A/N: REVIEW FOR IT FEEDS THE ENGINE OF CREATION!

Ahem. Sorry about that. But in other news...

HOLY CRAP SO MANY REVIEWS~!

OVER ONE HUNDRED FOR THE FIRST CHAPTER ALONE! 0_0

I didn't anticipate this much support, ya know! And okay, okay, someone pointed out the Masters of Red, but seeing as they got next to NO screen-time, one should let that slide. Furthermore, a few of Naruto's fans have asked if this is going to be a stomp fic. IT IS NOT.

A LOT of the Apocrypha servants could give him one hell of a fight if it comes to it. More than you might think, given the unique circumstances surrounding their summoning.

Karna, for one. Frankly, I'm amazed Sieg beat him. A pissed-off Atalanta with Madness Enhancement would make him work for it too. Semiramis's poison is deadly. Of course, there are others as well Need I say more? Also, I have questions for the lot of you, dear readers!

Does Caules not deserve Frankenstein?

Does Shirou not deserve Semiramis?

Does Sieg not deserve Jeanne?

I don't want to just swoop in and take their girls without a damn good reason, ya know? I can easily find some leeway in regards to Fran, but the other two...that'd be tricky. If any of you can give me a reason, that's fine. I'm not opposed to it. However, I don't want to do add to the harem for the sake of adding to the harem, if that makes any sense. Naruto's going to be establishing genuine bonds with people/Servants here, not meaningless flings that he'll never give a second thought to. In Atalanta's case that means a LOT of bonding time. She swore a vow of chastity after all, and its going to take a LOT of effort on Naruto's part to make her even consider breaking it. But with the above questions asked, I humbly await your answers and reviews!

And no, I'm not at all opposed to gender-bending Astolfo.

As the title suggests, there's a lot of chaos to be had!

Now, with that aside, I proudly present...

...A Most Unlikely Berserker!

Minor time skip here!

From evening...

...to morn~!

Mordred and Atalanta gets their chance to shine in this chapter and shine they does~!

I also feel I should point out that Naruto's hair is slightly longer in this form-think Menma's length-due to him being summoned as a Berserker.

I'm sure you're all wondering just what kind of Bersrker he is at that~!

"That's no servant she's summoned. That thing is a monster."

"Ho? You sound as if you know him personally."

"I know his legend well enough."

"Can you kill him?"

...not alone."

~?

Butting Heads

Atalanta felt her ears twitch.

From her perch in the trees, she sensed Berserker's approach long before she saw him; heard him crashing through the undergrowth toward her position. One had but to listen. It had to be Berserker, or Saber at the very least. No other class exuded that kind of raw power. No one else could light up the night merely by being summoned to this plane of existence. With her superior senses she didn't need to search for them. She intrinsically knew that they, whomever they were, would come for her. She wasn't making any effort to hide after all. Part of her was silently grateful. She could've easily been summoned as Berserker herself thanks to her Phantasm Agrius Metamorphosis: Boar of Divine Punishment, yet she'd lucked out and manifested as Archer instead.

Perhaps it was just her own wayward curiosity, but she wanted to see who had been inflicted with such a cruel fate.

Trifas certainly didn't lack for vantage points in that regard.

The trees provided perfect cover, allowing her to see-

A bolt of gold shot past, shattering her reverie.

"Found you~!" a triumphant voice cried from just behind her flank. "I thought I sensed someone lurking about out here."

Years of honed instinct had her knocking an arrow in the voice's direction-one couldn't be sure if this was a Servant of Black after all-but in the end, she needn't have bothered. A young man with wild blue eyes and a mop of messy golden hair lay crouched on the branch beside her; a red cloak thrown over his orange-and-black vestments. A scroll of massive proportions hung over his shoulders. As she looked on in quiet disbelief, he struck up a pose, rolled his head in a full circle, and thrust one hand forward. Had she been familiar with the hijinks of a certain perverted sage, she would've recognized the absurd stance and skewered him full of arrows.

