A/N: Hello there, everyone!
MORE THAN TWELVE THOUSAND WORDS FOR YOU ALL!
Sorry this took so long to update, my internet's gone to pot way out here. It also seems the site came under attack by someone/or several someones, so we're all still experiencing issues. Hell, a lot of us were having trouble just saving our documents. Hopefully the admins hear about this and we can get everything back on track.
So!
I survived the surgery and now its onto recovery...and pain pills. Looooooooooots of pain pills. On the upside, they're helping me deal with my new scars. Downside is, they make me kind of loopy. Ah, but when one is loopy, one gets the best ideas, no?
This one thinks so!
REVIEW FOR IT FEEDS MY ENGINE OF CREATION!
HOLY CRAP SO MANY REVIEWS~!
MORE THAN FOUR HUNDRED REVIEWS FOR FOUR CHAPTERS! 0_0
Seems I'm onto something here, no?
Now, a lot of you have been asking about Semiramis and why Naruto REFUSED to so much as meet her and Shirou way back in the beginning. Now, this chapter goes into that a bit, among other things. Seeing as our boy is older and wiser this time around-albeit in a younger body-he's a bit cautious at times. Of course, he's a right ditz at others~! Regardless, he's lived a full life and gotten some serious training in as a result of said life. While his legend might be somewhat warped by rumors and hearsay...
...well, lets just say he can be downright terrifying when wants to be. Its those who smile that you need to fear.
Mind you, this is an old Naruto restored to the height of his prime, one who died of VERY old age.
Yeah, he's a scary fucker when he wants to be, as Semiramis is about to learn the hard way.
Also, saw Venom. Now that was a TRIP! Regardless of what the critics say, I enjoyed it! Its also given me a new idea, but I'm going to hold onto it for now. That being said, I own no references or quotes within, they belong to their respective media.
Lots of scheming in this chapter courtesy of a certain Assassin, hope that doesn't put you off.
In that regard title is a deliberate pun there, of sorts.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way...
..Semiramis kinda stole the show here...
...shall we continue~?
"We all have our own problems, our own issues, our own...demons. Mine? He has a name. A face. Trust me-you don't want to see him."
"Is this act meant to frighten me, Berserker? Because, I assure you, it doesn't."
"It should, Assassin. You'd make a nice little snack for my friend."
"Have we resorted to threats now? How quaint."
"Fine, you asked for it...
~?
A Venomous Overture
Semiramis awoke.
That was somewhat concerning, given she didn't remember dozing off to begin with. As a high class Servant, sleep was a mere triviality for one such as her. A comfort perhaps, but unnecessary. Yet she'd still fallen into slumber all the same. Why? Her last coherent memory consisted of preparing her Hanging Gardens then...nothing. Long lashes fluttered open and shut in a vain attempt to blink the cobwebs away, only to squint against pale light from some unknown source. Her first inkling that something had gone terribly, horribly wrong came in the form of an alarming stiffness in her limbs.
Irked by what she viewed as foolishness on her part, she attempted to rise.
Only then did she become aware of the gag thrust into her mouth.
'What madness is this?!'
With a snarl Assassin bolted upright; rather, she would have, were it not for the razor wires that bound her limbs. An alarming gap in her memory caused her to ponder when night had turned to day and back again, but it provided little solace; her mind found itself swaddled in cotton. Instead she found her world flung askew, strands of ebony wafting across her vision as she hung like a strung up turkey. Someone-or something-had gone to great pangs to hang her such, to leave her draped from the rafters by her feet, trussed up like a madwoman.
Groggy golden eyes flitted wildly about her surroundings, seeking escape, but found only four slate walls to greet her.
No, not quite, she realized.
Tethered by brass tacks to those ugly edifices, a series of thick candles provided a faint form of illumination to view her captivity; what she saw there only served to heighten her confusion.
Framed in their flickering light, Assassin grit her teeth.
Beyond the candles those walls were indeed bare as she'd initially surmised, but the room was not. Consisting of little more than a small room its layout was devoid of most amenities-even an exit-bar a single sleeping roll and a wooden table. Strewn atop its plain surface in careless disarray the curious glint of plastic caught her eye. At first she didn't rightly understand what she was looking at; the various foodstuffs sprawled across said table resembled little more than common junk food; instant ramen, bags of chips and the like. Craning her neck, the blackette hissed softly as the wires bit into her sides, drawing blood beneath her dress. It seemed her captors didn't care what she thought of them.
Needless to say, she was not amused.
"Please excuse the mess." A rough voice chimed. "Didn't have time to tidy the place up."
She was even less enthused by the sudden wind that swarmed the room, setting her wounds stinging.
In a heartbeat the candles found themselves snuffed out and shadow swallowed the world; sending Semiramis plunging into the black. When it finally returned she found herself face to face with pair of blazing blue orbs framed by a mangled mop of blond hair. With a flourish the owner of that visage tore the gag free from her mouth. Whiskered cheeks dimpled in a small, sly smile. Mere inches from her own, that cheery visage dangled there, awaiting her response. A muscle jumped in her jaw, pulsing wildly as that jester's grin gazed back at her. As she looked on a lazy hand rose, feigning a salute.
"Yo. Did you sleep well, O' deadly queen of Assyria?"
Indeed she recognized her captor immediately, though she'd only glimpsed him once from afar. Berserker of Red. His tattered crimson cloak seemed to shimmer in the ghastly light as gazed up at her, the otherwordly pulsing and thrumming as though it had a life of its own. There was a wild light to those eyes of his, a strange frenetic energy that set her nerves on edge. Pearly white teeth flashed in the gloom, exposing sharpened canine teeth. It is said that two warriors-or killers-can recognize one another at a glance if they have nothing to hide; in that instant Semiramis read the entirety history of his being.
That tore it.
"BER~SER~KER~!"
Some fell instinct bid Semiramis to rear back and bash her head against his with all her might. Thus, she did. The result was...satisfactory, all things considered. Given her close proximity she had a prime view of the blond's startled expression mere moments before her forehead crunched into his nose, rendering the orifice a fresh gout of blood in the air. An annoyed grunt greeted her ears even as her prison dug a fresh latticework of bloody lines against her pale skin, but in her fit of pique she paid her injuries no mind. Satisfaction spurred a spiteful smile to her lips.
"Heavens me! That looks painful. I'd expected better from someone known as Berserker."
Recoiling in pain, the warrior clutched at his face and hissed softly.
"Owowowow! What the hell was that for, Assassin?!"
"I should be asking you the same thing!"
A low rumble answered her.
"What's so funny?!"
"Everything, I suppose!" rather than whimper and curse her vitriol, the cloaked servant rewarded her with a laugh muffled against his palms. "Honestly, I never get tired of this trick." As she looked on his shoulders shook with silent mirth as he straightened before her, no longer doubling over in pain. "I'll grant you this; I probably deserved that headbutt in the grand schemes of things, even if it was kinda pointless in the end. But if its any consolation, dear Assassin...
With a flourish the young man took a bloodied hand from his face, exposing hale and hearty skin in place of his once-ruined nose.
...that hurt like hell."
Too late, she realized her mistake.
'Instantaneous regeneration?! In such a short time? How did he-?!'
