Chapter 34.
Reviews? Seriously? A little disappointed here.
As instructed by Mameha, I went back to the okiya and told Mother of my condition and of Mameha's plan.
I didn't dwell on the other procedure. Mother would not be overly concerned about that. However, my current physical state concerned the future of our okiya. I was the publicly acknowledged daughter of the okiya. But to my great astonishment, Mother didn't blink at my diagnosis and what it meant for me.
Instead, Mother readily grabbed onto Mameha's idea of bringing Hatsumo's child into the okiya and have the world acknowledge it as my own.
Mother would not live forever, and she would rather burn the okiya to the ground before letting Hatsumomo or Pumpkin take the name of Nitta.
As the adopted daughter, I was always expected to eventually produce a female child, who would then become the heir to the okiya. Mother didn't even flinch at the proposal of taking Hatsumo's child and passing if off as my own. If anything, Mother was only troubled about passing the whole thing off successfully and discreetly as possible.
Naively, I was a little taken back by Mother's overall attitude towards the entire situation. But then again, this was Mother. Had I ever known her to act any other way?
Like with Auntie, Mother took my diagnosis in stride, thinking only of a successor for the okiya. Thinking only of the future. Thinking only of survival.
"I'll write to Arashino right away" Mother told me. Her fingers moved restlessly, probably itching for her pipe. We had not seen tobacco in months. "Today in fact, I have the paper and even some ink hidden away. I will hire a personal currier to travel to deliver the message and the money."
Auntie, lying on her futon, was privy to our conversation. Her cough was at its weakest. Her eyes looked yellow and tired. I wondered silently if I would come to look like that, like a skeleton that could move and talk in raspy whispers.
"Will Hatsumomo agree, though?" I asked hesitantly, afraid of the flaw that only I seemed to notice in Mameha's near perfect plan. "It is after all her child, and it was fathered by the Chairman. I imagine Hatsumomo would wish to keep it."
Mother merely snorted and Auntie coughed in agreement.
"We are not poor, Sayuri" Mother said, tapping her fingers on her bony thigh. "Offer Hatsumomo a little money and she would happily toss the child into the gutter head-first!"
"That is true!" Auntie rasped weakly from her futon.
"The Chairman won't care" Mother continued coldly, "It's only a girl, and we haven't seen a sen for it's upkeep!"
I lowered my head to the worn tatami mats and tried to school my face into blankness.
"It was Nobu-san who was supposed to pay for the child, and now he is in prison," I reminded Mother, in a quiet voice, trying to be respectful. "Who knows when he will return?"
Mother only shook her head and huffed angrily. I was fooling no one.
"I don't care who promised what. It never happened! From either man."
Mother's voice was still strong and shrill, like she was debating the price of hair wax or kimono before the war and not deciding the fate of an innocent child.
"Men and fools!" she muttered. "This goes to show you, Sayuri-san just how far a man's word will go."
"Nowhere far!" Mother sneered.
"You will stay home and take care of Auntie," Mother said, as if just now reminded that I was carrying the same disease that was taking Auntie's life before our very eyes.
"It will all seem very natural and appropriate for you to stay home to take care of her. You are the daughter of the okiya. No will question this arrangement."
"Pumpkin!" Auntie gasped suddenly. "You need to throw out Pumpkin. She cannot stay in the okiya." Mother stiffened.
"Of course!" Mother exclaimed. "How could I not think of that! That stupid girl will ruin all our plans." Mother slapped her hand against her leg angrily. A troublesome impediment to her plan.
"She won't go without a fight" Mother said irritably. "Hatsumomo trained her too well in that respect. Too bad she turned out to be such a poor investment."
"Having Hatsumomo as her elder sister certainly did Pumpkin no favors" Auntie remarked weakly from her bed. Mother shook her head derisively.
"It would not matter who was Pumpkin's older sister. In the end, that girl is only good for spreading her legs. The okiya's reputation cannot be tainted any longer. Pumpkin must go!" Mother's face was ugly and fearsome to behold. Pity for Pumpkin though, still moved me to try.
"But Mother, there is a war going on!" I protested. "Surely you're not just planning on throwing Pumpkin into the streets!"
"She will survive" Mother assured me coolly. "You can be sure of that!"
"If she stays, Sayuri, she will be your downfall," Auntie whispered mournfully from her bed. "I will be dead soon, but you still have to go on, for the okiya."
"Auntie is right" Mother said briskly. "Pumpkin must go. There can be no rumors when Sayuri takes the child as her own."
