I'm to the point where I kind of wish I'd just wrapped up this story awhile ago but I refuse to give ya'll a copout ending so I WILL finish it, it's just gonna be slower than originally intended.

Anyway, here's the next part lol

~TH~

Dean had been released only hours after waking up. Mac had run a few tests and then signed the release papers. It wasn't very Mac like so there was probably something else going on. There was the possibility of the cops connecting him which no one wanted to happen. From What he understood, things had been cleaned up before the cops got there but he was skeptical. Whatever. Going to prison was the least of his concerns right then. In fact it sounded pretty nice. Then at least decisions would be being made for him instead of whatever was going on now.

He was tired. So bone achingly tired that he barely felt human. Mac was right. He was putting on weight quickly. Building muscle mass faster than should be possible. Apparently supernatural viruses were easier to deal with than the real thing. But he had almost no appetite which was causing some minor setbacks. "Getting back to normal" wasn't as big of an incentive as everyone seemed to think it was. But he was getting better.

So why did everything feel so wrong in his head? He knew that before he went to Whiteman he'd been pretty screwed up. It wasn't like he didn't know that. He'd accepted it before he'd hit his teen years. He just didn't know it could get worse. All that anger and anxiety that had seemed to fade away at the very presence of the Entetee seemed to be amplified now. Before he had been able to hide it away. Compartmentalize. Focus on something else. Convince everyone that he was fine and doing okay even when deep down he knew he was falling apart. Sometimes he had even been able to fool himself. But now? Now he couldn't hide it. He couldn't make everyone believe he was okay.

Now everyone knew how messed up he was. His dad saw him as such a screw up that he'd left before Dean could even see him.

And yeah Dean wasn't exactly how he felt about his old man. But it would have been nice to at least hear an apology. Not that John Winchester did those.

But he saw his brokenness in every interaction he had with those at the farmhouse.

Every glance. Every word.

It was like the world revolved around him, and that had never been what Dean wanted.

He'd wanted a seat at the table, sure. He'd wanted to not be the last person thought of in every instance. But he'd never wanted to be the center of attention. Especially not this much.

And sure maybe he didn't really talk anymore, it's not like he was normally a chatterbox.

Well.

Sometimes he was.

But they needed to stop acting like not talking was the end of the world.

He wasn't four anymore. He knew what he was doing.

The food was another matter. Talking? Yeah okay, leave him alone.

Not eating? He could see the concern.

But it just made him miss Whiteman more. At the Castle, no one cared if he decided not to eat for days. No one cared how many meals he skipped or how much of his plate he finished.

Here everyone was watching him. Did he eat enough? Did he eat at all?

And worst of all? He felt guilty for wanting it back.

While before everything in him had longed for the Entetee and no logic could break through, now he knew the logic. He knew he should hate him. That he had been a horrible creature that preyed on broken kids. But his heart hadn't quite figured that out yet.

Dean plopped back in the bed. Caleb's bed. Mac had thought it might be better to give Sam and Dean a little more time apart and for once Dean agreed. It wasn't that he hated or felt any ill feelings towards his brother, he was just tired.

That bone aching tired that couldn't be fixed with sleep.

He needed something, anything to make him feel better.

Wait.

He sat up, mind already turning.

There was something that would make him feel better.

Even with the Entetee gone it would still work, right?

The duffle had been untouched since Dean's return. No one felt the need to search and Dean had been trying to put distance between himself and those weeks away. But now he emptied the bag almost frantically.

Then he saw them.

They were there. At the bottom of the bag. There weren't many left but they were there.

He didn't stop to consider the implications. He refused to think. His hands were working. The lid was opened. A small pill was sliding down his throat.

He didn't know they would work.

Maybe now that Whiteman was gone…

If nothing else hopefully his brain would trick him into feeling better.

But-

But this was good.

This would help.

It had to.

Anything was better than whatever his life currently was.

~SPN~

Caleb was to a point where he no longer knew what to do. He'd given Dean the space he asked for. But it felt wrong. Deuce should be coming to him. Even if he trusted no one else, Dean had proven that he trusted Caleb, so why did he suddenly withdraw?

He knew it had only been a few days since he was released from the hospital. But he'd already gone so long without Dean-

"Caleb," Jim put the last plate on the table and glanced up. "Would you go see if Dean will be joining us?"

Caleb personally felt like Dean should be forced to join them. He didn't know what they expected to accomplish by just allowing Dean to drift further away.

He understood giving the kid space. But it had been days.

Mac was quick to point out it hadn't even been a week. But Caleb was impatient. He didn't realize that getting Dean back didn't mean getting him back. And it wasn't fair.

"Yeah I'll run up."

"Get Sam too." Jim smiled.

Caleb nodded before turning to go upstairs. Sam had also been withdrawn. He'd never left the waiting room in the hospital, his first glimpse of Dean having been the shaky exit to the car.

