The drive through the next state was hardly going to be a long affair.
It wasn't long until Smokescreen found himself carting Roland through the long stretches of flat and incredibly hot lands of north Texas. It made for an easier drive through the early morning after a brief escapade for his companion to get an awfully sweet breakfast. However, the hours spent driving on the interstate was spent with Roland emerging with more energy than ever before. It seemed as if the endless introversion was slowly fading, with Smokescreen now bearing witness to Roland inviting him in to listen to what a singer's daily routine would sound like. Such an invitation was proffered when they crossed through state lines, and before long, Smokescreen would find himself listening to the sounds of Roland practicing a rather upbeat song.
From Oklahoma City to Amarillo, Smokescreen began to get a crash course on what a musician's life entailed beyond the search for an impossible stardom. There was an enormous amount of discipline involved in Roland's quick descriptions of what a normal morning routine entailed especially before a performance. From vocal warm-ups to organizing and rehearsal, it wasn't even accounting for the conception of original material and perfecting one's craft in that regard. By way of that, he also began to get a simultaneous crash course on what it meant to be a vocalist as well. It was to the point where Smokescreen forgot they were supposed to encounter new sights as they quickly crossed state lines westward, traveling relatively quickly through Texas before they would bear upon New Mexico in a matter of hours.
"See this phone you like to make fun of?" Smokescreen's sensors didn't make it difficult to pick up on the very primitive piece of technology that Roland was holding, which took the form of his phone. The Autobot let out a chuckle.
"You mean, something that I can easily improve in a nanoclick if you'd let me? Or maybe I get one of the really tech obsessed bots to create you a better one?"
"You… off-topic. Anyway, back to the music. This phone is my life when it comes to recordings. I have some equipment back at Chicago, but it was honestly cheap anyway. If I need to record stuff, this was my life… and it also helps that it has enough storage for the music I need."
It did not take long for Smokescreen to be roped into what appeared to be Roland's process for creating demos and practicing his own craft. One song that caught his attention was an upbeat one that involved Roland tapping the steering wheel to a beat with one hand, with his phone on the other.
"That's how songs start. Always have a beat in hand and mind. Now, I'll vocalize and see if you can follow along."
Smokescreen followed along as best he could, though there wasn't much energy he could dedicate with a palpable response as he focused on making sure that neither he nor Roland would find themselves crashing into another vehicle. However, the tapping sensation on the steering wheel was one that caught notice, and with enough focus, his sensors could pick up rhythmic vocalizations that heralded an upbeat melody. What intrigued Smokescreen the most was the focused intent on Roland's part and just how quickly he would lose himself in vocalizing louder and louder. Lucky for the human that he wasn't the one maneuvering the vehicle and the windows were tinted enough that nobody would catch suspicion. Still, it was surreal to see his normally flustered companion exude a kind of focus that reminded him of determined younglings that wanted to prove themselves.
He was glad that processors can't exactly be read or that there would be no tick to allow Roland to cast suspicion on his thoughts. Seeing his companion figuratively come to life as beats and vocalizations transitioned into heartfelt and upbeat lyrics was a sight to behold for the Autobot. At times, Smokescreen wasn't sure if he could follow along to the very song that Roland was seeming to sing for him, though the simplicity of the melody gave him a line to follow along while allowing his processors to stay focused on the road to New Mexico. The amount of time that Roland sung wasn't a particularly huge one, with Smokescreen's internal clocks having counted to at least 25 to 30 seconds before he could 'see' Roland fiddling with the rather primitive phone interface.
"That's what you normally do?" Smokescreen asked. He held a genuine curiosity over how exactly humans would work on their creative craft. "Also, where'd that song come from, anyway? Thought you were the type to sing mostly… all of that slagging sad stuff." He added that last part mostly in an attempt to fluster the singer.
To his amusement, it did work. Hearing the 'I' was a moment for Smokescreen to allow a laugh to bellow out through the interior, even though he knew he had to keep his focus on the roads ahead. Trying to weave through traffic without arousing suspicion was a delicate balance of trying not to fall into the temptations of barreling through traffic and expending the trip to Tranquility in a manner of seconds. He could survive the need to unleash the most powerful extent of his capabilities, but the one thing that gave him pause was… the very flustered human who seemed prime to lose focus anytime he was even so much as slightly embarrassed. As oddly endearing as it was to Smokescreen, it was a brutal juxtaposition from what the Autobot himself used to know… and what the rookie knew was lying beyond just the moments they seemed to share with another more and more.