"But where will she go?" I asked.
In the depths of my heart, I knew that Pumpkin was a waiting time bomb. She was only angling for the chance to get at me when I was at my weakest. However, our shared girlhood made my heart twist sorrowfully at the thought of putting Pumpkin out into the streets where she would undoubtedly prostitute herself forever.
Like myself, Pumpkin had been sold into this okiya to become a geisha. Auntie was correct that having Hatsumomo as an older sister had put Pumpkin at a severe disadvantage. I rose to fame and fortune largely in part to Mameha's tireless efforts on my behalf. I surpassed Pumpkin in dance and the Shamisen, but only because of Mameha's stern tutelage.
Hatsumomo could have cared less about Pumpkin's proficiency in dance and music. Probably because Hatsumomo herself could barely string two notes together or bother to remember any dances. Yet, Hatsumomo was always graceful in her bearing. Gliding into rooms like a proud swan, Hatsumomo was gifted in capturing the attention of men with her beauty.
Unfortunately, Hatsumomo could never gift this beauty to Pumpkin. Whatever patronage Pumpkin managed to garner before the war was because she followed Hatsumomo doggedly into every engagement and teahouse that Hatsumomo attended, forever in Hatsumomo's shadow.
"To the red-light district, most likely. Pumpkin seems to frequent there, even now," Mother shrugged. "It doesn't matter, so long as she stays far away from us." I must have still looked troubled. Mother was irritated by my display of emotion.
"Honestly, Sayuri-san I don't understand why you bother to care so much about this girl. She would sooner stab you in the back!" Mother reproved me.
"She can barely read," Auntie said, closing her eyes, probably remembering the times she struggled to teach Pumpkin the simplest of characters. Mother nodded sagely.
"Pumpkin can write a little," I reminded Mother and Auntie. "Perhaps she will pay someone to write to Hatsumomo and then she will tell Hatsumomo everything that we are planning."
"It takes time, influence and money to send letters now" Mother said, taking care to stress money. "I will personally pay for her boarding for three months at some place, far away from the okiya. By that time, the child will have arrived."
"Pumpkin is dirty" Auntie rasped, her breath rattling in her lungs. "Has been since she became Hatsumomo's younger sister. This is her fate, Sayuri. Your fate is to continue the succession of the okiya. It is your duty to accept it." Auntie began to cough violently. Talking had robbed Auntie's remaining strength.
Mother reached for a teapot that held warm water and poured some into a cup for Auntie.
"All will be well" Mother soothed Auntie, holding the cup of water to Auntie's parched lips. Auntie was only able to wet her dry lips and continued coughing.
Using gentle circular motions, Mother rubbed Auntie's back, trying to help lessen Auntie's cough. Watching this scene between the two women and having participated in a conversation that could only be created in the conclave of geisha—I began to accept my fate as Auntie had said.
I was indeed the okiya's daughter and my duty was to the okiya. My conscience pricked at the thought of taking Hatsumomo's child for a price. But this was the world I existed in now.
Mother and Auntie were my acknowledged family. From the beginning, when I had told Mother about my condition there had been no mention of throwing me into the street because I was diseased, as Auntie was. Instead, Mother silently accepted my diagnosis and continued to honor the ties that bound us together as mother and daughter.
Now I was duty bound to reciprocate Mother's generosity by taking Hatsumomo's child and passing it off as my own.
I too, had been sold into the okiya as a young girl. But this child was coming as an heir and not simply a maid. Her life would be different from mine. For certain, this child would be trained as a geisha. These thoughts consoled my guilt a little. Although I could see the genius of Mameha's thinking and I was able to understand Mother's seemingly ambivalence as to the feelings of Hatsumomo regarding the loss of her child, and throwing Pumpkin out of the okiya, my heart was still uneasy.
Perhaps it was because of my early upbringing that I felt this way. I could still vaguely recall my mother's face, although time had caused it to blur in my memory. Sadly, I no longer remembered the sound of her voice, much less my father's. The memories were extremely dim now, but I was certain that I could recall my mother embracing me as I slept in her arms.
As Auntie continued to cough and Mother fussed around Auntie's futon, covering Auntie with more blankets, I vowed silently that I would be as kind to this child as long as I was permitted to live.
I further promised myself that I would try to influence Mother to do the same. Because the child was fated to became the okiya's successor, Mother would never abuse such a heavy investment, but I held little hope that Mother would be kind to the child. Training a successful geisha does not require kindness.
