This chapter contains the single most unlikely event in this story.

(XX)

"You know, this is not what I expected." Izuku said. That was probably a big understatement but Izuku honestly wasn't sure of what else to say.

"Oh, come on, this isn't that weird." Miruko replied. Izuku just stared at her. "Alright, maybe it isn't that normal for a Hero-in-Training to get invited to host a conference in which he will explain to the entirety of Japan's Hero population that somehow he discovered a plan to sell Quirk-destroying drugs created by doing human experimentation on what is, according to the testing, a female child around the age of six, but it will be ok."

"Will it?"

"I mean, what could possibly-" Izuku slammed his hand on Miruko's mouth, "Mmmph?"

"S-Sorry!" He immediately let go, "Just… Don't say that, please. Things get weird when someone says that?"

"… Midoriya, I'm only going to let that slide because it was gutsy, got that?"

"Yes ma'am." He heard a chuckle from his left. "Why are you laughing, Tsutsumi?"

"I was just thinking that you remind me a lot of… a certain person I know." She said with a smirk, "Either way, boss, me and Miruko will be watching, but the HPSC has been clear, you do the presentation."

"Alone…"

"Actually, they called a co-speaker." Miruko said, "They want to show you off, of course, but they also want to present this new master detective guy that seems to keep finding clues about stuff no one else can."

"Oh, cool! Does he have some investigation-type Quirk?"

"Not that I know. Nah, he is just that good. Sources in the Villain population that are willing to give up stuff. Crust says he even has international detectives and retired vigilantes on his paycheck."

"Sounds great! Maybe he will give me an autograph."

"Focus Midoriya. And don't worry too much, the Heroes have already been debriefed, this is more a publicity stunt than anything. There are some photographers in the crowd and they are going to take pictures, but no journalists and no television."

"You know, doesn't this paint the Heroes as ineffective if a first-year has to come in and do a conference?" Izuku asked, "Couldn't they ask All Might or Endeavor to do it?"

"All Might said something about being very proud of you." Tsutsumi replied, and Izuku felt a smile explode on his face. All Might was proud of him…

"And Endeavor said something about 'Family betrayal' and refused to even be present." Miruko finished, "So yeah, go get them, tiger. Tsutsumi and I will do a drinking game based on your speech so you better deliver."

Izuku was unceremoniously pushed on the stage. As he emerged, the lights focused on him, and he stared at the crowd. Oh god, how had he even ended up here?

-x-

"Morning Midoriya. I hear you kept yourself busy yesterday." Miruko said as Izuku stepped out of UA and entered in her car.

"Yeah, I… Did some investigating, right? I wanted to show some results, and…"

"Hey, it's alright, I like the attitude. Especially when it means I get to kick in someone's skull." She said, "Buuuut you might have overdone it a bit."

"It wasn't really my intention…"

"Ah! Don't worry, you did a fantastic job. Why, Nighteye has been chewing Eraserhead's ear all day for not introducing him sooner to such a gifted investigator."

"Oh god, Professor Aizawa will be so annoyed…"

"And he has been going on about how you should team up with his Intern. Keeping him close. Very close. For some reason he specified, 'At the distance that ensures they are close enough if one of them is ever shot dead'. Geez, talk about worrying."

"Ahah, yeah, definitely just worried for me… So, what now?"

"We are going to Tokyo. You are hosting a conference."

"Wait what?"

"Sup bitcheeees!" Tsutsumi shouted, entering in the back of the car.

"Tsutsumi?"

"In flesh, bone and a dangerous amount of alcohol." Tsutsumi replied, "The bossrat says he wants me to accompany you."

"Why?"

"He said something like 'give the impression UA cares about its students well-being'."

"Impression?" Izuku paused, "Nevermind that, why are you drunk?"

"First of all, I'm not drunk Midoriya. When I'm drunk, and you have seen that, I usually somersault over the couch and aim my gun precisely at the target-"

"… That's not how I remember that." Midoriya replied.

"-But no, today I'm tipsy."

"Why are you tipsy?!"