"I don't just sing sad songs," He was glad to hear some measure of defensiveness in Roland's voice, as well as appearing affronted. If only Smokescreen was in true form could he grin back at his companion with more jest. Still, the Autobot let a chuckle suffice as a reaction. "I sing ballads, which don't have to be sad all the time. But I sometimes like to… you know… like to take things a little upbeat.
"Anyway, that song is an old one that my mom had lying around as a little thing. I've held onto it for a while as like an… original song. Singers have a whole bunch of stuff like this lying around, I… haven't had the time to really think about my own stuff beyond just like a couple of tracks."
Now that piqued Smokescreen's curiosity even further. As much as he knew it was potentially placing the Decepticon threat to an even greater abstract and distance, there was a comfort in talking about other things… human things, to be more specific. There was a strange comfort in hearing Roland talk about the profession he wanted to enter in. In time, Smokescreen would probably understand the deeper nuances, but still he would try to follow.
"You committed to someone, then?" The lyrics that Roland sang weren't lost on the Autobot. "You seem really fond of like… love songs, Ro."
"Smokescreen… jesus…" Maybe he'll ease off on the flustering a touch. "I'm not, no. It's just… a lot of the songs I practiced with are love songs. This one was when my mom was really in love with someone and I've kept it with me for a while because I… normally just sing really dramatic or sad ballads. But… it helps that they use a lot of technique I needed to learn. But even that song I just sang, there's… some things in it I need to improve." Now that, Smokescreen was a bit confused by. To his receptors, Roland seemed to sound fine if a little bit exhausted. However, he was the last Autobot to know a thing or two about the intricacies of musical composition.
"Like what? You sounded just fine to me. Tired, yeah. But I don't think you humans are supposed to be sleeping on cars all the time." He wondered how a more obvious realization didn't come to him, or maybe he didn't really look too deeply into the scanning of his human companion too much.
"It's not just about my pitch, I think." Smokescreen could hear him pause there. "Well, I can always improve that. It's just finalizing some of the stuff yeah and really getting the verse chorus verse chorus thing settled. I guess to simplify it, I just need to rewrite some of the lines and mix things around."
He filed a lot of that in things to research for later on should his systems be fully repaired at some point. He dreaded how Ratchet would react if he was in this planet still. That line of thought got his processors to start thinking about the possibility of an Autobot reunion. Really, past the excitement of getting to see his comrades again, the actual practical and concrete details of it were lost to the Autobot, especially since most of it would hinge on who was actually there. This was something he needed to talk about with Roland in some opportune moment, discussing what was actually to happen when they approached closer.
As presumptuous as it was, the singer was in a way his responsibility now. He was still hesitant to throw around the word 'guardian' around him, but at a minimum, he was a companion still.
"You know, Ro. I've been thinking. We're halfway through our road trip, right? Or at least we're getting closer." Smokescreen hoped that the human had a better handle on this planet's geography.
"We're in the southwest now…" Now that was a new tone he picked up from the singer, not expecting a nostalgia to resonate in each word he uttered. "We're halfway, I'm sure. I haven't had the best handle on calculating all the distances and stuff. Won't be long until we're in New Mexico, and honestly… we're only going to be two states from Nevada for you."
Smokescreen couldn't help the internal frown. It was not lost on the Autobot that Roland had omitted the primary reason as to why Roland was even out in the roads. Inevitably, if Smokescreen was going to have to reckon with the Autobots at some point, then there was the prospect of Roland's talent show.
"Aight, just wanted to ask." Smokescreen said as he weaved through the traffic, trying to be mindful of the speed limits so as to not catch onlookers' attention. Granted, he knew that the form he bore wasn't exactly going to help matters. "You know, when you mentioned you and your singing, and I still think you're doing fine." The sigh from Roland amused him. "It got me thinking about what we should do when we actually get to… Nevada. Slag, even before that, I got to take you to your talent show thing in Los Angeles, right?"
