Sorry about the cliffie in the last chapter, but I gotta keep you all on your toes! Here's the chapter you've all been waiting for. I hope you all think it was worth the wait!

Posting a little early this week. Tuesday evening here in Ireland, rather than my normal Wednesday morning so I don't keep you waiting as otherwise it would probably be an extra day. Anyway, enjoy!


I turned the doorknob, knowing that by now he had to know someone was here, and being the only person whose mind he couldn't hear, he had probably guessed it was me.

The door opened and the sight in front of me almost caused me to fall to my knees and cry. He was lying on the bed, curled up into a ball, not even looking in my direction, though he had to know I was here.

"Edward?" I said cautiously, not wanting to startle him in this state. He looked so vulnerable.

"No, no, no," he moaned, curling in on himself a little more, not even glancing up at me.

"Edward?" I said again, taking a few steps closer to him, confused by his reaction. Maybe he didn't want me here. I couldn't leave though, not now that I had finally found him.

"Not real, not real," he chanted quietly to himself. The pain in his voice broke my heart and I was even more confused. He thought I wasn't real? That made no sense at all. I took another few steps until I was standing right beside him. I didn't reach out to him, though I desperately wanted to.

"Edward, look at me," I implored, "Please?"

"I can't," he whimpered, "I can't do it again. I can't look at you and then watch you disappear."

"I'm here," I said, "I really am here. I'm not going anywhere, I promise. Look at me." He finally uncurled and raised his head to look at me, but avoided eye contact.

"See?" I said, "I really am here."

"That proves nothing," he scoffed, "Like I haven't seen you here many times before. I thought when I hunted, that you'd gone for good. I didn't really want you to go away, but not being able to touch you, smell you, hold you was too hard." His voice broke on the last word, a sound so full of pain. My heart broke once more at the thought that he had been seeing me all this time, his hallucinations taunting him and making the pain harder for him.

"Then touch me, smell me, hold me," I said, kneeling down beside the bed, "I really am here. Think about it. You can smell me." I wanted to reach out and touch him, but in the state he was in, I knew he needed to do this at his own pace.

He sniffed at the air, his eyes closing as he took in my scent. When he opened his eyes, he finally made eye contact with me and I felt the familiar crackle of electricity flow between us.

"I know you can feel that, too," I said, "Now, reach out and take my hand."

Tentatively, he reached out and gently touched the back of my hand with his fingers, another spark of electricity surging through me as his skin touched mine. As much as I was trying to convince him that I was real, I needed that touch just as much as he did, just to know for certain that he was real and this wasn't a dream.

"Oh, Bella," he whispered, "You really are here?" He sat up, pulling me into his embrace and I melted into his arms, back in the one place I had needed to be this whole time. I pulled back a little, looking up into his butterscotch eyes, before leaning in and placing my lips on his.

I knew his boundaries, so I only expected a small, chaste kiss, like every other time, but he deepened the kiss, swiping his tongue over my bottom lip. I got lost in the feeling of his lips on mine, and before I knew it I opened my mouth, granting his tongue the entrance it had been seeking. He had never kissed me like this before, always ending it before it could get heated, but now he was the one pushing for more and I couldn't and wouldn't deny him.

He pulled me onto his lap, my legs straddling either side of him, as his hands roamed over my back. My whole body felt like it was on fire, I could barely stay still. As I moved my hips, my centre grazed across something hard and I gasped at the sensation. His lips left mine at that moment and I thought that was it, but he just moved to my neck, kissing and sucking, working his way to the spot just behind my ear.

I moved my hips again, seeking some sort of release from the pressure that was beginning to build up within me and as I did he groaned into my neck, sending a shiver through my body to my core. Continuing to lave at my neck, he began to work his way down, his hands moving from my back towards the buttons of my shirt.

I couldn't look him in the eye, afraid that if I did the spell would be broken and he would put a stop to this, like he always had before. I was past the point of no return. I needed this and it felt like he did too. I was never worried about him hurting me before, and I still wasn't worried now. I trusted him completely.

The buttons of my shirt now open, he lightly ran his fingers along the edge of my bra, my hands fisting in his hair as he did so. He gently pushed my shirt off my shoulders, before quickly opening the clasp of my bra and letting it fall forward, exposing me to him for the first time ever. I felt like I should be embarrassed, but I wasn't. I wanted him to see me, all of me.

I pulled him back to my lips, kissing him deeply as his hands began to wander up my stomach towards my breasts. Every nerve in my body was alive and I felt a rush of wetness in my underwear, as his fingers finally grazed the bottom of my breasts.

Pulling away from him, I ran my hand down his body to grab the hem of his shirt. He was wearing far too many clothes for my liking and I was determined to rectify that. I pulled his t-shirt up over his head, throwing it off to the side as I took in his amazingly sculpted body. I had only seen him without a shirt once before; the day in our meadow when he'd shown himself in the sun. My memory of that day had not done him justice at all. I ran my hands down his muscular body, feeling every muscle under his smooth skin.

