A/N: I honestly don't remember if the writers of SMK have Joe and Carrie get married on the show - but if they do, it doesn't happen before 'All that Glitters' - and my story rewrites the rest of S4 after that episode. Apologies to those of you who love Joe's character - again, I'm not trying to paint him in a negative light, it's just where this storyline is taking him. Part of me thinks that Lee was right- he wanted her back!


12/8/85

It's been a week since Joe came home and turned my life upside down.

I knew he wasn't in Africa when I picked up the phone and I could hear him clear as day – as if he was standing right next to me in the kitchen. I could hear the stress and fear in his voice, and I tried to get him to talk to me, but he wouldn't – he just told me not to worry, which only made me worry more.

It wasn't until I got to the Agency that I found out what was going on: Joe was the number one suspect in the assassination of the prime minister of E-, which was the most preposterous thing I'd ever heard in my life! Joe is a pacifist to the core – he wouldn't even kill the spiders that we found in the house when we were moving in, choosing instead to capture them in paper cups and release them back outside to their natural habitat. The very idea that Joe picked up a gun and shot someone – even to save his own life – no, he'd never do it. I've talked myself into carrying a gun to protect Lee or myself, but Joe would never carry one, not even for show. I know that we've been divorced for years and people do change, I'm a prime example of that! – but this would go against the very nature of who Joe is.

I could tell that this whole situation made Lee very uncomfortable and yet I heard from Francine that he actually asked to be assigned to this case, which surprised me. Lee doesn't do emotionally complicated – he doesn't mix business and personal, and as much as he continues to deny it, we are slowly starting to merge the two. Ever since our 'no shop talk' dinner two months ago, Lee has taken me out to dinner four times, and the no work rule has been enforced every time. He hasn't kissed me yet, though we came so close in the swamp. Damn S- and his men with their machine guns!

And now my ex-husband was back in town, and I could see Lee withdrawing from me as he sat me down behind his desk and paced in front of it, putting physical distance between us. My heart ached to see the conflicted emotions play across his face and I wanted to jump up, and pull him into my arms, reassure him that yes, I loved Joe – but he was my past.

Lee is my present and hopefully, my future.

Everything happened so fast after that. We found Joe- well, I did, at one of our old hangouts, and Lee stashed us at our old boardinghouse for safe keeping as he tried to shake the visiting dignitary from E-. But when the dignitary and Joe came face to face later – surprise! He was really the prime minister in disguise! Joe was so happy to see him and vice versa – but both men were still in danger and so Lee kept them at his apartment, and I went home for the night.

None of us ever dreamed they would go after the boys.

My heart still clenches in fear as I think about what could have happened to them. When the vice principal told me that someone had been asking about my ex-husband, I swear my heart stopped. I used the radio Lee gave me to call him, but I was terrified he wouldn't make it to the school before the boys got hurt. I raced to the gym where the boys were on the trampoline in time to see Jamie get pulled off and into a man's arms, a gun in his hand. Philip looked at me with wide eyes, as Jamie said my name.

The doors on the other side burst open as Lee, Joe, and the prime minister ran inside. I honestly don't remember much of what happened after that because I was so hyper-focused on the boys. I knew that everything would work out because Lee had made it in time. I do remember dropping to my knees, my arms open wide, as the boys ran across the floor with the prime minister propelling them to me. Suddenly Joe was next to me, and Philip flew into his arms, but Jamie stayed with me, shaking hard and holding back the tears. When I finally looked up, I locked eyes with my partner, who was talking into his radio, giving the all-clear.

I tried to convey all my love and gratitude with my eyes and Lee gave me a small smile before he turned and walked away. I knew it was for our protection and he didn't want the boys to get a very good look at him, but I couldn't help but feel a bit empty as he turned away and left me standing there with my family. He was part of my family now too – even if they didn't know it.

