6/2023: I think a bit of a content warning is in order. This chapter contains: 1. comedically exaggerated violence, 2. a lot of death, and 3. attempted sexual assault treated in a comedic way (the same way as everything else in this story). I have attempted to rewrite the latter part in particular, because I admit the original version was… uncomfortable in retrospect and it was obvious my view on this topic was far from mature back then.
Anyway, in the case that comedy about horrible topics (even if it's parodying the way that fiction sometimes exploits those horrible topics) is an absolute no to you, I don't know what you're doing reading this story, honestly. There will be no further content warnings.
"I'm going to die," Rin thought.
"No! I don't want to die a virgin! I can't die before losing my virginity to Len-kun!"
Tears of horror and despair were rushing down Rin's face like the Niagara Falls, as Tei cackled maniacally.
"Now… SHINE!" (That's Japanese for "die") Tei screeched like a banshee. It felt like time slowed down when she pulled the trigger.
Blood red blood splattered on both of the girls' faces.
But it wasn't Rin's.
When the time was in slow motion, Len had suddenly appeared between Tei and Rin, and he had taken the bullet for her.
"L- Len-kun!" Rin screamed, even more tears flowing out of her tear ducts as she witnessed the horrific sight of her beloved Len-kun, lying on the ground with his eyes squeezed shut in agony and his white shirt quickly turning scarlet as a high-pressure geyser of blood shot up from his torso.
"I… killed Len-kun," gasped Tei, her eyes wide and her face drained of all color.
After a moment of devastating silence she screamed: "NOOOO! I SHALL DIE WITH YOU, LEN-KUN!"
Then Tei pointed the gun at her own temple and pulled the trigger once more. More dark red blood splattered around as the girl fell into the ground, dead. Rin stared at the traumatizing event while holding Len in her arms. Then she turned her attention back to the injured boy.
"No… No… I won't let you die, Len-kun! I can't let you die! Not before we have sex! No…" she sobbed and hugged Len's body. When her tear drops softly fell onto Len's face, he slowly opened his eyes. (So no necrophilia? Bummer.)
"R- Rin-chan…" he whispered in a weak voice.
"Len-kun! You're… alive…" Rin gasped between her not-ugly sobs. Len sat up carefully.
"You just got shot and you're bleeding a lot! Are you okay?" Rin asked, because it is customary to ask a clearly injured and bleeding person if they're okay.
"As long as you're okay… I'm okay too, Rin." said Len and smiled painfully.
"Just tell me where the damn bullet hit you so I can call an ambulance," said Rin.
"It hit me in the right shoulder… that's the safest spot to get shot in," he said. (Note: read the TV tropes page "Only a Flesh Wound")
Len took off his shirt to look at his wound, and also to look sexy for Rin. Luckily, the wound wasn't very bad, and the excessive bleeding had only been caused by the author's lack of knowledge on the human body.
"This injury will be immediately forgotten in this chapter," said a relieved Len.
"Tei died in vain," Rin sighed. "Because she thought you were dead… Even though she tried to kill me, I can't help but feel bad…"
"Don't worry about her. She was probably dead inside already," said Len.
They left the gruesomely bloody corpse lying on Rin's front yard and went into the Kagami mansion to give Len CPR first aid.
~~~Time skip to school~~~
"Hey, Rinny-Rin-Rin-Ring-a-Ding-a-Ling!" said Miku hyperactively.
"What?" said Rin tersely.
"I'm going to have a huge party for no reason tomorrow, and you're coming!"
"Okay," said Rin.
The spoiled but sweet Miku grinned happily and jumped up and down. She was a perfect and innocent little angel, even though based on fictional tropes one might expect her to be a bitch since her parents owned a huge company that ruled like a half of the world. Miku lived in a mansion that was three times bigger than the Kagamine mansion. She always got what she wanted, unlike Rin, whose life was so unfair that her rich parents would never buy anything for her. Woe is her!
~~~Time skip to dinner~~~
Rin was sitting at the dinner table with her family, eating dinner. Not breakfast or lunch, dinner.
"Mom, can you give me some money so I can buy a new outfit for Miku's party tomorrow?" Rin asked carefully.
