Morning came much faster than Raven would have liked. It felt like she was trying to fall asleep mere minutes ago and it was already 8.
She woke up to a text from Cyborg that her bathroom was all good and that he was doing some repairs on the bed if she would like to join him.
Deciding it would be good to start her day off with rebuilding, she pulled herself out of bed, threw on some comfy pants and a sweatshirt, and made her way to her room.
"There she is!" Cyborg cheerfully greeted seeing his purple haired friend stumble in.
She mumbled a good morning and plopped herself on the window seat, bringing her legs up to try to fend off the cold that the window was trying to keep out. It was like she was sitting next to an ice wall.
"So," Cyborg started with a clap of his hands, "like I said, the bathroom is all checked out and you can start putting things back as you see fit," he gestured to the few boxes of things that she assumed arrived this morning. "Your mattress should be coming sometime today or tomorrow but parts of your bed need repairs."
She nodded, pulling her hands into her shirt sleeves.
"I know which option you're going to pick, but you are more than welcome to help me with the bed frame if you would like."
"You know me so well." She said with a roll of her eyes and hopped off the ledge, making her way to the boxes by her bathroom door.
Cyborg shook his head amusedly. "Sure, leave the hard work to me."
"It can't be that hard if you're doing it."
A roar of laughter burst out of her metal friend, glad to see she appeared well enough to make snarky remarks. "Girl," he shook his head again, trying to calm himself, "you make me laugh."
She smiled inspite of herself, a warm feeling filled her as she felt genuine happiness coming from her friend, because of her.
Raven took her time replacing and restocking her bathroom. Some of the spilled bottles and lotions had been cleaned up, but there was still spots of sticky liquids that hid in corners and crevices, so cleaning had to happen first. Small shiny pieces of reflections lit up the floor and parts of the counter as well. Parts of the shattered mirror. She was careful in collecting them, minding their razor edges and depositing them in the trash bag left by Cyborg.
She spent the better part of half an hour on the floor scrubbing and sweeping. All that was missing was some song birds and other animal friends to help her.
The air had an interesting combination of smells, coconut, lavender, honey, shea, and cleaner mixing together creating a headache she knew was soon to come, but she worked through it wanting the bathroom to be done.
Besides the music Cyborg had on, bopping his head and swinging his body around, it was silent. She barely registered it and the tap tap tapping of his tools, instead choosing to let her thoughts wander to the past week. How she was now finally starting to pick up the pieces of what was and use them to create what she wants. Just how much love and support she was surrounded with and what all her friends would do for her.
With each scrub she imagined she was cleaning the tained energy that stained her space. With each sweep she was pushing out the unwanted. 'Out! Out!' She repeated in her head.
Sometime later when she was finalizing her work, Starfire came into the room carrying a large box without any signs of strain. It was set down with a thunk and a sheepish smile from the alien. She sometimes didn't realize her strength.
"Oooh, Raaaaven." Cyborg singsonged. "I think I knoooow what this iiiiisss."
Reluctantly leaving the peace that was her almost completed bathroom, she walked over to the two as the box was torn open with more excitement than she deemed was necessary. The final sheets of plastic and bubble packaging being removed, a circular mattress was revealed.
"It is your bed!" Starfire exclaimed joyously. "You can go back to sleeping in your room now!"
Raven looked at Cyborg at the mention of coming back tonight with an unreadable expression.
"Yeah, totally!" Cyborg said, recouping the same amount of enthusiasm as Starfire. "I can get these repairs done by the end of the day and you can be back in here for the night!"
Raven could feel her heart pick up its pace. "What about the door?" She gestured to the door-less frame.
"I can bring one up in a bit." Cyborg answered. "Just wanted to get the big pieces of furniture in before it was put up."
A thousand reasons why she couldn't come back that night raced through her head. It was all so sudden that she hadn't prepared herself to move back in. She hadn't expected the repairs to have been finished so soon, and as much as she had been wanting her own space, she had grown accustomed to being in Robin's room. Institutional yellow colored walls and all.
"It smells." She ended up saying.
