Chapter 23: The Flight Stuff
The in-universe date for this episode is very specific (and important to the events that transpire).
All was quiet at the Berk Dragon Academy. No-one had arrived yet for Hiccup's scheduled lesson, and so no-one was there to see the gate softly creak open to let a small boy, a round red Pokémon, and an accompanying sheep through.
This wasn't one of the Go-Getters. And it wasn't one of the Berk Dragon Riders, either. Rather, it was Gustav Larson and his Darumaka, Sanzaru. The boy took one look around the academy and, seeing that it was empty, lit up with mischievous glee. There weren't any Go-Getters or riders in sight - that meant he had free reign of the place before they showed up.
Excitedly, the little black-haired boy reached into the shadows and pulled out a sheep wearing a saddle. The saddle was unusual in that it had a pair of wooden wings and a flamethrower mounted on it, obviously meant to resemble a dragon. Whatever Gustav had in mind, it would certainly have either direct or indirect consequences.
But Gustav was never one to consider such things, and so he gleefully hopped aboard the sheep and exclaimed, "Come on, let's fly! It's a perfect day to do some dragon training!"
He rode the barnyard animal around the arena whilst laughing gleefully, occasionally pressing the bellows on the flamethrower and sending small bursts of flame flickering out in front of him. With flagrant disregard for the dangers of playing with fire, he went ahead with his game, gleefully shooting fire out at his surroundings.
This reached its logical conclusion when his aim got a little too reckless and ended up torching a stack of supply crates.
Gustav immediately took notice of the damage, his eyes widening with fear as he clambered down from his sheep.
"O-Oh no," he gulped. "They're gonna kill me..."
He started blowing on the fire, but it was already too large for his little puffs of air to snuff out. Gustav started to find the heat unbearable and backed away, wiping the sweat from his brow. His breaths began to come hard and fast as he worked himself up into a panic, feeling helpless in this situation.
"What do we do?" he yelled out to Sanzaru, for lack of anyone else to ask. "What do we do?!"
The Darumaka responded by tucking in his limbs and wobbling around, while the sheep bleated in terror and ran right out of the arena, losing its saddle and the associated attachments in the process. Gustav instinctively looked up at the sky and subsequently figured out why his woolly mount had left in such a hurry - a pair of Noivern had been attracted to the sight of the fires and were diving through the gaps in the mesh ceiling to investigate.
As soon as the two Sound Wave Pokémon landed, their sharp yellow eyes landed on Gustav. He tried to run after his sheep, but he wasn't fast enough. They were on him like a Swellow on a Wurmple.
When the Go-Getters arrived at the academy, they saw the trouble brewing before they'd even landed. Hiccup, in the lead as always, signaled to the rest of the gang as soon as he saw Verne and Wavern pinning Gustav to the floor with their talons.
Brandyn blinked upon seeing Hiccup's signal, praying to Arceus he'd read it wrong, and peered down at the academy to see for himself what was going on. He wasn't really all that surprised to see that Hiccup had been right on the money.
"Gustav again?" asked the Aetherson boy, annoyed. "This is the fourth time this week!"
One by one, the Go-Getters took the familiar route through the open gates into the arena before landing their dragons and dismounting. Snivels and Blaze hopped off of Verne and Wavern's backs and stormed forward to give the captive Larson boy a piece of their minds. "What do you think you're doing here?!" the Servine barked at him.
Timidly, Gustav spoke up. "Uh...nothing?"
There was a pause. The Pokémon seemed to be considering whether or not to let him go, at least until Wavern lost her patience and started gnawing on the captive Larson's head.
Astrid reached into her saddlebag and pulled out a Spelon Berry, which she tossed to Wavern. The female Noivern caught it and started chewing, a pleased croon escaping her throat. She lifted off of Gustav, and Verne followed.
"We should probably think about adding a security system to this place," recommended Crackers. The Drizzile walked over to the burning crates and tossed one of his water balloons on them. "I could lay a few traps around here, that ought to keep intruders out."
"True," said Heather, "But won't that also keep us out?"
The lazy Water Lizard slumped against the doused crates. "Maybe," was his blunt reply.
Hiccup sighed. As Brandyn's earlier reaction showed, this wasn't the first time they'd seen Gustav fooling around at the academy. They had far too much on their metaphorical plates to deal with a bratty preteen - especially nowadays, with Dagur having taken over Outcast Island, crazy empowered Pokémon popping up out of nowhere, and Millennium still on the loose somewhere.
"Gustav," the Haddock boy said now, "how many times have we told you? You're not allowed to play in here."
