All familiar characters belong to Janet. Olive, her dogs, and any mistakes are mine.

"I don't believe this," Frank said when I opened the door to him.

Stephanie proved she's working on stealth by materializing behind me when she'd been in the kitchen with Olivia only a moment ago.

"Believe it, Dad. Never underestimate Grandma or Shirley or the havoc they can wreak together."

My father-in-law had no words, just shook his head as he walked to the kitchen, absently stroking Gunny and Mo's flanks on his way.

"Bampa!" Olivia called, running over to show him the toddler toy microphone Santos gave her in hopes of irritating the shit out of us.

The laugh's on him since it has just given Stephanie and I an even earlier warning system for an impending Olive-ambush. No more breaking apart in the nick of time when I was too fixated on my wife to hear the mattress on Olivia's big girl bed creak as she crept out of it. We now know that when we hear an amplified "Va, va, va," I can work in one more kiss before I had to release the hold I had on my wife.

"Hey, little girl," he said to his granddaughter. "What do you have for Grandpa to play with today?"

"A ika own," she answered, holding it out for him to speak into.

She's irresistible in a blue tie-dyed T-shirt dress made from fabric as soft as her Mama's skin, her dark hair running wild, and her feet bare for added traction. Instead of saying or singing something, Frank faked a sneeze in the direction of the toy. Given the world we're now living in, a sneeze or cough would be cause for major concern, but he's as negative on the virus front as Helen is when it comes to her personality, so Steph and I just relaxed and watched a smile explode on Olivia's face right before she doubled over in a fit of baby giggles.

You can spend a shitload of money on the latest toy trends, and though they may enjoy some of it … like her current microphone … a dramatic sneeze that would make Broadway proud, a tickle-fight, or an empty box will always inspire the most genuine reaction out of kids. Peek-a-boo worked every single time with Julie for the first year-and-a-half of her life.

Olivia wound down and gave Frank a leg-hug before running after Gunny when he stole Mo's tennis ball and took off with it.

"Do they ever stop?" He asked us, watching the three disappear towards the bedrooms.

"Only when we insist on naps," Steph told her Dad. "Now onto the grown-up's game. Did you really think you filing for divorce wouldn't be a Burg bombshell?"

"No, but I didn't believe I'd immediately be put up on an auction block. I may not see a future with your mother, but that doesn't mean we don't have a past that should be respected."

"The Widows of the Burg are respecting you, Dad. That's why they've been contacting Grandma Mazur first to feel out your feelings about getting back in the dating saddle."

"Jesus," he whispered, likely resisting the urge to cross himself and find some Holy Water stat. "I haven't thought that far ahead."

Steph patted his arm sympathetically. "Ergo the calls to Grandma. Consider her your secretary to the outside world until you're ready and able to enter that phase of your life again."

As if the conversation summoned her, there was another impatient knock on our door. This time, a voice came in loud and clear through it.

"Is Frank hidin' in there?" Edna called.

He now looked hunted. "I've stopped wondering where Helen got it from."

Steph narrowed her eyes at him. "That's not a fair comparison. Grandma uses her powers only for good. Okay, most of the time she does."

"Stop being a ninny and listen to me for a minute, Frank," Edna ordered the second I let her inside. "I'm only makin' a point, not forcin' ya to do anythin' with my information."

"While we're on the subject, why are you getting involved in a love life that doesn't exist yet?" Steph asked her.

"'Ol Frank here thinks he don't got nothin' to offer anyone. I was just showin' him the list I go of about twenty church ladies who're hopin' to show him how wrong he is about that."

Steph cut her eyes to me. "What's wrong is my mother's mother trying to set my father up with other women."

"I've found that nothing is out of the realm of possibility when it comes to your family, Babe. This is one of the less freaky scenarios."

She elbowed me knowing that my revenge will be a kiss for her in front of her family, which she still occasionally blushes over.

"Don't you start too," Edna said to Steph. "He has Dr. Cutie helpin' him out with the head stuff, so I thought I'd lend him a hand in the heart department. You know I love my daughter, as much as it's possible to, but Frank don't owe her nothin' no more."

"Gandy!" Olivia shrieked, rejoining us after switching out toys with Gunny.

Edna leaned down and braced herself. "Hiya, cuddle bot. I hope you've been keepin' your parents on their toes like I told you to."

"You two need to stop speaking to each other," I teased.

