Every week Harry, Sirius and the Weasleys would meet at either the Burrow or Black Manor for one big dinner and it was their turn to play host that weekend. Remus also joined on certain occasions.

The selected cuisine that night was Thai and their house elf had outdone herself.

"Ronniekins, how are you doing over there? Any trouble sitting down?"

Ron shot George a murderous look although it wasn't as effective as he'd hoped with his mouth stuffed. "Yer a pr'ck."

"Leave him be or you two will have a lot more trouble sitting down than him." Molly threatened the twins who developed a sudden interest in their plates.

"How're you liking your new job?" She turned to Sirius instead.

"It's not really new since I was an Auror during the war, but it's different now. Things aren't quite as... busy anymore. Other than the odd rebel or old loyalist who pops up and a good number of thieves, it's pretty quiet out there. Lots of new faces, plenty of people who... left and I'm pretty sure the new ones are afraid of me."

"Well that's only because you're a tyrant at work."

Sirius narrowed his eyes at his godson and the boy grinned from across the table, the mischievous one that had only recently started making regular appearances. It was the most endearing thing Sirius had ever seen.

And it always spelt trouble.

"Lies and slander." Sirius shot back although even he had to admit there was some truth in that statement. He'd always been that way, even as a child. Why? That was a tale for another time.

"I think it's true. But strangely, they don't hate you for it. On the contrary, I think they sort of like it. Like seriously like it. I overheard your colleagues talking the other day."

"So you were eavesdropping?" Sirius inquired, directing a raised eyebrow at the boy.

"Uhh... In my defence, they were talking about you, their boss. Was I simply not supposed to listen?"

"That's precisely what you should've done." He told the lad with a pointed look.

It was astonishing how one transformed from playboy to parent within a only a month, not counting the decade in Azkaban of course.

"Then how was I supposed to defend you if they said anything nasty?" Harry countered with such sincerity that Sirius was momentarily taken aback.

In that moment, he had no doubt that his five foot something twelve year old would stand up for Sirius if anyone tried or said anything funny.

He was touched and amused at the same time. He took a sip of his water and levelled Harry with an even look.

"I'm honoured. But at the same time, we'll talk about your eavesdropping abilities later."

Harry shot him an all too innocent smile. "Okay but before you yell at me, remember that you love me."

This kid.

"But on the bright side, even though you're hard on your colleagues, they don't hold it against you. I think they quite like it."

"They like that he's hard on them?" Remus asked in clarification.

"I was surprised too. Gabriel and Chloe said they wouldn't mind extra private training sessions. They claimed they wouldn't even mind getting punished in the process."

Oh no

Bloody fucking no

Sirius had an uneasy feeling that what Gabriel and Chloe meant and what his precious godson had understood were two very, very different things.

Thank Merlin for that.

He dared a glance at the Weasley couple on the other side of the table but they didn't seem to have overheard anything.

The conversation then thankfully shifted to Arthur's job after that and how Cornelius Fudge was one pompous arse and shouldn't be allowed to continue as minister. No one was more relieved than Sirius himself.

But of course things were never quite that easy.

"Hey Sirius? Do you talk about me at work?"

"Um... no, not really." Ever since he'd joined, he had kept his private life firmly under wraps.

He remembered what it had been like before Azkaban. Every reporter, journalist, magazine and even the Daily Prophet had an unhealthy obsession with his personal life: who he met, what he wore, who he fucked. The constant scrutiny and knowledge that his life was never truly his. It had been awful.

That's why he'd chosen to keep everything strictly professional this time around.

"What's wrong? Did somebody say anything?"

Harry shook his head nonchalantly. "Nothing's wrong. I thought... I just overheard a couple of your colleagues say something interesting that afternoon."

"Did you now?"

" Chloe and Gabriel think you're a great dad."

"I see."

That was okay he supposed.

"Chloe said she wants to call you daddy."

All conversation miraculously stopped at that exact moment.

