Chapter Two

Questions


"Did you manage to find the right bookshelf?" Sasuke asks, putting down his book bag and begins pulling out the chair next to mine.

It's Wednesday and the day I have Business Japanese with Sasuke. It's been three weeks since the session began and since our first class together, it seems Sasuke has taken me under his wing. We've hung out more times than I can count. He's shown me around the city, its various attractions and tourist spots as well as some of his favorite places. We also went bowling last weekend which was a lot of fun.

It has also been a week since I went to Itachi's store to purchase my bookshelf. The bookshelf was delivered the very next day and my heart had forgotten how to beat when I picked up the phone and Itachi's voice informed me, he was right outside my door with the delivery. Immediately, I'd rushed to open the dorm door and when I saw Itachi in overalls with his pony loose around his shoulders, my heart had once again picked up a treacherous pace. I don't really remember whether Itachi dragged the piece of furniture all the way inside the room or diligently reassembled the whole thing but when I could finally hear something other than my heartbeat, it was his voice telling me to sign on the acknowledgment. And signed I had, with hands that shook worse than they'd ever shaken before. Itachi smiled his shopkeeper smile and was out of my door before I could offer him some water or refreshment.

Thinking about that makes me want to sigh. There is something about Itachi that evokes curiosity in me. That curiosity burns like magnesium exposed to oxygen, in my veins. I want to get to know him, to spend time with him, anything to just hear the man speak. I know where this is going. The last time I'd felt like this was when I was in high school, and my classmate Neji suddenly began to sit in front of me for the whole semester during Math. This erratic heartbeat only manifests itself when I am developing a crush. I've tried and tried to think a million times why someone with whom I'd barely exchanged two words outside the professional realm would intrigue me so much, to no avail. All I am certain of is the fact that I have developed a massive infatuation for a man I've met only twice.

Thinking about all of this again makes me sigh. Sasuke frowns at that. "Itachi did not have a bookshelf of your liking? Would you like to hit some other second hand store this weekend?" he asks.

Oh, if you only knew!

I shake my head and explain that I've purchased the bookshelf and that everything is alright, but Sasuke continues to wear a puzzled expression on his face. Because I am so lost in thoughts of my crush and the questions that bring forth, it takes me a moment to listen to what he's saying. But it isn't just something I can tell Sasuke, so I merely smile at him and turn my eyes upfront when our professor chooses that moment to enter the classroom and greet the students.


I've spent a good week just lost in questions. In addition to my surmounting feelings towards a man I've briefly met twice, there is also the struggle of living in Japan with poor language skills. Trying to run when you can barely walk looks super cool in movies. There is inspirational background music, and it echoes in your soul, pumping you full of energy and vigor. Real life, on the other hand, is another ball game altogether. Luckily, people see my blond hair and blue eyes and cut me some slack. But I'm struggling at a pathetic level.

To overcome this issue, I decide to read the manga I've borrowed from Itachi and give it a go. The fact that I've both read the manga in English as well as watched the anime should prove useful. So, one afternoon, when I don't have classes, I pull out the desk chair in my room and decide to delve into it. It's raining cats and dogs outside and it begins reflecting my mood as I'm lost in the bazillion kanji characters and their readings. Even though I love this series so much, I'm beginning to realize that using it to study was indeed a very, very bad move. I push back my chair in frustration and run my hands agitatedly through my hair, pulling at it. I take one look at the manga still opened in woeful expectation in front of me, before slamming it shut. Picking up my keys, pack of cigarettes and lighter, I make my way to the smoking area, banging the door to my room behind me.

The smoking area is deserted for a change, so I make my way to my favorite corner and light a smoke. I take out my phone and go through my notifications, replying quickly to my friends back home. There is a message on Line from Sasuke and I tap on it with a frown on my face. More kanji…

"What's up?" Sasuke's written in Japanese, followed by a cutesy emoticon of a bear asking the same thing.

It makes me smile. I type back, "Struggling with Japanese," I reply sardonically and, follow it with a bear with question marks above his head, looking sad and desolate.

I'm in the process of locking my phone and pocketing it when it pings again. Glancing at the locked screen, I see Sasuke's name, so I tap on the notification and check what he's sent me.

"Anything I can do to help?" The emoji this time is also of a bear trying to look helpful.

"What can you do?" I type but since it sounds a little rude, I press backspace and instead look for an emoji that can express my feelings. Finally, when I find a bear doing the dogeza, I press the send button immediately.

