Harleking31: Well I mean it's an interesting character study
Their quirks help mold their personalities as they grow up
For example, Hagakure has really expressive and exaggerated body language because she can't convey the same others can with their faces
It's not that far fetched/unreasonable for some people to develop with their quirks as the basis for their personality, like real people base themselves entirely around liking a certain franchise, or X quality or hobby they might have
[This message has been truncated due to length.]
Re: I was more referring to people developing a Superiority Complex for having any Quirk.
Like, that kid from Izuku's class who can pull his eyeballs out of his head, where does he get off thinking he can be more-useful as a Hero compared to Izuku who has no Quirk at all? He's the worst offender in my opinion, but Bakugou wasn't wrong about most of them having "Junk Quirks"; I'm honestly surprised the term isn't in the Canon. Other such "Junk Quirks" from Izuku's class would be [Balloon Face], [Long Neck], [Long Nose], [Big Ears], [Clothespin Head], and so-on.
I'll admit there are a few hidden gems in there ([Rock Skin], [Most Muscular], and [Tornado] to name a few), but their shitty personalities take away from it in my opinion. And the likelihood that any of them actually got into a Hero School (since Bakugou is the only one implied to have trained his meta-ability long-term) is quite low.
*AHA*
The remainder of the first week went off more or less without a hitch, and for better or worse, I had a new moniker under my belt in addition to "Fitness-sama", courtesy of Usui Shiori the "2D Girl" and Hikage Kuromi the "Shadow Girl".
Everyone thought that "Yuusha-kun" (lit. "Hero-kun") was from me trying to roll Oogi-chan off of them after they'd been flattened, built on top of the rumors that my "grandpa" was a retired Hero who was grooming me for Yuuei in the future.
The truth of the matter however, was that "Hero-kun" was the preferable alternative to Shiori's "Isekai Protag-kun", which I had vehemently denied I was since the fate of the world wasn't resting on my shoulders and mine alone. In a world literally filled with Heroes, even if most of them were "C-Rank" by the One Punch Man metric of competency and/or power measurement, what were the chances that the fate of the free world would rest on the shoulders of a single person, let alone the one if not one of a few "Reincarnators" who just happened to land in Japan?
. . .
Ffffffuuuuuck…!
*AHA*
"So, I gotta know… What's your secret?" Togami asked, ears flicking.
"To what?"
"To how you get so many chicks!" the dark-haired boy huffed. "Manaka Mitsumi, Fujimi Yomi, Usui Shiori, Hikage Kuromi… Not to mention the in you have with Kaminaga and Manaka-sensei…"
Figures someone would've caught sight of me escorting the little sister to school, and the bigger sister from school that first day.
Also, I should probably avoid mentioning the three other girls our own age I have an "in" with who will likely be quite the lookers once puberty kicks in, as well as the Mon Squad and the literal (or maybe metaphorical)"Sex Appeal Hero" I was also acquainted with.
"I was in traction for a long time, so maybe I picked up a little empathy?" I offered. "That, and not being a complete perv…"
"Ah, yeah, I guess that would be part of it…" Togami hummed, knowing immediately who I was talking about as his eyes darted around the room.
Yama Takabana, the guy who could make his nose longer; often for the sake of innuendo. Mamazou Saidzuka who infrequently shrunk himself down to peek up the skirts of the taller girls under the pretense that he "couldn't control" his Quirk just yet. Hanyuu Daisuke, the extremely unashamed boob-obsessed perv to end all boob-obsessed pervs.
Macchio Mamoru was also in the running for peers who curdled my cheese, but he had a rationally healthy appreciation of the female form and did his part to keep the others in line.
Another perverted quartet were "The Monkey", "The Monk", "The Pig", and "The Kappa" all looking like real-life, racially-offensive caricatures of Journey to the West protagonists. But at the very least, they kept to themselves and had the good graces to discuss their leanings in private, and well away from the mixed-company of the class which was split almost down the middle between boys and girls.
"Also, we're just friends; and I'm not saying that to friend-zone anyone. We've barely started the school year. Let alone puberty…"
I was tempted to bring up the fact that I (and some of them probably) were still only twelve, but that sounded stupid in my head, so I knew it would sound stupid out loud; if I said as such to other pre-teens on the verge of becoming "teens".
"Just don't go leading any of them on now," Naruki hummed idly.
"Pot, meet kettle," Togami and I flatly told the bishounen, who had the decency to blush.
*AHA*
"So, how were things at school? Anything interesting happen this week?" Kuroko asked as we all ate a late-night, re-heated dinner together.
"Well… one of my classmates got flattened only to find out she has the same powers as Edgeshot," I replied.
