.
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Year 2 Month 3For whatever reason, that morning he felt nostalgic. Maybe it was the time of year. Thanks to Caitlin's influence, Spring felt like a new beginning, and they were nearing that season. He pulled his phone out and dialed a familiar number. A number he knew was there but hadn't dared to touch in so long.
"Hey," he started calmly. At least on the outside, he could pretend. He also knew he wouldn't be able to keep up with the facade for long. "I was thinking about that catch-up meeting we left pending…"
He ended the call and sighed. Seven years. It had been seven years, yet it felt like just yesterday they were talking about catching up after the winter break.
Jessie, cancel my afternoon appointments. -BA
Was the last email he sent that day.
{-}
Almost seven years ago, he would not have imagined he would be meeting this version of Iris West. A more mellow, calm, and reassuring version of the woman. The Iris he remembered was always brash, got herself in trouble, and didn't think things through, just went with her gut. Many times it worked. Many others...it didn't.
"Wow Barry, I have to say, time has been kind to you," the beautiful woman before him said with a smile. "What happened to that lanky guy I used to date?"
He smiled also, "He's still here."
"Somewhere deep inside," there was a hidden meaning to her words that eluded him.
"So what have you been up to? Did you continue in journalism?"
She shook her head, "I did for a little bit, but it was so draining, and I couldn't report what I wanted," she sighed, thinking back on the crazy girl she was, "now I'm running a local blog and write op-ed pieces for the papers."
"Not bad. Do you like it?"
"I love it!" she said with a huge grin, "The best part is the autonomy and control of your time. It's such a blessing," that was her favorite part of self-employment, "but enough about me, what have you been doing these days?"
"Not a whole lot," he shrugged. "I manage a hospital and have gotten older, hopefully, wiser. Nothing out of the ordinary," he shrugged.
She giggled, "A man of few words I see."
"I remember the days where you would talk for the both of us," he teased.
Iris sighed with fond nostalgia, "Oh the old days," she took a sip of her tea, "some were good, others not so much, but I wouldn't change any of them," she said sincerely.
Barry smiled faintly, "You should," Iris caught a hint of sadness in his words. "In fact, that's why I'm here today."
"To forget the old days?" she wondered.
He shook his head, "No, to apologize for the bad ones."
"That was a long time ago Barr,"
The nickname brought back memories. Above all, Iris had been good to him while they were together. "I know, it doesn't change the fact that I was —"
"—A horrible, horrible, boyfriend?" she teased innocently, but the words were no less true.
"I was going to say 'scum of the Earth' and 'horrible human being' but I like yours better."
She laughed, "I don't know what happened to you. But whatever happened, I'm glad for it."
He only shrugged, "A bit of humor doesn't hurt," and it made this interaction a lot easier.
She leaned on the table and eyed him curiously, "I don't remember you being this funny, even when we were together."
"I wasn't that bad either, was I?"
She giggled, "I'm going to plead the fifth on that one," after a beat she added, "Barry, you really don't have to apologize. I know that your loss really took a toll on you, and any behaviors you had then...well...I understand. Maybe not back then," she would argue with him and demand his time even after she saw him shut down when his mother passed away, "but I understand now, and I don't have any hard feelings."
He took a sip from his coffee slowly, "I appreciate that Iris, I do."
She shook her head, "Nonsense Barry, we were young and dumb. Let bygones be bygones."
"You're a good person, Iris, I'm glad to have met you."
"You know I'm only a phone call away."
Barry shook his head, "That's not what I meant."
Iris extended her hand and took his, "I'm happy to have met you also. You were the best thing that happened to me back then."
He smirked, "Somehow I highly doubt it."
"I'm serious! I learned a lot about myself when I was with you," some comfortable silence ensued, and Barry saw Iris' face soften and melt away in a way he didn't recall. "Actually if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have learned a very valuable lesson."
The CEO gave her a curious look.
"If you can't accept someone at their worst then you are not meant to be."
Realization dawned on him. It was true Iris had seen him at his worst, but they were not meant to be. Iris was a great person and had been very supportive...for a while. However, as more time went on things became strained between them. Barry needed support but neither knew how to ask or how to provide it. Iris wanted someone that would live life to the fullest next to her. Not someone she needed to sacrifice her life for.
