Chapter 22

Meanwhile, back at the house, Mary was watching a movie while she was helping her grandmother decorate Christmas cookies. "...I am here tonight to warn you, that you have yet a chance and a hope of escaping my fate. You will be haunted by three spirits..."

In the dining room, as "A Christmas Carol" from 1951 plays on a small TV, trays of freshly baked cookies are on the counter while Omi was kneading dough for the next batch. Mary said, "This is one of my favorite versions of A Christmas Carol. Second place is tied with Disney's Jim Carry and Mickey's Christmas Carol. I heard that London is making another one and it'll be released on FX in a couple of years. I hope I get to see it. One of my favorite British actors, Guy Pearce, will be on it."

Omi said, "My favorite versions are 1951, like you, and the 1971 cartoon since the art style looks like the original book. I've tried Jim Carry's and it's not my cup of tea. I do give the actors credit for trying though."

Mary said, "Unlike the poor souls that did 'Mars Needs Mom'." Both of them shivered with grossness. "Such a career killer that movie was." Then the 2 continued with their work. Omi continued baking sugar cookies from scratch, enjoying the peace and quiet while Mary was decorating the newest cooled-down cookies. But then Omi pauses. Sensing something coming... the noise. Mary said, "Doesn't sound good. Bet you 50 bucks they forgot about tonight for me." Omi smacked behind Mary's head as they laughed. Then they sigh, bracing themselves as the front door bursts open and the rest of the Engel family storms in, overloaded with boxes and bags. Dad said, "And you're going to write an apology to the rest of your class for ruining the recital. What were you thinking, Max? That kid was twice your size."

Max trundles in wearing his costume with an ice pack over one eye, still hurt and glum from the fight. "Yeah but Ben Kuklinski is always ragging on Christmas. He even told the first graders that Santa was just a cheap marketing ploy invented to sell Pepsi." Max is trying to hide how upset he is but his dad notices. Mary went to the freezer and pulled out a bag of peas and walked up to Max to replace the ice pack. "Thanks, sis." Mary threw the old one away. It's just an old sock in ice-wet water in a towel anyway.

Beth said looking at her phone. "Coke."

Max turned to her. "You know what I mean."

Beth said, "But not why you care."

Max said, "Well someone's gotta."

Tom kneels down with a fresh ice pack, put the peas away, and inspects Max's bruised eye…and his ego. "Here, lemme see."

Max winces. "Ow ow ow..."

Tom looked at it and said, "Eh, it's not so bad. But c'mon, champ, was dropkicking him into the manger really the best way to handle this?" Mary covered her mouth as she started to burst out laughing with helped Max smile.

Max said, "I was under the influence." Tom gives him a look. "What? All we had to eat was Christmas fudge and candy canes." Cute. Tom can't help but smile and tousle Max's hair. Max seems to cheer up - a beat of calm in the holiday chaos.

Sarah unwraps a brand-new framed family portrait. "Not to sound harsh, but every kid has to learn the truth someday. Beth, help me hang this?"

Hearing his mom say this, Max sinks, ever so slightly. "No, I know. I just - I didn't want it ruined... for the little kids." But something tells us Max is lying, both to us and himself...Mary hugged her brother. She whispered in his ear. "Don't worry too much. His cousin is in my troupe. He's going to boot camp thanks to this." The twins high-five each other. "See how God works especially close to his kid's birthday?"

Tom changes the TV from "A Christmas Carol" to cable news, filling the house with terrorism and holiday crimes. He then looks at Omi's cookies and taps her on the shoulder. "These look great, Mom."

Omi smiles and nods, speaking softly, "Danke."

Tom said, "But don't work too hard, Sarah already bought cookies at the store. Look better than what we have here." Omi's smile drops, clearly insulted and Mary wanted to flip the bird at him but Omi quickly covered her hand and placed it on the counter at a lightning-fast speed. Tom's cell phone rings. "It's Roger."

Sarah said, "I thought you said you weren't working over Christmas, Tom."

Tom replied. "I said no traveling over Christmas. I still need to take a few calls." He went back to his phone. "Hey, Roger. Yeah, now's fine, what's up?"

Annoyed, Sarah grabs the new family portrait and heads for the living room as Tom starts towards his den. Max asked, "Hey wait, aren't we gonna watch Charlie Brown and wrap presents together like always?"

