Chapter 11: The Hero I Have to Be

Yesterday, I was the talk of Arcadia High for saving the notorious supervillain Hellhound. Students and teachers lavished me with praise for rescuing a kidnapping victim, stopping a potential gang war and putting a feared villain behind bars. Naturally, I soaked it up like a sponge. Some of them asked for spicy deets, but I just directed them to the PRT's official press release.

It was a different story today. Since my confrontation with Shadow Stalker hadn't been publicized with a proper press release, that made more than a few people want to know exactly why I stepped in.

My answer was pretty simple: "I don't like bullies. At all."

That didn't satisfy everyone, though.

"Who wants to read PHO when I can get it straight from the source, uncensored?"

Oh, Chelsea. My fellow blonde was a sucker for cape action. I couldn't knock her for it, since that was what made us friends. However, there wasn't much to geek about today.

Everything was clearly illustrated on PHO, nipping any wrong speculation in the bud. That didn't stop a couple of miserable people from complaining that I stopped a hero who was just doing her job.

Idiots.

"Hate to burst your bubble, Chels, but nothing really happened. Some girl was getting bullied, I tried to stop it, Shadow Stalker made the wrong assumption and got involved."

"Why, though?"

I shrugged, pulling out my Geometry textbook from my locker. "She just took her side, no questions asked. Good thing Triumph was there to calm us all down."

Her green eyes lit up. "Isn't he dreamy?"

I mimed sealing my lips. Triumph wasn't bad, but I already had my own knight in shining armour.

"Oh, right. Anyway... I would have loved to see Triumph save the day, but what if he didn't?"

"Then I'd figure something out," I said, stacking my World History and English Lit textbooks inside my locker. I really didn't like the way Chelsea perked up. "I'm not going to fight a hero, Chelsea."

Chelsea pouted. "Boo. It's not like you would've lost."

I rolled my eyes. "Save the versus debates for PHO."

That snapped her back into reality, bringing a guilty frown on her face.

"Sorry, Vicky. I don't mean to be a bother, but I don't know anyone else who's all about the cape life. Well, besides your sis."

The second after she mentioned her, she shivered. Which wasn't surprising: if I was a brick wall, Amy was the Birdcage.

"Amy isn't that bad. She only knows what she knows, and she doesn't like it when you try and force something out of her. I'm sure you two can get along."

She shrugged with one shoulder. "Well, you know her best, I guess. I really don't want to be a drag, though."

I smiled, gently closing my locker. "You aren't. Just... pump the brakes a bit, 'kay?"

Chelsea beamed. "KK!"

Barely anything brought her down for long, which was pretty great. Even I felt the blues sometimes...

"Between you and me, though?" I whispered, beckoning her closer. "I'd definitely beat Shadow Stalker, any day of the week."

She giggled, all light and airy. "Wouldn't she be kinda slippery, though? She can transform into a literal shadow."

"Well, yeah, but..."

We got into all sorts of cape talk as we walked to class. Yes, walked, like a normal person. I couldn't fly within Arcadia school grounds unless it was an emergency, and let me tell you, it sucked. On the plus side, Glory Girl was such a familiar presence at Arcadia High that I could actually be an ordinary popular high school student.

Most of the time, anyway.

AP Math wasn't too brainbending today, but I was confident I could get to grips with Euclidean geometry before finals. It was the only class keeping me from getting straight As. Eventually, we were let out with homework to do, and Chelsea and I went to the courtyard for lunch.

Arcadia's courtyard was filled with trees and hedges and flower beds with a rainbow of blooming petals, surrounded on either side by the pair of tall white buildings that made up the prestigious school.

Amy was sitting alone (as usual) on one of the tables, cradling a neon orange flower. Most people gave her a wide berth, but Chelsea ran up to Amy's side, smiles for days.

"Hi, Amy!" Chelsea said. If she was any bubblier, she'd be sparkling. "That's a really nice flower!"

"It is," Amy said, all wound up. "Can I... help you, Chelsea?"

"Just wanted to chat. That okay?"

Her mouth twisted, but when she saw me, Amy lightened up, slipping the flower inside her bag. Aww, and it looked so pretty. When did she find the time to paint it?

"Fine by me."

I gave my sis a big smile. "What's with the flower, Ames?"

