Chapter 50: "Subverting" Tropes

Once they'd trampled through the labyrinth of tangled grass, they reached a trench; an ominous sea of black in an otherwise underwater paradise. Mindy tossed her emptied cup into the hole. She kept her eye on it until it became a tiny, insignificant dot, then vanished entirely.

They waited a minute...then two...then three.

"I think now is a great time to stop for a snack," Dakota dumped his satchel on the ground, and withdrew a tiny pouch, "Would anyone (minus the three obvious rampaging elephants in the room) care for a jolly rancher?"

Ursula huffed as he distributed the candy amongst the Lost Boys, "We are on the edge of a literal abyss, and all you can think about is food? We don't have time for this! The more we wait, the more we risk not getting me back to the lair in time to transform into Vanessa!"

"You're the one who said the cove was a day's journey at most," Mindy pointed out, "Surely we'll make it back with plenty of time to spare?"

"Even more of a reason to not dilly dally!" Ursula said, "Honestly, how have you all made it this far without being killed?"

Wendy shrugged, "I haven't the faintest idea,"

"Whatever," the Sea Witch's attention returned to Mindy, "Anomaly! Front and center! I have a job for you,"

"I have a name, you know," Mindy said with a teasing smile, "You wouldn't invoke my God-like wrath by using it every now and again,"

"I know," Ursula said flatly, "I just choose not to lest I start getting attached to you,"

"And we still think teaming up with her is a good idea?" Dakota asked out of the corner of his mouth.

Mindy ignored him, "What do you need me to do?"

"We can't fight what we can't see. Illuminate the canyon,"

The princess stared at the valley with wide, disbelieving eyes, "Th-the...whole thing?"

"No. A third of it," Ursula deadpanned, "Of course the whole thing! Are you the Anomaly or not?"

"Yeah...yeah, okay sure," Mindy replied with finger guns, "Totally! I can totally do that!" she inhaled and rubbed her hands together in anticipation, "Give me a second,"

Her eyes fluttered shut and she stretched her fingers to the overpass. Her train of thought went off the rails in an instant. It seemed no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get her mind to fixate on the simple concept of 'light'.

Beams shooting out of flashlights mutated into the slippery forms of Flotsam and Jetsam. Tongues of fire morphed into contagious, wonderfully cheesy peals of laughter. Rainbows turned into hearts. Fireflies to butterflies. Stardust into chocolate chip cookies. Disco balls to Dakota's rich hazel stare as their lips met-

Her imagination overloaded, and her eyes burst open. Mindy's face flushed as her concentration shattered. Her eyes gravitated to Dakota's, but she tore her gaze away before anyone grew suspicious.

She panted up at an impatient octopus.

"Well? What are you waiting for?!" Ursula barked, "Try again!"

"Hey! Don't yell at her!" Peter swam in front of Mindy with a protective stance, "She's doing her best, okay?!"

"Why don't we take a deep, cleansing breath, and give the poor girl some space?" Jiminy suggested as he paddled onto Dakota's shoulder.

The odd collection of characters complied.

Mindy shook her arms, and thrust them out a second time. Her fingertips once again sparked and fizzed with magic. Trickles of sweat formed on her crunched brow, as her teeth gnashed for control. The sparks grew larger and larger until there sounded a poof...!

A single bubble entered the canyon. It wasn't even the size of a pea, and emitted a faint, neon- green glow. It floated for a few unending seconds before popping pathetically. It reeked of anxiety and teenage angst. Mindy flinched at the Sea Witch's booming voice.

"What was that embarrassing display?" Ursula crossed her arms in disappointment, "And you have the gall to call yourself a sorceress?"

Mindy snorted, "You haven't seen nothing yet,"

She cracked her neck from side-to-side; determined to rid her brain of a certain brace-faced dork. This time, her fingers instantly roared with sparks of radiant colors, and an elegant chandelier constructed of M&Ms rotated above their heads. The gang 'oohed' and 'awed' as Mindy rubbed her knuckles against her chest with a smug grin.

Ursula yawned, "It's pretty, sure...but is it sustainable?"

"What do you mean?" Mindy asked.

