Chapter Eleven
July 5th, 2018
Callie woke up the next day with a smile on her face. When her feet landed on the floor she felt as if she was walking on air. She practically danced her way through her entire morning routine, although she rushed so she could make her way downstairs as quickly as possible.
Arizona had agreed to spend the night but insisted they slept separately. Callie was saddened by the cold sheets beside her when she woke up, knowing just downstairs was someone who was plenty good and used to being snuggled up in Callie's bed.
She felt herself accepting her feelings more so and let herself admit she was excited to see her ex-wife again this morning. They were getting closer at least, and all in all, that is everything Callie could hope for. It was all she would need to be happy. But they had kissed. Not on the forehead or cheek anymore, it was just a lingering hug they could brush off, they kissed rawly and desperately. She felt Arizona's soft lips once on her and how she sighed just a little before reconnecting their mouths.
She wanted to let herself melt completely into Arizona. To let her soul leave her body and touch Arizona's. Deep down she knew, if she let that happen, they would fall completely and there would be no return.
Maybe it wasn't anything at all to Arizona. Old habits die hard, but Arizona was her favorite habit. It didn't cross her mind, however, that there was a possibility it was a mistake and instead it was meant to fizzle out. It was hard for Callie not to get ahead of herself. She was daydreaming as she started a brew of coffee, she tried to occupy herself before jumping at Arizona and possibly overwhelming her.
She knew Arizona would be more resistant, and without meaning to, she reverted to being far more cautious around Callie.
She danced anxiously around the kitchen. Her fingertips tapped the counter below her as she unconsciously bit her lip as her mind raced.
Arizona had gotten so hard to read, and even if Callie thought she knew what Arizona was feeling she would deny it or do the opposite of her feelings just to spite her.
It was an internal battle to stop all the daydreaming. She knew all of the things she had been unconsciously dreaming over–white dresses and pretty flowers for one–would be far too much. She couldn't help but smile as she prepared a small breakfast for her family. She hoped she would be so lucky as to be able to do this every morning for the rest of her life. But for now, she'd take all the days she gets.
Maybe this would only be a one time thing. Maybe this little fling they've found themselves in isn't meant to last in the long run. They were able to find each other just as easily as they managed to let the other slip away, and so far, every time they had gotten together, it fell through. It felt like more than fate.
In the next room over, Arizona was experiencing more conflict. She couldn't believe what she had let herself do, what she had let Callie do. She laid on her back and willingly let the experience wash over her.
She genuinely believed this would not be wise for either of them, it was growing harder to dream of a realistic future for them that didn't have tremendous pain. Maybe that is always how their story would play out. She thought she had turned a corner, that she had relaxed just enough to maybe let herself have her happy ending in whatever form that may be.
Callie might've turned a corner, but Arizona's mind quickly discouraged her from taking that leap. She desperately tried to tighten her hold on the past, it might lessen the blow when it inevitably blows or the next time I hurt us, she thought with a relaxed sigh. She knew it was unwise. She knew it was irresponsible.
She knew it was irresistible.
She couldn't stop thinking of that woman she used to be. The woman Callie fell in love with in the first place, the woman she lost, and the woman she wanted desperately to return. There were fragments of that woman, but she was so much more. She was different and what if Callie decided she didn't like that new part if she truly let her in again?
In the years they had spent apart, Arizona no longer missed that woman she was. Every now and then pieces of her shined through, but instead of it feeling like an old self returning, it just felt like another layer of complexity of who she is.
Callie was one of those complexities. As she desperately tried to distance herself from who she once was, when old remnants peaked through, she saw Callie. She had weaved her way into the very fabric of her being. She hated that she began to miss that old version of herself, it was the version Callie loved unconditionally, but she wasn't fully that person anymore.
She did not regret the events that happened the night before. In fact, she had spent hours after the fact agonizing over every beautiful detail. She shut her eyes and replayed every sensation trying to reassure herself it was all real. Callie had kissed her. Her lips were so soft and they tasted like everything she dreamed of. Her shampoo smelled even more fragrant so deliciously close to her.
She wished she could live in those moments forever; the moments without responsibility or obligation. The moments she felt drowned out the rest of the world and it was just the two of them. It were the moments she felt invincible if just Callie was by her side.
It was all a daydream. It was unrealistic and the dream of it turning into more couldn't penetrate into Arizona's doubtful mind. Everything was too cloudy.
