Eddie drove this time. It was likely Steve would be high off his ass for the ride home if they managed to pull this off. Hawkins Lab was even more creepy now it was just the two of them.
It had been almost two days since their last visit. They had agreed to wait until they were alone to go back, not to worry the others. Robin had noticed something was wrong. It took Steve almost the entire two days to convince her he was fine. In the end, he just said he wanted to have sex with Eddie without worrying she would hear them. It had guaranteed them the night alone. He almost wished they were having sex as they entered the desolate building, flashlights doing little to illuminate the gloom.
"Come on." Eddie grabbed his hand, leading the way back towards the labs.
The sensory deprivation tank stood as they had left it, still full and ready for use. Nobody had wanted to wait for the thing to empty, which was good news for them. All they had to do was find the drugs.
Most of the labs were empty, clearly abandoned in a rush. Papers were everywhere, chairs overturned, and equipment strewn across the floor. As they moved from room to room, Steve began to lose hope.
"We need to find their drug stash or something," Eddie told him bracingly. He stopped as they reached a crossroads, looking down each corridor with a frown. "Any gut feelings?"
Steve looked too, settling on continuing straight as he took the lead. He stopped outside a locked door marked Store Room 5. He glanced at Eddie, who gave him a wry smile. With a slight jerk of his head, the lock snapped, and the door swung open. "Oops."
"Is it bad that I find this kinda hot?"
"Yes."
Eddie laughed, letting go of his hand to go inside and examine the shelves. The room was remarkably ordered and had somehow escaped the chaos of the rest of the place. Eddie paused and took down a batch of sheets. "3B. This is what we want, right?"
"Yeah."
"Okay," he sighed, searching again before grabbing a laminated paper. "Ah, here! So... a piece about an inch wide should do. You'll be tripping within the hour. Shit, this stuff is strong. Are you sure about this?"
"No. But I'm doing it anyway."
Back in the lab with the tank, they sat on the floor in front of it, and Eddie handed over a small square. "Here, it should dissolve."
Steve winced at the sharp taste, settling back to wait. Eddie kept glancing at his watch, up at Steve and then at the tank repeatedly. Nothing happened. Steve was beginning to think the drugs had expired when he sat up, and the room swam, the water in the tank changing color with each pulse of blood in his ears. "Holy shit, Eds, I think it's working."
"Uh-huh." Eddie knelt in front of him and smiled. "Jesus, Steve, you're high as a kite, aren't you? I've never seen you so doped up."
"Your weed is nothing compared to this." Steve tried and failed to catch the sparkling motes floating around Eddie's head. He laughed when his fingers got caught in Eddie's hair, it felt like silk, and it reminded him of the stuff that had healed Eddie. "Is this real?"
"I don't know. Come on, let's get you ready." Eddie huffed as he helped Steve into the bathing suit. "Should've done this before you were high."
Finally, ready and helmet secured, Steve got to the top of the metal stairs that were singing some tinkling tune. He hummed along, taking Eddie's hands to climb into the cold water.
Eddie held on tight, face shadowed by the circle of light behind him as he lowered Steve inside. "Just say the word, and I'll get you out."
"Okay." His voice echoed in the helmet. He didn't know if Eddie could see his face but smiled anyway. "Three years certified lifeguard remember? I'll be fine."
He let go, fingers slipping through Eddie's as he sank deeper into the tank. The lid closed, leaving him in complete darkness that seemed to grow and grow until it felt bigger than the tank. Eddie didn't speak to him, which was fine. Steve liked the quiet. It felt… safe.
Closing his eyes, he blew out a breath and relaxed, trying to go deeper. When he felt the floor, his eyes opened. He was in the void. "Hello?"
No answer. At least he had managed to find it this time.
"Hello."
He jumped at the sound of a child's voice and spun around. It was a boy, maybe four years old. Steve didn't recognise him from any of the photographs of Project Indigo. Was he another subject?
"Hello," he ventured cautiously. "Who are you?"
"I'm Alpha. What about you?"
