A/N: Rating has changed to M… Reviews always appreciate. Everything will work out, but they have some unsorted feelings to work out first.

Chapter Nine


June 27th, 2018

Arizona shook awake, she had woken up from a dream in which Callie's sweet lips were pressed against hers. And it wasn't like at the start of a new relationship where you agonize about each new sensation you imagine before your lips ever even touch. She knew what Callie's lips felt and tasted like, almost to an excruciating level she was aware of every square centimeter of her lips. She knew how her wine stained lips tasted warmer, the tannic taste making her lips slightly less sweet but somehow even more enticing. The bitterness didn't deter Arizona one bit, it contrasted so well with her usually apple sweet lips that the predicted change was always underestimated and somehow always took Arizona by surprise, catching a deep gulp somewhere in her throat. All this to say, when she dreamt of Callie's silk smooth lips all over hers, the sensation was overwhelmingly vivid. Her touch felt so real that she felt as if she could float in her dreamworld forever.

For some reason, she had yet in her waking world to even think of the idea of their lips meeting once again. It was out of the realm of possibility. They were affectionate, sure, and she knew that, but for some reason it never crossed into romance in her mind. But God, as she sat with this feeling of warmth and desire, she was losing the ability to put up a fight.

She shuddered. Man, she needed a cold shower after that dream. The way Callie looked at her in her dream with just pure desire without any of their history holding them back was almost enough for Arizona to lose her mind completely.

She was so glad she had been in her apartment alone. It was too tempting to know how close Callie would be. Here, maybe all this was inconsequential.

She felt warm and hot. There was a subtle tingling starting to creep in her lower abdomen. What she would give to just squeeze her thighs together for any ounce of relief. She scolded herself, this was totally inappropriate. Cold shower, definitely, a cold shower would be much better in this scenario.

A stray hand, just one little touch was too tempting. Stop this. She scolded herself.

She felt so disgusted yet still aroused. That was Callie. Her Callie, the drive her mad and into the depths of hell and back Callie. But, how her lips were so sweet she felt she could burst into flight. No, it wasn't really her lips she felt, but she knew exactly what they felt like, and her subconscious did a pretty identical remake during her sleep.

How could one little touch hurt? She rationed, thinking that all this would be a release of tension, and it didn't matter the source so much as the fact she was wound up like nothing before all from a simple kiss. Callie's kisses were magic, though. They were firework level kisses, the ones that set off little bursts in your stomach at each little sensation. Callie knew the effect she had on Arizona, and God, did she run with it. She had perfected her art of kissing Arizona like a science, and as a true scientist, she came to some pretty airtight conclusions. She knew just how much tongue according to Arizona's mood or knowing exactly when and where to softly nibble on Arizona's lower lip – This was a favorite of Callie's since it always made Arizona whimper under her touch and make her pounce until she got what she so desired.

This is not what she should've been desiring. She knew how Callie made her feel, how could she not remember each little sensation. It drove her mad.

Arizona huffed, stretching her arms out above her head. The pressure was so much and she thought she was about to explode if she allowed her mind to continue.

With a mind of its own, her hand drifted south. This is wrong. She knew, but her hand kept going.

She sucked in a large gulp of air once she felt her fingertips brush over her fabric-clad sex. Just a little more pressure would lead to the release she craved. She shivered. She thought of Callie again, desperately trying to push her out of her mind. She had managed years without allowing herself to think so vividly of the talents of the brunette tongue and fingers, but she was starting to wear down.

She traced up and down her sex, feeling each nerve awaken more and more. She was past the point of turn back, way past.

She began to move her fingers in tandem in small circles around her clitoris. She threw her head back at the feeling.

After a long stressful day or in a slow morning, lazy love making was often on the table. Usually it would start out as innocent as cuddling until one of them got an idea of something more. It was sweet and gentle, careful and loving. But, here, in the moment, Arizona was alone. She felt so painfully alone. She couldn't help but think of a world in which she wasn't alone.