"I'm not playing," Gustav protested. He picked himself up off the arena floor, puffed out his little chest and said proudly, "I'm dragon training!"
Blaze would have raised an eyebrow if she had one. "With a sheep?"
"It was all I could find!" the preteen whined. "Why can't I get a dragon?"
"Do you want the short list or the long one?" Snivels asked rhetorically.
Gustav didn't get it. "Huh?"
The Servine listed off on his fingers, "You're not old enough, you're too immature, you're irresponsible, you have no respect for us or the riders, you don't think before you act, and it wouldn't be fair for the other kids in the village."
"I am responsible!" protested the captive kid. "I take care of him!" He pointed at Sanzaru.
The Darumaka wobbled a little on the spot.
"Pokémon can take care of themselves," said Astrid. "Taking care of a dragon is a much bigger responsibility."
"She's right," Hiccup said. "Dragons need to be fed, flown, cleaned, and treated with the upmost respect."
Gustav didn't see how that was any different than taking care of a Pokémon. Sanzaru couldn't fly, of course, but the Larson boy kept him well-fed and groomed to near-perfection. He could handle a dragon! How hard could it be?
"Looks like the other kids are arriving," said Snivels, pointing to the entrance gate.
You see, the Go-Getters had opened up classes at the academy for the younger generation for the week. The idea was, if they got the Berkian children interested in dragons at a young age, they could take over as the next generation of dragon-riding, Pokémon-training heroes.
Well, with the possible exception of Gustav. He wouldn't be ready for a while.
The Go-Getters had seen one or two youngsters wandering around the village every day, but they hadn't realized until now just how many children there were on Berk. Hiccup counted at least ten, but who knows how many were hiding in the back.
"So," said Snivels, "what's the plan, Hic?"
Taking one glance at the mess that was still present, Hiccup said, "Keep them busy. We'll clean up."
The Servine immediately went into responsible teacher mode. "Alright everyone, gather over here to the right, please. Shorter in the front, taller in the rear. Those of you with a Pokémon, keep your partner close, we don't want anyone getting hurt around here. And for Arceus's sake, leave your Viking helmets at the exit, you can pick them up on the way out."
One of the kids, who looked about five or six years old, shot their hand up.
"You have a question?" Snivels asked.
The blond boy lowered his hand and asked, "How come you can talk?"
The Pokémon prince jumped right in with a reply. "Well, Legendary and Mythical Pokémon are capable of speaking telepathically. The non-Legendary Pokémon, like my species, have to learn how to speak different languages. Back on my home island, we had Linguistics classes, and I passed a good deal of them with flying colors. A lot of the Pokémon in the archipelago are able to speak the human language, but they choose not to. I just do it whenever it's convenient, so it's easier to converse with my human friends. If any of you think it's too weird, I can just as easily revert to my own language, like so - Servine, vine. Ser, Servine."
"I think it's cool," said one of the girls, also blonde and around the same age as the boy who had spoken.
"Thank you," said Snivels, "Are there any other questions before we get started?" Then, upon noticing that a certain Larson boy was separate from the group, he called out, "Gustav, grab Sanzaru and get over here, now!"
The preteen tried to protest, "But, but, but, but, but, but, but..."
"Don't throw your buts at me, Mr. Larson!" Snivels scolded.
All but one of the kids burst into giggles.
"Well, I'm glad to see some of us are having fun here," said Snivels. Then, to the silent kid, whose eyes were hidden behind his blond hair, the Servine asked, "What's up with you?"
"Oh, that's Shrug," said the blonde girl. "He doesn't say much."
True to his name, Shrug remained completely silent as he shrugged his shoulders.
Snivels fought the urge to roll his eyes. Stoick is stoic, Bucket wears a bucket, Shrug shrugs...are we sure these people aren't NightWings in disguise?
Almost the exact moment a grumbly Gustav fell in with the rest of the kids, Snivels said, "Alright, who can tell me one interesting fact about the Terrible Terror? And, just so we're clear, I will not accept any of the following answers - they're tiny, they're cute, they're unrideable, and they're not as cool as the rest of the dragons on this island."
Chances are those were the only answers the kids could think of, because they were all absolutely silent after that.
Except for one.
A ten-year-old girl with brown hair raised her hand before speaking. "Terrible Terrors are social dragons that travel in packs, and are capable of lifting a full-grown Viking in tandem."
Snivels stood gobsmacked at the sight of the girl. She was a dead ringer for Arachne Philston, the youngest member of the Monster Riders. But she couldn't be the same girl...could she?
"He seems to be handling things well," Astrid observed.