Her mind rushed elsewhere. There was too much on her plate to think about kissing Callie again. It wouldn't be the wise thing to do. Callie and Arizona had a hard time always picking the morally righteous path over the path that led them together. Arizona didn't just have her conscience to fight with. She was an adult with countless responsibilities, one of which loomed over all of them. They had needed to put a deposit down on the New Jersey site by tomorrow, Friday, if that's what they decided.
She had to decide the fate of her family by tomorrow.
Needless to say, that was eating away at her so much that it distracted her a bit from the silky soft sheets below her and the knowledge of her ex-wife in the next room. She had heard Callie's footsteps as she walked down the stairs and listened as she paced back and forth. She couldn't help but crack the smallest smile. She had gotten so used to silence in the morning that it was nice to hear the familiar sounds reverberating through the floorboards.
Despite her hesitation, she needed to see Callie's face for she knew that would bring her peace above all else.
She opened the door slowly and quietly made her way into the kitchen. She watched Callie move around the kitchen without noticing her. She looked just as she did when they were married and happy. Callie always insisted they ate breakfast all together and she loved to provide for her family in that way.
Arizona smiled softly and smally. Her dimples barely indented in her cheeks but her eyes smiled genuinely.
"Hey!" Callie said with a smile once she saw Arizona emerge from her room.
Arizona smiled back to return the greeting. She didn't know what to say. There was an aching in her chest. It was that she would be giving up with the center.
Callie's smile was so big and genuine it made Arizona melt on the spot.
Arizona's smile turned more solemn and she walked over to Callie and, on her tiptoes, placed a light kiss on Callie's temple.
She didn't want that to be goodbye, she didn't want to give Callie up. She didn't want to give up her professional goals either. Who knew if what was happening with Callie was even serious, yet she was debating back and forth whether it was worth it to lose the center for her.
Her expression dissuaded Callie from pushing things more. She looked so stiff and tense. She wished to be able to take all that stress and discomfort from her and to just hold her in her arms whispering sweet nothings in her ear.
"Are you okay?" Callie asked, rubbing Arizona's back softly.
Arizona nodded slightly. She sighed and let herself melt into Callie. Her head found its place in the crook of Callie's neck. "I'm okay." And truthfully, in this moment, with Callie, she was.
Callie got her wish and she held Arizona tightly in her arms, swaying gently back and forth.
"You're thinking about the clinic?" Callie asked softly, before kissing the tousled blonde locks that stood up messily from sleep.
"Maybe." Arizona groaned into Callie's neck. She could feel the heat of Callie's skin and she could barely hear Callie's heartbeat. She squeezed her eyes tightly and listened to the gentle thudding and let it trance her.
Callie brushed through the tangled locks with her fingers. She looked down at Arizona's face. It was all squished on the top of her chest. She looked pained yet peaceful. She looked so conflicted and yet it felt like Callie couldn't fully see her at all.
"Is this where Sofia gets her messy hair from?" Callie asked softly with a raise of an eyebrow. All she wanted was to make Arizona feel better, and she wasn't confident in her ability to do that anymore.
Arizona giggled though it was muffled on Callie's chest.
Callie knew everything wasn't quite right. She could hear the gears turning in her head. She tried to soothe her in any way she could without freaking her out.
Arizona focused on Callie's heartbeat again. She wasn't listening to clinical heart sounds, paying attention to any discrepancy. All she heard was the heartbeat that helped her through so many hard times.
When there was no heartbeat with their second baby, Arizona grew rather obsessed with making sure she could hear Callie's. When she laid awake not being able to sleep, she always placed her head on Callie's chest. When she started to feel overwhelmed she pulled herself to Callie's chest and let herself focus on that sound.
So, with Callie's heart, she didn't hear the lub dub of the heart's valves. She heard Callie's patience and support. She was able to get that without asking for it, which had gotten harder after the plane crash.
Callie's heartbeat was clarifying. She thought over her options with the clinic. Her mind bounced back and forth. She knew she had to choose.
This heart didn't beat for her anymore. She needed to find how she can stand on her own before calling a heart to call her own. Maybe that was the clinic. Maybe in time they would find each other again.
She pulled herself away from Callie.
"What are you thinking?" Callie asked with a small tilt of her head.
"I think little miss better get up soon or I'm going to eat all those pancakes." She forced a smile on her face.
Right on cue, little feet pitter pattered down the stairs.
Arizona spent that morning trying to revel in it. If she went through with the clinic in New Jersey, everything would change with her family.
Arizona would be able to do what she's been working toward for years, to take care of women and babies. Partially, in the way she was unable to do with her own, and maybe in a way that would save other babies like Sofia. That would be a reason to go.