His hands continued exploring my breasts and I let out a loud moan as his fingers flicked over my already-hardened nipples. I barely had time to recover from that, when he bent his head down and sucked the peak into his mouth. The noise he made as he tasted me was the most erotic thing I had ever heard and I flung my head back, as his tongue swirled around the tip of my nipple.

I felt myself moving and opened my eyes to find myself on my back, with him towering over me. I finally looked up, meeting his eyes, which were now a deep black rather than the golden amber they had been when I first walked into the room. Rather than being scared, like I felt I should have been, the look in his eyes just turned me on more.

His hands roamed down my body to the top of my jeans and he quickly flicked open the button and peeled them down my legs, taking my shoes and socks with them. I lay there almost naked in front of him, as his dark eyes stared at every inch of my exposed skin, before landing on the only bit of me that was still covered. His already dark eyes blackened to pitch as he slowly hooked his fingers into my underwear and removed them.

After staring at me for a few moments, his gaze seeming to heat every part of my body that it touched, he began to unbutton his own jeans and soon he was kneeling in front of me in all his glory. I'd never seen a naked man in real life before, but I doubted that there was anyone out there as beautiful or glorious as he was at that moment.

Before I even had time to wonder how he was ever going to fit, he was looming over me once again, my vision filled with only him. He settled between my legs, his length skimming along my core and causing me to let out a moan. He looked deep into my eyes, seeming to question if this was what I wanted and he must have found the answer there as he gently started to push into me. He was slow and gentle, taking his time so as not to hurt me too much and the feel of him filling me completely was so wonderful that I hardly noticed the small amount of pain.

Once he was fully seated within me, I was flooded with a feeling of belonging, of home, at being filled by him. He began to slowly pull out before pushing back in again. Every thrust was slow and gentle, allowing me to get used to the feeling of him. After a few thrusts, all the pain had subsided and was replaced with a slow-building pleasure. He began to pick up the pace, hitting deep within me each time he thrust.

He continued like that, driving into me deeply, but slowly and gently, all the while the pressure within me built higher and higher, and soon I went tumbling over the edge, pleasure spreading through my body. My muscles clenched around him, as he thrust once more stilling his hips as he spilled into me with a growl. His face was glorious as he reached his climax, his eyes closed to the pleasure he was experiencing.

He half collapsed on top of me, though he still held most of his weight off me, pressing his forehead against mine as I came down from my high. I had never felt more sated or happier than I felt at that exact moment. Surrounded by him completely, he was all I could see, feel, and smell, and I never wanted to move.

Unfortunately, we couldn't stay like that forever and he soon rolled over, pulling me close to him and wrapping his arms around me.

"Bella, I'm sorr..." he began, but I cut him off, placing my finger on his lips.

"Don't you dare apologise for that," I scolded, "That was amazing and I don't regret a single second of it. Do you... regret it?" I looked away from him, unable to look him in the eyes.

"No," he answered instantly, "I can't find it in me to regret the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me. But, I left you and then the first thing I do when I see you again, after almost a year, is that. I don't know what came over me. Oh, God, please tell me I didn't hurt you?" He began looking over me, searching for any sign that he had hurt me like he always imagined he would.

"No," I said, looking up into his eyes so he would know I was telling the truth, "Not at all. It was amazing, wonderful and everything I ever hoped it would be."

"Bella," he said, tentatively, "I am sorry though, not for that, but for how I left you. You need to know I lied...that day in the woods."

"I know," I told him, matter of factly.

"You know?" he exclaimed.

"Yes," I replied, "I got your letters."

"What letters?" he asked, sitting up and turning us so we were facing each other.

"You wrote me letters, I received them," I told him, "I know you still love me. I know you lied to keep me safe. I know you've been hurting just as much as I was."

"But how...?" he began, confusion colouring his face.

"Rosalie, of all people," I said, "She hated what being away from me was doing to you and the rest of the family. Then when you just upped and left, she found the letters addressed to me and mailed them. When I realised that you still loved me, I had to find you."

"But how on earth did you find me here?" he asked incredulously.

"Well, I had some help with that," I told him, "I followed the postmark on the letters and eventually found your family in Rochester. They've been searching for you for months, ever since you left. Finally, Alice's visions lead us to Chicago and here we are."

"So, they are all here?" he asked.

"Yes, they are waiting close by," I said, "Though after what just happened, I hope not too close. Now, I understand Alice's smirks." I put my head in my hands as I felt the telltale blush creep over my face at the thought of Alice seeing what had just happened between us.

"God, I've missed that blush," he said, as he tugged my hands away from my face, "Please don't hide your face. I've lived without it for too long already."

He placed his hands on either side of my face and looked into my eyes, "Can you forgive me, Bella? For all the lies I told you? For leaving you?"

