Rhea beamed, her radiant gaze following the approaching professor's every step. Seeing Byleth once again before her, once again within the safety and protection of the monastery's walls… A great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. From the day he left on his short, personal trip, Rhea had been fraught with worry and anxiety. She could hardly sleep without him here, she could hardly think without knowing with certainty where he was.
But now, Byleth had returned. Staring into his beautiful, striking green eyes… Rhea felt her heartbeat settle into its normal rhythm. Watching the way his silky, green hair seemingly shimmered in the hall's natural lighting…
"Byleth."
Rhea's voice drifted from her mouth as the spring's breeze moved through the leaves.
"It brings my heart great joy to see you again."
Beside her, Seteth was fidgeting in place. Usually the calm, composed man, but today, he seemed almost jumpy. It was hardly on Rhea's mind, however.
Byleth had returned.
They had returned.
"The feeling is mutual." Byleth nodded politely. A glance was casted Seteth's way, lingering there for a moment before returning to her. "Thank you again for allowing my extended absence."
Rhea faltered as her ears hung on that single word, but just as quickly as it wavered, her expression revitalized and regained its luminosity once more. She had not particularly wished for Byleth to leave the confines of their territory as he did, but no matter. They were back, and they were safe. That was all that mattered.
"There is no need for thanks. I only hope your time away was the much-needed break you deserved."
Byleth's brows twitched, but other than that slight movement, there were no clear changes to his expression.
"It was."
The professor grew silent, his gaze moving to his feet. He looked hesitant. As if his tongue had tied into a knot in his mouth. Rhea found his reaction quite curious, and she wondered what might have caused it.
Before that nagging worry could return, Seteth spoke.
"If your purpose was simply to check in with us, Professor Byleth, you are free to retire for the day. You must be fatigued from a long journey, and as there are not any pressing matters that we must attend to this-"
"There was one thing."
Byleth rose his head. Seteth went silent once more, but Rhea could feel his gaze shift back and forth between her and the professor.
"I was hoping you wouldn't mind joining me for some tea this morning."
Rhea's smile grew as she nodded readily. Now that she thought about it, the three of them had yet to share a glass of tea together, let alone a meal. As Seteth was her adviser and close, personal friend, the two had shared many quiet moments together with a kettle between them, but never with the professor.
The thought of sharing the lovely aroma and taste of a freshly brewed pot of tea with him sounded very pleasant.
"That sounds lovely, Byleth. I would be honored."
The archbishop looked to her adviser.
"Would you care to join us, Seteth?"
"I am flattered by the offer, but to my dismay, I must decline." Seteth bowed his head. "There is some business I must see to regarding the end of the academic year."
"Ah, yes. Of course. Thank you, Seteth."
It was always a busy time of year when the classes reached their end and graduation approached. Doubly so with the coming ceremony in just a few, short weeks. It was unfortunate indeed that Seteth could not accompany them, but she could not fault his impressive work ethic.
"Perhaps another time, then." Rhea smiled at her subordinate, then stepped towards Byleth. "Follow me, Byleth. We can enjoy our tea in my quarters."
Byleth quirked a brow. He seemed surprise by the notion, but he nodded nonetheless. As Rhea strode by, the professor fell into step with her. Meanwhile, Seteth stayed rooted in place.
A pack of knights attempted to flank the duo so that they may escort them to their destination, but the archbishop waved them off. There was hardly a reason for an armed escort on a short trip to her chambers.
Together, the pair left the monastery's throne room, exiting through the pair of great, wooden doors. The familiar hallways passed by as they walked together, a few faces giving the two of them a nod or greeting as they passed by.
"Are you prepared for the end of the term, Byleth?" Rhea asked innocently, deciding it best to break the comfortable silence between them.
"I suppose," he replied with a sigh.
Rhea glanced over at him with a small smirk.
"That did not sound very convincing, my child."
Byleth returned it with a grin off his own. Rhea always loved Byleth's smile- it was like a rainbow after the end of a long, long storm. Rarely did she have the chance to see it, but its beauty struck her all the same.
"Truthfully, I am not very convinced."
A few short seconds later, they reached Rhea's chambers. She opened the door, and with a light touch on Byleth's back, ushered him into the room.
Rhea never particularly cared for her room. It was quite spacious, and filled with various items, but none of them held much importance.
There was a grand bed, a handful of bookshelves filled to the brim with all kinds of literature, an elegantly crafted desk… But they all were simply items. Meaningless possessions that held no weight- they took up space in her room because it would be far too empty without. They were simply background features to keep her eyes occupied. Background noise to keep her mind from traveling to darker places. Items she possessed in a vain attempt to counterbalance the loneliness she felt.
However, she did appreciate the view. The windows overlooking Garreg Mach were probably what she loved most about her room.
"Go ahead and take a seat while I prepare the tea."
Rhea motioned to one of the two armchairs positioned directly in front of a window. Between the two chairs was an end table with a candle on its surface. On occasion, Rhea would sit there by the candlelight and stare at the stars above.
Byleth nodded, his eyes glancing around the unfamiliar space as he made his way to his seat.
"May I ask what it is that is troubling you so?" Rhea continued their conversation as she prepared their drinks.
She could hear the professor shift in his seat as he prepared his answer.
"There's just… too much uncertainty. Uncharted territory that I am not used to," Byleth said with a sigh. "There have been many times where I felt as though I was lost without a map or compass to guide me. I do not like feeling that way."
Rhea frowned as she prepared the water to boil. That answer upset her, stoking the fires of guilt within her chest. There was no doubt in her mind that she played a sizeable part in Byleth feeling that way. He had lost much, and had been entrusted with much. Each month posed a different obstacle, never allowing for a comfortable routine in his first year here with them.
But if he just held on a little longer… Just a little longer… It would all be worth it.
Or, that was what the archbishop told herself.
"This was not the life I envisioned for myself when I followed in Jeralt's footsteps."
Rhea paused, looking back across her shoulder at him.
Byleth was leaned back in his seat, his head resting against the back of his chair. It was tilted upwards, his eyes staring at the sky through the window.
"That seems to be the nature of life… No soul knows what destiny or the goddess has in store for them; we can only do the best with what is given to us."
For some reason, that sentence left a bitter taste in Rhea's mouth.
Byleth lowered his head to meet her eyes. He didn't seem convinced.
"And that thought doesn't make you feel… suffocated? Powerless?"
The choice in words were concerning, but Rhea managed to keep her calm demeanor.
"How so?"
"If our lives are to be decided for us, every high and every low some part of a greater blueprint that we are never given the chance to see, then what is it exactly that we have control over? I find no comfort in that ideology."
The professor hesitated. He stole a look at the windowsill, his eyes drawn to the ray of sunlight that had broken through the sheet of white clouds.
"I have no desire in being caged bird, destined to only stare at a familiar sky from the ground below."
Rhea was so engrossed in Byleth's words, so fixated on his shimmering, green hair in the sunlight, that she hardly registered the slight whistle coming from the teapot.
The archbishop quickly took the kettle off the flame, ruminating on his words as she poured the boiling water into two teacups.
"There is no being that walks this earth that has not felt that way once before, dear child," Rhea murmured. Her eyes were drawn to her reflection in the water's surface. Though it was her own face she was staring at, it was hardly recognizable. The ripples in the water distorted her eyes, making them indiscernible- as if they had simply fallen out of their sockets. "But… I have faith."
She could feel Byleth's silent gaze move to her back.
Rhea composed herself, smiling gently as she turned to face him, tea in hand.
"Faith that all of these occurrences happen for a reason," she said, striding towards him. "And faith in the goddess's judgement."
Rhea placed the tea on the table between the two chairs, then sat down herself.
"I truly believe that our destinations will make the perilous journeys we take worth it in the end."
Byleth nodded his thanks as he accepted the offered drink.
"How can you be so sure?" He asked, teacup held but a few inches from his lips.
"I have stood where you stand now, Byleth. Our paths, they are not so different," Rhea replied, taking a reserved sip of her tea. It was still piping hot, but it did not bother her. "As you said, there were times where I felt suffocated- where the weight pressing down on my chest was so burdensome, I could hardly draw breath. Where it seemed as though everywhere I looked, all I could see was the crimson of blood. A time where I had lost everything…"
Rhea dared not travel down that line of thought any longer than was necessary. Simply remembering those dark days, remembering those harrowing sights… The pain, the blood, the death… Dwelling on it for too long was dangerous.