"Maybe he could be the teacher for the rest of the week," Brandyn suggested. "He knows the most about dragons out of all of us, after all."
Everyone agreed that Snivels should teach the children for the entirety of the week.
"Hey, guys," whispered Adhesive, "you know March is almost over, right?"
"Yeah," Hiccup replied. "Why?"
Grinning like a Cheshire cat, Adhesive asked, "Want to help me play an awesome prank on Snotlout?"
April 1st
"I'M GONNA KICK THE BUCKET!" the Jorgenson boy screamed as he rushed into the academy.
Hiccup tried to keep a straight face as he turned away from the wooden board the Go-Getters had been using to teach the Berkian children. The lesson had been nice and productive, with even Kickin Hawk lending a helped hand, or wing, or whatever, until Snotlout showed up.
He fixed his cousin with what he hoped was an annoyed look that seemed to convey an eternity's worth of frustration and suffering. "Snotlout, could you please keep it down?" he grumbled. "We're a little busy here."
Completely ignoring him, Snotlout continued with his panicked rant. He shouted for all of them to hear, "In the past few hours, I've seen three of the five Signposts of Valhalla!"
The Signposts were supposed to be a sequence of clues hinting at and leading up to a Viking's eventual death. Everyone in the archipelago knew how superstitious the tribes were about those.
"I'm dying!" the arrogant Jorgenson exploded. "And you're just standing there talking to some stupid kids?! One of the bravest and most treasured warriors is about to leave this world forever!"
Snorting, Blaze muttered loud enough for the others to hear, "Brave and treasured? Yeah, right."
"Look on the bright side - at least you'll be in eternal paradise," Brandyn piped up.
"And so will we..." Astrid sighed happily. She rolled her eyes skyward, as if imagining Snotlout's spirit rising up on its way to Valhalla right now.
Hiccup gave her a significant nudge, warning her to knock it off. She shrugged nonchalantly and punched him in the shoulder in response.
"Joke all you want about me," Snotlout insisted seriously, and walked over to solemnly pat his Magmar on the shoulder and his Monstrous Nightmare on the snout. "But what about Heat and Hookfang? The thought of these boys, without me, for the rest of their lives...it's j-just..."
Hookfang gave his rider a bored look and huffed through his nostrils.
"Are you done?" Snivels asked, flatly.
"NO," Snotlout immediately declared. "Not even close."
The Jorgenson boy marched up to the group of kids and dragged one of them out into the middle of the arena. Hiccup sighed and sunk his head into his hands, unable to believe what he was seeing right now. Snotlout had just dragged none other than Gustav Larson out to stand beside him, leaving little doubt about what he was going to say next.
"Though devastated," he proclaimed dramatically, "and still in pre-mourning, little Gustav shall carry on the Snotlout's legacy."
"It's an honor," Gustav said, placing a fist over his heart as if swearing an oath.
They don't pay me enough for this, Hiccup grumbled to himself. Oh, wait. They don't pay me at all. Joy of joys.
Snivels made a disgusted sound. "Please," he growled, "tell me he's not going to fly around saying 'oi oi oi'."
At this, Snotlout seemed to brighten. "Ooh, good idea. Gustav, make a note of that."
Gustav saluted.
With an audible groan, Hiccup stepped away from the board to attempt to talk some sense into his cousin. Of course, this was disregarding the fact that talking to Snotlout in this kind of situation was like talking to a concussed yak.
"Snotlout, the Signposts of Valhalla are supposed to be nothing but an old wife's tale," he began, regardless of how fruitless it was.
"Yeah?" challenged Snotlout. "Then tell me, why have I seen the flying fish, the weeping rock, and the singing trees?"
He held up a finger for each Signpost, culminating in a total of four. He looked at his own hand in confusion for a moment, before Gustav helpfully folded down a finger for him.
Always the rational one, Brandyn explained, "You probably just saw salmon spawning, wet rocks on the beach, and a gust of wind."
"Besides, the Signposts of Valhalla only happen to great warriors," Astrid smirked.
Her statement flew completely over Snotlout's head. "So, what's your point?" he demanded.
That you're obviously not, Hiccup thought. He could tell everyone else was thinking it, too.
"Even if it were true, which it is not," the lead Go-Getter said, with emphasis on the last part, "You can't simply pick someone to replace you."
"Well these guys wouldn't go along with my original plan!" Snotlout shouted in frustration, pointing accusing fingers at his Magmar and Monstrous Nightmare.
"To bury themselves alive beside you," Astrid drawled, her voice absolutely reeking of sarcasm.