Thankfully, she did not.

"Berserker of Red, Uzumaki Naruto, at your service!" the young man declared boisterously, grinning at her. "Judging by your bow, I'm guessing you're Archer? No, you're definitely Archer, right?"

What was this strange eagerness of his?!

It was like talking to a puppy!

Straightening from her crouch, Archer frowned.

"You would abandon your Master so easily, Berserker?"

"Rest assured, my adorable little magus is sound asleep, so I decided to step out and investigate." his smile didn't lessen in the slightest, if anything it seemed to burn even brighter at her pointed remark. "Trust me, she's perfectly safe. So! Now that I've shown you mine, how about you show me yours, eh?"

It wasn't as if the oaf was being terribly subtle about it.

In the end, she replied.

...Archer of Red, Atalanta."

"Nice to meet you!" Naruto beamed.

She didn't expect him to leap over to her.

Much less to extend a hand to her in friendship.

"Why take me at my word so easily?" warily, she eyed the offered limb. "I could be lying."

"Its not like me to be so suspicious of people." pearly white teeth flashed in a roguish grin, exposing sharpened canine teeth. "There's really only one person I'm suspicious of, and you're nothing like him. So if you claim to be Archer of Red, then you must be Archer of Red. And if by some chance you're actually lying to me, I'll kill ya. Problem solved." For a fleeting moment, the peerless huntress saw a beast stir in those blue eyes. Or were they red? She blinked and like an errant shadow fleeing before the dawn, that brief glimmer of darkness vanished. Despite that faint glimpse of madness she'd experienced, Atalanta felt no fear.

There could be little room for confusion in such a way of being.

Indeed, part of her respected his line of thinking.

'What a simple way to live.'

"What's your wish?"

Again, that sudden line of questioning!

"My wish?" the huntress turned her head to regard the unlikely Berserker. "Don't you have one of your own?"

"Nope! Not at all~!" the blond grinned. "I'm just happy to have a second chance at life after losing mine. You could even say that simply behind here is my wish. And yours?"

This time, the follower of Artemis didn't hesitate.

"I wish for the salvation of all children." Seeing his baffled expression, she sighed and banished her bow, forsaking combat in her haste to explain her dream. "That is to say, for them to be loved. That they might never know the pans of loneliness. For them to never to hungry. To be loved and cherished. If the Grail can gran this, then I would have no regrets."

Naruto actually blinked at that.

"Save them all, huh?"

"Yes!" the intensity of her response and expression nearly floored him. "What's wrong with that?!"

Sighing, the Berserker scratched at his metal headband with finger.

"I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, but...hmm."

A sad smile adorned those whiskered cheeks.

"It'll be difficult, ya know?"

"Even so, I must!"

"Hmm...

There hadn't been so much as a glimmer of hesitation in her response; indeed, how could there be? For her to state something so unreasonable might sound childish to most, but for one such as Atalanta, there could be no greater calling. If the Grail had the power to grant such a wish, then how could it not? It was a pure wish, distorted perhaps, but pure in its intentions nevertheless. She had no desire for fame, wealth, power, or even a second chance at life like him. Her sole desire was to save others. Even if it meant being mocked. Ridiculed. Disdained. Abhorred. They weren't so different, she and him.

For a boy who'd experienced the hell that was loneliness, he knew better than most.

You couldn't save everyone even if they were children; one was always suffering, somewhere in this world.

Yet here Atalanta was, trying to overturn that very reality with her own hands. Did that make her an idealist? Or a fool?

Was such a wish possible? He supposed it might well be. From what he knew of the Holy Grail, it could indeed grant such a wish. Perhaps this was something to fight for. A better goal, a destination, rather than living for the sake of living, or fighting for entertainment. Even if it wasn't something that could be achieved by one or two people, surely an all-powerful wish granting device could.

Regardless, her words lit a fire in him.