Amy bristled, frowning. "Art project. It isn't done yet."

"You'll let me see it once you're finished?"

"... Sure."

"Awesome." Chelsea and I sat down next to Amy, pulling out our lunches – BLTs for me and Amy, a coleslaw salad for Chelsea. "God, my brain is fried from all that geometry."

"Ditto," Chelsea said. "You're so lucky you don't take AP Math."

"Regular Math's more than enough for me," Amy said.

"How was Biology?"

Amy smirked. "Interesting."

The floodgates opened as Amy regaled us with everything her class was covering. Amy was the biology whiz, always scoring As and A+'s. She could do college-level courses if she wanted, but she wanted to do those courses when she was actually going to university.

Her loss.

I didn't do Biology at all, let alone the advanced kind, so most of what Amy was going on about flew over my head. I did my best to keep the conversation going, since the last thing I wanted was to discourage Amy from being passionate about whatever she liked.

"So... you watch any soccer, Amy?" Chelsea asked once Amy slowed down, toying with her juice box.

Looked like I wasn't the only one who was zoning out.

"I don't really watch sports." Amy glanced at me for a second. I gave her an encouraging nod. "Sometimes, I'll watch some tennis, but only during the US Open."

"'Cuz of the time zones, right? OMG, it's so annoying! If I wanna watch a Chelsea match, I have to record it, avoid any spoilers, and wait until after school. So many hoops!"

Amy snorted. "I still can't believe there's a soccer team called Chelsea. Not surprised you're a fan, though."

Chelsea put her hands on her hips, proudly displaying the royal blue colours of her official Chelsea shirt.

"They're amazing. When you get the chance, there's this documentary about Chelsea's rise to glory you should totally check out. Seeing how they bounced back after the Simurgh attacked London, and how they won their league was sooooo inspiring!"

"I'll take your word for it," Amy said, which was code for 'I'm not interested'.

"It really was an inspiring story," I said. "Don't knock it 'till you try it."

Her brow furrowed. "If you say so."

Chelsea hadn't stopped smiling. "I kinda thought you'd be more into basketball, Amy."

Amy shrugged. "Victoria's the basketball buff."

Didn't stop her from tagging along with me and Dad to Boston during last year's finals. There was a basketball fan in Amy, I just had to bring it into the light.

Chelsea snapped her fingers. "Hey, you want to know a surefire way to make Victoria mad? Say you're a Lakers fan! If you were dating her, she'd literally break up with you!"

I felt my cheeks heat up from embarrassment. That wasn't one of my greatest moments. Then again, there were thirty-two NBA franchises and two in Los Angeles. Why would anyone support the fucking Lakers? Everyone knew they bought out the refs. Argh, just thinking about those cheaters pissed me off.

My sister rolled her eyes. "Good thing I'm not a Lakers fan."

"I am, though," Dean said. "They play great basketball and know how to win. It's just sport at the end of the day."

'Just' sport. Ball was life.

"Hi, Dean," Chelsea said, wiggling her fingers.

Amy was startled, but I wasn't. I saw him approach us from like a mile away.

"Afternoon, Chelsea, everyone. You don't mind if I borrow Victoria for a bit?"

Dean was looking at Amy more than Chelsea, quiet as a mouse. It was so sweet, the way he always considered her.

"Bring her back in one piece," Amy said. "If you don't mind."

He smiled. "That's the plan."

"Have fun!" Chelsea said.

I stood up and took Dean's hand, letting him lead me to a secluded corner of the courtyard shrouded by a canopy of tree leaves and sat us down on the nearby wooden bench. It was a nice place to be when you wanted privacy. Thankfully, we usually got it, and the Faraday cage surrounding the school prevented any cell phone signals from going out of the school.

"How are you doing, really?" Dean asked.

I looked deep into his eyes. "Let me show you."

Pulling him close, I pecked him on the cheek. He was warm, holding my waist as I leaned in for a searing kiss. I needed to thank him for saving me from nearly being frozen to death, show him just how grateful I was for all his support.

I poured my heart into every kiss on his yielding lips, wanting nothing more than to be one with my boyfriend in body, heart and soul, but our time was fleetingly brief. When I pulled away, overcome by bliss, a cute blush flushed his face.

"Wow." Dean's laugh that was a melody to my ears. "You're clearly feeling a lot better."