We text a little more and decide to meet at the cafeteria at six. I finish my cigarette and stub it out before pocketing my phone and making my way to my room.


Despite knowing about the Japanese' penchant for punctuality, I arrive at the cafeteria at five past six. The rain has mercifully let up. After parking my bike hurriedly at its designated parking space, I jog towards the cafeteria only to find it closed with Sasuke standing in front of it, backpack slung casually over a shoulder as he mindlessly drags his right foot across the floor. He looks nice in a red sports jacket casually draped over a simple black t-shirt and black jeans. His sneakers are also red. He straightens immediately when he spots me and waves at me.

"The cafeteria is closed!" I say by way of stating the obvious.

Sasuke pushes his backpack higher on his shoulder. "Wanna go somewhere else?" he asks.

I shrug. "I mean if it's okay with you?" I say, leaving the ball in his court.

When he nods, I nod as well and together we start making our way to the parking lot all the while discussing our possible study venues. I'm in the middle of suggesting we go to a family restaurant near the university when Sasuke suddenly exclaims. "Let's go to Itachi's!" he says as we reach our respective bikes and begin unlocking it. I drop my keys at that. The familiar erratic beating of my heart begins. I turn on my phone's flashlight to search for my dropped keys and I use this time to get my bearings again.

Part of me is super excited at the prospect of seeing him again while the other part of me is slowly freezing up in anticipation. Finally, by the time I pick up my keys and unlock my bike, Sasuke has brought his bike beside me and is patiently waiting. I grin at him and once I'm ready, we set off to Itachi's store. My hands shake slightly, and every nerve ending is taut and strained in anticipation. Sasuke is regaling me with some information about some upcoming fireworks show, but I can't bring myself to focus. I listen to him with half ear, channeling all my energy into riding my bike as calmly as possible. Sasuke suddenly tells me to make a left as he deftly steers his bike in that direction. I hastily bring my mind back from all my distorted thoughts to follow his lead. It takes us only ten minutes from there to get to our destination but as I find myself nearing the store, my heart starts beating faster and faster.

My hands are shaking so intensely that I need to hide them in the pockets of my jacket when we step inside the shop. Seeing Itachi after almost two weeks makes me feel like I've found water in the middle of a desert. Itachi's lips which were lifted in his shopkeeper smile, widen into a genuine one when his eyes land on us. Sasuke lifts a shoulder and mutters a low greeting while I pull out my still shaking hands from my pockets and bow muttering the evening's greeting under my breath. Itachi's eyes go back to his brother's, and I see a raised eyebrow, undoubtedly questioning our presence here.

Sasuke comes forward and leans against the counter. "We came here to study as the cafeteria was closed. You remember, Naruto-kun?" Sasuke doesn't wait for a reply and Itachi just nods at me and returns to his work, turning his back to us.

Jealousy blooms inside me, raging like a wildfire at the privilege Sasuke gets to enjoy with this man.

We make our way to one of the sofas and I immediately open my bag to pull out my books. I steal a look at Itachi who's now fiddling with some receipts and my heart twists inside my chest when he furrows his brows. Sasuke says something and with all the reluctance of a petulant child, I shift my focus on him, responding to his questions and nodding and using body language when required.

An hour into the study session, I'm calm and now completely focused on what Sasuke's saying. Though Sasuke is trying his best to explain stuff to me, I just can't understand it. It's become so bad that I'm even more confused now. He's trying to explain an advanced sentence pattern to me when a shadow falls on the table. I've been so focused on Sasuke's explanation that I gasp audibly when I see Itachi's face distractingly close to mine as I look up. Itachi ducks his head back and smiles awkwardly at my lost expression, I think.

"Would you like some coffee, Naruto-kun?" he asks, and everything falls apart as my heart leaps again.

"Ye…Yes," I stammer pathetically, my cheeks and ears aflame as his deep voice takes my name.

I want this man! My brain has taken to chant this sentence like a bloody slogan as my blood pumps wildly close to the surface at his presence. Itachi turns towards his brother, and I take this opportunity to drink in his profile. His nose is delicate, and his eyelashes cast a shadow over his cheeks each time he blinks. He has sharper lines under his eyes, near the length of his nose, which I think add depth to his face. I want to trace every line of that beautiful face with my fingers, with my lips. I bite my lips and clench my hands into fists at the unexpected desires that spring forth when I see this man.