"Atalanta!"

Archer nearly fell off the bough and tumbled to the forest below, such was the vehemence with which Berserker had spoken. Before she could snap at him in recompense for his temerity, the blond clamped both hands on her shoulders and drew her into a firm embrace. Squirming in discomforted embarrassment, the huntress could only flail mutely, to no avail. His grip was iron, and she hadn't the strength to break free, let alone escape a firm hold like his. Still! What manner of madness was this?! Why was he shouting and hugging her out of the blue? Had he lost his mind?!

"Hmm...I think I like you."

Pulling away, Naruto gave her a gentle shake and laughed.

Yosh! I've decided! That dream of yours! I'm going to help you achieve it!"

Atalanta sputtered in surprise.

"W-What?! What nonsense is this?! Just who are you to say such a thing?!"

"Who, me?" the doppelganger grinned. "I'm just a clone."

Verdant green eyes narrowed.

"A...clone?"

"Oops! Shouldn't have said that! Bye-bye~!"

With a grin, "Berserker" went up in a plume of smoke.

Leaving poor Atalanta to ponder what on earth just happened.


(...Early the Next Morning...)


"...alright, I give up. What the hell are ya taking me to church for, Master?"

It was the first thing he'd said to her all afternoon.

Jean staunchly ignored the voice in her head and kept walking; resuming her brisk pace toward the building in question. Even in astral form, he continued to rile her. Not with words, but silence. She refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing her eye twitch. The bastard was just trying to get a rise out of her after last night. Yes, that was it. He wouldn't succeed. Jean Rum could be called many things as a magus; she was a killer, a bibliomaniac, and secretly a hopeless romantic at heart, but she had her pride. In the war to come, the latter seemed a small, petty thing indeed. Yet Berserker had wounded it all the same. Perhaps it was petty of her to withhold the reason for their presence here but after their little spat, she was feeling a tad bit cross with her Servant.

Well excuse me, princess!

Where did he get off calling her that?! How dare he!

"You'll just have to wait and see, Berserker."

"You're not still mad are you?"

She turned up her nose.

"Is that a yes?"

"..."

"Oh, for the love of...what did I do wrong?"

A swirl of wild golden dust swam around Jean's shoulders and rapidly assumed the shape of her Servant even as he finished speaking. Naruto's manifestation proved so abrupt that she wasn't able to stop in time; when he abruptly barred her path she tripped over her own two feet and slammed headlong in his chest. A dark-sleeved arm shot out and steadied her by the waist, cradling her closer. Far closer than necessary. Aha! There it was. That smile again. An infuriating gleam of white that brooked no trespass and she found her resolve faltering at the sight of it.

"Will you stop?!"

Batting his hand aside, Jean wriggled out of his grasp and stormed past him.

"Alright, princess, mind telling me what I did to upset you?"

"Stop calling me princess!"

"Eh? But it kinda suits you, ya know?" the young man drawled, trailing after her. "Besides, I'm boooooooored~! When're we gonna see some action?!"

"If you're that restless, use your Noble Phantasm and scout out the city." she retorted waspishly, pausing to face her churlish Servant fully. "I don't need you for this." In truth, she didn't. She only needed to register the two of them as participants in the ward and potentially cooperate with the other Masters of the Red Faction. Naruto's presence wasn't needed. He was better suited to combat in that regard. Spirits, she hoped he'd finally give in and listen to her...!

Instead he grinned and trotted after her with an impish laugh.

"How do you know I'm not using it now-oomph!"

He grunted as her elbow slammed his gut.

"Because you're still solid."

Laughter greeted her.

"Jeez! I felt that!"

One of his supposed Noble Phantasms involved the use of duplication, or so he claimed. A technique like that could be used to devastating effect if utilized properly. Assuming she could ever get him to do so without use of a Command Spell. Why did she feel as though he was the Master and she, the Servant? Ugh, she wasn't getting anywhere like this. Indeed, it felt as though she were the one losing ground here. Perhaps she ought to give him an order; tell him to shut his mouth for the duration of the war-no. If things continued at this rate, she risked damaging her relationship with Berserker. To use them on frivolous things would be the height of fallacy.