"Here's a crash course in marine biology, sweetness," with a wave of her hands, Ursula fabricated a hazy model of the ocean along with a beach beside it, "There are three layers of the ocean floor: The Continental Shelf, which is closest to shore on the shallow end, The Continental Slope, which is in-between the shelf and the deep sea, and The Abysmal Plain, which is where no light filters through. We are located here," she pointed to a spot sandwiched between The Continental Slope and The Abysmal Plain, "We're wanting to enter the deep sea, but what not a lot of merfolk realize is the deeper you go, the pressure becomes heavier from the combined weight of the two layers above. For example, let's say a human clad in scuba gear brought a balloon down to the deep ocean. What do you think would happen?"

Ursula made a miniature scuba diver appear, and played out the scenario. The group could see the red balloon sagging more and more the deeper the diver went. Right as he reached the Abysmal Plain, the balloon popped, and they jumped in alarm.

Ursula smirked, "Need I say more?"

"So, you're saying the chandelier will collapse at a certain point in the trench?" Mindy asked in resigned disappointment. When the Sea Witch nodded, Mindy gave a drawn-out sigh and rubbed her temples. The chandelier faded out of existence. "Alright, you've made a valid point," she stepped aside, and gestured to the canyon, "I suppose you want to give it a go?"

"While I'm flattered you think so highly of me, the fact remains I am not as powerful as you,"

To demonstrate, Ursula spread her arms out and chanted something under her breath. An eerie whitish-purplish mist settled itself above the canyon. It provided substantial light, but it fizzled out not even a few seconds after its creation.

"I see," Mindy said, "What do you propose we do then?"

Ursula gaped.

"You are The Anomaly, child!" she shrieked in immense exasperation, "You shouldn't be asking me! You have summoning magic that puts The Genie's phenomenal cosmic powers to shame! Transfigure yourself into an angular fish! Poof up a device that produces ultraviolet light! Be imaginative!"

Mindy's lips pursed together...after a few beats, she twirled her hand and sent a miserable stream of pink sparkles into the abyss. As one, Mediocrity at its Finest turned to stare at their leader in silent judgement.

She twiddled her fingers with a chuckle.

"You have no idea what you're doing, do you?" Ursula asked.

Mindy sagged in relief, "Not a clue,"

"Alright," The Sea Witch pinched the bridge of her nose with a sigh, "What is it that you can do?"


Inside the underwater house, a magnificent display of magical prowess ensued.

Mindy poofed up a variety of oddities: a herd of rainbow zebra playing poker, buffalos in flapper dresses doing the Charleston, and even a functioning hot air balloon constructed out of beans. At some point in her presentation, she'd even changed the sandy ocean floor to interchangeably-colored polka dots.

Impractical, yes.

Fun for an awkward mini-disco party? Absolutely.

She demonstrated her pulsing force field. She also used her telekinesis on a piece of driftwood, and the very few magical attacks she'd taught herself on a line of barrels. For the grand finale, Mindy conjured a feast for the gods. She made certain each dish she materialized incorporated the four basic food groups (five if she counted dessert, which she did with a massive six-layer chocolate mousse cake; complete with candles and buttercream rosettes). She even somehow managed to have an eerily-convincing David Bowie pop out of it and sing "As the World Falls Down".

"Ta...ta da!" Mindy wheezed between staggering breaths.

Mediocrity at its Finest erupted into applause.

Ursula clapped too, but with noticeably less enthusiasm.

"Is that all?" she drawled.

Mindy straightened herself out before answering, "Well, I replicated Captain Hook's ship out of jolly ranchers-oh, that's a candy from The Otherworld. I named it 'The Jolly Rancher'" she leaned forward with an all-too-eager grin, "Get it? Cause the original name was 'The Jolly Rodger' except instead of 'Rodger', it's 'Rancher'? Both two syllable words starting with 'R' and ending in 'ER'? But they also-"

"-I get it," Ursula silenced her by putting a tentacle over her mouth, "Yes, yes, it's very clever. Are there any other magical traits you possess?" she released her so she could speak.

Mindy showed off her amulet, "Alistaire, Ursula. Ursula, Alistaire. Otherwise known as 'The Amulet of Illusions' but we agreed it was kind of a mouthful so I named him Alistaire. He's my slightly annoying but good-intentioned watchdog who responds to my emotions and needs. He's also responsible for taming my imagination, and is the main source of my powers,"

"Does it speak?" Ursula asked.

