It was the quietest and most solemn night Thorin could recall. Nothing was spoken, for no one knew what to say. Everyone kept their eyes firmly fixed either on the cracking fire or on the ground. And one by one the members of the company lay down to sleep, mumbling quiet 'good nights' to one another. Fili, however, remained awake and staring numbly into the darkness, long after everyone else had drifted off. And Thorin remained sitting beside him, still holding him close and whispering words if comfort into his ear. After everyone else had fallen asleep, soft snores resonating through the camp, Thorin rolled out a sleeping mat and lowered Fili down on it, pulling a blanket over him as though he was a small child. The king could not recall the last time he tucked his nephew in to bed. Fili still did not let go of his brother's bow, he held it close to him as though it was made of pure gold, as though it was the most precious thing in the world. And then Thorin sat beside him, knees pulled up. With a sad sigh he looked upon his remaining nephew with a heavy heart. He place a hand on Fili's shoulder
"I'm so sorry," He said, a silent tear rolling down his cheek and into his beard, "You shouldn't have to endure this grief." Fili had his back facing him, and Thorin wasn't sure if he was even listening. Fili was probably beyond listening now. Thorin dragged his eyes away from him, he couldn't bare seeing Fili sleeping without his brother next to him. It wasn't right.
Whenever they slept, the brothers slept side-by-side, close enough for their shoulders to touch. Often sharing the same blanket for warmth. Frequently, while still fast asleep, Kili would turn onto his side and curl into Fili who, feeling the touch of the body beside him would, not matter how deep in sleep he was, turn onto his own side and would instinctively drape his arm over his sleeping brother. It had always been like this, even when they were young. The number of times Thorin had found that Kili had left his room to sleep in his brother's bed was more than he could count. In the end the younger brother's bed was moved into the elder's room. None-the-less, Thorin still frequently found them sharing a bed. Even on the journey the other dwarves would often wake to find them curled into one another. Even if they didn't curl into each other, a part of their bodies always touched in sleep. Whether it was Fili reaching his hand out so his knuckles brushed his brother's wrist, or Kili's head resting on Fili's outstretched arm. But now, Thorin and the company would never wake to see Fili and Kili sleeping within each other's hold. Now they would only see Fili, laying alone, arm outstretched, trying to grab hold of someone who would never sleep beside him again.
"Fili!" A voice called, "Fili, wake up!" Fili shifted as he was roused from his sleep. Someone shook his shoulders, he tried to push them away. He didn't want to wake up yet. "Come on, brother. I thought I was supposed to be the lazy sibling!" Brother? Fili knew that voice. "Wake up!" Fili's eyes flicked open. Kili was crouched above him, radiant, golden sunlight gleaming behind him, making the ends of Kili's hair shine gold. Kili's eyes twinkled and he smiled as brightly as the sun rising behind him.
"Ki…Kili?" Fili stuttered, hardly able to believe it. He rose an arm and placed a hand on the side of his brother's face, he could feel the warmth of Kili's skin beneath his palm.
"Of course it is brother." He rolled his eyes, "come on," he said excitedly, "we have a mountain to reclaim!" Kili laughed.
Kili's laugh echoed in Fili's mind as his eyes slowly opened. For one blissful moment went Fili awoke, all the heartache of the previous day was forgotten. All the grief disappeared in a brief moment of serenity. But that was cruelly ended the moment Fili's bleary eyes focused on the cold, empty space beside him. His arm was outstretched but there was nothing in his grasp. Fili's heart sunk. It had been a dream. Suddenly the pain returned, it felt like an avalanche or an icy flood. He covered his mouth with his hand as a choked sob escaped him, tears to roll down the side of his face and onto the sleeping mat as he remembered every unpleasant detail the orc revealed about his little brother's fate. His chest constricted and his heart felt as though it was shattering all over again. Fili suddenly felt very cold and alone, despite the fact that he was aware of his sleeping uncle's presence on his other side. Sunlight burst down through the tops of the trees, but it was nowhere near as bright and warm as it had been in his dream. The sun rose, but it shone dimly because the brightest part of Fili's life was gone. The sun would never be as radiant again. Kili always shined brighter than the sun
As the sun slowly rose, its light gleaming through the ever-thinning trees, the orcs finally came to a stop. Kili knew that his legs ached, but he didn't realise just how gmuch until he was stood still. It was all he could do to remain standing and not sink to his knees. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, feeling the warmth of the early morning sun on his skin. Kili felt out of breath from the hike, although he had walked for just as long, through more arduous terrain whilst carrying a heavy pack and weapons since leaving Ered Luin. He was weaker now. The cold days and nights tied to trees, the one 'meal' of raw meat, and the beatings had exhausted him. And he hated it. It made him feel pathetic. More than anything, it made him feel vulnerable. He clenched his fists, a burning determination in his gut. A determination to remain strong until the end. He was not going to give Azog the satisfaction of seeing him wither like a plant in the winter. He would not fall as quickly and quietly as the autumn leaves!
Azog dismounted his white warg, and passed the rope, which he had pulled the dwarf along with, to Gurlak who tugged it harshly enough that Kili almost fell to the ground. He watched Gurlak drag Kili to a tree, the dwarf pulling against him with small growls, teeth bared like a feral animal. Gurlak tugged again, this time Kili did fall forward. Gurlak kicked him in the gut and hauled him back to his feet by his hair. The boy kicked out, his boot catching Gurlak in the shin. Azog smirked. Fight all you like, little one, he thought, it will not help you. The pale orc wondered if Thorin was mourning, if his heart had broken for his nephew. Was he being torn apart by grief? Azog had already taken away the dwarf scum's grandfather, and now he believed that he had taken his nephew. He had caused Thorin so much pain, and it pleased him. He smiled again and patted his warg's shoulder.