Steve's heart seized. It couldn't be, but… it was. He recognised the slope of his nose, the color of his eyes. This child was him. He knelt so they were a similar height, and his younger self approached, not at all afraid but curious.
When he was close enough, he smiled. "You're me."
"Yeah, I am. My name's Steve."
"Steve?"
He nodded as the boy thought it over. How did he even get his name? There was a mark on his arm. Steve could just make out the Greek symbol for alpha on his wrist and reflexively covered his scar. The boy noticed and reached out to touch it, slim fingers closing over his wrist.
"Oh," he said softly, eyes filling with tears. "You were hurt. Papa hurt you."
Steve swallowed back his disgust. "I think so. I don't remember."
"Will he hurt me too?"
"Maybe." Steve couldn't help it. He gathered the boy up in a hug. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Because he knew what would happen to him, a little bit anyway, he would have a rough few years. "You deserved better than this."
"But I'm okay." The boy looked at him in confusion, breaking free and stepping away. He bit his lip and asked shyly, "Do we have a family yet?"
"Yeah. Yeah, we do. A big one. Friends too."
"Best friends?"
"The best." Steve laughed, wiping his face as the boy smiled. "And we have Eddie. He's very special to us. We're gonna do everything we can to keep him safe, okay?"
"Eddie? That's a boy's name."
"I know."
"Is that allowed?"
"No. But we're special, aren't we."
His younger self beamed. "Papa says so. He says I'm the most special. He likes to do tests, and I always do good. I get treats every time. Does Papa know about Eddie?"
Steve had to close his eyes at the thought. Thank god Brenner was dead. It was almost as bad as Vecna getting his hands on Eddie again. "No. Brenner- Papa is gone. He sent us to a different family, a mom and a dad."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
"Are you not special anymore? Did Papa send you away because you couldn't finish the tests?" He was getting upset, and the water around his feet began to ripple. "I don't want to go away. I don't want to forget."
"You won't. Not yet, anyway. I promise."
He settled down, nodding after a moment. "Okay."
"St- Alpha? I need your help. I need to get stronger so I can fight."
"Fight?"
"The monsters. One escaped and wants to destroy everything, including the people we love. I need to stop him, but I can't remember how to use my powers. Can you show me?"
He considered it, again looking at Steve curiously. "Is One trying to hurt Eddie?"
"Yes. He wants to hurt us, and he knows hurting Eddie will do that. Do you understand?"
"Yes. I have a rabbit. His name is Bobbin, and he is my bestest friend. Some of the bad men threaten to hurt him, but I won't let them."
"Bad men?"
"In the white suits. They work for Papa, but they are bad." He nodded and held out his hand. "I will help you, show you how to fight."
"Thank you." Steve smiled and reached for his hand, frowning when his younger self pulled away. "What is it?"
"Can you show me Eddie?" He asked shyly. "I want to know what he looks like."
"Sure." Their hands met, and Eddie's face bloomed in Steve's mind. He knew both of them could see it.
The boy giggled. "He kinda looks like a girl. Why does he have long hair?"
"He likes it like that."
"He's pretty."
"I know."
His younger self frowned and looked down at their hands. "He loves us?"
"Yeah, he does. A lot. And we love him too."
"Okay." He nodded and gave Steve a small smile. "I can't wait to meet him. My bestest friend, aside from Bobbin." With a sigh, his expression became more serious than any four-year-old's face should. "My turn."
Before Steve could ask, he was falling into a vortex of memories and pain.
When Steve opened his eyes again, it wasn't the void but the tank. He knew this darkness well. It had been his safe haven when he'd lived here. Now it felt like a tomb.
"Hey, uh, let me out?"
"Did everything go okay?" Eddie's voice in the headset was concerned enough that Steve forced out a laugh.
"Sure. Feeling a bit claustrophobic, though."
"One minute."
The light was blinding as he was hauled out. Steve had to squint when the helmet was removed and blindly followed Eddie down the staircase. It had stopped singing. He started shivering the second he was out of the water, and his only thought was to find his clothes. Explanations could wait until he wasn't shaking.