"Because I need to deal with about 250 Pro Heroes that are going to come watch your speech, and I don't want to do that completely sober."

"250 what?!"

"Oh my god I love this." Miruko said, "Your life is amazing Midoriya."

Midoriya had to resist the urge of flipping off the Number Six. Maybe she was influencing him a bit too much recently.

-x-

Alright so maybe that hadn't been the longest story, considering over half his recollection was spent focusing on Nagant being 'tipsy' – she was recovering now, thankfully – but still, why was he there?! Why were over two hundred Heroes staring at him.

Midoriya did the only thing he could do.

He waved and saluted.

"Hi." He said, managing to not stutter. Great start, Midoriya. "My name is Izoriya Miduku." He continued, 'Dammit.' "I-I mean, Izuku Midoriya. B-But feel free to call me Valiant, if you prefer." Was he supposed to say that? Or did he go with the opposite.

The Heroes were looking at him with curiosity. He focused. What did Miruko say about public speaking? Nothing, of course, she was Miruko, her idea of public speaking was flipping off the interviewers or challenging the people talking to her to a fight. Or both. Ok, uuuuh, what did Masuchan say?

'Imagine them in their underwear Midoriya.' He nodded mentally and tried that. Ryukyu was in the first line of chairs, Mandalay in the second. 'Abort mission! Abort!' He shouted mentally.

"So… I'm sorry, they kind of dropped this on me?" He smiled, hoping it looked less like a 'Oh god no kill me now' and more like a 'All Might trying to cheer up someone that felt sad'. "But I'm sure you already know the case. It's been all over the Hero Network. Actually, I'm surprised they even needed to set this up. We could have just done a video conference, thinking about it." He shrugged, "Well, anyway, uhm, I'm supposed to have a co-speaker." 'Please be someone I know so I know what to expect.'

The co-speaker walked on the stage. Once again, the monkey's paw curled all fingers leaving up only the middle one.

-x-

5 minutes earlier…

"Why do I have to be here?!" Tomura Shigaraki, currently in his Togaraki persona, shouted.

"Because you had no way to say no." Hina replied, fixing his hair one last time, "Now stop complaining." She added as she slammed the sunglasses on his forehead, fixing them in place.

"I will complain all I want."

"Sure, if you want me to keep calling you a whiny bitch." Hina replied, before moving on to fix his clothes. Shigaraki hated her so much. Why couldn't she be Beros?

"Hina's attitude aside," Compress added, "You have to do this because you are the Hero that has been feeding so much information on the Hassaikai to Valiant, who in turn has been feeding it to the entire Hero community."

"So this is again Midoriya and Himiko's fault." Shigaraki replied, "I could be out there being myself with the others right now."

"Yeah, everyone in the gang will sorely miss Handjob, I'm sure they can't wait." Hina replied, "There, all done."

"You do know I can dust you right now, right?"

"Bitch you need me. If it wasn't for me you would still be wearing a black shirt, black pants, and some severed hands and acting like that's the height of Villain fashion." The woman replied. Shigaraki gritted his teeth.

"Either way, the HPSC wants you to hold the conference with Midoriya, so there is no way out of it. Just smile, wave, and pretend you want to be there."

Tomura groaned as Hina pushed him outside and toward the stage. Fucking Valiant making his life harder. If Himiko hadn't ordered him to send Midoriya all the stuff his less legal contacts had put together so the source would seem legit, he could have been running his masterplan right now.

Instead, he had to leave someone else to take care of it.

-x-

"Alright…" Rody read carefully, "Greedy Gaping Jaw, Invisible Wall, Oxy-Man, you are on Takoba. Portal Five. Your job is to kill a Hero or put him out of the job, and come back."

"Yes sir." The three said, walking through the portal Kurogiri opened.

"What am I doing with my life…" Rody wondered. Here he was, sending people through a portal so they could go maim and kill Heroes, rob banks, or cause chaos and mayhem.

And the worst part was…

"Can we go too?!" Lala asked.

"Yeah, we want to purge the Heroes too!" Roro added. Both kids nodded excitedly. Rody slowly turned toward Stain.