Byleth had leaned forward, his head tilting towards her. His tea was already long forgotten.
"And then?"
"And then…" Rhea smiled softly. A disarming smile. A ploy to hide the racing mind behind her façade. Just how much should she share with him? She had to choose her words carefully… Truth had a way of revealing itself in time, but she feared that hastening its arrival could have unforeseen consequences to her greater goal. "I, too, received divine protection from the goddess."
"Truly?"
The professor's face remained impassive. There was no expression, no hint of human emotion. His green eyes, which suddenly felt a little sharper, continued to stare at her unfazed. She knew not to expect much from Byleth's reactions, but even she expected a little more astonishment.
The pain and guilt from earlier returned. She was at fault for that colorless gaze. It was her fault that fate has been so cruel to him… Her fault that he felt so lost…
This was a battle she fought quite frequently with herself- a battle between her heart and her mind. Her morals and her goals.
No matter how fervently she pursued her dream of seeing her mother once again, there was always that one, tiny whisper in the back of her mind questioning the sanctity of her actions. Questioning if she had the right to play this role of hers or to use her power in such away. Questioning if the sacrifices made for dream were truly worth it in the end.
As always, Rhea was quick to squash those whispers.
The truth was, there was no sacrifice too great. She would give anything to fill that gaping hole in her heart.
Once her mother returned, everything would be okay. Everything would be okay. No longer would she have to be alone. No longer would she have to live this agonizing, solitary life… Those days that defined her would be but a distant memory- a relic of the past. A nightmare she would finally wake up from.
So desperately did she wish to be held in her mother's arms just once more… To hear that lovely, beautiful voice comfort her just as it did before… Rhea did not want to be alone anymore. The archbishop would do and give anything necessary to reclaim the light that was stolen from her.
It would all be worth it in the end.
With the resurrection of the progenitor god, all of mankind would benefit. The darkness would finally be cast out and the light would shine forevermore. Her desires may be selfish, but in the end, they would benefit all life.
"Yes." Rhea nodded. "Long, long ago. Though our circumstances differ, we are both souls blessed by the progenitor god."
She reached out, gently taking Byleth's hand in her own.
He did not object to the gesture. The only reaction Byleth gave was the way his eyes shot to their conjoined hands.
"That is how I can be so sure, Byleth," Rhea whispered. "I have stood where you stand now, and after all this time, I can finally see the sun on the horizon."
"I see..." Byleth murmured, his gaze avoiding hers. "And you think something similar will happen to me after the ceremony? That through her revelation, I can finally find the light?"
"I know it will, my dear Byleth."
Byleth tilted his head away from her. At this angle, it almost appeared as though he was frowning.
Either the sunlight or her eyes were playing tricks on her, as when he went to drink from his tea, the look was gone.
Next to the library and his own bed, the monastery's rampart was Claude's favorite spot at the academy.
It was quiet.
It was peaceful.
It was secluded.
The leader of the Golden Deer found that extremely fitting for an outsider such as himself.
And, from this spot, he had a perfect view of the world below and the skies above. The stars, the mountains, the forests, everything. As though he was on some plane between heaven and earth, he could see it all.
Ever since he was a child, Claude enjoyed standing beneath the night sky. Whenever he felt afraid, anxious, insecure, he would stand in a spot similar to this one and gaze upon the millions of stars. Seeing all of those lights, so far away yet shining so clearly, helped him gain perspective. It made him feel small; almost insignificant.
When he realized that, he also realized that perhaps a small dream for a small man like himself was not so impossible to achieve.
And in his opinion, there was no better spot to stargaze and gain a little perspective than right here atop Garreg Mach's walls.
…The only problem, however, was that a certain professor and a certain princess had stolen his spot. It was only after they both had left on their little 'trip' that Claude could start coming back here for some peace and quiet.
Granted, he likely could have joined them if he truly wanted to. Professor Byleth probably would not have cared, and the Princess… Well, it would have likely riled her up a smidge, and Claude was always fond of doing that.
However, while Claude played many roles, third wheel was not one of them. Perhaps a bit ironic given his self-proclaimed title of 'outsider,' but it just wasn't his style. Romance was an 'A' and 'B' type of conversation, so he always made sure to see himself out of it when able.
Plus, it was just plain uncomfortable. With those two returning, Claude was fully prepared to relinquish his spot once more.
Yet, to his surprise… Professor Byleth was the one to ask him to meet here.
Claude interlaced his fingers behind his head, lifting his eyes to the cloudy sky. There was no ominous tinge to these clouds signaling any approaching thunderstorm, but Claude found them threatening all the same. As to why, he could not place his thumb on it. It was just a gut feeling.
"I wonder what the professor wants…" Claude trailed off.
It was quite rare for Teach to call him out for a talk. While Claude enjoyed speaking to someone as enigmatic as Byleth, it was usually the Deer doing the initiating, not the other way around. He wondered if it was something important.
Given the trajectory this academic year has taken, it had to be, right?
Well, as fate would have it, he wouldn't have to wait much longer.
"Hey there, Teach."
Claude smirked, turning to face the approaching professor. The house leader felt a tiny sense of accomplishment noticing those raised brows of Byleth's.
"You have good ears, Claude."
"Have to in this line of work." Claude's smirk grew, a finger tapping his right ear. "Though, I'm sure you knew that."
Byleth returned his crooked grin and nodded. As rare a sight as it was, Claude also noted how quickly the expression fizzled out. He watched as Byleth's attention moved to the mountain tops in the distance.
Obviously, Claude was wondering why Byleth asked him here, but seeing this 'rapid-fire' display of emotion from the emotionless man piqued his interest even more.
"Something got you down, Professor?" Claude asked, moving his hands to his pockets.
"I just had tea with the archbishop."
"Oof."
Claude had always subscribed to the notion that you should never judge a book by its cover, but not in this case. From day one here at Garreg Mach he had pegged Archbishop Rhea as someone to be careful around. And as the days went by and his perceptions changed, that first impression never did.
To her credit, however, she was quite the actress… Perhaps even better than the professor. She had a way of disarming you with her eyes, with her voice, with her smiles, but this was far from Claude's first rodeo. He knew better than to be deceived by pretty looks and a sweet voice. There was something lurking beneath those gentle eyes, but as to what, he could not say.
Needless to say, having a one-on-one sit down with the archbishop sounded like a terrifying affair. Gravity seemed to double in any room Rhea stepped foot in.
"That can take the wind out of your sails, alright," Claude laughed, throwing a cautionary glance Byleth's way. "What'd you two talk about? Must have been something pretty intriguing, no?"
Curiosity got the better of him.
"Life."
Byleth's immediate response caught Claude off guard. He had expected a deflection, not a straight answer.
"Destiny, fate, faith…" The professor trailed off, his gaze moving towards the clenched fist at his side. "Things that cannot be measured, quantified, nor understood."
Byleth paused and turned to him.
"Tell me, Claude, do you believe in that?" The professor asked. "That our lives are preordained, already decided for us? That we are bound to these words of 'fate' and 'destiny?'"
"Not in the least. I think it's a load of holier-than-thou drivel."
"Oh?" Byleth smirked. Given the glint in his eyes, this answer was not unexpected. He almost appeared amused. "Why is that?"
"You can't take something as unpredictable and mysterious as human life and blindly shackle it to two flimsy and worthless words that do no one any good." Claude frowned, shaking his head. "Life is what you make of it. You. Only you. Not some goddess or her disciples."
The Golden Deer faltered, realizing now just who he was speaking to.
Claude chuckled, a hand sheepishly rubbing the back of his head.
"Don't tell the goddess I said that, though."
Byleth laughed. It was deep and throaty. It wasn't a sound he would immediately pair with Byleth.
"Sothis would not mind."
Claude's eyes widened, his hand freezing. Byleth either ignored it or was oblivious to Claude's incredulous gaze.
How… How could the professor know that? Was he really on a first-name basis with the goddess?
Claude shook it off, but made a mental note of that little slip.
"What about you, Professor?"
Byleth pondered the question, a hand idly scratching his chin as he stared at nothing in particular.
"If you asked me a year ago, I wouldn't have an opinion."
"And now?" Claude prodded.
"It's… hard to say." Byleth shrugged. "Sometimes when I consider the route my life has taken, this Crest, this sword, Sothis… I wonder if it was destined."