Sirius stiffened in his seat, his ears ringing.

Please, please let me have misheard. Or better yet, please just kill me.

"That wasn't exactly what she said though," Harry continued, blissfully oblivious to the torture he was just beginning to inflict upon his poor godfather.

He missed Mrs. Weasley's shock, the growing discomfort on Mr. Weasley's face and the matching grins the twins were sporting. Ginny and Ron continued eating, equally ignorant of the drama unfolding around them.

Harry went on.

And on.

"She said she knows you aren't her father which is obvious because she's probably thirty. But she would really like to call you daddy."

This couldn't get any worse.

"Harry—"

"She also said you radiate big daddy energy and Gabriel said something about bending for powerful men, although I'm not sure what that has to do with everything."

He'd been wrong. It could always get worse.

"Even Kingsley thinks you've got daddy energy. Why do they have to call it daddy energy? Why can't they just say you're a good dad? It feels like a stupid way to put it. Dad or daddy, it's the same thing. Isn't it?"

No it's not. Certainly not, and he really, really needed Harry to stop saying that word.

That or a Hungarian Horntail torching him to ash would be welcome any minute now.

Sirius Black wasn't shy about sex. To be honest, he wasn't shy about anything. Oh Merlin no. The entire world or at least Europe knew that. Tales of his sexual prowess had spread like wildfire the second he was out of Hogwarts. From supermodels, to quidditch players to sapphire heiresses, he'd had them all.

If seduction was a religion, then Sirius Black was God.

At his mercy and in his bed, all his partners came apart until they were nothing more than breathy moans and trembling thighs. Wanting, yearning, begging for more.

And oh they begged.

So literally nothing flustered him anymore.

Except this.

Even Sirius Black drew the line at hearing his godson describe in exceeding detail his colleagues extremely inappropriate thoughts about him.

Karma. This was fucking Karma.

Sirius was aware of the attention he received wherever he went. He wasn't at all ignorant of the admiring looks he received from countless women and even a few men. A good diet, a disciplined workout routine, vitamins and proper sleep had done wonders to repair the damage that Azkaban had caused to his body.

Still, he hadn't considered the possibility that his own department might be thirsting after him. And he wasn't interested.

"But Mum, why would they call him daddy if he isn't their father?"

Great. Simply brilliant. Add an eleven year old girl to this ridiculous mix.

Ron shrugged characteristically, reaching for another piece of chicken. "Maybe their own dads aren't as cool?"

"But that many people? There was Louis, Chloe, Hayley, Jenna, Gabriel, Stella, Serena—"

"Harry!" The word burst out of him almost desperately. "That's enough. I think we get it."

The lad's face fell and Sirius instantly felt like an arse. But if he had to sit here for another second and listen to his godson list out the names of the people lusting after him, people he met and worked with everyday, he was going to have to kill himself.

For the sheer purpose of self preservation.

He was flattered and under very different circumstances he might've been a bit vain about it as well, but all he wanted right now was to disappear.

"I think you've made your point. Thoroughly. I think everyone gets it."

Words.

Sirius desperately needed more words to put an end to this increasingly disastrous situation. He was fluent in twelve languages, but in that moment, his enviable vocabulary failed him.

"Sorry," Harry whispered. Poor kid didn't even know what was wrong. "Are you... are you okay? You seem a bit red."

The tension in the room was damn near tangible. By that time, even the younger kids had picked up on it.

"Yes, Sirius you do look a little red."

Remus. That little shit.

"One more word out of you, Lupin and I swear to Merlin I will string you up by your b—"

"Kids! How would you like to have dessert in the garden instead? It's an awfully warm night."

"Aw but Mum, we w—"

"Out! Now!" Molly snapped at Fred.

The Weasley matriarch all but shoved the kids out after promising each of them generous helpings of ice cream, pie and chocolate syrup.

Sirius slumped in his seat and threw his head back the moment the kids were gone. "Fuck."