"And as time went on, I did get to meet someone that accepted me at my worst. That's when I realized I wasn't that person for you."
"I'm happy for you Iris, you deserve it."
She smiled shyly, "Isn't it ironic though, that even when they accept the worst parts of you...All you want to do is be better?"
It got him thinking about his life this last year and how much it had changed since then. How much he had changed.
Her smile turned teasing, "I get the sense that you understand exactly what I'm talking about."
He took a long, drawn out sip of his coffee instead.
"Did you finally meet your match?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," he instinctively crossed his arms.
Before Iris could say anything else she got a call.
"You're lucky I have to leave now," She began gathering her things, "it was great seeing you Barr, thank you for lunch."
"Anytime," he gave her a small wave, "congratulations by the way."
She was momentarily surprised, "How did you—"
"—The Iris West I know would never take tea over coffee,"
It was her turn to smirk, "You win this one," she began walking away not without saying, "Say hi to that personal assistant of yours will you," she winked and eyed his wedding band before completely disappearing out of sight, basking in her victory.
{-}
That evening he went home feeling lighter. Like a weight had been lifted. A weight he had been carrying for a long time. Meeting with Iris was something he had wanted to settle for so long, but never made the time or had the inclination to put in the effort. After all, he first had to reconcile with himself, his family, and the grief that had consumed him for the better part of the last decade.
"Tough day at work?" He heard Caitlin ask as she walked in, putting her jacket and bag away.
"Not really."
"It's not every day I find you with a beer," she pointed at the bottle, "I thought you were a wine kind of guy."
He shrugged, "I don't discriminate, but I'm not particularly fond of alcohol either."
She gave him a suspicious look, "What's going on?"
He set the beer on the table and stood up to walk towards her only stopping when he was two steps away.
"Why do you think something is going on?"
Her heart skipped a beat, unbeknownst to her, those penetrating green eyes were looking deep into her soul. Most times, she had an idea of what Barry wanted to ask with his eyes. Today was different. Today she wasn't sure what was going on in his head, but she was dying to find out.
He took the two final steps and enveloped her in his arms.
She let out a surprised gasp but remained frozen in place. Should she say something? He didn't look sad or angry, so she wasn't quite sure what was happening. Yet, she didn't have the heart to complain either.
"You're right," he said barely above a whisper, "something did happen today."
"What is it? Are you okay? Hurt? Did—"
"—Everything is fine," he smiled while resting his head atop hers, "everything is fine now."
{-}
"So you spoke with Iris today," she took a seat opposite to him.
He nodded, "It was a long overdue conversation."
"Is that so?" She remained thoughtful wondering what they talked about. There was this bothersome feeling inside her chest, but she didn't want to pay too much attention to it. It wasn't her place to feel that way.
"Yes," he observed her thoughtfulness. A bit confused about her silent reaction. He expected she would start asking questions, or come up with her theories. This was the second time Iris had figured into their conversations, and Caitlin reacted...differently. He would need to explore that further, "it was like time hadn't even passed."
She nodded, "I guess to some people that could be the case," she muttered.
"Still as beautiful as ever," he said, his eyes never leaving Caitlin.
Her body tensed, ever so slightly, "She is a very beautiful woman," she nodded in agreement.
"There was just something about her, you know," he tilted his head analytically.
"So…" she began, "What did you guys talk about?"
"The old days," he said wistfully.
That didn't tell her much.
"Once upon a time, Iris was the woman I considered marrying," he confessed.
Caitlin was so thankful she wasn't drinking anything at that moment, "WHAT?"
He considered marrying her? Wow, things between them must have been more serious than what she thought.
He finally got a reaction which was exactly what he was after, "It was a long time ago," he resisted the urge to chuckle at her shocked expression.
"Wow, that's just...I mean I could tell a mile away she was important to you, I just didn't realize how much."
"The year I didn't come home," he started, "that's when our relationship took off," if he was honest, aside from school, spending time with Iris became one of his highest priorities. Whether he said it or not, and as unfair as it might be, he blamed Iris for him not spending time with his mother when she needed him most.
Caitlin knew exactly which year he was referring to and was beginning to thread their love story together in her head.
"I was going to tell my parents about my intent to marry her when I came back home," he remained silent for a few seconds, thinking about the memory, "but life had other plans."