Tom said to him, "After what you pulled today you can do it alone, and fast because your cousins will be here any minute." Then he went back on the phone. "No, no, that was for my kid. It's a Christmas cluster-eff over here."

Tom leaves as Max slumps into a chair. Sympathetic, Omi helps him unroll the gift wrap as Mary for the ribbons and tape and quickly changes the TV from sad to Charlie Brown. "Thanks, guys."

Omi dabs his nose with frosting, and asked, "Have you finished it?"

Max shakes his head. Max makes sure the coast is clear, then removes a letter from his pocket. "I started, but I don't know what to ask for this year."

BOOM-BOOM-BOOM - they flinch at the sounds of HAMMERING and SHOUTING from the next room. Sarah said, "Because they're family, Beth! And it's only for a few days!"

Beth said, "Last year I found shit in my bed, mom. Human SHIT."

Sarah tried to explain. "For the last time, that was their dog!"

The three exchanged looks and Om said, "I'm sure you will think of something."

Back in the living room, BOOM-BOOM-BOOM! Framed family portraits bounce and clatter against the wall with each deafening hammer blow. Beth yelled, "'They're why some people shouldn't be allowed to breed!' Your words, Mom, not mine!"

Beth storms upstairs as Sarah calls after her, "I never said that!" Then she said to herself, "I said maybe they should have to take a test before they're allowed to breed." Sarah finishes hanging the portrait, obsessively re-adjusting it so it's just right. But scanning the line of annual holiday photos, she finally seems to notice something: Excited young grins becoming forced smiles. The tight huddle around Santa turns into a loose grouping as well as Santa looks at Beth's ass. A visual history of her family's dissolution from one Christmas to the next. Sarah's tense veneer softens, suddenly realizing how their once cherished tradition has become an obligation...but she also noticed something else… "Wasn't Mary with us today?"

Back in the dining room, Max asked, "Omi... do you really still believe in Santa?"

Omi frowns as if remembering something she'd rather forget. She tries finding the right words, then she said, "Of course. But... I also believe St. Nicholas is what you make him."

Max and Mary asked, "What do you mean?"

Omi said, "That to believe in him is to believe in the true spirit of the holiday. The spirit of giving. Of sacrifice..." She stares off, lost in a memory. Max watches with growing concern until she said, "I also believe in dessert before dinner." Omi hands him a cookie. Max takes it with an uneasy smile, wondering what secrets his grandmother may be hiding…

Then he turned to his sister. "What about you sis? Do you believe in Santa?"

Mary smiled. "You're talking to someone who wants to be a cryptozoologist like our great-great-grandfather. Of course, I believe in Santa. He teaches us to give to those that need it the most with kindness in our hearts as well as showing us the wonders of the world through his toys and good deeds. One of my principal ballet dancers knows this from experience."

Max asked, "What happened?"

Mary said, "Well when she was young and lived in a different state, she used to have a small lemon tree in the backyard. Nothing too special but once she accidentally grew sprite soda one year," Max looked at her confused. "I'm still stumbling on that part too. Anyway, one day at school, she had homework basically forcing a bunch of 5th graders to disbelieve in figures like Santa, Tooth-fairy, and the Easter bunny. Well after that homework assignment, she stopped believing in Santa. She wasn't a bad girl, but she just stopped. Well on Christmas eve, she heard something sneezing against her window. She opened the shades and saw a red glow. After she couldn't sleep so she watched some TV. Once morning came and she went outside to get some lemons, the poor tree was torn to shreds with no lemons in sight and a lot of hoofprints in the mud. Well her family had a fit about what the hell happened, but that made her believe in Santa again. Years later, after she became a Godmother in her early 20s, she wrote a letter to Santa saying please skip my house and give my presents to those who need it the most and help my Godkid keep the holiday spirit as you did me. Also, she wasn't upset about the tree anymore." Max gave a weird look. "She got 2 movies out of it and the look on her parents' faces was priceless cause those presents didn't come from them."(True story too.)

Max's eyes widen and his mouth wide open. "Wow."

Mary said, "So…" She giggled. "Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus." She put a cookie that Omi made and decorated and put in Max's mouth waking him up and started to eat it. Mary laughed.

Omi said, "Tell him about your ballet."

Max said, "Oh yeah! Any funnies this time?"

Mary smiled. "Boy do I have one for you." Then she started to tell him about the dancing pigs and the dancing chickens which made Max laugh.