In a mottled blur of golden crimson he was upon her, seizing her by the face, forcing her to meet his gaze. Cold eyes the color of dried blood regarded her between the slits of his fingers. In that moment she was suddenly all too aware of the strength behind those clenched digits. Mana thrummed in the air between them, poisoned violet vying against tainted crimson. Still the pain intensified, biting down against her flesh with painful clarity, like an iron trap slowly grinding shut across her fine features. For a terrifying instant she feared Berserker would simply increase the pressure-squeeze-and render her face a pulpy mess before she could skewer him with her chains.
By some twist of fate, he abstained and released her of his own accord.
"Hey, don't make that face!" those devilish eyes seemed to shimmer in the low light, boring into her very soul. "I didn't bring you here to kill you. Besides, I wouldn't be much of a Berserker if I let something like this keep me down. Now, I'm going to have to ask you to refrain from doing that again, so don't bother using your magic." he amended sternly. "One more stunt like that without my say so and those wires will cut you to pieces. Of course," a hint of that eerie amusement from earlier slipped back into his smile as he plucked at a nearby wire. "I could just let you down if you promise to behave. Not as though you could teleport out of here without my say-so anyway."
"Oho?" despite the pain snarling its way down her spine, Semiramis felt a smile touch her lips. "You are aware I could kill you without raising a finger, no?"
"You'll find I'm quite resistant to poison these days." his smile didn't waver in the least as she leered at him. "I invite you to try."
"My, aren't you bold."
Berserker didn't respond.
Instead he snapped his fingers.
With a sibilant hiss the wires retracted from Assassin's body all at once, that deadly razor wire snapping like fine spider-silk.
A heartbeat of confusion slowed her thoughts, but only just.
Bereft of her bonds, the blackette briefly stumbled before catching herself upon one bent knee. A small smile tugged at her full lips but again Berserker didn't react to her suspiciously awkward landing; nor did he move to assist her. Even had he engaged in such foolish chivalry so he would have proven too slow. In the time it took for him to realize her intentions she'd already encircled him in chains and struck out at him, thrusting a spiked palm into the young man's stoic facade.
"You're full of openings!"
It was a clean stab through and through, one Semiramis was rather proud of; by rights she'd given him no time to move, much less react. By all rights, it ought to have been a fatal one. Her attack had pierced his eye and struck the sensitive gray matter lurking behind it. With his arms and legs bound, he had no way of retaliating. Surely she must've inflicted critical damage, such that would would leave him writhing on the ground at her feet shortly. Foolish boy, thinking he stood a chance against one such as her-
Flick.
Thus it came as a something of a surprise when the blond raised two fingers and poked her in the forehead. Startled by the force behind the seemingly benign gesture Semiramis found herself unprepared for the aftershock that followed; what should have been a simple prod against her skull instead slammed her back against the nearest wall, cratering the thick mortar with sound and aplomb. Breath burst from her lungs and once more she found herself slumped forward against her will, struggling for air that wouldn't come. Through ringing ears a distant peal of laughter reached her.
"Hey, I actually felt that one!" he croaked.
Almost against her will, Semiramis dared to look up.
Looking back, the queen of Assyria sorely wished she hadn't done so.
Berserker gazed back at her, uncaring of the gaping hole she'd ripped in his head. A lopsided grin stretched across his ruined face as he rolled his shoulders, shattering the metal links binding his torso into harmless shards of fractured mana. Seemingly ignorant of the visceral tear penetrating his right eye and the skull beyond. What little blood ran from the wound soon found itself staunched, as though someone had simply closed a pump somewhere in his body, ceasing the flow altogether.
"Well." she swallowed thickly. "That's not fair at all."
Rather than shrink, that dirge of a grin only grew ever wider.
"Pardon the pun, but I don't give a...no, that line's been done to death, hasn't it? You can't kill what you don't understand." the words emerged him as a soft hum and as she looked on, that same blue orb wound its way back into existence with a hiss of steam alongside the rest of his head. "Saber learned that lesson the hard way. Now, I've given you two free hits, so are you quite done?"
This wasn't working.
No, one might even call it a disaster.
She needed to escape this prison, to flee.
But in order to withdraw safely she'd require time; time to contact Shirou, time to find an opening in this ugly cage her enemy had crafted, time she simply didn't and wouldn't have if she tried to attack Berserker again. Very well, then. If playing his game would avail her of the resources she needed...she'd entertain this fool of a jester.
For now.
...just do you want from me?"
"See! We can be civil!" the young man chirruped happily, flashing a Cheshire grin as he pulled a chair out of the shadows for her. "As for what I want, well, that's simple. My apologies for the accommodations, but I wanted to meet you under a more...controlled setting. One that didn't involve your Master looking over my shoulder eyeing my every move." a silent shudder shook his shoulders. "Seriously, right creepy bastard there. What do you see in him?"
Assassin's first instinct was to lash out at Berserker for the slight; to offer a waspish retort.
After a moment's consideration she reluctantly chose to hold withhold her barbed reply and claim her seat opposite him.
No, anger would not serve her here; it would only hasten her death knell. In close combat Berserker eclipsed anything she could throw at him. Speed, strength, durability, he clearly exceeded her in all these and more. Oh, she remained confident she could kill him given proper time and preparation, but not in these confined quarters. He would well landing a mortal blow before she finished him. There would be a reckoning for this, so she swore. Once she finished her Hanging Gardens this upstart would be in for a rude awakening indeed, but until that moment came...
Tact yet remained her greatest weapon here in this cage, one that must used with care.
Perhaps in doing so she'd somehow learn enough to use against her captor.
If that meant playing to his ego, then it was a role she knew well.
Hmmph. Fool. She'd have him wrapped around her finger.
Stifling a sly smirk, she leaned back in her chair.
"Is there's some bad blood between you?"
"Bad blood? No, not at all." Berserker supplied with an frigid smile, momentarily startling her with this sudden change in intensity. "Quite the contrary. I've never met Shirou Kotomine until I saw him in that church. Not once. He simply reminds me of someone...I'd rather forget. Yes, someone who caused a great deal of trouble for my world and those I loved." A mad look danced in her peripherals as he ground a clawed fist into an open palm. "Someone I have to grind into dust. An anomaly I need to eradicate. Forgive me for being blunt, but I will kill your Master if he's anything like "that man". I feel inclined to tell you that now before we continue our...discussion."
A beat of awkward silence passed between the two Servants.
"I see." she replied bluntly. "You're insane."
"Insane? Me? No, no, no! I prefer the term enlightened. You learn a few things when you've lived as long as I have." Just like that, this brief spark of anger was extinguished by the blond's enigmatic smile. "Now then!" Laughing, he brought his hands together in a sharp that caused her sensitive ears to vibrate painfully. "Onto business! See, I thought it was high time we had a chat. You and Rider were the only other servants of Red that I hadn't met, so I thought it best to start with you. I suspect the latter's going to wander in through my door eventually. So, where were we...ah!"
Pulling up a battered chair of his own from spirits knew where, her fellow Servant flopped down and leaned across the back.
A beat of silence passed between the two killers, broken only by the sound of their own own breathing.
The inquiry, when it came, nearly floored Semiramis outright.
"Your master sent Lancer after Ruler last night. Why?"
Deny it.
He grasps at straws.
He can't prove anything.
He seeks to drive a wedge between the two of you.
