[chapter 18 - part 1 of 3 ]
*don't know how long this chapter will turn out to be
enjoy!
C.T. :D
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- Year 853 - The Harbour - Paradise Island
The small boy walked joyously around the street market. He was mesmerised by everything in his sight. Azzy heard a lovely noise and he went looking for its origin, the toddler quickly found it: a giant cage full of very colourful birds. His blue eyes shone brighter as he saw the tiny creatures. Azzy approached, coming closer with a large smile. The boy was very clever for his age, and even a little musical, he liked to hum, just like his mother had taught him.
He hummed with the lovely birds, but he soon realised their singing wasn't happy. The boy looked to the skies and noticed how all those birds were yearning to be there. Azzy could tell they wanted out of that cage, so the toddler swiftly pulled the latch and swung the cage door right open. He stepped to the side and laughed, passing his hands through the countless flying birds; there were birds of all colours, shapes and sizes, it was a beautiful scenery and the boy laughed joyously as he watched them all swiftly fly away.
"I-I am so sorry, sir," the father thoroughly apologised to the man on the stand. "I am truly sorry," he insisted.
Armin couldn't believe it. He had turned for a second and the toddler had already caused some level of mayhem. The father sighed while opening up his wallet to appease the merchant. "How much for all those birds?" Armin asked and the man looked at him sternly, with arms crossed. The father was extremely embarrassed.
Azzy ran towards the open fields, he followed all the birds with his eyes, still mesmerised. The boy watched the skies, admiring the little creatures. His heart filled with joy while hearing the small birds' song. They were signing happily now. Flying high up in the sky.
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The Tree
Part Two: The Past
Chapter Eighteen: "A Z"
"How many fingers am I holding up?" Sasha asked Azzy, while hiding her hand behind her back.
"Three," the toddler replied with a large smile.
"Oh! He's good! And now?" She asked again. Azzy tilted his head.
"Two," the boy got it right again.
Sasha was in awe. "Can he read minds too?" she cogitated, analysing the small boy from head to toe, she squinted slightly while crouching with her hands on her knees.
"Sasha, mirror." Jean pointed out, unimpressed, he crossed his arms.
"What?" She asked, raising herself up and looking back confused.
"He is looking at the reflection, we can all see your hand from the shop window," Jean pointed at it again.
Sasha turned herself and looked to the shop window of the store they had just walked out of. "Oh, right, that makes sense," she became a little embarrassed.
"Still, I'm impressed he can count! He is not even two yet." Connie added.
"How old were you when you started counting? Five?" Jean joked.
"Haha," Connie replied ironically and slightly punched Jean's shoulder.
"Just one more," Sasha whispered while feeding the boy and then reaching to hold him up in her arms.
"Mikasa's not gonna like you giving him candy again," Connie pointed out.
"Well, she's not going to know," Sasha justified. "Will you tell her?" She asked the toddler with a funny voice. "Will you tell mummy?"
The boy moved his head negatively and hugged Sasha close, she hugged him tight. "Okay, just one more," she gave the child another tiny candy.
"Sasha," Jean admonished her with arms crossed.
"What?" she complained, while munching on some candies herself.
"He barely got teeth and you're already ruining them," Jean proceeded with his admonishment, and Connie nodded, taking his side.
"You two are no fun," she complained and started to walk away with the small boy in her arms.
The Lighthouse
It was a slow day and the group of friends had decided to spend some time together in the lighthouse. They first finished their duties at the harbour as usual, to then head to the secluded spot. It was customary for them to spend time together in that beautiful fortress.
"Why would you invite him?" Sasha asked her friend, pulling her aside. She seemed a little embarrassed.
"Because I like him and I'm nice enough," Mikasa justified in a small tone. "And he also cooks very well," she reminded her friend with a smile.
They were all around a small picnic setup outside of the house. Niccolo, the Marlean cook, had taken over the fire and was explaining to the boys all kinds of curiosities about how meats and cheeses could be grilled.
Mikasa kept the smile.
"Don't push it," Sasha whispered.
"I'm not pushing anything," Mikasa whispered back. "I honestly just think he's really nice and he's really putting a lot of effort to blend in since he arrived on the island."