Unsurprisingly, that threw Roland for quite a loop. His receptors could hear a frightened 'oh god… oh god America's Next Big Star' from under the singer's breath.
"Have you even given that show any thought lately?" He wanted to cackle if he couldn't quite literally chemically sense Roland's anxiety without even so much as a simple scan.
"That's the problem. I haven't even began to fill out application forms… I need to do that once we get to Albuquerque."
It was almost a rather cruel irony that something so mundane could be the very thing that stopped the singer in his very tracks. With the talent show at the forefront of his processors, he wondered exactly what it entailed. The queries were endless. What was it going to imply for Roland? Was he going to hear his human companion in the radio like the singers that Roland so clearly demonstrated an admiration for during their time together? What exactly was this talent show? Thoughts of the future rose in his mind again, with Smokescreen having to come face to face that their companionship together was inevitably going to be a fleeting one. It was a fact that he didn't quite like… but neither was he going to say that out loud.
Strangely, it hurt to even acknowledge it.
"Smokescreen?" He'd been spending too long in a reverie.
"Ah, slag. Sorry." Smokescreen was able to push some of the thoughts away. Primus, maybe this young human was influencing him even with introspections that ran around in circles. "Got to thinking. Dangerous, I know. Was actually meaning to talk to you about the whole talent show thing you wanted to get involved in." It was easier than talking about anything related to Cybertron.
He could sense Roland lean on the steering wheel. This was going to be quite a long conversation, no doubt that they'd probably cross state lines by the end of it all. It wasn't difficult to surmise the silence that came from the human was him also in some form of deep thought. He figured not to needlessly prod, knowing that flustering him at this moment probably was not the wisest idea.
"I… have a lot to say about it. Really it's a matter of deciding where to begin with it." There was a pause. "So, what did you want to ask?"
"What exactly is it about?... Like, what are you going to be doing, Ro?"
He should be getting more used to the silences that emanated from the human, much as it somewhat unnerved him here and there. A part of him wondered if it was better to hold this kind of conversation when he was in true form, better able to ascertain the fascinating quirks about human beings instead of it feeling oddly one sided. Not that Cybertronians weren't also capable of non-verbal communication, but there was something strangely fascinating about the ways humans communicated without even the need for words or verbalizations. Their faces often tell a story on their own without the need of some prodding scan.
He could hear Roland heave a sigh.
"I said a long time ago that it was a fast track to become famous. I haven't said much more beyond that, have I?"
"Nope."
Smokescreen was half-tempted to research it on his own, but he figured that he'd be better set at getting the information from Roland. It also didn't miss his intuition that there was a sense of… embarrassment that emanated from the singer. Well, that's what he would call it, even if the embarrassment didn't make much sense to the Autobot.
"Well… it's that, but it's a pretty involved thing, actually." Was that sorrow he picked up from Roland? He remained silent, predicting that there was more the human would say. "It's a talent show that's really popular in the US. Like… if you want a shot at a record deal, it's the best place to go if you haven't been lucky like I am."
Record deals? Talent shows? He picked up the latter implication, but this was turning out to be another world within this already strange world entirely.
"That's…" Smokescreen uttered through the speakers. "Primus, that's a lot already. So… tell me more. I'm guessing you're competing against other singers, right?"
"Yeah… that's basically the deal. It's a whole process, Smokescreen. I go to LA to audition, wait, hopefully I get picked to be on live television. Then assuming I get lucky to even be in that position… it's like what?... I sing and I'm put up to a public vote every week? I don't know… it is a lot, and it assumes I'm even… I don't wanna go there. But yeah. The whole point of the show is that they put through the whole gauntlet of stardom to find out who the next big pop star is. You have to pass through a lot of hopes, it's like… thousands of people apply but it's only 12 people on live TV per year or something?"