"Thorin!" Someone was shaking him roughly, dragging him from his sleep. "Thorin!" Thorin batted them away with a groan, opening one tired eye. It took a moment for his vision to focus, the morning light of the sun causing the figure to appear like nothing more than a dark silhouette. Thorin blinked and rubbed his eyes. "Thorin," it was Bofur, staring down at him with troubled eyes, "Fili is gone."
"What?!" Thorin sat up so quickly, his head spun. He sucked in a deep breath. "What?" He asked again. He looked beside him and found that there was indeed an empty space. Fili's blanket had been tossed to the side and his brother's bow had been placed gently on his sleeping mat.
"Fili has wandered off." Bofur sat back on his heels. The usually cheerful dwarf appeared solemn and pale, there was dark circles beneath his eyes. It seemed that he too did not have a peaceful night's sleep.
"Did you see where?"
"No." Bofur shook his head, which, for once, did not have his hat on. "He was already gone when I woke up. I came straight to you."
"Damn it." Thorin ran a hand through his dark hair and stood up. He patted Bofur on the shoulder, "thank you." The exiled king quickly pulled on his coat and boots. His eyes flicked around the camp, some of the company were still asleep, whilst others were beginning to stir. Just as Thorin began to march across the camp, Bofur grabbed his arm.
"His swords are gone too."
"Mahal!" Thorin cursed, mind racing. He knew that his nephew was grieving greatly and doubted that he was in the right state of mind to wander into an unfamiliar forest alone with his swords. Thorin suddenly felt very concerned. "Dwalin get up now!" He kicked the warrior, who was still half asleep. "Dwalin!" He hissed. Dwalin grumbled and sat up, blinking against the sunlight. "We have to find Fili." Dwalin's head snapped to the side, brows furrowed.
"Why, where has he gone?"
"I don't know." Thorin said, walking away into the trees. "But he has his swords."
Bilbo sat on the log, digging his toes into the cold dirt. A dead leaf blew across the ground. He, Ori, Dori, Oin and Gandalf had been instructed to remain in camp, should Fili return on his own accord. But so far the only thing to appear through the shrubbery was a rabbit, which hopped into the clearing, sniffed the air and hopped back out again. Bilbo looked at the place where it had disappeared for a long while. A breeze blew through the leaves. Bilbo subconsciously tugged at a loose thread on his sleeve as his eyes flicked from person to person. He sighed. He didn't like this sad silence, he didn't like the pale faces and the way everyone's eyes seemed to shine a little dimmer that day. Each of the people around him was disheartened and weary and there was an air of hopelessness beneath the canopy. Before there was the hope that they would recover their stolen prince, that soon he would be back with them, making jokes and brightening the cold autumn days with his smile. But now, there was no hope. They were never going to get him back. For he was lost forever. Everything had changed, and the rest of the journey would not be the same as before. There would be less laughter, less hopeful talk of tomorrow, because tomorrow would be just as solemn.
Thorin had walked through the trees for some time before he found Fili in a small glen. It was around noon and blazing sunlight was radiating through the trees, turning the autumn leaves even more vivid colours. Fili was swinging one of his swords at a tree, hacking away at the trunk with angry grunts. Pieces of bark came away and fell to the ground in a trail of dust. He was using so much force, it was like he was slashing at Azog himself. Thorin sighed, and approached slowly. Taking cautious steps forward.
"Fili." He said, in a soft, low voice. Fili made no movement to suggest he had heard his uncle, his sword didn't miss his mark as it continued to flash gold in the sunlight, and his eyes didn't leave the tree. "Fili." But again the blonde did not pause. Thorin sighed and moved forward, a twig snapped beneath his boot. "Stop it, you'll blunt the blade."
"What use," Fili panted, taking another swing, "Is a sharp … sword if I can't … protect the people I love?" With an enraged cry he slashed once more, the blade getting embedded in the tree trunk. He growled and leaned against the tree, forehead pressing against the bark. His chest rose and fell in quick bursts. He balled a fist and hit it against the trunk. Thorin walked closer and saw that his nephew's face was red and his cheeks were tear stained. For a moment he said nothing, just watched him with a heavy heart. An orangey-brown leaf fell from the tree above.
"Fili. I know how you feel, you know I do." He placed a hand on Fili's shoulder and squeezed in an act of comfort and reassurance. "But you have to be strong."
"I can't. Kili gave me strength, and now I feel like I have none."
"He is in the halls of our fathers now."
"But he isn't though, is he?" Fili spat, head snapping to the side. Thorin sucked in a breath at how dark his nephew's eyes looked, how dead and empty they seemed. "He is in the stomachs of those dead wargs!" Fili reached for his sword again but Thorin stepped in front of him and pulled him into an embrace. At first Fili tried to pull away but then, with a sob, buried his face in the fur of his uncle's coat. "He was alone, Thorin. That's the worst part, that he was alone when he died, alone and scared. I may not have been able to save him, but at least he wouldn't have been alone." His baby brother was gone. He had died lonely and in pain, with nobody to hold him close and comfort him. Kili had nobody to make his journey into death easier. And that pained Fili the most; that his brother died without friends and with only orcs for company.
-AN-
More sadness, more feels!
Comparing I originally planned to have Kili get captured, "die" and be reunited by chapter 12, this is gonna be a rather long story. I hope you can all put up with it, I hope it wont drag too much.
As usual,