This was a craving, like a primal need. She couldn't make herself stop even if she wanted to. Her speed picked up as she spread her legs apart further. It had gone too far, but at this point she just needed the release. It had to be worth it. She still needed more, her other hand came down to rest upon her upper thigh until it too found enough courage, or rather lack of willpower, to circle her entrance slowly before plunging into herself.

She moaned, picking up the speed as much as she wanted, curling her fingers upward just as she continued rubbing her clit. She panted heavier and heavier.

She could help imaging Callie was there beside her, doing the work for her, that her fingers were Callie's fingers. If she closed her eyes, she almost felt Callie's presence in bed beside her, egging her on as she got closer and closer to the edge.

She dissociated from her hands. They began to pump deeper and harder into herself and the other hand began increasing to a frenzied pace. They aren't her hands. She reminded herself through jumbled thoughts as she almost reached her peak.

She couldn't escape. Callie's lips, Callie's tongue, her fingers, her teeth, her willpower, all invaded her thoughts. She was losing the ability to push them out, and losing the care to try.

And with so much guilt and lust, she climaxed, collapsing into the mattress deeper than she knew possible. She panted for a long time, staring at her ceiling once she finally opened her eyes. Her back felt sweaty against her sleep tank and her sheets. Had she really gotten that worked up over her ex-wife?

She pulled her hand up into her view. This hand was not Callie's hand, those hands didn't belong to her. There was no kidding herself at this point. She knew she had just come to the image of Callie. Some things are way harder to forget when you've done them before. They feel realistic and almost okay.

Arizona knew this, however, wasn't okay. She was dirty. She felt filthy. If she never saw Callie again, it would be too soon. How in the world could she face her again?

She sighed, groaning as she began to sit up. What was wrong with her? She begged for an answer.


"Your wife asked about you." Nicole mentioned as their legal team began flooding out of their boardroom, leaving just the two of them.

Arizona laughed. "Callie is not my wife." She felt a pain hit her heart and a shiver shot down her spine, right through to each and every fingertip. She began to pile her giant stacks of papers and legal documents. Was it written on her face what she had done? She pouted her mouth off to the side.

"Well she asked about you." She said bluntly, although there was a twinge to her tone of amusement. Teasing Arizona was just too easy.

"And what did you tell her?" Arizona asked, flustered for more reasons than one.

"Stop blushing, Robbins." Nicole scolded through a small laugh.

"I'm not blushing. It's inappropriate." She huffed.

"Oh, pull that stick out of your ass, Robbins."

Arizona frowned.

"She asked if you were happy." She stated plainly.

"And what did you say?" She asked shyly, her voice low. She forced the corners of her mouth to say in a frown.

"I said you were annoying." She said flatly.

Arizona sighed. Annoying, she could handle. Her own self-inflicted issues about Callie, maybe not so much.

"Robbins, leave me out of your drama with your ex-wife."

"There is no drama." Arizona said stiffly.

"Sure." Nicole laughed. "At least if you're going to be messy at least let me meddle so I can have some entertainment."

"You are horrible." She scolded Nicole. She sighed, resting her heavy head in her hands.

She couldn't stop thinking about this morning– of what she had done. Now, there was another issue, Callie had asked about her. Callie asked about her. She shivered, it was all getting to be too much. How had everything gotten so tangled?


"Hey, Arizona." Callie greeted civilly as she cornered her in the elevator. Well, cornered to Arizona's perspective.

Arizona smiled politely back, only allowing her eyes to briefly look at the brunette.

It had only been mere hours since Arizona had pretended her fingers weren't solely her own and brought herself to orgasm because of it. And well, civilly in Callie's mind, she couldn't shake the small disapproving words of Addison from the back of her mind.

It was as if Callie had known that her presence to Arizona right now would be the worst thing for her, a heat seeking missile. She wouldn't be able to bear it, and she was really struggling to manage. She had made it almost to noon before seeing Callie's face, and it wasn't nearly enough time to wash away her morning activities.