The only thing that Smokescreen was able to gander was that the chances of even making some sort of impact on this show were astronomical. If he wasn't so busy dodging traffic and had he more the aptitude for it, he probably would have the capacity to actually calculate it down to the nth degree. However, Smokescreen wasn't that kind of Autobot, and he figured that it probably wasn't going to help Roland's growing anxiety just by even talking about the show. As much as he wanted to understand, Smokescreen honestly felt more lost in wading through the kind of world that Roland desperately wanted to enter. Maybe one vorn, he would understand. Today just was not going to be that moment for the Autobot.
"Well…" Smokescreen began. "Slag, Ro… I…"
"It's confusing, I know. It confused me too… and I've been watching the show for years, too."
"Can imagine. Now, I'm gonna ask this mostly because I just want to know but… from what I'm gathering, it sounds slagging impossible. You might have to walk me through this whole process once you're actually there." The reality of it was that he wasn't even sure if he could help Roland through that entire process. He didn't want to vocalize it, even though he knew he owed his companion a conversation about what to do in that regard too. "But… I guess, why? Granted it's like me asking why you want to become famous or sing?"
"I've thought about my answer to that question for a lot of years, Smokescreen."
A silence filled the interior for a time, only broken when it was time for Roland needing to pay the relevant tolls or directing him towards the right set of freeways towards the road to New Mexico. Smokescreen thought the conversation was done with when minutes passed, fearing that he'd potentially crossed some sort of faux pas. However, Roland always had the rather strange habit of figuring out things just as they would cross into the threshold of falling for another day.
"Singing is the one thing that always made me… happy." Smokescreen didn't want to disturb Roland with a response back, hearing a certain tone in his voice that seemed to herald some sort of confession. "I looked up to singers that were really famous, as you probably have picked up already. I looked at them when I was a baby and just like my mom… I wanted to be like them so bad. Singing is one of those things here where… you can do it as a career without all of the fame, but the version that I want to do is tied up to a lot of stardom. It's always been a dream of mine to… make it? To not just sing but to produce albums, travel the world… I'm sounding like a fool and I am, but… that's what I want. I know it's… it's a silly dream."
That first part was what he picked up, with Smokescreen knowing there was no way he could force Roland out of wanting to be a singer. As far as the Autobot was concerned, he wouldn't have his human companion any other way. For the rest of what Roland had confessed… he wasn't sure what to respond with, or even so much as a how. His life had been so bound to the endless war with the Decepticons that the prospect of even bearing lifelong dreams, wants, and passions was an alien prospect to the rookie. Well… no, that was something of a lie. He had a dream of being a great soldier to stand alongside the likes of Optimus Prime. Certainly, he had that kind of militaristic aspiration, and as far as he was concerned, he certainly didn't think it wrong to carry those kinds of goals as motivators. More veteran Autobots would have thoughts about his admittedly naïve perspective on such matters, but Smokescreen knew they weren't here. Maybe he could offer some optimism to counteract what he knew would be a likely pessimism from the human being.
"Ro…" he wondered where the sudden hesitation came from. It wasn't that he wanted Roland to completely reject everything that he wanted to say, but there was a gulf in the experiences they both had. He just hoped that he had enough insight and intuition to at least go some way in partially crossing it. "You know there's nothing wrong in wanting to… want, right? Look at me for example. Hot shot Autobot rookie. I've wanted to work for and with Optimus Prime for many cycles. Who didn't, honestly? I… guess what I'm trying to say is. I know I'm not some singer like you. Slag, I don't even wanna imagine how that would sound like," that last comment alone was worth the chuckle that slipped from Roland's mouth. "I don't think it's silly. And even if I did… it's still you, Ro. I'd rather you chase what makes you happy in the end."
If anything, he hoped those words stuck with the human being, at least more than it did for Smokescreen himself. The war's endless longue duree was beginning to wear down on him, and even he wasn't sure how much of this charade of being a hotshot would be able to continue. If to at least give Roland some sense of comfort that things were not quite so hopeless to the war he and his comrades brought to Earth, he would continue to do so.
"That's… the first time in a while that someone… said something like that to me. Smokescreen I…" Roland began, stammering his way through a thought that Smokescreen knew probably wouldn't cohere. Seeing him flustered, even if in a more earnest and sincere manner, was enough for his processor to at least escape those burgeoning thoughts from earlier.