Byleth peeked at Claude.
"Sometimes I ask myself if that night in Remire Village was fate's way of leading me to all of you."
Claude would be the first to admit that meeting Byleth and Jeralt that night was an awful big coincidence. After being chased by bandits, the three leaders just happened to run into the Blade Breaker and his son? A son who, by the by, was the carrier of the Crest of Flames? The eventual wielder of the Sword of the Creator? The soon-to-be… whatever he was with the goddess?
Yeah, one hell of a coincidence.
But, in his eyes, that's all it truly was.
A coincidence.
Things did happen for a reason. Like a row of dominos, the first tips over, and the rest follow with it.
In his experience, those reasons were, in most cases, born from the hearts and desires of man. In most cases, it was usually some man or woman that knocked over that first domino. Not some 'greater power.' It wouldn't be a case of 'divine intervention.'
As the saying goes, when you hear hoof beats in the distance, expect horses, not zebras.
"However, I know firsthand that nothing is certain. Our fates are not set in stone. Events destined to happen can change." Byleth faltered for a second, a shadow passing over his expression. "Even in Jeralt's case, I am not entirely convinced that his death was a design of fate. I think it more likely that I just… failed him."
Byleth sighed, shaking his head.
"It's very possible that our lives are set on certain trajectories. Maybe it was my destiny to become a mercenary and follow in my father's footsteps. Without interference, that's probably what we'd be doing now."
The professor turned to Claude.
"But I also believe that those trajectories develop and grow as we do. With each passing day, we all change just a little bit. We grow older and wiser. We meet people that help us change our very definitions on what it means to be alive. We go down different forks in the road, and eventually, our paths look nothing like they did at the beginning…"
Byleth flashed a small smile.
"Life's what you make of it, right? It is not to be decided by someone else."
"Wise words, wonder where I've heard that before." Claude smirked. He turned his gaze to the horizon, eyes absently taking in the peaks of the mountains. "'Trajectories,' huh?"
Interesting theory.
Claude wondered what his 'initial trajectory' might have looked like without any outside interference, but he quickly realized there were too many variables. It hurt his head to think about. It's possible that if the world wasn't the way it was, if people weren't so entrenched in their archaic views and weren't so unaccepting by those different than them, that he'd still be in Almyra…
"That's a lot to think about, Teach," Claude whistled. "I'll just focus on that bit we agreed on."
Byleth chuckled. The sound of his laughter was still somewhat surprising.
"Forgive me; it's a subject that's been on my mind a lot lately. I suppose I was overeager to discuss it."
Claude glanced at the mercenary but remained silent. Meanwhile, Byleth's eyes had returned to the mountains.
"So, was that what you called me here for?" Claude asked. He had nearly forgotten that part, but he really was curious as to why Byleth wanted to meet.
Byleth blinked, seeming to only remember that little bit just now.
"Ah, right. I almost forgot."
That made two of them.
"There was something I wanted to give you."
Byleth reached into his jacket, pulling out a small, leather book. A diary, by the looks of it.
The cover was worn with age. Some of the pages looked to be a tad wrinkled. Whatever contents this book held, it must have had quite a few years on it. And given the almost sentimental look in Byleth's eyes… It held a great deal of importance.
Of course, Claude was very enamored by it. One does not just pull out a dusty, ancient book without a reason.
"Here."
Claude raised a brow, hesitantly accepting the offered book. He gave it a once over, then met Byleth's eyes once more.
"What is it?" Claude asked. When he opened the pages, his nostrils were immediately greeted with the subtle fragrances of old age and… alcohol?
"My father's diary."
Claude's eyes widened, the book nearly falling from his fingertips.
His father's? As in Jeralt's? The captain of the knights? The man who fathered the Ashen Demon? The legendary Bladebreaker? His diary?
The Riegan had never even entertained the idea that such a piece of history could exist… Well, of course it could, he had just never considered it. Jeralt didn't seem like the diary-keeping type.
Now that he had, however, his excitement was endless. Claude wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of the evening devouring every word on each page. He could hardly fathom the stories, the sheer amounts of information this little notebook could muster. The possibilities… They were endless. This old, musty book could answer so many of Claude's questions.
There wasn't a soul in the academy that hadn't heard the tales of Byleth's famed father, and now Claude was given a firsthand account of the Bladebreaker's life from the man himself? The contents of this diary… Other than Byleth and Jeralt, there would be no one that would be privy to what was written here.
What Claude now held in his hands was literal gold. In fact, more valuable than gold…
Which begged the question:
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why are you giving me this?" Claude questioned, shaking the diary in Byleth's general direction.
"Do you not want it?"
"Obviously, I do," he replied, quickly retracting the book. "I just don't understand why you'd part with it so easily. Surely there are… other people that you'd rather give it to."
A certain, snowy-haired princess came to mind. Claude didn't understand why Byleth would give him something so valuable instead of her, or hell, even Leonie.
Claude didn't like things he didn't understand.
"…I see." Byleth nodded to himself. The professor smiled, but it was far too forlorn for Claude's liking. "I've already left what I've needed for the Eagles. My heart, my soul, my everything… They will always belong to-"
The professor shut his mouth at the worst possible time, as Claude really wanted to hear the end of that sentence.
The professor grew quiet as he stared off into the sky. It was as though he was examining things that weren't truly there, which only proved to heighten Claude's curiosity- almost as much as his previous answer. It was all so… ominous. As if he was leaving a will rather than giving gifts.
"As for myself, I can no longer read the words on the pages without hearing his voice in my ears. I can no longer read his stories without picturing my father's face or, in my mother's case, a lack thereof."
Byleth smiled, but there was no joy in it. No mirth. Only pain.
It was an expression Claude recognized instantly. One very familiar to him, as it bore a burden he had seen many times before. He had seen it in his own reflection, and he had seen it in the eyes of his closest friends and comrades.
It was one of pain.
Loneliness.
And a subtle note of jealousy. Not towards anyone in particular, mind you. Just towards those that had the luck to experience things that he never did. Family, love, support, acceptance… Wonderful things that folk with 'fates' like theirs never got a real chance to taste.
For people like Byleth and Claude, one might say it was their 'destiny' to always be on the other side of a glass window. Always stuck on the outside looking in.
Claude could understand why Byleth didn't wish to hold on to Jeralt's diary. As he understood it, the former captain was the only thing resembling stability, support, and familial love in the professor's early life. To suddenly lose that… Well, the pain would be vast.
The Deer frowned as he examined the worn cover of the diary. His brain was screaming at him to take the money and run. Opportunities like this came once in a lifetime, and had Claude known sooner about Jeralt's diary, he probably would have propositioned Byleth for it himself.
And yet…
"Claude."
Byleth's voice pulled him from his thoughts.
The Riegan lifted his head, meeting Byleth's eyes. They were much more… cheerful now? If one could say that? At the least, they didn't resemble that sad sight from before.
"The most important things my father left me are stored here-"
Byleth tapped his head.
"And here."
Then, his heart.
"And that will last me a lifetime." Byleth shook his head, a small smile gracing his lips. "You can find more use out of that diary, now. Please, accept it."
"Fair enough." Claude nodded, stashing the book away. "Thank you, Professor Byleth."
"Of course." Byleth's smile broadened. Claude decided it was a shame the professor didn't smile more, as it was very… comforting. Calm and easygoing.
The former mercenary exhaled slowly, his eyes lingering on the descending sun.
"There is more I have to do today…" Byleth whispered, as if to himself. His gaze lowered to meet Claude's. There was a long, pregnant pause as Claude became increasingly aware of the fact that the professor was studying him. Scrutinizing him, even. "I'll have to excuse myself for now."
"That's it?" Claude quirked a brow.
"It is." Byleth nodded, stepping past the Deer. He placed his hand on Claude's shoulder, giving it a reaffirming squeeze as he strolled past. "Take care of yourself, Claude."
There was a fierce aroma of finality to this entire exchange that confused him. Why did everything sound so final all of a sudden?
As much as Claude loved charitable giving when he was on the receiving end, he didn't buy that Byleth just up and 'decided' to fork this diary over. Very rarely did someone gift someone something without a good reason. Something of this magnitude had to have a reason.
There had to be a reason.
Because everyone had a reason, and Claude had always been enamored in Byleth's.
