A more than familiar bitter jealousy settled in Xander's chest as Giles drove him home after dropping off Willow. The relief that Buffy was okay after her ordeal the stupid Watchers Council had put her through was already fading (as it so often did). Giles had sworn him, Willow, and Cordelia to secrecy about his part in the test. Angel had gone on another solo search for Buffy, as if he were the best option to find Buffy, so he didn't know about the test, either. That was a good thing because Angel wouldn't have been able to keep a damn thing from Buffy, especially something this sensitive. Angel would tell Buffy in a heartbeat he didn't have something of this unpleasant nature, if it would help to distance Buffy from her friends again.
Dead boy had been doing that since the moment they'd met. Coming to Buffy all tall, dark, and mysterious and warning her about the Master and the Harvest. Giving her jewelry that she'd worn all the damn time. Popping up every now and then to give a warning or offer a little bit of help with the next Big Bad they were dealing with. Angel may have been able to fool everyone, even Giles, that he was a good guy, but Xander had known all along that Buffy's 'friendship' and then relationship with the vampire would come back to bite (pun not intended) them all in the ass. And oh how right he'd been, he thought, feeling every inch vindicated when Angel turned into Angelus.
Life had started getting back to normal after Angel was finally gone, but not for good, as they would all find out. The previous summer without Buffy had been hard. It wasn't easy trying to keep Sunnydale vampire-free without the Slayer. Giles had been gone for a lot of it, flying or driving here and there when he'd gotten a lead on a girl who might be Buffy. Disappointingly, it always turned out never to be her. Mrs. Summers had been a wreck, constantly calling, wanting to know if either he or Willow had heard from Buffy yet. Every time he told her no, it made his heart harden just a little more and his hate for Angel to intensify. The vampire was dead-swallowed into a freaking hell dimension, for crying out loud! And yet even in permanent death he was still ruining Xander's life! Buffy had killed him, and yet she'd still acted like the damn world had ended, taking off for God knows where, only her mom getting a goodbye note. (Finding out that Willow had accomplished the spell and it was Angel, not Angelus, whom Buffy had to kill made no difference to Xander. In his opinion, the vortex disappearing with Angel inside it meant it was a done deal.)
The summer had only gotten worse after Mrs. Summers told them Buffy had run away. There was watching the romance bloom further between Willow and Oz while his love life seemed to be crashing and burning. Again. Not a word from Cordelia even though she'd ditched her friends after the love spell gone wrong last Valentine's Day, and they were technically still a couple after school had let out. At least, he'd thought they were. Their first meeting had been so awkward that Xander hadn't been sure where they'd stood and then he had a front row seat to Willow pining for Oz before finding out he'd purposefully not graduated so he could spend more time with Willow, even if he was stuck in high school for an extra year. And then there was-
"Xander!" Giles' loud voice pulled him from the quagmire of angry and self-pitying thoughts.
When he looked to his left, Xander could see from Giles' extra annoyed expression that he must've been trying to get his attention for some time now.
"What?" he asked defensively.
Giles huffed, irritated. "I need you to focus, Xander. These next weeks are going to be very difficult, for all of us, not just Buffy. When the police get involved to investigate Joyce's…murder, we can't have any slips of the tongue. Buffy's already had enough problems with the police after what happened in the Ted debacle and then Kendra's death last spring. We can't give the detectives a reason to be even more suspicious of the circumstances surrounding Joyce's death. Do you understand me?" Giles gave him a stern look between keeping an eye on the road.
Xander felt like he was being cornered. "Hey, I've been at this for a few years now, Giles, I know the drill. Give me a little credit, G-man." He kept his tone nonchalant despite his own irritation.
He received a glare for his "G-man" nickname.*
"I'm just saying that when the situation gets tense, you-you tend to say, brusquely and usually insensitively, mind you, what's on your mind without thinking about the consequences, which are often incendiary."
Affronted, Xander asked, "When have I ever done that?"
The responding look was long. Xander shrugged, and fortunately, Giles moved on.
"I just need you to promise me that you'll be more circumspect with what you say going forward." Giles sighed the sigh of a man overwhelmed.