Mikasa looked up into the bright skies, it was a lovely afternoon, although slightly cold. The two friends were sitting close together on the sand, a little closer to the bonfires. Closer to the bonfire only for heating, further from the fire for cooking, to where they were looking towards and whispering about. The mother was also watching her toddler like a hawk, to make sure he wouldn't get burned as he ran around the sand, playing with the adults around him.
"And I'm not saying he likes you, of course," Mikasa continued.
"What do you mean?" Sasha asked with some confusion.
"Unless you want me to say that," Mikasa questioned, drinking a little more of her hot chocolate.
"I-I don't know," Sasha stuttered. "I mean I don't know yet. We don't know him that well," she started to show her point.
"We know he cooks well," Mikasa pointed out. "I know that's at the very top of your list," she commented, slightly jokingly. It can be difficult to catch the Ackermanns' dry humour.
"It's not at the very very top," Sasha rebuked and tilted her head, thinking. "I mean it is kind of important but it's not all that matters, I am not that shallow," she defended herself.
"I know, I'm messing with you," Mikasa replied, going for another sip.
"Yes I can tell that," Sasha complained with a smile and stole her mug swiftly, she drank the rest of Mikasa's hot chocolate.
"He's mature and a good influence on the boys, at least that's my view," Mikasa explained more seriously. "These four act like children when they are together, sometimes it's too much," she complained slightly. "I wonder when they'll grow up for good."
"I don't think any level of influence will help with that," Sasha argued. "They've been around the Captain for years."
"That's different, Levi is old," Mikasa pointed out.
"And not here," Sasha noted.
"He comes in and out of this house," Mikasa explained. "But I don't have to invite him every time we all get together. Again, he's old, he doesn't like being around us, if you never noticed-"
"Yeah, that makes sense, we're probably very annoying to him," Sasha considered.
"And I don't have to spend all my free time with him just because we're family," Mikasa became a little more defensive. "Still, terrific babysitter," she added a small praise to her cousin with a smile and eyebrows raised.
"Better than me?" Sasha asked, jokingly.
"Never," Mikasa swiftly replied, giving Sasha a friendly shoulder to shoulder bump as the two friends smiled at each other.
"Spin! Spin!" the small boy shouted with joy.
Jean crossed his arms. "It's your turn to spin him," he told Connie. "I just ate and don't want to get dizzy," Jean justified.
"Alright," Connie agreed and turned to the toddler. "Let's spin!" He said with cheer, holding Azzy's small hands.
"What is 'spin'?" Mikasa shouted from the distance, with some alarm.
"It's fine," Eren raised his hand nonchalantly at the mother.
"They're just going to swirl around, it's harmless," Armin explained, slightly nervous. Mikasa accepted the explanation and went back to her conversation with Sasha.
"The name is self-explanatory really," Eren whispered to Armin with an ironic chuckle and he tilted his head in confirmation.
"Spin!" Eren shouted to them child-like and with a cheer in the air. The boy smiled widely and Connie understood it as a go: they started to spin around to the point the boy's feet left the ground and he felt like he was flying.
It was a fun ride, Azzy felt dizzy but he also felt super excited. They had already stopped and Connie was already engaging in conversation with the others, still holding on to one of the small boy's hands. When Azzy's eyes started to slowly glow a bright blue light.
"Ah, Connie-" Jean was about to say. Eren and Armin had noticed as well.
Connie looked down. "What-" he was about to ask in confusion once Azzy looked up at him with a wide smile and pure fiery bright eyes.
'Connie, let go of him,' Eren thought but he didn't have time to say. Neither of them did. The two disappeared, holding hands, it was the first time ever Azzy took someone with him in a Jump. It had never happened before, no one even knew he could do that.
Eren swiftly took Niccolo to the side and started to ask him random questions, making sure to get his full attention and it worked, he didn't even notice what had happened. While all the others just looked at each other, not knowing what to do. The moment was tense but it only lasted a few seconds. The boy eventually brought his passenger back.
They reappeared again in a flash of blue light, slightly further to where they were but still in the vicinity of the bonfire picnic. Connie immediately dropped to the ground and started to throw up in the sand. He looked sweaty, nervous and miserable.