"Byleth."
Claude called out to him.
The professor stopped, turning back. The sudden use of his name without the title before it caught his attention.
"This book," Claude said, gesturing with it in hand. "It's not the reason you called me here, is it? I mean, it's part of it, but it wasn't your true intention, was it?"
There was something else.
Something he neglected to mention.
Something that spurred this onward. If the sole purpose was to gift him the diary, he had weeks to do that. Claude didn't buy that on the very same day that he returned from his trip with Edelgard, he just happened to decide now was the perfect opportunity to gift him with built him up to this.
Byleth stared at him wide-eyed for a few moments before he broke away. Silently, he nodded.
"…You are right, of course," he replied with a slight smirk. "It was not my true intention, but I wanted you to have it all the same."
"May I ask what was?"
That smirk evaporated as Byleth's sights turned to the tops of the cathedral that towered over the entirety of the monastery. They remained there for quite a while.
"To say farewell."
The words came out of his mouth so painfully slow, like they were being weighed down by something invisible to the human eye.
"The day approaches where our paths will diverge. After this 'ceremony' Rhea has planned for me, I fear these comfortable days here as professor and student our bound to end."
"Hehe, is that so?" Claude chuckled, but it was hollow. This was something that wasn't unexpected. "I'll admit, after the months we've had, it does feel like it's been leading up to something big."
A massive understatement. After word broke out about the horrors of Remire Village, the tension on campus just kept piling on. It had been palpable.
The massacre at Remire.
The attack on the monastery, followed by Jeralt's death at the hands of Monica.
The events in the Sealed Forest.
The reveal of the ceremony in the holy tomb.
Byleth's sudden 'trip' with Edelgard.
All this time, it felt as though Claude had been watching a chess match with invisible players and pieces. He could not see the players, but he knew them to be there by the moves they made. He could not see the moves nor where the pieces landed, but he could hear the sounds they made.
Every month, there was some new piece of information. Some new steamy piece of gossip. He wagered that it was only a matter of time until it all boiled over and something explosive happened.
Claude frowned. He turned his gaze upwards and to the sky. It was still afternoon, so all that he could see was that blue backdrop, those white clouds, and that impossibly bright sun.
At this moment of uncertainty, he only wished he could see the thousands of stars in the sky. If only to gain a little perspective.
Damn... If things were different, or I had just been a bit quicker… perhaps this game of chess would have been mine to play.
Maybe if things were different…
"Well, we had a pretty good run," Claude exhaled. "It was fun while it lasted."
Claude lowered his head and met Byleth's confused face. The Deer smiled, but it was a smile that never reached his eyes.
"If nothing else, I'll at least have a good memory of going shopping with you and His Highness."
Byleth held his gaze unflinchingly for what felt like an eternity. His green eyes did not blink, nor did they wander. His lips were pushed together, the muscles in his jaw tight. For a moment, Claude wondered if Byleth had simply not heard him.
But, it vanished.
That furrowed brow disappeared, and Byleth smiled.
"Don't forget Hilda and Marianne, also."
"How could I?" Claude laughed. "Our fashion sense definitely left something to be desired. For such a delicate flower, Hilda wouldn't let me hear the end of it."
This time, it was more than a little giggle from someone once touted as the 'Ashen Demon.' Suddenly, that nickname held a lot less water.
The laughter eventually quieted down, leaving Byleth with nothing but his smile. Claude couldn't help but notice how different it was from his own. It was as though that silly grin of his had spread to every nook and cranny of the professor's face.
"That was a good day…"
Byleth's smile fizzled out. He grew quiet, staring at his feet.
Claude was never really good at goodbyes, but he knew the moment was upon him given how awkward and tense the air between them had become.
Goodbyes were hard to plan for, and harder to pull off. There was no textbook or past experience he could draw from for ideas, as every farewell was a little different. And, while using your gut could work on the battlefield, it was pretty hit or miss in a conversation.
Someone like Edelgard or Dimitri would likely fare better, while in Claude's case… Goodbyes just left a bad taste in his mouth. He didn't have the 'proper' etiquette like they did.
"Know that no matter where our paths lead, I will always consider you to be a friend, Claude."
Claude smirked. Thank goodness Byleth took initiative.
"Right back at you."
Byleth returned the smile, nodding just once before he turned to leave. His jacket billowed in the wind, fluttering in a way that Claude was given a view glimpses of the Sword of the Creator strapped to the professor's side.
The Riegan silently watched Byleth walk away. Claude never liked to dwell on the 'what ifs' of life, as in his opinion, that only led to dead ends. Nothing productive came from going down those alleys.
Yet, as he watched that green hair flitter in the wind, he couldn't help but wonder.
What if it was Claude he chose way back when?
What if Byleth chose the Deer instead of the Eagles?
Could there have been a reality where they walked the same path? Where their 'trajectories' had been similar?
There was a bitterness to this farewell. Claude had seen Byleth as a kindred spirit. A fellow outsider.
Now, Claude was the one getting left behind. Standing on the outside looking in. Stuck behind the other side of a glass window.
It was a little painful.
He felt a tinge of loneliness, along with a subtle, yet prominent note of jealousy.
"Hey!"
Again, Byleth stopped, turning back to the Deer with a raised brow.
There were hundreds of thousands of things Claude truly wanted to say to Byleth, but in the moment, none of them really felt right.
So, instead, Claude flashed his patented crooked smile.
"See you in another life, Teach."
Byleth's lips turned upwards.
"In another life, Claude."
Claude continued to grin as he watched Byleth turn and walk away.
It wasn't until the professor was well out of view that his expression finally faded.
Claude turned back to the view of the mountains looming over him. They seemed so much more imposing than they did before.
Dimitri grunted, thrusting his lance with all the strength he could muster.
The dulled tip smashed into the ribcage of the dummy before him, shattering on impact. Both training weapon and dummy were reduced to nothing but a pile of splinters. Neither were recognizable after his display of strength.
The prince growled, tossing the broken shaft aside. He paced over to the weapon rack, retrieving yet another lance. This was the fourth one he had gone through this afternoon. The practice dummies were beginning to dwindle. In a few more hours, there would be none left.
His body was tired and aching. His eyes heavy and burning. The drumming in his head was almost constant… It was excruciating. The pain made it impossible to sleep, and no amount of strain he put on his body seemed to lessen the aching or make it any easier to sleep at night- no matter how hard he tried.
This routine, this constant cycle of sweat, exertion, and destruction, was all that Dimitri had. It gave him something to focus on. It gave him something to achieve, even if the results of this 'training' hardly garnered any personal growth.
It gave him a distraction. One that others could not provide. The Lions, they all cared for him dearly… But this past month, Dimitri could barely make it through a conversation with them. The lack of sleep, the headaches, his frantic mind... He simply could not focus. This sorry state he found himself in caused him to make rash, and sometimes cruel decisions.
Just the other day, Dedue had pleaded with him to rest. To eat, to sleep, to take care of himself. Dedue was simply worried about his health, and how did he repay that kindness?
'Who do you think you are? I can take care of myself, Dedue!'
Dedue hadn't deserved that… None of the Lions deserved any kind tongue-lashing Dimitri might deliver onto them in his sleep deprived state.
Dimitri grimaced, looking down at his worn gloves. The cloth was ripped and tattered from the excessive amounts of use. Through the tears and gaps, he could see the calluses forming. He could see the slight stains of blood that colored his palms from where the coarse wood had cut his skin.
Being here, all alone, was the best course of action. In fact, it was better that way. In the end, he'd only end up hurting them, and they were not the ones Dimitri wanted to hurt.
They were better off not following him…
As he was now, he was hardly fit to lead, just as he was hardly fit to be king.
The prince swallowed the painful lump in his throat, turning his gaze up to the sky.
It had been sunny an hour or so ago.
But now, all Dimitri could see were the clouds. The threatening, gray clouds that seemed to hide the entirety of a blue sky from view.
There were no rays of golden sunshine casting down on him. No light touched his pale, sweat-covered face.
There was only this dreary, lifeless gray that seemed to fill the air.
"Prince Dimitri?"
Dimitri flinched, the lance nearly falling from his hands.
The sudden voice startled him. Who the voice belonged to startled him even more.
He lowered his head and was quickly met with vibrant shades of green. Dimitri did not understand how, but Byleth's hair and eyes almost seemed as if they were shining or glimmering.