"What?"

"Did you spend more time with them when I specifically told you to stay away from my siblings?"

"… No?" Stain said, looking away.

"Yes he did." Kurogiri whispered in his ear, leaning close, "I believe his exact words were 'Nobody tells me I can't teach kids about the sanctity of my mission'."

"Et tu, Kurogiri…" Stain said. Rody sighed, ignoring the fact Lala and Roro were now singing "All for One, powerful he, our Lord and savior" – Goddammit Beros – and decided to just move on. On his shoulder, Pino patted him sympathetically.

"Next, Spinner."

"Yes?! What job did the great Handjob give to me?! What shall I do to prove I truly understand his mission-"

"Go check the body cameras the groups are wearing. If they get taken out call us so we can send someone to save them."

"Oh, man…" Spinner said, instantly deflating, "Not the job I wanted…"

'I feel you there buddy…'

-x-

Izuku just stared at Togaraki as he walked on the stage next to him and waved at the crowd, smiling, winging and even doing finger guns. Why were the Heroes smiling?! How did no one recognize Handjob?!

"Hello everyone!" Togaraki said, "So, I'm sure we all want this to be over quickly, so let's start talking, alright?"

'Nevermind, I forget he somehow becomes another person when he is in character.' Izuku would have been impressed if he wasn't ninety percent sure Tomura would have explained his change in behavior as 'changing his stats to rise Charisma' or something like that. Izuku couldn't relate, he wasn't that good at pretending to be someone else.

"Right. So To- Togaraki," he corrected himself a second before slipping up, "I think you should do the introduction."

"No, no, Valiant, you go first, I insist."

Izuku sighed, and he was sure the smile Tomura was sending him was more of a grin. Fine then. He supposed he could channel a Hero to feel more believable. He waited a moment, and then adopted Hawks calme pose"Alright. So, here is what we know of the Shie Hassaikai. They are a gang based all over Japan, but their central base, right now, is in Tokyo."

"Actually, they moved to Kyoto yesterday." Togaraki replied, "My sources said so."

"What are your sources?"

"My sources are that I made it the fuck up." Tomura replied. Several people in the crowd laughed. Thank you, internet, for letting so many twenty-first centuries meme survive to this day, those were clearly a priority to save in the Dark Age of Quirks.

"Did you?" Izuku asked.

"No, I got the information from a person that is very, very close to the League, though of course they have to remain anonymous." He explained, while sending a very meaningful look at Midoriya.

Izuku decided to not raise to the bait. "Thank you, Togaraki. So, Kyoto then. Either way, with all the bases they have, they are guaranteed to always be on the move. They are also likely aware of the fact they have been discovered, as the Kyoto move proves."

"How?" A Hero from the crowd asked, that Izuku recognized a Slidin' Go.

Togaraki smiled, "Maybe there is a secret group of Heroes that sides with criminal or otherwise illegal organizations, and one of them fed the information back to the Hassaikai." He winked at Slidin' Go, "You don't know anything about it, right?"

After a second of silence, Tomura started laughing, and several Heroes followed. Slidin' Go was laughing at a particularly high pitch, weirdly. Izuku put that aside for the moment and intervened. "More seriously, the slip up was probably just due to one of the sources informing the Shie Hassaikai of it. We can't know which." He glared at Tomura, who just smiled innocently. Ass.

"Either way, you already have the full list of Quirks and individuals involved in the Hassaikai. We assume some more might intervene, but since the League of Villains has already been recruiting, and has caused a riot that led to the arrest of most minor independent Villains, they will probably have to scrap the bottom of the barrel. They are also unlikely to side with the League of Villains."

"Why?" Someone else in the crowd – Crust, actually – asked.

"The League of Villains' is an ideological gang. They believe in a cause, and aren't interested in money."

"What's the cause?" Someone else asked.

"That Heroes are trash. If Handjob was here right now, he would say you – I mean we – are all a mass of blind idiots that couldn't catch him if he stood in plain sight on this very stage and started waving with both arms like this." Shigaraki started waving said arms, and everyone laughed again. He laughed too sending a meaningful look at Izuku. He really wanted to pinch the bridge of his nose right now. Or punch him.