This past week has been busy with Joe picking the boys up from school and playing ball in the park as the weather has been mild. We've had some family suppers together and I know that mother is already planning a big family Christmas and is hoping for a reunion between me and Joe.

That isn't going to happen as my heart belongs to another.

The night Joe and I went to Dooley's – he commented on how much I'd changed, that I wasn't the woman he'd married – or the woman he'd divorced. And I'm not – that Amanda King 'died' at the train station when a secret agent handed her a package and told her to give it to a man in the red hat. All the experiences and adventures and secrets have shaped who I am today – and I wouldn't change a thing. Now, if I can only get my stubborn partner to see that. He's pulled away from me, emotionally – and if the dark circles under his eyes are any indication, he's having trouble sleeping again. It was like getting the man to agree to a root canal to come over for burgers and wine tonight! Once I told him that the boys were spending the night with their father and mother was staying overnight with a sick friend, he was out of excuses. I was home alone, and he couldn't turn down a home cooked meal.

I had just pulled the toasted buns out from under the broiler when the doorbell rang. Glancing at the clock, I smiled, noting that he was five minutes late. I wondered if he had circled the block, gathering his courage before deciding to come inside.

"Hi Lee," I greeted as I threw open the door to find him fidgeting on my doorstep.

"A-man-da," he drew out my name in frustration. "How did you know it was me?"

I laughed. "Who else would it be?"

"You work for the Agency – I could have been KGB or-"

I reached out and pulled him inside. "Okay, okay! Next time I'll ask who it is before I open the door. Does that make you feel better?"

"Yes." He shut the door and studied it. "You know, you should put in a peep hole – then you could see who's at the door and you wouldn't have to ask. Be safer for you and the boys."

Warmth flooded through me as I realized the source of his worry. I stood on my tiptoes and brushed a feather light kiss across his jawline.

"Thank you, Lee. You've always said you had my family protected – but this past week in the gym – with the boys – I was really scared and you –" I shuddered as it all came back to me.

Lee wrapped me up in his arms, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "Hey, I'm just glad that I got there in time. I'll never let anything happen to your boys on my watch."

"I know." I smiled at him and stepped out of his arms, clearing my throat. "You know, Philip can't stop talking about the 'secret agent man' swinging on the rope that saved them," I called over my shoulder as I walked into the kitchen, Lee a few steps behind me.

Lee chuckled. "I hope you and Joe didn't have to come up with some fancy explanations about all that – speaking of Joe, does he know about your job – about us?"

"Us?" I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"You know - that we're partners?"

"Oh, that. Yeah, he kinda figured we knew each other after the shoot-out at the library. When you called my name and I flew into your arms-"

"You did not fly into my arms!"

I held up my hands. "Those were Joe's words not mine!" I laughed. "Why, Scarecrow, I do believe you're blushing!"

"Am not!"

I drizzled Italian dressing over the salad and tossed it with the tongs. "Make yourself useful and open the wine, Lee. Our dinner is ready."

He gave me a mock salute and poured us each a generous glass, bringing them to the table as I slid past him into a chair. He held up his glass and waited for me to do the same, as he took his seat across from me.

"What should we drink to?" he queried, his dimples popping out on his cheeks.

"To moving forward."

I watched him take a deep breath as he tipped his rim towards mine. "I'll drink to that."


"Joe, I'm sorry I'm late," I threw my purse into the bench seat and slid in after it. "I explained on the phone that things were a bit tight today-"

Joe grabbed one of my flapping hands and squeezed. "It's all right, sweetheart. I'm just grateful that you were able to get away for a bite to eat and talk to me about the boys – does this mean you skipped breakfast, the most important meal of the day?"

I rolled my eyes as I slipped my hand from his and picked up the laminated menu card. "I had coffee and a small piece of coffee cake – not my usual fare. I just wasn't very hungry-"

"Worried about Jamie?"

"Hmm, among other things-" I nodded.