"Don't worry, little dude. I think I've spent enough time around you at this point to get your mind off of things," and if anything, Smokescreen wished there was just a bit more time he could spend with Roland. He'll bring up their inevitable farewell at some point, but he knew that the clock was slowly ticking. "I'm more than just a charmer with good looks."
"Smokescreen, don't even… but seriously, thank you. I've gotten lost in my own head with this singing thing…"
"Which is a habit you really gotta break."
"I do. I really do."
Smokescreen just wished he didn't feel like such a horrible hypocrite by trying to encourage Roland to see the brighter side of things. He wanted Roland to take those dreams into action, even if he himself didn't particularly understand the deeper nuances of what exactly his companion was heading into. Really, he could recognize when someone was heading so deep into their own head that they simply just recede into total inaction.
Crossing into New Mexico wasn't too eventful of an affair. Cognizant as Smokescreen was that he needed to address so many other proverbial elephants in the room with Roland, he was content with simply learning about singing and songwriting from the human. It amused the Autobot that once Roland did find some measure of comfort, it was a topic he couldn't quite escape talking about. The passion in his eyes and in his voice was a sight to behold when he would explain the cadences behind belting techniques or vocal mixing, and how that would sometimes inform songwriting and melodic choices. The explanations themselves felt fairly clumsy, delivered casually in a way that suggested that Roland probably didn't have a lot of formal training.
It wasn't as if Smokescreen himself was particularly well-versed in the finer points of Cybertronian technologies as a comparison. Slag, he figured that he could probably break a lot of humanity's processors by way of some light explanation if he really wanted to get into the more stranger aspects of Cybertronian culture. Still, he let the details wash over him, filing it for later and hoping that they would find some use.
Texan flatlands would eventually turn into the expanse of deserts that marked life in the American southwest. What continually amazed Smokescreen was the vast expanses of land that seemed to stretch into infinitudes, even if he knew from his processors that just days ago, he was in another part of the planet entirely. Really, the biodiversity of Earth was an astounding one to experience, and it was something he could only appreciate without the looming threat of Decepticons on his radar. From his sight, he could pick up just how beautiful and rugged the landscape was, rocks sculpted through more than a millennia of planetary development and movement. There was something to organic life, crafting these astounding peaks that was like nothing he'd ever seen from life in Cybertron. If he was going to think of time in regards to seeing these rock formations jut into the sky, he would have to think about this planet in terms of his own lifespan. He'd probably really need to think about the really older Autobots too.
"Hey, Ro." Smokescreen asked, part to jolt Roland awake and part out of curiosity. He could sense the human falling asleep and also needing food at some point. "Ro. Oy! Bud!"
Now that did the trick, a rather exhausted yelp coming from the human. It probably wasn't the best idea to try and bother slumbering humans, especially given their recharging cycles were more demanding than a Cybertronian's it seemed. However, Smokescreen's curiosity didn't exactly help, and the young Autobot wondered if he should've just let the singer stay asleep until they reached their next stop.
"What is it, Smokescreen?... Doesn't look like we're in Albuquerque yet…"
Maybe he should've let Roland stay asleep after all.
"Ah, frag. Sorry. I just wanted to ask you a question."
"Alright… ask away then."
Smokescreen stayed silent for a few moments, trying to come up with a way to ask the question in his processors without it sounding rather forced.
"So… I got curious about Earth again," At the very least, that seemed to garner some amusement from Roland, who was exhausted enough to the point where he almost laid his head on the steering wheel. He could hear a very soft 'yeah?' as a response. "Trust me, I'm still doing good on the traffic. I haven't crashed us yet. Anyway, just wanted to ask… have you ever been around these parts, Ro? Just askin cause… I haven't seen anything like these deserts or rock formations back in Cybertron. Just wanted to ask if you knew something about them or if this was familiar to you."
The soft hum of confirmation left Smokescreen unsure if Roland was actually conscious enough to actually answer the question, or if his human companion was going to be liable to fall into slumber. However, the very thought of the question was enough to have the singer look awake a little bit more, a silence hanging over the interior.
"I…" Roland began, "I'm… this is probably better saved when we're not in the car, but… to keep it short, I am actually from around this part of the US. Not New Mexico, no. But… the neighboring state over is… where I was actually born. It's kind of like coming home in a way, being back here."