Sofia giggled and smiled so much more with both of her mothers there. Her laugh was contagious. It sounded just like her mothers. The way she did it lit up the room. That would be a reason to stay.
The way Callie looked at Arizona, just like she did when they were first girlfriends, was terrifying and tempting. She couldn't tell which way this tipped the scale.
It was all too much to think about. She wanted to retreat into Callie. Life with Callie here, meaning fleeing from her responsibilities. She knew she would be happy with Callie. She knew she could be satisfied and perfectly content.
However, in a way it would be giving up another thing just to get hurt again. She wouldn't be able to take that.
Arizona genuinely thought she was doing the righteous thing. She felt sad, but sound in her decision.
July 6th, 2018
It had been done.
The previous day she spent hours running back and forth scenarios in her head. She wasn't sure there was a right answer, or if she would've found it on her own.
She had thought a lot about what her dreams meant, what her dreams were in the first place.
It was fear that ultimately decided for her. Fear of getting hurt again. She was terrified of letting Callie in just enough and to have her heart torn out of her chest one final time. She knew she wouldn't be able to take another loss like that.
Walking on the verge of running through the hospital, she still only thought of her. It was her own mess and here she was running to Callie to try to fix it. It didn't feel like there was a fix. She had made her choice.
She felt deluded and was ready to pound her head against the wall.
The handle to Callie's office felt freezing cold. It shocked her, but not enough to prevent Arizona from running to who she felt safest with.
Arizona sighed loudly as she rested her back on the door to Callie's office once she closed herself inside.
"Hey." Callie perked up with a cautious smile. She rolled her chair away from the desk and toward her ex-wife. She immediately felt the need to rush up and comfort her, but she forced herself to refrain.
"How'd it go?" Callie asked, already getting a read based off of Arizona's expression.
Arizona folded her lip under her teeth and sighed, laughing at herself ever so slightly. She squeezed her eyes tightly and balled her fists by her side.
Callie waited patiently with a sympathetic expression. She wanted all this to go away. She wanted to see her smile again, the dangerously large smile.
"I could say I was coerced, or Nicole pressured me, but…" She sighed. "That's not true."
"Hey, come here." Callie whispered, she motioned over to her desk.
Arizona pouted and went to lift herself onto Callie's desk. She could feel Callie's heat with the proximity.
Callie rubbed comfortingly up and down Arizona's leg.
"It's not true, I just agreed to it." She hung her head. Her eyes looked so sad.
Callie smiled sadly, reaching up with her other hand to hold Arizona's gently in hers.
Sometimes Arizona's found Callie's eyes too much. It felt invasive and overwhelming how easily she felt on display to her. It had been like that since Callie picked her and Sofia up from the airport and since they were together in Seattle. Sometimes it was beautiful and easy. She didn't have to utter a word for the love of her life to understand her perfectly. Others, it felt like she could shatter if Callie looked at her with pity one more time, or tried to project onto her.
"I signed off on the New Jersey plot." She said sadly.
"That's awesome, Arizona." Callie said genuinely, having to crack through a genuine sadness in her voice.
Arizona pouted.
"Why don't you seem happy, then?" Callie asked knowingly. She rested her hand on Arizona's knee and squeezed it gently.
Callie's eyes weren't overwhelming right now. They were too tempting. It would be so easy to fall into Callie's arms, to fall apart completely. After everything they've been through and everything Callie put her through, she couldn't let herself do that. Something always was in the way of reconciliation and forgiveness.
Arizona squeezed her eyes and looked away before she completely cracked.
"I know, I know I chose this." She rubbed her forehead. "You can save the 'I told you so,' that's all I've been thinking about." She leaned backward, further away from Callie.
"That's not what I was going to say." Callie said softly.
"Sure, what you were going to say is that 'It's a good site, it has everything, you'll be saving more people.'" She predicted, saying a forced higher pitched voice. She was picking a fight. It was easier than facing her own decision.
"That is not how–" Callie exclaimed. She shook her head, getting refocused. "Arizona–"
"Next, you're gonna be all–"
"Arizona!" She shouted with her hands tensed up in front of her. "Why do you keep saying that?" She asked with a soft voice and a more than sincere look in her eyes.
Arizona bit her lip.
"Arizona." She grabbed both of her hands in hers and forced her to look at her. "I'm on your side. Will you stop fighting me?" She asked sadly.
Arizona froze, her heart sinking in her chest.
