Carla's letter
She looked inside and reached in, removed a thick folder that said "Testament of Carla W. Adams - Storff," read the name and ran her fingers ceremonially - Storff ... that was his last married name, she thought, leaving Melancholy flooded her, looked back at the envelope and found some papers folded inside, opened the sheet and his body tensed, in a neat handwriting were the last words of his mother to her.
She decided to put an end to the anguish that had eaten over the last few days and set out to read the letter, took a deep breath and began
My dear Anastasia:
I would start by saying the usual nonsense "if you are reading this letter ... bla ... bla ... bla", but you know me, and you know that I am no longer alive and that is why I have the courage to dedicate some words to you, since it is the only way In which I dare.
I don't want to bore you with the story of my life, but I think it's fair to give you a little insight, and part of what happened in these 10 years of being separated and before you think anything, I know, it was my fault, but were the decisions I made in life.
I always thought I didn't have the material for mother, but when you came into my life, you changed all perspective, although I'm sorry to say that it lasted very little. When I got pregnant I was very young and although your biological father and I loved each other, I felt that I needed to live, and when he died, I also felt myself dying and, to top it all off, you were, and I was alone.
That's why when Ray told me that he loved me and wanted to help me, I did not hesitate and I married him, and it was not a mistake, but it was not a success at the time, and with you I felt more slave than ever and more cloistered In my silly and absurd life as a perfect wife.
I was not happy Anastasia, I felt restrained, unable to project myself, the only thing that I had was you, but you did not fill what my heart wanted, I never really was in love with your father, and if I stayed with him so many years it was simply for you
When I met Stephen I felt that my life made sense, that I was born again, so do not hesitate to go with him when I could. Your father wanted to stop me but it was late, my heart had decided; Stephen wanted a family, that's why we took you with us, I never imagined what was happening and I was so lost in that time that I blamed you for everything that happened, because it was easier to do that, than to face reality, that He just came to me for you.
I'm so sorry Ana, everything that happened, everything I did and said, you did not deserve a mother like me, you were a very good girl, sweet, applied, deserved only happiness and I took your world to a Monster, which only caused pain, sadness and loss, at that moment I did not see it like that, I was so jealous that I decided to leave you behind, it took me years to realize what had happened, and what I had done to you, but when I did, it was late, you had your life in order and I could only cause you pain if I returned, so I left you alone, but I never lost track of you
I married twice more after Stephen, Bob, my fourth husband, was a total loser, just wanted to get home with his wife, have dinner and watch TV until sleep, which, as you know it was not my thing, I must say that I endured it only two years and with the money that the divorce left me, I went to New York, and there I knew the love of my life.
I met Ralf Storff, a German much older than I, but with the heart of gold. I worked in one of his companies as a secretary and we met at a meeting I attended to serve coffee, he told me that when he saw me he was struck by me at the moment, and I can tell you that I was fascinated by the way he dazzled, shortly after we began to treat ourselves, then we fell in love and we married, he showed me the world, I traveled everywhere, I knew wonderful places, he gave me everything I could ever have wanted and gave me what I always want, a full life.
But my happiness was never complete and he knew why, when we were 3 years married I went to therapy, because I constantly had nightmares and was in a state of constant depression, with professional help and with medications I could regulate my life, Dr. Smith Helped me see how wrong I was about you and Stephen, made me understand that you were a victim, and that I contributed to cause you more pain, it took me a while to realize that I was so damaged that all I did was hurt the most Precious of my life, my daughter.
My depression began when your biological father died, according to what the doctor analyzed, and since I was so bad at the time, and not to raise you alone I marry Ray, instead of channeling the pain and trying to cure myself, I repressed it and I became a time bomb.,
As you know when you were born I was only 19 years old, was a child to raise another child, so when your father offered me marriage do not hesitate for a moment and I accepted, since I felt that everything would be fine, but it was not.
It is not worth mentioning the countless feelings that arose in me in those years, but I can tell you that they provoked in me a self-destructive behavior that led to Stephen. With therapy, I was able to analyze all feelings and forgive myself for all the nonsense I did, but what I could never do was ask for your forgiveness, I never dared.
I told Ralf everything, everything I had done in life and at that moment I thought that my husband would abandon me, since I could not give him the only thing he wanted, a son ...
Years after you were born, I had ovarian excision surgery, I did not want any more children, your father never knew, because I deceived him by saying that they were kidney stones, and he, in his holy goodness, believed me.
