Hi, so here is another Chicago PD story and I am so excited to bring you thins one, this one takes me to a world post Erin, to Season 5 and this is a new thing for me so I hope that you enjoy. Also this delves a little into the Al/Adam relationship that I have enjoyed so much and like the Jay/Hank relationship is often ignored.

This story takes place around the break that happened in Season 5 when Adam's duel role was discovered, I can confirm that Hank and Al are not the enemies in this story. I think we all know who the enemy in Season 5 was.

This story does deal with upsetting themes including murder, rape and child abuse and PTSD flashbacks. If this TRIGGERS YOU THEN PLEASE STOP NOW!.

Pairings are as follows, Kim/Adam, Hailey/Jay, Will/Conner (briefly) and Al/Meredith.

Just to confirm that Lexie is dead in this story as well.

Disclaimer-Nothing here but Vicky is mine.

This story is AU as well but does stretch over Season 5 and Season 5 alone.

Please Read and Review and I will update as soon as I can.

And on a side note, I like so many other Fanfiction Authors no longer receive notifications via email about reviews/PMs etc. So if you do send any it might be a while, if ever before I get back to you. Please keep that in mind for it is not intentional-If anyone has a fix please let me know.

I have also stopped taking any kind of personal messages, any questions please leave them in a review and I will get back to them in the next chapter note. This chapter should be about twenty-twenty five chapters.

AND TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER AND DISCUSSION OF RAPE. PLEASE KEEP THAT IN MIND.


The Spirit That I Have Seen

Chapter 7-Regrets Only

Jay and Adam talk. It does nothing to help Jay's paranoia. Al meanwhile calls in a very different kind of back up for Vicky.


"I need to go and see Adam"

That was Kevin and Al paused on the doorway to the hospital room. Vicky was asleep still her little face smooth (well as smooth as it could be considering she had clearly been someone's punching bag for God knows how long) and Al paused staring at her and remembering when Lexie had looked like that, all peaceful and unaware of the dangers outside her little bedroom door with the sign on asking them to please knock before coming in.

He had not gone into Lexie's room since…well…Meredith had, slept there a couple of times but he had not been able to go into Lexie's room and see Lexie's things and breath in Lexie's smell and know that Lexie wasn't going to be there to roll her eyes at him and tell him that privacy was important and did he not know how to knock.

"I need to see him too" he said quietly because he did, Adam was like his son, he had grown to love him like a son, he had gone through doors with him, consoled him (in his own way) after two failed engagements, he had been disappointed in him in a way a father was often disappointed with his son but had never stopped loving him and now when he had been found after six months of hell Jay was planting himself firmly in his way (with his brother's help too) and was refusing to explain why.

Kevin was still sat at Vicky's side and he ran a hand through his hair and…

"I can't stay here Al, I have to see him and then I have to find the bastard who hurt him and yet…"

"Yet you told her you would stay"

Kevin nodded miserably. "I see her and I see Vanessa" he said quietly. "She can't wake up alone and I can't leave her to wake up alone and yet I can't stay so—"

"You want me to ask Meredith to come down?"

He didn't know what made him think of it but he did. Meredith who had only this morning her face tired and wan with grief had told him she needed to find something to make herself useful. Meredith who too had loved Adam, who had been there in those six months making sure that his team had support, and caffeine and who had known Bob Ruzek of old and who had been disgusted by him and his attitude and his ex and his daughter and had complained that night at Molly's that quite frankly that boy could do a lot better and who had gotten a glass of white wine from Hailey in agreement.

Meredith who was a Mom despite not having a child anymore and who would body check anyone who tried to hurt this brave and precious little child.

"You think Meredith would do it?"

"Oh yeah"

"You think—"

"Kevin you've met my wife do you think anyone is coming between her and this child?"

Kevin thought about it and then winced.

"Yeah fair enough" he said but Al was already reaching for his phone.

She picked up after the third ring.

"Alvin"

"Meredith"

"I heard you found Adam?"

"How…how did you know?"