"Professor?" Dimitri blinked, wondering for a moment if his eyes, or brain, were deceiving him. "You have returned?"
"Just this morning." Byleth nodded, his pupils inching towards the mess of splinters and wood shards behind him. "I see you haven't neglected your training in the short time I was away."
"Never," Dimitri bit back the scoff that so readily jumped to his throat. His hands tightened around his lance to the point it stung. "What are you doing here, Professor?"
"I was hoping we could talk for a moment."
Dimitri winced. Under normal circumstances, Dimitri would welcome a conversation with the Eagle professor.
However, given his state, he'd likely just say something he'd regret. He'd likely snap, or worse. Dimitri was too sleep deprived, in too much pain, too distracted. It'd be better if Byleth didn't waste his time.
"While it is good to see you again, Professor, I am in no mood for idle chit-chat. There is more work to be done."
"You mean breaking another lance?" Byleth rose an eyebrow. "Or crushing another dummy?"
This time, Dimitri did scoff, but did not reply otherwise.
Byleth sighed, quietly watching Dimitri return to his 'training.' It was quite aggravating having the teacher simply standing there silently, but the prince pushed the presence out of his mind. He had to continue.
"So be it," Byleth murmured. His voice was followed by the sound of footsteps, but Dimitri could barely make it out over the sound of wood smashing against wood.
He had assumed the professor had left, but after a few more seconds, Dimitri saw him in his peripheral vision. Byleth had walked over to the weapon rack, retrieving a wooden sword.
The Blue Lion stopped, lowering his spear.
"What are you doing?" Dimitri frowned.
"I will spar with you," Byleth answered simply. He hefted his weapon, testing its weight. He met Dimitri's eyes. "I win, you'll allow me five minutes. You win, I'll leave you be."
Noticing Dimitri's apparent hesitation, Byleth continued.
"Unless you'd rather continue smacking that mannequin around."
Dimitri glanced at the training dummy. He knew that after a few more whacks, it'd fall apart, too.
He did not understand the professor's persistence. A professor of another house would have left by now. A normal human being would have left by now. Why was he putting up an effort to start a conversation?
But, he was correct- an actual opponent would provide much, much more than some wooden figure could. Even more so when that opponent was as experienced as the professor. There were few here at Garreg Mach that could match Byleth one-on-one. Even bringing up the fact that Byleth was the son of the renowned Blade Breaker was a disservice to the skill and experience the teacher had accumulated all on his own. Dimitri had seen it first hand not once, but-
The prince grimaced, a hand massaging his temple. The headache was the same as it had been, but remembering that… emotionless face doubled the nauseousness he felt. Remembering hat impassive, cold, stone expression as Byleth slaughtered Miklan's bandits one by one was enough to send chills down Dimitri's spine. That sight was seared into his retinas….
Dimitri shook off the feeling and regained his composure.
Whatever game Byleth was playing, Dimitri would oblige. The pain behind his heavy eyes told him that he would be no good in any type of conversation, but this was an opportunity he could not turn down. To test his strength against Byleth's… It could be very valuable.
"…Very well. I agree to your terms."
The prince backed away, putting some distance between the two.
When he turned to face Byleth, the mercenary had already fallen into stance. His feet were set and planted firmly into the dirt, while the wooden sword was resting comfortably over the back of his shoulder.
However, Dimitri's gaze was immediately drawn to Byleth's face and its features.
Byleth's brows were slightly slanted towards each other, his eyes slightly narrowed as he evaluated Dimitri. But, other than that, Byleth showed no discernable expression. He was calm, composed. No signs of fear or anxiety. It was as if he had done this thousands of times before. Dimitri wondered if he had.
It was just like it was back at Conand Tower, and yet… It was different. There was something about his green eyes… and it wasn't just the change in color.
The prince decided deliberating over this was worthless. There was nothing to be gained from scrutinizing the subtle changes in Byleth's demeanor.
"Are you ready, Prince Dimitri?"
Dimitri fell into stance, gripping his lance firmly with both hands. He erased every hint of emotion from his expression, cleared his mind, and focused on his enemy.
For some reason, this display of Dimitri mentally preparing for a fierce battle seemed to catch Byleth's attention. The professor's brows rose momentarily as he watched Dimitri's eyes and the heavy bags they carried. For some reason, the muscles in his jaw tightened and clenched at the sight.
No matter. He didn't understand what it was that was so intriguing to him, but Dimitri decided he would capitalize on that brief lapse in attention.
Without another word spoken between the two, Dimitri lunged forward, striking with his spear.
Byleth flinched, eyes widening as he slapped the blunted tip away.
Going on the offensive, Byleth darted forward. He elected for a blindingly quick strike at Dimitri's exposed leg.
Dimitri batted it away with the end of his lance. Twirling the staff in his hands, he readjusted his grip so that its point was correctly angled towards his enemy. Dimitri was not nearly as dexterous or quick with his hands like Claude was, but in a fight, he could get by well enough.
Again, he lunged forward. This time, he aimed for the heart.
Byleth sidestepped the blow.
He attempted to retaliate by gripping the shaft off the lance as it passed by, but Dimitri was prepared for such a move.
Lashing out with the butt of his spear, Dimitri attempted a strike at Byleth's jaw.
The professor was quick to raise his arm to protect his face. The wooden spear smacked against his forearm. Byleth winced, but other than that, Dimitri earned no other reaction for his clean hit.
Byleth pushed the spear away, going back on the offensive. With his training sword, he attempted an overhead swing at Dimitri.
Dimitri stepped backwards, raising his own weapon to parry the blow.
The instant the two weapons connected, Byleth retracted his arm. He lifted his leg, kicking at Dimitri's midsection.
It was either quicker than he expected, or perhaps his reaction time was lessened by his foggy mind, as the boot connected easily. Dimitri grunted, stumbling backwards. There was a brief second of panic as he could not catch his breath, but the feeling quickly vanished when he felt his lungs fill with oxygen.
It'd leave a bruise, but it would take much more to deter the Lion prince.
Taking a deep breath to compose himself, Dimitri went on the attack.
A lunge here.
A swing there.
He attacked relentlessly and without pause, hoping to puncture Byleth's impressive defense.
Yet, no matter where he struck, no matter where he tried to sneak the tip of his spear, Byleth was always quicker. Physically, the mercenary was not as strong as Dimitri was, but his speed far outmatched Dimitri's. Byleth was far more slippery and far more precise of an opponent than he was accustomed to.
It was… it was infuriating! It was like trying to swat a fly, only to miss by a mile. Every attack, every tactic, every feint Dimitri tried was read like a book by the Eagle professor.
Slowly but surely, Dimitri could feel his rage bubbling to the surface. With every missed attempt, his mind grew cloudier and cloudier. That mixture of pain, fatigue, and anger was seeping into his decision making.
Dimitri's strikes lost their precision and planning. It all went out the window as pure instinct took root. Instead of a chess match to try and find an opening to exploit, the bout quickly turned into a battle of attrition.
If Dimitri could not find a hole in Byleth's defense, he would have to create one. If he could wear the professor down, eventually he had to slip.
Dimitri growled, shifting his hands and gripping his spear as he would a broom. With both hands gripping the butt of it, he swung with all of his might at Byleth's ribs. 'Proper' form and technique was all but disregarded, replaced by a burning desire to achieve victory at any cost.
Byleth clicked his tongue, moving his sword to block it. He made it with time to spare, but…
The strength behind Dimitri's blow dislodged the sword from Byleth's hand. It clattered to the dirt floor a few feet away, leaving the professor completely defenseless.
Seizing the opportunity, Dimitri pounced. No more games, no more displays of strength. All he needed now was one strike to seal the deal.
He lunged forward, the point angled towards Byleth's neck.
Just when Dimitri thought he had won, just when he thought that unquenchable thirst in the back of his throat would be sated, Byleth ducked.
He slid beneath the blow, dropping to his feet.
Dimitri's eyes widened as he saw Byleth's leg blur beneath his vision. He was trying to sweep the prince's legs out from beneath him. A sneaky tactic, but Dimitri was ready for it.
Dimitri jumped, clearing Byleth's leg easily. It passed by below, harmlessly. A swing and a miss from the professor…
Except, Dimitri hadn't anticipated just how frighteningly fast Byleth could be when he truly exerted himself. Using the momentum from that miss, Byleth had spun in a full circle, pushing himself back up.