"It's all thanks to Amy. And you, of course."

"I'm glad I could help." Dean slowly let go of my waist. "Not that I want to ruin this moment, but I have to ask. Did you tell your mother about the thing we spoke about?"

I took in a deep breath, stilling my thumping heart. Just like that, a normal, idyllic day had been ruined... but it wasn't Dean's fault. He gave me more time than I deserved.

"Not yet," I said. "We were actually planning to tell Aunt Sarah."

"But you haven't." He blew out a frustrated sigh. "What's stopping you?"

"Nothing!" I bit my lip. Couldn't we just keep on making out? "I'll tell her as soon as I can."

Dean frowned. "And when is that, when you're ready? I don't have a problem with you telling your aunt, but you have to tell someone. Soon."

"I'll do it, Dean, really. I know you've been really patient with me, and I appreciate that, but I just need a little bit more time."

He sighed. "It's your life, not mine."

So blasé. Call it instinct or just knowing how Dean functioned, but I knew he was biting his tongue. I'd take it. I had to talk to my aunt sooner or later.

"What happened yesterday, with Shadow Stalker?" Dean asked.

I started to frown. "I thought you already knew."

"I heard stories, but you were there. Why jump in?"

Butterflies started to flap their wings inside my gut, churning up a storm.

"Emma Barnes was bullying someone. She and her friends harassed this disabled girl last year. It was so awful, Dean. I had to intervene."

"Good job." He shook his head, disgusted. "What about the other girl? How was she doing?"

My frown deepened. "I don't want to talk about her."

"Why, was she a hater?"

Yep. She was a hater I barely knew. A hater I couldn't stop thinking about.

"Did you get to speak to that bug girl?" I asked, before Dean could start asking more questions. "You know, Amy and I started calling her Firefly. It might be taken, but at least she could maybe use that name... right?"

"I'll ask her about her name if I get to see her."

Between the flat tone and poker face, I was pretty sure he knew how to contact her. That didn't make them friends, though.

"Great. She needs all the help she can get."

Dean reached for my hand. I let him grab it, feeling his soft skin, the calluses just below his fingers. My man worked hard and I loved it.

"Don't worry if that girl didn't appreciate your help. People lash out when they're angry."

Ordinary people. This girl wasn't mad at Shadow Stalker, who wanted to haul her out of the mall with her bare hands.

"I know."

A smile blessed his face, soothing my woes and putting that praying mantis out of mind. When we approached Amy and Chelsea before the end of lunch break, I was in brighter spirits. I couldn't say the same for poor Chelsea, who ran straight at us.

"Have fun?" I asked, smiling.

Chelsea's eyes were bulging out of their sockets. "Fun? With that brick wall you call a sister?"

"I thought you guys were getting along!" I said.

"Until she decided she was done talking! How does she even function?"

My smile flipped upside down. "She can talk, Chelsea. It's not rocket science. Try harder."

Chelsea flinched. "Seriously, Vicky? I know she's your sis, but –"

"Let her talk," Dean said, smoothly interrupting us. "And listen. Show that you're genuinely interested in what she's saying."

"Pretty much," I said. It helped Amy was always willing to talk to me, but I suppose I did have an advantage or two. "Sorry, Chels."

"I can listen, really well, but how do you listen to someone who doesn't want to speak?!" She threw her hands up. "God!"

She had a point. If Amy couldn't open up to me, Chelsea was basically shit out of luck. It wasn't right, though.

"I'll talk to her," I said. "But she'll come around, I know it."

Even though Chelsea was freaking out, Amy seemed at peace, pulling out her neon flower and staring at it like it was about to bloom. Our eyes crossed paths and I winked, gave her a smile.

She returned it.

I didn't like that Amy was keeping secrets from me, at all, but part of being a good sister was accepting that. Once Amy was ready to talk, I'd be there, ready to listen and give her the support she needed.


Before I went to Parahumans class, I set up a patrol Downtown with Lady Photon. Fortunately, she was available. Enthusiastic, too.

It wasn't the first time Lady Photon and I flew together on such a fine afternoon, but simply seeing her riddled me with doubt. The longer I took to tell her the truth, the more I felt this gnawing urge to go back to how I used to be.

Not like that would help.

"Something on your mind, Glory Girl?" Lady Photon asked.