And then the most surprising thing happened.

Molly Weasley burst out laughing.

That was... new.

Had she... lost it? His disbelief turned to annoyance when she wouldn't stop laughing. "Your face!" She gasped in between giggles.

"Please don't stop on my account, Molly. In fact I hope you laugh until you crack a rib, maybe two if I've any luck remaining."

"I'm sorry," she managed in between a fit of giggles. "I've never... oh Merlin! Never in a million years! I really thought... I..." she burst into another round of hysterics before she could sufficiently articulate that thought.

It took another five minutes before she was able to wipe away her tears and regain composure.

"So this thing... is that something you... something you prefer? I know there are men who are into that sort of thing."

He didn't fucking believe this.

"Is Arthur one of them?" He shot back, directing the question towards the poor man who'd done nothing wrong. The red haired man sputtered, a deep flush working it's way across his face.

Molly only shrugged. "To each their own."

In the bedroom, Sirius had no problem taking control, he quite enjoyed it actually and women downright loved it. But that word just didn't do it for him.

"It's not as bad as you think."

"Really?"

"Sirius, Arthur and I have seven children. Do you honestly believe we've been lucky enough that none of them have caught us when we were... otherwise occupied? Bill couldn't move out fast enough. And Percy? The poor boy announced his presence every time he entered a room for the next three months."

He snorted at that because given the bizarre conversations that evening, this was the one which actually made sense, no matter how weird it was.

"Besides, you're not one to be shy about all of this, are you? I read that article in Witch Weekly all those years ago."

"You read Witch Weekly?"

"Everyone reads Witch Weekly. Even those who laugh at it. Especially those. Besides," she added with a shrug, "You're a proper parent now. It's all part of the package."

Sirius' mouth curved into an unwilling smile on hearing that.

Damn Molly for playing the parent card.

"Unlike you three, I have the privilege to sit back and watch the drama unfold," Remus gloated, irritatingly smug and Sirius wondered if it was too late to find a new best friend or inflict severe pain upon said best friend.

Then again, if what he'd heard from Andromeda about Dora's new gentleman friend was true, Sirius would get his revenge sooner than later.

He gave his friend a conspiratorial smirk. "You wait your turn, Lupin. It will come." With that he stood up and looked around the table. "Would anyone care for a drink? I've got a bottle of Odgen's 1980 that's just begging to be opened. I don't know about the rest of you, but I definitely deserve one."

Sirius figured the silver lining in this entire incident was that at least his godson was still blissfully naive that he hadn't understood the true context of that blasted conversation.

Cheers to small mercies.

"You do realise that one day in the foreseeable future, you're going to have to sit that boy down and explain certain things to him?"

Not so merciful after all.

The guests had left and Sirius was relieved to say that he'd escaped alive but not totally unscathed. At least not mentally.


He was just putting away the firewhiskey when his godson's voice spoke up behind him. "Are you mad at me?"

Sirius' brow furrowed in confusion and he turned around to look at the boy. "What?" He thought the boy had gone to bed a while ago.

Harry shrugged. "Earlier at dinner, you seemed upset when I talked about your colleagues. I didn't mean to make you awkward or anything. I just... I don't get it."

Sirius' expression softened. It wasn't the kid's fault, not really. Harry was a child, albeit far more guileless than Sirius had been at that age.

"I'm not mad at you, pup. Not in the least. I was just shocked since I'd just discovered something... unexpected about my colleagues."

Harry shrugged in response. "I don't think it's that bad. They just think you're a great dad. I think Chloe seemed the most enthusiastic about it."

"And you've done a stellar job in conveying her enthusiasm, pup," Sirius remarked, his mouth curving into a wry grin at the sheer absurdity of the conversation. He took a deep breath, bracing himself for what he had to say.

"Harry, when Chloe said she'd like to call me... daddy," —Merlin this was torture! — "she wasn't expressing her appreciation for my parenting abilities. None of them were. Not Gabriel or Jenna or Stella or any of the others."