Azzy was laughing joyously next to him. "This is not funny," Armin admonished him severely as he walked closer to the boy with arms crossed. Azzy continued to laugh, he thought it was hilarious.
"You spun too hard, did ya?" Niccolo finally asked from the distance as he noticed Connie throwing up.
"Or maybe was your grilled cheese," Jean joked with a fake laugh. And the marlean laughed a little as well, he went back to concentrating on the food. Eren walked over after Armin and the friends huddled around Connie.
"Do you want some water or something?" Jean asked with concern. Connie only shook his head negatively.
"You're cold, little chill to the touch," Eren noticed while holding his shoulder.
Armin brought Azzy closer to him, but he wasn't sure about even touching his own son. He wasn't sure on what to do, he only felt shocked and extremely bad about it.
Connie sat back on the sand and breathed more calmly. "It's alright, don't worry about it," he told the boys.
"Well, how was it?" Eren kneeled in front of him, extremely curious about it. Connie looked up to see Jean and Armin staring at him and back down to see Eren's eyes full of curiosity right in front of him; while the toddler stood a little further away, behind his father's legs. Azzy had his hand in his mouth, he seemed preoccupied, but also curious about what his passenger was about to say.
Connie held his head, he still felt dizzy. He contemplated on it. "When I was there it felt like forever, but it also felt like nothing," he started to explain.
"Where were you?" Eren asked.
"Yeah, where did he take you?" Jean also asked, equally excited.
Armin looked to the side, in some discomfort with this situation and their curiosity.
Connie looked at Eren. "It's that place, like you talked about, with the sand dunes and all the stars in the sky," he explained a little more excitedly. 'I knew it,' Eren thought.
"Well, we are in a place with lots of sand," Jean pointed out, a little sceptically.
"No, this was different," Connie quickly rebuked. "That place feels very odd."
Azzy looked around the adults, trying to understand the conversation and Armin looked down at him, still unsure about holding his own son's hand. He looked at the boy's eyes, noticing Azzy was getting anxious. "How about we go collecting seashells?" the father suggested with a charming smile and Azzy smiled back at him, the boy went running closer to the shore.
"Wait for me!" the father shouted. "I'm sorry," he sincerely apologised to his friend before walking off. "I am genuinely sorry."
"No worries, man. It's cool, he's cool," Connie tried to ease his mind. Armin looked towards the boy running into the waves, contemplative, and walked after him.
"At least you didn't die," Jean joked.
"Don't make this worse," Eren turned to him in complaint.
"What? It's a possibility. What if he came back with only half-a-Connie? We don't really know what this kid can do. We don't know the rules," Jean argued, still with a joking tone. "But we know now, if his eyes are glowing, don't hold his hand," he proceeded with the joke, looking straight at Connie who looked back at him with annoyance.
The two friends continued bickering as Eren turned his concentration to his friend walking away. He watched Armin go out into the shores, also contemplative.
The afternoon went on and they joked around, playing games and eating a lot of good food, like they were used to. The group of friends were having quite a lovely time. Armin and Eren were again near the shoreline, admiring the ocean in that cold afternoon. Eren was still very contemplative, reflective.
Azzy was following a small crab on the beach, wanting to play with it and was even imitating its walk, to his father and his uncle's amusement. "Look!" the boy cheerfully pointed at it, showing it to his father.
"Just don't try to grab it," Armin advised the boy, "he already got pinched before," he told Eren.
"There's never a dull moment with this kid is there?" Eren replied, and laughed a little. He turned to watch the ocean again.
"What? Are you thinking of going for a swim?" Armin asked, jokingly. It was a very cold and late afternoon, the sun was almost going down.
Eren considered it all. "I'm just wondering about the other side, what's beyond all these waters," he confided on his best friend. "Remember how much we would wonder about the ocean?" Eren asked with a small smile.
"I mostly wondered how it was possible to exist all this immensity of water," Armin remembered. "I couldn't imagine it properly but I hoped it was there. I hoped it was all here and it is. And now I'm living here, so near it. That's the dream," Armin smiled. "And I never get over how beautiful it is."
"It certainly is beautiful," Eren concurred.