"And then what happened?"
"After my mom passed, I went back to Gotham and things between us changed."
It wasn't hard for her to imagine how things had changed. Iris probably met Barry's more stoic and bitter version.
"In the beginning, Iris was sympathetic and supportive," his words were laced with nostalgia, "but we were both young, and she wanted more than to look after a somber and angry guy."
"Barry…"
He shook his head, "I don't expect any sympathy, I was a terrible boyfriend also," who knows how things would have turned out between them had they stayed together, "I was so irrational, angry one moment, breaking the next. Iris was young and so full of life, who was I to take that away from her?"
Caitlin took a few steps closer to Barry and sat next to him. She didn't say anything, waiting for him to continue.
"Being with her became so difficult, I…" he stopped himself. He'd never admitted what he was about to say to anyone before, "I resented her."
It was unfair, it was stupid. Yet, that's exactly what he felt when he was around her after his mother passed away.
He felt Caitlin take his hand and gave him a light squeeze. There was nothing for him to be ashamed of. She understood. She didn't say anything and just rested her head on his shoulder while she laced their fingers together.
He felt at ease sensing her understanding. Taking in, as he had done many times before, the familiarity and comfort she provided.
He thought about Iris' words earlier that day. Someone that accepted you at your worst…
"Did you apologize?" Caitlin asked.
He smiled, she knew him too well, "Something like that."
"You probably did," she said softly. For all his bravado, Barry was a kind person. She knew that from first-hand experience. "Is that why you hugged me?" She wondered, even though it hadn't really been her intention to ask. Unfortunately, it was too late to take it back. Barry wasn't one to randomly hug her, right? Perhaps, it had something to do with the closure of this chapter of his life.
"No," he answered immediately.
She didn't probe any further. That question shouldn't have seen the light of day to begin with. It was for her to examine in solitude, and maybe fantasize a bit…
"I did it because I felt like it," he said as a matter of fact.
She immediately turned her head up to look at him a bit surprised, while his face remained unfazed.
"You felt like it?" She couldn't believe her ears. Not that they've never hugged in the past or anything, it's just that hearing him say it was…
"Yes," he nodded.
Well, there was nothing wrong between friends hugging she reasoned. They were friends after all. Friends who happened to be married, but friends nonetheless.
He saw her nod to herself, perhaps coming to a satisfactory conclusion since she decided to rest on his shoulder once more time.
{-}
"So when are we meeting for Wells' project?"
She contained an exasperated sigh, "Julian, spring break is about to start and the project for finals week was just assigned,"
"I don't like doing things last minute," he said as if that explained his urgency.
She nodded in defeat, "Ok, I'll call you."
"Text me instead, I don't like calls. Rarely answer them."
" Ok, ok, text message it is," she waved him goodbye. "You enjoy your break okay."
The man waved in return and took his leave.
"You have the patience of a saint," her former boss peaked out of the corner of a bookshelf.
Caitlin giggled, "He's not entirely bad, just very used to his ways I guess,"
Leslie rolled her eyes, "Sure, sure, sure. So how's school going?"
"Actually," Caitlin realized, "not bad. This is the least stressed I've been for school. Imagine that."
Oddly enough, even when the classes were challenging she enjoyed them and her stress level was much lower than in past years.
"Is it because you're not working here anymore?" she narrowed her eyes at the younger woman.
The student shook her head, "Of course not. I loved working here."
"Or is it because of that obnoxious husband of yours?" She teased.
"Barry is very nice," Caitlin defended. "In fact, he makes things much easier for me."
He gave her a home. She didn't have to worry about rent. They split house chores and cooking. He would even help her with her homework and suggested great articles that eased her research time. He would call her out if the stress was getting to her, so she could take a step back and relax. All in all, he was an extraordinary roommate and friend.
"I can see your eyes start to glaze over. Go give those lovey-dovey eyes to that husband of yours."
Caitlin blushed.
"He must have some good qualities if you fawn over him all the time," Leslie teased as she placed some books away.
"I don't fawn over him," she said defensively, while she helped her boss put away books.
Leslie rolled her eyes, "Sure, let's pretend I believe you, honey."
"Leslie!"
The woman in question gasped, "What's this? You actually got it right!"
"I do learn."