Semiramis nearly rebuffed him out of habit, but something in those ice blue eyes told her such a response would be received...poorly. Nothing in his posture suggested Naruto was prepared to attack should she disavow any knowledge of her Master's action, but still that glacial gaze pierced her and stilled her tongue. It was true that on some level she knew Shirou had sent Karna to take Ruler's head, just as she knew said attempt had been thwarted by someone. She hadn't given the matter much thought. Until now. Ah, of course. It made sense. Berserker must've intervened. His bravery would've been admirable, if it weren't so misguided.
In war, fools fell first.
Her expression must've been telling however, for his own remained set in stone.
...likely to remove her from the war." the words escaped her before she could think to drag them back. "Why does this concern you?"
"Hmm. So the shitty priest has something against her after all. Thought as much. Doesn't matter now, just wanted to confirm it. That shit stops now." with that, the whiskered warrior sighed and palmed his face. "After all, if we're going to play ball, I can't have you stabbing a potential ally in the back. Speaking of stabbing! We'll be assaulting the Black Faction later tonight." he informed her primly, laying his chin 'cross folded arms. "Since we're "technically" on the same team, I thought it best to tell you. Coordination, and all that."
A delicate brow rose.
"We?"
"Yes, we." his expression didn't waver. "I've made a few friends."
Exacerbating this less-than-subtle threat, the young man shifted his dominant arm into the light thereby revealing his hand. Her gaze flitted there and to her dismay, beheld the marked symbols etched into his flesh. A series of seals that had no business existing upon the hand of anyone who wasn't a Master in the war. Yet there they stood, almost daring her to defy them for what they were. She felt the power emanating from that mark and knew it to be true. An ember of uncertainty kindled itself in her heart and try as she might she couldn't grind it out. Did those seals belong to a Servant of the Red faction? No, surely not. She would've known, would've noticed...
The Black Faction, then.
But who? When? More aptly, how?
Regardless of whom he'd stolen, this changed things.
Not only did Berserker have an ace up his sleeve but it rendered made any sort of betrayal on her part absolutely moot; a single seal would be more than sufficient to bring this erstwhile ally to his side. Even if they proved uncooperative he possessed another seal to compel their obedience. Depending on whom he'd wrested away he now posed a significant threat.
'But who?' her mind flitted like a wild dove, beating its wings in vain as that stoic mask gazed back at her. 'Caster? Saber? Assassin?'
She had no way of knowing.
Worse, with his Master squirreled away out of sight, they had no way of tapping this potential resource without bringing him into the fold; something he'd gone to great lengths to resist. The other Masters would be brought to heel eventually of course, yet if this continued, they risked a third faction rising within their own ranks. They had no way of knowing how the Grail might react to that-would yet another set of Servants be summoned?
The thought almost made her shiver.
'Clever.' she mused, laying her chin upon a curled fist. 'Sow dissent among both parties and reap the rewards. Not the way I would have done it, but still. Perhaps there is some merit in dealing with him after all.'
Her opinion of him inched higher.
Slightly.
"You've taken control of a Servant for yourself." it was not a question on her part, but rather a statement. "Fascinating. I hadn't thought it was possible for one such as you."
Blue eyes narrowed to azure slits.
"Oooh, caught onto that quick, didn't you? You are a scary one." the whiskered warrior whistled aloud. "Sharp, too. Maybe I should just kill you now and save myself the hassle...nah, who am I kidding." a hand rose, palming the unruly mane that served as his hair. "I just don't have that kind of mean streak in me. Even in this incarnation. Still...
Every fiber of her being twitched at the perceived slight. "Don't say it."
Grinning, Berserker walked right into that minefield.
"Frankly I'm amazed I got the drop on you." he remarked coyly as she began to squirm in her seat, savoring every moment of her discomfort. "Let's face it, I am the least stealthy Servant out there. Yet here we are. So before you find a way to maim, murder, or otherwise mangle me beyond repair, I'm going to make you an offer. However!" the blond interjected over himself, thrusting an imperious digit into her face, "Before I do, I'd appreciate some manner of civility. Really! We're not savages, you and I! If anything I think we can understand one another. Don't you?"
Really, she couldn't be blamed for what followed.
No, not in the least.
She bit down.
Hard.
Rather than yelp or recoil in pain a the sudden injury, Berserker of Red merely sighed. Eyeing the faint drop of blood rising from the now-swollen digit, he favored her with a decidedly lazy look.
"Really?" he deadpanned. "We've fallen to biting me now?"
"Take back your words this instant or so help me-
"I had a son, once. Did you know that?" rather than acquiesce to her demands the blond surprised her by launching into a tangent of his own. "His name was Boruto. Smart kid, if a bit...stubborn. Don't get me wrong, I had nothing but love and respect for him, but he could also be a spoiled little shit at times. Pfft!" A scarred arm rose in dramatic flourish as he belabored his point. "You should've seen him! Proud, arrogant, willing to do whatever it took to win. Nothing like me at all! It took him a while, but eventually he learned his lesson, took a few knocks, and came around. Sure, I outlived him and those who came after him, but it was nice reminder of things."
Semiramis bit her lip, stifling a retort.
"Is there a point to this ceaseless babble of yours?" she hissed.
It was exactly the wrong thing to say and Semiramis realized it far too late.
Quick as a flash those wild bestial eyes found hers again, pinning her where she stood.
"The point that I'm trying to make here, your majesty, is a simple one; people can change!" In a single sharp motion the warrior burst out of his chair and kicked backwards like an angry mule, rendering the rickety frame little more than driftwood against the nearest wall. "We don't have to be enemies! I'd like to think that queen bitch act of yours is just that, an act. And if it is, great. We can work together." For a fraction of a second the wild light in his eyes dimmed and she almost thought he would kneel before her. Then he seized her by the hand and all that fire came roaring back with a bloody vengeance. "But I'm not going to waste my time if you're going to be an absolute bitch about all this and ignore everything I've just said! Don't you get it?! I'm asking for your help!"
Eyes of poisoned gold flitted southward, regarding the rough palm now clutching hers.
In that moment something shifted in her heart.
It was a strange thing indeed for someone else to seek her aid once again; unlike Shirou, this request had a different ring to it. To be approached on equal terms proved something of a novel experience for her. From one ruler to another. She knew enough of Berserker's legend-warped though it might be by time and rumors-to comprehend that much. Truth be told, it was not...an unpleasant feeling. For all his insanity Berserker had proven himself profoundly durable, if nothing else. Quirks aside, he might prove a useful meat shield in the battles to come. If manipulated properly, he would be a powerful tool for her own agenda. Perhaps she he might even think it was of his own accord.
And yet...she couldn't bring herself to do it. Try as she might, the words wouldn't come.
Unable to meet that earnest gaze overlong, she turned her own away.
...why ask me this?" the words tumbled out of her in a rush.
Much to the queen's dismay, Naruto didn't release her.
"Let's be honest here; I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed." the hero confided in her with a helpless shrug. "I'm not the fastest, strongest, or even the most charming figure in this war. I've accepted it and come to terms with it. Red or Black, Saber would probably demolish me in a straight up fight, let alone if they used their Noble Phantasm. Same could be said for our Lancer. But they won't. Why, you ask?" Again those blue eyes glinted a tainted shade of crimson at her, surveying Semiramis with those strange bloody slits. "Because I possess a very unique set of skills, skills that are a nightmare for people like you and your master. Chief among them? Turning enemies into allies. It'll be that one that'll see our side through to the end of this war."