Armin shrugged slightly. "And it's true, we certainly didn't expect there would be people on the other side," he considered. "We didn't expect a whole world would be out there."
"Evil people," Eren noted, "people who hate us," he let out with small anguish.
Armin tilted his head, considering it. "There's evil people here too. There's evil people anywhere," he argued.
Eren looked towards his nephew and observed him play for a while. Azzy had a handful of small seashells and was still following the small crab. The boy played joyfully around the sand.
"Do you ever worry about him?" the uncle questioned. Eren scratched his head slightly. "I mean I still think it was bold of you two to have a child. Don't you worry what kind of world he's going to grow up in?"
"I don't think about that all that much, at least don't dwell on it," Armin explained. "Sometimes it's good to enjoy life for what it is," he shrugged, with his hands in his pockets. "You know? Concentrate on the good moments, like this." the father argued.
Eren looked to the side, still quiet and reflective. Armin smiled, looking for his eyes. "A good friend once advised me to make good memories with my son," he reminded Eren. "You know, just in case," Armin raised his shoulders slightly. Eren smiled back at him, with his hands on his coat pockets. It was Autumn but it was already a very cold afternoon, especially so near the ocean. The sun was starting to set.
Armin started to look reflective as well, he was cogitating a few things. "And things are so quiet now, life has become a little more mundane, prosaic," the father started to argue. "Unlike all the frantic distress that was a couple of years ago," Armin laughed. "If only we knew on our graduation day, how much our lives would change and how much chaos the next few months would ensue."
"The traitors certainly knew," Eren argued, crossing his arms, "they brought the chaos."
"I know." Armin confirmed. "And we should be glad they didn't take you away," he argued back, "or else you'd just be someone's dinner." Armin raised his eyebrows, "I was the one who ended up having a nice dinner," he joked slightly.
Eren chuckled. "The fact that you can finally joke about it all shows progress," he added to his friend with a nice smile.
"Yes, progress," Armin scratched his head. "True," he also chuckled, a little naively.
The two friends stood there, admiring the waves and the sunset. They turned to watch Azzy playing in the sands, the boy was as joyous as always.
Armin shrugged a little, he decided to confide on his best friend. "And… since things are so calm, we're thinking about having another one…" he trailed off.
Eren laughed out loud.
Armin scratched his head, with small embarrassment. "We're considering it, now that things are so… stable," the father looked for the words, "now that we have this… peace."
"Double the trouble," Eren joked, they smiled and continued to watch the small boy playing in the sands.
Eren turned again towards the ocean, to watch the waves. Considering his friend's notion of 'peace'. "What if it's just the calm before the storm?" he questioned somewhat more philosophically.
Armin smirked slightly. "You don't always need someone to punch, Eren," he advised.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Eren asked back, confused.
"That you're always looking to start a fight, ever since we were kids," Armin added with some frustration, he leaned in closer. "Not everyone needs to be an enemy," he added, somewhat condescendingly.
Eren became angry. "So I should be like you? Hoping to make friends with everybody. So we can all dance around the fire together," he complained with some humour, pointing at their bonfire in the distance.
"Don't start," Armin crossed his arms in admonishment.
"You started it," Eren threw back. "You even invited the Marlean over," he raised his hand in complaint, in the direction of the bonfire once again.
"He's a nice guy, what's wrong with being friends with people?" Armin questioned, angrily.
"You don't have to invite him to our- to your house," Eren argued, maintaining his anger. "He almost saw Azzy jump!"
"So? I'm getting used to the fact that other people will just find out he can do that eventually. Besides, Niccolo knows we're Titans," Armin argued, pointing at the both of them. "What's the big deal?"
Eren rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "Sometimes you're just too careless."
"Why? Do you think he's a spy? Do you think he'll tell on us to the marlean authorities? You think that of every person who comes to the island," Armin complained with some mockery.
"We just need to be more careful, that's all I'm saying," Eren maintained his argument.
"Well," Armin crossed his arms. "I just think you're getting paranoid," he let out.
"Paranoid?" Eren questioned. "I can't wait for when they invade us with full force. Then let's see who's 'paranoid'," he challenged his best friend.