"He communicates by etching messages on the back of the pendant," Mindy flipped it over and held it up to her face, "See?"

Suddenly, the Sea Witch's once plump lavender cheeks turned a darker shade of purple. Puzzled, Mindy read the message and let out an appalled gasp. She snatched the amulet back and slapped it, to which Al responded by giving her an electric shock.

"Al! You little hypocrite!" Mindy cried before shooting an apologetic look to Ursula, "I'm so sorry. Usually, he shocks me when I use *ahem* un-Disney-like language. I suppose he's just sensitive that you called him an 'It'."

"Forgive me if I don't know the proper etiquette for conversing with inanimate objects," Ursula sneered. She then took a breath to compose herself, "Well, you are definitely not what I'd been expecting. You have the entire cosmos at your fingertips, yet you waste that power on foolishness, practical jokes, and a concerning number of sugary confections," she poked at Mindy's belly for emphasis, "Are you bulimic or something?"

Jiminy threw his arms up, "So I'm not the only one who sees it?"

"I am not bulimic," Mindy growled, "What's wrong with enjoying the sweet things in life every once in a while? I won't be ashamed for conjuring deliciousness,"

"It's nothing to be ashamed of," Ursula assured her with what appeared like a sympathetic smile, "You and I are just built more shall we say...'shapely' than the majority of The Dremesphere's inhabitants. It's a common thing for us villains, but I've certainly never met a princess with such a striking figure as yours. It definitely makes you stand out from the rest,"

"Did you just call me fat?"

"..."

"You've never had this obsession with summoning this much food before," Peter pointed out.

That proved to be a mistake as Mindy completely lost it, "Eight years in The Otherworld made me a raging amnesiac!" her eyes started to flicker as she poked his chest, "Of course my powers aren't going to be exactly the same as before! In fact, they're even more unpredictable due to my memory loss! You think it was easy to navigate these wacky abilities on my own since Yen Sid was apparently too busy managing other affairs to come with us on this quest and reteach me everything?!"

Peter backed away in surrender, "Okay, okay, I'm sorry!"

As Mindy caught her breath and her eyes returned to normal, Ursula tapped her chin in thought. Then, she clapped her hands with an expression of resolve, "That's it! Why didn't I think of this sooner? You need someone to mentor you in controlling your newly-resurrected abilities. Someone with experience. Someone who'll push you to your fullest potential...someone like me,"

Mindy cocked a brow with a disbelieving laugh, "You want to tutor me?"

"Why not?" Ursula shrugged, "Think of it as early practice for taking on Cthulhu. You should feel honored, Anomaly. I've never taken on a pupil before,"

"And why the sudden change of heart?"

"I've never met someone as lost and hopeless in the ways of sorcery as you are," the octopus replied coolly, "Besides, I need you in tip-top shape when you rescue me from descending into my watery grave,"

"She doesn't need your pity," Dakota spat.

"That's right," Jiminy agreed, "And she doesn't need to learn any black magic either...there's already enough of that going around these days,"

"And she can speak for herself," Scarlett hissed to both of them.

The boys looked away in embarrassment. Scar locked eyes with Mindy, and gestured for her to give her two cents. The princess nodded to her in gratitude, and swam forward while clearing her throat.

"I definitely could use extra practice...it's not like there's anyone else in Atlantica who's willing to teach a newbie like me," Mindy surmised.

Ursula's lips slithered into her infamous smirk, "So, another deal then?"

The Sea Witch stuck her hand out, but Mindy's eyes narrowed as she slapped it away. "Nice try, but I'm not making any more deals with you," she crossed her arms as her cheeks puffed in a childish pout, "I'm not a total pushover either...plus, I'm still upset over the whole 'Let's call Mindy fat' thing,"

"You're much too sensitive," Ursula said dismissively, "That'll be the first thing we work on. We begin at the Shipwreck Graveyard mid-afternoon. You can show me your so-called 'Magnum Opus' of a ship you're so uncharacteristically proud of,"

"And what arethe rest of us supposed to do while you're gone?" Scarlett asked.

"I could honestly care less," Ursula answered with a roll of her eyes, "Surely, you'll find something to occupy your time with,"

With a shy smile, Mindy conjured up pieces of parchment and passed them out to everyone. Peter wrinkled his nose, and held his at arm's length. It was as though he were anticipating it sprouting teeth and trying to bite his head off.