Once again, Snotlout placed one hand on Heat's shoulder and the other on Hookfang's wing and confidently announced, "They would gladly sacrifice themselves for their beloved master. Trust m- AAAAGH!"
As Snotlout found out right then and there, Hookfang would also gladly smack his beloved master across the arena with his tail if he became too big for his britches.
"Okay, fine," Hiccup rolled his eyes. He rubbed his forehead as he prepared to provide a ridiculous argument that he hadn't thought he'd need to use. "Let's say, for argument's sake, that you've seen three of the five Signposts. It doesn't mean anything! There are still two Signposts left to go."
Right on cue, as Snotlout was picking himself up from off the floor, a small brown mound landed directly in front of his face. It was a pile of dirty feathers with flies buzzing around it, which made a soft thudding sound when it struck the ground and caused a putrid scent to start wafting through the academy.
Oh sweet mother of Arceus, Hiccup thought, knowing what would happen next.
"Oh no! OH NO!" Snotlout began to panic anew. "The fourth Signpost, the bird of death!"
"That is not the bird of death, Snotlout, it's a dead chicken," his scrawnier cousin was quick to clarify for him.
Blaze added, "If you want the bird of death, sail to the end of the world and...crap." She paused, frowning. "What's that giant bird that those metal-heads keep going on about?"
"Hraesvelgr," Heather piped up.
"That's the one," Blaze nodded, clicking her fingers in recognition. "Anyway, as I was saying, a pre-cooked chicken breast isn't the same thing as a man-eating eagle, right guys?"
"Seems like a bird of death to me," Ninjark shrugged.
"Yep, Snotlout's dead," decided Ra, giving a sage nod. "Should we start digging his grave?"
"We don't have to rush," Camazotz replied.
Snotlout was the first to recover. "This development changes things," he said, standing up straighter. "We're on the clock, Gustav. We'll start your training immediately."
The younger of the two snapped to attention with a smart salute.
Groaning, Hiccup threw his hands up in the air, resigning for now. He wasn't going to change Snotlout's mind any time soon, and he certainly didn't have the time right now - not when there were far more important things to worry about. He did a quick scan of the number of riders who weren't staying on Berk or already gone, and his count ended up at a total of five, including himself. That was plenty.
"Ugh, fine, do what you want," he told Snotlout. "The rest of us have work to do. And for Arceus's sake, please try not to take anyone else with you to 'eternal paradise'."
With that, the Go-Getters dismissed their class for a lunch break, mounted their dragons and rushed out the gates. Those who were left behind watched them rise up into the sky and head in the direction of their living quarters up on Raven Point.
"I make no promises," Lout said to no-one in particular, as only Gustav was around to hear him now.
Somewhere in the Berk wilderness, four trainers and their large group of Pokémon friends were practically dying laughing.
"Did you see the look on his face when the 'bird of death' fell in front of him?" Snivels guffawed. "He's totally freaking out!"
Blaze shared a high-five with her trainer, cheering, "Best. Prank. EVER!"
"Are all of your jokes this diabolical?" Astrid asked.
Adhesive, who had been literally rolling on the floor with laughter, wheezed out, "Only on my enemies!"
Last Year, In Another Dimension
Queen Bee was going to be the very best superheroine in all of Paris ever. Ever ever. THE BEST.
She was going to show her mother, and everyone else in the city, just how exceptional she really was. She was going to make Hawk Moth cry like a little newborn baby. She was going to -
*SMACK!*
...Swing head-first into a wall with a very realistic-looking picture of a window on it.
Stunned, the snobby girl in the magic bee suit went tumbling down toward the sidewalk, prompting a certain Poipole to burst out of hiding and relish over his victory.
"April Fools!" Adhesive cheered. Then he laughed, "Oh, Chloé Bourgeois. I can't believe you fell for that old Fake Window Trick!" He peeled the fake window off the wall and practically exploded with laughter.
"I really wanted to get Lila," the Poipole explained. "But she's too crafty. So, I settled on the next best thing."
"As funny as it is to see Snotlout go crazy," said Brandyn, wiping away a few tears of laughter, "maybe we should stop. This is starting to get serious, and fast."
Hiccup nodded. "He's right. Snotlout's one sheep stampede away from forcing Gustav onto Hookfang's back."
"Who says we're gonna let him?" Snivels asked.
"Oohsaiz," Sonata chirped. "Goonna leetim."
"She's getting better at that," Ninjark observed.
Snivels shrugged. "Maybe, but that's no excuse for her to lose her own language. I can speak in more tongues than I can count, and I still know my birth language."