'Our side?'
Semiramis blinked.
"Did you seriously just...?"
A harsh bark of laughter greeted her.
"Sorry, Grail's thrown a lot of data at me." a marked hand rose, idly knocking his skull with a clenched fist. "Got a lot of pop culture references rattling around in here. I like to use what I can. That's just it! Don't you see?!" Flinging up his arms toward the bloodied ceiling, he released her hand and belted out a fresh cackle. "We're alive, you and I! Our time was long ago, but now we're back and the world has changed while we were gone! Its incredible! There's so much to see! So much to do! Rock and roll, baby! Don't you want to see what's out there?! Aren't you even a little curious?!"
No, she dare not admit that; he'd become absolutely insufferable if she did.
...I'm not going to dignify that with a response."
"Good, because I won't give you one!" came the lilting reply. "Now, that Noble Phantasm of yours is nearly ready, I trust? Its taken quite a bit of time to prepare." When she didn't rise to the bait, the ghost of a smile inched its way across his whiskered visage. "I imagine the Hanging Gardens of Babylon will be quite the sight."
Dread coiled its frigid fingers around her throat and strangled all sense.
Hard.
'He knows?!'
"How did you learn about-
The faint whisper of wind was her only warning; in the next instant she found his head thrust against hers, that crazed smile mere inches from her own.
"Semiramis, I know a great many things." Warm breath brushed her face, bring with it the promise of madness. "Something that distorts reality itself isn't going to escape my notice. That, and your appearance narrowed down your identity considerably. Not many Servants like you; not these days." there it was again, that vague sensation of conversing with something else entirely; in that moment the facade of the fool finally slipped and she glimpsed the warrior lurking behind that merry mask. The sight of it stilled the waspish retort on her tongue.
...who are you really?" she whispered.
In that moment something shifted in her heart.
"Let's answer your question with another question. What do you want from this war?"
"You first."
"Me? No one special. Just a man with a dream. I've fought with gods not once, not twice, but thrice and lived to tell the tale. Make of that what you will." Brushing past her, he sidled up to that same dusty-looking table she'd spied earlier. After a moment's consideration he plucked a package of dried ramen from its surfaced and pried a pair of chopsticks from the wrapper before discarding the former. "Right," he murmured, "I didn't install a microwave or a sink, did I? This is useless then. Just my luck. Such misfortune! Knew I shoulda got some cheese. Nectar of the gods, that...what were we talking about again?
Shaking his head the blond turned that harrowing gaze back on her.
"In any case, what little I don't know has been provided in a broad spectrum by the Grail." he continued. "Now, just in case you've taken it into your head to play me like a fiddle and cast me aside, I'll give you one last warning."
Thunk!
With a solid thud those seemingly benign wooden instruments slammed into the wall opposite Semiramis, opening a thin rent across her left cheek as they hurtled past. A thin line of crimson sluiced down her cheek. Momentarily baffled by the sudden display-and more than a touch perturbed that she'd failed to notice it in the first place-the blackette raised a finely manicured hand to her injured face. The harsh crunch to her rear told her all she needed to know. It was only with an effort of supreme willpower that Assassin finally found it within herself to turn her gaze and follow the impromptu missile's projected path.
Sure enough, she found them wedged against the thick concrete.
And throughout it all, Berserker hadn't budged so much as a single inch.
The smile that followed looked almost beatific by comparison and chilled her to the bone.
"Do not. Fuck with. Me."
Still, a glimmer of defiance kindled itself anew in her breast. Her body remained relatively intact despite that display but her pride, ah, her pride that had suffered a mortal wound. But beyond that, deeper than she dared admit, lurked another emotion. How dare he. How dare he. Who was he to ask for her help only to turn about and demand her loyalty like some peasant?! She was not a fickle wench to be swayed by sentiment! The strong ruled, the weak perished! To think otherwise was anathema, to yield to another something she'd sworn never to do again.
A dark miasma coiled around her shoulders.
"You...you're not sane. You're mad. Have you no reason?!"
"Figure that out yourself, did you?" Naruto beamed. "What gave me away? Was it the cheese?"
Enough. He'd pushed her well past the limits of her patience; that light, lilting laugh threatened to take the fraying leash of her self control and snap it entirely. No, it wasn't that. He held absolutely no fear for her; though she could skewer him, flood his body with poison to rot his very bones, he still dared to defy her. To mock her. The gall. Make a fool of her, would he?! She'd tear him limb from limb, rip out his heart, and feed it to her doves! See if he came back from that!
Rising ponderously from her chair, the queen summoned a wicked length of chain.
"You have precisely THREE seconds to correct yourself before you choke and die on your own bile."
"Cool your tits, Assassin! Can't you take a joke?! Its not like I was ACTIVELY trying to kill you back there...
"Oh?" A small part of her bridled against such a term, bristling at the very insinuation that he could triumph against her. "And if I refuse?"
"Reaaaaaally trying my patience here...
Naruto exhaled softly; on the surface it seemed little more than a sigh. Nothing more. Nothing less. A lesser soul-one not assigned the dual roles of Caster and Assassin-would've failed to notice the sudden surge of prana stemming from his core. They might've missed the abrupt rigidity of his shoulders, the way in which he arched his back just so, turning enough to present a smaller profile while still keeping her within arms reach. The lack of life in those once vibrant eyes instantly set her on edge.
"Oi, Master." when he finally spoke into the dread silence, it wasn't to her. "You there?"
Assassin blinked.
"Wait, what are you-
"Shh! You're not involved in this anymore." Naruto snapped.
A muscle jumped in her jaw. "I'm feeling pretty damn involved you ignorant little-
"Quiet, Semi. The adults are talking." Even she sputtered in disbelief at this fresh slight, Berserker forsook her entirely. Rather than turn and acknowledge the threat she presented, the blond turned his back on her. Twin azure orbs drifted shut as he pressed two fingers against his forehead. "I think negotiations just broke down. Permission to cut loose for a second? What?" he paused, risking a brief glance in her direction, "Yeah, she's right in front of me. Sure. I'll make it quick. I know, I know, I'll behave." After a beat of silence he must've received an answer in the affirmative, for that black gaze swung back to her anew.
"Do you know why I was summoned as a Berserker class in this war?" he inquired softly.
"I suppose it has something to do with complete and utter lack of sanity." Semiramis retorted with acid venom.
"Close. We all have our own problems, our own issues, our own...demons. Mine? He has a name. A face. Trust me-you don't want to see him." when she refused to rise to the bait, he plowed onward, gesturing elaborately. "I'm well aware that my Master doesn't possess the reserves to sustain me. Not when we've got a second Servant along for the ride, at any rate. So I've taken to finding...alternative means of sustenance. No one seems to miss criminals these days. There's not shortage of them in this country. I'm not proud of it, but needs must, I suppose. See, THIS is what happens when rumors warp your legend. Guess I know how Lancer of Black feels...
"Is this act meant to frighten me, Berserker? Because, I assure you, it doesn't." she sniffed.
Rolling his shoulders, the younger warrior shed his coat with a sharp thud.
