I am completely blown away by the response to this story. In the week since I posted the first two chapters, it's already gotten over 100 followers! I have read and tried to reply to every review, though I don't want to give anything away so I'm not responding to anything about the future plot of the story. I'm so glad you all seem to like the Bella and Leah friendship. I hated the whole Jacob love triangle thing plus I wanted Bella to have a close girlfriend to talk to. Leah seemed a good choice as they were both getting over a heartbreak.

Keep following, favouriting and reviewing as it makes my day!


I awoke the next morning, frantic in case it had all been a dream, but I reached under my pillow and found the letters and picture, breathing a sigh of relief. I read each of the letters again, just to prove to myself that it was all real, before dragging myself out of bed. I dressed quickly and hurried down the stairs for breakfast, eager to see Leah and tell her about the letters.

It was early, only just after 7am but Charlie was already away fishing. I made myself some breakfast, rinsed up my own and Charlie's dishes and tidied up the kitchen. When I was finished it was still barely 8am, even though I had tried to drag things out to pass the time quickly. Leah was not a morning person and would kill me if I turned up at her house too early.

I managed to hold off until 8.15am before deciding that Leah's wrath was worth facing. I raced back upstairs, shoving the letters, pictures and CD into my bag before jumping into my truck and heading to La Push.

It was only a little after 8.30am, when I pulled up outside Leah's house and was greeted warmly by her mother, Sue.

"It's early, Bella," she chuckled, "You know she won't be happy if you wake her up early on a Saturday."

"I know, I know," I said, holding my hands up in front of me, "But I have something to tell her and I just can't wait."

"Fine, on your head be it," she grinned, "At least tell her I put up a bit of a fight."

I chuckled as I headed down the hallway to Leah's room, knocking lightly on the door.

"Uggh," she grumbled, "Go away, Mom. It's Saturday!"

"It's Bella," I said, opening the door a little, "Please?"

"This had better be good," she groaned, pulling her pillow over her head to block out the light, "What time is it anyway?"

"8.30am," I said, gingerly, waiting for the complaints.

"You know the rule!" she mumbled from under the pillow.

"I know, not before 10am on a weekend," I quoted, "I promise I have a really good reason though."

She sat up in the bed, her eyes squinting in the light and her hair sticking out in every direction.

"What's this 'good reason' then?" she asked, using her fingers to form air quotes.

"I got letters from...Edward," I said.

She gasped loudly, whether about the letters or the fact that I actually said his name out loud, I'm not sure. I never mentioned his name, if I could help it, not even when talking to Leah about it all. Saying his name hurt, so I only over referred to him as him or he, butshe always knew who I meant.

"You're kidding?" she exclaimed, staring at me incredulously. I shook my head, pulling the letters out of my bag.

"Oh. My. God," she said slowly, "Okay, you're forgiven for breaking the rule this time. Wait, letters, plural?"

"Uh huh, three letters, written at different times but all sent together," I explained.

"What do they say?" she enquired, her face conveying her uncertainty at whether I was happy or sad about the contents.

"That he loves me, that he never stopped loving me and only left to keep me safe from him, from his world," I said, unable to keep the grin from my face as I said those words aloud.

I handed her the letters, in the correct order, and she began to read them. By the time she had finished reading them, there were tears glistening in her eyes, and Leah was not a crier.

"Oh, God, Bella," she said, "What are you gonna do?"

"I have no idea," I admitted, "That's why I needed to see you. I needed to talk this through with someone."

"I don't understand," I continued, "In all these letters, he still seems to be certain of staying away and leaving me to my life, yet why send the letters in the first place if that was the case? He clearly never intended on sending these letters when he wrote them, so why did he change his mind? Why not just come and see me. He knows where I live. Uggh, men are stupid!"

"I mean, you're not wrong," Leah giggled, "That's exactly why you have to sort this. I say, you hunt him down, tell him off for leaving you and then kiss him senseless. Or another four letter word if you're so inclined." She waggled her eyebrows up and down as she finished speaking and I threw a pillow at her head, giggling as a blush spread over my cheeks.

"I need to find him, before I can do anything else to him," I groaned, "I don't even really know where to start. The letters are postmarked from Rochester, New York, but that doesn't even mean he's there. I can't just pack up and take off across the country looking for him, can I?"

"Well, you graduate on Monday, then there's nothing stopping you," Leah stated, "You tell Charlie you wanna go travelling over the summer. He can't really stop you. You're 18."

"I do have a pair of plane tickets that Carlisle and Esme bought me for my birthday," I told her, "He'd stashed them along with a few other things in my floorboards. Plus, I have some money saved up from working in Newton's. It was supposed to be my college fund, but I missed all the deadlines for applications anyway."

"There you go," she said, "It's fate. Those plane tickets are perfect. You get to Rochester and check out the schools and hospitals for any sign of the family. Keep in regular contact with me and we can keep coming up with ideas, if you don't have any luck there. I'd come with you if I didn't have this whole wolf pack thing going on, plus Mom is still struggling after Dad, I can't leave her."

"I'd love you to come too, but I know you can't leave," I reassured her, "It'll be an adventure on my own, but you better keep your phone on you!"

We chatted for a bit longer, discussing things I would need to organise before leaving. I was nervous, but excited about the whole thing. I'd never done anything like this before and like I'd told Leah, it would be an adventure.

When I got home later that afternoon, I booked myself a flight from Seattle to Rochester on Wednesday afternoon, using one of the vouchers from Carlisle and Esme. There was no stopping me now. The next thing I had to do was tell Charlie and I was dreading it.