"Denny Woods just announced it to the ten o clock news"

OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

"Call Voight" he said to Kevin. "Tell him Woods just told the press we have Adam"

Kevin frowned but did as he was told.

"Fuck" he said down the phone and Meredith made a noise that might in a pre-Lexie world been a laugh.

"He okay?"

"Not really. He's…it's really bad Mer…but…does the news say anything about a kid?"

"No…Adam has a kid?"

He sighed and then told her exactly what had happened in the past four hours. Meredith was silent until the end and then she let out a low whistle.

"Bloody hell"

"Yeah…listen…Meredith I need to get back to work, Kevin does, Jay does, we…can you come and sit with this girl, she knows…right now I think she might be the only person who knows what is going on and if this bastard thinks that she is going to talk—"

"You'll have someone on the room"

"Yeah but…"

"I'm on my way"

"You sure"

"Oh yeah" his wife said and her voice was made of steel and Al had never loved her more.

"I love you, you know"

"Yeah, yeah" Meredith said and this time he could hear the smile in her voice and it made him smile back too despite the fact that he had once thought he would never smile again.

"Go find out who hurt your boy Al, I'm on my way"

He turned around to tell Kevin but Kevin was already gone.

Al sighed and sat down and looked at the sleeping girl and thought that they named streets in this city after politicians but the truth was people like Vicky deserved ticket day parades and got nothing.


He stepped into the hospital room and had to hide his wince, and his pity.

He figured the last thing that Adam needed was that on his face. Jay…Jay was honestly just glad to see that he was alive.

He wouldn't tell Adam just how deeply he had been afraid. His fear was private and was not there to burden his friends.

But Jay had been afraid.

He had been very afraid.

So when he walked into that hospital room to see Adam looking starved, hollowed out and half dead, he had to remind himself that the best thing, the only thing, that mattered was that Adam was alive and so he schooled his face into something that might have been natural and normal.

Or so he hoped.

"Hey brother" he said softly coming to stand by the bedside. "It is really good to see you"

Adam's mouth quirked in a smile or what once might have been one and then he gestured with flickering, dirty fingers and Jay who had been in enough hospital beds to know what he was after poured him the cup of water and let him drink from it greedily.

Finally when Adam had drank his full Jay put the cup to the side and dragged a chair over. Will had made sure that Adam was in a private room. Once the door was shut there was no risk of anyone overhearing them but even so Adam's tired, dark and groggy eyes tracked the door with all the intention of a cop who was looking for the threat.

Jay had been a soldier and he had been a cop. He knew the sight well.

"Hey buddy" he said again and Adam's eyelashes flickered shut. "You did real good today, we got Vicky—"

Adam's eyes shot open again and Jay saw the first bit of recognition that he'd had since this whole nightmare had began flicker and he seized upon it taking his opening and running with it without question.

"We got her Adam—"

"She okay?"

Jay didn't jump at hearing Adam's voice again for the first time in six months but it was a close thing. He clenched his fists on the chair. There was no life in that voice, no laughter, no sparkle, nothing which made Adam, Adam. Instead there was a hollowness that threatened to cripple everything and everyone around him, a hoarseness that spoke of a breathing tube and a darkness that spoke of untold horrors the likes of which Jay couldn't even being to think about.

"She's really good Adam. Kevin got to her, she took over speaking to him when you…when you couldn't…we got there just in time, they sedated her but Kevin is still watching her, he won't let her out of his sight until he is sure that it is safe to do so. I promise you that"

Adam nodded his eyes fluttering closed again.

"Jay?"

"Yeah bud?"

"I don't…I don't remember anything, I don't…I tried but before that dumpster it was all just a dark blur. I need…I need to know was she…I remember bruises but…"

"Nat is pretty confident she wasn't touched in anyway. We didn't get a full kit but Nat wouldn't call it unless she was sure with what we had. She didn't get raped Adam. Whatever happened to the two of you, that didn't happen to her, I promise you that okay." And he nodded his head as Adam, tracking him with his eyes for a second longer finally nodded and relaxed minutely against the bed covers.