If he turned on her and she didn't have anything to hold him back...

...the thought sent a small shudder through her.

Perhaps reconciliation was best after all.

"Perhaps that was childish of me." she sighed, shaking her head. "You're forgiven. Just be on your best behavior in there. The last thing we want to do is make foes of the Church. I have enough enemies already. No tricks from you. No pranks. Nothing. Understand?"

Naruto blinked.

"Why the long face?" he beamed." I'm always on my best behavior, Master."

Cheeky little...!

"You are aware that I still have THREE Command spells I can use." she held up her marked hand for emphasis. "Don't push your luck."

Before her eyes, the whiskered warrior's face lost all color.

"Eh?" he took half a step back. "Master? Master-san? Jean? Wait, you wouldn't really use those on me, would you? For such a petty reason?"

A muscle jumped in Jean's jaw.

"Berserker, by the power of my Command Seal, I hereby order you to-

"Fine, fine!" her Servant flung up his arms in exasperation as they cleared the path to the church. "Kill all the fun. Put the fun in camps why don't you?! I won't do anything! Jeez...

Why did she feel like she'd just kicked an innocent puppy?

...although I make no promises for later events!"

Nevermind!

She wanted to strangle him!

With a groan, the magus pinched the brow of her nose in a vain attempt to stave off an impending migraine. In the same vein she understood Naruto wasn't acting this way towards her out of spite; if anything her Servant was simply being lively. He didn't seem to understand why she was so angry with him in the first place, let alone hauling him off to Church first thing in the morning. It wasn't even the inquiries that had annoyed her in the first place rather, her lot in life. Such misfortune! She still couldn't believe she'd summoned such an unlikely Berserker as her ally in this War. A different one mind you-with his sanity apparently well in hand and several Noble Phantasms besides-but a Berserker still. One with seemingly no end of prana and a mouth to match.

After witnessing the sheer, overwhelming presence accompanying his summoning, well...

...she didn't want to see what set off his Madness Enhancement.

And now she was bringing him into an enclosed space.

Oh, this could only end poorly...

"Oi, Master."

"Hmm?"

"WHAT?!"

A finger thrust past her towards the church.

"We've got company, ya know."

Jean followed his gaze.

And froze.

Now, she was a monster specialized in combat, someone who removed the opposition without mercy. Yet in the shadow of this individual-this man-an icy shard of fear raced down her spine. A rough and fearsome-looking man awaited them near the entrance to the Church, and the sight of him momentarily brought Jean up short. His mere presence carried with it a thick stench of blood and gunpowder emanating from his entire body. Dark sunglasses concealed his eyes. Not so his wild brown hair. It spilled behind him in an unruly mane that he made no attempt to tame. He didn't flinch away from their approach. If anything, the sight of them seemed to intrigue him, and he turned openly to face them. Even if he hadn't, Jean would've recognized that distinctive scar on his visage. This face belonged to one of the few magi she genuinely respected, if not pitied for the strange hand fate had thrown him.

One she'd worked with before at that.

His was a face you didn't forget.

Kairi Sisigou.

"Yo." the gruff man raised a hand, a small smile plucking at his weathered features. "Long time no see, Jean. I heard you were part of the Red Faction too, but-

Then his gaze settled upon Naruto.

"So? This is your Servant?"

Jean expected a scene.

As such, she found herself almost pleasantly surprised when her normally recalcitrant Servant nudged past her. Blue eyes traveled up and down, sizing the formidable necromancer up from head to toe. Whatever he found there must've pleased him; because he barked out a laugh.

"Nice ta meetcha!" the blond beamed expressively, extending a hand. "The name's Naruto!"