"Oh? That sounds interesting," Tio hummed as she ate.
"Still, bet that was a real shock," Zombina nodded.
"Well, we did scream like barnyard animals, so… yeah."
"You make any friends yet?" Manako asked.
"I did, actually," I said, unable to keep the smile from my face. "Got phone numbers and texts going and everything~"
"Like who?" Doppel asked snagging my phone with her hair. Before I could cry out in shock, she shifted her face to match mine and bypassed the Face ID. "Hm. Awful lotta girls in here~" she hummed looking through my contacts and their accompanying mugshots.
"I have just-as-many guy-friends as girl-friends from Damoto," I huffed reaching across the table to get my phone back, only for her arm to elongate and hold me back by the face.
"You got any plans for this weekend?" Kuroko asked snatching my phone before handing it back over.
"Naruki had something come up, so Tomu and Togami and I will go into town without him," I answered, phone buzzing as a text came in. "Figured now that I'm not a 'truant', I can finally go into town, see what it's like."
"Well, if you run into any trouble, you know who to call," Manako nodded.
"That or you kick your own ass and take names, Wild Tiger-kun~" Zombina smirked.
"I seriously doubt the police will let me use a firearm just because I have this thing…" I said pulling my Wild Tiger-style domino mask from my inside pocket.
"And yet, you still carry that everywhere you go," Doppel smirked.
"That's beside the point…" I return, resisting the urge to look at my bogged-down schoolbag.
*AHA*
Comic Toranoana was, and amazingly still is, a major retail franchise for otaku culture that specialized in doujin and manga material.
Originally a small doujin shop located on the third floor of the Kamabayashi building in Akihabara in 1993, Comic Toranoana changed the landscape of the district's main street, Chuo Avenue, when it began to prominently display giant banners of anime and manga art from the face of its new, multi-story store way back in 1996. Swiftly, competing retailers copied this advertisement strategy and the avenue became swathed with banners and posters of anime, manga, and videogame characters.
Despite the sheer chaos and lunacy of the Paranormality Era centuries ago, that the franchise was able to survive this long was, quite simply, amazing…
The plan was for Togami, Tomu, and I to meet up at school before biking into Asaka-shi as a group. From there, we would go on to visit our favorite haunts and then, after lunch, buy some manga. You know, a normal "guys' day out" kinda thing where we could be candid with one another and talk about the sorts of things that guys going through puberty are interested in.
At least half of that plan went out the window when Fujimi Yomi, Usui Shiori, and Hikage Kuromi were already there waiting for us…
"Yomi-chan… Shiori-chan… Kuromi-chan… Why're you here?"
"To grace you with the pleasure of our company~" Kuromi said with a smirk as the three of them imposed themselves on our day-out plans.
"And who wouldn't want to show some cute middle school girls a good time~" Shiori grinned.
"Don't worry about me, Takei-kun, my sutures are fresh and ready to go!" Yomi grinned with a swing of her arm.
To her credit, the thing didn't fall off...
" . . . Should we make a run for it?" I asked my guy-friends.
*AHA*
We couldn't make a run for it…
*AHA*
Considering that McDonalds' menu and business practices had hardly changed since I had died, I was almost loathing it when more than half of our group wanted to go there for burgers.
However, I didn't want to be a stick-in-the-mud, so I figured I could metaphorically (and literally) stomach the questionable food at least for their sakes, because even McDonalds tasted better in a group. Shiori and Kuromi had been really sporting about not spreading my "Isekaitis" affliction to the entire school, so if anything, I owed it to them to be a good friend as we all struggled to find "meaning" in a universe/multiverse that didn't really have any beyond apparently being watched by some higher-dimensional entity like the contestants in some Total Drama Island-style gameshow.
I guess being in on such a big secret had a way of forming tight-knit friendships.
When it came time for me to order…
"I guess I'll have a medium… All Mac combo," I said staring at the picture of the deluxe double-decker cheeseburger. What set it apart from other double-deckers with cheese was that it had white cheese slices, blue-tinted buns, a robust crimson sauce, and on top a pair of "hair horns" made of fried potato slices.
If I hadn't reincarnated, I'd have ordered the spicy "Prominence Burnger" that took cues from the No.2 Hero, Endeavor. Unfortunately, this body didn't have the same tolerance for spicy foods I had originally, and while normally I'd power through in a "pain is weakness & bullshit leaving the body" mentality, I did promise myself I'd take better care of this body than I did my last one…
"Huh, this actually looks really good," I hummed as the food tray was handed to me, the "All Mac" actually looking as-good as it did on the menu. On the one hand, this level of quality meant that the workers at this McDonalds actually did give a shit about the minimum wage work they did. On the other, they were just afraid All Might's rabid fanbase would crucify them if they didn't do the No.1 Hero-endorsed burger justice.