He lifted one of his fingers again and Jay didn't know if the touch was invited or if he wanted something else but he took Adam's hand in his own and rubbed the back of the hand in what he hoped was a comforting manner.

Adam didn't pull away and that was the main thing.

That was the only thing that mattered right now.

But then again…there were other things to and Jay hated that he had to ask them but ask the questions he would.

"Adam?"

"Hmm?"

"You remember anything?"

"No. I just remember darkness, I remember the cold, waking up face first on the pavement. I don't remember anything else. I guess I was bleeding a lot huh"

"Yeah" Jay said. He thought about telling him what had happened to him but he didn't…he looked at Adam and he thought that he couldn't be the one to tell him that he had been raped, he couldn't look Adam in the eye and be the one to tell him that. That was a job for someone else, Will, Voight, Al anyone and everyone who was qualified to break those kinds of words. Jay didn't think it was him. He couldn't see the light leave Adam's eyes. It wasn't fair.

"Adam I gotta ask you something, I need…Will was saying that you were saying stuff as you came in. Stuff about Voight and Al and about how you were sorry and you didn't mean too"

Adam's face which had slowly been opening up shuttered down like the blinds being pulled on the window and this only solidified Jay's gut instinct which was telling him that something was very, very wrong here. He shifted forwards a bit and let his grip tighten a little on Adam's hand.

"Mate…nobody needs to know. It's me and you here. But Al is chomping at the bit to see you and Voight won't be far behind so if there is a reason that you don't want them to see you then you need to tell me so I can run interference. Adam…whatever happened I promise you I don't care, I won't judge you I won't—"

"You will hate me" Adam said flatly but Jay was already shaking his head.

"Couldn't hate you before this brother I sure as hell ain't gonna hate you know. I mean it. I wouldn't…I can't hate you Adam your family, please, please tell me why you are so scared of them please let me help you because if you don't they are going to come here—"

"I don't want to see either one of them Jay" Adam said and there was panic, sheer, panic in his eyes at the thought of being alone with either Al or Voight and that, that more than anything else tonight sent a bolt of panic through Jay the likes of which he had never felt before. It was borderline terrifying to see Adam like this, Adam who was unfailing in his ability to see past all the terrible things (and let's face it there were a lot) that Al and Voight had hidden behind their badges throughout the years.

"Okay, okay, but…Adam you gotta tell me why man"

"You'll hate me" Adam said and it came out on a small little whimper and Jay shook his head again because he didn't know what Adam had done or what had been done to him but Jay was pretty sure that Adam could confess to murder right now and Jay wouldn't hate him.

"Ain't gonna happen bro, you have my word"

Adam stared at him for a long moment and Jay willed him to believe him and tell him what was going on but no matter how much he willed it he knew that he had to wait. He knew that he had to be patient before Adam spoke again.

"Woods"

"Woods—Denny Woods?"

"My sister got arrested DUI a while back and…she had my nephew in the car, she called me in a state, I mean a right state saying that her ex was threatening to sue for custody and could I get rid of it and—"

"Oh Adam" Jay groaned. "Dude seriously, bad idea"

"I know" Adam said nodding, "I know Jay but…but she's my big sister what was I supposed to do? What would you have done if it was Will?"

Jay wanted to say that there was no way that Will would have been stupid enough to get behind the wheel of a car drunk with a six year old in the back but he didn't want to make this mess worse than it actually was so he waited patiently.

"He…he said he'd can me, arrest my sister, get my nephew sent to foster care…I know it was stupid but…but he's got power and connections Jay the likes of which you don't know and…and I believed him"

"So what did he want?"

"Voight"

And suddenly Jay could see it playing out before him. Woods had wanted Voight out of the picture. It made sense in a way, Erin had told him that the rivalry between Voight and Woods went way back, back before she had even been in the picture. Voight had humiliated Woods by having the conviction he had built his career on overturned and then he'd walked away free and clear. Jay could see it, he could see Denny Woods seeing the opportunity to take Voight down and Adam had given him an opening by making himself vulnerable.