'Why the hell did he just use his true name?!'

Jean's head whipped around with such force that she nearly smacked herself in the face with her own ponytail.

"Berserker!"

"What?" the blond pouted. "We're on the same side, aren't we? 'Sides, he smells trustworthy."

"Berserker, huh?"

Sisigou actually blinked at that.

After a moment's consideration, he accepted Naruto's hand and shook it.

...hmm. This is honestly the first time I've had someone call me something like that."

"Ha?" a new voice intruded. "Whaddya mean, Master? He doesn't look like a Berserker to me."

A swirl of agitated prana heralded his Servant's arrival and releasing Sisigou, Naruto turned to face the newcomer.

"Ho?"

Unlike Berserker this one stood clad entirely in gleaming silver armor with crimson accents. From head to toe, not a single piece of skin could be seen by the naked eye. A fearsome helmet concealed their face; that horned facade regarding them with frightening dispassion. This was Saber, then. It had to be, Jean reasoned. No other class save that could be so magnificently adorned or exude such...majesty. Perhaps had she been able to see into her Servants mind, she would've seen the gears turning. Naruto, for one, immediately found himself fascinated by the armored warrior. That blank, featureless helm regarded them with a hint of annoyance.

So much so that he momentarily forsook his place by his Master's side and approached his fellow warrior.

"Are ya sure you're not Assassin?" they repeated, deadpanning. "Yer scrawny-looking. Weak."

In the corner of Jean's peripherals, Berserker stiffened imperceptibly at the slight.

"Oi, now." Sisigou sighed. "Saber. Don't go picking unnecessary fights."

Alas, his admonishment proved itself too little too late.

"But, Master-

"Kukukuku," Naruto laughed suddenly, drawing all eyes to him. Indeed, he cackled like an old man, concealing his mouth with a curled hand. "Saber, was it? That's funny, coming from one such as you."

Oh, no.

Jean knew that look.

That look meant nothing good!

"Eh?" the warrior tilted their head. "What's so funny?"

"You say I'm Assassin, yet you're the one hiding her face." Naruto retorted, still chuckling. "I just find it funny. Are you that afraid of me, Saber-chan?"

Now it was Jean's turn to tilt her head.

'Chan?'

Sisigou swore.

Shit.

Saber twitched, just so.

"Oi. Wanna say that again, bastard?"

"Oh, dear." Berserker replied with an impish grin, thumbing at his nose. "Did you not hear me, Saber-chaaaaan~?" he let his syllables drag over the last word. "I may be an old man at heart, but my senses are still sharp." to drive the point home, he sniffed once for emphasis. "Whomever you are under that helmet of yers, you're definitely a girl. I don't know why you're trying to hide it, really. I've known plenty of strong women in my day and none of them concealed their identities. And yet you've made every effort to hide yours. Which means you have something you don't want anyone to see; yes, something to be ashamed of-

CRUNCH.

A muffled grunt heralded Naruto's abrupt departure from Jean's side; in the same instant a distant building imploded upon itself.

Throughout his little tirade the Saber of Red had continued to twitch with increasing frequency.

Within moments, she'd been outright quivering with rage.

No one had seen her move until just now.

Quiet suddenly, she'd snapped.

"THAT DOES IT!"

Before Jean's very eyes, Saber's menacing helmet inexplicably folded inward upon itself to reveal her concealed face. Aqua green eyes burned with fury, framed by flaxen hair bound back behind her head, and a full mouth set in a dangerous snarl. Jean had but a moment to behold the young woman's savage beauty before the now-unmasked warrior loosed a bestial snarl, gathered both legs beneath her, and leaped. The subsequent wave of pressure shattered the street and launched Saber forward at near explosive speeds, though admittedly far slower than her last punch had proven. As both Masters looked on in silent exasperation, a distant cloud of smoke heralded her own landing near where she'd launched him.

"Damn." Sisigou muttered. "Shoulda warned him about that."