By the time Dimitri's own feet touched the dirt again, Byleth was already back up on his.
Byleth lifted his right leg, attempting another kick.
Dimitri was able to ready his lance in time to intercept the blow, but his feet were hardly set, and his posture was shaky at best.
Dimitri stumbled to the left after absorbing the fierce blow. To make matters worse, Byleth's boot put a very clear crack in Dimitri's spear.
Before he had time to regain his footing, Byleth was already on him.
Dimitri's eyes widened as he saw the professor barreling towards him like a wild horse. He quickly raised his lance, but what he was protecting himself from, Dimitri was not sure.
Just what the hell was Byleth planning?! Was he truly brazen enough to engage Dimitri in hand-to-hand combat? He had no weapon, and even with a broken spear, Dimitri could-
The prince froze as he felt his heel land on Byleth's discarded sword.
It wasn't much, he probably on stepped on a small, small portion of the blade, but it was enough to alter Dimitri's balance. Not enough to make him tumble over outright, but enough to make him stumble.
It was more than enough for Byleth to bat aside Dimitri's lance with nothing but an arm.
Instead of throwing a punch or another kick like Dimitri anticipated, Byleth threw his entire body into his.
Dimitri grunted as Byleth slammed into his midsection, tackling him to the ground.
The prince let out a rather unmasculine yelp as his back slammed against the dirt. With the entirety of Byleth's weight on him, it was immensely difficult to move, or even draw breath.
But, even if he had wanted to, Byleth had pushed his arm onto Dimitri's throat so fast that he barely had time to register it. With his neck pinned to the ground, unable to move his limbs effectively, he could only watch as Byleth calmly retrieved his sword.
With suffocation being a possible outcome in this scenario, Dimitri closed his eyes, resigning himself to his fate. Swallowing his pride (or, at least, trying to), Dimitri tapped on Byleth's arm.
The professor nodded, releasing the pressure on his throat.
Dimitri coughed and sputtered for air, suddenly finding himself very dizzy and lightheaded. Had Byleth not hoisted him to his feet, it was fairly likely Dimitri would have fallen right back into the dirt.
"That was a good bout, Prince Dimitri."
How calm and unfazed Byleth sounded stung Dimitri's pride, but he could find some solace in the fact that the mercenary's chest was rising and falling rather rapidly.
"You almost had me there." Byleth offered Dimitri a smile, but he wanted nothing of it.
A loss was a loss. Dimitri could not tolerate defeat. He couldn't lose. He wasn't allowed to lose. He had to keep fighting and grow even stronger. He had to keep fighting. If he stopped fighting, what was he good for? That was Dimitri's worth. Nothing else about him mattered. He would readily cast his mind into the darkness, throw his soul into the abyss, but as long as he was strong, it did not matter.
But, if Dimitri could not even best one, single mercenary just once, then he had no worth. If he did not possess the strength to beat just one man, then he could avenge no one. He could protect no one.
He was without worth; to the Lions, to his family, to everyone.
That is why Dimitri could not tolerate defeat, and neither could they. It had been four years now, but Dimitri could still remember that day as if it was yesterday. He could still see the flames. He could still hear their screams. He could still smell the aroma of burning wood and flesh. Not a day went by where he did not picture it. Not a night passed where he did not dream of it.
His friends, his family, they had been maimed, crushed, defiled, eviscerated… If Dimitri could not avenge just one of them, then it would have been better for him to have died that night.
Some days, he wished he had-
"Dimitri!"
The prince blinked, his vision refocusing on the concerned Byleth before him.
"M-my apologies, Professor Byleth." Dimitri shook his head, forcing those thoughts from his mind. He tried to flash Byleth a reassuring smile, but he feared it was far too stilted. "That was a fine match, albeit one sided. It is clear your skill with a blade has hardly diminished since you were away."
Byleth only frowned, appearing entirely unconvinced by Dimitri's quick deflection.
The Eagle professor glanced around the empty training grounds before motioning towards the nearby bench. Seeing as Byleth did win, Dimitri agreed to hear him out. The two sat down to rest their feet, spacing themselves a foot or two apart.
"Forget the match." Byleth's frown deepened as he examined Dimitri with that furrowed brow of his. "Is everything alright, Dimitri?"
Dimitri tried to fight the scowl that surfaced. He was tired of that question. Why could no one at this blasted academy mind their own business? Not everything pertained to them. What business was it of there's to go asking Dimitri that same damned question every waking minute of the-
He sighed, squeezing his weary eyes shut. Dimitri bit his tongue to keep another harsh rebuttal at bay.
They are my friends… Friends that care about a 'boar' such as myself. They are only worried.
They are only worried…
"I am only tired, Professor."
"It looks like you haven't slept in days."
Dimitri glanced at Byleth.
"Those bags under your eyes aren't doing you any favors in hiding it."
Ah, yes. Dimitri supposed not.
"I have had some difficulty sleeping."
Dimitri did not want to go extrapolate any more than was necessary. It was hard for him to.
"Nightmares?"
This time, Dimitri's brows raised. Realizing the face he was making, he quickly lowered his head and averted his gaze.
"That and headaches… among other things."
"Ah."
Byleth hummed softly, nodding to himself.
"It seems none of us are immune to the night's terrors."
That caught Dimitri's attention. Ever so slightly, the prince lifted his head. He looked up at Byleth from beneath his blonde bangs.
Byleth's gaze had moved up to the clouded sky, oblivious to Dimitri's watching eyes.
"You as well, Professor?"
"Of course." Byleth's expression darkened. "It has gotten to the point where I dread the sun's fall. The thought of returning to a cold, empty room… I despise that prison."
Dimitri was almost certain his exhausted mind was playing tricks on him. For a moment, it almost felt as though he could see the pain in Byleth's eyes. The fear, the isolation. It was far too reminiscent.
Byleth was always so unflappable. The abyss that hid behind his empty eyes unfathomable. Dimitri never thought anything could get to Byleth, and certainly not nightmares or being alone in the night. Such fears almost seemed… too human for someone of his pedigree and reputation.
"What is it you dream of?"
Byleth's eyes shot to his. Immediately, Dimitri realized his error in judgement.
"F-forgive me, I did not intend to pry into your past," he began to apologize profusely. "You need not answer such a heinous-"
"A decrepit throne in a desolate room. The air is cold and unforgiving, stale and damp. The light is dim and artificial. Every time I stare upon it, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up on end."
Dimitri wordlessly shut his mouth.
"Or a muddy plain, home only to death. It is always dark, but I can still see the blood so clearly. It is always raining, but I can still hear the sounds of war."
Byleth closed his eyes, leaning his head against the stone pillar behind him.
"On some nights, I dreamt of flames."
Dimitri's heart nearly skipped a beat.
"A besieged city, burning down to its foundations. I can hear its citizens screaming and crying. I can see them running… I can see them dying. No matter how hard I try, I cannot save any of them. I cannot change anything…"
Cannot save them…
Cannot change anything…
Those words echoed endlessly within the chasm that was Dimitri's mind.
"Among them, those three were the most frequent."
The professor paused, stealing a look in Dimitri's direction. He evaluated the young man for a few seconds before continuing.
"And then… the morning comes. A new day dawns, as it always does. I am met with the beaming faces of my students and the world is right again."
Byleth smiled. A grand, ear-to-ear smile. Eyes that Dimitri had always attributed as cold, uncaring, or sharp, grew soft and fuzzy as thoughts shifted to the Eagles.
For a moment, Dimitri simply studied the expression. It was not a look he saw often from Byleth, but that was not the object of his consideration.
As he stared at that wide, fond grin, Dimitri wondered if he could ever make such an honest expression. Could he ever be capable of smiling like that and truly meaning it? Heavens, he could hardly remember the last time he had ever felt like that.
Something told him that if he ever could exhibit such a grin, it would look nothing like Byleth's.
No, nothing like his.
He feared it would be far too twisted. Far too tainted.
"Though it may feel like it, we are never truly alone," Byleth continued, oblivious to Dimitri's inner turmoil. "There will always be someone there willing to lend a hand."
Those were pretty words Byleth had offered, but Dimitri was not so sure. A person's kindness, empathy, and sympathy had limits. There was always a line; a line that, once crossed, there was no coming back from.