Sasuke says something to Itachi who suddenly lets out a low chuckle. That chuckle goes straight to a place that's already quite aware of this man's presence and tests my patience to its limit. I want to excuse myself and run to the washroom, but my predicament is obvious so all I can do is just politely smile at their rapid-fire banter. Itachi leaves after a moment and Sasuke takes that as his cue to pick up his mechanical pencil and resume the lesson. But unlike one hour ago, try as I might, my concentration is out of the window as my thoughts keep swirling around the one man I want. To add to my dilemma, I'm so hard, it's beginning to hurt.

Sasuke must have asked something because he frowns as he looks up at me. "Is something wrong, Naruto?" he asks suddenly as I blink my way to focus on my friend. I nod but it is half-hearted.

"Learning Japanese is difficult, right?" Thankfully Sasuke blames it on fatigue at having to cram so many Japanese words in one sitting and I make a half-hearted attempt at a laugh. We decide to take a five-minute break and I immediately take this opportunity to stand up and correct my clothes before moving to the piles of manga, hoping they'll distract me from the issue at hand.

I pick up this ancient looking copy of what I think is Fist of the North Star and start flipping through it. "Do you like boxing manga?" Sasuke asks, as he comes to stand beside me and gazes at the manga in my hand.

I nod and glance down at the manga. Once again, the kanji characters start to blur and look like tiny ants on the page. I close it with a snap and return it to its previous position on the shelf. I feel guilty for all this time Sasuke has patiently put in trying to educate me. I feel stupid for not being able to understand anything. I must tell him before I make him waste more time.

"Uh Sasuke," I start, biting my lip, trying to frame the sentence in a way that won't feel rude or offensive. "Thank you for spending your precious time in trying to teach me, but…" I trail off. I don't know how to put it in any way that won't me sound like I'm insanely dimwitted.

"You didn't understand anything, did you?" Sasuke asks, raising an eyebrow at me. I think he's pissed and immediately I begin to think of ways to placate him.

"No! I understood the various uses of the sentence patterns that we discussed, but…" I take a deep breath and try again. "There are many things I still didn't understand," I finish meekly.

Sasuke surprises me by tapping me lightly on the shoulder. "It's okay. Once you regularly start using them in your everyday language, I think you'll be alright." His tone is light and airy, and he doesn't show any evidence of feeling hurt by what I said.

I don't feel relieved or reassured at that. On the contrary, I've become even more skeptical about using Japanese concepts that I'm even more unsure about. But I don't know how to voice that without sounding like an asshole, so I nod quietly and return my attention to the shelf in front of me.

There is a sound somewhere inside the store and immediately I'm brought to the sudden realization of Itachi's presence once again. The curiosity I feel for that man resurfaces like a tsunami inside me. "Do you live together?" it pops out of my mouth before I can analyze it. I immediately look at Sasuke to judge his expression, but Sasuke has turned his attention to perusing the collection of books before us, so he's probably not seen the guilty look in my eyes. I relax a little.

"Hm, Itachi and I?" Sasuke asks, picking up a copy of some comic, the kanji characters of which I can't read and starts flipping through it, distractedly. He nods. "Yeah, we live together." He answers me at last.

The thought of them living together makes me smile. Being the only child, I've always wanted a younger sibling to dote over. Judging from the way they were talking to each other before I can tell the two are very close.

I want to press on belatedly realizing that Sasuke can be the key to satiating this hunger to know about that mysterious man.

"So, it's just you two then?" I ask, sounding like a nosy grandma.

Sasuke frowns as he looks at me. I've aroused suspicion by being so intrusive, so I offer him my best foreigner smile to throw him off. His lips stretch in a small smile and it's enough to settle my nerves. "Yeah, us and Itachi's -" Itachi chooses that moment to walk in with two cans of coffee for us.

Itachi's who?

Far from being satisfied, my brain is about to explode with the questions rising every second. The nouns to accompany "Itachi's" are so many that they make my hands shake as I accept the coffee can from Itachi. Itachi's dog? Itachi's cat? Girlfriend? Lover? Wife? Itachi's who?

Sasuke is murmuring something to his elder brother who nods occasionally and at one instance, lifts his delicate looking left hand to push back his hair. At once my eyes dart to his left hand to ascertain my worst fears. I cannot help but let out a whoosh of relief when no gold or silver glints back at me. I open my canned coffee and turn my attention back to the bookshelf. I only pretend to look at the various titles, my mind too preoccupied by the incomplete information I've had the misfortune of coming across.