Jean sweatdropped slightly. "Warned him about what?"

"Saber...isn't very fond of being called a girl."

A distant explosion echoed his words.

"Aren't you going to stop her?"

"Eh," the necromancer shrugged. "It'd be a waste of a Command Seal. She'll calm down soon enough. If your Berserker is half the servant I think he is, he'll be fine."

For a fleeting sliver of a second, Jean wondered if Saber had actually managed to kill Berserker with that attack. Indeed, she shivered at the thought. Anyone who wielded such power couldn't be called human. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Such was the unknowable existence that was as a Servant. A faint crackle of thunder followed by a distant streak of scarlet and gold told otherwise; as she looked on, a bolt of light arced across the sky like a thunderbolt thrown by Zeus himself, wild and arcing in its path.

Was this a Noble Phantasm, or...?

With a faint flicker of golden light, Berserker reappeared, his coat slightly singed, but otherwise relatively unharmed. A black eye and a red stain on his shoulder revealed where he'd been struck by Saber, yet even as she looked on, those wounds healed; as though time itslef were being undone.

"Oi, Maaaaaaaster~! I'd step back, if I were you!" he cat-called. "I'm pretty sure she's right behind me-oops!"

"Damn trickster! Hold STILL!"

Scarce had he spoken than Saber crashed down behind him, brandishing her bloodied blade like a lance.

"Hey, that last attack tickled!" Naruto grinned, idly dusting his coat down. "Wanna try again?"

He immediately ducked as she lobbed her blade at his head.

"Oi! Say that shit again!" Mordred snarled. "I dare ya!"

"Again." Berserker mimicked darkly. "I dare ya."

Snarling, the two blond's butted heads.

"You wanna go for real, whiskers?!"

"Bring it on, ponytail!"

"Fine by me!"

"Great!"

"HA!"

Naruto was already in motion by the time she struck out again.

"Careful! You'll poke an eye out~!"

Rather than twist out of the blade's path, he grabbed the edge of her weapon and heaved it toward the center of his body mass. A fraction of a second later and Mordred's momentum caught up with her arm, tugging her helplessly along behind it. Aqua eyes narrowed as she realized what he intended. The bastard was pulling her forward by the blade with the intent to slug her in the face, thereby forcing her to either release said hilt and strike out at him, or hold on tight and risk a debilitating blow. Well, she'd show him! See how the bastard liked a headbutt when he tried to yank her weapon out of her-

Wrong.

The Knight of Rebellion had time for a single startled yelp before Naruto ignored her blade completely; forsaking defense andallowing the blade to bite deep into his stomach then emerge out his back in a grisly red spray. If Naruto was at all fazed by the towering blade jutting from his stomach, he did little to show it. With his free hand he lunged forward-past her?!-and seized a fistful of her hair. Blue eyes burned before her vision-no, not blue she realized without mounting disbelief, they'd turned red when she wasn't looking and-

Ground.

Breath burst out of her lungs as Berserker whipped her face first into the earth by the hair. The sheer force of it ripped the air out of her lungs and she coughed, momentarily winded. Instead of finishing her off however, a booted foot filled her vision. Nudged her side. Rolled her over. A grunt echoed, punctuated by a wet squelching sound as her opponent tore her blade free. Moments later it clattered to the floor, just out of her reach. Even as she grasped at her blade, aqua eyes regarded the wound; that gaping hole staring down at Mordred in crimson relief. No, not a hole. To her dismay, the wound simply unwound itself, revealing healthy pink skin.

"Okay, okay! I get the point. Ha! Point! That's rich!"

Her boot caught him in the chest and he stumbled back, laughing.

"What are you, a zombie?" Mordred snarled. "How the hell're ya still standing, oi?!"

"Ah, just like a lover whose blood is boiling with passion!" a stark, cultured voice interjected before he could finish. "Yes, yes, yes! That's the way! Fight to your heart's content! This will make a fine prologue!"