He sat alone in a changing room, fully clothed now but unwilling to leave. His younger self had given him everything, which was a lot to process: the tests, the drugs, the powers. Steve held out his hand and concentrated. When the flame appeared, it was bright and blue, entirely substantial and dangerous.
It extinguished with a knock at the door. Steve relaxed when Eddie poked his head inside. "Hey, want some company?"
"Please." Steve slid to the floor, jerking his head at the bench so Eddie sat behind him. Leaning back against his thighs, Steve sighed and closed his eyes. "I remember everything."
"Yeah?" Eddie began running his fingers through his hair, scratching at his scalp. It was nice, and Steve relaxed further with a hum. "How do you feel?"
"Fine. My powers have already changed."
"I don't give a damn about your powers." Steve opened his eyes and looked up to see Eddie frowning at him. "How are you? Remembering everything, what they did to you, it can't be easy."
"No, I guess not." Steve had to fight back tears. "It's worse than I thought, which is saying something."
"How much worse?"
Steve didn't want to say. He was scared Eddie would look at him differently afterwards. Instead, he shook his head. "Later, with the others."
"Okay."
They lapsed back into silence for a while, Steve enjoying the repetitive motion of Eddie's fingers. "I met myself, like this past version that was still at the labs. He gave me back my memories, everything he knows. There's still some stuff missing, but I don't think it's long between that version of me and being at the hospital with my parents."
He ached inside for the boy, knowing his whole world was about to disappear, and he wouldn't even know.
"What did you think?"
"I was… scrawny." They both laughed, and Steve found he could look at Eddie again. "Very smart. The drugs made me smarter than any four-year-old should've been. Advanced cognitive function or something."
Eddie's expression darkened. "Assholes."
"I remember it from his perspective too."
"Yeah? And what did little Steve think of big Steve?"
"He thought I was big and strong, that no monster could hurt me." Steve smiled, kissing Eddie's thigh even though he couldn't feel it through the denim. "We talked about you too."
"Oh?"
"Yep. He thought you were pretty, and he's excited to meet you."
"But… you didn't know me when we were younger?"
"He's gonna forget everything." And that was the worst part. Steve wondered what would have happened if he did remember Eddie. He was sure they would have been friends a lot sooner. He wondered how quickly they would have become more. But they hadn't. Brenner had seen to that. "Right up until I go into that tank tonight."
"I'm sorry, Steve."
"Don't be. No boy should have to grow up with those memories."
Eddie leaned down, looking slightly comical with his face upside down, but then he kissed Steve, and his lingering sadness melted away. It kind of felt like he was meeting Eddie all over again, their first kiss for the little boy awoken in Steve. His child self would grow up to be just fine, he thought.
"I love you," he whispered as they broke apart.
Eddie smiled against his lips, pressed them together again briefly and then sat up. "I love you too. Now, come on. We should get going."
As they left, they passed the door to the destroyed wing where Steve had hesitated during their last visit. He slowed down again. He wanted to see it. He needed to see it.
"Steve?" Eddie stopped beside him. "What is it?"
"Come with me." Steve input the code and pulled Eddie through before he could protest.
Eddie stayed silent, following Steve down the crumbling maze of corridors. The air still smelled faintly of smoke, and the walls were blackened with ash as Steve followed the familiar path. He stopped outside an unmarked door, pushing it open. Inside, the room was just as damaged except for one pristine corner.
The epicentre.
Steve let go of Eddie's hand and walked over, carefully sitting in the tiny spot. His legs jutted out onto the scorched tiles. He could still hear his screams, the smell of blood, of burning flesh.
"Steve, what is this?" Eddie knelt beside him, resting his hands on his knees.
"My room." He scooted aside so Eddie could see the drawing on the wall, where his back had been pressed during the attack. Two figures stood on the skirting board, one a small child, the other…
"Is that you?" Eddie asked hesitantly.