Coming to Gion as a child, there had been little kindness in my life. When kindness had unexpectedly appeared in the form of the Chairman by the Shirakawa stream, that kindness had caused me to be misled for many years. Waylaid by foolish dreams and paper-thin hopes, I wasted so many years on a dream that never came true.
Only Nobu-san had caused my life to blossom with the truth.
"What an attractive child!" Mother exclaimed, hovering over the basket that held Hatsumomo's child. "At least Hatsumomo could do one thing right."
Hatsumomo's child was attractive. I could already see it had inherited Hatsumomo's blood red lips. Upon closer examination, I thought I detected the Chairman's forehead. There was also a similarity to the Chairman in the child's eyes but it was too soon to tell for sure.
Auntie readily agreed with Mother that the child was indeed attractive and added dryly that it was probably the best thing Hatsumomo ever did in her life.
Apart from having attractive and regular features, the child was like any other infant. It cried when it was hungry and soiled endless rags. Mother tended to the child wordlessly and mechanically. She put it across her knees to relieve any gas and kept it carefully swaddled, but for the most part, it was left in its basket.
Auntie kept her distance and while I watched Mother tend to the child, I was cautious of getting too close. I kept track of every cough I made, always trying to cough in my sleeve. However, out of practical necessity, I planned to scrub my hands raw and wrap my mouth with a handkerchief when Mother was forced to leave the okiya.
True to her word, Mother had written to Arashino immediately and directed him to tell Hatsumomo that she would take her child into the okiya as maid. Mother had included a generous amount of money for both Arashino and Hatsumomo.
Hatsumomo never bothered to write back. Instead, within a week's time, Arashino's wife traveled to the okiya from the country side, with the child strapped to her back. Mother gave Arashino's wife more money for the trouble of bringing the child to Gion when there was no running trains.
Arashino and his wife asked no questions. They were too glad to receive the money that Mother gave them. Arashino's wife stayed only long enough to give Mother the child and to graciously accept the money that Mother offered, voicing all the proper hesitation and protests. It was the perfect amount of discretion that Mother had hoped for.
Auntie remained in the upper part of the house, stifling her cough with heavy futon covers. Pumpkin had been long gone from the okiya by then.
At my insistence, Mother had grudgingly given Pumpkin a substantial sum of money that Pumpkin would have otherwise never received and paid for three months' of Pumpkin's rent in a questionable boarding house situated far from the okiya.
Pumpkin had sneered when she took the money from Mother's hands. Although never beautiful, Pumpkin mirrored Hatsumomo exactly in that moment. It was hard to tell whose face was uglier, Mother or Pumpkin's. However, Mother stood firm when she told Pumpkin that she must leave the okiya at once because Pumpkin's activities as a prostitute were becoming known to the neighborhood.
Pumpkin retorted nastily that the entire neighborhood knew that Auntie was dying of tuberculosis and she was only too glad to escape the contaminated okiya.
Pumpkin then angrily tore through closets, taking out kimono and throwing them in bags. I could tell that Mother struggled hard not to react. A vein in her withered neck stood out as Pumpkin ransacked the okiya for things to take with her.
However, the more valuable kimono and jewelry had long been hidden in several places, far from the okiya. The remaining kimono had been used frequently by Hatsumomo.
Hatsumomo had always favored black and blinding red kimono, covered in large gold patterns, with accompanying obi in shades of stringent greens and fiery orange reds. Hatsumomo never understood subtle fashion, and Pumpkin was never taught differently. From the days of her being an apprentice geisha and while she entertained as a full-fledged geisha, Pumpkin closely followed Hatsumomo's example and consequently wore Hatsumomo's old kimono.
The colors were not flattering to Pumpkin's coloring, especially black. However, the number of the remaining black kimono was surprising.
Mameha only wore black on rare occasions. Black was not very flattering on older women, especially in bright light, Mameha had secretly explained to me once. Mameha and Hatsumomo had been contemporaries and thus were close in age. While Mameha was always dressed to look like an understated brilliant pearl, Hatsumomo dressed to surprise.
Admittedly, Hatsumomo had her dark, dazzling beauty to pull off her audacious style of dress. Pumpkin, while youthful, merely looked awkward and overly made up in her older sister's clothing.
It was no wonder that men had largely ignored Pumpkin and were endlessly fascinated by her older sister. It was another mark of Hatsumomo's cruelty that she let Pumpkin crouch in her shadow, a foil to enhance Hatsumomo's beauty. Meanwhile Pumpkin's potential and career withered.