"I am here for you." She said flatly and softly. "I always will be." She added in a whisper, she stroked her finger with the details of Arizona's hand. She let herself be mesmerized by the sensation she had memorized many moons ago.
"I'm being selfish." She whimpered, shaking her head.
"You're not." Callie reassured assertively.
Arizona sent her a frown. "What about Sofia?" She sighed.
"It's okay." She rubbed her leg up and down comfortingly. "We'll figure it out just like we always do."
"I moved out here for her, I'm just moving again?" She cried. Arizona sighed again. Something told her the two of them haven't always been the best at figuring things out in the healthiest way.
Callie stood up, pulling Arizona into her hug, kissing the top of her and reveling in that Arizona scent. Callie could help, this could work, everything would be fine.
Arizona finally lifted up her head to meet Callie's attentive to the point of intrusive gaze.
"You'll go save so many lives and do what you've worked so hard for. Sofia and I will still be here."
Arizona sighed. "She'll be here?" She questioned. She felt herself close up. She felt herself back on the stand. She wouldn't be able to handle defending her right to motherhood one more time.
Callie opened her mouth to begin her frantic backpedaling. "No, no, I mean, uh, I mean she'll be in New York or with you and an hour isn't so bad–" She pulled back and rested her arm around her shoulder.
"An hour, Callie! What, we'll trade Sofia every week again?" Arizona sniffled.
"Whatever happens will be okay." Callie tried to be reassuring but in truth it just annoyed Arizona at this exact moment. "We can do it, and Sofia will be okay."
"No, Callie." Arizona said strictly. She looked up without a tear in her eye. This person, this confidence, the oozing of love and affection was too much. She couldn't give it up. What had she done?
Callie examined each part of her expression, her "stoic" look, when in fact she looked like she could fall apart at any moment. "What is it, Arizona?" Callie asked softly. Holding Arizona's cheeks in between her palms.
Arizona slightly rolled her eyes, embarrassed to be truthful as it would mean there was an opportunity to be hurt again. "I don't want to leave you." She whispered finally.
Callie's heart melted and she sighed with such relief. "It could still work." Callie swallowed her desire.
Arizona looked questioningly at Callie.
"I swear." She let out a soft chuckle. It was at that moment that she realized how close she was holding Arizona in her hands. Her cheeks felt so warm and soft against Callie's palms.
"Callie, you're not listening." She pouted. "I don't want to be trading our daughter back and forth. We did that already and I could not do that again."
"Arizona." Callie sighed, breathing in so deeply hoping as if Arizona would relax enough into unconsciously breathing a steady pattern with her.
Arizona's face felt hot. She hesitantly reached her hands up and placed her own palms on Callie's face.
"I can't lose you and Sofia." She whispered ever so softly. "Again." She added in a soft, pained voice.
"You won't." Callie promised.
Her eyes were so intent on Arizona's, she felt herself believing her. She could almost feel Callie's breath.
"Callie." She cried, her voice feeling more like a prayer.
"Arizona." She sighed.
"I chose this, Callie." She said with a crackle in her voice. She sighed, "Either way, I'm hurting my daughter or not saving more lives."
"Saving the whole world isn't up to you alone." Callie cooed, she brushed her thumbs over Arizona's cheek, wiping a straw tear off her puffed up under eyes.
That touch alarmed Arizona. Another reason was physically confronting her. "I'm sorry." She said frantically. She grabbed Callie's hands and pulled them from her face.
"Arizona." Callie begged.
"I'm sorry, I have to go." She said hurriedly, standing up and racing toward the door.
"Arizona." Callie called, trying to plead with her to stay just for a moment longer.
Arizona turned back with a few tears in her eyes.
It got too real, too vulnerable. Just last week she felt she was becoming able to let her walls down around Callie again. Then they kissed and it feels like they're back to square one. "I'm sorry." She wiped a tear from her cheek.
"Arizona." She called again.
When she shut the door, Callie felt her chest cave inward. Arizona walked away from her, she couldn't let that happen. She couldn't let that be forever. They had just kissed two days ago for the first time in four years, and her it was all imploding almost immediately.
Callie had waited outside Arizona's building for half an hour rehearsing what she was going to say. She planned how she would help Arizona with all of this, but at the end of the day it wasn't Callue's battle to fight.
She crouched underneath the awning to hide from the rain, although she had already gotten soaked. She walked the whole way to Arizona's apartment from the hospital and didn't bother hiding much from the rain. It felt clarifying in a way.
She anxiously made her way through the lobby and up the elevator.
