Robin would be lying if he said he wasn't expecting Raven to come back. It was a thought in the back of his mind, but he ignored it. Until, that was, when he started to feel her anxiety. It was slight at first, but gradually built up more and more until he felt like he was going to jump out the window.
She came to his door like a small child who had a bad dream. She had the same nervous scared look on her face as a child would and had a blanket wrapped so tightly around her that if she were a burrito the filling would explode out.
Her request had caught him off guard. He understood where she was coming from and the kind of comfort and security she needed, but it made him nervous. Nervous that he would be too close to her. Nervous that he would accidentally touch her. Nervous that she would feel it and wake up to a panic attack. So he stayed as far away from her as she could, and when he felt her mind even from sleep, he carefully and quietly slid out and remade his nest on the floor right beside her in case she needed anything.
He was on high alert all night. Every rustle of blankets or noise made while she was asleep and he was up and ready. So come morning and he was exhausted. Figuring that she would be fine for the next little bit, he got himself ready and went to the main room to wake up.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Raven grumbled and pulled the blanket over her head, trying to ignore the knocking.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
"Robin! I gotta question to ask!"
She turned over and opened her eyes, wondering why Robin wasn't answering the door when the other side of the bed came up blank. Sitting up and scanning the room, he wasn't there.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.
Heaving a sigh, Raven peeled herself from the bed and dragged on over to the door. It opened with a swish to show a slightly confused Cyborg.
"There you are!" Cyborg exclaimed and sighed in relief. "I was looking for you. I went to bring you some things but you weren't in your room." He took notice of her groggy state and peaked behind her to see the bed showed obvious signs of use. "Did you…sleep in here again?" He asked with suspicion.
"Yeah." Raven brought a hand up to rub her eyes.
"Why? I mean, we finished your room. Is there…something else…going on here."
Raven flushed at the implication he made. "No! No." She undid her braid and let her hair fall over her chest, not wearing a bra and it being a bit chilly. "No. I just, wasn't comfortable and needed some reassurance."
Cyborg couldn't help but raise a brow.
"That's it." She said sternly.
"Alright." He shrugged. "Is Robin in there? I need to talk to him."
She shook her head.
"Well I'm sorry to bother you. Have a good sleep if you go back to bed."
She nodded in acknowledgement and closed the door, made her way to the bathroom and decided to take a bath.
"Hey Rob!"
Robin turned over the back of the couch to see Cyborg walk in.
"Hey." He greeted.
"Listen," Cyborg started, sitting down next to him, "I realized that I never apologized for getting mad at you the other day."
Robin nodded in remembrance.
"I know where you're coming from and how you're respecting Raven's boundaries, but it pains me not knowing what's wrong with her when she's obviously hurting. I'm sorry I exploded on you about that, but it comes from a place of worry."
"No, I completely understand." Robin said. "It worries me not knowing if something's going on either but I also want to keep her trust."
"It just makes me so nervous." Cyborg shook his head. "Like, what if she really was pregnant. What if she went and fought with us and lost the baby, and we wouldn't have known."
Robin would have known, but he didn't say anything.
"And I know she's not, but it's one of the many things I worry about with her. She's so closed off and I don't know what else I can do."
Robin put a hand on his metal shoulder. "There are things we can't possibly know or aren't ever going to know. But really, all we can do is be there and support her in whatever way she needs. She'd tell us if something were really wrong." He said assuring himself more than his friend.
"You really think so?"
He nodded.
The metal Titan took a deep breath in and let it out. "It's not easy being her friend. I feel like her mother always fretting over her." He chuckled. "If I had hair it would be turning gray from this girl."
Robin smiled solemnly. "I feel you man. Boy do I understand."
I couldn't do it.
I've never been so anxious and paranoid being in my own room before. Raven wrote, propped up in her bed.
I couldn't even shower in peace. I kept checking the lock, which I have't generally used, until all this. And I know it was locked, I know that, but I couldn't fight the what if's. What if he was back? What if he was in my room? What if he was coming back for me? I would be vulnerable. I would have nowhere to go.
I tried to sleep here last night, but I couldn't shake it. Every creak and groan of the tower sent my heart racing. The curtains haven't yet arrived which cast odd shadows and images on the walls that felt like they were going to jump right off the walls and get me.
So I left, and went back to Robin's room.
He was patient, which I am thankful for, but I don't want this codependency that I've developed. I don't want to only feel comfortable in his room. I don't want to burden him with being my emotional support. He doesn't need that. And I know he doesn't want it either.
Raven sighed and adjusted herself on her bed, still wet hair sticking to her neck uncomfortably.
I asked him to sleep next to me. And he did. Well, Until I was asleep I'm assuming since he made his place on the floor when I woke up. It felt comforting knowing he was there. Securing. I don't know why I asked him to, but I needed it.
For a while I just laid there and watched him. He was stiffer than Beast Boy's jokes and I could tell he was uncomfortable, but he had a calm air around him too.
I don't know what to do. I'm so tired. I'm so tired.
She closed the journal with a soft thump, placing it on her night stand and settled back into her bed. It still had an odd smell to it, but she had to admit, it was pretty comfortable.