"You have a huge closet full of perfectly nice clothes, isn't it enough?" Mrs. Kagami asked.
"I've already worn every single of them! It's embarrassing to go to a party in something people have seen you wear, according to the numerous unwritten social rules of the fickle and shallow teenage world!" Rin cried like a spoiled teenage brat.
"Shut up, Rin! Why do you have to be such an ungrateful bitch?" Lily barked.
"You're the one to talk, Lily! Mom bought you a new dress when you went to that party with your new boyfriend!" Rin pointed out.
"It is an old Kagami family tradition that the eldest daughter must be favored," said Mrs. Kagami.
"Urgh! I can't take it in this family anymore! You've both been so horrible to me after dad died!" Rin shouted and stood up, tears welling up in her eyes.
"Don't cry, Rin…" she thought. "You have so many traumas just like every protagonist ever, but don't show that you're weak, don't show that you have feelings like every normal human person ever!"
~~~FLASHBACK~~~
10-year old Rin was standing with her mom and Lily, dressed in all black. She stared at the lifeless man lying in the casket a few feet away. The road had been icy and slippery, and there was no way daddy could have avoided the crash.
Now Daddy was gone, and never coming back.
Rin's mom cried silently and dried her tears with a handkerchief. Lily just stared at the ground with her lip trembling.
"I have to stay strong," Rin thought. "Whatever happens, I will absolutely, definitely not cry!"
~~~FLASHBACK ENDS~~~
Later, Rin was sitting on her bed, looking at the wall and breaking her promise to not cry for the 1000th time in her life.
Her mom came in and sat next to her.
"I'm sorry, Rin. I didn't realize the way I acted hurt you," she apologized and hugged Rin. "Let's go shopping tomorrow before the party, I'll buy you a brand new outfit to impress your friends."
"Being poor and pitiful always gets me what I want!" Rin thought.
~~~Time skip to the party~~~
It was dark outside when Rin's mom dropped her off at the Hatsune mansion. When Rin stepped out of the car, she saw Len walking towards her.
"Rin-chan, I've been waiting for you," he said. Pretty odd, since they had not really planned anything, but oh well, it didn't kill anybody so it was fine.
Together they walked through the courtyard that was lit with teal garden lights. The mansion was very fancy, with huge pillars and a patio with a pool. Rin could hear muffled music through the door. Len rang the doorbell, and in 10 seconds flat Miku opened the door.
"Hey guys, come in! You can leave your jackets over there."
"Thanks, Miku!"
Rin took off her jacket, revealing the outfit her crying had got her. She was wearing a tight orange and yellow striped top, a black mini skirt, black and yellow striped over knee socks and yellow sneakers. Her bow was orange with black polka dots. She also had a purse that looked like an orange slice. She had orange sparkly eye shadow and orange glitter lip gloss on. Her hair was curled. Overall, she looked like a tacky bitch from the 80's.
"You look stunning," Len marveled.
Over a half of the school was there. Some of them were dancing to the loud music, some were drinking possibly (definitely) alcoholic drinks, and some were just chilling and chatting with each other.
"Rin-chan, do you mind if I go over there for a moment?" Len asked, gesturing towards his friends, Kaito and Gagapoid.
"No, go ahead! I'll go get something to drink," said Rin.
Rin walked to the dining room, where there were three large tables full of refreshments. She was eating an orange cupcake when a guy with grey hair and red eyes came over and forced himself into her personal space.
"Hi sexy, what's your name?" he asked in his deep and raspy voice. He ogled at Rin's body as if he was undressing her with his eyes.
"I'm Rin," said Rin, feeling uncomfortable. The guy looked exactly like Len, except for his grey hair and red eyes, which made him look butt ugly to Rin. The guy lit up a cigarette. Don't smoke, kids. Smoking will kill you.
"I'm Dell. Here, taste this!"
Dell offered a tall glass full of reddish-pink drink to Rin. Rin hesitated for a moment, which made Dell smile like a dog.
"Don't worry, I'm not gonna drug you," he said and cackled. He's probably going to drug you, Rin. Don't drink it.