Take Felix, for example. Ever since they suppressed that rebellion two years ago, Felix's entire perception of him changed. Instead of 'Dimitri,' the childhood friend he once was, he was the 'boar prince…'
Not that Dimitri could fault him for feeling such a way, nor could he deny his own actions that day.
A day would come when the Lions saw that side of him that Felix had. A day when they too would see an expression with all of the world's evil packed into it.
And, when they did… They would leave him, too.
"There are somethings in this world that cannot be forgiven," Dimitri whispered, clenching his fists.
Dimitri would not ask for forgiveness, nor go searching for it, as he did not believe he deserved such a thing. This path he chose for himself… It was not inviting nor hospitable to others. It would take him down paths that no one in their right minds would follow. To acquire what he truly wanted, what he truly needed, there would be many sacrifices.
Turning his head to the sky, Dimitri watched the clouds roll by. They were still so grey and devoid of life. Such dreary weather made the air so thick and hard to breathe.
"You would be surprised."
Dimitri looked into Byleth's waiting eyes. Soft and… welcoming, as they were before.
Dimitri held Byleth's gaze for what felt like an eternity. The way in which he spoke was so full of conviction, he nearly felt himself be swayed by Byleth's words.
Dimitri understood the point Byleth was trying to make, but he truly did not know if he could trust those blind words. If the others knew what Felix knew, Dimitri had his doubts, but…
"I hope you are right; thank you, Professor." Dimitri nodded. He was starting to feel a bit better; the pain in his head had lessened but fearing that they had already spent entirely too long on this subject, he was quick to change subjects. "Anyway, what is it you wished to speak with me about?"
Byleth's smile fizzled out, his green eyes immediately shifting to the dirt floor beneath them.
"Ah, right. I had nearly forgotten."
Dimitri was puzzled by the sudden lack of emotion in his voice. It reminded him of those early days, when the professor had just started here at the academy. It was puzzling, but Dimitri thought it better not to ask another question that might derail the conversation.
"I assume you have heard news of the ceremony planned?"
"Of course." Dimitri nodded.
There were few ears in Garreg Mach that had not heard news of the revelation Byleth was to receive within the confines of the holy tomb. After the announcement, it had become the hottest topic on campus, so to speak. Dimitri cared not for the toils of gossip, but not even he was unaffected.
"Then, you must know that my time as a professor here is coming to an end."
The prince frowned. Again, he nodded.
Dimitri had his suspicions. There wasn't exactly a precedent for such things, but he had imagined that Byleth's role within the church's hierarchy would raise considerably. The only other individual to receive such a blessing was, to his knowledge, Saint Seiros. In such esteemed company, Dimitri had his doubts that Byleth would be able to go on teaching as if nothing had happened.
"I had my suspicions," finally, he answered.
Byleth smiled again, however this time it was neither friendly nor inviting. It was the kind of crooked smile someone shows when giving bad news.
"It is still a ways out, but I would be remiss if I missed the opportunity to give you a proper farewell, Prince Dimitri."
"That is why you have come?"
"It is."
Dimitri grew quiet, feeling his mood dampen once again. It was foolish to feel that way- all things come to an end, after all.
He would be lying if he said he did not find some small comfort in this routine he found himself in. It had been reassuring, for a time, knowing that the tomorrows would be the same as his todays. There had even been some days where Dimitri had been able to trick himself into truly believing in it. Perhaps, there may have even been a few seconds out of the year where Dimitri had felt like a student rather than… whatever the hell he was.
But, all things come to an end. The year was winding down, and Dimitri knew those carefree days would disappear with it. They had started to dwindle as it was. After Remire Village… those carefree days came few and far between.
And now, the year was reaching its end.
Claude would move on.
Byleth would move on.
And so would she. Hell, she had left him behind long, long ago. That dagger she carried on her seemed to be the only reminder of a past they once shared.
They would all move on to do great things, and these days they shared here together as students would be just that: a reminder of a past they once shared. There was something deeply saddening about that thought.
Dimitri turned his gaze to the sky. It was still overcast. The clouds kept moving, passing him by. Leaving him behind.
For a moment, he wondered if there was any possibility that they might have the chance to share the future as well, but he did not linger on that thought for long.
"I know we stood beneath differing banners, but…"
Dimitri rose to his feet, facing Byleth.
Byleth followed suit.
"It has been an honor, Professor."
Dimitri offered his hand.
Byleth stared at it, offering a small smile, before he grasped it.
"The honor is mine," he replied, shaking Dimitri's hand. "It has been a privilege to know you as a friend, Dimitri."
Dimitri returned the smile.
"Likewise."
Perhaps it was due to how cold and lifeless his own hands were due to the hours of training, but Dimitri was surprised by how warm Byleth's was.
Edelgard leaned against the railing, her hair fluttering in the gentle breeze that kissed her skin. She tucked a strand of it behind her ear, savoring the sensation.
The emperor was quiet as her purple eyes traversed the cathedral's entirety. From the base to the towers, her pupils followed every curve and turn of the structure. Despite the trepidation she felt at stepping inside its walls, the fact remained that it truly was a beautiful piece of architecture.
The clouds were beginning to part and fade. The light from the setting sun reflected off the cathedral's stained glass, seemingly illuminating all the vibrant colors packed into the windows' portraits. Purples, reds, greens… they were lit up like stars. If time could stop, she wouldn't mind spending a few more hours in this twilight, simply staring at the beautiful colors.
The rhythmic thump, thump, thump of someone climbing the stairs, however, signaled that this moment of quiet reflection was coming to an end.
Straightening herself up, she stepped away from the railing and turned to face the stairwell.
A few seconds later, familiar tufts of green hair poked up over the edge.
When she met his equally green eyes, she smiled.
"Good evening, Byleth."
The name rolled so easily off her tongue. There had been a time where Edelgard felt hesitant to refer to her teacher as anything other than 'professor,' but that had been a long time ago. Nowadays, the name 'Byleth' was almost reflexive. There had been a few occasions where she had to actively stop herself from using his first name in the presence of the other Eagles… She had grown too accustomed to it.
It made her chest feel… light whenever she had the opportunity to use it.
"Good evening, El." Byleth returned the smile.
Hearing her own name did not elicit any differing response, either. At the loving nickname, her smile grew a little more genuine- as it always did.
Byleth walked to where she was standing, but there was something immediately obvious about his gait. Something in those deep, green orbs that betrayed the easy smile.
Byleth perched himself beside her at the railing, allowing his arms to rest against the stone surface. He took a deep breath, his chest rising with the movement. As he exhaled, his eyes seemed to be lost in the campus below, taking it all in.
Something was weighing on him, she deduced.
"Were you able to finish what you needed to?" Edelgard asked, electing to go with a more subtle approach. They were his affairs; it would be wrong of her to pry.
"…For the most part," Byleth mumbled.
He placed his hand on the railing, palm facing upwards. A silent invitation.
Edelgard accepted, letting hers rest atop of his. On reflex, his fingers closed around hers.
He was silent for a moment, his eyes lingering on her hand.
"Is something bothering you, my Byleth?" Edelgard whispered, trying to make her voice as gentle as she could.
At that, Byleth's eyes immediately darted to her. He held her gaze for a moment until his features softened.
"I fear I may have done something stupid today."
Edelgard raised an eyebrow. That was a very un-Byleth manner of speaking.
"I met with Dimitri and Claude."
Edelgard blinked a few times, her confusion growing. That equates to stupidity?
"Why would that be 'stupid?'"
Byleth sighed, turning away. It was somewhat reminiscent of a guilt-stricken puppy caught in the act. Under different circumstances, Edelgard might have found the reaction cute, but not this one. Byleth did seem genuinely distraught.
"Because I bid them farewell."
"…I see."
The thought that perhaps he had let something slip did not even cross her mind, as she immediately knew the point Byleth was leading up to. Such things were something she had struggled with greatly in the past, and part of why she never went out of her way to make very many friends outside of the Eagles.
It was hard to look a 'friend' in the eyes, knowing full well that one day you would be enemies.
This was not something that she could judge her professor for. She did not believe such acts to be stupid.
"That is not stupidity, my Byleth… They were your friends," Edelgard whispered, gently squeezing his hand. "Of course you would want to see them once more."
"It was selfish. My actions will only cause them pain," Byleth murmured. "But I did not want my final memories of Claude and Dimitri to be my father's death. I… I didn't want that to be the way things ended between us."
