Author's Note: Warnings for past spousal abuse, intensive flashbacks, and PTSD. As always please review and let me know what you think.
Astrid looked at the man across from her. Wondering what he could want. This was the first time that Bucky had come up by the hospital without Steve. Asking her if she had a spare moment. She gestured him to her office. Sitting down at her desk and Bucky taking one of the chairs.
"What's going on?" Astrid asked. A flare of worry hit her body. "It's not Steve, is it? He's not sick again?"
Bucky shook his head. A smile on his face. "No. He's actually fine for once. Though he is what I want to talk about." He glanced at the ring on her finger.
She flashed a quick smile. "Is this one of those talks where you say that if I ever hurt him I'll wish I've never been born? Because I think we are a bit late for that one."
Bucky chuckled. "There's no need. I've known you long enough to know that you are never going to hurt him." He sighed, his expression sobering up. Like he was about to get something big off his chest. "Steve is my best friend. Basically, my brother. Which is why I know he's a motley of problems." That was obvious from the start. "He's always trying to take on everything. Fighting against the world to prove himself. Trying to enlist is only a part of it. And then there is you."
Now Astrid was confused. "What about me?"
"When I first met you I never thought it would go this far." Astrid was about to protest but Bucky held up his hand. "Don't get me wrong. I'm glad that it has but if I had known I would have prepared Steve better." Prepared him for what? Bucky ran a hand through his hair. "You are one of a kind Astrid and I'm worried that Steve is going to wear himself down trying to prove himself worthy of you."
Astrid scoffed. Shaking her head. "It's me who is not worthy of him. We all know what I am."
He nodded along. "Shamira said you would say that. But that doesn't make my point any less true. Both of you are worthy of each other. The only difference is that Steve is probably going to kill himself trying to prove that point."
She took a deep breath. Intertwining her fingers and placing them on the table. "And what? You want me to talk him out of it?"
He laughed. "That's impossible. Trust me I've tried. He's the most stubborn man on the planet." Truer words could not have been said. "No, what I wanted to ask was if you are prepared for it?" She blinked a couple of times. Processing what Bucky was asking. "Because if you aren't and you decide it's too much for you… he won't recover. You, you are it for him. So, before you say I do, please make sure you know exactly what you're signing up for."
She smiled fondly at Bucky. He would literally do anything for Steve. Literally anything. Even confront his would-be fiancé to make sure that she was ready for him. He was truly Steve's soulmate. Just as Shamira was hers. "Bucky, I know that Steve's not in the greatest shape. I know that the chances of actually growing old with him are slim and that's with my help." It's a thought she didn't want to consider but with his health… They were always going to be fighting a losing war. "I know he's going to keep pushing himself. He wouldn't be Steve otherwise." She tightened her grip on her hands. Looking straight at Bucky. "But he is Steve. And he is worth every single moment of every single day. However, many days that is." She took a deep breath. This is not how she expected her day to go.
"Despite the challenges that will lie ahead." She smiled. Even thinking about Steve made her feel warm. "But we both know that."
He reached across the desk. Taking her hands into his. "We sure do." He let go of her hands and she pulled hers back.
"Now, that's out of the way. Anything else you want to talk about?" Astrid asked with a smile. She had time. There wasn't a surgery scheduled for a while and she had already seen to all her patients.
Turned out what Bucky wanted her to talk about was the wedding. Surprisingly, Bucky seemed to be the one who was the most invested. Though his focus was on making sure that this was the perfect day for Steve. Not that Astrid minded. Allowed her to focus on her job. All the details, the cake, flowers, even the dress didn't matter to her. She was marrying Steve. That's what was important. Something that Bucky understood completely.
