Hi, so here is another Chicago PD story and I am so excited to bring you thins one, this one takes me to a world post Erin, to Season 5 and this is a new thing for me so I hope that you enjoy. Also this delves a little into the Al/Adam relationship that I have enjoyed so much and like the Jay/Hank relationship is often ignored.

This story takes place around the break that happened in Season 5 when Adam's duel role was discovered, I can confirm that Hank and Al are not the enemies in this story. I think we all know who the enemy in Season 5 was.

This story does deal with upsetting themes including murder, rape and child abuse and PTSD flashbacks. If this TRIGGERS YOU THEN PLEASE STOP NOW!.

Pairings are as follows, Kim/Adam, Hailey/Jay, Will/Conner (briefly) and Al/Meredith.

Just to confirm that Lexie is dead in this story as well.

Disclaimer-Nothing here but Vicky is mine.

This story is AU as well but does stretch over Season 5 and Season 5 alone.

Please Read and Review and I will update as soon as I can.

And on a side note, I like so many other Fanfiction Authors no longer receive notifications via email about reviews/PMs etc. So if you do send any it might be a while, if ever before I get back to you. Please keep that in mind for it is not intentional-If anyone has a fix please let me know.

I have also stopped taking any kind of personal messages, any questions please leave them in a review and I will get back to them in the next chapter note. This chapter should be about twenty-twenty five chapters.

AND TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER AND DISCUSSION OF RAPE. PLEASE KEEP THAT IN MIND.


The Spirit That I Have Seen

Chapter 9-You Can Go Home Again

Kim and Adam come face to face, Al and Adam come face to face and Vicky and Adam come face to face. Part One of a Two Part Handler.


His head felt like it was going to explode.

It felt like little munchkins from that film the Wizard of Oz were in his head doing their little dance routine after the witch was dead. They were skipping and singing and marching and everything.

Adam would have turned over onto his side and burrowed his head under the covers but this was not the time for that and to be honest he thought moving right now would kill him, his whole body protested at even moving his neck to the side and this was most certainly not his own bed with the warm mattress and the comfy covers that sometimes he really didn't want to drag himself out of them.

He let his eyes flicker open aware that someone was looking at him and he saw Kim standing there her eyes red rimmed. Her hair was longer he thought looking at her and feeling both loopy and dreamy all at the same time. Kim was watching him and she smiled her eyes filling with tears again and he wanted to reach out and touch her but everything hurt.

"Hurts" was all he said and he wanted to kick himself because her tears spilled over again and it looked as if she had been crying for some time.

If what Kevin had said was true then it was six months.

Six months.

It seemed like a lifetime and yet it somehow seemed like yesterday. Maybe it was down to the gaps in his memory but he felt like it was yesterdays. But he looked up into Kim's face that he had thought that he was never going to see again and he thought dreamily like some kind of lovesick teenager that he had never seen anyone or anything more beautiful in his life.

She was stunning. Completely and utterly stunning in every which way. There was no other way about it Adam thought. It didn't matter that she had been crying or that she was looking at him in that sad way. She was Kim. She was beautiful.

"Adam?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I touch you?"

"Since when did you ask permission?"

He meant it as some kind of a joke, some weak ass attempt at humour but her face crumpled a little.

"You want some water?"

He nodded, drank and then when she put the glass down she linked their fingers together sitting at the side of the bed.

"Vicky is fine, they gave her something to help her sleep but she should be coming out of it soon. Were gonna bring her up to see you as soon as we can—"

"Did…was she…was she…" he didn't dare want to say it but Kim in that way that only Kim had when it was the two of them understood immediately and she shook her head.

"No" she said and there wasn't so much as a flicker of hesitation in her voice.

"No Adam. She wasn't touched or anything. We did a rape kit, it came back negative"

He sighed his whole body shuddering and he felt like he was going to cry or be sick or possibly do both. He had not wanted to let on how worried he had been that, that was a possibility.

"Kim…"

"Jay told us"

"Oh"

"Adam I don't…how could you think that we would care? Or blame you? Or hate you? After everything that we have been through how do you think that…Adam we were so scared that you were dead…you can't…" she cut herself off and shook her head closing her eyes and he saw one long tear fall out of her eye before she opened them again.

"Adam I don't…whatever Woods had on you we don't care. I know right now your head must be a mess but please…please believe us"

He closed his eyes against the swell of hope. Jay had pretty much said the same thing but he had not believed it. Kevin, Kim, Antonio, Hailey, Jay…if he could get out of this with their friendship then it better than he had even hoped for. He didn't have a choice here, he had not had a choice…

What was it that Woods had said.