Armin looked back at his house, his own personal fortress. "If that ever happens I'll be more than ready, and I hope you will be too," he argued with conviction. "But unlike you, I choose to hope that a day like that will never come. Not oddly fantasise and hope for it."
"Fantasise?!" Eren questioned his choice of words once again.
"And there's one more thing," Armin proceeded. "You're clearly not shaping yourself as a good judge of character."
"What?" Eren was baffled, and he was becoming increasingly angry.
"You can't tell that Niccolo is a good and trustworthy person, for instance. You didn't try to befriend anyone who has come to the island so far, on the contrary, you just see them as a threat," Armin argued. "That's just narrow-minded thinking."
"Narrow-minded?" Eren continued to question Armin's choice of words.
"Well instead of opening your mind and yourself a little to new possibilities and new cultures you're just closing yourself off completely; which of course worries us." Armin scratched his head slightly. "And you're not making the best new friendships-"
Eren'd had enough, he interrupted Armin. "Oh, I'm sorry for worrying you with my bad friendships, 'Dad'," he mocked.
"Eren, come on," Armin pleaded. "I'm just saying there's one such thing as patriotism, but hating the outside world is another thing all together, is borderline stupid. It's unnecessary stupidity-"
"Stupid?" Eren questioned, vexed.
"Yes," Armin continued in pure and natural conviction, "these people are idiots. Their entire 'Eldian philosophy' is nonsense, we barely knew we were a nation before. It's just brainless and reactionary-"
"So you're calling me an idiot?" Eren asked.
"I'm not calling you an idiot, I just hope you wouldn't believe in any of that. Do you?" Armin asked back, confused.
"I know what I stand for," Eren affirmed, in a serious tone.
"Do you?" Armin maintained his question, still confused. And became more confused as he watched Eren turn away in anger and start to walk away from him.
"Eren, wait!" Armin shouted as Eren walked back into the lighthouse. 'What did I say wrong?' he thought, naively.
Azzy ran after his uncle, just naturally and purely following a person he adored, like any toddler would. "Stop following me," Eren hissed at the small boy and continued walking. The boy stopped and his father picked him up in his arms. Azzy rested his head on his father's chest, a little saddened and confused. Armin held the boy close, caressing Azzy's hair, and watched his friend go.
The lighthouse stable
"Don't go, the sun is down, there's no need for you to go out into the cold night like that," Mikasa pleaded to her brother, while walking into the stable. Eren was preparing his horse, so he could go.
"I knew you'd show up," he complained in between his teeth while fixing up his saddle. He had already gathered his things to leave.
"I hate when you two fight," she commented brokenly while crossing her arms. Mikasa was miserable and genuinely concerned.
"And we all know whose side you're taking, just like every single other time," Eren complained, still in between his teeth, he was vexed.
"That's not true," his sister countered. "You know I'll always stand by your side, no matter what," she affirmed passionately. Eren just rolled his eyes, 'not you won't, you never do,' he thought. "But I just wish you would tell me what is really going on," Mikasa continued.
"There's nothing going on," Eren responded, "apparently I'm just 'paranoid'," he hissed, gesturing the air quotes. "And an 'idiot'."
Mikasa opened her eyes a little wider and held herself a little closer, thinking of Armin's words, a little disappointed. She knew her husband had a sharp tongue, he'd never been unkind to her, fortunately. But with others, Armin could be very evil with his words, it was one of his main talents.
"You know he has a big mouth," Mikasa tried to justify. "He's always been like this. Armin always goes too far with his words without even realising it. But once I explain to him how he hurt you, you know he will immediately apologise," she argued.
"He didn't hurt me," Eren hissed back, while taking his horse out of the stable.
"Then why are you leaving?" She asked with a cold stare and arms crossed. Mikasa squinted a little.
"Because I want to go," Eren turned towards her with an ironic smile.
Mikasa thought about her next argument. She continued to plead. "I know it wasn't about Niccolo being a marlean. That's not the reason you were bothered by him being here, even though Armin thinks it," she proceeded with conviction, slowly walking in closer.