"Naruto, if you haven't eaten, would you like to get dinner with us?" Sasuke asks.

I turn my attention to them and they're both regarding me with polite interest. I can't help it when my gaze lingers on Itachi's, and his lips stretch into that polite smile again. The prospect of getting to spend more time with Itachi is once again working its way to increase the tempo of my heart. At this rate, I feel like I might have to see a doctor soon.

I shrug and say, "Sure," trying not to sound as enthusiastic as I feel. We have a brief chat regarding the restaurant and the cuisine and finally we settle on getting Japanese food in a restaurant nearby which Sasuke claims sells the best tempura in town. Ten minutes later, Itachi is working on locking the glass doors of his store while we both busy ourselves with unlocking our bikes. Since the restaurant is at a walking distance, Itachi walks there while we drag our bikes behind him. We walk in silence for a couple of minutes, Itachi keeping to the right and Sasuke to his left. I trail my bike next to Sasuke, wishing more than anything to trade places with him.

Surprisingly, it is Itachi who breaks the silence. We've walked quite a distance from Itachi's store when he asks me if I've already explored this part of the town. The night air is not that chilly, but Itachi's words directed at me cause goosebumps to rise on my arms. I love little moments like these and yet when I turn my head to glance at him, I meet Sasuke's eyes instead. It just builds this frustration deeper inside me. Itachi has asked me a question and that expectant look on his face awaits an answer. I cast a perfunctory look around me and despite having ridden my bike here several times, I shake my head in denial. I know instinctively that that is the right answer to give.

Itachi and Sasuke both exchange a look and smile at me. Sasuke breaks into a tour guide version of the area, throwing in some historical tidbits along with some childhood trivia. I listen to the conversation, giving in my "oohs" and "aahs" when required but I discard most of the information. Instead, I focus all my energies into listening to tales of their childhood. By the time we reach the restaurant, there is a lot I've gathered about Itachi. Most of it is minimal, irrelevant details like the fact that Itachi has worn glasses since elementary school. But there are other important details that my brain has saved for life. There is the fact that Sasuke and Itachi share more than a five-year gap between them. That Itachi loves green tea and traditional Japanese sweets as compared to Western confectionary, the fact that Itachi is allergic to pollen and spring season is hell for him. Most importantly, the fact that the owner of the restaurant that we're going to is not just Itachi's classmate all through school but also a very close friend.

Upon entering the restaurant, we are immediately shown to a table by a pretty girl who blushes when she sees Sasuke and gives him a small wave which he returns with a nod. Itachi and I exchange a look at that, both smirking at Sasuke who merely shakes his head and rolls his eyes. We take our seats. Sasuke chooses a seat next to me while Itachi sits opposite to me. After mutually exchanging looks and smirks, my heart has once again started misbehaving in my chest and the fact that Itachi's foot accidentally brushed mine when we sat down to eat has only worsened my condition. I'm so lovesick, I'm surprised they both haven't caught on yet. I feel like I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve to the point that even a blind man could tell what I'm feeling.

The pretty girl whose name tag says "Sakura" brings us the menus and tucks a lock of her bubblegum pink dyed hair behind her ear. She rattles off her standard speech of calling her when we've decided what we want to order by pressing the bell placed on the table, but her eyes are fixed on Sasuke's head with an intensity as if willing it on fire. Sasuke does not even glance up at her. But I smile at her and nod, politely thanking her. Itachi looks at me at that, a small smile playing around his lips.

Once Sakura is out of earshot, I turn to Sasuke and nudge him playfully. "Who is she?" I ask. I expect him to blush or smile or look peevish even, but he just rolls his eyes in annoyance.

"She was my classmate in school," is all Sasuke says.

I exchange another look with Itachi, and we both smile before glancing back at Sasuke. "And…?" I press on wanting to know more, knowing that there's some history.

"And…she likes my foolish little brother," Itachi says, his tone warm.

I nod at that. Looking at her face once says it all. "And you Sasuke, what about you?" I ask, I'm so nosy it hurts but I can't help it. The joy of being on the same team with Itachi to gang up on a friend is exhilarating. It's like being on top of the Ferris Wheel. The high is unstoppable. Itachi accidentally kicks me under the table again, and I feel the tips of my ears warming. What this man is unconsciously doing to me is driving me crazy.