'Jeez, I've been really spending a lot of time with Miruko.' "Either way, the League is unlikely to side with him, if everything Togaraki said is correct. Overhaul's plan, according to the information we collected, is to sell the Quirk-destroying drug to the Villains, and a Quirk restoring drug to the Heroes, and thus make money since he holds the only source."

"Which is a child, in case anyone forgot." Togaraki interjected, "This bastard took a child and used her to farm parts." The crowd erupted in a chorus of angry expletives at the reminder.

"Didn't expect you to care." Izuku muttered, keeping his mouth away from the microphone.

"I just fucking hate it when someone abuses children." He replied in the same tone, "I only kill children in videogames that allow it."

"You tried to kill us."

"You are teenagers, the state thinks you are old enough to train as child soldiers, I think you are old enough to train as Villain victims." He replied, before raising his voice again, "Yes, yes, terrible. So, the HPSC should have sent you the documents to participate in this raid. Of course, the majority of you will go back to your home cities and just capture the hideouts of the Hassaikai we have mapped…"

"But we will form a task force of Heroes that will attack the main base, with the objective of saving the child and capturing Overhaul." Valiant concluded, "Of course Miruko will be part of it, as will Sir Nighteye and his agency, that had been investigating the situation way before anyone else." He looked for All Might's sidekick. For some reason he was ugly crying and giving him a thumbs up. Weird. "The remaining Heroes will be chosen based on Quirk compatibility with the Hassaikai members. Normally we would be somewhat limited, but since so many people are volunteering, we really can just form the best strike team. Moreover, we can also reinforce the police's external ring."

Togaraki's phone suddenly rang. He coughed, "Sorry, one second." He pulled out his phone and checked. He made a very, very neutral expression. Then, he looked up at the crowd. "So, by the way, I should tell you the League is attacking. You probably need to take care of that, especially if you work in Musutafu, Shizuoka, Kyoto, Osaka or Kagoshima. They aren't hitting here in Tokyo though."

"What?!" Izuku shouted.

"What?!" The crowd shouted.

"Yes, I think you should go…" Tomura replied. There was a general scramble for the exit, while the various Heroes looked for each other.

"Has anyone seen Pixie-Bob?!" Someone shouted.

"Who is the closest portal user?!" Another asked.

"Dammit, we are stuck here!"

"Call your Agencies to check on them!"

Izuku sighed. Well, he supposed that didn't go too badly, except for the end.

"Well that went great. Especially the end." Tomura said.

Miruko's influence on Izuku was pretty strong given how much he wanted to kick Tomura's ass right now. He shook his head and just walked off the stage. Weirdly, Miruko and Nagant were nowhere to be seen. Oh right, the drinking game, they were probably waiting for him in the changing room.

-x-

Tomura opened the door of the changing room and was subjected to a sight of abject horror, disgust and awfulness, plus a whole list of other adjectives he was too traumatized to properly conclude.

Specifically, Compress was about to get laid with that blonde female Hero with cat ears he had spotted in the crowd when he had first arrived and then had not seen at the meeting, parts of their clothes all over the ground, though not enough to actually let him see some tiddies or, heavens forbid, Compress' package. God was merciful sometimes.

Luckily, Tomura could handle such a situation easily, thanks to his expert training. Specifically, his awareness that if he had any belief that this worked anything like any element of his collection, in which given his lack of interest in the woman he would have likely been supposed to 'join the fun', he was better off giving up, going outside and, in the words of the wise anon that had explained that to a young and impressionable Tomura, 'touch grass'.

He wasn't sure what 'touching grass' provided to the equation, and really wished he had a way to bleach his eyes instead, but he decided to follow the suggestion, because he would take any excuse to get out of the situation.

Therefore, he promptly shouted, "Gah, my eyes! Fuck!" and then slammed the door shut before rushing outside. Judging by the thumping sounds, he had been promptly ignored.

Somehow, Tomura knew this was Midoriya's fault. Also, where the fuck was Hina?