"Well, in the interest of saving time, I went ahead and put our orders in-"

The menu card dropped from my hand. "You ordered for me?"

"Well – sure. This is our breakfast spot after all. You always get the manager's favorite: two eggs, scrambled, with toast and hashbrowns."

"Perhaps I felt like something different today, Joe."

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

I picked my purse up from the bench and began to slide out of the booth. "This was a mistake – I'm actually very busy today, Joe. I'll call you this evening to talk about Jamie."

Joe grabbed my left hand. "Amanda, wait-" his face changed as his fingers tightened on mine. "What is -" he looked down at our hands. "Is that an engagement ring?"

I sighed. "Yes, Lee and I are engaged."

He let go of my hand and collapsed back against the bench seat. "When?"

"He proposed after you dropped the boys off at home last night."

"I see. Well, what do they think about it?"

I smiled softly as I played with the ring on my finger. "Actually, they were the ones that encouraged Lee to do it-"

"He needed encouragement to propose?"

My head shot up when I heard the scorn in Joe's voice. "No, Lee didn't need any encouragement. He was going to – in fact, he already had proposed – we were just waiting until he had gotten to know the boys a bit before we told them – and then yesterday he and the boys talked about things – after you left – and well," I shrugged. "It just sort of happened."

"I see."

I heard the hurt in his voice. "Joe-"

He held up his hand. "No, Amanda, I get it. I'm the one that left you and the boys behind and went to Africa, remember? I was a fool to think that I could come home and find you all waiting for me, ready to take me back into your lives."

I reached across and took his hand in mine, squeezing it tightly. "The boys were waiting – they will always want their father in their lives."

"But not you."

I slipped my hand from his, shaking my head slowly. "I'm not the same woman you married or left behind, remember? I've – grown, evolved – and I don't want to go back. I love the woman I've become-"

"Even if it gets you killed?"

My breath caught in my throat as I saw the fear in Joe's eyes, the same fear that I had seen in my husband's eyes not more than two days ago as he held me tightly, vowing that he didn't know what he'd do if he lost me now.

"I refuse to live my life in fear, Joe. And I refuse to let that fear stop me from doing my job – which is making the world a bit better for Philip and Jamie – and you as well." I breathed out a sigh. "But how did we get on this subject anyway? I thought we were here to talk about Jamie – and the fact that you are moving back to Estoccia –"

"It wasn't an easy decision, Amanda. In fact, I think it was harder this time around-"

"Why?"

"Because the boys are older – and I don't want to miss out on the important events that will soon be happening in their lives– like graduations, Philip getting his driver's license-"

I groaned. "Please, don't remind me. He wants to learn to drive on Lee's 'vette!"

Joe shook his head. "Somehow, I don't see that happening-"

"I think Philip is the only one in denial about which car he's going to drive!" I laughed.

"I could leave mine for him to drive."

I frowned. "Joe, that's way too generous of you!"

"I won't need it in Africa-"

I changed the subject away from cars. "Is Carrie excited about going to Africa?"

Joe cleared his throat. "Carrie and I broke up."

"What? When? Joe, what happened?"

Joe dropped his gaze to the table as he fiddled with his silverware. "Do you remember talking to me about some weatherman you dated shortly after our divorce was finalized – what was his name?"

"Dean."

"Right, Dean. Why didn't it work out with you two?"

"Oh, that was a long time ago now-"

"And yet I think you remember exactly why you broke it off with him-"

"How did you know I broke up with him?"

Joe grinned. "Dotty told me."

I frowned. "Mother has a big mouth." I shrugged. "Dean was nice, kind, helpful and caring with the boys, but there was no chemistry between us – no spark, if you will. I guess in the end I realized he was the classic transition guy-"

"From me to Lee?"

I gasped at the bold statement. "Joe-"

"It's okay, Amanda. But just between us, I need you to know: Carrie was my Dean – she was my transition person that I tried to move on with – and in the end, I couldn't do it. I still love you, Amanda King."