She felt as if she could vomit right on the spot. The acts she had committed this morning while thoughts and memories of her ex-wife danced through her brain and into her fingertips was too much to bear. The guilt ate away at her, how had she let herself give in to the desires of her flat-out horniness? She roped Callie's memory into an experience she had no say in being a part of. She felt so wrong and so dirty.

She puffed up her cheeks as if she was about to be ill, to her knowledge, she was.

"I saw you are doing a TTTS later. I've never seen you do one, I'll try to swing by the gallery." Callie tried making conversation, she smiled a crooked, stiff smile.

Arizona nodded, biting her lip as if that would keep all of her secrets in.

Callie scowled slightly at the nonresponse she received. "Anyway," She proceeded. "Are you coming over tonight? Sofia wanted to help make enchiladas with me so I was thinking it could be fun if–"

Stop talking, Callie. She pleaded in her own mind. She nodded politely, but completely had Callie tuned out.

"So?" Callie asked.

"Hm?" Arizona lifted her head, hearing Callie for the first time in at least a few sentences. Callie just didn't seem to shut up this morning, and this elevator seemed to always move so slow when they were in it together. The universe was punishing her. It was as if the space time continuum itself was distorting whenever they were near each other, they both felt it.

"Okay, what's wrong?" Callie asked, letting out a frustrated sigh.

"Wrong? Nothing!" Arizona laughed too hard.

Callie raised her eyebrow at her and Arizona got saved by the bell, she shot out of the elevator, but Callie followed right behind as they started aimlessly wandering the halls.

"Arizona." She scolded.

"Callie." She raised her eyebrows at her ex-wife. "I'm really busy, we can talk later." She put her chart down at the nurses station and started acting like she had something urgent to attend to.

"This is the floor I hit the button for." She laughed.

Arizona cracked. "You asked about me." She blurted out. Yeah, that works.

"What?" She scrunched her eyebrows. Truly, nothing rang a bell.

"Nicole." She said seriously. "You asked her about me." Well, that certainly is better than Hey, I masturbated while thinking about you this morning, super fun, I thought you should know.

"Am I not allowed to?" She asked defensively.

"No, you're not." Arizona scoffed. She picked up her chart and started walking again. It was easier to be pissed off than remorseful and embarrassed, that's for sure.

Callie rolled her eyes, racing after Arizona.

"Why did you do that?" Arizona asked, waving her arms around.

"Arizona, God, slow down!" She whisper yelled as she caught up to her.

Arizona kept walking at a brisk tempo.

"Arizona, come on." Callie got her attention, reaching out and pulling at her arm toward a bench in a hallway. "Can we sit?" She asked slightly out of breath from chasing her ex-wife around the ortho floor.

Arizona begrudgingly sat down but stared straight in front of her. If she looked in Callie's eyes, she knew Callie would know all that she had done.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay." Callie said solemnly.

Arizona scoffed. "Callie, it's not your place to worry about me."

"I know!' Callie shook her head and furrowed her brows. That wasn't really the part Callie was worried about when it came to her ex-wife.

"Callie, please." Arizona begged. She was telling herself. Callie is not hers, and she is not Callie's. She needed to really hear that too.

"I'm sorry." She said plainly, but right behind her eyes she felt like a jealous monster waiting to erupt for what she thought she knew Arizona had done.

"Alright then." Arizona stood up quickly. She needed the interaction to be over, she needed space from Callie.

She paused in the air slightly. "I can't make it tonight for uh, enchiladas, or whatever." she whispered, an echo of pain lined her voice that was so subtle anyone but Callie wouldn't be able to detect anything wrong in the slightest.

Callie was left there alone on the bench with nothing but her thoughts and the image of the blonde head quickly turning a corner. Neither of them knew the conversation that had just transpired, but both of them were pretty sure they were not having the same conversation in the slightest.


The leather of the bar stool creaked under Arizona as she fidgeted, shifting her weight side to side.

"Will you sit still?" Nicole said with a tremendous quirk to her face.

