Everybody and anything familiar belongs to Janet. Mistakes are mine alone.
"Care to elaborate on that, Batman?" Steph asked. "What part of your past? And how much of this am I not going to like?"
"It's not a big deal, but knowing you as well as I do ... you may take some issue with the man himself. A guy I saved is looking for a job once the world returns to just its normal state of insanity."
Olivia was beginning to stir so Stephanie straightened a pigtail and then looped both arms around what she could of our daughter's body just so she could physically feel our baby's wake-up.
"Why would I be mad at this guy for that?" My wife asked. "You're always giving someone a job somewhere. You know, I think I'm going to start keeping track of all the names of people you've rescued. Is there anyone you haven't saved at one point? Maybe all of us could form a club and meet every Tuesday for coffee and doughnuts or pizza and beer, and swap Ranger stories about how awesome you are."
"Funny," I told her.
I wasn't about to tell her she would need a stadium-sized room to fit everyone into. I've been at this for awhile.
"I wasn't really kidding," my wife said. "I've kept you so busy riding to my rescue over the last few years, I forget how many people you've saved before I barged into your life … and for the most part took it over."
"You couldn't take what I wasn't willing to give you, Steph. Remember that. Taking care of everyone else is my job. Nothing more."
I never fail to feel uncomfortable with this kind of praise. I just do what I'm trained to. If I weren't good at it, there would be no one alive looking to thank me for keeping them that way. It's that simple.
Steph didn't agree with me, she instead snorted at my statement. Although her brown eyes stayed closed, I saw Olivia's mouth form a one-sided smile when she heard the sound. I caught Steph's eye and then flicked mine back down to our baby, indicating that our sleeping beauty is for the most part awake.
"Since someone is still soooound asleep, maybe you can fill me in on who you're going to help now, and how you saved him back then."
"It's not a story for little ears even if she only understands every few words," I answered. "I'm still debating the wisdom of telling you before he flaps his gums about it, not underestanding the risk."
My wife snorted derisively again and this time got a muffled laugh out of Olivia. "Hah! Gotcha, Olive! You're awake, aren't you?"
"Nobe. Ebbies."
"More like no sleepies, unless you've taken up talking while you're still dreaming," her Mama replied.
A bigger smile emerged. Her wake up this afternoon is one of those stretching, cuddling, smiling, returns to consciousness that keeps our species from dying out. Just watching her from a slight distance away, had me wanting to order an exact replica of her. At one point, Olivia used her toes to clutch Steph's jeans and roll herself completely over onto her Mama for an interactive and full-body hug.
Stephanie knows a literal Mother's Day 'day' is planned in her and Edna's honor, but I honestly believe that hug is all she would want or ask for. Lucky for my wife and my Grandmother Mazur-in-law, I feel they deserve even more … starting with regular flowers, plus candy flowers, with breakfast and partially-ending with cake and gifts.
After another few sleepy-blinked quiet moments, Olivia was finally ready to rejoin those of us who are wide awake. As if it were choreographed in advance ... Mo and Gunny raised their heads off their paws just as our daughter lifted hers off of Stephanie's chest.
"Wow. That is really impressive," my wife said to me. "I still think it's pretty cool that you always know the exact moment I wake up, but that's because you've likely already been up for a few hours waiting for me to come to."
"I think it's something similar with Gunner and Ammo. If dogs can sniff out tumors and sense a seizure coming on, ours know when Olivia is close to sleep's surface."
"You have a point. God knows the boys and Olive have been spending enough time together lately for the three of them to learn everything there is to know about each other. Hmmm, have you learned anything new about me since we've had to hole up here?"
There are several that come immediately to mind, but I took a moment to really consider the question. "One significant thing is ... that for a woman who still claims to lack the patience gene, you've been incredible with not only Olivia, keeping her occupied without going crazy yourself, but with staying cooped up in our apartment for an extended length of time. I admit to being worried when this began that a tranquilizer may be required. Staying in one place beyond wanting to sleep in, is not something you were ever good at. You even gave your old cubby an unfortunate name if Bobby's reporting was factual, because you hated sitting in it for longer than it took you to eat a doughnut."
"Now who's being funny? Though Bobby's right, I did dub my little hellhole 'The Cell'," she told me, while helping our daughter slide down off the couch once she stole a baby-kiss. "I will say ... I had a mutual concern about my ability to do this, but if my keeping my butt in our apartment protects our daughter, our guys, and my Dad and Grandma Mazur ... I see it as just a teeny sacrifice. Besides, I learned something during all this ... like you've tried to get me to see eons ago, it's better to make something out of a bad situation, than just bitch about it. That way when it's finally over, at least you've accomplished something. I mean, we've already got a jump start on potty training, and on the flip side … have been convincing Olive to eat more food than she chucks. That's progress."
"Which brings me to another revelation," I said, taking Olivia's vacated place beside my wife.
"Oh, yeah?" She asked. "Like what?"
"I fully believe that you are a 'kid person' after all."
"Or ... I just really like our kids, because they're interesting people and incredibly fun to hang out with."
"And your nieces?"
"Well, they're pretty cool too."
"How about Angel?" I teased. "She's just a baby and can't do much."
"She can stick her tongue out at Kane, that alone says a lot about her taste and character. She, like Olive, is going to be an asset to womankind."
I just stared at her.
She blew out a sigh. "Fine. Kids aren't exactly repellent. I think I may have been just mirroring my mother's opinion of a child's role in life, or actually rebelling against her in general. If you finally grow up enough to not see kids as a burden, or something created just to make you happy if you're forced to live your life through them, you appreciate them for being their own people ... with their own unique view of the world that they'll share if you take the time to pay attention to them. I haven't seen this quarantine as 'being stuck' with you and our baby, it's been an opportunity to be with you and Olive that I wouldn't have had if I still had a busy schedule to keep up with. For this unexpected family time, with you two plus my Dad and Grandma, I've felt pretty grateful."
I tugged her closer while Olivia disappeared into her blanket fort with Mo. "You've been thinking about your father again," I stated.
"Yeah. After he called to say he and Grandma will be here bright and early Sunday morning, and inform me that Docs 1 and 2 think it will be better for him for us to wait until we can do our session in person with the four of us in one room, I've been thinking about why they felt something beyond a monitor is needed now. Did my Dad say something that worried them? Is he scared about what I could say or his reaction to it? Do they think he isn't ready for this because he hasn't progressed as much as they'd hoped? I can deal with my side of things, but I hate not knowing what's going on inside his head."
I kissed her temple in sympathy. "Physician/patient privilege is a bitch, no doubt about it. It was hell not knowing what Julie was feeling and telling her psychologist after Scrog, but I knew I couldn't and wouldn't interfere if it was helping her deal with the trauma. Her thoughts were something only she had the right to share with us. As her parents ...Rachel, Ron, and myself only received brief outlines of their sessions, but we weren't allowed to be told everything. I know how difficult this can be, but it ended okay for Julie and I."
"Your relationship is better than okay, if you ask me. But that was you saying my patience is lacking after all, isn't it?" She asked, tipping her head back against my bicep to look up at me.
"No. It was me stating that your capacity to care has no limits and you're worried about your father."
"I am, and thank you. I really needed to hear that people can bounce back, and that he'll be okay at the end of all this. My mother's going to carve out a special place in hell for him and Valerie for them 'choosing' not to be at the house for Mother's Day this year, which I'm guessing he's been worrying about himself."
"Frank will be alright. He has no alternative with you as his ready backup. Even if he returns to Helen when Jersey reopens, he's made enough progress to know what's been good for him ... and what will always remain toxic."