Given the prominence of social media and how-psychotic fanbases got before the Hero Industry existed, I wouldn't be surprised if the latter was more the case than the prior.
"So… what kind of manga do you girls like?" Tomu asked, his cat tail swishing behind him.
"Anything to do with zombies~" Yomi grinned.
"Surprising no-one," I said between bites.
"A little Shonen, a little Shoujo," Shiori answered. "As of late I've taken an interest in Yaoi."
Togami choked a little on his beverage while I didn't care one way or another.
"Horror, gothic fantasy, art fantasy horror, boy's love… and a little yuri," Kuromi answered flatly. "What about you, Yuusha-kun?"
"Don't know. My manga preferences were off in the part of my brain that got scrambled during that Villain attack."
I got… a lot of mileage out of that excuse.
Certainly more-fun than saying "I'm autistic" whenever my crossed wiring got me into a bind~
No, but in all seriousness, any manga I had read before reincarnating that simultaneously existed in this universe were centuries old, either completed or discontinued, so I honestly didn't know if anything from the modern day would appeal to me.
For certain, nothing hero-related would catch my eye; I was all burned-out from superhero nonsense…
"Well, if anything, we're going to just the place to rediscover your passions~" Shiori grinned.
"I guess I'll take your word for it," I hummed, happy to be able to do 'normal kid stuff'.
*AHA*
The Comic Toranoana wasn't quite as big as my preferred mainstream book-buying venue back before I reincarnated, or even the used book store I got so much mileage out of, but I had to admit, the tighter confines made for a more-intimate outing with friends.
I gave the manga of the age their due, but even after giving several of the more visually-interesting titles their due diligence, nothing of the era really "popped" for me. It wasn't that the art was bad, it was just that the stories were all things I'd seen before. And it didn't help that the medium was still saturated by the "Other World" sub-genre. Sure, using real-life "Junk Quirks" as a plot point was interesting, but that was only interesting to me because I came from a pre-Paranormality timeline…
Just as I was about to give up on modern graphic novels altogether, something perched by the register caught my eye.
"What's this?" I asked holding up what looked like a fancy membership card, styled after a bronze plaque on a wooden panel.
"Oh, that's a subscription pass for the Historical Manga & Light Novel Preservation Archive," the cashier answered. "Given how-many cultural artifacts we lost in World War II, when things got weird during the Paranormality Era, it only made sense that Japan got desperate to preserve as much of our cultural heritage as possible once the fires and the looting and the rampant Quirk discharging started. Sign on for that and you'll get high-quality scans and PDFs for all the completed manga and light novels of ages past; all the way back to the original Astro Boy back in 1951," he said with the enthusiasm of a man who genuinely cared about the history of his livelihood.
"Oh~ Color me intrigued~"
Maybe now I could finally learn how One Piece ended~
Of course, I knew it would majorly suck to learn which manga didn't exist in this universe, but nothing from the modern day really appealed to me, so if I had to be an antiquarian when it came to my manga… who was I to refuse fate?
Not to mention, Shiori and Kuromi might really appreciate the classics from my original era, given the contents of my head, or at leas those I could tangibly remember, were like a Time Capsule.
Of course, given how Stan Lee and Stephen King kinda swapped places in this universe's history, I had no way of knowing if the manga parallels in this universe were the same or different…
After paying for my membership card and reconvening with the others, the bell above the door pinged. Ordinarily I wouldn't care, I wasn't that paranoid, but when a half-dozen bulky figures with various head coverings shouldered their way into the store, each and every one of them out-classing me by two-hundred or-so pounds… well…
"Shiiiiit…" I bit out as the leader pulled out an AK-47 and peppered the wall around the cashier's body with machinegun rounds; all without hitting him.
"*Buhi!* Hello, fellow otaku! Sorry to intrude, but this shop now belongs to us, the Orc Culture Recultivation League!" the leader, a giant Orc-like Heteromorph with dark skin and a light-colored mohawk said as he and his compatriots shouldered similar smuggled firearms. The leader was the most Orc-like, while running down the list it went along a gradient towards becoming more "Human-like", although even then, the most-Human-like member of the group still had undeniable pig-like characteristics.
Figures the one time I don't bring my P-90 with me on an outing is the time I get held hostage by Villains. Although I suppose calling these guys "Villains" with a capital-V is probably a huuuuuge stretch…
"Hold on, I thought we were the 'Pioneer Orc Recultivation Kinsmen'," one of the orc-like men muttered.