Mameha never resorted to these tactics. Then again, Mameha did not have to. Classically beautiful, Mameha's perfect oval face was renowned in Gion and beyond. Mameha never jealously buoyed her beautiful image, like Hatsumomo did. Mameha had always pushed me forward, dressing me in colors that enhanced my best features.
Moreover, Mameha had a deeper understanding of beauty and aesthetics. Expressing her strong dislike of Hatsumomo's choice of kimono, Mameha took the time to patiently explain to me in the privacy of her apartment how important it was as a geisha to preserve the illusion of beauty. While Hatsumomo wore kimono that were certainly eye catching to a customer, it was like a repeated trick that becomes cheap with time, Mameha warned me.
Hatsumomo may be able to pull off those gaudy colors and patterns now, Mameha had told me, but even geisha are not immune to age.
Gaudy, or not, Mother was beyond furious that Pumpkin was taking things that belonged to okiya, even if they had been used by Hatsumomo and then Pumpkin. It still did not give Pumpkin the right to take ownership of anything. The okiya owned everything Pumpkin had ever worn. She had never made enough money to pay off her debts, let alone buy a kimono.
I was glad I had hidden my jewelry and Nobu-san's red comb beneath the floor boards. Knowing all too well Pumpkin's cunning nature, I had taken special care to make it appear as inconspicuous as possible. Pumpkin would need a hammer to get to it. However, the violent way Pumpkin was tearing through the okiya made me concerned. I looked to Mother for guidance.
When I was certain that Mother was mere seconds from ripping apart Pumpkin's bags to retrieve the kimono, Auntie wearily called out to Mother from her futon. They held a furtive whispered conversation. As much as I strained my ears, I could not hear what was said.
They quickly stopped whispering and it was clear that Mother was still angry but Auntie must have said something important because Mother merely folded her arms and let Pumpkin take what she wanted.
Auntie must have told Mother to let Pumpkin have her way, anything to get her out of the okiya.
Whatever Auntie told Mother, it worked. After Pumpkin angrily worked her through every closet, with her bags straining at the seams, Pumpkin left, walking in the direction of the red-light district.
There was no words of farewell, or even hurled accusations. Everything had already been said.
I was sure the neighbors were watching Pumpkin carrying her heavy bags through the street. However, it would only lend credibility to whatever story Mother planned on telling the neighbors.
Successful geisha do not leave their okiya's carrying their own bags. Everything pointed to Pumpkin's failure as a geisha.
The neighbors would likely believe that Mother had done her best and that Pumpkin had done her worst. They would probably sympathize with Mother.
Gion was a small world and everyone knew that Pumpkin was Hatsumomo's younger sister. Hatsumomo never ingratiated herself to our neighbors. Mother was right in her past warnings that another okiya would never take Hatsumomo in because of her terrible temper.
While Hatsumomo had always been popular with male customers at the height of her career, the majority of the geisha in Gion avoided her. Friends like Korin, remained friends with Hatsumomo most likely out of fear that Hatsumomo would reveal an important secret or start a malicious rumor that could ruin their career. She nearly succeeded with me by making a seemingly innocent lie to Dr. Crab.
Hatsumomo was always good at lying. She was beautiful enough to get away with it.
Now the okiya had Hatsumomo's child, who no doubt, would prove to be just as beautiful as her mother.
I hoped fervently that the child would be good natured, but really wished nothing beyond that. However, Mother was already calculating the child's education after the war. When Mother wasn't at the factory, she was glued to our radio, listening for any sign that the war was ending.
Mother didn't care if we lost or won, she simply wanted to resume the okiya's previous activities. This included planning for the child's education and training, while recruiting other geisha to bring income to the okiya. Mother had even put off giving the child a name. She wanted to consult with the fortune teller and name the child on a lucky day.
But none of this was possible with the war.
I was glad for this activity on Mother's part. It was possible for me to learn second hand information that might give me answers about Nobu. Mameha had been over the entire population of Gion, searching for new knowledge of Nobu-san. Each time, she returned with no news of Nobu-san, I felt my disappointment grow larger into desperate despair.
I had no idea of what I would say to Nobu if I ever got the chance to see him again. I only knew that I had to see him again.
Even with the child in the okiya, Mother snapped at me for being too pale and was making plans to find a specialist to examine me and Auntie. Auntie merely sighed when Mother said these things. She was resigned to dying.
During the nights when she couldn't sleep because of air raids, and Mother had taken the child with her to the bomb shelter, Auntie told me again that she wasn't afraid of dying. In fact, she was looking forward to it.