"They both are." There was no mistaking his hair. His younger self was quite the artist. "Me and my friend Steve. Brenner hated it when I mentioned his- my name. This… outside person he couldn't control. Steve was a bad influence."
Eddie touched the drawing, tracing the faint lines of his hair. "Wow. This is unreal."
"All this damage. I did this, Eddie. What if I do it again?" Their eyes met, and Steve exhaled shakily. "What if I hurt people? Hurt you."
"You won't."
"You don't know that. I couldn't control it, and I was at my most disciplined then. If you get hurt because of me-"
Eddie stopped him with a kiss. "You worry too much."
"You don't worry enough." Still, Steve couldn't help smiling. "I don't want to have to drag you back from the afterlife again, Eds."
"No promises."
"Eddie…"
"You can't control everything, Steve. It's a war. People are going to get hurt, even me. You need to focus on fighting Vecna. You can't do both. You'll only end up getting hurt if you're distracted. I can take care of myself. I won't be alone. I'll be with the others, okay?"
"I know." Still, the deep knot or worry in his gut didn't loosen. If anything, Steve felt worse because Eddie had reminded him there were so many people he cared about. People who would probably be hurt.
He began to tremble, an undercurrent of something intense burning beneath his skin. It extinguished when Eddie touched him again, leaning in to bump their noses together. Exhaling shakily, Steve forced himself to relax, and the energy dissipated. The last thing he wanted to do was blow up the whole building.
"Let's go home, Steve. Before someone realises we're missing."
At home, the radio was beeping incessantly, and Eddie hurried to answer it before the search party was formed. Steve could hear him reassuring Dustin from the other room as he went into the kitchen to make something to eat. Most of the drugs had left his system now, leaving him starving. He hoped he wouldn't have to take them again. It was far too close to what had happened with the Russians. At least this time, nobody had hurt him. Eddie had kept him safe and got him home in one piece.
Eddie joined him just as Steve was plating up their food and fell into a chair with a huff. "Dustin's pissed off. Robin was there too, and they're both threatening to come over in the morning."
"I should tell Eleven."
"Great, the whole gang will be here."
"Good. I'll only have to explain it once." Steve smiled as Eddie got up and came over to hug him, head resting against his shoulder. "Let's eat before it gets cold. I'm tired."
"I'm not surprised after those drugs."
Steve slept well that night, deep with no dreams. He woke up only when Eddie shook him awake, grumbling his complaints. "I know, but Robin is worrying herself sick out there. Time to put on your big boy pants and tell the others what you know."
Steve nodded and followed Eddie to find Hopper, Dustin, and Eleven sitting at the kitchen table. Robin almost knocked him over with the force of her hug, and he had to laugh, letting go of Eddie to steady them. "Hey, Robs. I'm okay."
"You better be."
When she finally let him go, Steve smiled briefly with Eddie before taking a deep breath and just deciding to say it. "It wasn't just an LSD mix they exposed me to. They experimented with Vecna's DNA."
Silence followed the statement until Dustin spoke up. "So Vecna's your father?"
"Not exactly. I had parents." Steve had a barely there memory of a carnival, a woman with a blurry face. "They took me when I was a baby. I don't remember my parents. But yeah, I'm part Vecna. Who knows how much is me and how much is… him."
"Do you think he can control you?" Robin asked, worry creasing her forehead.
Steve couldn't look at the others to see their concern. It might derail his thoughts. "Maybe. I don't think so, or he would have tried to do it. But I can control my powers again. I can fight him now. But if he's gone, I think my powers will be gone too, if they're tied to him like I think they are."
There's always a price.
Who had said that? It didn't really matter now.
"I was the first they tried this on. It was… subjective. When I lost control, Brenner decided to take it away. That's why he used the Soteria and memory blockers. I was too dangerous, but he didn't want to lose his most potent asset. That was until Eleven was born."
Eleven looked at him attentively at that. "You knew about me?"
"I felt you. Your mother was here when I was. I met her." He smiled as Eleven's eyes filled with tears. "She was nice. We can talk about it sometime."