"No, that name got vetoed because two of us are from Jewish households," another muttered.
I'd face-palm myself at that on-the-nose (-er, snout) joke, if it wouldn't bring attention to myself.
*AHA*
A short while later outside…
"So here's the situation: They closed the shop's curtains, so we can't directly assess the situation, but… According to eyewitness testimony, there are six assailants: all Heteromorphs with swine or 'Orc-like' characteristics. All of them are equipped with firearms they smuggled into the country, shots fired, but no fatalities. They've taken the employee and six customers as hostages. The latter are of middle school age, for all the good that does us," the woman in charge of the debriefing explained.
"What are their demands?" the Asaka-shi Chief of Police, Kuroyama Koichi, inquired.
"They're demanding…"
"I repeat! We, the Orc Culture Recultivation League, hereby demand that all mainstream erotic manga be changed to 'Orc x Royal Knight'!" a voice boomed through the cracked door via megaphone. "On top of that, we demand the cultivation of other variations of the artform, such as 'Orc x Elf', 'Orc x Courtesan', 'Orc x Sister', etc. etc.!"
"What the hell are they talking about…?" Koichi asked incredulously.
"Furthermore, we demand the further cultivation of additional sub-genres such as 'Orc x Magical Girl', 'Orc x Office Lady', and 'Orc x School-teacher'!"
"They uh… have some really outlandish demands…" the woman at the whiteboard answered with a strained face.
"In addition to this!" a deep, but nonetheless feminine voice demanded after the sound of two people grappling for the megaphone leaked out of the shop. "We also demand the creation of 'Female Knight x Orc', 'Female Beast Tamer x Orc', 'Female Hero x Orc', and other such derivatives!"
" . . . Is this it?" Koichi asked once the demands via megaphone came to a lull.
"They also demanded take-out ramen in various flavors for the hostages, so at least they're being treated well," a round-faced man with coke bottle lenses for eyes, the negotiator, stated.
"Well, where are the Heroes?" Koichi asked looking at stills taken of those that had most-recently entered the Comic Toranoana from a nearby security camera; one of whom happened to be his daughter's 'Nii-nii', which only served to complicate matters.
"Well, the Mutants in question haven't used above-Human brute force, only illegal firearms. This on top of the absurdity of their demands and, well…" the hostage negotiator said awkwardly. "They don't want to get involved."
"Well, there was one Hero Agency who wanted to get involved as soon as they found out who one of the hostages was… But the problem is it's a conflict of interest…" another of the officers said scratching his face.
"Damn… This is going to be a media circus the way it's going now…" Koichi grumbled as he scratched furiously at his hair. 'Takehiko Tokei… You've endured so-much because of the failings of us adults… Just try to hold out a little bit longer, okay…?'
*AHA*
The good news is that when the bullets started flying, Shiori and Kuromi had the good sense to use their [2D Girl] and [Shadow Girl] Quirks to hide themselves before any of the "Orcs" could pin down that they were here. The bad news, this still left four of us and one shopkeeper ankle-deep in the shitter.
Sure, the Orc Culture Recultivation League arranged to feed us while they waited for their demands to be met, but the issue with that was the sheer absurdity of their demands. Mix all this with a toxic culture of power-worship that treated Heteromorphs like Jews from the Nazis and, well…
"So, how-long do you think they'll keep us here?" Togami asked as he looked up from the manga he'd been reading.
Unlike the shop employee who'd been tied up and left behind the register, the rest of us had been given piles of manga to keep ourselves preoccupied with, on the condition that we stay in the corner of the shop farthest from the door and not make any trouble for the League.
"No idea. At least they're feeding us…" Tomu hummed, his ears flicking and his tail floofed up agitatedly.
"Maybe, but it's evident they don't want the Heroes getting involved, so we might be here overnight at best, through the weekend at worst."
When it came to Quirk-related crimes, Heroes fought Villains, end of story. In the case of natural disasters, "Rescue Heroes" who specialized in Search & Rescue got involved. The problem here was because of the sheer lunacy of what the League were demanding, not only would we be low on the police's list of priorities if anything more-serious came up, but given the exacting nature of what the League was demanding, and it was likely that the Heroes wouldn't want to get involved, lest their careers become attached to what would probably be a complete media circus.
"Yomi-chan, are you okay?" I asked the "Undying Girl" as she sat in a huddle beside me.
"Y-Y-Y-Y-Yeah… I'm f-f-f-f-fiiine…" she quavered with a shaky thumbs-up.
Hm. Made sense she'd be terrified. Sure, she'd apparently died last summer, and she could regenerate to an extent, but if she got hit in the head… Game Over.