Sasuke shrugs but does not say a word. "Tell us, tells us," Itachi goads some more, chuckling with genuine humor. I'm so happy I want to stay like this forever.

Sasuke closes the menu with a snap and places it roughly on the table. "She confessed to me last year, okay? But I said no. I'm not interested." He speaks with a finality that brooks no arguments. Itachi and I glance at each other once again, but the moment is gone. Itachi's face has lost all trace of humor it held not even three seconds ago. I guess he knows better when things irk Sasuke.

We go back to browsing through our dinner choices in silence for a second till I conversationally ask what I should get. Immediately Sasuke begins pointing to different things on the menu which sound good, and suit my tastebuds, and I am glad to be able to restore normalcy to the table. Itachi, too, offers his opinion on a couple of dishes and I am only too happy to press the bell to summon Sakura who takes our order with her determined eyes still fixed on Sasuke who starts avoiding eye contact with everyone like it is the bloody plague.

Our draft beer arrives first. We cheer with great gusto, clinking our mugs together before taking several gulps of the drink and sighing in bliss. "Nothing beats a glass of beer after a hard day," Itachi muses enthusiastically as he places his glass back on the table. Sasuke nods fervently at that and turns to me. I nod back with equal ardor as I pop an edamame into my mouth.

Sasuke picks up his chopsticks and scoops some ikaten and shoves it in his mouth. Itachi merely gulps down his drink as if he were dying of thirst. Under the table, his foot shifts till it's right beside mine. I vow to myself to not move my foot even a millimeter away even if it kills me. Sasuke turns to me and asks me some questions so stereotypical about my country that it makes me want to cackle with laughter. But I've decided to be on my best behavior in front of Itachi and I will. I answer all his questions as honestly as I can. When he learns the truth of several things which are misunderstood universally, he colors slightly and ducks his head a couple of times probably berating himself for being so stupid. As for Itachi, he just listens quietly, his head tilted towards me as if absorbing all my words.

How can I not fall for you?

Sasuke chugs the rest of his beer in one go and hollers for a refill. He suddenly turns his attention to Itachi and asks, "Where's Kiyo staying tonight?"

Kiyo?

Itachi rubs his left eye absently. "With his grandparents." Sasuke nods at that and this seemingly marks the end of the conversation for the two of them. For me, however, it opens another arena of questions that buzz in my head like bees.

I've tried not to pay attention to their private conversation but it's impossible with both the occasion and the proximity between us. But it's not my place to pry so I curb my inquisitiveness and take a hearty sip of my beer.

Thankfully, Sakura appears not a moment too soon to serve us the dinner. They both recommended the traditional dinner set so Sakura demurely places a bowl of rice and miso soup in front of each of us before neatly arranging the tempura, fried chicken, roasted fish, and other side dishes along the length of the table. Sasuke picks up his chopsticks and picks up a piece of chicken before biting into it. We make some more small talk, but this time Sasuke mercifully refrains from embarrassing himself by asking me more cliched stuff. I choose to regale them instead with some tales about my university, the curriculum and style of teaching. Most of my speech is in Japanese on principle. I choose to substitute Japanese with English only at places where I'm unsure about the verb or noun. They are both an attentive audience for the most part. Nodding and grunting at appropriate places, taking deep interest in the conversation, asking questions as and when required and I'm beginning to enjoy this conversation immensely.

I'm in the middle of telling these two about some incident that took place in the university when a hand falls on Itachi's shoulder. So lost was he in my tale that he starts visibly and his foot knocks into mine. We all look up to see a dark-haired, tall and handsome man look down at Itachi. Itachi stands up and makes my heart lurch in my chest when he smiles beatifically at the man as they hug. "Shisui! How are you?" he asks, his voice warm and personal.

Regardless of who he is, I hate him already.

I take a sip of my beer to find it tepid and now I'm just bitter about everything. I watch dispassionately as Shisui places an arm around Itachi. "I'm good. You? How are your parents?" he asks in silky smooth familiar jest.

They're close. Too close.

Itachi merely nods and says they're doing well, before returning the courtesy and asking the handsome man, Shisui about his father. Sasuke stands up as well to shake hands with him, but unlike his elder brother who's turned to look at Shisui as if he were a sunflower looking at the bloody sun, Sasuke gestures towards me and introduces me.