Caleb stopped at Sam's room first. Sam had seemed pleased to get his own room, but also guilty. It seemed teenage Sam's constant state. Caleb was staying in John's room. That was another issue entirely. The man didn't even have the nerve to stay after causing this mess.

A short knock and a muffled "come in" had Caleb pushing the door open.

"Dinner."

"Is Dean coming?"

"Don't know."

"'k." A pause. "Does he hate me?"

It was so innocent and blunt. Caleb hadn't expected it. It was so much like young Sam. The innocent boy who wanted nothing more than to tag along on his big brother's adventures. It hurt in an unexpected way.

"Your brother could never hate you." Of that he was sure. No matter what Dean felt, hate wasn't in his vocabulary. Not when it came to his family.

"Maybe he should."

Caleb couldn't really argue that at the moment. Hate was a strong word. Caleb wasn't sure that he would go that far. But he definitely did not feel all warm and cuddly when Sam entered his mind. It wasn't as strong as the feelings he felt for John, but it was definitely up there. Maybe when Dean was back to normal Caleb wouldn't feel a strange anger towards the other two Winchester's.

"Jim's expecting you to be down in a few minutes."

"Yeah." Sam said quietly. He slowly stood and slipped past Caleb without looking at him.

Caleb turned toward his own room, knowing Dean would be in there. He was seldom anywhere else. He let out a deep breath. He didn't knock this time, just pushing the door in. Dean may not even notice if he did. And if he heard it, there was no guarantee he would be willing to respond.

Dean had his back turned, but jumped at the noise. He spun around, an exasperated look on his face. The fact that any emotion was showing through was unexpected.

"Dude, learn to knock."

"Uh, sorry." Caleb didn't know how to react, that might have been the longest string of words Dean had managed since getting home from the hospital. "Dinner's ready."

"Did Jim make mashed potatoes? I thought I smelled them."

"I think so?" This entire conversation was weird. A few months ago, Caleb wouldn't have thought anything of it. But right now? This was good, right?

"You better not eat them all, I call dibs on first helping." Dean nudged Caleb with his shoulder as he raced to the dinner table.

Caleb spent a moment staring at the empty room, feeling nothing but shock.

Maybe he'd gotten his wish?

~SPN~

Dinner was weird.

Dean was... Good. Caleb wasn't sure how to respond to it. Dean ate two helpings of food and talked nearly the entire time. He hadn't done either since the whole ordeal started.

He asked about Caleb's today. He asked about Sam's day. He eveIn asked Jim and Mac about their day. There was no malice or sadness or anything else that had surrounded Deian for such a long time. The fog of depression and angst seemed to have mentled away.

It was so refreshing and Caleb found himself feeling good for the first time since Dean had disappeared. Seeing Dean okay wiped away some of the guilt he was experiencing.

After dinner, Dean said he was going to go for a walk. No one argued with him. He hadn't left the house since they'd come to the farm.

Sam went back to his room, giving a weird look towards the door Dean had just exited. Jim began cleaning up the kitchen, and Mand Caleb made their way to the living room. Caleb felt elated. Dean was back to normal and that's all he could ask for. He plopped down on the couch, reaching for the TV remote.

Mac stood in the middle of the room, a frown etched on his face.

"Dad?"

"How was Dean when you went up there today?"

Caleb shrugged. "Surprisingly fine. It was great!"

"I see."

"Is that a problem?" Caleb couldn't see how that could possibly be a bad thing.

"I'm just- the complete turn around is concerning."

"How? Doesn't this just mean that he's finally better?"

"It's just… a really fast turn around. If that is what it truly is, then it's wonderful. But I'm afraid it's not that simple."

"Then what do you think it is?"

Mac sat down, leaning forward. "Sometimes when someone has been through an ordeal, they actually show signs of improvement when they're at their worst."

Caleb's heart sank. "Is that what you think this is?"

"I'm not sure. Sometimes a sudden emotional turn around can be caused by suicidal idealations."

Caleb stood, feeling suddenly defensive. "You don't really think-"

"I don't know Caleb. It's just something to consider. I simply don't want you to think that everything is back to normal. Just keep an eye on him."

Caleb would. He'd figure out what was going on. If Dean wasn't okay now, he'd make sure to change that.

~TH~

See it's not even that I don't know what I want, I do. It's all planned out. I'm just struggling to write it lol.

But we're getting there. Someday my life won't be absolute chaos and I'll have a minute to actually write. I'm not trying to complain I'm just *screams*

Anyway, please let me know what you thought.

Love you guys even if I'm a bit slower for the updates.

I'm also writing some one-shots because writing is my destressor and so I have to write what's in my head. I am getting there though, I promise.

Please don't hate me lol.

Much love and God bless,

Jamie