"Fat chance of that happenin'. Your lives would be boring without me."

Steph and I locked eyes. The past two years of our life together flashed between us … having our daughter, serious threats to both of our lives, a hate crime directed at one of my own, tracking down a serial killer, a few weddings, a daughter for Kane and a son on the way for Cal, an adult custody issue, and now a divorce and the fallout from it. And that's not even bringing in the business side of things. Our life can be called many things … but being boring will never be a concern of ours.

"No doubt," I told Edna instead.

She had lifted Olivia up for a hug but both Steph and I were concerned she couldn't hold our baby for long. Not only is Olivia growing ... her fingers, feet, and head, work independently of the rest of her body. Olive could probably incapacitate a skip with a thumb or a pigtail without even trying.

"Why don't you come and sit down, Grandma," Steph suggested. "I can put on coffee and we can discuss this rationally so no one feels like they need to hide."

"You got any coffee cake?" Edna asked her.

"No, but we have some spinach waffle bites you can test out."

Edna went quiet trying to process what those were and why anyone would want one, but she recovered quickly.

"Do you got ingredients for cake?" She asked.

Steph shrugged. "You might have to look around and then improvise with what you find. I usually only attempt something when I know Ella's available to take questions or bring up something I didn't know I needed. Plus, Ranger doesn't believe in cake so Olive and I would be the only ones eating it. She should get in a few good years of eating vegetables before she becomes my snacker-in-crime."

Edna let Steph take Olive from her, but she wasn't letting my father-in-law off the hook. "Frank, go on and get the eggs out. We can come up with somethin' as long as we got eggs and anything sweet."

I glanced at Steph. "And you wonder why I try to keep only healthy food on hand."

Edna's pale blue eyes zeroed in on us before her hands began making shooing motions. "You kids go on and relax. Frank and I can whip us up some coffee and cake."

Stephanie and Olive moved my way. Steph so she could get a kiss and an eyeroll in, and Olive so she could have a bird's eye view of the mayhem from the comfort of my shoulders.

"Did we just let my family take over our kitchen?" My wife asked, as the three of us eventually went to see where our dogs ended up.

"Yes, but they're getting along and seem to be enjoying themselves, so we can leave them alone for the time being. Maybe they'll work out the dating issue while the cake is baking without needing our input on the matter."

She tickled the sole of Olivia's foot and followed me into the living room. She took advantage of our daughter's descent to get a kiss before I released her so she could run back and forth between us and the activity her grandparents were generating in the kitchen.

"While we have a moment," I said, pulling my wife to me and lowering us both down onto the couch, "what are your feelings on Frank moving on?"

She slung her legs over my lap and then sighed. "I don't know what I'm feeling. I know Mom will completely crush him now if he ever went back to her, but to picture him with someone else … maybe even a woman I've known my entire life? I honestly can't picture it. I was never good at dating, so I'm guessing he'll be as bad - or even worse - than I was. He's had Mom in his head a lot longer than I did."

I lifted her hand and tugged gently on it until she moved from the cushion beside me and onto my lap. "The big difference between the two of you is Frank blocked out Helen - and also huge sections of his life - to some degree. You, Babe, woke up every day and had to constantly confront it until you went to sleep at night. Your father was able to protect some parts of himself by separating himself from them. Your heart and head were fully exposed to the toxins day in and day out, every day of every week."

I felt her head move to look up at me. "You make it sound like I was doomed if you hadn't come along and saved me."

I pressed a kiss to her curls and watched as Olivia called Mo and Gunny back into the living room with a shouted 'Mo unny!'

"I have no doubt that you would have saved yourself without me. My point was that you never closed off any part of yourself, even if that would have spared you a ton of hurt, so every piece of you was in danger of being damaged by Helen and those like her who came later."

"And that's a good thing?" She asked, extricating Olivia's microphone from Gunny's mouth and handing it back to Olivia, while also subtly nudging a 'What Am I?' book in her direction since it is a quieter toy.

"It is a good thing that you weren't willing to kill almost all of your emotions in order to survive. You shored them up instead so you could eventually escape and still remain a trusting and caring person. You learned who you are and what you wanted because you weren't starting at 'completely dead inside'. Frank may have harder and easier times in some circumstances because he still doesn't fully grasp what he could have lost or what's been done to him."