"Nothing," I said.

She gazed at me with kind blue eyes, and I bet she saw right through me. Ugh. I was too paranoid for my own good.

"If you say so."

I felt the knot in my stomach loosening up. Mom would've forced me to talk through sheer force of will. My aunt was willing to let things go, but I knew she knew something was up. There was a reason why she got called 'Photon Mom', and it wasn't because she looked over the younger heroes like a mother hen.

Even though they had practically the same face, the same eyes and the same wavy blonde hair, the sloping purple lines on Lady Photon's white bodysuit, her relaxed posture and the warmth that she radiated made it easy to trust her. Mom was too rigid, too angular in comparison.

Sometimes, it really struck me just how different they were.

"Did you know that Mom's taking care of Hellhound?" I asked.

Lady Photon's brow furrowed. "I do, and I'm not surprised. Poor Hellhound went through quite the ordeal, and when your mother sets her mind on performing her duty, she'll fight through heaven and earth to accomplish it."

I frowned. "She wasn't in a good way. I'm glad we got her out of there."

Lady Photon smiled, brightening my mood. "As am I. I only wish I was there to help."

That would've been pretty cool. At least Crystal was there to represent the Pelhams. To think, how much had changed in just a few short days.

Last Thursday, I was the butt of Circus' clown act and the Undersiders beat down the Wards. Now, Hellhound was in jail and the Undersiders' days were numbered. Even my face-off with Shadow Stalker was more relevant than those dogshit memes of my powdered face. Fortunately for me, barely anyone noticed my little talk with that weird girl, but if they did, well... what difference would it make?

It wasn't like she said anything incriminating, she was just an angry, irritating little worm who thought I was like Emma. She was lucky I didn't set her straight for even thinking I was anything like that bitch, but I knew better than to lash out.

Honestly, I was so proud that I kept my cool, but other than that, it wasn't a story worth telling. Oh no, someone was being mean to me. Whatever, it wasn't a big deal. I'd just prove her wrong.

Arresting a cape would do the trick. If only I could find one. Coil's army wasn't going up against the Empire Eighty-Eight, and the Merchants weren't trying to steal some relevancy by expanding past Archer's Bridge. They'd only fail because they sucked.

Lady Photon checked in on local businesses and the like, asking people questions that painted a picture about crime in the area that we didn't get to see: Nazis were selling more product, and Purity was patrolling Downtown most nights, even reaching out to people.

We only patrolled for an hour and already had a lot of information we could use. Sure, I knew how to talk to people, but Lady Photon made me look like a rank amateur. Then again, this was all in a day's work for New Wave's PR manager. Brandish's stint at the job didn't go so well, so she let Lady Photon take back the reins – hah, horse lingo – last year and returned to working as New Wave's legal rep.

Unfortunately, we couldn't find a crime in need of stopping. In times like these, I'd think about doing other activities. Asking Aunt Sarah if she needed help was one of them. But I couldn't get distracted or bored. That was how I flew in to kick Firefly's ass, maim her because she pissed me off with her foul mouth and her villain costume and her glossy hair...

That was why Taylor couldn't stand me.

"Do you want to take a break, Victoria?" Lady Photon asked. She was ahead of me, floating with one leg slightly raised.

I nodded, both of my feet flat against an invisible platform.

"Yes, please."

There was this smoothie bar near Brockton Square, The Groovy Smoothie: a trendy place combining retro chic with cutting edge tech and forward-thinking customer service. We flew down, picked from the dizzying variety of flavours and had our smoothies ready in less than five minutes. Only problem was that it wasn't cheap, but it didn't stop the place from being packed with folks my age.

Naturally, I signed some autographs and posed in fan photos: hand on my hip, grinning or smouldering with some grateful fans. Lady Photon even got in on the action.

Sure, I loved the attention, but I learned how to put up a mostly genuine front to a) keep my private life secret and b) protect my sanity from the bullshit people conjured up about me and my family.

One of the drawbacks of being a hero, but I couldn't complain about the perks. They were fabulous.

Afterwards, we flew onto a high-rise building overlooking the smoothie bar, buzzing from the positivity we were lavished with. I savoured it like I savoured the mix of strawberry, cranberry and passion fruit that rippled across my tastebuds, cold and refreshing as it went down my throat.