All eyes, Master and Servant alike, turned toward this fesh voice.

"A horse!" they cried! "A horse! My kingdom for a horse!"

Groaning, Mordred clamored wearily upright.

In the end, Berserker beat her to it.

...who the hell are you?"

"Please, my lord! Your words break my heart! Continue as you were!"

Instead of another warrior, they found themselves staring at a foppishly dressed man. A bearded fellow, clad in extravagant clothes to match. With quill in hand, he hastily scrawled into a book, documenting everything, all that he saw and reproducing it as a grand play. He cared not a wit for the weapons leveled at him; indeed, he appeared ignorant to their very existence. In his mind, all that existed was the story. The pen. The play. A true tragedy was even now being slavishly written as all words must be wrought.

Mordred's eye twitched.

"Oi, who the hell gave you permission to write about us, you damned hack!"

"To write...Nay! How can you spout such drivel?! You wound me!" the man staggered back as though he'd been physically struck. "I am merely recording this grand tale as it unfolds! An affront to my works is an affront to myself, Shakespeare!"

Jean's eye twitched.

"This is...I don't even know how to respond to that. Why are you here?"

"To observe, of course!" the now-named Servant sketched an extravagant bow. "Such wit! Such drama! How could I, as Caster of Red, resist recording such an opportunity?! Please, continue as you were-URK?!"

A brick sailed out of Naruto's hand and collided with the poet's skull.

With that, the last of the tension drained out of the street and those inhabiting it.

"I think that's enough, don't you, Saber?" Sisigou sighed. "He's learned his lesson by now."

"Oi, Master! Whiskers started it!"

"Want me to finish it?"

"Why, you?!"

"We're on the same side," the necromancer drawled. "Don't go killing your allies."

"Berserker, the same applies to you," Jean quipped. "That's an order."

Naruto and Mordred exchanged a terse, angry glance.

For a moment, just a moment, Jean worried.

Then, to the dismay and disbelief of all parties present, both blond burst into laughter. Naruto extended a hand and this time, Mordred firmly grasped it. Hauling herself to her feet, the battered knight used his body as a pillar to stand. Upon doing so, she immediately slapped an armored hand against the ninja's unarmed back, staggering him. For his part, the Berserker laughed the blow off and returned her blade to her. Saber accepted it gladly, planting it tip first in the street for support.

"What the hell was that punch back there, whiskers?! That shit hurt!"

"I could say the same thing about that kick! You're crazy!"

"We've gotta do this shit again, later. No holding back!"

"You read my mind! Name the time and place!"

"That aside, how the hell are you alive?!"

"Well, I've got crazy regeneration...

"No kidding?! So, about Caster...

Berserker offered a grin.

"Well, we could...

As the unlikely allies continued their equally unlikely conversation, both their Masters could only gawp. Mere moments ago, Saber and Berserker had, for all intensive purposes, tried to kill one another. That they were now squabbling over the time and place of their rematch as well as trading friendly insults was a tad...disconcerting all things considered. An unstoppable force had met an immovable object and in the end, neither had yielded. Indeed, it seemed both parties were better off for their little spar besides!

In the end, Sisigou was the one to recovere his voice first.

"Wait...did...did they just become friends, now?"

Jean palmed her face in a fit of bleak dismay.

"He's an unlikely Berserker, after all."

Sisigou shrugged.

"Might as well go in together, then."

With a grunt the scarred man turned and wrested the doors to the church open.

The sudden sound of rusted hinges immediately captured their attention.

"Oi, Berserker! Saber!" he called. "Stop tying up Caster. We're going!"

"Wait a minute!"

"Don't get ahead of us!"

