The Recovery Road - Part II - Confessions

Shane felt lost in a sea of boredom. Her life felt more and more pointless with each passing day. She felt like she had no purpose. With so much time to spare, she couldn't help but remember her ordeal over and over again. She was feeling depressed and at a loss as to how to step out of it.

Lucy, her day nurse, noticed Shane was slowly becoming too introspective. When she started working with Shane, she was glad to find Shane was keen to live life as a gift that was restored to her. She wasn't going to take it for granted. Lately though, it seemed Shane was having trouble finding a good reason to keep hoping… to keep living. She decided to talk to Karen about it. The two nurses met to compare notes. It seemed Shane was having nightmares. She was afraid of the dark and her sleeping patterns had changed. She spent most of the night on her computer and slept during the day. Karen, who often saw Oliver with Shane in the early evenings, decided she would go see him at his place of work, talk with him and see if he had any insights regarding Shane's changed outlook on life.

Oliver heard his name being called on the loudspeaker asking him to report to the front desk. He had no idea what this was about, but the moment he saw Karen he felt trepidation. "Hi Oliver, I need to talk to you. Is there a place where we can talk in private?" He couldn't think of any place in the main branch where they could have privacy so they left to have coffee at the Mailbox Grille. "So, Oliver, have you noticed any changes in Shane?" Karen started.

"Well, apart from the fact she's gained most of her weight back, she has been doing very well with her dislocated shoulder and the cast will come off next week. I don't think I've noticed anything else. Why? Is there a problem?" Karen cleared her throat. "Well, I think Shane is feeling a little lost lately. She needs purpose again. I understand the DLO and her work with you and your team are an integral part of Shane's life. I know you two have discussed the idea of her going back to work in a few weeks' time, but I think you should make it sooner." Oliver wrinkled his brow in worry. "What's going on Karen?"

"She's afraid of the dark; to the point she doesn't want to go to sleep at night. When she does, she wakes up screaming with nightmares. So, she's decided to stay up all night playing on her computer. She's become an avid gamer. Then she sleeps most of the day. Lucy told me she doesn't do anything else during the day. I'm worried about her, Oliver. She only perks up when you're there. Your visits are obviously the highlights of her days and she looks forward to seeing you with great excitement." Oliver was surprised to hear this as she seemed so happy when he was there with her. He obviously didn't realise it was the only time of her day when she was happy.

"In your expert opinion, do you think she's ready physically to go back to work?"

Karen thought about it practically and finally said, "Yes. Probably not full time to start with, but instead a few hours each day."

Oliver was deep in thought. He felt a sense of responsibility towards Shane, more so than that of a mere boyfriend. They were connected to each other on a deeper level the word "boyfriend" didn't quite cover it. He was also obviously her boss, but that part only meant something if she was actually back at work. "Ok, Karen, what do you suggest?"

"Well, today is Friday. Why don't you suggest to her this coming Monday you would like her to start spending a few hours at work? You could pick her up in the morning and bring her back home when you think she's had enough." "Ok, I can certainly do that." "Just don't take no for an answer, Oliver. Shane's state of mind is hanging in the balance here. If we don't act now to help her, the results could be catastrophic considering what she lived through for 5 weeks." Oliver understood that very well. He was always amazed she didn't seem to show any emotional fallout as a result of her ordeal. What was obvious now is she had been expertly hiding it from him.

That evening Oliver brought Shane a bouquet of yellow roses and informed her they were going out for dinner. Karen quickly jumped into action to help her get ready. He had reservations at Donatellos. Shane was delighted to dress up and find herself fitting beautifully into one of her dresses. They no longer hung loosely around her body but instead accentuated her nice curves… all in the right places. Oliver swallowed hard as he saw her for the first time in a long time, looking so elegant and so feminine. "My goodness, Shane, I'd almost forgotten how beautiful you are." She smiled happily. He took her walking stick to the car, then came back and scooped her into his arms and said, "See you later Karen. You can watch all the romcoms tonight uninterrupted." Shane added giggling, "Don't eat all my chocolate."

They arrived at Donatellos and Joey greeted them warmly. He went to get Kaitlin to say hello. Shane was already sitting when Kaitlin came back. She was smiling a most glorious smile and sporting a late pregnancy tummy. Shane got up a bit clumsily to give Kaitlin a heartfelt hug. Shane wiped tears of happiness away and wished both of them all the best. As Joey and Kaitlin walked away holding hands, Shane sighed wistfully. Oliver noticed it.

"Are you ok, my darling?" Oliver asked tenderly. "Yes, I'm just so happy for them." More tears ran down her face. Oliver reached inside his pocket and passed her a handkerchief. As she composed herself, he said, "I have a surprise for you." He reached again inside his breast pocket and produced an envelope with an unreadable and indecipherable address and put it on the table in front of her. "What's this?" She asked wrinkling her brow. "It's a love letter, very similar to that first one that hooked you into the DLO and my life… Kelly's letter to Charlie, remember?" "How can I ever forget?" She said looking at him dreamily. "But, why are you bringing me this letter here… today?" "It's your first assignment, Ms McInerney, starting on Monday." "What?" She looked a bit panicky. "I don't think I'm ready, Oliver." "Oh, I disagree. I think you are ready. I think we're all ready! We all need you more than you can fathom. Not to mention that Rita is going crazy without you. Her wedding preparations are falling behind without her maid of honour and frankly Norman and I can't deal with her. If you don't come back soon, I might have to put her on administrative leave to save us all." He laughed.