"And it only took you, what two years?" They both laughed, "Now, now, what are you doing over spring break?"
"I was—"
"—And I better not see you as a volunteer here this year," she warned.
That stopped Caitlin in her tracks, "Well I could —"
"—I know you love volunteering, but I need you to dedicate at least three," she emphasized with her fingers, "three days to yourself, understood young lady."
"Aye, aye ma'am."
The older woman sighed, "And you had been doing so well!"
{-}
"Ok, men," Cisco started, "and woman," he added quickly, "I know it's Monday, the Monday of spring break, so a lot of people are out and about —"
"—Road trip?" Wally asked.
"Are we finally getting days off?" Jax interjected as well.
"I can cover for you guys," Caitlin volunteered.
Cisco raised his hands to appease the crowd, "Children, children, now if you let me finish," he raised his index finger. "First things, first. No road trip," then he turned to Caitlin, "Thanks for the offer, but you always cover for us," now he turned to Jax, "yes we are getting a day off."
"Woohoo!" The guys threw a fist bump in the air. They haven't had a day off in months.
"Don't get too excited. To make this fair, we will go through a random selector and will have our day assigned."
Cisco entered their names and days in the random selector and the days off were assigned:
Jax -Tuesday
Wally -Wednesday
Cisco -Thursday
Caitlin -Friday
"See you on Wednesday fellas!"
Cisco cleared his throat, "It's barely noon…"
"Oh yeah," Jax answered as if the notion of time was a strange concept.
"Since when is he so eager to leave?" Wally whispered to Caitlin.
"I think he has a date," she theorized. Something she would confirm with Magenta later.
"Yep, that explains it," he nodded. "Should we make him miserable in the meantime?"
Caitlin suppressed a laugh, "Only until five."
"With that out of the way," Cisco glanced at his notebook, "Jax, please do monthly checkups on the incubators," Jax groaned, he wasn't good with babies and hated being around them. "Wally, Caitlin, you are to check the MRI machines near the neurology department."
The team left to their assignments and Cisco pulled up some confidential files on his tablet.
First on the queue was good ol' Jax. While he and Magenta seemed to have a lot in common, Cisco still had some reservations. With all due respect to dear Caitlin, but he was the matchmaker extraordinaire. Tuesday would give Jax an opportunity to secure the concert tickets for his big date next month.
Then, he had cute Wally to look after. The boy was too in love for his own good. Praise the Lord, it was mutual. He would hate to see Wally be taken advantage of. Wednesday would give him the opportunity to plan his big proposal over the summer. Good thing, flights to Star City would be on sale, and if all his subliminal messaging worked, cute Wally would be buying those tickets before the end of the day.
Then there was dear Caitlin. Kind soul that she was, it was time to push her in the right direction. Too bad Ronnie was putting a damper on his plans. Unless…a mischievous thought occurred to him. It wouldn't hurt to try. Now he just needed to pull up some schedules for the weekend and prepare his grand plan.
What would these children do without him?
{-}
"Uhm, Caitlin," Wally began a bit hesitantly, "how, how did the Ogre..uhm…I mean Barry propose? Yeah, how did Barry propose?"
Caitlin felt her throat tighten. This question had not come up before, "Wow, I uhm, let me think," Cisco hounded her like there was no tomorrow, and then Barry and her met the day they signed the contract. Yeah, that wasn't a story she was willing to tell.
"I'm going to propose to Jessie, but I want it to be perfect, you know," he said in earnest.
Her face softened. Jessie was very fortunate to be loved so fervently, "Wally, there isn't a magic formula to proposals."
"I know, but I just want to give Jessie what she deserves,"
"Loving her the way you do is more than anyone can ask for," it never ceased to amaze her how the people around her could love so much without reservations.
Cisco was so dedicated to his Golden Goddess. Jax, well, he could flirt his way out of any situation, but she knew he was just a man in search of love (whether he admitted it or not). Then, there was Wally who was the definition of a romantic novel hero. Even Dr. Stewart was so dedicated to his wife Shayera.
He smiled shyly, "I guess."
Once they were in front of the machine, Wally snapped his fingers, "Darn I forgot the reader. I'll go get it."
She nodded, "I'll start with a superficial check in the meantime."
Once she was alone in the room she began her check, only to hear the door close behind her a few minutes after.