"Don't worry, G-ma-iles," he corrected at the sharp look. "I got this." Xander would have to look up what 'circumspect' meant when he got home.
"Good." Giles nodded, his tone decisive. And just like that their conversation was over. The rest of the drive to his house was silent.
Xander let his mom know he was home. He wasn't sure why he bothered, it's not like his parents were ever overly worried about him. One would think with the abnormal deaths and murder rate of Sunnydale, parents would be extra cautious about their childrens' whereabouts. Apparently Xander's parents either felt he could take care of himself or they didn't care as they ought to. If the former, it was an ego boost, if the latter, well, let's just say he wasn't all that surprised.
Throwing himself onto his bed face first, Xander just laid there feeling sorry for himself (as usual, despite the fact that he was not the one who had just lost his mom and hadn't spent the last few days in emotional turmoil because he thought he'd just lost his entire identity). Sulking over a situation that didn't revolve around him, making it about how he was the injured party, was certainly Xander's specialty. So, true to form, his mind circled back around to the pity party he'd been throwing for himself before Giles had interrupted. He was now free and clear to return to the mope fest.
Xander remembered how happy he'd been (about a millisecond) before it had turned to anger when Buffy had showed up when she'd come back from LA. He'd buried the feelings until they'd boiled over at the Dead Man's Party that had been an unexpected twist to the hootenanny they threw for her. He'd been so pent up with anger that he'd yelled at Buffy, not just on his behalf, but her mom's and Willow's, too. But when the zombies attacked, he was right there and had Buffy's back-like he always did.
"Does she remember that?" he asked aloud to no one. "Of course not," he scoffed.
"Xander, honey, are you okay in there?" his mom called through the door.
"Fine, Mom!" he yelled back.
Now where was he???
Oh, yes, the reasons why his life sucked and was ruined by Angel and Buffy's relationship.
Finding out Angel was alive and back and Buffy had been hiding it had made Xander feel betrayed. And seeing her kiss him had only stirred that always-below-the-surface jealousy, whipping it into a frenzy. He'd been excited to share with the others his news about Angel's return; practically frothing at the mouth to confront her. And oh, how satisfying it had been to finally let loose just a fraction of what he'd been holding inside that day in the library. It was glorious! Too few times had he had the nerve to voice his opinions, opinions he didn't believe to be as harsh or as much of a problem as Giles had stated. The tightly wound Brit was just exaggerating, Xander was sure.
Willow had ended up in that coma because of Angel. If she hadn't been trying to re-ensoul Angel, she wouldn't have been in the library when Angel's goons had come for Giles. And who was it who got her to wake up when she wouldn't? Him, Xander, had told Willow he loved and she began to stir. But whose name had been on her lips? His? Her oldest friend, the guy always at her side? No, no it was not. It was Oz's, her werewolf boyfriend, who Xander felt was too much of a danger for Willow.
It had felt like a slap in the face and it had been disheartening to observe their blossoming relationship. Xander had felt as if his feelings hadn't been taken into account. He'd finally admitted he loved Willow, and it was like she brushed him aside, even going as far as to want to try the Gypsy Curse against his objections, even going as far as to literally send him into the vampires' nest to let Buffy know she was trying again. It had felt so good to change Willow's message from 'I'm trying to curse that fiend again' to 'Kick his ass!' The small glimpse of Buffy fighting Angel had been wonderful. He wished he could've seen her shove that sword through his heart and watched as the vortex swallowed Angel into Acathla's hell dimension.
Back to his feelings for Willow and dating Cordelia at the same time. It hadn't been easy trying to balance that emotional burden, especially after he and Willow had kissed before the Homecoming Dance. Knowing that she was struggling just as he was had made him feel better. And then of course it had all gone and blew up in their faces when Spike had kidnapped them for his stupid love spell to make Drusilla love him again. They could've been a second away from death, he was already hurt with that head injury, so Xander felt they could've been given a break for the kiss they shared. But noooo, Cordelia had to go and get all extra offended, as if they weren't in a life and death situation, running up the stairs, making them collapse and impaling herself on the rebar. Oz had kept his head, but not Cordelia. Oh no, the Queenbee of Sunnydale High had to make the situation all about her!