Far from it. Parenting was probably the last thing on the woman's mind.

"Then," Harry paused, suddenly uncertain. "Why did they say that? Are you sure that's not what they meant?"

"Affirmative, kid."

"So what did they mean?"

Sirius wasn't ready to explain the Birds and Bees to Harry just yet. He'd already been put through one trial that night.

He tried a different approach instead.

"Do you know what it means to... have a crush on someone?"

Harry shot his godfather an affronted look. "I'm not five. I know things."

Right.

"Of course you do, wise one. Forgive my impudence," Sirius remarked, flicking the kid's ear in amusement.

"Hey!"

"Are you going to listen or not, you little rascal?"

"I'm listening," Harry dragged the words with an exaggerated go on gesture.

"That rather long list of people you mentioned, they... have a crush of sorts. On me."

Harry's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "That many?"

Sirius allowed himself a lazy smirk, a hint of characteristic smugness creeping into his tone despite the ridiculousness of the entire night. "Indeed."

"Oh," Harry replied, more to himself than Sirius, brows still drawn together in confusion. Then he screwed up his nose.

A very respectable reaction from a child who had just discovered that there were people out there who were... attracted to their parent.

"That's weird. And a little gross."

Sirius rolled his eyes. This he could deal with.

On the other hand, he wasn't ready to explain to his precious kid how dad and Daddy meant two very, very different things. Kinks was a chapter they would have to cover during the Talk.

"I'm honoured you think so highly of me."

"Ha ha." Harry grinned before the frown returned. "If you have a crush on a man you call him daddy? That's... silly and a little absurd. I'm not sure I understand. Or like it."

And they were back go square one. Sirius mentally banged his head against the cabinet beside him.

"Different people have different tastes," he ventured, hoping this would be sufficient to satisfy the lad's curiosity. "And they... express their thoughts and opinions in different ways. This is one such instance."

"Oh." Harry seemed somewhat satisfied with the answer and Sirius was just about ready to weep with relief.

"I have another question."

"Of course you do," Sirius mumbled.

"That lady Serena said she wanted you to repeatedly slam her against a wall. That sounds... painful. If you have a crush on someone, normally you'd want that person to be nice to you."

Bloody hell. Just when he was starting to breathe easy.

"For someone who forgot in which drawer he put his underwear last week, you suddenly remember everything in astonishing detail." Sirius observed, dryness slipping into his tone.

"That's not an answer to my question," Harry retorted. "And you promised we'd never bring that up again," he added, cheeks pinking in mild embarrassment.

Reorganizing a walk-in closet was no small feat, thank you very much.

"Well it's the only answer you're getting tonight," Sirius declared as firmly as he could, if only for the sake of preserving the last vestiges of his sanity and dignity. "Well talk about all this some more on a later date."

"When?"

"Soon. When you're a bit older."

"Ron said that's what adults say when they are avoiding something."

"Your best friend's profound wisdom has rendered me speechless. Which is why I'll be unable to answer any further questions."

Sirius gently grabbed Harry by the shoulders and steered him towards the stairs. "Now if we're still going out for breakfast in the morning, I suggest you get your rear to bed. Otherwise, I have no qualms about feeding you burnt toast."

"You're mean." Harry pouted even though he knew Sirius had no intention of following through on that threat.

"I'm the absolute worst." Sirius pressed a kiss to the top of Harry's head and released him.

Sirius shook his head once the kid safely upstairs.

Alive, but not wholly unscathed.


*laughs at poor Sirius*

Harry really knows how to get his godfather into a mess.

Per usual, drop a comment and tell me what you think.

There's a bonus part 3 on the way!

Good news: I've got quite a few ideas lined up for my favourite duo. Also, I don't know if I've mentioned this, but starting from Meeting the Godfather, all followings fics are set in the same universe.

Bad news: I'm not sure how frequently I'll update, so please bear with me.