Wanting some more normalcy, Raven put on her uniform. It was her winter one, minus the heavy cloak in place for a regular one, but it felt nice. It was warmer than her regular one, obviously, but she liked the leggings. Maybe she'd ask Robin if they can be made with her regular leotard. She looked down at her cat faced socks and let a small smile shine. A gift from Starfire at some point. She made a face when she first got them but wore them often, hidden by her boots.
She didn't know how long she laid there looking at the different fuzzy faces on her socks, but a knock at the door brought her back. Already knowing who it was, she opened it with her powers.
Robin walked in and not so secretly looked around, happily taking in the sight of her almost completed room. He knew and could feel how anxious it made her not having a place of her own and is glad that she can be back again, not that he was glad to kick her out, but that she has her space again.
"Hey." He greeted, closing the door behind him. Not a gesture he had been accustomed to there as of late.
She nodded and brought her legs to the side.
"So I'm guessing being in here didn't work out well last night?" He asked straightforwardly, moving to sit on the window ledge knowing she would push him off the bed as he was previously in the gym.
"No." She sighed. "It was too uncomfortable. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."
"Eh, it wasn't a request I was expecting," he chuckled awkwardly, "but I want to make sure that you're alright, so," He shrugged.
Raven looked off at one of the walls as they lapsed into silence.
"I like your socks." Robin spoke with a small smile, noticing the orange, white, and black cat faces on her socks. "Very regal."
"Thanks." Raven offered a small slime herself.
"I also like what you did to your room so far." He looked around again, admiring the bookshelves. "You did a good job."
"Thank you, again." She took a moment to admire the shelves too.
"You kept the star lights!" Robin noticed with delight. "I remember picking those out."
Raven flushed slightly at the embarrassment of having such childish lights and was going to make some excuse but settled on telling the truth instead. "Yeah. I think they're quite pretty."
"Can I go and look?" He gestured to the shelves.
She nodded. "Of course."
Robin knew the rules. No touching of anything that could potentially hurt him or cause issues, so he had his hands clasped behind his back, not knowing what those items could be. He took a look at the formal side first, noting how witchy and magical bookstore-y it looked. The sun was currently shining through the window which gave the strands of glass and mirrors a halo type glow and cast spots of light and rainbows across the room.
She had so many plants. There were so many and he was always in awe how they were all alive. He was not one who did well with plants and spotted some of his old ones on the shelves. He was glad to see them thriving but felt a pang of jealousy that they were doing so well in her but not in his room.
Moving to the more personal informal side, he couldn't help but smile. There were all kinds of pictures and memorabilia that he had no idea were so important to her. Little nicknacks and figures gifted to her, rocks and shells found at parks and along the beach, notes of encouragement from him, and pictures. One in particular caught his eye. It was a little girl. Hair long and cascaded down her back, eyes wide and curious yet serious and stern, and a pale sundress. He was about to ask why she had a picture of a seemingly random child when he noticed the red gem on the girl's forehead, then the purple hair. He turned around to Raven and back to the picture.
"What?" Raven eyed him suspiciously.
"Is this you?!" He picked up the picture.
"Give me that!" Raven made a lunge at him but was easily side stepped.
"Oh, it is!" Robin broke out in a genuine smile, never before seeing a picture of his friend as a child. "Look at you! Oh my gosh."
"Stop!"
"That dress." Robin observed, now noticing the embroidered designs and patterns along the bottom and top of the dress.
Raven tried to grab it from him but he held his arm out.
"Let me admire little you. I've not met her before."
She gave him a few moments more.
"I was five then. It was warm that day." She remaninced.
"Yeah?"
"Mm hmm." She nodded. "I was allowed to go outside when it was nice. If I had behaved, which wasn't often."
"So you were a little trouble maker?"
"No. Just a child, under immense emotional neglect and fear. Though, can't say much has changed."
Robin looked back down at the picture, her hands behind her back timidly, almost as if she moved she would get reprimanded. "I think she would be proud of you."
Raven gave him a questioning look, almost identical to the one in his hands.
"I've only known you for a few years, but you've grown so much since then and I know that if I'm proud of you, she would be too." He held the picture for her to take. "Keep making her proud."
Raven took the picture with a mixture of confusion and longing, not thinking of it that way but knowing he was right. She would continue to grow, for her and that little girl. She would make her proud. Safe.
Night fell once again upon the tower and Raven hyped herself up all day for those few hours. She performed another cleansing and spent the day reading, drinking her favorite tea, and was briefly able to meditate. She joined the others for a hearty dinner and managed to shower in peace.
When she stepped out of the bathroom, the same wave of anxiety from the night before crashed over her.
"You know what," she mumbled to herself, "I've had enough of this."
She found herself marching to the evidence room and before she could give it a second thought, she stopped in front of Malchior's book. Standing there for what felt like an hour but was only just a few seconds, she could feel her heart start to run as she opened her mouth.
"You… you don't have any power over me anymore. I won't let you. You're just a book now. I could do many things to you. No one would mourn or rediscover you." She took a deep breath in. "But that wouldn't make me any better than you."
Finished with her one sided confrontation, she went back to her room and slept soundly for the first time in a while.
