out there for why it's so important for Edelgard for Byleth to accompany her outside of the obvious, but there's really... nothing on Byleth. Unsurprisingly.
Just like her, I wanted to give Byleth some extra motivation, and I wanted that reason to focus on his own turmoil. In case you haven't noticed, developing Byleth as a character has been something I've REALLY wanted to focus on throughout this White Clouds part.
It's really this segment of the story where I've enjoyed this sort of 'role reversal' between Byleth and Edelgard, as noted by the man himself up above. Byleth, weighed down by the shadows of doubt, while Edelgard begins more and more to exhibit her hope for the future. This hope comes a little later in the game, but with how I structured this story, I knew I had to bump it up some. And for Byleth... Well, all this stuff he's feeling now will be important come later on. Another issue I have with the Black Eagles version of White Clouds is the under-developed ending of it...
Which leads me to the final bit I will discuss for now, and that'll be the little Sothis callback I throw in at the end. Yeah, it certainly is a reference to an earlier chapter and conversation between the two, but which one? :)
Hell, I'm sure you'll all probably find it and draw your own conclusions, so I'm very, VERY, excited to reach the segments of the story where this all reaches it's climax! There have been many seemingly 'throwaway' lines and other tidbits I've tossed in here, leaving the door open for me to cover these next chapters the way I've always envisioned. Seriously, super excited. Can't stress this enough.
...Damn, I absolutely love this game, and I'm super happy to be writing again!
In the next chapter, we'll likely be covering the entirety of the coronation scene, as well as some extra stuff that I won't go into great detail on. If you're worried I've forgotten about Ionius, the Immaculate One, or them Slitherers, well, don't be.
Until next time, everyone! Please, stay safe out there! Whether you're staying in doors, or out protesting, make sure to stay safe!