-x-

A collective chill ran down the spine of every member of the League at that moment. Something momentous was happening, something that would change the world as they knew it forever. Was it a distant tell of future changes? Was it an omen?

Was it…

-x-

Izuku smiled as he walked into the room to check for his mentor and his bodyguard. "Are you winning, Tsutsu- WHAT?!"

Izuku had to do a double take, given that currently Tsutsumi and Miruko were in the middle of going to town. Still mostly clothed, mercifully, their mouths were mashed together doing things that frankly Izuku wasn't sure were physically possible, their clothes were starting the process of being removed – only starting, a very unhelpful part of Izuku's brain commented, before it was unceremoniously taken to the chopping block to be summarily executed by the Himiko Loyalty Brain Police. 'Thank you for your service, brave neurons, keep protecting my mind from those thoughts.' – and what was even more confusing was the short woman with brown hair mashed between them looking like she was in heaven. Good for her.

-x-

Oh my god, it was Hina finally getting some.

-x-

Unfortunately, Izuku's entrance had been a bit too loud, and the three women all turned to stare at him at once. They blinked. Izuku blinked.

And then he said the first thing that came to mind.

"How?"

Miruko coughed in her fist. "Well, it's a long story."

-x-

"He spoke another full sentence without stammering, drink!" Tsutsumi shouted. They both downed another round.

"He is doing great." Miruko said.

"Yeah."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Sooo, I've been in kind of a dry spell called Tartarus, want to help me get over it? I'm into men usually but you are really worth the exception. Just for one time, you know?"

"I was thinking exactly the same, except for the Tartarus part. I thought you'd never ask." The rabbit woman growled.

-x-

Izuku stared at them again.

They stared back.

"… Alright, so maybe the story wasn't that long." Tsutsumi admitted.

"… What about her?" Izuku asked, pointing at the girl who was basically hissing at him to make him leave. Fair, he probably would do the same if he was in the same place – Nope, nope, kill him Himiko Loyalty Brain Police, kill the stray thought before he can run away! – but she looked familiar.

Miruko coughed in her fist.

"… Well…"

-x-

The door to the changing room opened as Hina walked in the room. "So, I'm here just to ask a few questions and- Holy shit."

-x-

"… I feel like there is a piece missing in that explanation." Izuku replied.

"That part isn't really T-rated kid. We are already pushing it and only because everyone is still mostly clothed. And because we are all adults, even this author has standards." Hina said, before growling, "Though I do hope he gets into s. eventually. Maybe soon." Miruko and Tsutsumi both cackled.

"… What?"

"I said get the fuck out!"

"Yes ma'am!" Izuku replied, closing the door behind and sighing. He supposed he might as well get some fresh air.

And so it was that Izuku walked out of the building, only to stumble in Tomura Shigaraki. Why the man was holding what seemed to be a fistful of grass taken from a nearby flower bed, Izuku didn't know.

"Tomura?" He asked.

Shigaraki turned, "The fuck are you doing here?"

"Miruko, Tsutsumi and a girl I don't know are… having fun." Izuku replied, before realizing that maybe he shouldn't have told him that.

"Short with brown hair?" Tomura asked.

"Yes, why?"

"Oh god, it's the end of the world, Hina is getting laid." Tomura said, "I need to touch more grass!"

"What..." He shook his head, "What are you doing here Tomura?"

"First, call me Togaraki here, Midoriya. Second, I'm currently trying to forget I found one of my henchmen railing a Pro Hero in my changing room."

Izuku archived that in the 'why am I cursed with this knowledge' folder of his brain, a difficult task given the amount of stuff in that folder, and pushed on. "So… I guess I want to ask… Why the attacks tonight?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Damn. Was worth a shot, though, right?"

"Sure, why not. If there is a dialogue box that looks useful, better check it, right?" Tomura replied, sitting down after he was finally satisfied with the amount of grass touched. "Wait, no, you probably don't play games, I bet you don't even get that."

"Hey, I play a lot of games. I'll have you know, I got a platinum in every game of the All Might: Showdown series."