Now that the Autobot didn't expect. Roland still sounded so slagging exhausted even through his explanation. He figured he'd get better answers tonight once they settled down somewhere private in a larger city, instead of risking things in a much larger expanse of wilderness. Smokescreen figured he could probably survive even despite the potential dust, sand, flora, and fauna being potential problems… but Roland was another question entirely.
"Ro, you sound tired. I'll let ya recharge. I'll wake you up once we're in… Albuquerque." Ah, humans and their strange names. "I wanna hear more about your home. Never took you for the type to live out somewhere like here."
He could hear a chuckle and a rather soft 'thank you' before scans indicated that Roland fell asleep once more. It was in this moment that Smokescreen could not have been anymore glad that he chose tinted windows for his alternate form. The last thing he wanted was to come face to face with whoever the authorities were in this planet, knowing it would probably have to be Roland having to explain everything. Not that he didn't trust his companion, but his panic in the face of stress wasn't the most ideal thing to have when talking out a situation. Still, he figured such a thing wouldn't happen, and he carefully weaved through the long stretch of road that was the Interstate 40.
The visit to Albuquerque itself was something of a relief for Smokescreen. It was a nice change of pace from the endless expanse of wilderness and smaller human settlements, and it was also a chance for Roland to gather some food and light supplies for the next segment of the trip. What astounded Smokescreen was that for the progress they were making the past couple of days, there was a soothing sense of the slowness of each moment. Whether that slowness came from simply awaiting Roland's brunch in a drive-through or seeing so many humans just pass by him both in their own automobiles or on-foot. It allowed him the space to begin chronicling some of the oddities and quirks that existed between cities on Earth. Not even just that, but also the different regions too. Cybertronian physiology allowed him to be more used to the increased heat of southwest, but it was still enough that his internal readings detected that this could be quite a danger zone if he found himself in the hands of a threatening Decepticon or perhaps even stranded here in a far more damaged state.
Outside of the more modern developments that Roland needed to shop in to gather food and do his business, what fascinating him more and more were the differing styles of architecture and no doubt the histories that informed why these cities were built in the first place. He would definitely admit to slowing down just a little bit when Roland guided him through Old Town. One of these days, when he had a holoform, and maybe when even the war was over… maybe he'd want to live as humans do for a brief moment, studying some of the Adobe style architecture and maybe even trying some of the food.
It was wishful thinking. They were fleeting fantasies too.
Still, he'd take in the slowness for what it is, much as it also somewhat frustrated him in its own way. He wasn't one to spin his own wheels for so long, yet wasn't this road trip exactly what it was? His busted comms were both a blessing and a curse, with no alarm prodding him to get to where Autobots were in a short amount of time, but that in itself was also the problem. He knew that the time to talk to Roland about this was nigh, he just wished he had a better way of approaching things without his own processors spinning their own wheels into endless circles.
To wind down for the day, they would simply spend time at a secluded section of Sandia Park. The Autobot took care to make sure that they chose a time where there wouldn't be too many people, and enough time in the morning to make progress on what was looking to be the final segments of their road trip together. Roland had already taken care of sending out applications while they were in Albuquerque, utilizing the Autobot as a glorified mobile tower to the human internet.
Now in his true form, something that Roland still wasn't quite used to seeing, the Autobot would seat himself against one of the trees in the hiking trail they both found. He would make sure to position himself so no lucky onlooker would see that there was a giant Cybertronian simply idling about in a park that was only but a half hour away from Albuquerque. In the interim, he would see Roland begin to dig in and eat the fast food that he bought. It made the rookie shudder in regards to the nutritional content, but as long as it fulfilled Roland's dietary needs, he supposed he'd let this slide without no judgment on his part.
"Ro, I gotta ask you about something." Smokescreen figured there was no better time than to disrupt the idle chatter with what he had in mind. He needed to do this now or this would make the inevitable farewell even more awkward. However, the look of concern that Roland sent towards his way made Smokescreen wonder if he was being too forthright without even so much as saying a single word.
"I'm… all ears. You look… very worried. Are you okay?..."