"Yes, as long as you promise not to leave me again and that we are in this together from now on," I told him, "You can't make decisions that affect both of us without me anymore. I understand why you left, but that wasn't just your decision to make. I don't care that I am safer without you in my life. I am miserable without you in my life."

"I promise," he vowed, "I won't ever leave you again. I don't think I would be able to do it again. I've been struggling just to stay away from you from the second that I left. I've been alone for a long time. I'm not used to making decisions as a couple, but I promise from here on out, we are a team."

"Thank you," I said, cuddling into his side again. We lay like that for a while, each just revelling in the feeling of having the other in our arms again. Finally, I broke the silence, not really wanting to burst our quiet little bubble, but knowing that this was something that had to be spoken about.

"Edward," I began, "Can we talk about when I first arrived here and you thought I wasn't real?"

"You think I'm crazy, right?" he groaned, "I think I am, or at least I was. I hadn't hunted in a long time. Even before I left my family I wasn't really hunting properly, only going when they dragged me out, and even then, I wasn't fully sating myself. After I left, I wasn't hunting at all. Eventually, I began hallucinating. I would see you here. At first, I thought you were real, but then I realised I couldn't touch you or smell you. After I hunted properly a few days ago, the hallucinations stopped."

"You're not crazy," I told him, "You were starved. Everything is fine now."

"Everything is more than fine, now that I have you back in my arms," he told me, pulling me tighter against him, "I honestly don't think I would have lasted much longer without at least trying to check on you. It was harder after hunting. I was more aware of the pain, of the time passing."

A few moments passed when I heard a small ping come from my phone. I fumbled around, quickly finding my phone in my jeans pocket. I flipped it open to find a text from Alice.

"Alice," I told Edward, "They have all gone back to the hotel. I guess they know we need some time alone. She says we can meet them back there when we are ready."

"I suppose we do have a lot to talk about," Edward said, "I'm not stupid enough to think that everything is just magically fixed now. I know I have a lot to make up for."

I looked up into his eyes. Though the pain there had lessened, I could see that he was still beating himself up over his misguided intentions of keeping me safe.

"Yes," I told him truthfully, because he had really hurt me and it was going to take some time to get over that, "But I do understand why you left. Your world is dangerous for a human. I get that, I really do. I have the scars to prove that." I looked down at the scar on my wrist, turning it to see it shimmering slightly in the light. "But we are connected, mated. That didn't change just because you left." I hated to have to hurt him by telling him what life was like for me after he left, but he had to understand.

"When you left, I was barely able to function," I continued, "Like you said in one of your letters, I was no longer living, I was just existing. I went to school, did my homework, went to work and cooked for Charlie, but it was like I was simply going through the motions. I don't really remember the first few months. It was only after Charlie threatened to send me to live with Renee again that I snapped out of it a little." I took a deep breath, trying to push back the tears that threatened to fall as I thought about the worst time of my life. Despite being in his arms, it was hard to even think about.

"After that, I began living a little more. I made some new friends," I told him, deciding not to reveal too much about Leah just yet, "That helped me to get through it a bit easier, but it still felt like I had a hole in my chest. Like my heart had been ripped out."

"Oh God, I'm so sorry," he sobbed, "I thought because you were human that you wouldn't feel it the same as I did. I'm so sorry I underestimated your feelings for me. If I had thought for even a second that you were feeling as much pain as I was, I would have been back at your side in a heartbeat."

"That's why you should have spoken to me about it," I said, "We were supposed to be a team. It wasn't just your decision to make. It's my life and I need to have a say in how I live it."

"I know," he said, pressing a small kiss to my forehead, "I promise, I will never do that again. I won't try to make decisions about your life without you."

"You really mean that?" I asked, thinking that I was probably mad for thinking about bringing this subject up right now.

"Of course," he replied.

"So, that means we can at least talk about me becoming like you?" I asked tentatively, knowing that despite what he had just promised, he still wasn't going to be happy about this subject. I felt him tense beside me, not answering immediately but I waited, giving him time to sort out his thoughts.

"You don't know what you're asking," he finally answered, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

"I'm asking for us to openly discuss it," I said, "For you not to just shut me down anytime I bring it up. For you to not make decisions about my life like you just promised."

When he didn't say anything, I continued, "I understand that it's a huge decision and it's not something I will take lightly. All I'm asking is that we're able to talk about it and you will hear me out."

"Okay," he said quietly, "I suppose that's reasonable. We can talk about it, but does it have to be now? Can I just enjoy having you here with me again for a while?"

"Yes, of course," I said, happy that he was at least open to the discussion, "Thank you."

"Thank you," he said, "For finding me. For having faith in us that I didn't have. For forgiving me, even though I probably don't really deserve it." He pulled me up to him, kissing me deeply, before tucking me back into his side again. The hole in my chest that had been my constant companion over the last year was gone, not just healed but as though it had never existed.


Okay guys, let me know what you thought! Was it worth the wait?

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