"Wow, that was quick, did you tele...Ronnie?"
"Caitlin! Wow, wasn't expecting you here," he took a step forward even though there was limited space to begin with.
"The machine is out of service right now," she kept her tone neutral.
He nodded, "Right, I know. I left my notebook here," he looked around but didn't pinpoint the object, "at least I thought I did."
As luck would have it, the notebook was on the table behind her. She bit back a groan of annoyance. "Here," she handed him the notebook.
A grin emerged from his lips, "Some things just don't change, huh."
She moved to the other side of the device and continued checking some cables, "They should."
"So, I was thinking…" he said casually, completely dismissing her words, "we didn't get to finish our last conversation. Maybe you want to have dinner sometime?"
"I'd rather not," she answered immediately.
"I'll let you choose," he insisted with an easy smile, not deterred.
She sighed, "Ronnie, just what are you doing?" she turned to see him.
"Inviting you to dinner?" he guessed innocently.
"Stop with the act," his innocent facade only angered her, "you and I both know how our relationship ended. It wasn't friendly. Don't pretend that it was."
He approached her only staying a few feet away, "Caitlin, that was a long time ago. It wasn't like we were in a real relationship anyway."
She scoffed, "Ok, fine. We were —God I don't even know what we were!" She took a few calming breaths. "You know what, it doesn't matter. I just want to make it clear, that I don't want anything to do with you."
He took a step closer, "Come on, don't be like that."
She was getting anxious by his proximity, "Ronnie stop."
"Caitlin, it's not like I'm going to hurt you," he said defensively. "I just think we have an opportunity to rekindle our friendship and take it to the next level."
"I'm not interested," she clarified, "I'm —"
"Is everything alright Caitlin?" Wally stepped in and glared at the doctor.
She nodded. "Yes, Dr. Raymond was just leaving."
He took one final look at her and excused himself.
Wally could tell Caitlin was shaken, "Hey, do you want to talk about it?"
The woman shook her head, "It's nothing."
"Do I need to give that guy a piece of my mind, because you know I would. Didn't take Jiu-Jitsu for three years without learning some moves."
She smiled, "We don't need the lawsuit."
The engineer shrugged, "Meh, I could add a bit of excitement to my life."
{-}
That night Barry found Caitlin outside in the backyard resting on the balcony with a cup in her hands. He would bet his MD that it was chamomile tea. That insignificant observation aside, he noticed Caitlin was worried and upset. Her brows were knitted just enough to be noticeable but not exaggerated so. Her features were tense and rigid. He heard her release a sigh, it sounded defeated, exhausted, ready to break.
"Hi," he said as he walked next to her.
"Hi," she said kindly, yet tiredly, "how was your day?"
"Good," he looked at her analytically, trying to read every micro-expression. "Is everything alright?"
She nodded, "Yes, of course. Why wouldn't it be?" she said with a smile that was too big to be genuine.
"I thought we would be commuting back together this week," he said instead.
"Sorry about that, I wasn't feeling well and had to leave early."
"I could've brought you home."
"I hate being a bother," she said quickly, "thank you for the offer though."
He rested his arm on the balcony, "Cait, you're not a bother."
She gave him a tired smile and that worried him.
"I think I'm going to call it a day," she turned around ready to walk away.
Barry read her intent and the moment she took a step toward the living room he grabbed her hand.
She turned around with a questioning look.
Barry didn't say anything, he only took a step closer and wrapped his arms around Caitlin. He knew something was happening, but he also knew he needed to give her space. She would tell him in due time. All he could do now was give her support in as many ways as he could. While they were both so different. There were things in which they were so similar, and he could understand her more than she could possibly know. Whatever she was going through, it was something that she would be able to overcome. He was sure of it.
He felt her slowly raise her arms and return his embrace. Taking in the comfort he offered and appreciating Barry's patience and understanding.
"Thank you," she said softly.
"I'm here," he patted her back gently.
"You know," she said after some silence, "I'm quite liking this hugging phase of yours."
He chuckled lightly, "I can compromise my personal space rule if that makes you feel better," he teased.
She pulled away just enough so they could look at each other, "How kind of you."
He stared intently into her hazel orbs and for a moment her face was his world.
"Some people are worth making exceptions for."
{x}