That last part reminded Hiccup of the short speech the Servine had given the youngsters earlier that week. Sure it was useful to have a Pokémon who could communicate directly, the last thing Hiccup wanted was for Snivels to think of it as an obligation. Not to mention the amount of stares they still got around the village whenever one of their non-human friends spoke in Norse instead of Pokéspeak.
Amber, while absentmindedly scratching her neck, asked, "Would now be a good time to discuss that new prophecy Serac gave us?"
Hiccup stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Well, Dagur's out of commission," he said, "And no one in the village has bugged us at all this week. I'd say now's as good a time as any."
None of them had any idea who 'the warriors of the two towers' or 'the seed hidden in the snow' were, but they reasoned that they both had something to do with the Expansion. The birds and the Regis seemed simple enough, but the next line was the most confusing.
"The one who's a king, but does not know," Blaze recited. "That doesn't even make any sense. I mean, how are we supposed to find someone who has no idea what they are?"
"Maybe they're with the Expansion," Adhesive offered.
"What about the Darkest Day?" asked Heather. "What is that?"
"A black storm," Brandyn said grimly. "Caused by Eternatus. I heard about it while I was training with the Resistance. Every so often, when an Eternatus nears the end of its life, it will attempt to revitalize itself by absorbing Dynamax energy. The resulting phenomenon randomly causes Pokémon to Dynamax and go berserk. The first time that ever happened, the whole world was nearly destroyed."
"Well," said Ra, "That sounds terrible."
"It is," Kickin Hawk confirmed, "And with Millennium under Dark Matter's control, there's no doubt it will happen again soon."
Camazotz looked as though all of the light had been drained out of her. "But, when it does...what do we do?"
Shortly after the Go-Getters departed, Snotlout set Gustav in front of Hookfang and prepared to begin his lesson. The smaller boy was bouncing on the balls of his feet with excitement, thrilled to finally learn about riding a dragon. Some of the other kids from Snivels's class were off on the sidelines, watching the proceedings with interest.
"Pay attention, Gustav," Snotlout began, gesturing toward Heat and Hookfang. "Clearly, you've had your fair share of experience with fire Pokémon, but dragons are not so easily handled. This is the Monstrous Nightmare, the most lethal dragon in the known world."
Immediately, the Arachne lookalike began to list off names of dragons that proved Snotlout's statement wrong. "Red Death, Siren, Whispering Death, Night Fury, Skrill..."
Stamping his foot, Snotlout sent a glare her way. "Shut it, kid," he muttered. "Just because you're the teacher's pet doesn't mean you can mouth off."
With a huff of irritation, he continued with Gustav's lesson, not noticing his student creeping up to admire Hookfang more closely. But that didn't last long.
"Let me tell you, not just anyone can handle one of these bad boys - whoa whoa whoa!" Snotlout suddenly shouted, turning around and seeing Gustav reaching out to touch Hookfang's snout. He quickly slapped the boy's hand and admonished, "I'm sorry, I don't recall saying you could touch him. Did I say that?"
"Uh, no," Gustav reacted to the harsh scolding with trepidation, rubbing his hands self-consciously.
Snotlout decided to let it go in favor of moving forward. Striding up so that he was next to Hookfang's neck, he lectured, "Now, the first thing we have to cover is the proper way to mount a dragon. This has to be done in a way that lets the dragon know who exactly is the boss."
In a single bound, Snotlout leapt aboard the Monstrous Nightmare's neck and grabbed his horns. They smoothly took flight and were airborne in only a split second. Hookfang spread his wings and soared one lap around the arena before lightly landing in the same spot. Fortunately, the otherwise disobedient pseudowyvern seemed to understand that now wasn't the time for messing with Snotlout. He was supposed to be setting an example, so he would behave.
Smugly, Snotlout slipped off the saddle and sidestepped with a silent 'go ahead' gesture to the waiting Gustav. Wiggling ecstatically, Gustav took a step back and assumed a ready position.
"Yeah yeah, I've got this," he assured confidently.
He started off at a run, making a dash for the saddle. But he was only halfway toward Hookfang's neck before he tripped over his own feet and pitched forward, ending up rolling over his own head to land painfully on his back. Kindly, Hookfang reached down and picked Gustav up in his jaws with surprising gentleness, then deposited the boy right on the saddle.
"Okay, we'll work on that," Snotlout decided.
Fortunately, the arena was still standing by the time Hiccup and the others got back.
Down below, Gustav was now situated comfortably on Hookfang's saddle, sitting still while he waited for Snotlout to describe the next part of the lesson. The Jorgenson boy was marching back and forth with his back straightened, acting very much the Viking soldier and probably having a fun time doing it, too.