*Buho*Buho*
*Buho*Buho*
"What is it now?" one of the League asked as his compatriot snorted at the air with his snout.
"I'm telling you, there's more than one girl in here…" the other muttered.
"Well, maybe it's a leftover scent from someone that left before us?"
"Nooo…" the boss of the League said sampling the air as well. "This scent is fresh."
'Ffffffuuuuuuuck…!' I swore as I felt Shiori shift between the manga volumes at my back, as well as the intangible "something" of Kuromi hiding out in my shadow.
A couple of the League members moving through the shop and gradually closing the ring around us, when their attention was turned, out the corner of my eye I saw Shiori snake an arm out from the bookshelf and into my back pocket. When her hand retreated, I felt something swell up against my buttock. Reaching in to see what she'd left for me, I felt my face heat up at the still-warm cloth my fingers brushed over. That same hand snaking out and slapping me lightly on the butt a moment later, I shot up with my hands above my head, catching the League members' attention, the barrels of their AKs still aimed at the ground.
"B-B-Behold! My epic stash!" I proclaimed in my best Satou Kazuma impersonation as I whipped out the contents of my rear pocket for all to see, choking down the- "AHHHHHHHHH!" -that wanted to flee my lips as I held up a pair of slightly-warm striped panties, colored in blue, for all to see. 'Dammit, you! Don't look at me like that!' I cried internally as I felt Togami and Tomu's judging eyes on my person.
Of course, my internal ramblings were put on hold as the League leader strode up to me, towering overhead like a retaining wall of solid muscle before he leaned down to catch a whiff of the panties, and then turned his beady eyes on me. The tension growing so-thick you could cut it with a god-damn spoon, after several agonizing moments a lecherous grin pulled at his face, and I seriously contemplated if this was better or worse than the alternative.
"So, *buhi~*, what was she like?" the League leader asked in that nauseating, lecherous grin of his as he threw an arm around my shoulders.
"Who?"
"You know~ The girl you got those Shimapan off of~" he grinned wider, making my skin crawl.
" . . . A red-head Chuuni with twin-tails…" I choked out after several moments.
" . . . HAH! HA HA HA HA!" he laughed boisterously, roughly clapping me on the shoulder with his giant hand. "Truly, a man of culture!" he and the others laughed, Togami and Tomu looking at me as though they literally couldn't believe that actually worked.
Note to self: Burn this shirt later. Maybe my whole outfit.
"Don't worry, we wouldn't dream of harming a hair on the head of a Romance Protag-kun," he grinned as he turned away. "Ah, to be in the springtime of youth. Why, I remember the first Burusera shop I ever went to," he sighed wistfully, my skin crawling as he recounted… recounted…
Repressing. Repressing. Repressing.
Reeeepressed…
*AHA*
At around the same time outside, Kuroyama Koichi was tiredly rubbing his face at the growing media shitstorm manifesting beyond the cordon line.
"Sir, we have movement!" one of the nearby officers said behind his binoculars.
"Let me see!" Koichi said snatching them out of the man's hands, almost strangling him on the neck strap as he watched the door open, eyes going wide as he beheld the knife-like eared 'Take-chan' carrying one of the hostages, a stitched-up girl who was burying her face into the crook of his neck, out of the manga store in a bridal carry. "Move up. Cover their retreat."
"Yes sir," the man replied, conveying the orders via radio. A pair of officers moving up from the interior cordon with bullet-proof riot shields, the two officers linked up at the blond teen's back and escorted him the rest of the way into the safety of the police encampment.
"K-Kuroyama-san?!" Takei gawped as he came into the tent.
"Takei-kun, how'd you get them to let you go? What about the others? Has anyone gotten hurt? Do those guys have any secondary Quirks we need to worry about? How did you get them to let you go?!"
" . . . "
*Past*
"Orc-sama! I'm here to bargain!" I announced in my best Benedict Cumberbatch impression.
"Romance Protag-kun." *Buhi* "I'll hear you out."
Dammit, don't say that with such a straight face!
"My friend, Yomi-chan… She died last summer before her Quirk brought her back. I want to take her away from here."
"Hoh? Maybe I should be calling you Harem Protag-kun~ *Buhi-hi-hi-hi*" he oinked lecherously.
Kill me. Kill me now…
"What do you offer in exchange?" he asked all-serious again.
In response, I whipped out my phone which none of these guys actually confiscated; then again, they weren't actually concerned with exposure so maybe it was intentional? Leafing through the pictures therein, a moment later I held out an image of Tio in a sundress, but obscured her face from the frame as best as I could in the event they didn't already know my value as a hostage. Friends & Family of Heroes always got more leverage out of Heroes, but by the same margin, any Villain that got caught using such tactics was more-likely to get the death penalty from a Hero-worshipping Judge.
