Story 2: Cat and Mouse

A man goes back in time and kills his father. His father now dead, that man cannot possibly be born. But if he was never born, who killed his father? No one. The father would have never died, and the son is consequently born. The endless cycle repeats.

Welcome back, students of the timelines. I am Mr. Mondragon, an AI tasked with preserving and understanding the entire world history of the people of Earth throughout all of time. I will be your guide as we consider the events and ponder the possibilities surrounding the American Crisis of 2049. Together, we will marvel at mysteries and wonders, we will cheer for beloved heroes, and we will learn of forgotten sacrifices. There are many stories still waiting to be told. These are the stories from another time.


Washington, D.C.
July 20, 2049

Gunshots. Their cracking, earsplitting pops sent the crowds scattering, screaming, fleeing in terror in the shimmering sun-baked streets. Bodies everywhere. Moving in every direction. Chaos and fear reigned.

Amidst it all, the assassin, a member of the Conspirium, lay dead, having turned his weapon upon himself after completing his mission.

Amidst it all, the time police, having arrived at this moment to catch the assailant from the future, having failed, made ready their time machine to go back in time and try again in order to prevent the tragedy.

Amidst it all, the reconnaissance agents who witnessed the shooting in multiple timelines determined the location of the shooter and informed their superiors, giving the time police the necessary information to change the future back to the correct timeline.

Amidst it all, the victim, the Conspirium's target, also lay dead. The victim's identity: PJ the platypus.


Washington, D.C.
July 20, 2049

Just like that, none of it ever happened.

PJ the platypus never knew he had almost died. When he saw the temporal control officers pop into existence all around him, he curiously looked on as they tackled some criminal the moment before his crime. This sort of thing happened all the time, after all. It was just a normal Tuesday. It wasn't until the suspect was pressed down on the ground, having handcuffs applied, that PJ's curiosity got the better of him.

His hunch spurring him forward, he approached the scene, flashing his badge to the time cops. "My name is PJ the platypus," he quickly explained. "I work for the Department of Homeland Security. Who is this person?"

"Just a shooter," answered one of the cops. "Don't worry, we have the situation under control."

"May I get a moment with the suspect?" PJ pressed.

"Sir, this is a time police affair. With all due respect, this is outside your jurisdiction, and your assistance is unneeded."

"Not if he's from the Conspirium," PJ said, brushing past the officer without permission.

"Hey, stop! You can't do that!"

PJ ignored him. "Who sent you?" he directed toward the handcuffed assailant. The man looked up when he heard the platypus' voice. "Was it the Conspirium? Where is Suzy Johnson?"

"Mission is a failure, requesting temporal extraction," the suspect responded, though PJ immediately knew he wasn't talking to him. PJ reached out and found an earpiece inserted in the man's ear.

"Who is this?" he barked into the device.

Without warning, the communicator in his hand popped out of existence. "Huh?" reacted PJ, stupefied. He looked down, and immediately, the same thing happened to the shooter. He vanished from existence with a pop.

Just like that, none of it ever happened.


Washington, D.C.
July 20, 2049

The shooter had his target in sight. PJ the Platypus was strolling along the sidewalk at a purposeful pace, with no idea he was living his final moments. The shooter reached into his coat where his firearm was hidden and sped up to converge with the platypus' path at exactly the right moment. As soon as they crossed paths, he would put an end to the Conspirium's biggest threat once and for all.

"Abort mission!" the voice of Suzy Johnson said in his ear.

He instantly turned directions and disappeared into the crowd. "What happened?" he asked, pressing a fingertip to his ear.

"The timeline didn't change. The mission is a failure. We can't let them capture you and risk you talking. Return to base."

"Understood." Over his shoulder, the shooter watched PJ the platypus amble on.

To PJ, the day would seem ordinary and uneventful, with no progress being made in tracking down the Conspirium. There was, however, a squadron of very confused temporal control officers wondering about the rare false tip from the future about a shooter who was supposed to appear at exactly this time and place.


This example is but one of many assassination attempts Suzy Johnson employed to defeat PJ the platypus. She resorted to many methods, including staging car crashes, hiring snipers, deploying suicide bombers, and more. Each time she killed PJ, either the time police or Phineas and Ferb used time travel to go back and prevent the assassination, and in return, Suzy was forced to time travel back and call off the mission before it began to cover her tracks. This game of cat and mouse played out over and over again for months until Suzy finally discovered a way to pull off the perfect assassination, one that could not be traced back to herself, even via time travel.