"Eyes front, recruit!" he barked. "Now pay attention to everything I say!"
Gustav straightened up. "Sir, yes sir!" he shouted in reply.
From their perch up on the wall of the academy, Blaze leaned over to Astrid and muttered amusedly, "This should go well..."
The Hofferson-turned-Haddock snorted in reply, silently agreeing with her.
"A Monstrous Nightmare," Snotlout was lecturing Gustav, "in the hands of a capable rider - a la me - is a weapon of unmatched firepower."
He took a deep breath to begin his next sentence, not noticing Gustav fidgeting with Hookfang's horns. He prattled, "It must be treated with appropriate respe-"
Gustav tugged, and Hookfang opened his jaws wide to let out a burst of flame.
Of course, the fire just so happened to make contact with Snotlout trousers, and he unleashed a definitely not lady-like scream while making a beeline for the water trough to douse the burning flames. When it was all over, the Jorgenson boy pulled himself out of the wooden structure to glare at Gustav.
"We'll work on that, recruit!" he decided a second time. He then leveled his stern look at Hookfang and asked suspiciously, "Was that fun for you?"
The Monstrous Nightmare looked aside, appearing innocent.
"Was for me," Snivels snickered.
Hours passed, and most of the Go-Getters had gone inside to continue with their job of teaching the village kids. However, Snotlout didn't let Gustav and Sanzaru join them, claiming that he had some important equipment to get for their next lesson. When he came back fifteen minutes later, Hookfang was curled up on the floor with his eyes contently closed and Gustav was curiously inspecting the dragon's tail.
But Snotlout hadn't brought any equipment with him. Rather, he was holding two fat cod in his hands, no doubt from the Great Hall. The first fish went to Gustav, who looked at it questioningly before he was forced to keep up with Snotlout as he walked to the center of the arena to start the next lesson.
"Okay, Gustav. Feeding time is bonding time for a dragon and his rider," Snotlout explained wisely, tossing his fish from hand to hand. "And this is how we bond. Hookfang, EAT!"
With a sudden shout, he flung the cod directly at Hookfang. The Monstrous Nightmare's eyes snapped open just before the fish would've hit him in the muzzle, and he snapped it up instantly.
Snivels turned his head a little so he was looking at the arrogant teen from the corner of his eye. "I'm sorry, since when?" he asked in a condescending tone.
Huffing, Snotlout's only reply was a quiet "Shut it, snake."
He then stumbled and almost fell to the ground again when a fish skeleton smacked him in the helmet from behind. Over Gustav's restrained laughter, the narcissistic Jorgenson angrily looked over in Hookfang's direction, only to see the dragon settling back down with a content expression.
"You're up, Gustav," he said, nudging the preteen. "Bring the heat!"
He glanced down at the slimy fish being held in his grasp, and gained confidence now that it was his turn to show them what he could do. Taking the cod in one small hand, he reared back and prepared to throw, smirking smugly as he did so.
Tossing a fish at a huge dragon? Pfft, piece of cake for the great Gustav.
"Hookfang, ea- AAAHH!" he screamed, losing his balance even as he threw the cod forward. The accident caused it to fly not in a smooth arc toward Hookfang's mouth, but straight up toward the ceiling and then back down to land neatly on Snotlout's helmet with a soft splat.
Snotface had maybe a second to figure out what had just happened before Hookfang saw the fish and instinctively reacted. The Monstrous Nightmare lunged forward and grabbed Snotlout's entire upper body in his jaws, shaking him like a chew toy before settling.
"We'll work on that!" came Snotlout's muffled voice, for the third time.
It had been a long day - for a certain Jorgenson boy especially - and now the sun was setting as the young children were dismissed from the academy. Several of the Go-Getters were cleaning up their supplies. But Snotlout was, to everyone's irritation, still being dramatic about his so-called impending demise.
A hand to his chest, the Viking-turned-drama queen said to the group, "I know it's going to be hard for all of you when I'm gone - especially you, Astrid..."
She growled at this and angrily grabbed hold of Hiccup's hand, making her husband wince as his fingers were crushed.
Oblivious to this, as he was still too caught up in reciting what was starting to sound like a eulogy, Snotlout forged on. "...but I don't want there to be any tears. I want you to remember me with joy in your hearts, and think of the good times we all had together. It is by the power vested in me that I hereby pass the Magmar flames and Monstrous Nightmare horns to Gustav," - he bowed to his 'successor' and stepped aside to let him cross the arena to Heat and Hookfang - "Go with Thor, little man, for he will watch over you - with lightning bolts and a giant hammer."