The mattress had a very noticeable smell of factory and plastic to it that made their noses wrinkle in displeasure.
"May we not open the window and move it close to it?" Starfire suggested.
"That's a good idea." Cyborg nodded and watched as she slid it to the window as if it were a hockey puck.
Raven watched as things were finally starting to come together, but felt out of her control at the same time. It didn't necessarily bother her that they were moving things around, not really, but that there was no plan they were following. So she created one in her head that no one else knew but her. And things were happening much sooner than she anticipated. She expected another few days, maybe a week until she would be able to safely be back in her room. But now there being talk about her moving back in tonight, that caused her anxiety to peak.
She watched as Starfire giggled sitting upon the new mattress, commenting on how comfortable it was. 'In two, three,"
She watched as Cyborg worked on her bed with a smile, clangs and bangs filling the space with the giggles. 'Hold two, three, four,'
It was too much.
She needed to leave.
'Out, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.'
She left.
Robin was in the kitchen when Raven quickly came in, quiet yet determined steps landed her on one of the bar stools across him at the kitchen island.
"Good morning." He greeted, watching her with an eye of caution, sensing the unsettlment coming from her.
"Morning." She mumbled.
"Did you sleep well?" He asked, flipping the pancakes on the stove.
She shrugged.
He copied her shrug.
While Robin was in the gym mercilessly pounding the bags, Raven decided to give writing in her journal another crack. It wasn't a great time, essentially recounting all that had happened that week, but she had to admit that getting it out somewhere that wasn't a report felt…good.
"I needed a break." She sighed.
Robin nodded. He was going to ask a break from what? That it was only about 10 in the morning, but decided against it and finished the pancakes.
It was silent as Robin cooked and Raven watched. It wasn't until he handed her a plate that she spoke again. "I might be moving back into my room tonight."
"That's exciting!" Robin smiled, happy to hear the news.
She looked up at him and his gaze faltered.
"Not exciting?"
"I'm not sure. I've been anticipating going back, but it feels different."
"What feels different?" He sat down next to her.
"My room." She pushed at her pancakes around with her fork. "It doesn't feel the same. And I know it's not going to right now, but still."
"Yeah, I bet it's pretty daunting."
She nodded, stabbing a hunk of pancake.
"Do you think you'll be going back tonight?" Robin asked after a few minutes.
She heaved a sigh. "I don't know."
"Well," Robin started, "I guess the question is do you want to go back tonight?"
"Yes." A pause. "Not really."
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Can you…can I stay in your room still?" Then rushed to add, "Just for tonight."
"Of course. You can stay as long as you feel like you need to."
"I'm not disturbing you at all?"
"Not necessarily disturbing." He said, reaching for the syrup. "It's a change in my routine for sure, but I'd do whatever to make sure you're comfortable."
She just nodded and slowly munched on her breakfast.
Everyone was stoked about finishing up Raven's room. All but Raven it appeared. The bed was finished around lunch time, Raven finished setting up her bathroom once the towels and washcloths were done being washed and dried, and the floor was given a good cleaning. The door was even finally dragged up from the basement and installed in just a few minutes.
They all stood like proud farmers admiring their field as they looked around Raven's room. There were still boxes of clothes and desk supplies that needed to be put away, but Raven wanted to do that in the privacy of her own person, so they were left unopened.
Some other decorative furniture like a cozy chair, low table for meditation, and the desk chair hadn't arrived yet, but everything else was all set for her to move back in.
"Floors."
"Good." Robin said, inspecting the floor for any gaps or holes they might have missed at Cyborg's checklist.
"Walls."
"Check." Beast Boy mumbled, eyeing a statue warily on her bookshelf that gave him the heebie jeebies.
"Celing."
"The all good." Starfire flew up and thoroughly inspected the ceiling.
"Bed."
"Mm hmm." Raven hummed over by the window.
"Door." Cyborg put his hand on the controls. It opened, and closed, then opened again. He nodded in satisfaction. "It seems like you're all set, girl!"