"So you…you did?"

Adam's nodded once and then his face crumpled and he started sobbing then dry heaving little sobs that broke Jay's heart and Jay didn't know what to do. He tried to shush Adam but that felt too much like he was as little kid and he didn't want to push drugs on him either so he just held his hand as Adam cried trying to impart his support, trying to get Adam to understand that he was here and that he was not going anywhere.

Finally Adam stopped and Jay stopped rubbing his thumb on the back of his hand. If he had to blink rather rapidly when the dull eyes flickered back on him then that was between him and the heart monitor.

"Adam—"

"You can go Jay I know you hate me"

"I don't hate you Adam, Jesus, I could never hate you! Never, you think I don't understand what kind of hell you've been through? Look man…you gotta tell me what you caught Voight doing so I can be prepared okay? Just…just tell me that, and I am not gonna go anywhere okay?"

"I didn't…I caught Voight on camera with the money but I couldn't give the camera to Woods, I couldn't give the memory stick to him either"

"Okay" Jay said and then because unless he was missing something he was really, really not getting this.

"So what's the problem? You didn't give him anything so…"

"Voight and Al found out"

Oh shit.

"Okay"

"They…" Adam paused trying to from words for a second and then…

"Al wanted me to meet a CI so I went with him but it was Voight by the quarry. He was bathed in headlights and Al was there saying I had to go or he would drag me. He said I had to face the consequences of what I had done. That I had to pay the price. And then…" and then suddenly Adam was panicking again and the heart monitor was racing and Jay stood up unsure of what to do but knowing that, that wasn't good. If Adam coded Will would skin him alive.

"Shush…shush Adam please listen to me you have to listen to me, I need you to calm down, I need you to breathe okay? Listen to me I am right here I am going anywhere but they are going to throw me out if they come in you understand?"

For a second he was genuinely sure that Adam was going to stroke out but then he took one deep breathe and then another and Jay followed him trying to show him how it was done and then eventually Adam quietened.

"There you go" Jay said softly. "There you go"

Adam nodded his heart rate down his hand still a vice around Jay's wrist.

"Adam…what happened then?"

He wasn't sure if he wanted to ask, hell he wasn't sure if he should ask. He wasn't sure if he should ask Adam to carry on but he felt like he had to know. For Adam and for himself because he could see it. He could see Voight in the headlights and Al and he could see them getting their intelligence from Adam before making a decision, he could see Adam being forced to tell Voight much like Jin was. He just…he couldn't see Voight doing this. Murder…yeah sure, God knows Jay had actively believed that he had shot Jin a point blank range but this? Kidnapping? Torture? Rape? This was so out of Hank Voight's wheelhouse it was almost laughable. Hell he was more likely to promote Jay to run Intelligence, turn his badge in and work for CFD before he ever did that.

"I don't remember" Adam said his hands shaking again. "I don't remember, Jay I don't…I don't remember. I don't remember it's just black. Last thing I remember is Al and Voight and them both saying I had to pay and…Jay…" he said in a hysterical whisper.

"Jay did they do this to me?"

Jay opened his mouth to answer—what he was going to say he wasn't sure about but then the door to the room opened and Kevin stepped in.

"Bro" he said seeing Adam and Adam looked at Kevin and his face wobbled again but Kevin was already over there taking Adam's other hand in his own and brushing back some of the hair like he would do with Jordan when he was sick.

Jay thought it was a tragedy that Kevin wasn't a parent. Man was made for it.

"Kev" came the tired reply.

"Vicky is fine" Kevin said sitting down. "Al is going to call Meredith to come and sit with her, you know Meredith she's great with kids"

"She'll tell us what's what as well" Jay said and Adam bit his lip but nodded. Clearly he had decided that Al and Voight would never hurt a child. Just him apparently.

And Jay didn't know what to make of that.

"Okay" Adam said quietly like a lost little boy. "Are…has someone let my family know?"