Though the conversation had to come to a halt as Astrid had surgery. Promising that they would resume the next chance they got Astrid made her way to the OR. Only to run into Chief who was leaning against the wall. Flashing her a cocky smile. Relatively young he still looked fit as a fiddle. The kind of guy that most women would swoon over. When Astrid first met him he expected her to be one of those women. It was proven otherwise very quickly when Astrid chewed him out for his surgical technique. Since then the two of them have an amicable relationship. More importantly, they made a great surgical team and a better torture one. Though she did that on more of a consulting basis.
"Dr. Schmidt," he said walking next to her.
"Joining me for surgery Chief?" she asked shooting him a look. They never used his real name. Most people in the hospital didn't even know what it was. Astrid was one of the select few.
"Oh, I wouldn't miss this for the world. It's not every day that you run into a case like this. Though I'm more curious about the wedding. How's the planning for it going?"
Astrid flashed him a quick smile. "You're not going to get it out of me that easily." It was the game they played. Keeping their personal lives close to their chest. Forcing the other to figure it out. The game of torturers and if Astrid was honest it was a game she missed playing.
He shrugged his shoulders. "Just wanted to know when you're expected to go on maternity leave. Can't leave my surgical team understaffed."
"Funny, I was thinking the same thing. You're going to need a replacement when they finally ship you off to war." It was unavoidable. All Astrid hoped was that his replacement wasn't going to be a complete moron.
He scoffed, opening the doors to the OR. "Are we going to save this kid or what?"
Five grueling hours later they did manage to do exactly that. The kid was hardy. Astrid had to give him credit. Making sure that he was back safely with his parents.
"Now it's time for you to head home," Chief stated once Astrid had finished up with the parents.
She gave him an odd look. "Why?"
He rolled his eyes at her. "Come on. Really? It's Valentine's Day. You're telling me you have zero plans?"
Astrid shrugged. They had a big celebration when they got engaged so they were planning a smaller quiet ordeal. Just the four of them in Astrid's and Shamira's place. Astrid making dinner. Nothing major.
Chief shook his head. "Get going. If I have to make it an order I will." There was no arguing with him at this point. Astrid headed to the locker room. Getting changed. At least she would have an early start to her plans. No one else would be getting home for a while.
Once she got home she turned on the radio. Letting the music drift through the apartment before turning her attention to the kitchen. Taking out all the supplies she needed. Starting with the pie crust. A few hours later, the pie was cooking in the oven, Astrid had finished the last touches on the liver loaf and was working on the buttered lettuce. Cutting it up to make a salad. One of her favorite radio dramas was playing. Completely enthralled. Until she felt a hand grasp her shoulder.
Her heart leaped into her throat. Beating a million miles an hour. It was if her entire world shifted at once. No longer in New York but Germany. In that imposing domineering house on the corner. Making dinner and hoping the booze would mellow him out. It never did. Well, not this time. She was not going to let him hit her this time. Astrid gripped the knife tightly in her hand. It was time. Never again was going to happen now. She thought she heard someone shout no. Not that it would matter. They would thank her after the monster was lying bleeding on the ground.
The next moment was just a blur. Moving on instinct. Ready to cut, shred, tear. Just getting him away from her. Nothing else mattered. All she could see was his face right before her eyes. Except his eyes were brown instead of that deep blue. Brown?
"Astrid listen to me," she heard in her ears. Shamira? "You're not in Germany right now. You're here in New York. At home. You're safe. He's not here. You're safe." It's like her world refocused. His face fading and Shamira's face appearing. Looking panicked, worried. "You with me? Your home." The edges of her eyes stopped blurring. Refocusing. She could feel a sharp pain in her back as Shamira had her shoved into the counter. A death grip on her wrist which was still holding the knife in her hands.
"What? Shamira? What happened?" the words heavy on Astrid's tongue.
"That's what I would like to know," Bucky growled. Astrid looked up, past Shamira. Confusion etched on her face. Until she saw Bucky cradling Steve in his arms. Holding him back.
"Bucky!" Steve shouted at him. "Let me go! She needs me!" It was then she noticed the blood dripping down his arm. A clean slice straight through to his arm. The horror mounting in her body as she glanced at the knife in her hands. Blood as clear as day. She dropped it from her hand. Shamira letting her go. Backing away slightly.