"If you let me take Yomi-chan out of here, I'll give you, this wonder bra. I have it on good authority they haven't been laundered yet since the last time they were worn."
"And how do I know you won't turn tail and run?" he asked, his eyes glued to Tio's monstrous J-cup chest.
"You have my guy-friends as collateral. That's plenty of incentive to make this a round trip."
"Hmmmmmm… A harem protagonist is only as good as his supporting male cast."
Kill me. Kill me right fucking now. I don't care if I reincarnate again or not.
"Deal," he said engulfing my hand and part of my forearm in his massive, muscular hand.
Note to self. Bleach that hand and then light it on fire.
"I should go," I returned in my best Mark Meer impression.
Making my way back to my friends, who heard everything, I made an apologetic gesture to my guy-friends before holding a hand out to Yomi.
"Come on. Let's get out of here."
"Takei-kun… I can't move my legs…" Yomi said giving me a shaky grin. "Hold me?"
"There, there. You're going to be okay. We'll get through this," I said petting her atop the head before scooping up.
Huh... Was she always this light, or have I been getting stronger?
*Present*
" . . . Lying to an officer is an offense, you know."
"Oh trust me, I wish I were lying about something this outlandish," I returned, Yomi still clinging to me like a limpet despite the paramedics' best efforts. "But have you heard their demands…?"
" . . . "
"Ah, that reminds me," I said holding out a volume of Shonen Jump I miiiiight have shoplifted on the way out. "Shiori, Kuromi, you can come out now."
While Kuromi rose out of my shadow and gave some of the nearby officers a fright, Shiori remained conspicuously absent.
"Shiori, I swear to god, if you hopped into a different manga while I was looking...!"
"H-Hold on...! I'm coming... I'm coming...!" the 2D Girl said in a muffled voice from the volume's pages as she slid out like printer paper, sprawling herself out across the ground with a glazed look in her eye.
"What happened to you?" Kuromi huffed. "What, was there porn in there or something?"
"N-Not what happened," Shiori said as she stuck her thumb in her mouth. Sharply exhaling, the next moment she re-inflated herself like an old Loony Tunes character before I helped her to her feet. "So, how's it feel to be the real deal, Yuusha-kun~?"
Oh god fucking dammit...
"So, I take it there's no Heroes here because their demands are so ludicrous?" Kuromi huffed with crossed arms.
"In as many words, yes," Koichi replied before turning toward me. "Sneaking two more people out from under their noses… You must have balls of steel."
"Yuusha-kun is Yuusha-kun after all~" Shiori grinned, my palm meeting my face as the nearby officers shot one another weird looks.
"Anyway… I have a 'wonder bra' to get a hold of or they might do something… wildly unpleasant to my friends…"
"If you think I'm letting Papi-chan's 'Nii-nii' back in there-"
"Nii-nii~?" Kuromi teased.
"Do you have any better ideas?"
"No… But at the very least, talk to the Mon Squad first. They've been breathing down my neck ever since they found out you were in there."
And there's the Catch 22. How to convince Tio to part with a set of her extra-large but no-less-sexy, and unwashed, lingerie so I can hand them over to a bunch of criminal perverts…
More-pressing however-
"Yomi-chan... Can you let go now?"
*AHA*
"TAKE-CHA-HA-HA-HAAAAN!" Tio wailed as soon as I stepped out of the secondary cordon, the Ogre-like woman smothering me with her massive sweater puppies as she lifted me from the ground. Twisting my head around so I could breathe, I saw Shiori observing me with rapt attention, Kuromi's face flushing a dark red, while Yomi giggled at my expense.
"Tio…! Can't…! Breathe…!" I gasped out, Zombina and Kuroko prying her arms off of me while Manako and Doppel extricated me.
"So… Shit's gotten pretty weird in there. How'd you manage to escape?" Kuroko asked, Tio pouting in the background.
"We can explain on the way home. Right now, there's something I have to get, or my guy-friends are goners."
I figured but didn't want to assume it'd only be the lady-orc using my guy-friends for… stuff…
Hell, if Naruki were here, he might get eaten alive like Satou Kazuma almost got by those lady orcs in the forest outside the Crimson Demon Village.
*AHA*
All of us piling into the Mon Squad's personal van, Yomi, Shiori, and Kuromi squeezed into the rear in order to, as they unashamedly admitted, watch me riffle through laundry for Tio's "wonder bra". Only reason I agreed to this arrangement was that the alternative was letting them run loose amidst the media shitstorm outside the secondary cordon and spreading zany rumors of my "heroic exploits" in the midst of a hostage situation...