"Why are we here, Nicole?" Arizona groaned, slumping over the bar.

"God, loosen up, Robbins." Nicole said with a frown. She motioned over to the bartender for another drink. "We're having fun!"

Arizona forced a little smile, she tried to lighten up.

"Oh, no." Arionza frowned when the bartender placed a drink in front of each of them. "I didn't order another."

"I know." An unknown, feminine voice spoke, right next to Arizona's ear. "I did."

Arizona forced a grin that didn't reach her eyes. She never smiled so hard as when she did with Callie.

"And you assumed a margarita?" Arizona squinted.

"Did I guess right?" She said with a hopeful smirk.

"Who doesn't love good tequila?" She said, trying to seem peppy, but her voice was rather distant.

"I'm sorry?" She frowned.

"I'm sorry, she's a little occupied with another woman." Nicole said politely to the brunette stranger, she turned around and walked away sadly.

Arizona sighed before taking a sip.

"Are you sure you should still be holding out for her?" Nicole said slyly.

"Hmm?" Arizona whipped her head back toward Nicole.

Arizona bit her lip and looked down.

"You're thinking about how she asked about you, huh?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." She lied. She knew exactly what, or rather who, Nicole was talking about. She was already on her mind.

"It's not like other women aren't interested in you as well." Nicole said sing-songily.

"Callie is not…" The thought consumed her. Shit. "No, you know what?" Arizona stood up with her gifted drink in her hand.

"Yes?" Nicole said excitedly.

In this tipsy haze, everything felt like it just might work out perfectly. She knew in her heart where she was meant to be, and maybe that was truly coming to fruition. Maybe all of this mess will sort itself out and she'll allow herself to be truly happy.

"Let's dance! We're not getting any younger." She asked with the slightest slur.

"That's the spirit." Nicole laughed.

Arizona stuck her arm out and led Nicole to the tiniest of open space in the center of the bar.

It was nice to let loose, trying to forget everything and just relax. Somewhere she had no responsibility and no purpose. In this moment, she wasn't a doctor, a mother, she wasn't battling internally about a woman who broke her heart more times than she could count.

But, she always came back to her. She missed her favorite dance partner. She couldn't describe how much more real life felt and how much more alive she felt with Callie by her side.

Later that night, they shared a taxi as they returned to their respective apartments. Arizona thought briefly about returning to Callie's home, but that thought came and went in a blur. She was exhausted and tipsy. Truthfully, she was worried about what she might do if she was alone in a room with Callie. After everything she had been feeling, how everything bubbled up inside her, she needed to make sure she was alone that night.


June 28th, 2018

The next morning Callie couldn't focus, she didn't remember how much sleep she got last night but it wasn't enough. She just laid awake thinking at any moment Arizona would knock on her door as she did basically every night. She knew how the night would've played out, they would share a drink, chat about their days, maybe cuddle a little if the alcohol was boosting their confidence enough. She knew Arizona was going to a bar, so maybe she would've been a little drunk. Callie imagined how Arizona would act and as she waited for Arizona to come home to no success, she smiled hopefully at the weirdly endearing sight.

"You're mangling your scone." Addison pointed out. The two of them had met early that morning for coffee and breakfast, finding a small drafty cafe by the hospital.

"Oh, what?" Callie shook herself out of her daydream, looking down and realizing the crumbles of her former scone.

Addison placed her fork down onto her little ornate plate and tilted her head at her friend. "Okay, what's wrong?"

"Arizona didn't come home last night." She blurted out, unable to help herself.

Addision rolled her head back. "Callie…"

Callie held her finger up, "Look she was being weird yesterday, I need at least one of you in my corner."

She squeezed her fist again, a few more morsels spilled from her palm.

"Well, she has an apartment here, doesn't she?" Addison asked calmly, deciding to put away her less than rosy opinion on how buddy buddy Callie was getting to Arizona.

"I guess, but I just can't stop thinking about…" She drifted off as her brain caught up with her mouth before pulling her sentence to a halt.