Callie knew she had to do this. She had to give it a chance. Something in her bones knew she had to, she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she hadn't even tried. She needed to try to get Arizona to believe.
Callie rang the doorbell to her apartment and waited. She rocked anxiously on her heels. Please, Arizona. She begged silently.
"Callie?" Arizona said once she opened her front door. "Sofia's asleep." She squinted her eyes trying to decipher what she came here for. Deep down, Arizona knew, but didn't want herself to get burned again if it was true. She leaned on the doorway.
"Hey." Callie exhaled. She was cold and wet and out of breath.
"You're all wet." Arizona gulped softly, unsure of what to say. Her eyes couldn't move from Callie's soaked raven black hair and her drenched clothes.
"It's raining." Callie nodded matter of factly, but her eyes stayed glued onto Arizona's face, slowly drifting down from those blue eyes to a more rosy feature.
Arizona just nodded awkwardly. Callie's straight-soaked hair almost formed a funnel of Arizona's vision onto Callie's face, forcing her to keep her attention.
Callie shook her head quickly and looked up into Arizona's eyes. "Arizona." She prayed.
"What are you doing here, Callie?" Arizona asked.
"Arizona, I know you." Callie whispered. It hit Arizona's soul when she said that. Callie did know her so irritatingly and beautifully well. She was so infuriating sometimes and could in the same breath be the most lovely and supportive partner.
"Callie," Arizona scolded softly, although it was rather hard once her eyes just traced the outline of Callie's lips over and over, "I can take care of myself." She said firmly, needing it to be true.
"That doesn't mean you have to do it alone." Callie said softly, her eyes were practically begging at this point.
"Callie…" Arizona sighed.
"Not too long ago we promised to be there for each other again." Callie swallowed.
Arizona looked back up into Callie's eyes. The air felt hot, it got trapped in her lungs making her feel the best kind of breathless.
"So here I am." Callie nodded. She breathed heavier.
"Here you are." Arizona whispered.
Callie nodded once more.
"I know you, Arizona." She whispered as she took a step closer to her ex-wife.
Shivers shot up and down Arizona's spine.
"Let me in." Callie whispered.
Arizona panted. Forcing herself to keep her eyes open. After a moment, she bit her lip.
"What if you don't know me anymore?" Arizona squeaked. Her eyes looked into Callie's deep brown eyes sadly.
They had this habit of answering questions neither of them asked the other. They assumed what the other thought.
"Then let me get to know you." Callie asserted. Her face was flushed, but her eyes were so intent on Arizona. "Let me be there for you."
"Callie…" Arizona cried softly.
Callie sighed deeply, taking one more small step toward Arizona. Callie stood close enough that Arizona could hear the thumping of her heart.
Arizona sighed at the sound. She tried not to, but instantly felt so safe. She felt so drawn to Callie, seemingly unexplainably. Callie's lips hovered over Arizona, her eyes pleased with Arizona's blue eyes which had darkened with the threat of tears.
All Arizona knew at this moment was that it was Callie in front of her. The Callie she knew and the Callie she had once loved. Responsibility could wait one more night.
With one swift move, Arizona pulled Callie into herself. Her lips met hers. She cried softly into the kiss, softly shaking as she held Callie closer to herself.
Arizona pulled back in a hurried breath before pulling Callie towards her once more. Salty tears made their way into their kiss, but they didn't care. This closeness to each other was all that mattered.
Callie held herself to Arizona firmly with her strong hands on either side of Arizona's face. They breathed messily before kissing once more. Their lips meet in such a mix of desire and desperation.
It was a needy kiss, the only sounds were their lips meeting and the hurried breaths exhaled through their noses.
Callie pulled back. "Are you planning on letting me in at any point?" She whispered softly in Arizona's ear, letting herself bite Arizona's ear ever so softly.
Arizona's knees weakened under her. She was so tired of fighting this. Here, with Callie, everything felt right, everything felt normal.
"We shouldn't be doing this." Arizona sighed at the weakness she felt to fight against the inevitable.
"Do you want to stop?" Callie pulled back and looked Arizona dead in the eye.
"No." She said breathlessly and pulled Callie's mouth to her once more.
Callie reached under Arizona and picked her up underneath her bottom, earning a surprised yelp followed by a giggle. Callie shut the door behind herself and carried them over to the couch, Callie sat down, allowing Arizona to straddle her and control what happened between them. She didn't let her mouth come off of hers.
Arizona felt hot. Callie's hands lingered on Arizona's ass.