"I didn't," Astrid mumbled bringing her hand to her face. Her whole body trembling. "I never." She looked directly at Steve. Tears starting to pool in her eyes. The only expression on his face was pure worry. That only made it hurt more. "I've never ever wanted to hurt you. Never! I thought I was better. I thought…"
"Look whatever happened, we need to get you to a doctor," Bucky stated. Refocusing the entire situation. "Get that cut cleaned up."
"Why?" Steve asked turning to look at him. "We have the best damn doctor we know right here."
"The same one who just cut you in the first place." Bucky turned to look at her. Eyes blazing with both anger and worry also. "Now unless you want to explain exactly what happened I'm taking him to see a doctor."
"She doesn't have to explain a thing to you," Shamira snapped.
"Shamira's right, she doesn't" Steve added in. "Look it's probably my fault anyway."
Bucky scoffed. "You touched her shoulder. How is it your fault?!"
"I don't-"
"Bucky's right," Astrid interrupted. "I do owe you an explanation." They all turned to look at her. Her gaze completely focused on Steve. Who was looking at her with soft loving eyes. Eyes she did not deserve. "But we do need to get that treated."
He held out his arm to her. "What are you waiting for?"
Astrid glanced at Bucky who nodded letting go of Steve. Allowing Steve to take off his clothes and letting Astrid take a look. Luckily it was shallow. Wouldn't even need stitches. Astrid gently took his arm. Leading him to the couch. Gesturing him to sit down before she started wiping the blood away with a cloth.
"When I was with-" she couldn't even start. Put words to it. "When I was with the man before you he used to beat me. Badly. Mostly on my back. Easier to cover it up." Despite her words, her hands were calm. Steady. The only way she was going to get through this was if she was going to treat it like she was reading out of a textbook. "That was his favorite position. Me on my stomach. So I couldn't look at him. And he couldn't look at him. Couldn't see how much I hated him. And leave me wondering what he would do next." She closed her eyes and took a deep. Breath. Memories she didn't want floating to the surface. "He used to grab my shoulder all the time and-" She couldn't finish. It was too much. She glanced at everyone surrounding her. Shamira was crying. Squeezing her eyes shut. Bucky temper cooled and looking at her with no idea what to say. Astrid didn't blame him. She didn't have the words either. Finally turning her attention to Steve. Who eyes were burning with cold fire.
Bring a hand to her cheek. "When I enlist I'm going to find him and make sure that he never hurts anyone again." She leaned into his hand. Taking him in. She was honestly shocked that he was still here. The fact that he hadn't bolted told her everything she needed to know about him. "And I'll never surprise you from behind again. I'll always make sure that you know it's me."
Astrid huffed. "I honestly thought I was doing better."
"You are Astrid," Shamira replied. Placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "It used to take hours to pull you out of the dark place. This… this is just a minor setback. You'll make it through this one. Just as you've made it through all the others."
"And for as long you need me too I'll make sure that you never hurt him again," Bucky added on. Astrid looked deeply into Bucky's eyes. Sensing the deep truth of that statement. She had never been more grateful for him in her entire life than she was at that moment.
"Thank you," she stated looking at Bucky. "All of you." She wiped away the blood before rubbing cream into the wound. Helping to close it before wrapping it with a bandage. She was always prepared for anything with Steve. Though she never expected to be the one to hurt him. Astrid let go of his arm. Putting it down gently. Immediately Steve wrapped his arms around her neck. Pulling her in for a kiss. And everything was right with the world.
Until the oven timer went off. All for of them turning to look.
"That would be the pie," Astrid stated breaking off the kiss. Taking it out with her mind. "Some Valentine's day this has been." All four of them started chuckling. Before full blow laughing. Engaging in a large group hug. Astrid looked at each one of them. They would help her through this. She knew they would.