As for what had happened after I explained what I needed to do to secure Yomi-chan's safety, Tio, bless her heart, wouldn't stop coddling me the entire way home. Manako and Kuroko maintained a straight face through the whole retelling. Zombina and Doppel laughed their asses off at my expense, surprising no-one; especially not me.
"So wait, you bartered dirty undies and they went for it?" Kuroko blinked once the details sunk in.
"Well, the boss did-"
"He suuuure did, 'Harem Protag-kun'~" Kuromi grinned.
"I will throw you under a BUS!"
"It won't work~"
"No, but it'll make me feel better!"
"Focus!" Manako shouted. "We can't let you go back in there… Not without a plan at least."
"Well, what would you suggest?" I asked. "The shop's fairly small, not a lot of room to fight, and if I try sneaking Zombina in like a contortionist in a backpack, they'll smell her 'formaldehyde perfume' a mile away. If Doppel swaps with me, they might still sniff her out."
" . . . I might have an idea~" Kuroko grinned sadistically.
*AHA*
By now the media was out in full force at the Comic Toranoana cordon, and I could only imagine what a spectacle of myself I was making as I walked back into the lion's den.
Or maybe 'pig pen' would be more appropriate…
Anyway! I had a backpack slung over my shoulders, and a wind-breaker as I came back in. I was let back in with little fuss, which either showed these pervy criminals were very trusting, or didn't think I smelled suspicious enough to have reneged on our deal.
"You smell like dirty laundry, *buhi*" the League's boss said as I stood before him.
"I had to dig into the bottom of a plus-sized laundry hamper," I said opening up the backpack I'd brought with me. "BEHOLD!" I said holding up the massive J-cup brassiere like a certain green-clad elf boy getting treasure from a chest. Suffice it to say, the eyes of the Orc Culture Recultivation League, my guy-friends, and the shop employee stared transfixed with saucer-sized eyes at the marvel of modern engineering in their midst.
The next moment the League boss snatched the bra from my hands, burying his snout into one of the massive cups, a *buho*buho*buho* sounding from his snout as he took in what I assumed was a heady scent of lady-sweat and tender flesh. A pervy look coming over his face that made my skeleton want to crawl out of my own skin, the rest of the OCRL dove into it and the panties with reckless abandon, the sole female member showing a modicum of civility, though fondled her own breasts with a contemplative look which, while big, weren't quite as massive as Tio's.
While they were largely pre-occupied and getting scentless sleeping drugs all over their hands and up their snouts, I opened my windbreaker, revealing a tactical vest laden with cylindrical grenades, the pins all tied to a single drawstring with a ring on the end.
'Must… resist… stupidity impulse…!' I warred with myself as I hooked my finger into the ring.
*AHA*
. . . I couldn't resist my stupidity impulse.
Also, was it racist to think that what did come out of my mouth sounded better in Arabic?
. . .
Ah who gives a shit, it's been two-hundred years since 9/11; no way it's still "too soon" for that sorta dark humor.
*AHA*
"God… IS GREAT!"
The aforementioned words leaking into the air through the megaphone someone must've left one, in addition to the huge plume of blue-colored smoke, nearly gave Koichi a heart attack. Right as he felt the media shit-storm was going to get a million times worse however, the door to the manga store was kicked out, the Mon Squad's young ward clad in a gas mask and dragging out his male friends by the scruffs of their necks, the store employee thrown over one shoulder like a bag of rice.
The SWAT Team moving up and covering his retreat with riot shields, this proved to be a smart tactic because a moment later, one of the orc-like criminals, the sole female who was pressing her scarf to her face, shouldered through the door and made after the escaping hostages, only for the brave men under his command to act the bulwark despite the massive gap in physical prowess.
"Move in! Move in!" Kuroyama demanded, unwilling to throw away this window they had been given.
"AUNTIE LARIAT!" Tio cried as she stormed forward in full Mon Squad regalia, catching the OCRL member in the face with a window-rattling- *WHAM!*
*AHA*
"Ow… My back…!" I groaned from inside the police tent as Togami, Tomu, and the shop employee were loaded into ambulances to sleep off the sleeping gas grenades I delivered like a ninja Catholic suicide bomber.
. . .
I really hope no-one heard me say that…
"Damn, kid, you've got big brass balls," Koichi said clapping me on the back.
"OW! My back!"
"Whoops," he gulped as I doubled over.
Despite all the working-out I'd been doing, apparently dragging two pre-teens and shouldering a grown man out of a manga shop at the tender age of twelve, was still outside the comfortable limits of my present ability.
Ow.