Therefore, a decision I had made lightly, in a chaotic time of my life, would cost me my marriage. But it was not like this, Ralf was annoyed, because I did not tell him before, but he loved me and said that he preferred to have me in his life and that he would have me as he could.
It was the best years of my life Ana, I was happy, but I always had the shadow of not having you by my side, but as I told you before, I never missed the trail,
When you were 18, I started to know things about you, I had a private investigator to follow you, I know it's creepy, but I wanted to know your life.
So I learned that after living with Ray and after therapy, you were well again, and I did not want to ruin your calm, so I stayed in the shadows and saw you grow.
And my God, what a beautiful woman you came back to, you graduated from school with honors, and when you entered college and chose Literature, I could not be prouder of you, I always knew you liked to read.
The day of your graduation you were beautiful, you had a wonderful glow in your eyes, I was so proud of you, my girl, my sweet Ana was already a graduate girl, with all the opportunities that life could give you, I cried so much when I saw you in The podium, and look from afar how proud your father was, he had raised an excellent young lady and I could not be happier.
I was there that day, my girl, but hiding in the crowd, admiring you, congratulating you from a distance, but with a heart swollen with love and pride. Nothing I would have liked more than to approach and give you a hug and kiss and tell you how much I missed you, but I could not ... I could never…
When you got the job on SIP, I knew what I had to do, I knew that someday the time would come when I could look into your eyes and beg your forgiveness on my knees, for all the damage it causes you, but that pitifully it will no longer be possible .
My beloved husband, always so foresighted, made me write this letter and leave our will in order to prevent anything that might happen, and this is the case, since you are reading these lines.
We never adopt, nor does he have any more living relatives, therefore his fortune and his property pass to my name in case something happens to him.
And if anything will happen to me, everything is in your name, you are my only heiress.
I know you, and I know that after everything that has happened, you will not want to accept a penny, but that is not an option, I never apologized, I abandon you, and although I know that your father never gave you needs, I know Everything you spent to pay for college, and I also know that you do not have much now, and the least I can do for you now that I'm gone is to give you a comfortable life. That's why Stephen's clause, I know it's the only way you'll accept everything, since you would not let that ruffian enjoy luxuries he does not deserve.
I tried to repay me as much as I could, with my husband's help, we began to investigate Stephen and what we discovered left my blood cold, I do not want to remind you of painful things, but I want you to know, that he paid for what he did to you , And many more people, is rotting in a jail, with a life sentence, without the option of parole for up to 250 years, but is to say that he will never see the light, and that will be done by the team of lawyers that you will soon meet .
Anastasia, if I could go back time and do it all over again, do not hesitate for an instant that I would give anything to do it, but unfortunately, I have no powers, no magic, I am a simple mortal who made many mistakes.
I love you baby girl, I loved you from the moment I knew that you would come to this world, and I will love you until my last breath on this earth, my greatest relief is to know that you are happy, that you have a father who loves you, and Friends who take care and support you, you could overcome adversity and you got stronger, you are well deserving of your name, you are a beautiful and strong Princess.
Please forgive me for the damage I caused you, for the barbarities you passed through my fault, and for having abandoned you, I will never have the satisfaction of hearing your sweet voice, calling me mom and saying that you forgive me (which is very delusional of me I know), what I would have given to be able to hug you once, cradle in my arms and never let you go.
Continue with your life my child, do not allow me to bitter life, do not let a ghost of the past take away your joy, think of me as a memory without pain, and if ever your merciful soul forgives me, I will thank you so much , Because even if I'm not there to earn your love, think honey, I'll never, never in life stop loving you and if I did not approach you was just to let you be happy.
I hope you find a love that makes you see how wonderful life is, and fill you with satisfaction, embrace you when you only need that contact and seek every day of your life to make you happy, since you deserve only happiness. And that you make me grandmother, since wherever I am I will always take care of you and my grandchildren, and I expect many, do not be like me, although thank God you have never been like me, that is my greatest pride.
Take care my girl, my princess, be happy, laugh a lot, cry when you must and above all keep your head up high, because you are a wonderful person who should never be ashamed of anything in life.
I hope someday we will meet again, where we can give us that embrace that I so desire and where I can say how much I have missed you and how much I miss your presence every day, I can only ask God to grant me some Day to go to paradise to meet you and we can be together and happy where there is no pain, only love,
I will always be by your side, because you live in my heart, and love endures forever even if I am no longer in this world.
Your mother who loves you with all her heart.
When Ana finished reading the letter, she wrinkled it in her fist and cried disconsolately, for the mother who was always in the shadows and who never came, and whom she would have forgiven if only asked ...