Excitedly, Gustav quickly mounted Hookfang, with much more success than he had earlier that day. Hookfang seemed satisfied and stood up a little higher, looking like he was ready to fly with his new rider.
Hiccup slammed shut the Book of Dragons, which he had been idly flipping through while his dear cousin was giving his speech. It had been hard enough keeping a straight face when Snotlout was going nuts over the idea that he could be dying very soon, and this whole situation had his patience running thin. He had to put a stop to this and set everything straight before it got completely out of hand.
"Alright, this has gone far enough," he announced, striding forward to confront his cousin. "Snotlout, you are not dying."
But the Jorgenson seemed to ignore him, making a placating gesture with his hands. "Shhhh, Hiccup," he murmured soothingly. "It's okay. Denial is part of the grieving process."
Gritting his teeth, his annoyance only growing, Hiccup continued despite his cousin's refusal to listen. "Second of all, no one 'vested' you with any power."
"No-one," Snivels backed him up.
"And even if they did," Hiccup went on. "Gustav is in no way ready to be a Dragon Rider."
"Agreed," Brandyn put in, nodding. "There's a lot more to taking care of a dragon than feeding it and getting on its back."
"Neither of which he can do well anyway," Astrid pointed out, referring back to his less-than-stellar performance earlier that day.
Upon hearing her words, Gustav hung his head a little. It didn't sound like the Go-Getters were as easy to impress as Snotlout, and they weren't convinced that he had what it took to be a Dragon Rider. Maybe he wouldn't be replacing Snotlout after all...
"Look, none of us are perfect - except for me," Snotlout was saying now, seemingly in Gustav's defense. "Fishlegs is afraid of the dark, the twins can't count past nine, Heather's completely delusional..."
"Delusional?!" she repeated, quite indignantly.
"You can play pretend all you want," said Snotlout, "but you're never gonna be that thing's mother!" He pointed to the Siren dragonet that was curled up under Heather's jacket.
Sonata whimpered fearfully and curled herself in a little closer to her adoptive mama.
Convinced that he'd made his point across, Snotlout prattled, "That Brandyn guy's a know-it-all, Astrid has questionable tastes in boyfriend material..."
The girl in question fired a death glare at him.
Oblivious, Snotlout turned to Hiccup and stared blankly at him for several seconds, while the Haddock boy just glared and waited for the insensitive remark he was sure was coming.
"And Hiccup..." the Jorgenson began, then trailed off and shrugged. "Well, enough said."
If it were possible, steam would have spouted from Hiccup's nose like an angry Tauros. Derogatory comments on top of this Snotlout-dying April Fools prank and having to deal with Gustav? He was rapidly running out of patience - and that was saying something.
And it was about to get worse.
"Oh, fair Astrid," Snotlout said dramatically, reaching out to affectionately cup a glaring Astrid's cheek in his hammy hand. "What might have been - GAH!"
Before Hiccup could even let the words, For the last time get away from her before one of us kills you, cross his mind, Astrid's face morphed into a mask of rage. In less time than it took to blink, she had turned him around, grabbed his hands, and twisted both of his arms behind his back. There was a loud cracking sound as Lout's bones were forcefully manipulated into positions they were never meant to hold.
"I...won't feel pain...in Valhalla..." he gasped out, slowly sinking to his knees.
Bending over him and twisting his arms even harder, the livid Astrid growled in his ear, "Don't flatter yourself, Snotface. Even Snivels would have been before you."
Snotlout looked at her like she'd just peeled off her skin and revealed a Muk underneath. "You're kidding right? I mean, come on! He doesn't even have a d-"
Alarm bells ringing in his head, Hiccup yelled out before Snotlout could finish the inappropriate thought. "OKAY!" he hollered, drowning out everyone else. However relieved he was to see Snotlout getting his comeuppance as usual, he still knew that his wife's solution was only going to be temporary. He sighed, "Astrid, violence isn't going to solve anything."
Reluctantly, the blonde released Snotlout and allowed him to slump forward onto the ground, tenderly nursing his arms.
"How are you this calm right now?" she hissed at Hiccup, folding her arms disapprovingly at him. "Hiccup, he's out of control. We've been together for months now and -"
"Yes, yes, I know," he said quickly, motioning for her to calm down. "Look, now's not the time. We'll figure something out after we deal with this."
She rolled her eyes at him, but didn't reply. Hiccup decided that he would have to be satisfied with this and turned back to the Jorgenson boy, who was getting to his feet.
"Snotlout, for the last time," he shouted, "you're not going to Valhalla!"