"I would like that."
"So, how does this help us defeat Vecna?" Hopper asked. "If it destroys your powers too, won't it take away Eleven's?"
"Maybe. I don't know. There's something I can do, but it's risky. Destructive is more accurate. That report we read about a lab wing being destroyed and off-limits? I did that. I think I can do it again under the right circumstances."
"Circumstances?"
"Grief. They killed my rabbit." He smiled sadly at their confused expressions. "My best friend. If I'm pushed to it, I can destroy Vecna. I don't remember exactly, but the report says I'm to blame."
"You could destroy everything, though. Especially if you don't know how to control it," Hopper pointed out. "Let's keep that as a backup plan. We don't want to blow everything up. You saw those reports. There was nothing left of that wing. You're sure you did it?"
"Yes," Steve remembered the feeling all too well. The fire, the grief and rage exploding out of him and destroying everything, killing all those people. He'd almost done it again the previous night, only Eddie's comforting presence calming him down. "I did something similar to you and Jonathan in the Creel attic."
Hopper nodded. "Yeah, I remember."
At least he hadn't been at full power then. If he'd hurt them… Steve would never forgive himself. Hopper was right. Using that kind of destructive force should be the last resort. "I can help Eleven, though, distract Vecna somehow or give her more power."
"You're not a battery!" Eddie snapped suddenly. "And why are we all sitting around talking about Steve like he's not a person? We're not sending him in to be a distraction or as a martyr."
"No one's saying that," Robin said reassuringly. "It's Steve's choice."
Eddie didn't look happy, but he let it go. There wasn't much left to discuss except make plans for Steve to continue training with Eleven. He felt a lot more confident about his chances now.
The door had barely closed behind Hopper, Eleven and a protesting Dustin before Steve was pulling Eddie into his arms and kissing him. Eddie's smile against his lips was smug. "Hello to you too," he murmured when they broke apart. "What was that for?"
"I love you."
"I love you too." He still looked slightly confused, which made Steve laugh.
"Just… thank you, that's all."
"Oh, well then, you are very welcome." Eddie's hands slipped under Steve's shirt, fingers dancing across his waist and up his back. Their lips met in another kiss, a moan escaping Steve when he was shoved against the wall. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"I could think of a few things." Steve glanced over his shoulder to see Robin standing in the kitchen doorway. She gagged loudly, breaking them apart. "Maybe later."
"Ugh, don't you have someone else to cock block?" Eddie grumbled.
"No, just my Steve," Robin told him smugly as she grabbed Steve's arm. "You have him all the time, don't be greedy."
"Sorry." Steve managed one last kiss before he was pulled away entirely.
Robin towed him outside again, and they sat huddled together on one of the pool chairs. She nudged one of his legs with her foot, gaining his attention from the chittering in the woods. He'd been distracted the past week with trying to learn more about his past. He'd need to go bat hunting later.
"Steve, promise you won't sacrifice yourself."
"What?"
"I know you." She grabbed his hands and gave them a painful squeeze. "And I know you would do something like that if it meant we could win. Please, don't. We can win without you playing distraction."
"But-"
"Think about how we'd feel if you were gone." There were tears in her eyes now, and Steve leaned forward to wipe them away. "I don't want to live without you, Steve."
"You won't," he got out thickly. "I promise, Robs, you won't."
She nodded, leaning forward to press their foreheads together. "I love you, dingus."
"I love you too." He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. Even though it was cold, they stayed outside. Eddie came out after a while to bring them some blankets, only kissing the top of Steve's head before leaving them alone. Steve had never felt so grateful or loved.
Robin fell asleep first, and Steve had to carry her upstairs into the spare room. Once she was safely tucked in bed, he crept into his room, where Eddie was already sleeping. He woke when Steve crawled under the covers, rolling over to lay half on top of him and promptly fell asleep again.
Smiling at the ceiling, Steve fell asleep with a full heart and a new determination to stay alive.