Smokescreen tried to gather the mojo for some version of a sly smile, but his spark wasn't up to such a thing. As impulsive as his thought process could be, his processor just could not square what was going to occur in the next few days, and how his spark began to take in the companionship he was having with Roland. At the very least, he should've been able to admit that he didn't want to be alone just to himself.
"I…" Primus, maybe too much exposure to humans was going to put a dent in the way thought processes work. "I've been thinking, dangerous eh?" Even with that attempt to be light, he could only see Roland approach with even more concern teeming in his eyes and expression. "Yeah I've been… feeling pretty soft. I've been thinking about what's… gonna happen when we reach California, y'know? I mean not just that, but when I get back to my comrades too."
"What… do you mean by that?"
"Well…" where would Smokescreen even begin? "I won't lie, Ro… and you better not tell this to any other 'Bot or primus forbid a 'Con. I… try to maintain an image. But… well, if the past few solar cycles have taught me anything, I actually really like being around ya. I just started thinking… you with your show and when I'm with a team again potentially…" He hadn't expected his voice to lightly waver there in the end.
Much as he knew he should've seen this coming, the price of attachment was something that Smokescreen never truly quite understood. Having chased being a warrior for so long, to build his own legend and renown and sharpen his skills to even have some slight prayer of matching the idealized image of Optimus Prime… it was difficult to forge those kinds of attachments simply because he was so focused on the next thing. In the skies beyond Earth, he knew he had spent eons just simply trying to fight and wander, never once focusing on slowing down. He wanted, no… needed to find 'Cons to destroy, no matter the cost. How could he have a charge to call his own when he didn't even want to slow down to appreciate the finer moments of life?
He had only but a mere taste of it the past few days, albeit one filled with so many stops and slowdowns that he had no doubt an even younger version of himself would've abandoned Roland without a drop of the hat. He realized in this moment that… without the presence of so many Decepticons, this life beyond the war was something he was genuinely considering as a new path. Maybe the life of a protector, of being someone's loyal companion wouldn't be such a bad one.
"Smokescreen…" His mind was pulled out of its own reverie by the invocation of his name. Smokescreen's optics glanced down to see Roland making a slow and tentative approach, reaching for the Autobot so they could at least be physically closer.
The rookie trusted himself enough around organics at this point to at least be cognizant that he wouldn't accidentally squish the human, as horrific as that thought was now. Smokescreen would slowly deposit Roland to his shoulders, hoping that the arrangement itself was actually practical and feasible. As much as he didn't want to treat the singer akin to some incredibly fragile artifact, neither was he willing to chance the prospect of having played a part in an unintentionally gruesome death. The Autobot steadied himself as soon as he felt Roland settle on the surface of his upper shoulder, hoping that there was enough space. He could feel the presence of Roland's hand touching his cheekplates, an action that did cause Smokescreen to come close to grinning.
"I think you have more to say, don't you?" Roland whispered. Well… the singer was right as far as Smokescreen was concerned. "I'll listen… just tell me when you've let out what you need to let out, okay? I… have things to say, but I've spoken enough, especially today."
"You sure are a talker, but that's what I like about ya." The human certainly helped fill the awkward silences of a road trip, but Smokescreen forced his train of thought to continue what he was getting at earlier. "I know we've gotta part ways at some point. I've been thinking… I don't even know who the other Autobots are that could be here, and well… knowing who I was, they'd be surprised that I even made friends with even a single human." As much as he wanted there to be jest regarding that last part, there were too many grains of truth in it. "I just… and you got your thing… I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're the first one in a long time that has made me realize just how much… this whole companionship thing means to me, and I'm gonna miss the whole road trip thing, y'know?"
It was the closest he could get to directly confessing that he wanted this companionship to last and to grow beyond the confines of a few days. He wasn't sure what in the pits led to his spark to start planting the seeds to feel this way about Roland, but granted, he was hardly at liberty to understand the desires of his own.
"Slag, I'm sorry, Ro… I know that's a lot to put on you. All of that to say I'm gonna miss you… fragging mech I am…"
"Smokescreen."