"Joe," I murmured his name on a sigh, my eyes closing in pain. "I don't want to hurt you – but I no longer feel that way about you- Lee and I-"

"Shh," his finger covered my lips. "I know. I just – I wanted you to know the real reason why I'm going back to Africa – why I can't stay in DC. I can't stay here and watch you and Stetson-" he cleared his throat and removed his finger.

My eyes flew open, and I struggled to keep the hot tears inside my eyes. "So instead, our boys are going to be deprived of their father for a second time? Joe, don't ask me to keep this secret from them!"

"I would think that you've gotten pretty good at keeping secrets by now."

"How dare you," my words came out in a harsh whisper as I grabbed my purse and stood. "I'm leaving now before one of us says something we regret."

"Amanda-"

"No, Joe King, you listen, and you listen good. I know all about loving someone who doesn't love you back – and how much it hurts. But this isn't all about you – you also have two teenage sons who are going to be devastated if you get on that plane and run away to Africa – because that's what you'll be doing – running away! Being a parent isn't just hanging out and taking them to ball games and movies – it's also about sticking around when things get tough, and feeling like you can't breathe because your heart is aching so much it's going to break when you can't keep them from getting hurt. So do all of us a favor and don't call or come by until you've made a final decision about whether or not you're leaving the country or you're going to stick around and be a father for the rest of their lives."


Emily's head shot up from the computer monitor when I opened and slammed the door to the Q bureau behind me.

"Amanda! I wasn't expecting you back so soon. Did you have a nice time-"

I threw my purse onto my desk and screamed.

Emily's right eyebrow arched on her forehead. "I take that as a 'no'. Do you want to talk about it?"

I burst into tears, my hands coming up to cover my face as I leaned against the etched glass of the door.

"Oh, honey," Emily soothed as she came and looped an arm around my shoulders. "Don't carry on so, men aren't worth all this – especially not ex-husbands."

I managed a weak smile as the tears continued to flow and Emily steered me over to the couch and I collapsed into it. Somehow, I had made it from the diner back to the Agency without having an accident or losing control of my emotions. It was only when I was back in the sanctuary of our office, in the calming presence of Emily Farnsworth, that I completely lost it. The older woman handed me a box of tissues and I grabbed one, noisily blowing my nose.

"It might help to talk about it."

I shrugged.

"Besides, I'm dying of curiosity over here."

I chuckled softly and gave her a brief summary of my brunch that never happened. "I just never thought that I would be the type of woman to be involved in a love triangle. I mean, I don't look a thing like the women on the covers of mother's romance novels-"

Emily laughed. "Amanda, those are fiction – this is real life."

I rubbed my temples. "Yeah, but my life is a real-life spy novel! One day a dashing young spy asks me to help him and the next thing I know, we're working together, falling in love, getting m-" I swallowed my words. "I mean, engaged."

Emily smiled and patted my hand. "Of course, you do."

I decided it was time to change the subject. "Did you find out anything about PCP while I was gone?"

"Nothing you're going to like."

I sat up straight. "Tell me."

"The charity is only two years old – founded by a man named Jonathan Styles – and so far, I haven't been able to find a photograph of him anywhere."

"Styles – well, that can't be Sinclair since he served at least one year in prison."

"Yes, I confirmed that with Billy while you were gone – Sinclair spent twelve months in the state penitentiary before his deal was finalized and he was released." Emily had returned to Lee's desk and was reading notes from a small notebook.

"But where is he now?"

Emily shrugged. "No one seems to know – I'm trying to get in touch with his parole officer but so far the man isn't answering the phone."

"Okay then, back to Styles."

"That's all I have on him – just a name attached to the founding of PCP in January of 1985."

"Hmm, two months after Sinclair went to prison. Okay, you said you found out something I wouldn't like – what is it?"