Byleth shook his head, sighing once more.
"It was selfish."
Edelgard silently mulled over Byleth's words, her thumb tracing circles on the back of his hand.
"Perhaps that is true, or…"
Trailing off, Edelgard immediately remembered Byleth's request the other day. It was something she had been deliberating over for a while now, but at this moment, she truly felt the burden of Byleth's words back at the castle.
"Perhaps your silence would have caused them even more pain," Edelgard finished, her mind drifting off towards the faces of her beloved Eagles.
Byleth lifted his head, his eyes returning to hers. This time, it was his turn to softly caress her hand. No words needed to be spoken for him to realize the dots that had connected within her mind.
"Perhaps it might," he murmured.
They stood like that for a little while, side-by-side, closely holding onto one another. Without either noticing, the distance between them had lessened, to the point where their shoulders were touching. Byleth had rested his head against hers, and Edelgard rested hers against his.
Never did she want to see her Byleth hurting. In some strange way, his pain had become her pain. Seeing that forlorn look in his eyes, that anguish in his expression, it cut her deeply.
If she could, she would bear it all herself.
If she could, she would find a way to…
"Speaking of…" he prefaced with a squeeze of her hand.
Edelgard glanced up at him. He was already staring down at her.
"Yes?"
"Did I ever tell you why it was I chose the Eagles back then?"
Edelgard paused. She had not expected such a question, but…
Now that she thought about it… There had been some conversations that broached the topic, but he had yet to give his exact reason for choosing the Eagles.
And, in turn, choosing her.
In those early months, it was a question she had been very curious to hear the answer to, but… As of late, she did not dwell on it as much.
"I remember you saying that stepping in front of the axe that night was the first choice you had ever made for yourself… And that choosing the Eagle house was your second," Edelgard replied. "But, no, I do not believe you have given an exact reason."
"Right… Right." Byleth nodded. "My reasoning was far more selfish, I'm afraid. I solely chose the Eagles because you were their house leader. I knew my answer right away."
Hearing such a response did not upset her, not in the least, but she found it… curious. Granted, much of Byleth in those early days was shrouded in mystery, but she still remembered them clearly.
From her point of view, it appeared that Byleth had done his due diligence on that first day there. He had spent that entire morning and afternoon exploring the campus and classes, speaking to each student of each house. She remembered very clearly that feeling of anxiousness as she awaited a response, as well as that feeling of accomplishment and superiority when it was decided that Byleth would teach the Eagles. Remembering the way she reacted made her feel considerably guilty, but at that time, she had only known Byleth and Jeralt from the stories told about them. In her mind, it was quite possibly a great victory for an Eisner to be her teacher.
He had known right away, though?
"Like I said before, those choices felt like the first ones I ever truly made. They were the first times I ever felt such an urge. The first times I ever felt such desire to do something. I had decided from the beginning I would choose you and the Eagles, if only to chase that fleeting feeling. It was something I didn't want to lose."
Byleth's smile returned.
"And soon after, I fell in love with the rest of the Eagles. I can't imagine my life without them, or without you."
"Neither can I," Edelgard whispered, squeezing his in return. While she could easily imagine such a fate, it was not one she liked to dwell on.
"Going around today, speaking with Claude, Dimitri…" Byleth hesitated, casting a glance at the sky. The stars were beginning to become visible. "It hurt. But after speaking with Rhea, it only reaffirmed what I always knew."
"That being?"
Byleth's gaze fell, landing squarely on her. The last rays of sunlight reflected off the green of his eyes, illuminating them like the stained glass.
"You have always inspired hope, El. In ways that no one else could."
Edelgard froze, her hand going limp in his hold. Such things… They were not often said of her. Whenever Byleth made such declarations, they always took her by surprise. They were words he had reiterated to her time and time again, but each time she heard them… well, she had yet to awaken from this dream.
"You have helped me in ways you couldn't imagine. Whenever my heart graces me with a beat, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, it is because of your presence in my life."
Byleth's free hand reached for his chest. For a moment, she thought he was simply grasping at his heart, but he appeared to be fiddling with something beneath the cloth.
"When I'm at your side…"
Byleth grew quiet, his eyes lost in thought. Despite that, they had yet to move away from hers. They felt so piercing…
His other hand shifted in their grip. Edelgard felt Byleth's index finger and thumb lightly grip her ring finger, but she did not think anything of it.
"Even something as preposterous as flying alongside the birds does not seem that impossible." Byleth smirked, his hand dropping from his chest. "I want to help you create a world where everyone can feel that way."
"Byleth…"
Edelgard smiled, cupping his cheek. She kept her hand there, her thumb gently pushing away the stray strands of hair, all the while never breaking eye contact.
"Sometimes I fear you speak too highly of me," she breathed, her vision growing blurry. "I do not deserve it."
And then, Byleth did what she least expected.
"Why?"
Why?
"I-I…"
He asked, so genuinely. So innocently, as if he didn't understand the question.
As if such a thought had never even occurred to him.
As if, never once, he had ever seen her in the light that she sees herself.
As if Byleth never once considered her to be the monster she saw herself as.
Why did she continue to doubt that fact? Edelgard always had immense difficulty seeing the good within herself, but for Byleth, it had never been any trouble at all. He had always had the ability to see right through her, loving her despite the hesitations she carried regarding herself.
The Eagles were no different… It had only ever been Edelgard that could not see what they saw. They all had been able to see her for who she truly was behind the countless masks, loving her all the same.
Why did she continue to doubt that…
Edelgard closed her eyes, a tear rolling down her cheek. She did not know why she was crying, but she was. They had sprung to her eyes quicker than she could have prepared for.
"Edelgard?"
She could hear the concern in his voice.
Edelgard opened her eyes, Byleth filling her vision. His face was the only thing she could see through the remnants of her tears.
"Forgive me," she replied, voice cracking. "It was wrong of me to say that."
That did nothing to alleviate Byleth's confusion or concern. His brow was still furrowed, worry lines still etched into his face, but he did not push the issue.
Nor did he fight it when Edelgard pulled him in for an impromptu embrace.
"Thank you, my Byleth," Edelgard whispered into his ear. "Your words mean more to me than you'll ever know."
She held him a little tighter, burying her face into his shoulder.
"And I promise you, here and now; together, we will create the future we have envisioned. A world where every man, woman, and child can go to sleep at night, dreaming of what awaits them in the blue skies above. Where everyone can feel the way that we feel."
Byleth's familiar scent filled her senses, his familiar heat enveloping her body. She allowed herself to get lost in that feeling, grasping so desperately to his back. Never did she want to let it go.
"Where no one is born shackled to the toils of some predetermined 'fate' or 'destiny,'" Byleth agreed with a whisper. "A world filled with endless possibilities of their own making. A world where we can find and create our own happiness."
Reluctantly, she pulled herself away.
But, only so that she may get a better view of the man standing over her, staring down at her.
"A world filled with hope."
The twilight sun, done for the day, dipped below the horizon. Though it was gone, it's presence was still felt. The sky above, instead of the blue Edelgard had grown accustomed to, was dyed a mix of oranges and purples.
The green of his eyes clashed so heavily with the painted sky.
"Together, we can create such a world, my love."
Byleth smiled, running his hand through her hair and tucking it behind her ear. There it stayed, cradling the side of her head. In her heart, she hoped that it'd never leave her.
"Together."
That's that for now! Thanks for being patient with me everyone, since I last updated back in September, I haven't had the greatest of times. Lots of work, stress, etc. Didn't have a lot of time to write like I wanted, but finally, I was able to post this sucker. While I'm on the subject, in the future should the wait be this long, do not fret! I have zero, and I mean ZEEEERO plans to ever go on hiatus. The waits may be long sometimes, but I'm very determined to see this to the end. Especially after coming this far.
Anyways!
Hope you enjoyed it! This chapter was pretty hard, but it was one I've been looking forward to doing ever since Chapter 21 when I decided I wanted Edelgard to inform Byleth of her plot before the events of the holy tomb. With Byleth knowing full well where he sides, I thought it'd be really cool for there to be a chapter near the end of White Clouds where there's this kind of "road not taken" moment, touching on what could have been. One of the possibilities that opened up with a change in the narrative.
Welp, that's all from me this time! Hope everyone is doing well, and stay safe out there! Stay healthy!