"I'm starting to think your real superpower is making me feel better than I actually am. I guess if I think about it, I'm happy for Dad … as long as he doesn't snag a Helen 2.0 model. He deserves someone who actually cares about him and what he wants in life. It's funny, I've always wished for a different mom, it's so weird that my wish could come true now. Though I have Mama Manoso and she's like three loving mothers all rolled into one body."

"I want to say it can't be worse than what you've had, but I know better. For every evil person in the world, there are five others that will take their place. Fortunately, there are many incredible people as well. I don't want Edna to hear this, but her vetting your father's prospects isn't an altogether bad thing. She knows what he needs to avoid going forward."

"I get that, but he probably needs time to mourn his marriage before he contemplates moving away from it with someone new. As you pointed out, he and I are different in a few ways. I came close to burning the house down with Dickie and Joyce still inside it, whereas Dad still believes he needs to honor the years he had with Mom despite what she's done."

"Have I ever told you that I find your bloodthirsty side sexy as hell?" I asked her, allowing my hands and lips to wander while our baby was busy with Mo.

"You have," Steph sighed into my mouth. "I know there's no one like you, but if there was … I really want a similar versions for my Dad and Grandma. They each deserve to have someone believe in them as heroically as you've stood by me."

"Whoever wants those jobs will have to get through my screenings to accomplish is. The perk of being the boss is I could've told you that I'm in your best interest and any search my company ran would've back me up. Anyone who catches Frank or Edna's eye, won't be afforded special treatment."

"I never cared what I heard said about you, your good-guy-ness has always backed you up, nothing else was needed in my mind."

"Mama, eyes da ball," Olivia said to Steph, holding up another tennis ball, this one orange.

"I see that. Did you steal it from Mo or Gunny, or are you three sharing?"

"We dairing da doys."

Steph smiled at her. "Good girl. Mama and Daddy are proud of you. The boys need toys to play with too, so they won't try to chew Mama's shoes again."

"I warned you not to kick them off at the front door," I reminded my wife.

"Spoken like a guy who isn't required to wear four-inch heels."

"Says a woman who is always told to wear more comfortable shoes. Every time, you just shake your head at me, play the fashion card, and assure me that you could work out in your heels if you were inclined to make your workouts more strenuous."

She took her legs off my lap and put her sneakered-feet back on the floor. "Olive, Daddy wants one of those neck-hug/kiss moves we've been working on."

Like with Santos, this torture attempt backfired. This is one of my two favorite retaliations of hers. The other involves kissing too, but with my wife testing the limits of my willpower. Turns out, my self-control does have a breaking point.

With one little hand on my knee and the other on Steph's, Olivia pushed herself up onto the couch and then got me in a headlock so I 'couldn't escape'. As if I would. I may not be able to freeze these moments in time, but I'm sure as hell going to collect as many of them as I can before she's too mature to indulge me any further

Because her Mama has a mean streak to her, not only does Olive have a death grip on my neck … her kisses were loud lip-smacks to every inch of my face like Steph does to her every chance she gets ... except during bath time. She learned the hard way that getting a baby excited near water means you'll end up wearing half of it.

"Now ain't that the sweetest sight," Edna said from just inside the living room doorway.

"They are pretty cute," Steph agreed. "Olive loves her Daddy. Do you love Daddy even more than that?"

I cut my eyes to my wife and raised an eyebrow at her before preparing for a second round from our little kiss machine.

"This is going to be so much more fun once Olive discovers the joy of chocolate. You'll have milk chocolate Olive prints all over your face."

I rolled my eyes Stephanie's way again and made them go dark, letting her see where I'd choose to leave chocolate prints on her very naked body.

She gulped. "Uh, Grandma, um do you need us for something?"

"Darn tootin' I do. Frank won't listen to me …"

"Sure he will. I saw him head straight for the eggs. He's actually handy around the kitchen when he's allowed into one."

Edna pinned her stare on me so that was the first thing I saw when Olivia considered me sufficiently loved.

"He ain't convinced I'm not just meddlin'," Grandma Mazur told us. "I need Ranger here to explain to that stubborn man that I ain't my daughter, and am only lettin' him know it's okay to move on and be happy."

I got to my feet, reversing our positions so I now had my daughter in my arms instead of hers hooked around me. I held out a hand for Steph to take, and together my little family headed back into the kitchen to remind my father-in-law that he deserves to be loved too.