"It should, Assassin. You're going to be screaming in a second."
"Have we resorted to threats now? How quaint."
"Fine, you asked for it...
Death.
In that moment the candles inexplicably darkened. Could light be black? She wondered about that.
Because in that instant Uzumaki Naruto, Berserker of Red, ceased to be. His back hunched as he bent double, a low roar tearing itself out of his throat. Crimson flooded the room, punctuated by the stench of singed skin. Cloth shredded itself to pieces, flesh peeled away to reveal boiling blood beneath, revealing round orbs of ghastly white sheathed in hardened bone. Hands hardened into feral claws sharper than any blade. As though the fetters of humanity had been stripped away at long last, revealing the monster beneath. Shadows writhed and twisted upon the walls like a thing alive, six tails threshing with the wails of the damned rising in her ears.
The beast saw her then.
And it sneered.
"Food."
'No!'
Too late, Semiramis realized her fate.
This madman-this absolute sociopath!-meant to eat her!
Quick as a flash the Beast gathered itself and pounced upon the startled Assassin, obliterating the magic barrier she frantically tried to erect between them with the merest effort. Unbreakable claws clenched around her throat and squeezed as the sheer weight of its body drove her to the floor, stifling a second spell before it could leave her lips. Though the floor cratered beneath her, the blackette fought back, to no avail. She clawed at its face with poisoned nails striking at any opening she could find, desperately gouging at its eyes when that horrifying face loomed large before her.
"You beast!" White with fury, she raged against him. "Release me at once! Do you hear me?!"
Impossibly, its slavering maw creaked open and against all logic, it spoke:
"Eyes. Lungs. Pancreas. So many snacks, so little time."
"I am NOT a-gack?!"
Scalding hands seared the exposed flesh of her throat, causing her to cry out and struggle all the more.
Shards of shattered prana splintered in every direction, links of broken chain skittering off the creature's impenetrable hide as it pressed down.
Had it taken place in her Hanging Gardens, the battle might well have turned in favor of Semiramis. She could've simply flooded the room with poison, summoned one of her phantasmal beasts or simply teleported herself away from this raving monstrosity. Not here. Here, cut off from all allies, with no territory and the raw power it possessed she found herself as helpless as a newborn. For all her struggles that gaping maw seemed to loom closer with each passing moment, threatening to engulf her head, to rip her very face from her shoulders-
As quickly as it had come, the terror passed.
The weight suddenly fled from her chest all at once, replaced by a cool numbness. Still she struggled against a foe that was simply no longer there. It wasn't until that icy sensation found her throat-allowing her to speak again-that she realized her opponent had withdrawn and left her to lick her wounds. Sure enough, her spotty vision registered his crimson coat on the peripherals of her vision, accompanied by that shock of blond hair. By the end, his Noble Phantasm couldn't have lasted more than thirty seconds. No more than half a minute, yet the sight of it had been enough to render her blood ice in its veins.
Berserker indeed.
Gasping, clutching at her aching-yet now healed-windpipe, she dared to rise.
"For the record," Berserker's rough voice intruded upon her solace, "I wasn't really going to eat you. I'm not that bad. Just wanted to make my point."
He didn't flinch when Semiramis spat in his direction.
"Consider it made." she croaked out.
With a supreme effort the blackette propped herself up on the points of her elbows and fixed her captor with the most menacing glower she could muster. No, she told herself, she wasn't trembling. Not at all. She refused to show fear. To reveal weakness in the face of an adversary would only further destabilize her position. She would stand tall and proud until she finally escaped this place; then and only then would she pause to lick her wounds. Then she'd repay this indignity tenfold. If he ever set foot on her territory-
Of course, the madman wasn't having any of it.
"Jeez, I really banged you up, didn't I? Sorry, that Noble Phantasm isn't one I can control easily. Here. Hold still."
When the gentle green glow of healing mana blossomed against her throat again, Assassin nearly slapped his hand away outright. To her dismay, she lacked the strength to do even that in her frazzled state. Instead she once more found herself forced to submit to the whims of her captor as he tended her wounds. For all her struggles he simply ignored her diatribe and continued his work. Within moments she found herself able to breathe without flinching, minutes after that the pain had receded to little more than a dull ache, though the memory remained painfully sharp. No, she wouldn't be letting her guard down again...
"Better?"
"Fool! You should have killed me." when he strayed too close for her liking Semiramis saw her opportunity to strike at him in the only way she could; seizing his cheeks she pulled hard, wrenching his whiskered visage with what little strength remained. "You won't get a second chance. Next time we meet I'll-
"Ooops, you've got a bit of blood there!"
-are you even listening to me?!" she fumed as he dabbed at her nose.
Much to her chagrin, that damnable smile of his chose that very moment to return.
"Of course I'm listening. Does that make us allies or enemies then?" his demand left no room for negotiation. "Which'll it be?"
Left with little recourse, the Queen of Assyria took the only road left to her.
She laughed.
"Ha!"
"Okaaaaaaay." his smile thinned into a barely-concealed deadpan. "Laughter. I wasn't expecting that."
Semiramis scarcely heard him as she doubled over to clutch at her stomach. Even had she done so, she would've continued to laugh despite his disbelief. Not a mad cackle of anger or despair as one might expect, but a high-pitched shriek of disbelief to mourn the loss of her sanity. How close she'd come to death just now! She'd glimpsed her end in those jaws; no matter how much Berserker might deny it, there had been a moment where she'd felt the cold touch of the reaper. There would be a reckoning for this. Whether said reckoning ended with heads on a spike or hands intertwined...
...that was anyone's game, wasn't it?
At this point she could no longer bring herself to care.
No, she'd come to accept that Berserker of Red simply couldn't be understood.
"Stop! Cease!" she cried through fits of mad giggling, flinging up her hands! "I yield! I yield! You have my word!"
"What just like that?" For the first time since they'd met Semiramis found herself treat to a rare sight; Berserker at a loss for words. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Hmmph!" Drawing herself up to her full, towering height, the oldest poisoner wiped away a mirthful tear and favored him with a demure look. "You'll have to figure that out yourself, dear. Do try not overheat your brain. You won't be of any use to me if your head explodes."
"That was a backhanded compliment! So, truce?"
Rather than debate the turn of phrase, the blond reluctantly helped her upright. Semiramis never took her eyes off him, not for a moment. Now that she knew he could become that...thing at will, she wasn't going to let him out of her sight. Still, it came as something of a surprise when he actually extended his hand to her in friendship. Spirits, he was actually serious about this. It almost made her feel guilty for what she was about to do.
Almost.
No, she wouldn't be satisfied with just killing him after this, she wanted to break him and make him hers to see that confidence shatter once she was finally able to bring her true power to bear. If he thought he could change her, he was more than welcome to try. She wouldn't let him sway her, and then, at the final moment, she'd show him utter despair.
How sweet it would be!
But for now, patience before poison.
After a moment's hesitation she seized his hand in hers and shook.
"Very well. I promise not to kill you...yet. Though I cannot speak for Lancer or Rider."
"Suppose that's the best I can get." the blond demurred with a shrug. "Looking forward to working with ya."
'And I you...for however long you're of use to me.'