Rin took the glass and gulped down half of it. Dammit, Rin, you're too dumb to live.
"It tastes good," said Rin and smiled. She drank the rest. Dell also drank something alcoholic. About a minute later, they had ended up together in a bedroom for some reason. The author is too lazy to set this up properly.
Dell was already very very veyr drunk.
"You're a very pretty girl, Rin, ya know that?" he said and smirked like a jerk. Then he pinned Rin against the wall and started groping her.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Rin gasped. She felt too lightheaded to fight back.
Dell brought his ugly butt of a face uncomfortably close to hers and started kissing her. He smelt like alcohol, cigarettes and farts.
"Nooo! I'm being raped!" cried Rin, who was being the damsel in distress again.
Suddenly, a bright white light started shining through the door. From the light emerged none other than Len-kun in a shining armor. He casually walked over to Dell and punched him in the face, saving Rin for the second time in the same chapter. Dell fell in slow motion and said "Oof!"
"Are you alright, Rin-chan? Let's get out of here," Len said, lifting Rin up bridal style.
"Oh, Len-kun! It was horrible! I am feeling so distressed right now!" Rin sobbed.
"Ssh, it's okay, it's over now." Len comforted her.
Len decided to take Rin home immediately…To his home, not Rin's.
~~~At Len's home~~~
Rin cried and cried.
"Hey, you're safe now, Rin! There's no need to cry anymore," Len said.
"It's just that I was reminded of a past trauma," Rin sobbed. "I almost got raped in middle school."
~~~ANOTHER FLASHBACK OF RIN'S TRAUMAS, YAY~~~
Rin was walking home from school. Sakura petals were falling slowly. She hummed happily and thought about her favorite thing in the world, oranges. Suddenly, the beautiful sakura street changed into a dark, dirty alley.
"What?" Rin wondered.
Then a filthy, ugly rapist appeared from behind a corner.
"Hello, sexy little girl. Now I will rape you," he said and lifted up Rin's extremely short skirt and pulled down her pantsu. Then he unzipped his own pants. Rin thought all hope was lost, until…
Somebody broke a sake bottle on the man's head. He fell to his knees, holding his bleeding head and groaning in pain. Rin saw a blue haired boy and the brunette girl, who possibly just gave someone brain damage.
"Meiko-neesan, Kaito-niisan…" Rin whispered.
"Are you okay, Rin-chan?" asked Meiko and helped Rin get her clothes on. (Why did she need help with that? Pervert) Kaito didn't look, because he was a gentleman.
Rin was forever traumatized by this very originally written incident.
~~~ANOTHER FLASHBACK OF RIN'S TRAUMAS ENDS, YAY~~~
"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Rin… I had no idea…" whispered Len, who apparently saw Rin's flashback somehow.
"It's okay, Len… You had no idea…" said Rin and sniffled.
"You know, I also have a very traumatic past. You see, I live together with my older brother, Leon, who is two years older than me. Our parents are not around, because… they died."
All the readers are supposed to gasp dramatically now.
"Our parents went to a concert one night when I was seven." Len told. "But they weren't back by midnight, so we got really worried. Then we got a phone call, telling that our parents had been in a car crash and died." Len did not show any emotion while telling his generic sob story.
"After my parents' funeral, I made up some very cliché mantra about being strong. And that changed my life and personality forever."
Rin and the weak-minded readers were in tears by now.
"From that day on, Leon has been taking care of me. Pretty weird considering that he was only 9 back then, but social services don't seem to exist in fiction anyway. Seriously, nobody did anything about Tei either."
"I'm so sorry for you, Len-kun… But, you know, my father has also died in a car crash." said Rin, hugging Len. "Funny, isn't it… since car crash is such a rare way to die in unoriginal fanfics."
"There's nothing fucking funny about people dying, Rin-chan," said Len.
(FACT TIME! Statistics about causes of parental death in generic fics: Car crash – 90%, Cancer – 10%)
"It must be a sign of something special that we both have a traumatic past. It must mean we are very important protagonists in this story," said Rin.
"This must be destiny," said Len.
"Yay, we are special!" They cheered and started making out.
~~~Chapter 3 ends here~~~