"Nii-nii! Nii-niiii!" a familiar voice cried as I stepped out of the police tent and into the sunlight.
"Huh? Guwagh!" I cried as Papi came out of nowhere and almost tackled me to the ground. Learning my lesson from previous encounters, I swung her around to bleed off some of the momentum so I wouldn't be flattened onto the asphalt.
"Nii-nii! Nii-niiii…!" Papi sobbed as she clung to me for dear life. "I… I was so scared, nii-niiii…!"
" . . . There, there, Papi. I'm fine. Nii-nii is fine," I said reciprocating the gesture.
"Awwwwwww~"
'Dammit, don't take pictures!' I swore as camera flashes went off around us.
*AHA*
"God, damn, media circus…" I swore on the way home after Koichi had some of his men ferry the two of us into a squad car and got us the fuck out of Dodge.
"Nii-niiii…!"
"There, there," I consoled, the little harpy having not let go since she'd first latched onto me.
All this time I'd been worrying about what my adopted aunties would think once they caught wind of this, all without realizing how she would react.
Guess I've got a lot to learn before I can be a good big brother again…
And all of a sudden, the fallout of all this come Monday seems a lot less important.
"Here we are, 'Yuusha-kun'~" the officer grinned as we pulled up to the Mon Apartment building.
"That nickname's going to follow me around forever, isn't it…?" I asked as I sidled Papi and I out of the squad car, Yomi, Shiori, Kuromi, as well as Hitomi and Mitsumi waiting for me at the gate.
"Takei-kun, I'm so glad you're okay!" Hitomi cried as she smothered me in a smaller but still-impressive bust compared to Tio's.
"UNGYAH! SCARY EYE!" Papi squealed out at the sight of her.
*FLA-FLA-FLA-FLAP!*
"I've heard of bird-brains, but that was just ridiculous~" Yomi grinned as vivid blue feathers fell around them in the little harpy's wake.
"I-Is my eye really that scary…?" Hitomi whimpered.
"Only to birds and the odd bird-like person," I reply matter-of-factly as I pat her back consolingly. "Ah, Shiori-chan, before I forget, you should take these back," I say holding out her panties in my clenched fist, which I'd completely forgotten about until this last moment.
"Hmmmmm~ Nope~" Shiori chirped.
"Huh?" I blinked. " . . . HAAAAH?!"
"Nope~ Consider them your reward, Yuusha-kun~!" the 2D Girl grinned as she sauntered off, a pop of her hips as she left me holding the bag.
"Dammit, Shiori, you take these shimapan back this instant!"
"Takei-kun! Why do you even have those?!" Hitomi cried out in shock.
"It's complicated!" I blushed as she looked at me with a blush all the way around her eye. "Shiori! SHIORIIIIII!" I cried running after her.
"Misunderstandings are all part and parcel for a harem protagonist!" the 2D Girl cackled over her shoulder.
"GET BACK HEEERE!"
"Running into a sunset? Really?" Kuromi asked with a flat expression.
"I think it's fitting," Yomi hummed.
*AHA*
"And that's what happened," I told Stendhal the following day as we took a break from knife training.
Best part about training in a dedicated Dojo within the SBC Glocken, as opposed to just doing PvP out in the middle of nowhere, was that I wasn't locked out by a lengthy Respawn Animation (not to mention travel time) whenever I received fatal amounts of damage.
And sure, we could've toggled the settings for [Infinite HP], but unless there was some form of "consequence" to fucking up, nothing I learned here would actually be able to help me in the real world when I might need it the most. Sure, the OCRL had been largely benevolent, more-interested in popularizing their choice in niche pornography than actually hurting anyone; but knowing my shit luck with Villains (and feral animals both from this world and others), it wasn't always going to be as-easy as promising them used lingerie to get me out the front door.
" . . . Do you still have the panties?" he asked with what I assumed was a straight face, causing me to spit-take the digital tea I'd been drinking.
"Wh-Why do you need to know that?!"
"In any crusade, the smaller details are incredibly important."
"I'll just pretend you didn't ask me that out loud," I sighed.
"Still, that was a good thing you did, getting your friend out, I mean."
"I'm just glad that got kept out of the news report. I'd die of embarrassment if anyone found out..."
"Well, the week's still young."
"Thanks for the reminder," I huffed as I finished the last of my digital tea. It didn't actually do anything for my IRL thirst, but the taste helped convince my brain it was being soothed.
"I think we've rested long-enough. Let's get back to practice," Stendhal said as he drew out a wicked-looking karambit knife, which I met with a cleaver-style machete.
*AHA*
AN:
Before anyone asks; yes, that was a Hellsing Ultimate Abridged reference.
I'm not apologizing~