What Naruto lacked in the art of warfare-that is to say his complete and utter lack of anything resembling a sound strategy-he more than made up for with sheer charisma. She'd witnessed that firsthand. Adversaries became allies, seemingly overnight. And through it all, that smile shone through. But were one to become his enemy perchance...if they refused his overtures of peace then they would be eradicated without mercy. His was the mindset of a noble ruler, a man who'd led others to victory and ground his foes underfoot. She understood that. Respected it even. Rulers were tyrants, beholden to no one but themselves. That made him dangerous.
Just what had led his legend to become so warped?
"Great! Now I hate to do this, but I'm gonna have to knock you out again." Naruto informed her primly, narrowly startling her out of her reverie. "Need to keep the secret base "secret" and all, ya know? Can't have your Master tracking me down and making trouble. I'll be in touch!"
Semiramis paled to the very roots of her hair.
"No, no, nononono!" she hissed, shrinking back from him. "Berserker, don't you dare-mmph?!"
"Shh, shh." a finger pressed against her mouth. "No tears. Only dreams now."
Through the haze that enveloped her, Assassin managed one final curse.
Then the sweet embrace of slumber drew her into waiting arms.
(...Presently...)
"You did what?!"
"Sorry~! I was just curious~!"
"And I'm curious how far my boot will go up your ass!"
"You'll never take me alive, Saber! Can't kill what ya can't catch!"
"HEY! SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP DOWN HERE! PUT A SOCK IN IT!"
"When the hell did you sneak off again, zombie?! I told you that bitch was bad news!"
"WILL THE TWO OF YOU SHUT UP ALREADY?! JUST GET A ROOM AND BANG FOR CRISSAKES!"
On that less than pleasant note, Ruler finally opened her eyes and surrendered to the light of day. Her body responded sluggishly at first-such were the pangs of possessing Laeticia's physical form rather than a true spirit one-and at first her hands furtively clamped down around her pillow, trying in vain to shut out the argument that had suddenly roared to life with Berserker's early return. Try as she might, the sweet song of slumber eluded her.
Truth be told she hadn't realized he'd slipped out again while she slept. Had she truly been that weary? Or perhaps-
"CLARENT-!"
"DO NOT! You'll bring the damn crypt down on our heads!"
Times like these, Jeanne almost wished she could dematerialize like the others.
The curious crunch of mortar meeting metal finally forced her to give up on that pipe dream.
This crypt in question was a touch cramped-especially when considered it played host to four servants and two masters-but this...
Theirs was a strange alliance; one formed by loose kinship and camaraderie rather than any real need for cooperation on their part. Heartening, yet concerning all the same. Should Berserker be removed from the scenario she suspected their little pact would soon fall to ruin. The man certainly had an...air about him, if not a way for words. A presence that drew one in, almost like-
"Incoming!"
Hunkered down against her bedroll she nearly missed the abrupt implosion of a nearby wall, punctuated by the scarlet-clad form of Berserker tumbling through it onto his back. Dappled with dust and debris he uttered a soft groan, but the moment he laid eyes upon her said moan morphed into a brimful laugh. Once more she had the strangest impression of a dog just waiting to be petted.
"Oh, there you are, Ruler." much to her chagrin, the whiskered warrior snapped off a faux salute from where he lay. "Sleep well? How's your leg?"
His words brought a fresh surge of heat to her cheeks for all the wrong reasons. Of course her eyes chose that moment to betray her, those aqua orbs idly drifting towards his lips. The same lips that had laid a kiss on her forehead only hours before-gah! Stop! Bad girl! Down, Jeanne, down!
"I have recovered adequately, thank you." coughing to hide her blush, she turned her face aside. "I take it your excursion wasn't well received by your allies?"
"Something like that." he grinned sheepishly in spite of the blood no-doubt rushing to his head. "If my Master hadn't given the go ahead, I wouldn't have bothered. Still, it all worked out in the end, anyway. Turns out that damn priest was the one who sent Lancer your way." those keen eyes didn't miss the stiffening of her shoulders, but neither did they acknowledge it. "At any rate Assassin of Red may or may not be an ally now...though I can't speak for Karna. Doesn't seem to have his head on straight, that one. Speaking of which, you're upside down, ya know."
This time, Ruler was unable to hide her smile.
"No, you're laying on your back."
The blond blinked rapidly.
"Huh. So I am!"
Arching his shoulders, Naruto snapped to his feet in a single fluid motion and alighted on the bedroll opposite her. Cocking his head aside, he regarded its still-slumbering occupant quietly. A marked hand rose and fell, smoothing silver tresses with infinite care, wary not to stir them from their sleep. Unbidden Jeanne's gaze followed his, only to stiffen when she realized what-who!-lurked in the room with them. The softest sigh graced her ears as the bed's occupant shifted, tucking their compact form against that arm, nuzzling his hand to their cheek.
"Didn't notice her, did you?" he rumbled knowingly. "That's presence concealment for ya. I don't think she even realizes she's doing it...
Something else flitted across Naruto's face and for a fleeting moment Jeanne caught a glimpse-just a glance-of his intentions.
She felt like an intruder witnessing an intimate moment between parent and child. Naked. Vulnerable.
Yes, there was still the matter of that child.
She hadn't even noticed her.
No, not a child.
Assassin.
An amalgamation of countless souls fused together in one physical body, Jack the Ripper wasn't at all who or what she'd expected when she arrived. Even now some small part of her refused to accept it. Tiny and petite with scarcely any clothes to speak of, the Assassin of Black seemed more a little lass than a hardened killer, a lost lamb in the war to come. Wherever Berserker went, she would follow after him like a lost puppy. When he left she would collapse into herself.
As if she couldn't bear to exist without him.
Now, with her face softened in sleep one could almost mistake her for a normal girl. Not Jeanne. She'd glimpsed her true face and the truth that came with it; this girl was both "night" and "day", killer, yet innocent. Should not those souls be released to the Lord's embrace? Was it not her duty? Did they not deserve peace? Was the entity known as "Jack" a false existence or a true one? She suspected any attempt to "save" the tormented spirits residing within young Jack would be met with open hostility by the rest of the Red faction.
There would always be some contention on that.
Moreover, Atalanta-that is to say Archer of Red-seemed keen on the little wisp of a girl. Protective, even. Nothing so overt as trailing Jack outright mind, but just enough to make that presence felt despite her absence. No doubt she was somewhere nearby, ready to intervene at a moment's notice. There would be more than tension there if she made any moves toward Jack; of that much Jeanne remained certain. No, she wouldn't lower her guard. Appearances could be deceiving and this was war after all. One could never tell when or where the tides would turn; whether allies would become enemy or adversaries turn to allies.
Even a little girl.
Still, Jeanne could not hold her tongue forever.
"You seem good with children, Berserker." the words felt forced and stilted coming from one such as her, but they pierced the fog between them nonetheless. "Did you have children in your past life?"
Soft laughter like velvet brushed across her ears.
"More than I could count." For his part Naruto offered a noncommittal hum as the young assassin nuzzled against his arm. "Remind me to tell you about Boruto and Himaware sometime. At first I really sucked at being a parent. By now I'm an old hand at this sort of thing. You know what they say; once a father, always a father."
On that much they agreed.
"I...have questions." she managed, "Concerning last night."
"About me or the battle?" he riposted.
"Both...I suppose."