"It's because he's not in our friend group. I know it takes you a while to get used to new people. Back in training, it took ages for you to befriend others beyond Armin," Mikasa shrugged. "And half of your new friends betrayed you, so it's understandable that you closed yourself off again," she took a deeper breath. "I know you're still hurting with that betrayal," Mikasa looked at him with motherly, loving eyes, concerned. She tried to reach for his hand but he moved away again.
"Stop talking like you know everything about me," Eren complained, looking high up. He was still very angry.
"Well, I'd like to hope that I know everything about you, or almost everything," Mikasa conceded. "You're my brother, Eren," she reminded him softly, "we've known each other a long time."
"I'm not really your brother and you certainly don't know me, you never did," Eren declared sternly, hissing at his sister.
Mikasa sighed, sadly. "I know you are very lost right now and I'd hope you wouldn't go out like that into the night," she pleaded once more, brokenheartedly.
"Again, you don't know me, and I'm not lost," he maintained while climbing on his horse.
"Please don't leave," Mikasa insisted, very saddened.
"Just leave me alone," he maintained, leaving the stable.
"Eren, please! Don't go!" Mikasa shouted from the stable door, extremely concerned for him.
"Leave me alone!" He shouted back, galloping away. "I'd rather be on my own," he added under his breath.
Mikasa watched her brother go, she was in deep anguish and worry as he rode fast in the sand and under the moonlight.
[Still 853] Shiganshina
"It's 3 am," Armin commented from his horse, looking at his pocket watch. He climbed down, walking into the garden.
Eren looked back. "Uhrg, I knew you were following me," he complained, scratching his hair.
"I didn't follow you exactly, you were too far gone for me to even track. But I knew you would come here," Armin replied.
Eren had gone to the remains of the Yeager House, in Shiganshina. When the city started to be rebuilt, the three friends had cleaned the area and had decided to make it a beautiful memorial garden. It had been Mikasa's idea, she knew their mother would have loved it. The place was now filled with many beautiful flowers.
Armin stopped and put his hands on his hips, more comically. "I'm sorry I called you an idiot, and paranoid," he apologised, underneath the bright moonlight.
"Is that what she told you to say?" Eren complained, unimpressed, he squinted a little.
"Oh, I haven't heard the end of that, believe me," Armin complained back, still with his hands on his hips. "I don't think I ever will."
"Good," Eren replied, with a small smile.
Armin started to walk further into the small garden. "Now I remember calling you paranoid, I don't think I called you an idiot," he argued while sitting on the grass, beside his friend.
"Do you really want to do this again?" Eren complained with some humour as Armin sat down. He looked up to the moon. "How did you know I would be here?" Eren asked, more curious.
"Home," Armin noted, and explained. "When you were talking about Niccolo you called the lighthouse our house, but then you corrected yourself, and said it was only my house."
Eren looked down, reflective.
"See, I was listening," Armin added more softly. He looked around the garden, the beautiful flowers were illuminated only by the moonlight and they danced around the wind. "You know the reason why we made this place to be only a garden, right?" Armin asked.
Eren shrugged, a little childlike. "You two didn't want me to rebuild the house," he replied softly.
"And be alone in it," Armin confirmed. "We wanted you to stay with us."
Eren scratched his head, slightly annoyed. "But I can't just live with you, or just in the barracks- I-I don't want to. I only have a few more years left and I don't know-"
"And you don't know where your home is," Armin concluded, he knew his friend well.
Eren sighed with some frustration. "Not only that," he looked to the side, holding his knees close. "My time is running out and I still don't know what to do. I haven't found my purpose and I don't want to leave this Earth without leaving behind an impact. I know I have a role to play somehow," Eren tried to explain, pouring his heart out.
Armin smiled at him. "Eren you have done a lot already in this life. You protect the island daily and you saved us countless times. You saved countless people. What are you even going on about?" he laughed a little.
"It's not enough," Eren remarked, under his breath.
"Maybe you're just overwhelmed and out of focus," Armin considered.
"Out of focus?" Eren asked, he didn't understand.
"Well, for instance, what is your main goal in life?" Armin questioned.
"To protect the island, to protect our people," Eren declared.
"Alright, you're already doing that. We're doing that, together. So what's missing?" Armin proceeded with the questioning.