"No fucking way." Tomura replied, "Showdown IV has a bug that never got fixed that…"

"Blocks you out of the achievement? I found an exploit that lets you get past the Brutality softlock and complete that one." He smiled, "Anything for my All Might collection."

"Bullshit, why didn't I find it anywhere online if-" He gasped, realization suddenly hitting, "You kept it to yourself! You locked millions of players out of completing the game in full just so you could be the only person with the Platinum!"

"… It's an exclusive collection item…"

"You fiend!"

"Didn't you just send a bunch of Villains out to attack Japan?" Izuku asked.

"Don't bring up job, what you just did is a lot worse than maybe hurting a few Heroes!" Tomura said, "Your evil is without end, Midoriya. Now I understand what kind of monsters the Green Valley Clan is ruled by. So that's why father is so afraid of you."

"… Yes Tomura, your father is afraid of the Green Valley Clan because we hide the secret on how to one hundred percent games." Izuku said.

"I knew it! You probably also know how to complete Heroes of the Multiverse 3: The Tale of Lady Cathleena Batavi." He said.

Izuku really wished he could say no right now. Damn him and his completionism. As Tomura went on a rant about why he was the lowest Villain in Japan's history, while he knew that just out of his reach some other cities were being attacked by the League, Izuku considered what he was supposed to do. He couldn't capture Tomura, both because of what that would do to the League and the Green Valley Clan and because he couldn't prove he was Handjob. He couldn't reach the other cities in time - the few warpers in Tokyo with a license were probably swamped with Heroes right now - and by the time he got there in a normal way they would be gone. He supposed that sometimes there was nothing a Hero could do. Even All Might couldn't be everywhere in Japan at once.

He sighed, leaned back, and wondered if there was anyone that was having a more difficult night.

-x-

'Fucking send help.' Katsuki muttered, sitting between Yaoyorozu and Tsuyu, with Ears sitting on the other side of the raven-haired girl. In front of him was an Ashido with the widest grin he had ever seen on her face and an almost apologetic Kirishima. Almost. 'How did I get dragged into this?' He wondered.

Yaoyorozu and Tsuyu both moved a bit, getting closer.

'Oh, right, fucking crushes and their fucking influence on my fucking life, fuck!'

Ashido had showed up out of nowhere, along with Kirishima and suddenly had told him they should celebrate their transfer to the dorms by going out for dinner. He hadn't followed the logic at the time, but he had decided to agree, when they had mentioned it was to help with his problem. He figured they meant the 'Deku is dating a serial killer and no it's not jealousy I'm not into boys, especially fucking Deku!' problem, but instead it was the other problem.

"Are you undecided on the next meal?" Yaoyorozu asked, getting him out of his thoughts. "I suggest this one, then." She tapped on one of the items in the menu, some spicy fish food Katsuki had never tried – a rarity, given his tastes – but looked nice.

"I think this one would fit." Tsuyu replied, her tongue pointing at another item, this one a spicy meat.

"So, what will you take?" Yaoyorozu and Tsuyu asked.

"Any distraction right now." He muttered.

Someone kicked the door in. "Hands up, this is a robbery!" A guy with a chameleon Quirk mutation shouted.

"Oh, thank god." Katsuki said. Anything to make the mood less awkward.

(XX)

The hardest question in this chapter was "Do I let Hina get laid like planned, or do how I throw a wrench in the plan?"
Ultimately I went for the latter because it's funnier long term, for a lot of different reasons. You think 'Hina during a dry spell' is unhinged? Oh you have no idea.
And meanwhile Compress proves he was telling the truth when he told Dabi he has some charm. Then again, this is Pixie-Bob, that probably wasn't as difficult as one might expect.

Besides that, I used this chapter to establish how the Hassaikai raid will work. Besides Nighteye's team, as mentioned this chapter, expect a completely different roster (naturally, given Kirishima, Uraraka and Tsuyu also won't be involved) and to begin advancing a certain romance that has been waiting for a while. Hope you are ready for some battle for a young maiden's heart.
The young maiden is Bakugo, of course.