There was a burning inside of her, inside of both of them. She knew it wouldn't take much to convince Callie to go further, but she wasn't ready for it. The thought of that sent shivers through her whole being and she was taken aback by her mind's brazenness to think of that in the first place.
Callie's gentle sucking on her tongue was almost enough to send her to another planet. She couldn't help but moan into Callie's mouth at the sensation.
She was falling. She wanted more. She needed more.
Arizona moved her lips from Callie's and started kissing down Callie's neck. She sucked gently at the base of her neck and all across her collarbone. She placed a hand over Callie's heart and felt it race underneath her. She looked up and saw the darkened, lustful look in Callie's eyes.
It was tempting and oh-so intimidating.
Arizona's breath started to pick up. It was all too much. Callie studied Arizona and watched her mind drift to another place.
"Hey." Callie soothed.
Arizona shook her head. She looked back down at Callie. It was just Callie, in this moment, in the way, maybe she could be hers.
"Are you okay?" Callie asked.
Arizona twitched slightly on top of Callie. Her cheeks felt hot and she felt herself losing control of her body.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm– I'm sorry." She stuttered, refusing to look at Callie.
"Hey." Callie soothed again. She held Arizona's arms delicately. "It's okay, don't be sorry."
Arizona nodded shakily.
"Come here." Callie motioned and Arizona swiveled herself on Callie's lap so that she was cradled by her rather than the more seductive position she previously found herself.
"I'm sorry." Arizona whispered into Callie's neck.
"Don't be." Callie smiled softly. She couldn't help but feel so lucky to have Arizona at all and her heart panged at the idea of Arizona being anything other than completely happy.
"I don't know, I think it just got to be too much for me." She said embarrassedly.
She kissed Arizona's head. "We won't do anything we're both not comfortable with."
Arizona nodded into Callie.
"What else is wrong?" Callie asked knowingly.
Arizona picked her head up and squinted her eyes at Callie. "How–"
"You think so loudly, Arizona." Callie teased. "I bet I can guess what else is going on."
Arizona pouted. She wrapped her fingers around the back of Callie's neck to support herself enough to continue looking at the brunette.
"You came here." She said plainly.
"Do you want me to leave?" Callie asked hesitantly, but was prepared to leave if that's what Arizona really needed and wanted.
"No." Arizona tightened her grip on Callie. "I don't want you to ever leave." She confessed.
"I won't." Callie promised. "We're family, Arizona, we always will be."
And there it was. Arizona chuckled softly. She didn't want Callie to want her out of obligation, she also didn't want her to leave in the first place.
"You've been really nice about all of this." Arizona said with a yawn.
"Why do you say that like it's a problem?" Callie stroked Arizona's arm and felt a few goosebumps follow her touch.
Arizona gave Callie the look. It made her feel safe and that was the problem. When she felt safest was when she was hurt the most. When she was scared of her safety, she hurt Callie back. She didn't want either of those options.
"Tell me I'm not horrible for not being excited for this." Arizona said, referring to the clinic.
"You're not horrible, Arizona." She sighed with a small chuckle at the absurdity of her claim.
"But, I should be excited about this–"
"I wish you could be excited about it, because that's what you deserve." She whispered.
Arizona sighed. "It's a beautiful site with lots of room for expansion, it's an hour away from New York and Philadelphia, it's perfect, I can't complain."
"Yet, it's not right." Callie added softly.
"It's an hour away from you and Sofia." Arizona huffed. She started mindlessly playing with Callie's long dark hair, it was still soaked and the strands clumped together in familiar patterns.
"We could live in the middle, and find a nice school for Sofia. Both of us would only have to commute thirty minutes." Callie suggested with a small, hopeful grin.
Arizona blanked out, "We?" She asked softly.
God, Callie was talking about moving in together already. She wasn't even sure if she was in this, if it was the right thing to do.
Callie paused, she began to breathe faster but it got caught in her throat. "Well, uh, I mean–" she stuttered.
"Callie–"
"We don't have to, of course, but maybe, I mean–"
"Will you calm down?" Arizona asked teasingly with a small smile cracking upon her wry face.
Callie laughed.
"I know what I need to do." Arizona said after a while.
"Are you sure?" Callie asked softly.
Arizona nodded solemnly. "I am."
"I don't want you to give up your dream." Callie said seriously.
Arizona smiled. "I'm not." She said confidently.
Arizona wrapped her arms around Callie and squeezed tightly. What she knew is she felt safe here in Callie's arms. For now, that would be enough and she could figure out the rest. What she needed was her family.
