XXX Chapter 11: The Determination
A faster update than the last few times because I felt like it *shrug*.
Heads up, the next couple chapters are gonna be pretty heavy (not that the others weren't, but here's a periodic reminder to please read all of the warnings).
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It wasn't long after he and Virgil declared a truce that Remus started to accept what they were going to have to do.
Janus wasn't going to get better.
He knew it, Virgil knew it, and he was pretty sure Logan knew it, considering his reactions when he came to check on Janus. He doubted that Patton had even considered doing what they were going to have to do, and he was pretty sure Roman was going to fight on the basis of 'heroes don't kill people' or some bullshit like that.
But at this point, killing him was probably going to be the only way to get him back.
And so, he went over to the Light Side and told everyone that they needed to talk about Janus, and when he saw the looks on Virgil and Logan's faces, he could tell that they knew what he wanted to talk about.
He just wished they didn't have to have this conversation at all.
"So, what did you want to discuss exactly, Kiddo?" Patton asked.
As terrible as this discussion was, Remus had never really been one to hesitate with his words, and he certainly wasn't one to speak tactfully. So, he just got straight to the point.
"We need to kill Deceit."
The entire room went silent, a freezing cold going through everyone's bones and holding them in place, stopping their hearts and pausing their lungs.
And then, there was shouting.
"What?! We can't do that!"
"What the hell, Remus?!"
Patton and Roman, as expected, were the ones shouting. Logan was watching the exchange with tired but understanding eyes, while Virgil looked like he wanted to run away. Remus, as painful as it was, had to stick to his guns.
"We have to," Remus insisted. "Dee isn't getting better; he's getting worse. At this point, he's probably not going to wake up, so the only option we have is to kill him so he can come back."
"But…"
Patton appeared as if he was going to cry, but the protest died on his lips.
"I think Remus may be right," Logan spoke softly. "Deceit isn't quite brain dead, or whatever our equivalent is, because he still exhibits certain functions. However, his body is already shutting itself down. He can barely breathe on his own anymore, and our attempts at feeding and hydrating him are beginning to fail. I'm also sure you've all noticed that Deceit's influence on the Mindscape and Thomas is already failing."
He shook his head.
"He's already dying. The Mindscape knows something is irreparably damaged, so it's taking things into its own hands, but it's doing it slowly," Logan continued. "As things currently are, Deceit will either die slowly from the Mindscape shutting him down, or he will potentially die from pneumonia or another infection. It… It makes sense to stop delaying the inevitable. It would also allow us to be prepared for when it happens so we can mitigate any damage, and… Deceit will be able to come back sooner that way."
"That… seems kind of cold-hearted, Lo…"
"Yeah, I mean, if he's going to die anyway, shouldn't we let it happen naturally?" Roman asked. "Killing him is… What if he does wake up?"
"I believe we would be having a very different conversation if we weren't sides. If Deceit wasn't going to come back, then perhaps it would be worth it to wait to see what happens. But we are sides, and Deceit will reform eventually," Logan responded. "However he dies, it won't be permanent."
Roman shot a glare toward Logan.
"How the hell are you acting so nonchalant about this?! You're talking about killing someone!"
"I KNOW THAT!" Logan suddenly exclaimed, losing his composure. "I-I'm trying to think about this from Deceit's perspective! Keeping him like this doesn't benefit him, and I highly doubt he'd want to waste time when he could be back to normal! None of us want to do this!"
"Logan…," Patton tried to reach out to comfort the logical side, but the man just shook his head.
"… Do you not want Dee to come back?" Remus asked quietly.
"What? No, of course that's not it!" Roman exclaimed.
"Then why are you against it?" Remus questioned. "He's going to die whether we want him to or not, and I want him back. I would rather have him back than just keep waiting while he wastes away and just fucking dies anyway! We don't know how long it will take for him to come back, but really, he's already been gone for months! I-I miss him…"
Remus put his face in his hands as tears began to fall. He wasn't exactly embarrassed, but he just didn't want them to see him crying right then.
"… Virgil, what do you think about this…?" Patton asked.
There was a strained pause before Virgil spoke.
"… I don't really think we have much of a choice."
Patton sighed, taking a very long time to think before he said anything else.
"I… I don't agree with killing people, but…," he spoke softly, his voice filled with hesitation. "I guess we aren't really killing him… And I don't know if he's aware at all, but I don't want him to keep suffering if he is."
Remus was pretty surprised that Patton had agreed at all. He'd really expected the fatherly side to be stubborn and try to use morals as an excuse to just not do anything. He looked up in time to see Roman's face shift into uncertainty. Roman didn't want to do something as terrible as killing someone, but seeing Morality of all sides agreeing had shaken his resolve to be against it.
"It… It just feels wrong," Roman sighed. "But he will come back, right?"
Roman was asking him directly. And he nodded, despite his own doubts about it. Technically, they all knew Janus would come back because that's how things worked in the Mindscape, and Remus had proved it more than once. It wasn't a lie.
Roman let out a long breath.
"Well, alright then," he finally agreed. "But if Snakes and Ladders gets mad about it later, I'm not gonna stop him from kicking your asses."
He was pretty sure Roman had been attempting to lighten the mood with that last comment, but the joke fell flat. Instead, everyone just looked at each awkwardly, none of them particularly glad that they'd all agreed on something for once.
"How… How should we do it?" Virgil asked after a while.
Logan adjusted his glasses.
"Well… to begin with, I do not believe he is currently capable of feeling pain, but I am not entirely sure, so we need to take that into account," he told them. "Usually, an actually brain dead patient would die without a respirator, but the state Deceit is currently in is closer to a vegetative or similar state, and he can still breathe on his own to an extent. So that… probably won't work."
"Maybe… Maybe we should do some research so we don't… mess up…," Patton suggested, his voice wobbling. "Oh God, this is so…"
Patton cut himself off by covering his mouth. Remus breathed in.
"Yeah, let's… do that," Remus found himself agreeing.
He knew what they had to do, but even though he was the one who brought it up, he kind of wanted… to stall, at least for a bit. And researching would give him that extra bit of time to come to terms with this.
Soon after, the five of them parted ways without another word.
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