What sucked even more is that Oz eventually forgave Willow, and they were back together, and seemingly stronger than ever while Cordelia pretended he didn't exist, even going as far as to return to the shallow bitch she'd been before they'd taken their relationship public. It wasn't fair! Willow and Oz mending their break up and Buffy and Angel getting back together at Christmas just wasn't fair! Especially when Cordelia had revealed some of his family problems, things he'd told her in confidence, instead of forgiving him.
Shallow, heartless bitch, Xander thought.
Wanting some validation (that he didn't deserve) Xander grabbed his phone and dialed Willow's number. He was so glad her parents had gotten her a private phone line so she always had access to the web. At night she would switch the cord to her phone, which she kept on low volume, so she didn't have to worry about her parents catching her on the phone at 3 AM on a school night.
Xander was worried she wasn't going to answer when he continued to hear just the ringing.
"Hello?" Willow's sleepy voice finally came over the line.
"Hey Will," he said.
"Xander? Is something wrong?" she asked, her voice becoming more alert.
"No…..Well, nothing more than it already is," he reassured. He heard her sigh of relief.
"Oh, good."
There was silence.
"What did you need to talk about then?" she finally asked.
Xander sighed. "I'm just worried about Buffy. She just lost her Slayer powers, and her mom."
"I'm worried too, but Giles said her strength will come back soon, and as for her mom's death, we're here for her. She won't be alone dealing with this."
"I know," Xander replied, letting out another sigh. "I just think she should've gone home with you, or Giles," instead of Angel, he finished mentally.
"Xander." He heard the admonition in her voice. "Buffy and Angel are back together now. You need to accept that. Buffy needs us now more than ever. We can't let squabbles from the past creep back in to complicate everything and make it more difficult, especially right now," she said sternly.
"I know, I know," he said, caving in, the fight leaving him. For now, at least.
"Listen, I'm really tired. If you want to talk more about this, we can do it tomorrow." Willow yawned.
"Yeah, alright."
"G'night, Xander."
"Night, Will."
Over at the Rosenberg house, Willow replaced the receiver back onto the cradle and snuggled back down into her bed. The warm body next to her rolled over to face her.
"Everything okay?" Oz asked her.
Willow smiled at her boyfriend in the dim moonlit room. "Yeah," she said, finding his hand under the covers and entwining her fingers with his. "Xander thinks Buffy should be with me or Giles tonight, but I think she's with who she should be. Just like I am." She felt Oz squeeze her hand. She gave him a mischievous grin. "Besides, the bed might be a little crowded with the three of us."
Oz chuckled softly. "Oh, I don't know. I don't think I'd mind having you a little closer," he said, leaning forward so he could kiss the tip of her nose.
She giggled. "I wouldn't either, but this really isn't the time for awkward sleepovers. We need to be well rested so that we can help Buffy through these next few days. They're going to be really hard for her, and she's going to need us."
"You're right," Oz agreed. "Let's just sleep."
Willow rolled over and pressed her back to Oz's front. His arm snaked around her middle, and she began to drift off to sleep, pleasantly warm from his shared body heat. She was grateful more than ever that Oz had agreed to try again at Christmas. She had missed him so much, it had felt like a part of her was missing without him. They still had yet to do that thing* * as she had phrased it at Christmas, but she didn't care. Oz had snuck into her room a couple times a week since they mended their relationship, but only to hold her-with clothes on, regrettably.
She remembered her conversation with Buffy from a year ago. Ironically, it had been right around this time. They'd been talking about how Angel and Buffy taking the next step in their relationship seemed like it would happen soon, that the kissing and heavy petting were no longer enough. Willow finally understood that simmering desire in a way she'd never experienced before-not even for Xander. This realization just drove it further home that she was meant to be with Oz and her dalliance with Xander had been a huge mistake, a mistake she regretted deeply.
It would happen for her and Oz when it was meant to. Willow was sure about that. And with that last thought, she fell asleep, snug and happy in her boyfriend's arms.
Xander called Giles 'G-man' and Giles told him to never call him that - 2x1 "When She Was Bad"
Willow referred to sex as "that thing" - 3x10 "Amends"