"About?" Addison cued, leaning forward.

Callie pouted and looked around the room, she couldn't say it out loud. It was eating away at her, and then another part of her was punishing herself for even entertaining the idea, while another part was scolding herself for caring in the first place.

Her brain was so shrouded in images of Arizona sleeping with other women. Countless other women. Yes, all that Callie had conjured up herself, but she was convinced it was reality.

"I can't," she sighed heavily. "It's not right. It's not my place." Just as Arizona told her just yesterday.

Addison nodded, just as she was opening her mouth.

"Why are you so against me having a pleasant relationship with Arizona again?" She spurted out.

Addison contorted her eyebrows.

Callie tilted her head back in response, before taking a languid sip of her coffee.

"Is it just a pleasant relationship or is it more than that?" Addison asked softly.

"Would it really matter?" Callie asked with a small dreamily smile conflated with the uneasy feeling in her stomach.

"Look, Callie." She sighed. "You two have so much history, and I can't bear the idea of you getting hurt again."

"Why do you think I would get hurt again?" She questions.

"I just don't want the possibility of it. Callie," she huffed, unable to get her tongue to work how she wanted it, "You were just freaking out about the idea of Arizona taking another woman home."

Callie stuttered. "Well, Addison–"

"Is that not what you were thinking?" She challenged.

"Well, I guess–"

"Are you listening?" Addison waved her hand in front of Callie's field of view.

"Hm?" Callie shrugged, she was distracted anyway, all she could think about was the potential image of the blonde dragging some rando back to her apartment.

It's not my place. She tried to remind herself.

"I don't want to see you get hurt." She sighed. "That's all."

"I can take care of myself." She said softly. "I know what I'm doing."

"What if–"

"I know, Addison, and I appreciate your concern," she forced out, "but, I know what I'm doing, and I know who I am and I know who she is."


Arizona was smiling. She was smiling and she was giggling, helplesslessly, pathetically giggling. Annoyingly giggling.

Callie had to face the music. Arizona was a grown woman, a grown single woman. She was allowed to sleep with people. But that didn't mean it didn't drive Callie almost to the point of insanity, her resolve was cracking.

She woke up picturing it.

Callie couldn't stop imagining it. Arizona taking off another woman's clothes and running her hands all up and down her body. It drove her mad, and that's what her mind was so locked on that she didn't see the pure guilt in her eyes when Arizona had finally turned to look at her.

She was going to have to face the music, and that music's name was Arizona Robbins.

One more giggle, and all of Callie's composure shattered.

She walked over to Arizona as confidently as she could. She felt hot and dizzy. "We need to talk." Callie said stiffly. She was so sick of this feeling, of sitting in the unknown and of watching it play out in front of her eyes.

Yes, she was being impulsive and irrational and jealous, but she couldn't help it. And all that emotion had boiled over into her making a scene.

Arizona raised her eyebrow.

"Come on." Callie said flatly before turning on her heel to head toward her office.

Arizona followed, confused, she slowly shut the door behind herself once they arrived at her office.

Callie sat down on her couch with a big sigh. She kept her eyes on the floor, she couldn't bring herself to look at Arizona while she said what she was about to say.

"Am I in trouble?" Arizona laughed awkwardly. She walked closer and sat hesitantly far from Callie, placing her purse gently down next to her.

Callie shot Arizona a warning glare.

"I am?" Arizona tilted her head forward.

Callie sighed and smiled awkwardly. "Arizona…" Callie let her head fall in her hands.

Arizona watched intently as Callie's face. How could she have possibly known what Arizona had done just the other day to her memory?

"Did you…" Her voice was squeakier than she wanted, but she needed to get out what she had to say. "Did you sleep with someone?" She looked up with a pale face.

Arizona paused for a moment with her mouth agape. She scrunched her face before slowly spelling out, "Your scary 'we need to talk' was about my sex life?" Her voice was so low and incredulous, it felt almost accusatory as if she knew exactly why Callie was asking what she was.

