Everybody and anything familiar belongs to Janet. Mistakes are mine alone.
"Okay, I can admit it now. You were right," Stephanie said, tipping her head to the side so she could look up into my eyes. "Soooo right."
I had my arms around her, crossed over her chest, with my back against the kitchen's archway watching the activity in front of us. I hate to admit that I've had training sessions that have actually been less productive than what we're currently witnessing.
"You mean I was right when I said to be careful about letting the men get too comfortable in our apartment?" I asked her.
She nodded. I felt the movement under my jaw more than saw her curly head move. "Yup. I thought I was just voicing a universal parent-problem, not waving red streamers in front of a bunch of eager Uncles."
"Saying that you need help, even in the conversational sense, in finding new ways to keep Olivia occupied and hopefully entertained, was your first mistake. Believing the men wouldn't take those words as a challenge and run full-throttle with it, was your second."
"And now we have a baby-friendly laser-alarm course running the length of our hallway," she said on a sigh.
I placed a kiss on the top of her curls. "Yes. And now we'll have a daughter who will grow up to be an expert in executing high-tech heists."
"I've tried to picture who Olive will be years from now, but that wasn't a goal I had for her," she said. She paused for a beat before speaking again. "But you know what? It's not one I'd mind having. Hang on, I really should see how much work I need to do in order to be able to moonlight as a cat burglar."
She kissed the underside of my jaw and then used two hands placed on my thighs to push herself away from my body. Normally, I'd try to pull her back to me at least once just to hear her laugh and get a kiss in return, but I'm always interested in what she can do. Today is no different.
She caught our daughter and picked her up for a full-body, rocking hug. Olivia had been crawling under the diagonally-strung streamers that were left over from her second birthday party. The ideal way to beat the course would be to step over, duck beneath, and lean around the paper streamers without touching them or ripping them and their tape off the wall. But my baby decided crawling beneath all the crepe-paper chaos was the better way to go after watching Gunny go that route when he wanted to get his bone in the living room.
My wife is more of a stormtrooper than a belly-crawler so she was going for broke by attempting to stay upright for the majority of the course. It didn't help lessen her determination that she had watched Tank and I separately - and at the same time - make it through without so much as causing the streamers to sway as we passed them. We're a hell of a lot bigger than she is and I knew with zero doubt that she would have to see if she can accomplish what we did. Her competitive streak rivals Julie's.
The problems in her past weren't because she's a screw-up or that she has bad luck or no skills. Having gotten close to her and allowed access to her thoughts, feelings, and fears ... I realized it was just that she's had no one standing in her corner, flipping off the Burg, and proving to her that she can do whatever the fuck she sets her mind to. She doesn't need to be our cheerleader so much as she's needed one herself. Being her husband, I feel that it goes with the job of loving and supporting her, and I don't half-ass anything I do.
"Okay, Olive-pie, what do I have to do if I want to rescue Mo way over there?" She asked our daughter, pointing to where Tank and Ammo are manning the door end of the obstacle course.
"You say … 'Mo, here'," I called, "and watch him come to you, Babe."
At the sound of my voice, Ammo picked his way around what he could until he dropped to the ground and went with Olivia and Gunner's method. An Army crawl canine-style until he reached me and then sat up at my feet for a head scratch.
My wife glared back at me. "I was going to go rescue him with Olive's help."
I grinned at her. "Now you're under no pressure. He's safely on this side with us. You can make it down the hall without having to worry about the mutt."
"You can come and rescue me, Steph. I know I'm going to be starving to death by the time you make it down to this end!" Tank raised his voice to say, as if there really is an insurmountable obstacle between us.
"Just for that crack, no more teddy-Tank-bear toast for you."
He put his hand over his heart. "That hit I felt."
"You're going to feel another one as soon as I get down there. Okay, Olive, how does Mama get over to GodTank?"
"Go tummy," our daughter advised, flicking her hand back and forth to mimic the movement of a broken streamer which creates waving flags, "so no lags."
"Go it. Tummy crawls equal no ripped streamer-flags. Thanks. Can Mama get a kiss for luck?"
After a resounding lip-smack, my wife was off. She stepped over one paper 'laser beam', ducked another, tried to get her curls under a horizontal streamer and quickly decided against it, hitting her stomach for a few inches before getting carefully back to her feet. I love her, but I'm also impressed with her. She's going slow enough that she would've been caught three times by now if this had been an actual art heist, but she managed not to trigger any alarms. Tank, being a smartass today, had found an app to replicate a triggered alarm sound whenever a streamer was touched. So far, it's only been used on Gunner and Lester. Gunny because he ignored his objective in favor of his treat, and Santos … well Santos is always in need of an ego check.
I felt a ridiculous amount of pride when my wife made it to the other side and high-fived Tank with genuine pride on her face. What some would consider just child's play, she took as seriously as she takes her time with Olivia. Our daughter will never have to question what's important in life with Stephanie as her role model. My wife's motto now seems to be ... if you're going to do something, do it in a way you can be proud to talk about.
"If you get back to me, Babe, with no incident or streamer-shredding, you'll get a reward."
"You can't tone it down for a minute, can you?" Tank asked me. "With children, pets, and me present, you should have more self-control."
"I wasn't talking about that kind of reward, but I'll include something of that nature just for you being a di … ah … polla," I corrected, before Olive could pick up another word to repeat at inappropriate times.