Eren looked inward, "I suppose I also want to leave my mark, as I said, but I don't think that's what's missing," he confessed. "I don't know what is missing."
"Why are you here?" Armin insisted.
Eren looked around the garden and held his head, unsure. "I don't know," he insisted, confused.
Armin considered a few things. 'It's not enough,' Eren's whisper was still swirling around his head. He thought about his friend's reasoning. "You know how you like to say how if it wasn't for me, the Survey Corps would've never gotten to where they did. How if it wasn't for me, things wouldn't have happened as they did. And we would never have gotten as far as we did, and arrived back here, at the basement?" Armin questioned.
"I say it, because it's the truth," Eren affirmed.
And Armin shook his head. "It's not true, not entirely," he pointed out.
"If it weren't for your crazy plans, for your actions, your clever decisions, things would have been very different. We would have lost this war ages ago," Eren insisted.
"Not really," Armin maintained. He leaned closer to his friend. "My plans are nothing without you, Eren," he told him with a smile. "Without you, we would have lost this war ages ago," Armin declared.
Armin looked around the garden as he could tell Eren was reflecting on his words. "And I think you already knew that but you are too humble to allow yourself to view your own in that perspective. And there's more, I think you also feel guilty."
"Guilty?" Eren looked up at him, confused.
"Well," Armin passed his hands through his own hair, thoughtfully. "There are two reasons why the armies of the outside world want to invade and destroy our island. First, the obvious one: vengeance. They think we deserve it for what the Eldian Empire did to the rest of the world in the past centuries, which is broken logic. We don't deserve to pay for the sins of our ancestors, that's just bonkers," Armin proceeded to expertly explain.
"Second and the more tactical reason: they want to use the power of the Titans for themselves. To do what the Eldian Empire did, to be what they were. And they already have a lot of power in that regard, with other Shifters and the atrocious use of Pure Titans," Armin proceeded. "But they would be infinitely more powerful if they could harvest the Founding Titan Power, that's the dream of any wannabe empire out there," Armin giggled but then proceeded more seriously.
"I think you feel guilty, because deep down you know they only invaded us to get to you, and they will probably keep trying to invade us constantly," Armin looked around the city of Shiganshina and sighed. "And I don't think you should feel guilty, but you're a good person and you just naturally do. Because so many people have already died and countless more could die, just because you're among us, in this island, alive and breathing."
Eren sighed. "The least I could do is protect them," he let out, timidly. Eren decided to divulge a little more. "I have this nightmare, it never goes away, in which the Island is completely destroyed; burned down to the ground by our enemies and eventually engulfed into the ocean," he confessed brokenly. "I hoped I could forget it but it always comes into my mind, and sometimes it feels like it's driving me insane."
Armin looked at him worried. "That's why we don't want you to be alone, Eren, you know you'll always have our support. Why haven't you told me this before?"
"Well, I'm telling you now," Eren justified. "Do you ever have nightmares like that?"
"Not exactly," Armin lied, his nightmares were filled with Armin Tybur's haunting memories, but he didn't feel the need to burden his friend with that. He passed his hand through his head, thoughtfully again. He decided to divulge a different type of Titan Dream.
"When Mikasa was pregnant, we both would dream with Azzy, future memories in different instances of his life," the father became saddened. "She claims she dreamt with him already as an adult, multiple times. She wouldn't remember much of the dreams of course, neither of us did. But she still made small sketches, saying she could tell how he looked like her dad," Armin added with some jealousy.
"Mikasa could just be dreaming of her dad," Eren argued.
"No, she is sure about it, you know how different Titan Dreams are," Armin argued back. He held his head with one hand, miserably.
"So you think that means…" Eren trailed off.
"That I'll be dead before he's twelve, that's why I can't see further like she can," Armin confirmed. "I hate this stupid curse," he let out in anger and frustration. "I still wish I'm wrong and just overthinking it, I wish it isn't real."
Eren gave him a half-smile, reflective. "It would be nice if we could grow old together, but I don't want to wish for it too much," he let out.
"I just wish this island can be left in peace," Armin also let out, with small hope. He sighed. "So are you coming back to the lighthouse, or are you staying in the barracks, or…?" he asked his friend, Armin scratched his head. "I need to send a telegram to Mikasa to confirm you weren't murdered on the road or anything," he added.