That kind of firm yet gentle tone was one he hadn't really heard from Roland at all. It got his attention, his processors stopping at their proverbial tracks and his helm slowly turning over to become face to face with the singer himself. This was one of those moments where scanning would be useless, Smokescreen's limited experience with humans leaving him unable to read the expression that was on Roland's face.
"I'm not gonna forget you. I've… thought about what would happen if we have to start leading our own lives and… it's… I'm gonna miss you too, a lot. But…" Roland began. "You don't have to worry about… needing time and space to process this all. I've spoken so much about myself I've worried I've lost sight of you. I should've caught this earlier."
"Ro… No, Ro, it's okay. I guess we both have things we gotta spill about each other, huh? Listen, I like hearing to you talk. I wouldn't be so willing to listen to your singing stuff, right? But… it's not your fault. Really it isn't." He was glad that he was able to get a smile out of the singer.
"I just… We're getting closer day by day." Roland continued. "I've been so caught up in the whole talent show thoughts… but, I've never thought of us having to part ways as a goodbye forever, you know?"
"How… so?"
"Think about it, Smokescreen. We humans have to lead our own lives all the time. I can't drag you to the talent show for a lot of reasons, much the same way I'm assuming I can't exactly be fighting alongside you and your team, right?"
"I'm… following. Huh, I'm following. That planted a mental image."
Smokescreen was not sure if he even liked the thought of other Autobots potentially poking fun at Roland for who he is, even if it was done in a more joking manner than any ill intent. As much as he enjoyed Roland's company immensely, it was no secret to him that the singer was not built or even prepared for the kind of life the war entailed. As far as Smokescreen was concerned, he would make sure that Roland would never have to know or even be in the presence of another Decepticon.
"It doesn't mean that we don't stop being a part of each other's lives. Even if we're far apart… I'm not going to forget our rosd trip here. You're the reason why I can even begin to chase my dreams in the first place. I owe you… so much, Smokescreen. Just as I hope you won't forget me, either."
"By primus, Ro, I won't. Really, for the first human I've met, you're a pretty hard one to forget." Smokescreen wanted to joke with the persistent flustering, something he could even see pop as he saw Roland look away in embarrassment. "Seriously, though… you've been a friend to me that feels… different than me being with another 'Bot. I like having a comrade in arms, sure, but… I just like having one where I can be honest, and really call ya a companion."
As much as he thought he would've not enjoyed lifting some of those emotions off his spark, he did come out of it feeling a touch better. Besides, he figured there would still be time to mentally prepare for it, knowing that there was at least a day or two of travel left depending on how slow they went. Maybe a bit of an extension of just wandering about would not hurt… but then he knew that would be going against a directive of urgency.
Another train of thought began for the Autobot. Smokescreen had a feeling he knew where his spark could be heading in regards to the singer. For now, he would simply enjoy the companionship for what it was, one where they were able to meet at this serendipitous middle.
"I'm glad I could be that for you," Roland's voice pulled Smokescreen out of a sudden bout of worry. "Actually, this has me thinking of something… if we're going to keep spilling and be more honest. There's something I need to tell you… cause I have a bit of a favor I'd like to ask of you?"
Now that was a swerve.
"Anything, Ro. What is it?"
"So, if we continue down the interstate, 40 I think… this actually means we're gonna be heading to the city where I was born. I've been thinking about my family since we watched that movie and… I might as well tell you now, but the next state we're heading into is called Arizona. The city is called Flagstaff and I spent… a lot of my childhood there."
Now that put more explanation to what Smokescreen asked of a much more delirious Roland earlier.
"You gonna be okay, Ro? When you were saying all of that…" The Autobot paused there, hoping he wasn't intruding on anything. "If it's too much, we don't gotta go there. I just want you to be okay."
"I… I'll be emotional, but I wanna go…" His breathing became heavy, and scans were detecting some of the signs that were telltale for a human being to become emotional. "I want to tell you the story behind what I remember of my mom, all of it, or at least what I can find. You don't mind if we… stay like a day or two?"
"Not at all, Ro. Not at all."
"Okay… okay. Thank you, Smokescreen."
Smokescreen's faceplates lifted to a gentle smile.
"Ro… it's you I gotta say that to. Thank you for… just being you."