"I talked to a friend of mine at metro – a detective named Alice. Asked her if she'd heard of PCP and she nearly jumped down my throat over the phone. It seems that between June of 1985 and April of this year, there have been four reported cases of missing teenage girls whose only connection is that they worked for PCP."

I jumped to my feet and crossed to her side. "Show me."

Emily pointed at her notebook, the names jumping off the page at me.

Jennifer Blackwell 6/21/85

Hannah Simms 2/1/86

Elizabeth Hanson 9/7/86

Tessa Willows 4/10/87

My finger lingered on Tessa's name. "Wait, there was another girl taken on the same day Meg went missing? Do you suppose Meg was a witness to Tessa's kidnapping and that's why she was taken as well?"

"I don't know – but Dr. Smyth and Maggie didn't report Meg as missing, remember, so as far as metro is concerned Tessa is the only one for April tenth."

"When we know that there are actually five, not four, girls that have been taken." I shook my head. "Why hasn't metro opened an investigation into PCP?"

Emily threw up her hands. "On what evidence? Yes, all the girls worked there, but that's the only link between them – and Alice told me that every time they have visited corporate headquarters, they have been nothing but kind, concerned, and cooperative. No hint of foul play or hanky panky going on. Alice has her own theory that they are harboring some sort of psycho – or serial killer – but she doesn't have the intel we do about Sinclair."

"Does she know you're British Intelligence?"

Emily lifted a hand, palm side down, and waved it sideways. "She knows me as an American citizen and that I work for the government – I've never specified which one or what my job is and, in this town, she knows enough not to ask too many questions. Why?

"Do you think she'd let you look at her interview notes from the girls' families – see if there is any useful information in them that we could use in our investigation?"

Emily nodded. "She owes me a favor – she just might let me cash it in on this. What are you going to do while I'm downtown?"

"I'm going to go see Maggie – see if Meg knew Tessa."


"Tessa's missing too? Dear God, no."

I set my teacup down and scooted closer to Maggie on the sofa. "Are you all right?"

Maggie took a big swallow of tea, her eyes fluttering shut and then opening to meet my gaze. The pain that was visible in them made my heart ache.

"I take it you know this girl?"

The older woman nodded. "Tessa is Meg's bestie – the two of them are inseparable, have been since middle school. If something's happened to her, Meg will be beside herself."

"So if Meg saw Tessa being kidnapped, she wouldn't hesitate to try and stop them-"

"No, Amanda, she wouldn't. She would fight tooth and nail to save Tessa, at the risk of her own life. Do you think that's what happened?"

"I don't know – it's just a theory."

"It sounds like a pretty good one to me."

I did my best to reassure Maggie, telling her that we had no new information or evidence of anything yet, and I promised to keep in touch. As I exited the house, I noticed a cable TV van parked two houses down. I stopped on the steps, taking time to memorize the license plate before turning and entering the house once again.

"Did you forget something, Amanda?"

"Is one of your neighbors having cable installed, Maggie?"

She frowned at me. "Most of us on this block don't even own TVs – we're retirees living on a fixed income and don't want to spend the money. Who's having cable installed?"

"Two houses down, white colonial with green shutters."

"Oh, I don't think so. That's Mr. Eastman's house – the man's deaf as a post. He wouldn't waste his money on a TV."

"Could I use your phone?"

"Sure."

I quickly dialed the Agency and used my clearance to be put through to Mr. Melrose.

"Trouble?" he asked me after I explained about the cable TV van and gave him the license plate number.

"I don't know – just a hunch."

"I've learned to respect your hunches, Amanda. I'll run the plate and we'll put a detail on Maggie's house. Were you tailed over there?"

"No, sir."

"Well, be sure to watch for one on the way back and lose it if you have one – but not before you get the plate number."

"Yes, sir."

"And Amanda?"

"Sir?"

"Be careful."


A/N: Uh oh - what happened to Tessa and the other girls? And who's in the van?

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