At least if I swear in Spanish, only my family and my men will know, and they'd never consider chastising Olivia for saying anything ... good or bad. Them choosing to laugh at what she does say is a whole other matter we're still working on.
"Stop calling Tank names and give me a hint about what my motivation is."
Steph bent down to scoop up our baby, who had belly-crawled back to her Mama, again, acquiring a paper tail this time that's sticking out of her butterfly-printed leggings. Tank showed me that I'm correct by not app-ing my baby with an alarm for taking part of the course along with her this time.
"Mama did it, Olive! But now I've gotta get back to Daddy without messing everything up." After another kiss, she put Olivia down only to watch our daughter smoke her a minute and a half later. "Is it really fair if she's three-feet shorter than I am?"
"I'm a foot taller than you, Steph, and I did it," Tank teased.
"And there goes your Parmesan broccoli tree-privileges," she informed him.
"Whatever will I do?" He deadpanned with no remorse.
"Have to order pizza after I have a word with Ella. She likes me almost as much as she loves Olive, and she could cut you off from the control room kitchen if I ask nicely."
"You're a mean mother…"
"Tank," I said with an impending threat looming.
"I was gonna stop there," he swore.
"If you value your life at all you would have," I told him.
"Enough about Tank," Steph said, "more about what you're going to owe me."
"Get yourself over here so you're with Olivia, the boys, and I, and you'll find out."
She glanced at me and then back at Tank. "Do you think you're strong enough to just toss me back to the Boss?" She asked him.
"Yes," he replied while I said a "No" that left no room for debate.
I don't trust either of them not to test out if he could do what she's thinking.
"Fine," she told me. "Here I come."
And she did her best to leave all the hallway paper intact. In her last sideways shoulder duck before reaching me, she managed to pull one tape-tab from the wall.
"Shi … eesh, but I really mean a word I can't say," she said out loud, really disappointed that she didn't make it both ways seamlessly.
"You did good. Proud of you, Babe."
She accepted a high-five from Olivia, since that's what we've all been exchanging at both ends of the course.
"Proud enough to still give me a prize?"
"Always."
I let Olivia head back to Tank while I took a piece of paper out of the front pocket of my cargo pants and handed it to my wife.
Her eyebrows went way up and stayed there. "Arlen Boyce? Who's that?"
"The man Celia has been seeing, supposedly on the sly. She's serious enough about him now so I finally got a name out of her."
"Before or after you tracker-ed her and investigated him?"
"Those particular details aren't important in this case."
"Ooookay. That answers the whole did you invade your sister's privacy question. As happy as I am for her … wait, is he good enough for her?"
"On paper … he seems to be. He hasn't proven himself worthy of her to me in the flesh yet, but I haven't had an urge to kill him so far when I've spoken to him. That's a point in a pro-column for him."
"You really need to stop threatening to kill people around Olive or her preschool days are going to involve nothing more than meetings between us and state plus school officials."
I leaned forward to kiss her as we heard a small hand-smack when Olivia gave Tank the expected high-five with a toddler's enthusiasm.
"You worry too much," I told my wife.
"I have a lot to worry about. This year especially."
"Which brings me back to Boyce," I said. "Would you like to do a search on him yourself? Or do you want me to provide a shortcut and tell you why I'm suddenly so interested in who my sister is dating?"
She snorted. "You're always sticking your nose in their love lives. You're actually way worse than your Dad when it comes to that, because he would threaten the guys for effect, where you'd actually torture them to act as examples for the rest of mankind."
"I'd say your wife knows you pretty well," Tank told me, suddenly appearing behind us with Olivia sitting on his shoulders.
Steph looked at them and then glanced past them. All the streamers are exactly how she'd left them. "I swear to God, Tank, if you made it through that with Olive on your shoulders, without turning into a walking paper-shredder, I'm going to change my reward and ask Ranger to shoot you as part of it."
"What happened to your preschool concerns?" I teased.
"Great. Our baby is doomed. We're both violent. Olive has a sippy cup in the fridge if she's thirsty," she said in Tank's direction as the pair moved further into the kitchen. "Now back to Celia's boyfriend …"
"We're not calling him that yet. As I've said, he has yet to have earned the honor or that title."
"Alright. I'll try another angle. Why would you consider Celia's man-friend a reward for me?"
"For one thing, he's a damn good lawyer from what I've been hearing …"
"What's being reported to you, you mean."
"Same thing."
"So he's not a Kloughn-type almost-lawyer, but a really effective one?"
"Yes."
"Like one we can pelt with questions during family dinners … if we ever get a chance to all get together in one place again?"
"Not that we need to with the legal team I have, but yes again. It's his father who really caught my attention."
"Oh yeah? Who is he and why's he so interesting?"
"His name's Thaddeus Boyce. And he's the Chief Justice of Jersey's highest Court."
"Whoa …" she said on an exhale. "He's heading up New Jersey's Supreme friggin' Court?"
"Yeah, I thought that would get you. Since your mother is all about family connections, how many shades of white do you think she'll turn at the thought of you possibly being related to someone who rules on the entire state's cases?"
"Please tell me you've figured out a way for us to be able to see that color-change happen in real time?"
"Bloodthirsty much?" Tank asked, coming out carrying a sipping Olivia on his arm while flipping Gunny and Mo Ella-made pumpkin/peanut butter treats from the canister on our counter with his free hand.
"She wants to punish Grandma Mazur to hurt us and control my Dad," Stephanie said to him. "She's lucky a reaction is all I'm after."