In the dark, Auntie freely confessed her hope that she would be reborn as a beautiful woman and that the young man from her youth would return her love, at last. Only war, terminal illness and being surrounded by the constant threat of bombs falling from the sky could make Auntie voice these deeply personal thoughts and long-cherished hopes.
Although Auntie had helped me try to rescue Nobu-san, and in the process revealed that she had loved someone as a young woman, it was hard for me to reconcile that Auntie had a hidden person inside her that was capable of falling in love and being vulnerable to the hardships that love brings. Even unrequited love.
"You're so fortunate to have known, love, Sayuri-san." Auntie whispered weakly. "So lucky to be beautiful and have Toshikazu love you."
Was I truly lucky? I had not thought deeply about dying, but I was resigned to my illness. Seeing Auntie's limp skeletal hand laying weakly at her side on the futon, I wasn't so sure I was either fortunate or lucky.
"Hatsumomo could never dance well" Auntie remarked one day, from usual position her futon. "Or play the shamisen." The child was awake and fussing in its basket.
Mother had celebrated Pumpkin's departure and the arrival of the child by buying tobacco from the black market.
Enjoying her pipe intensely, Mother glanced over at the child. It looked ready to cry but Mother was in no hurry to pick it up.
"Hatsumomo never had a danna" Mother complained, sucking on her pipe. "Who cares if a geisha dances well or can pluck a few notes on the shamisen? Having a rich danna is all that matters."
"Mameha can do both and she had the Baron" I said daringly. It had been a long day and Mameha had come by to tell me again that she had no information on Nobu. My mood was low and sour. My coughing had increased and the child was restless during the night.
"Bah!" Mother said, "You think too much of Mameha-san. She no longer has the Baron, anyway."
"Sayuri doesn't have Nobu, and Hatsumomo never had the Chairman," Auntie mused in a quiet whisper.
"Sayuri-san can have her pick when this war ends." Mother huffed. She was deeply offended at Nobu's absence and the end of his financial support. Nobu caused himself to be in prison, was Mother's thought. Mother could never overlook a debt.
"We don't have to wait around for Toshikazu to show his scarred face, here." Mother boasted, not bothering to remove her pipe from her mouth.
"I read in the paper that Iwamura Electric is barely hanging on. They will be ruined by the time the war ends."
Mother sucked on her pipe impatiently. It appeared she had burned through all the tobacco.
"The contract." Auntie reminded her, breathlessly. I did not bother to try to interject into their conversation. This was an old source of contention between Auntie and Mother. It had been brought up many times since Nobu had been imprisoned.
Auntie wanted Mother to stand by her promise to Nobu-san and honor the contract. Mother wanted to rip it up and forget about it. Nobu was as good as dead to Mother. I waited for the child to cry in earnest, eager for a change in conversation.
"You signed a contract with Toshikazu," Auntie rasped. Mother took her pipe and began to tap it gently into an ash tray. The ash fell delicately like black snow. The child mewled in its basket.
Mother ignored the child and began to refill her pipe. "The contract is as valuable as the paper it's written on," Mother said, irritated, no doubt thinking of the unpaid debts that Nobu failed to make good on.
"Toshikazu will likely return. Stubborn man," Auntie said. "Two men from the same company are indebted and bound to this okiya" Auntie reminded Mother. Auntie looked pointedly at the child.
Mother had packed her pipe to her satisfaction and lit a match. Smoke rose, covering her aged face. It was hard to imagine Mother being a geisha and looking attractive. Her face resembled an angry dog's. Since I was a girl, I always thought this about Mother.
"It would appear that way, I suppose," Mother humored Auntie. "Two men are indebted to this okiya." Smoking her dreadful pipe, Mother looked strangely content. It must have been the tobacco. It had been months since Mother had been able to enjoy her pipe.
"Even if Toshikazu survives and returns, their company will be insolvent." She blew out a smoke ring. "If it isn't already. Regardless, both the Chairman and Toshikazu will be useless to us."
"You promised" Auntie admonished Mother, albeit weakly.
"I did," Mother admitted, sucking contentedly on her pipe. "But Toshikazu broke his promise first."
Mother blew out another smoke ring and I coughed. The child whimpered loudly. Mother ignored us both.
"If I recall correctly, Toshikazu promised to pay for the upkeep of this child. So twice he has broken his word. Only a fool would wait to rely on him now."
My face burned with shame.
That night I coughed up blood.
I wiped my mouth with a rag. I was not lucky.