I own you.

The words sent a shiver down his spine and she must have felt it because she looked at him and then with all the care of the mother that he had wanted her to be she tucked him back into bed as best she could one handed.

Adam didn't dare let go of her hand you see.

"Adam?"

"Hmm?"

"We spoke to Voight and Al…together as a team"

"Oh"

"Yeah…they…I know why you thought what you did believe me but…but he didn't…they didn't. They didn't Adam, and I am quite comfortable with sitting here until you believe me. I saw the look on both of their faces, I saw the total devastation, I've been seeing it on Al's face for the last six months, I've been watching him age with it for the last six months, watching as it slowly eats him alive. Voight…it isn't…he didn't do it either. I watched him sink his whole being into finding you. There is no way that he was behind this, no way either one of them were. I can…I can only manage what you have thought the last six months and—"

"I didn't know it was six months"

"I know" she said and her face did that strange little crumpling thing again.

"I know Adam"

" I don't…Kim…are you sure?"

If she could look him in the eye and tell him then he would believe her. It was always the same with Kim. He was hers and always had been. If she told him the truth then he would believe her. It really was that simple.

She reached out and brushed her fingers down what must be six months worth of a beard and greasy to boot and she turned his head towards her. He kept very still as she did it not sure if he wanted to bask in her gentle touch or flinch away from it.

"Adam, I am one hundred percent sure that whoever did this to you it was not Al or Voight"

And it was that simple.

Okay so it wasn't, he knew that it wasn't. But he trusted Kim and he knew that she would never lie to him. And so he nodded and he felt the knot of nerves unclench in his stomach and he took a deep breath in and let it fall out of him hands shaking again and tears burning behind his eyes.

Kim didn't look away and it occurred to him then that she was suffering with him and fuck it, if he ever got out of this shit and got back to his fighting weight (so to speak) then he was going to put a ring on her finger and make sure it stayed there even if it killed him.

Maybe he shouldn't joke about that all things considering.

"Adam?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think…Al is outside, he's been desperate to see you since we found you and I think he's very much prepared to stay here all night. Do you think you can see him?"

His initial, first response was no. He didn't know what he wanted to do but he didn't want to see Al. He didn't know what had happened to him but he still couldn't shake the feeling of distrust that was creeping up his spine and even then he definitely still couldn't shake the belief that he had let them down. Al had bene the one to pull him out of the Academy, Al had been the one who had, had his back so many times, from Wendy, to Kim to their brutal aftermaths, to the shootings, to Sierra, to everything that continually went down with his Dad. He didn't know why he had not gone to Al in the first place.

He didn't know why he hadn't done a lot of things to be honest looking back.

She saw his response though and smiled at him and he smiled back thought it felt a little bit twisted.

"I can stay here" was all she said quietly. "I don't have to go anywhere. There is…there is some stuff that we have to talk about"

Adam didn't know what that meant, he didn't know if that meant that he was getting the boot out of the Unit or not when this was over but maybe the fear showed on his face because she kept her hand in his for a second.

"Your fine Adam" she said though there was something in her tone of voice that did not convince him of that.

"You are going to be fine. Let me get him please. He's…he's desperate to see you"

"Desperate to yell at me"

"Don't be stupid Adam"

"I'm not being stupid" Adam said and she grinned at him her teeth showing in that way that Kim did when she was trying to be normal. He didn't stick his tongue out at her but it was a close thing and so she gently at his nod, got up and walked to the door. Adam tracked her the whole thing and it was the only way that he could get through it without being scared stiff of what was going to happen next.

And then Al was there in the doorway hat off, coat off looking at him as if he was the last survivor of some battle from World War One and Adam didn't know weather to look away the kicker being that his own father had never looked at him the way Al was doing.

"Lo"

"Hey kid"

Al came closer until he was sitting by his side and then he smiled.

"Hey Al"

"You doing okay?"

"Your jokes aren't funny"

Al cracked something that might have been a smile but Adam couldn't tell.

"Where's Vicky?"

"I got Meredith with her, she's fine, sleeping"

"What's gonna happen to her?"

"Don't know. She's not in any system, no DNA, nothing. So my guess is that Meredith is going to sneak her out of here in her handbag. She took one look at that girl and positioned herself in a way that all the Doctors and nurses are working around her.