A humble cathedral awaited them within, its candles unlit, its many pews empty. Before the altar a lone man knelt, his head bowed in benediction. Naruto clicked his tongue softly at the sight. Churches had never sat well with him, nor did the idea of a higher power. He'd fought one goddess already, he didn't relish the idea of charging headlong facing another. Less so the sight of the man clad in dark robes at the foot of the altar. With his back to him, he couldn't see his face, but that crop of unruly white hair stilled stirred something in him.

Anxiety.

"This is the designated place." Sisigou began roughly. "Were you the one who called us?"

Silently, the kneeling man rose.

Turned to face them.

"Greetings." he welcomed them with a small smile. "I am the supervisor of this war, Shiro Kotomine."

Humbly, the priest sketched a small bow towards each of them and shook their hands.

Towards one individual above all the others and the rest.

"Its a pleasure to finally meet you, Berserker of Red."

Naruto eyed the extended hand with vague interest.

Almost imperceptibly, his gaze narrowed.

Looking back, he couldn't say what it was that made him distrust the Priest. Perhaps it was his smile. Maybe it had something to do with his eyes. It might even have been the hair. Who knew? Regardless of the case, he didn't believe the young man. Nor did he trust him. There was just an "air" about him, a curious aloofness behind his smile that reminded him of an old enemy he'd once fought in the past. This "priest" radiated the same sensation as that one. Ah, so this was what it felt like to experience fear again. He'd almost forgotten after all these years.

In the end, it saved both their lives.

...noted. We're leaving, Jean."

"Huh!? Wait a second-

A/N: Yeah, the confrontation with Lancer got pushed back to the next chapter. Note that I haven't named Lancer. That may or may not be deliberate. Though whether it will be the tried and true Vlad or someone else remains to be seen...and depends on you, the readers.

And there we go. An older, more experienced Naruto summoned in his prime and youth. That is to say, at his peak. Furthermore, I know its obvious by now, but YEs Naruto's Master for this war is Jean Rum. I wasn't about to swipe Mordred's master from her. Those two jive too well together. Yes, Jean is an actual character in Apocrypha-but not well known. Go look her up on the Type Moon Wiki if you're at all confused. She wields the wind element and chakrams as her weapons, making her a capable magus of the Association.

And there we have it.

Naruto as Berserker of Red.

I can easily see him being paired with Atalanta or Mordred so TELL ME WHO YOU WANT in a review. Hell, I'd even be down with a female iteration of Astolfo in this. That little trap's just too amusing to ignore...

So In the Immortal Words of Atlas...

...Review...Would You Kindly?

And enjoy the previewssss!

Care to guess what I'm thinking?

TELL ME WHICH ONES YOU LIKE AND WHY~!

(Potential Previews)

"Whatcha doin'?"

"Rrrngh?!"

Berserker bolted to her feet and spun around, the motion scattering the flowers at her feet. Enemy!

Destroy!

Crush!

Kill!

"Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa! STOPU!" the Berserker of Red flung up his hands as she leveled her weapon. "I'm not here to fight today. I come bearing gifts!"

...hrrngh?"

Fran tilted her head.

A hand shot out, presenting a bouquet of flowers.

"For you!"


"The two of you are more alike than you know."

Atalanta's ears twitched.

"Berserker."

"Hmm?" the blond stirred from his meditative crouch, a gold eye creaking open. "Need something?"

...may I join you?"

"Sure. Plenty of room."

After a moments consideration, Archer claimed the space beside him.


"Oi! Don't pull my hair, Berserker!"

"Aw, but your ponytail's just so fluffy! I can't resist! And yet you get so mad when anyone calls you a-

Mordred growled.

"I WILL GUT YOU!"


"I'm never alone."

Jean smiled softly.

"BANZAI, DATTEBAYO!"

That was all Caster heard before a cackling Berserker dropped out of the sky and hammered him into the ground feet-first.


"Oh, hell no. I'm not killing a kid!"

Jack blinked.

"Mommy?"

"Eh...I'd prefer big brother, honestly."

A wide, beatific smile blossomed on her face.

"...really? We've never had a big brother before."

R&R~!