"Platt did. They…they…well your Dad was in Florida and your Mom was on a cruise and your sister can't make in tonight cause her husband—"

"Soph got back with Jack? She hated him? And why is Dad in Florida he was walking the beat last I saw him"

"A lot can change in six months Adam"

Oh shit.

Jay had forgotten about that.

Kevin caught the panic in his face and then turned to Adam and understood.

"Six…six…six months?" Adam said softly. "I…I was gone for six months?"

"It doesn't matter" Kevin said firmly. "Adam nothing matters other than that you are back here and—"

"What…what happened to me Kev?"

"We…we don't know bro" Jay said quickly before Adam could say anything else or before Kevin could make things a hundred times worse by dropping the 'R' word in there.

"But we are going to find out. Will is going to come and speak to you about your injuries and—"

"Your not staying?"

"I…I need to find out who did this to you bro?"

"I…"

"How about Platt?" Kevin said at random. "You like Platt Adam. I'm sure that she can come and sit with you and Meredith will sit with Vicky and then we can all come and see you when you are out of the ICU"

Adam looked panicked but he wet his lips and then nodded. The door opened and that blonde nurse Monique came in her smile gentle and soft.

"Adam? I need to change your meds okay? I need the room guys if that's okay?"

"Were gonna be in the hospital for a bit" Jay said softly. "Will is gonna be your Doctor, Monique has my pager number, you need anything and we will come for you, you understand?"

"I need to see Vicky when she is awake" Adam said and some of the fire was back in his voice and Kevin smiled.

"We can do that" he said and then with another smile Jay dragged himself and Kevin out of the room.

"Shit I didn't realise you hadn't told him it was six months Jay man—"

"Kev where is the rest of the team right now sans Voight and Al?"

Kevin frowned. "Al is downstairs, Voight and Antonio went to the crime scene, Hailey last I checked was at the crime lab and Kim was with Platt—"

"Call Platt get her here now, and then call Hailey and Kim, get them here and tell them that they cannot tell Platt, Voight or Al what they are doing or where they are going"

"Jay what's going on?" Kevin asked his voice sharpening.

"Kev I will explain it when they get here just get them here now. And remember, they cannot tell Platt, Voight or Al what they are doing or where they are going"

Kevin bit his lip for a second and then nodded and Jay scrolled down his phone and rang Antonio.

"Well?"

"He's awake"

Antonio breathed a sigh down the phone.

"That's great man really great I—"

"Am I on speaker?" he asked interrupting him and Antonio paused and then when he spoke his voice was deceptively normal.

"No, I'm here with Voight but no."

"Can he overhear this call?"

"No but he's going to come over at some point."

"I need you to make an excuse, get away from him and get back to the hospital ASAP"

"Jay what's going on?"

"I will explain it to you when you arrive but don't come in through the ER doors, Hailey and Kim will be here to and I've got Kevin with me but you cannot tell Platt, Voight or Al what you are doing or where you are going, I'll be on the ICU floor in the conference room but you gotta make sure you aren't followed can you do that?"

There was a pause as Antonio took all of that in and then when he spoke his tone was measured and calm.

"Okay I can do that. Jay…what's going on?"

"I…I don't know Antonio, I really don't…but you need to get here now, you and Hailey and Kim because I got a feeling…know I know…that we have got a real fucking problem"

He didn't bother to hear Antonio's reply he hung up anyway and when he turned to see Kevin watching him he couldn't keep up the pretence.

"Hailey?"

"Kim went back to the office Hailey is swinging past to pick her up—Jay man what's going on?"

"I don't know" Jay said shaking his head and feeling that tremble up his spine that usually came before the IED went off and so he repeated his words from earlier because right now that was all that he had.

"I just…I don't know Kev. But I think…no I know…we've got a real big fucking problem"


And there you go, Jay was so fun to write in this one...so I hope that you enjoy.

Next Chapter-Intelligence, sans two members meet to discuss what is going on and what Adam said. Problem is those two members aren't stupid. Not in the slightest.