Raven nodded, looking distractadly out the window, watching people turn on and off their lights across the water like fireflies.
"Well then," Cyborg clasped his hands together with a clang, "that concludes this project. Thank you all for helping, and I bid y'all good night."
A corous of good nights followed him out as the rest gave their goodnights leaving the two birds left.
"I think…I'm going to stay here tonight." Raven mused, eyes still focused on the lights. If she looked hard enough, occasionally she could see the traffic lights.
"Are you sure?" Robin asked concerned.
"I think so. I want to try."
Robin nodded. "Do you want to get some of your things?"
"In a bit."
Robin nodded again, a useless action as her back was turned to him. "I'm going to be in the gym, but you know where to find me if you need anything." He watched her nod in acknowledgement that she heard him and walked out.
Raven got back from getting her things from Robin's room. She didn't expect there to be so much stuff of hers in there, but it saddened her more than she would have liked to admit, packing everything up and leaving. She found a lot of comfort there the past week, with her friend. 'But now it's time to give him his room back.' She told herself.
She was slow with putting everything away. Her bed was first, and after making it and lighting a candle on her nightstand, the familairaty of it eased some of her anxiety. The desk and dresser were different than the ones she originally had, so finding places for things became a bit of a difficulty, but eventually, she found a home for everything.
Taking a moment to admire her room, she decided to shower. It would be nice to be back in her own bathroom. And it was, for the most part. The smells of the shampoo and body wash were like a warm embrace, but in the back of her mind, something kept telling her to check the door. She had closed and locked it, but being back also brought unpleasant feelings and memories that kept her head on a swivel.
'You're ok.' She assured herself. 'You're alone. You're safe. You're safe.'
Getting out of the warm water, she checked the lock again. Locked.
Reaching to grab a towel, she checked it again. Locked.
Bending down to open a drawer, she checked it again. Still locked.
"Calm down." She breathed out.
The lid to the lavender lotion released a comforting smell as she screwed it open, turning away from the mirror as she rubbed it into her body. She realized only after she put them on that she took Robin's pajamas. Standing still for a second, she decided to keep them. Just for the night. She vowed to wash them the next day and return them. But for the moment, she was glad to have them. The tank top was loose and the shorts were a bit flowy on her, but oh so soft.
Walking out of the bathroom as she braided her hair, 'right switch to the middle, left switch to the middle,' she repeated in her mind as she cautiously looked both ways before trekking to her bed, like a truck was going to come out and flatten her to a Raven Pancake.
Not being able to help practically jumping into the covers, halfway expecting something to snatch her before she got there, she sat looking around. Wide violet orbs scanned the room. Every nook and cranny. Eyed every drawer and door. Gazed every shelf and closet.
"Stop it!" She whispered to herself, grabbing the covers and pulling them up to her head. "Nothing is here. You're ok. You're ok. You're ok."
She could feel her warm legs slick with lotion rub against the sheets. Hear the wind that whistled and howled outside against the windows. Smell the scent of the new mattress through the mattress protector and sheets. Taste the mint of the toothpaste. But dared not open her eyes to find out what was there or not.
'You're ok.'
'You're ok. You're ok. You're okYou're okYou're okYou're okYou're okYou're okYou're ok.'
The window creaked.
She shot up.
'No I'm not.'
Before she knew it she found herself knocking on Robin's door.
He answered it and let her in without a work, knowing and understanding why she was there.
Robin led her to the bed where she brought herself with one of her blankets wrapped around her shoulders. He moved to his closet and started to pull back out the items that made up his floor nest when she spoke up, just barely above a whisper. "Actually, can you be up here with me?"
"Are you sure?" Robin asked, concernment and confusion clear in his blue eyes.
She nodded. "I don't want to be by myself. I'm…scared. Really scared."
"Positive?" He asked again, not wanting to scare or potentially hurt her more than she already was.
She nodded again. "Please?"
"Alright." Robin made his way to the side closest to the door, practically as far away from her as possible and as close to the edge of the bed as he could so as to not tumble right off it. "I'm right here. Good night."
"Good night."