I decided to try to butter him up a bit by making his favourite dinner, Grandma Swan's beef stroganoff. It was a complicated recipe to make so I spent the afternoon preparing for it and the smell of it was wafting through the house when Charlie got back from fishing.

"Smells good, Bells," he said, as he put his fishing gear away in the cupboard, "Is that my mom's stroganoff recipe?"

"Sure is," I replied, "It'll be ready in about 15 minutes, if you want to get a shower first."

He headed up the stairs, as I set the table and tried to calm myself down. I was so nervous, but as Leah had said, I was an adult and I had finished school. There wasn't really anything he could do to stop me from going.

We sat down to the meal, Charlie getting stuck into his quickly, though I was too nervous to enjoy mine. Charlie looked up and noticed that I wasn't eating.

"Okay, spit it out," he said, putting his fork down, "I thought you were buttering me up for something by making my favourite dinner."

"Well... ummm..." I stuttered, "I was thinking that I might travel a bit over the summer."

"Like a week away somewhere with Leah?" he asked.

"Not exactly," I began, "I would be going on my own. I don't know how long for. I just want to see more of the country. I have a few plane vouchers I got for my birthday last year so I've booked a flight to New York on Wednesday and then I'll just decide from there where I want to go."

"You've already booked a flight?" he exclaimed.

"Kinda, yeah," I admitted, "I didn't wanna chicken out. I don't have plans for college and I know that's my own fault for not making the application deadlines, but I don't want to just sit around here all summer with nothing to look forward to. I'll keep in touch, phone you all the time. This is just something I need to do."

"I don't suppose there's much I can say to stop you," he huffed, "You're not my little girl any more. You're an adult. But I want to hear from you every day. I'll even get one of those cell phones so you can text me."

"Thanks, Dad," I said, getting up and wrapping my arms around him, "It means a lot to me that you're on board with this. I'll pick you up a cell phone tomorrow and show you how to use it before I go."

A few days later, I was preparing for my graduation, a day that I had been dreading. I had imagined that Edward and I would be graduating together, along with Alice. I imagined that Alice would have at least have tried (and probably succeeded) to throw some sort of graduation party. Until I had received those letters a few days ago, I couldn't wait to have it over me. The only reason I had agreed to go through with the whole ceremony was for Charlie and Renee.

Since I had received the letters from Edward, I had a new outlook on life. I understood why he had left, not that I agreed with it. He should have talked to me about it. We were supposed to be in the relationship together. He shouldn't have lied and said he didn't love me any more, but I did understand why he felt he had to do it. If it had been the other way around, there's nothing I wouldn't do to keep him safe.

My mom was flying in for just the one day, staying over night at a hotel in Port Angeles before heading back early tomorrow morning. Phil had broken his leg playing baseball and needed constant care at home. His sister was looking after him while my mom came to my graduation, but it meant that she couldn't stay long.

Renee hadn't taken the news of my travelling quite as well as Charlie and had been adamant that I wasn't going when I called her on Saturday evening. Charlie took the phone from me and managed to calm her down, reminding her that I was an adult and much more responsible than most eighteen year olds.

I looked myself over in the mirror. I was wearing a dress Leah and I had picked out in Port Angeles last week. It was a dark green, tight fitting dress with a high neck and long sleeves. The skirt came halfway down my calf and it had a belt the same colour as the dress that tied in a bow on my hip. I hadn't been sure about it, but Leah had insisted that it looked amazing on me, and now that I had a little make up on and my hair curled, I had to admit that she might have been right. Alice would have been proud of me.

My mom and dad were both sitting in the living room when I walked down the stairs and both looked at me proudly as I reached the bottom.

"Oh, Bella," Renee gushed, "You really are so grown up!"

"You look beautiful, Bells," Charlie said, as he led us out to the car.

Graduation went without a hitch and I had my parents and my friends from the reservation there to cheer me on, Leah being my loudest supporter. In the end I was really glad that I had went through with the ceremony. If it had been up to me, I would have opted out of the ceremony and just received my diploma in the post, but I had went along with it for my parents sake. It had been too much of a reminder that he was gone, but now with the knowledge from the letters and my plans to search for him, I was actually able to enjoy it all.

My parents took me out for dinner at the Lodge, the only fancy restaurant in Forks, and it was really nice to spend time together with both of my parents. Mom was still against my travel plans and not-so-subtly tried to talk me out of them, but Dad continued to fight my corner for me. Finally, she gave up, insisting that I keep in regular contact with both of them.

I hadn't told anyone except Leah about the letters. I knew that if my parents knew the real reason behind my sudden desire to travel, then they would both be dead set against it. I hated being deceitful, but this was something I just had to do for myself. I had felt more alive, more like my old self since I had received the letters and knew that he still loved me.

I was both nervous and excited as I spent the next few days packing and organising for my trip. I was desperate to find Edward and the rest of the family. I missed them all so much, but I also knew that it could be like searching for a needle in a haystack. As vampires trying to stay under the radar of humans, they knew exactly how to go undetected. I just hoped that my knowledge of them would help in my search, but I was well aware that I could end up unsuccessful.


I'm not sure if I'll have a recommendation every chapter with this story, but I am reading an amazing fic at the minute. It's a very dark, angsty fic and you many need to be careful if you are triggered by anything, but it is a beautiful story and I haven't been able to put it down, though you'll be please to know I've forced myself to put it down for tonight so I can write a bit more of this story.

Darkest Before the Dawn by CatMasters

What if Edward finally found his mate, but she had a troubled past and wanted to kill herself? Could he help her find a reason to live? Could she show him what he had always been missing? DARK themes, rape discussion and sexual content. AU, EPOV