"Fair enough." the blond's head bobbed in agreement, though his eyes never left Assassin's slumbering face. "Not too loudly now." At this he finally relented and took his hand from her head before rising slowly from the bed. "Wouldn't want to wake her now, would we?" Oh, to hell with it. She couldn't bring herself to harm that face.
...no, we wouldn't."
With great care, he claimed the empty space beside her and clasped his hands.
"Where would you like to start?"
So she did.
"Where do you hail from?" Jeanne inquired.
"Don't suppose you'd heard of the Elemental Nations?"
"I have not."
"Just like I haven't heard of France, eh?" the blond ribbed, elbowing her in the side. "That's to be expected, I suppose. After all its not everyday you get to converse with a saint. Never thought I'd be shooting the breeze with the Maiden of Orleans herself. I'm honored."
"Hweh?"
She most certainly did not utter that undignified squeak just now. No. Not at all.
"How did you-
-know who you were?" Naruto countered happily, poking her forehead with his free hand. "Its not hard to guess. Few qualify for the Ruler class to begin. You'd have to be a saint-which, surprise surprise, you are. The flag was a dead giveaway to begin with; you're a dead ringer for her. Seriously, if you're not Jeanne d'Arc I'll eat my boot here and now! Oui, oui mademoiselle!"
"That...that was a horrible accent." Jeanne palmed her face and groaned as the bed rocked beneath them. "I take back everything I said. You're horrible."
"I regret nothing." whiskered cheeks dimpled in a small smile. "Anything else you wanna ask?"
There it was again, that simple, frank boldness that confounded her so.
Did it have something to do with his Madness Enhancement?
"You're awfully forthcoming for a Heroic Spirit."
"Hmm." a clawed finger rose, idly tracing lazy circles on the sheets. "'Suppose I am. Wonder why that is? Maybe being summoned as a Berserker lowered my inhibitions this time around? Or perhaps that just came with living a long life? Guess I've always been chaotic good...
In spite of her best efforts Jeanne almost found herself returning his smile once more. There was a strange, unorthodox charm to Berseker of Red; it was part of the reason she'd accompanied him here despite her initial protests back at the road. For all his strength and sanity-or lack thereof-he genuinely wasn't interested in doing battle with her. Nor did he seem keen on fighting at all, really. His objective remained a mystery to her, one that seemed to grow more appealing the longer she spent in his presence.
So, why?
Why couldn't she bring herself to focus around him?
She certainly would not fight the Black Faction for this man, for her role must remain neutral in this war. It was her duty to observe and ensure events were conducted fairly. She had no side. But something was wrong with this war. Though she knew not what, she felt it on an instinctual level. Servants stealing Servants, banding together, attacking her out of the blue, even the baffling lack of Masters whose presence remained far too faint...on a fundamental level some key part of this war had gone amiss. If it meant she could meet the mysterious officiator behind the Red Faction, the very one who'd tried to silence her for reasons she didn't understand...
For that at least, she could be patient.
Someone, however, could not.
"BERSERKER!"
"Tch." Naruto clicked his tongue. "That didn't take long. Looks like Sisigou sold me out."
"Whatever do you mean by-
Before the Maiden of Orleans could pose that question a familiar armored figure stormed through the breach Naruto had made and locked an arm around his neck from behind. To his credit, the whiskered warrior did little more than squawk in surprise when the owner of said limb clamped down on him. With a series of harsh clanks the knight's helmet disassembled itself and crumpled to their shoulders, revealing the livid visage lurking within. Wild turquoise eyes bored down into his with frightful intensity, her lips parted in a half-snarl as she leaned over her prey
"So this is where you were hiding! Damn sneaky bastard!" Mordred growled, hauling him closer. "What do ya have to say for yourself?!"
...I plead the fifth?" he ventured weakly, raising his hands in feeble defense.
"DENIED!"
Ah. As expected of Saber of Red. No one else possessed lungs of such a high caliber. In another life Jeanne might have pitied the object of her wrath. As it stood she felt little empathy for the bedraggled blond at the moment. Why, you ask? Perhaps it had something to do with the shit-eating grin currently adorning his whiskered visage as he fled. Anyone capable of enduring Karna's onslaught had little to fear when faced with the Knight of Rebellion herself. Whatever he had done to offend her...well, he'd long since made his bed, now he would just have to sleep in it.
"Sooo...is there any way I can convince you not to strangle me?"
What followed...did not quite meet Ruler's expectations.
"Food!"
Both blondes blinked.
...wanna run that by me again?" Naruto croaked.
"You! Are! Taking! Me! Out! For! Food!" the proud warrior repeated, emphatically jabbing a finger against his collarbone with each word. "Clothes, too! I'm sick of waltzing around in my armor and that damn necromancer won't get out of bed! So you're it!"
Her declaration finally reactivated Naruto, causing him to bat her prying hands aside.
"Ha?!" Growling, the whiskered warrior straightened up, fixing her with a disbelieving look. "What the hell, Saber?! You can do that shit yourself! Why do ya need me?! I need to draw up plans for the attack with Archer. Just go grab some takeout or something!"
For a terrifying moment she almost thought the two would come to blows.
Once more, her expectations found themselves violently usurped.
Mordred's lower lip trembled, just so.
And then, quite suddenly:
"Its boring alone!"
"Ha?!"
To her complete and utter disbelief, Saber actually released Berserker and flung herself to the floor in a heap of flailing limbs. At first Ruler feared an attack, but none came. No sooner had she landed than she began to thrash about the room as an unruly child might, rolling to and fro like a broken top. Jeanne had never seen a knight throw a tantrum before. Indeed, Mordred showed no signs of stopping. This. This was the legendary Knight of Rebellion. The great betrayer who had torn the Round Table apart from the inside and aspired to steal that great throne. Under any other circumstance it would've been downright comical.
First time for everything, she supposed.
Evidently Naruto felt the same-because he flung up his hands and gave a great shout of his own.
"Fine, fine! Whatever you say, your majesty! I'll take you out! Just stop!"
Mordred stiffened.
It was like flipping a switch; in a heartbeat the unruly Servant of Red surged back to her feet and rammed her forehead against that of Naruto's. Any hint of that recalcitrant girl she'd been mere moments before vanished, replaced by a strange, burning curiosity. She didn't attack, didn't speak, didn't move. Jeanne wasn't even sure she was breathing beneath all that armor. She'd gone deathly still, quiet as the grave, with no hint as to what had brought on this sudden change in behavior. Was that a blush adorning her cheeks? No, surely she must be imagining it.
Pressing herself yet closer to Berserker, the warrior murmured softly:
"Oi. Zombie. What was that bit you shouted at me, there?"
"Just stop?" Naruto tilted his head, baffled.
"No, idiot! Before that!" she snapped!
...uh, your majesty?" A blink.
"Say it again."
"Seriously?" A blond brow rose in mild consternation. "This have something to do with your wish for the Grail, or...?"
With that, whatever strange spell had fallen over the Knight of Rebellion ended as abruptly as it had begun; all at once her tan visage blazed an alarming shade of crimson. Sense reasserted itself, to the dirge of the knight's own tattered emotions. Her mouth worked wordlessly as shame and embarassment waged a war for her body alongside pride. Eventually the latter won out. Crying out, Mordred reared back and smashed her forehead against his in a devastating headbutt, sending her fellow blond reeling back half a step. Eyes rolling in his head like mad marbles, Berserker staggered away in a daze.