Callie raised her eyebrow incredulously. "Arizona." She said in a suspicious tone. "You didn't come home that night." She whispered.

"I did go home, Callie, I didn't go to your apartment." She punctuated.

Callie's eyeline dropped, she lost her breath. Her chest instantly felt hollow as if to the point of sheer collapse.

"Why does it matter to you if I did?" Arizona asked curiously with only a hint of indignation in her voice.

Callie opened her mouth to say something but she couldn't build any thought enough to speak it into existence. She huffed softly. "Well if you're flirting right in front of me with other people at my place of work, it's inappropriate." Callie said, grasping at straws of her argument. Even in her own brain, she knew her reasoning was at best faulty and at worst completely obsessive and jealous.

"What is going on with you?" She rationed, taking a step closer to Callie, her eyes squinted.

"You were just flirting at work with these random women! I can at least be offended by your standards." She struck below the belt.

"Callie, you're out of line." She shook her head.

"Maybe I am." She sighed.

"Maybe? You're interrogating me about sex life!" Arizona stood up. "You know, I'm just gonna go, we can try to forget that this all just happened." She sighed, beginning to walk towards the door.

"Wait." Callie begged.

Arizona whipped her head around, she raised an eyebrow at Callie.

"I'm sorry." She said meekly.

"You're making this so hard, Callie." She sighed wearily. Despite everything, she still felt so indescribably pulled toward this woman she had built a life with.

"Why?" She asked quickly. "Why does it have to be hard?" She challenged.

Arizona paused, she squeezed her eyes shut and tried to steady her breath. "Do you know what Sofia told me?"

Callie shook her head slowly, hesitant.

"She said I wished I lived there with you."

Callie tried to hide the smile creeping onto her face. She paused. "Would that really be so bad?"

"Callie." She scolded under her breath. She looked away, not being able to look her in the eye without feeling like she was going to melt immediately.

Callie continued to look at her with pleading eyes despite her reaction.

"I can't do that." She sighed. "You know I can't do that." She gulped. "It's not right, we can't be thinking that your apartment is my apartment. We can't be thinking our lives are blurring together again."

Callie walked closer to which Arizona held up her hand as if to hold her back. "Would that really be so bad?" She repeated.

"Callie." She whimpered with a breathy and high pitched cry. "You know we can't."

Callie tilted her head to the side sadly.

"We can't risk hurting each other again." Her heart broke having to say that.

They paused for a moment, staring at each other.

She scoffed. "What the hell were you thinking?"

She dropped her head forward. "I guess you're right."

"What'd you say?" Arizona wanted to hear her say it again.

"You're right." She forced through gritted teeth but a wry smile. "I'm sorry."

"Yes, I am right." Arizona nodded proudly.

"That's what you heard from that?"

"Hey, you were just questioning me about my sex life." She scolded, laughing rawly.

"Stop laughing, please, it's just making me feel worse."

"Callie, this was silly and so, so out of line." She scolded. "My business, especially my private personal business isn't anything of your concern."

Callie was silent.

"Exactly." Arizona pouted sadly. Maybe this wouldn't be so easy after all.

"I'm sorry." Callie said softly.

Arizona sighed. She picked up her purse and started walking toward the door. She turned back hesitantly for a second.

"Cal?" She asked softly, her voice shook. She puckered her lips trying to stop herself.

Callie picked her head up sadly from the couch.

"If we're just being totally inappropriate between the two of us," her voice was weak and scared, "Did you, uh, ever sleep with Wesley?"

Callie couldn't help but laugh. "Never." she smiled out of shock.

Arizona sighed a sigh of relief, she bit her bottom lip to stop the smile from creeping over her face. Thank God. She thought.

"Alright then." Arizona nodded. "Goodbye, Callie."

Something fluttered as she walked out the door and down the hallway. There was a little extra pep in her step despite feeling horribly about Callie being upset and a giant weight off of her shoulders.