They enjoyed a fabulous date, talking and laughing as if they were the only people in the room. Later, when they arrived at Shane's house, Oliver, rather than saying a quick good night and heading home, went inside. He took off his suit and tie and asked Shane to change into comfortable clothes. He then told Karen she could head to bed and he'd put Shane to bed himself. He assured her he'd call her if he needed to. He winked at her and whispered, "Trust me. All will be well." He dimmed the lights. When Shane came back, he sat on the couch and patted the place beside him for her to sit. She sat and tried to snuggle against him as usual but he picked her up, placed her on his lap and held her like a child. "Mr. O'Toole, are you trying to entice me?" She said teasing him. "Ms. McInerney, if I were, you'd have no escape." He said teasing her back. "It's just that I've become so accustomed to picking you up in my arms and frankly, I don't think I'm going to be able to stop once the cast is removed. It's so handy for kissing you." He said and pulled her face towards him, taking her lips with his. He kissed her, deeply and passionately, grabbing her head and digging his fingers through her hair. She just melted into him. They had both made promises about not pushing the envelope regarding their physical attraction but it was getting harder and harder to resist giving in to temptation. It was obvious to both they were struggling mightily. They separated and touched foreheads while trying to bring their breathing to the normal rhythm. Oliver whispered breathlessly, "I love you, Shane." Shane looked at him with eyes full of tears and whispered back, "Oh Oliver… I love you so much. You have no idea how much and for how long I have loved you." That piqued his curiosity and he asked,"When did you know you loved me?" She thought back, concentrating intently. "I could say as far back as the coffee cart, but that's not true. However, I was extremely intrigued as well as attracted to you as far back as that first day. I think the dance lessons probably pushed me in the in love direction pretty quickly." She stopped and looked at him dreamily, then continued, "The dance rehearsal in the DLO showed me I was well on my way to completely falling for you. But I think I only knew for certain or at least admitted it in my heart when we reunited Jennifer and Billy James. Watching Billy sing to Jennifer and get his memory back in the process jarred me awake to the reality of my situation... that I was utterly and hopelessly in love with you. I had no idea what to do. The only thing I knew to do was to wait for you." Oliver was so moved by her honesty he felt compelled to do the same. "Thanks for being so honest. I'm so sorry for causing you pain. The minute I realised there was this obvious attraction between us, I should have requested a transfer for you, but honestly, it was already too late." Shane tilted her head and asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, like you, I could also say my love for you dates back to the coffee cart. You certainly saved me that day and I remember looking at you as you walked away, feeling as if I had missed out on something special. When Andrea came to me later that morning bringing you in tow, I just couldn't believe my luck. I was attracted to you immediately. By the time of the dance rehearsal in the DLO, I knew I was already in trouble." He smiled self mockingly. "And then we got locked in that bank vault. By then I could no longer deny it and all I wanted was to be free to tell you how much I had already fallen for you." Shane started playing with his earlobe absentminded, caressing it gently and thinking about what he just said. She asked. "So why did you tell Holly in the letter that you wanted her back?" Her eyes filled with tears as she asked this. He reached for her face and running his knuckles gently down her face, he said. "I felt I had to put some effort in getting my marriage back. I felt compelled to do the right thing regardless of the cost to my heart." She whispered brokenly, "But it was no longer just your heart. Are you aware Oliver, that if you had successfully reconnected with Holly, you would have successfully destroyed me?" She closed her eyes and let the tears flow freely. He pulled her to him trying to comfort her. "Oh, my sweetheart, don't you see that you and I had already been ordained by God? Holly and I were done. We never had a chance. My heart was already taken by you and Holly's was probably taken by somebody else as well. All we did that night was wish each other well and move on with our lives. Neither one of us wanted to linger. In fact the whole time I was dining with Holly, all I could think of was you." "You did?" Shane asked starting to smile while wiping the tears. "Yes, of course, have you forgotten our porch swing?"He smiled and continued, "The irony of my situation is that I broke off our dance lessons because I wanted to dance with Holly, but when I finally danced with Holly, all I wanted was to dance with you." When he said that it was her turn to go for his lips, she kissed him passionately. She never wanted to let go. Shane never ceased to be amazed by Oliver and every time she thought she couldn't love him anymore, he surprised her and made her fall for him even harder.

They both sat there silently just enjoying each other's company without hurry or pressure. He held her against his chest in a most comfortable and intimate way. When he could feel she was completely relaxed he whispered softly, "I want you to sleep with me." She snapped her head back and said incredulously, "What? What did you just say to me?" He chuckled at her reaction and said, "Exactly what you heard, but not what you think. I want you to close your eyes right now, relax and sleep right here, with me holding you.""Why?" She said snuggling comfortably back against his chest again. "Because I need you to." He said and reclined completely back, holding her in his arms.

Before long he heard the steady sound of gentle slumber. She was totally relaxed in his arms. He was amazed at her trust in him. He didn't want to go home. He wanted to put her in bed and get in with her, gather her to him like two spoons in a drawer and stay for the rest of his life… never ever let her go.

What are you going to do about that O'Toole? If you really love her and you know she loves you, what are you waiting for? He mused while holding her in his arms. And what about the fact that you two cannot keep your hands off each other? How long is this going to last before you fall? You know it's not a matter of if, but when. You know you never loved a woman the way you love her and more importantly you know very well you were never loved by a woman the way she loves you.

Oliver knew he had a fair amount to sort within his heart regarding this precious gift he held in his arms at that moment. But for tonight, he would simply put her in her own bed and make sure she had a full and restful night of sleep, no nightmares and definitely no gaming.

"Good night, my darling." He whispered as he placed her gently in her bed and turned to leave. "God bless you." He said as he looked back as he exited the room.