"What is it with you people and headbutting me?!" he groaned.
"Its nothing! C'mon, we're going!"
"But I promised Atalanta-
"Tch, fine! Bring her!"
"Sure, just let me tell my Maaaaaaster?!" his reply ended in a pained yelp when his fellow Servant planted a palm against his back and shoved, forcing him away ahead of her. "Hey! Stop pulling! What's the rush?!" In no time at all she'd viciously frog-marched Berserker back through the hole in the wall with all the mercy of a drill sergeant. Struggling against his fellow blond, the cloaked warrior managed to dig his heels in and get an arm loose enough to sketch an awkward wave in Ruler's direction.
"What about Jeanne-
Mordred absolutely hissed.
"So you're calling her Jeanne, now?!"
In hindsight, Naruto really should've kept his mouth shut. Or denied it, at the very least. He wouldn't of course; Jeanne knew enough about her fellow blond by now to know he wouldn't pass up an opportunity to tease someone; least of all an ally. Rather, he couldn't. It was simply in his nature. Now, under any other circumstance he might have escaped with his hide intact. As it stood, this time, he pushed just a little too far. Perhaps that had been his intent all along. Perhaps not. Regardless of the fact, the results that followed were nothing short of spectacular.
"Hoho? Is someone jealous, Mordred-chan? Its sounds like-UGACH?!"
The cause of the blond's sudden shout soon became apparent with the twang of a bowstring.
"Oh dear." Archer of Red's-Atalanta, Ruler ruthlessly reminded herself-voice hailed from a nearby passageway. Moment's latter the Servant in question appeared, bow in hand. Weapon aside, that stony gaze would've sent a lesser man shrieking for the hills. "I appear to have shot you in the knee by mistake, Berserker. Forgive me. I was aiming for your foot."
"Th-That...that was on purpose, damnit!" said Berserker groaned. "What is WRONG with you?! Where did you even come from?! I've done nothing to deserve this!" Ruler didn't see the second arrow, but Naruto certainly felt it if his yelp was any indication. Did it sound a touch forced? Perhaps. She'd witnessed his inhuman endurance for herself; surely something like a few arrows wouldn't cause him any real pain. If Atalanta suspected any such thing, she did precious little to show it.
"A pointless question. Shall we go then? the archer-in-question hummed. "I believe he made each of us a promise."
Jeanne had never heard Mordred-or anyone-laugh like that before. Now she never wanted to again.
"He did, didn't he!" she crowed. "You're not so bad after all, Archer!"
"I try. Now then, Berserker, I hope you'd prepared yourself."
"Ruler!" Naruto wailed!" Saaaaaaaaaaave me~!"
'No, I think not.'
Jeanne was almost tempted to argue that point and come to his defense; but with Archer's arrival she simply didn't have it in her to belabor this madness any longer. Remarkably, Assassin had slept through the blonde's tirade somehow, her sleep unscathed despite the chaos that both Saber and Berserker had brought with them. Jeanne almost envied her that. Would that she could sleep like the dead! Suddenly the idea of going back to bed seemed infinitely more appealing than suffering through the rest of this morning insanity, Assassin or no. She'd thought herself prepared for the chaos of this war. Clearly, she'd been wrong.
At the last Jeanne risked one final glance at the now-captive Naruto to make certain as he was dragged/marched towards his inevitable doom.
In that moment the whiskered warrior caught her eye, unbeknownst to his captors. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, he winked.
Baffled by this sudden display, the saint could only blink. Realization struck a hammer blow not a heartbeat later.
That bastard. He was playing the fool after all, solely for the sake of getting Saber and Archer to bond. It seemed so unlikely that neither would give it any thought; rather they would chalk it up to Berserker simply being his usual foolish self. They'd never realize he had deliberately orchestrated these events solely for the sake of drawing them closer to one another. That...that was actually a little frightening now that Ruler truly gave the matter thought. It meant Berserker knew more than she gave him credit for. Far more. Yet again she found herself forced to revise her opinion of what seemed like a harmless jester.
Anyone foolish enough to face him head-on in the war to come would be in for a rude awakening.
In the end, the Maiden of Orleans' response proved decidedly un-saintlike.
"Well! I am not nearly awake enough to deal with this shit."
Within moments, she'd buried her head in a pillow.
Sleep found her shortly thereafter.
A/N: TIIIIIIIIIIRED!
I'm absolutely drained from writing this; especially considering this chapter almost wound up being entirely devoted to Semiramis. In the end, I couldn't bear to let her have all the limelight, so here we are, with more hijinks and battles ahead. Atalanta gets her chance to shine next chapter. It'll be a bit of everything, with FAR more action than we've seen up until now.
There we go.
Furthermore, the hint has been dropped and now we might well have a third faction in this war if things continue as they are, but that depends on YOU dear reader. Tell me what you think! I think the Blue Faction has a nice ring to it *cough*yup*cough*
Consider this an early Halloween present. And if you don't celebrate that, well, then a Winter present!
Naruto's made a "deal" with Semiramis, in short, by gaining her respect. Its hinted that his Noble Phantasm is an absolute MONSTER to deal with, which has a great deal to do with his legend being warped. Ought to be obvious, no?
Gonna say it now, Semiramis is the best tsundere.
They'll meet again.
Yes, ALL the previews you've seen are coming, just not quite yet. I didn't want to squeeze too much into this chapter, you know? Ah, this was a treat to write! Semiramis and the others each had their time to shine, and we've got the beginnings of a harem starting to form.
So In the Immortal Words of Atlas...
...Review...Would You Kindly?
And enjoy the previewssss!
Care to guess what I'm thinking?
TELL ME WHICH ONES YOU LIKE AND WHY~!
(Potential Previews)
"I fail to see the purpose of this...outfit."
"Really? Looks kinda fetching on you."
THUNK.
"What'd I do?! I only said that side of you was cute-
A trio of arrows thudded home beside his ear before he could finish.
"Well, shit." the blond gulped out. Don't suppose you'd accept an apology?"
Atalanta knocked a quartet of fresh arrows to her supple bowstring and drew back.
"I'm going to give you a five second head-start, Naruto." she warned. "I suggest you take it."
Honestly, if she hadn't been smiling he would've thought she genuinely intended to kill him! Crazy woman!
"Hey, Caster."
Shakespeare swallowed thickly.
"N-Now, I know what you're thinking. Should I throw him? Well the answer might-
"HAVE A NICE FLIGHT!"
"The grail did what now?!"
"What the hell, zombie?! What did you do?!"
"Oi! Don't give me that look! I didn't touch anything, I swear!"
"Oh fuck me! You're telling THAT'S their Saber?!"
When Atalanta turned she found a vacant pocket of air where Berserker had once stood. In the distance she spied his red cloak, rapidly retreating.
"NOPE!"
"Coward!"
"CHARGE!"
"Jackie, watch the kid. If he tries to bolt, stick him in the leg."
With that, Sieg opened his eyes.
"Where...?
"You think you're being cute?!"
"To quote a proud man...bitch, I'm adorable."
"From one monster to another...
A crimson hand shot up, caging the lance in that clawed palm.
...you're fighting for the wrong side. Legends are what we make of them!"
R&R~!