Adam laughed and then wished he hadn't because he cracked his ribs again.

Fuck.

"Adam…kid…listen to me we gotta talk for a sec—"

"Where's my Dad? Mom…Soph?"

He didn't want to talk to Al about what had happened tonight but he couldn't help but feel like a dick the second that Al's face dropped. He recovered it well but Adam had worked with the man now for nearly five years. He knew him well.

"They err…we left messages but…"

"It's been six months" Adam said with a nod and a sigh. To be honest it wasn't like he had been expecting anything else. Al made a choking noise of indignation as if Adam's blasé attitude to his parents not being there was something that shouldn't be, rather than something that was but Adam ignored him.

"Al?"

"Yeah kid..."

"I fucked up"

"No" Al said quietly and his hand which had been curled into a fist on the bed came to rest on top of Adam's. Adam considered it a good sign that he didn't throw it off.

"No you didn't kid. What happened was all on me, I should have spoken to you before dragging you to see Voight, I should have done the whole thing differently and—"

"It's really been six months?"

Again he couldn't stand the fact that Al was trying to talk about Woods. He knew at some point he and Al and Voight were going to have to have that reckoning but he also knew it could not be now.

"Yeah it has"

"I miss Christmas?"

"Yeah"

"Fuck…I love Christmas"

Al smiled at him gently.

"Well you've got other Christmas's" he said quietly. "You can spend them with us if you want, Meredith and I"

Adam thought a little high on the drugs no doubt, that, that did sound nice.

"Al?"

"Hmm?"

Again he was still looking at him with love in his eyes and anyone who walked in would see them and think that they were father and son and not partner and partner and Adam hated that he loved the idea of the first option better than the second.

"Not ready to talk yet"

"That's fine" Al said gently. "You can take your time, we've got this okay? Intelligence has got this"

Adam nodded and felt his eyes drift again and then he asked a question that he was not totally sure he was going to like the answer too.

"Al?"

"Yeah son?"

Fuck that sounded nice.

"What happened to me? I know I was bleeding, I know that I was in and out and I was really cold and I hurt and…I need to know what happened to me, Vicky…I remember bits and pieces of waking up next to her and I know I was bleeding and I need to know…"

He trailed off as Al and Kim shared a look and Kim took his other hand her jaw working furiously. Adam looked between her and Al and then felt something strike fear within him. He tried to move but he couldn't and then Al was back bending over him hand in his hair and looking down at him like a Dad would their boy right before the bomb is about to drop.

"Adam…you had to have surgery, there was some intensive tearing to your small bowel and your intestine but they've fixed that."

"Was that why I was bleeding?"

"Yes and no…Adam…when you came in they checked and…" Al worked his jaw once and Adam couldn't have looked away if his life depended on it.

"Adam it looks as if you have been sexual assaulted"

The words rang in his ears empty words with an empty meaning for one long, blissful moment and then with a crash he came up for air and he forced himself to gasp and breathe.

Sexually assaulted.

"What does that mean?"

Al to his credit did not let him down.

"Adam you were raped"

Raped.

Raped.

Raped.

He had been raped.

And he didn't remember it.

And suddenly he couldn't breathe, he couldn't breathe, couldn't get air in his lungs or anything. He was drowning again and crying this time water down his face and he tried to swing his legs up, to get away to run away from the tubes and the wires and the thing making noise in the corner and he started pulling and scrambling and screaming mindlessly things that he didn't understand and then suddenly Will was there looking at him in concern, trying to reach out and touch him but it was too much, too much, too much and he wanted out, he wanted out, he wanted to run away, far, far away from this nightmare unfolding out in front of him but as he stood up his legs gave out on him and hard arms caught him around the middle and placed him back on the bed and he burrowed his face into the shoulder of the only person that right now he trusted which looking back was pretty fucking ironic when you thought about the fact that it was Al.

Al said nothing he just wrapped his arms around him and Kim was shouting something that might have been a warning that she would arrest Doctor Charles if he came near Adam with a needle but Adam didn't care, Al wrapped both his arms around him and rocked him back and forth his hands covering Adam's ears so the noise was drowning out before he was overloaded and Adam just cried until he couldn't cry anymore.

Turns out you can go home again.

He just didn't know if he wanted to.


And yeah, there you go, hope you enjoyed this chapter and I will bring you the next one sooner.

Next Chapter-Vicky sees Adam, Meredith nearly gets into a fight and a decision is made. Also Voight and Adam come face to face. Part two of this two part handler.