"That was rather exciting," Aunt Sarah said. She sipped from her mango smoothie, a more sedate blend than my exotic mix. "Mmm. This is delicious."

I smiled. "Right?"

She smiled, smoothing out her unruly hair. "This is why it's so important to take breaks when you can. You never know what you might find."

I didn't want this to end, but before long, there was no more smoothie left for me to drink, and cold, hard reality set in.

"There's something I have to tell you," I said.

She pressed her lips in a flat line, then set our empty smoothie cups on the roof and vaporized them with her purple lasers.

"I'm listening."

No more running. I looked my aunt in the eye and told her everything. By the time I was done, I took the way her soft features turned to stone like it was a personal attack... but I was also struck by the strangest sense of relief.

Talk about deja vu.

"Is this bug girl your only victim?" she asked, and even though I braced myself, her disgust still hit harder than I ever could. I looked at the four-pointed star on her bodysuit, unable to bear it.

"She's the only one who's innocent."

"Innocent? So you think this violence was justified?" She hissed out a harsh breath. "Look at me, Victoria."

That terse, harsh tone was a big warning not to try anything funny. Not that I'd try.

"Why did you hide this from us?"

A frown twisted my mouth. "I... I knew how bad it was. I didn't want to cause you any trouble."

I didn't want to look weak in front of people who cared about me.

"Bad is a massive understatement." She frowned, too, rigid. "I'm telling your mother about this."

"No!" I shouted. "Not yet! We'll tell her ourselves, Aunt Sarah. I promised Amy we'd come to you first!"

Aunt Sarah scowled. "Then why isn't Amy with us?"

"I had to do it, or it would never happen."

Aunt Sarah pressed her fingers against her temple, biting back a migraine. "Just like your mother." Some of her anger had departed from her gentle face, but it was still filled with hard lines born from disappointment. "Whose idea was it to keep this a secret? Was it yours?"

"It was. Amy's been encouraging me to come clean this whole time, but she's afraid Mom's gonna cover this up even harder if we tell her."

She closed her eyes, and I could practically hear her counting to five. "Carol would never do that."

"I know. I even told Amy that, but she can be really stubborn sometimes."

"I'm not surprised. Even so, you've kept this secret for far too long. Do you expect me to fix this for you and sweep everything under the rug?"

Yes! I wanted to say, but I forced myself to shut up.

I wanted to forgive myself and apologize to Firefly, be a hero she could believe in... and I could only do that when I took responsibility for the pain I inflicted on her. I knew something was off about that strange girl with her glossy girl and wide glasses, but it was hard to believe that she and the bug girl I crippled were one and the same.

Then I put two and two together.

I couldn't accept that we'd reunited before I was ready, but there was no escape from reality when it hit you like a ton of bricks.

"Of course not. Like I said, I want to tell Mom myself, and I agreed with Amy that we'd tell her once we set up a proper plan."

Even though Aunt Sarah didn't loom over me like the sword of Damocles that was my boyfriend, she made me feel like I was in the eye of the hurricane, weathering the calm before the storm of punishments.

"If you told me about this the day you did it, you could've taken accountability for your crime, but now, we'll have to take a different approach."

"You're really gonna help me?" I almost smiled, bolstered by a renewed hope. "Thanks, Aunt Sarah!"

She glared at me. "Don't thank me, Victoria: you will be taking full responsibility for your crimes. The last thing I want is for our family to be ruined because of your arrogance."

I wasn't being arrogant – no, I was. This was the epitome of arrogance, assuming that New Wave's principles weren't for me because Amy would hide my cruelty from the world.

"I'm sorry. I know it doesn't mean much, but I never wanted to hurt you guys, or ruin New Wave. I just wanted to stop crime."

Aunt Sarah's frown didn't waver a bit. "You'll earn your forgiveness, Victoria, one way or another. However, I'll keep this between us for the time being. Feel free to inform your sister about our talk."

I nodded. That was more than what I could really ask for.

"Do you think we can save New Wave?"

Her glare evaporated, replaced by naked fear. "I don't know. What you've done can't be taken back."

We still had to try. This had to be fixed, piece by piece, bit by bit, until the wound was closed and able to scar. There would be a blemish, a black mark, but it would be a reminder of my hubris.

Fuck. I hoped I wasn't too late.