"Like I would," he rolled his eyes. Eren sighed and stretched a little. "I think we're both staying in the compound, there's no point in leaving Shiganshina at 3 am," he argued.
That hadn't been Armin's question however, he expected Eren would have finally made a more permanent decision, but Eren was clearly only thinking of where to sleep that one night, not about where his permanent home should be. He could tell his friend was still a little lost and unsure of his life. Armin became more curious, he thought of a way to get Eren to where he needed.
"Can we play a game?" Armin asked.
"A game? Armin, it's 3 am, we both rode from shore to Shiganshina. I'm beat," Eren argued, stretching again.
"It's just simple word association," Armin started to explain with an intrigued smile, "just like I asked what was your life goal and you immediately said it was to protect the island. It didn't require too much thought, you just knew it."
"Where are you getting at?" Eren scratched his head with confusion.
"Simple: I'll say a word and you tell me what is the first thing that comes into your mind," Armin suggested. They both started to finally stand up from the grass, Eren wasn't as excited as Armin was.
"Alright," he replied, nonchalantly.
"Home," Armin said.
Eren immediately turned his head down, red with embarrassment. Armin kept looking for his eyes, trying to decipher what his friend had thought about. Eren was red as a tomato with his sudden realisation.
"Did you think about her?" Armin asked, a little cheekily.
Eren grunted and started to walk towards the horses. "I forgot how obnoxious and hyperactive you can get at 3 am," he complained.
"Come on, that's not the game, you need to tell me what you thought," Armin complained while following him.
"Please, just stop." Eren told him off. "I just want to get to the compound and get some sleep," he added.
"That means she's your home," Armin insisted with a smile.
"You are so romantic," Eren replied, sarcastically.
"Okay, another word: Future," Armin suggested, and Eren looked up, red in the face again.
Armin smiled. "Did you think about her again?" he asked in a whisper. Eren nodded, extremely timidly, while holding on to the leashes. They started to walk with their horses by their sides.
"That means deep down you genuinely believe she's your home and your future," Armin concluded with a sweet smile. "It's a fun game isn't it?"
"It doesn't count," Eren argued. "I was already thinking of her before."
"How much do you think about her?" Armin asked, cleverly.
"Maybe a little too much," Eren confessed and sighed. "I can't believe I'm telling you this," he added, regretting it.
Armin smiled. "I missed our talks like that, it's been a while," he added and they both smiled at each other, and kept walking. "You should tell her how you feel," Armin advised, sincerely.
"It's not that simple," Eren replied. "I'm not right for her, besides, you said I was searching for home, and I came here. To Shiganshina, to my old house, not after her," he argued.
"Mitras is pretty far," Armin argued back, "something tells me you were just being nostalgic in coming back here. But you thought of her as your home," Armin cleverly pointed at Eren's chest. "You thought of Historia, that's what is important."
Eren became silent and reflective, and Armin continued. "And what's this about you not being right for her? You two are perfect for each other."
Armin looked for Eren's eyes, his friend was very contemplative. "Armin, I only have five years left, I can't do that to her," he revealed with some anguish.
"Let her decide that," Armin maintained. "Tell her how you feel and let her decide. She knows about the curse."
"It's not worth it," Eren disclosed. "I'll just embarrass myself in front of the sovereign, I know I'm already a joke between her courtiers."
"Come on, Eren, that's just in your head," Armin argued back. "You're just creating excuses, everyone knows she likes you back. We can all tell."
"How can you tell?" Eren asked, unconvinced.
"Because we're not blind, we all have eyes," Armin replied. "Just let her know how you feel. Trust me. Tell her you want her to be your home and your future. And to hell with the courtiers," he laughed.
Eren became red again, considering it, he eventually let out a small smile.
Armin smiled back at him. "Maybe she's the thing that is missing. The hole in your life to fill," he added.
Eren kept silent, but he wondered about it, the thought of Historia gave him peace inside, and relief to his troubled mind. He smiled, still timidly.
Armin continued. "Eren, we all just want you to be happy, maybe you two can make each other happy. What harm could come of that?"
[ To be continued... ]