"Shisui, meet Uzumaki Naruto. He's here for a one-year exchange program. Naruto, this is Shisui, Itachi's friend and the owner of this place." Much to my chagrin, I stand and am about to bow at Shisui who merely offers his hand for a handshake.

Fucking asshole.

Beside him, Itachi is grinning like a child as he watches the exchange. It makes me clasp Shisui's hand just a shade harder than I intended. Hey, I can't be blamed for this maelstrom of emotions in my chest when I see Itachi interact that intimately with this asshat. Shisui asks me a couple of questions which Sasuke chooses to answer in my stead. He does so in a tone so full of pride, you'd think I was Sasuke's real brother or his prized steed. Once the seemingly obligatory introductions are done, Sasuke and I return to our seats. Itachi, however, continues to chat away with the man in a low tone and after what seems like a lifetime, that man finally leaves and Itachi takes his seat again.

I release the breath I didn't realize I was holding till then. I want to know just who he was to Itachi that he'd let him place a hand on his shoulder like that. Just why he was so unguarded and open with that man?

"Kiyo would have loved to be here," Itachi says with a touch of wistfulness that makes my head jerk upwards in his direction.

My insides are now twisted into a spiral. I'm only holding on to my glass of beer as a lifeline between rationality and curiosity. Again, with this Kiyo! Just who could be that made Itachi smile like that! The fire that rises inside me, fills me to the point that I think I'll snap.

I must be making a weird face because Itachi's brows furrow when he looks at me, "Naruto-kun," he speaks worriedly, "are you alright?"

No.

I manage a smile and shake my head telling him I'm alright. Sasuke's presence does not even register to me. It's like my vision is tunneled on Itachi and Itachi alone. I gather myself when Sasuke shifts beside me, alerting me of his presence. I turn to him and smile. "It's probably the beer," I say, smiling sheepishly. Sasuke nods absently and sits straighter. Both brothers share a look I don't miss. We resume finishing our meal in silence.

I turn to Sasuke and as nonchalantly as I can, "Say Sasuke, who's Kiyo?" I ask. I'm sure my face is as red as a tomato, but I can just blame everything on the alcohol. Besides, unless it's too personal, they won't bother hiding it.

Sasuke, disturbingly, shares another look with his brother before turning his attention to me. "He's just someone infinitesimally important to both of us." He smiles and I know it's all the answer I'm going to get.

His attempt at being cryptic only drives me closer to insanity. I realize it's better to get out of here now before I say something regrettable or worse kiss Itachi. I cast an exaggerated look at my watch once we finish our dinner and are working on finishing the last of our beers. "Oh no! I promised one of my friends we'd FaceTime today!" I say, standing a little too quickly. Both brothers give me a puzzled look. It takes me a second to realize I spoke in English. I clear my throat and repeat the sentence in Japanese. Immediately both brothers stand and begin gathering their things. I walk as patiently and naturally as I can while adrenaline sets off a time bomb in my veins. I've never felt like this before, so taut and strung. At the payment counter, Itachi pulls out his wallet and insists he pay but it sets off an argument, so ultimately, we decide to split the bill.

After we make the payments, I sprint like I'm in a race after hastily saying good night to the two of them. I unlock my bike so fast, I'm sure I've set a personal best, but I'm too tense to notice. I set off like a dart into the cool night air to calm down. I ride my bike to the intersection that comes just after the turn for my dorm. It's a little far from the dorms. When the pedestrian light turns green, I pedal my bike again in the darkness till I reach the landmark which is almost at the edge of the town. I turn past it, back to the city. A minute later, I stop at a convenience store and purchase a pack of cigarettes. Going to the smoking area next to me, I light it quickly and take a deep puff, exhaling through my nostrils like an angry bull. I'm aware of every nerve ending standing at attention inside me. My left foot twitches continuously, my only outlet for this rush.

I finish my cigarette and get on my bike again to resume my journey to the dorm. Once inside, I strip off my clothes down to my underwear and fall face first to the bed without washing or brushing. Part of me wants to give up on it, to fuck it all and just ask but the bigger part of me wants the opposite and it is making me insane. My phone beeps and I cry out in frustration as I try to locate it. I unlock the screen and it's a message from Sasuke:

"Is everything alright?" It's followed by an emoji of a bear peeking from behind a door.

On other days, it would have made me smile, but today I cluck my tongue in annoyance as I throw my phone down on the bed and turn my head the other side.

Three deep breaths later, my hand begins reaching for the phone.


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