Suddenly, from outside the arena, a cacophony of many feet pounding over stone came rushing through the gates. Before anyone could ask, the stampede was joined by frightened bleating, and a cloud of dust filled the entrance.
Five sheep charged out from the dust they'd kicked up in their frenzy, and immediately made a beeline for Snotlout. With a scream, he tried to back off, but the woolly barnyard animals were already on him. Stopping their stampede, the sheep crowded around him as if they were inexplicably drawn to him, bleating and staring up at him with blank eyes.
"The shepherd's curse," realized Brandyn. "That's..."
"The fifth Signpost," Astrid finished for him, sounding bored and apprehensive.
Hiccup felt that sense of impending doom that one gets when one knows that an already intolerable situation is about to get even worse.
"Oh, tell me this isn't happening," he muttered, burying his face in his hands.
Snotlout let out another scream, standing on his tiptoes as if that would somehow get him farther away from the sheep. His legs started to wobble, and he stumbled, falling onto his rear end as he lost strength. But he raised his arm above the heads of the curious animals, defiant until the end.
"AAAAHHH! AVENGE ME!" he called out desperately. "HAVE LAMB FOR DINNER!"
Then his arm slinked back down out of sight, and everyone heard a soft thud as the rest of his body fell to the ground.
A few minutes later, one of the sheep trotted over and began eagerly licking Snotlout's face - well, as eagerly as a Berkian sheep possibly could, which wasn't very. The unconscious Jorgenson twitched, then made a face and shooed the sheep away with his flailing arms before awakening. His eyes fluttered open to take in the sights.
"Wait, this is Valhalla?" he asked incredulously, slowly getting to his feet. Then his expression soured and he complained, "What a rip-off!"
Dryly, his thinner cousin informed him, "Nope, still Berk. You fainted."
Fully awake now, Snotlout turned to him and exclaimed fearfully, "More proof that my warrior's body is failing me! Hiccup, I don't have much time left! You have to let Gustav take my place!"
"Gustav is not taking your place," Hiccup argued. "He's not ready."
Then Gustav, whom they had all forgotten was still there in all the sheep-related excitement, got off of Hookfang and approached them. He seemed completely unfazed by the fact that his 'role model' had seemingly almost bit the dust.
"Then train me anyway," he said as if it was the most obvious solution in the world. Almost sarcastically, he asked, "Isn't that what you do here? I thought this was a Dragon Training Academy."
Hiccup turned to face Gustav. Even though he was already at his wit's end from everything that had happened today, he had to be patient with the ten-year-old and give him a reasonable explanation that he would accept - and thus, stay out of trouble from now on.
"Gustav..." he started. "This academy was born out of, of timing and necessity..."
"Technically, Stoick gave it to us," Snivels interrupted him, while the other Go-Getters nodded in agreement.
"Not helping," Hiccup dismissed with a sigh, not bothering to argue. Then, to Gustav, he said, "We learned to ride dragons the only way we knew how, by doing. It was dangerous, foolhardy -"
"Don't forget awesome and efficient," Adhesive interrupted.
"Still not helping," Hiccup sighed.
Seeing his struggle, Astrid allowed herself to come to her husband's aid. "What Hiccup's trying to say, Gustav, is that you need experience."
Snivels proceeded to list off on his fingers, "The rider needs experience, the Pokémon needs experience, the dragon needs experience, and the rider, Pokémon and dragon all together need experience. Only when you and your partners get that experience can you actually become a Dragon Rider, and that is final."
Gustav looked sinisterly thoughtful as he stroked his chin. "Experience, huh?" As the ten-year-old and his Darumaka walked out of the academy, the former talking in a low voice to the latter, Snotlout puffed himself up and got ready to step back into the proverbial spotlight.
"Well, guys," he claimed, loudly, "Looks like we're back to Plan One. Time to start digging."
Heat and Hookfang gave him a critical look, the dragon snorting at him, but didn't do anything more than that. Snotlout still made a disgruntled face at them.
The Go-Getters started for the academy's exit, but Snivels suddenly stopped, turned around, and said, "For the record, I have a cloaca. It's a perfectly normal part of avian and reptilian reproduction."
Just for the record, Hiccstrid and Snimber are both a thousand times better than "Snivstrid". My apologies to any and all Poképhilia fans who have been reading this series, but it's not my cup of tea. So, don't get any ideas.
I would recommend reading the stories in "Tales From the Resistance". A lot of them are supposed to contain details that will be important later on, including a clue about 'the one who's a king, but does not know'.
As far as the Arachne lookalike goes, her identity is supposed to be ambiguous at this point. I'm not the best at coming up with Viking names.
Reviews are appreciated.