"What even is this?" he asked.

"Ohhh...it's sudoku," Dakota moaned with a look of dread.

Jiminy didn't glance up from his sheet, "Gesundheit,"

"Sudo-what-know?" Peter asked.

"Sudoku," Mindy repeated, "It's a numbers puzzle invented by a guy from Japan,"

"Ya lost me at numbers," Peter's shoulders sagged, and tossed it over his shoulder, "Why in the world would someone choose to do math for fun?"

"It isn't math. It's logic,"

"Then you should've brought Basil along. I'm sure he would've gotten a kick out of this,"

"You can't be serious," Scarlett said.

"What?" Mindy missed the sarcasm in her friend's voice, "Did you want a crossword or wordsearch instead?"

"For the love of- you're the Anomaly, and this is the best thing you could come up with to keep us entertained?" she demanded, "Where's the flat-screen TV with unlimited streaming services and video games? The microwave that magicks up any dish you can think of but it comes in your favorite color? Or an underwater spa with dolphin assistants to give you back massages?"

"You could always tag along and watch my lesson," Mindy cocked a thumb in the direction of the Shipwreck Graveyard, but her tutor shook her head.

"No can do, my dear. Magic is tied to our emotions, and nothing makes us more emotional than those we are closest with," Ursula explained, "Before you use magic around others, you must first learn to use it in a controlled, emotion-free space,"

"Why does that matter?" Mindy asked, "I've already used magic a in front of them a million times before, why stop now?"

"Do you want my help or not?"

"Of course,"

"Then stop questioning my methods,"

Mindy opened her mouth, then pursed her lips when Ursula placed her hands on her hips with a stern, unflinching stare...the student snuck a glance at her companions, then, sighed in defeat. She snapped her fingers and all of the wishes Scarlett had listed appeared in the newly-constructed Living Room chalk-full of childhood toys and board games.

Scarlett made a beeline for the television. The Lost Boys, Peter, Wendy, and Tink followed in curiosity, "You're the best, hon! Now I can finally catch up on Bridgerton,"

Mindy winced and called over her shoulder, "Be sure to fast-forward the parts where corsets and waistcoats come flying off! Remember, there are children present!"

"Will do!"

"Whatever happened to not being a pushover?" Dakota gestured wildly to the Sea Witch, "What do you call this? Won't this be the third time a Disney villain has kidnapped you?!"

"Technically, Hook and Ratigan didn't kidnap her," Jiminy pointed out with a sheepish smile, "They'd tricked her into going with them willingly...that doesn't help your case, does it?"

"Whatever gave you that idea?" Mindy drawled before addressing her mentor, "I'll meet you outside. Give me five minutes to reassure them you aren't going to kill me as soon as we're alone,"

She half-anticipated Ursula either blowing up at her for suggesting such a thing, or donning an over-exaggerated look of concern before delving into a dramatic speech on how she wouldn't dream of laying a finger on her. Instead, she rolled her eyes with impatience.

"Very well," Ursula started leading Flotsam and Jetsam to the front door, but paused halfway, "But just so you know, I intend to count precisely to five minutes in my head. If you still aren't ready by the time I finish, there will be consequences,"

With that, she strutted to the front yard, and slammed the door shut with a tentacle.

Dakota darted forward, but Mindy pressed a finger to his lips before he could utter a word.

"Before you go into a long-winded lecture about how this is a bad idea, hear me out," she snapped her opposite fingers, and an ordinary compact mirror appeared, "I placed two invisible cameras into the lenses of my glasses. The footage they capture will transfer in real-time back to the mirror. For the next couple of hours, you'll see and hear what I do,"

"You mean you don't trust her either?" Dakota asked as he took the thing from her.

"Right now, I'm cautiously optimistic," Mindy replied, "But as soon as she gives me a reason not to trust her word, the deal is off. I believe in what she said about Cthulhu, and about my powers. But I'm no idiot. I'm sure as hell not going to make the same mistakes as last time. If something happens to me, you'll be the first to know,"

"Why me and not Peter?" he tilted his head in the direction of the boy who had started a game of Twister with the other kids, "He's your main bestie after all. Or what about Scarlett or Jiminy?"

"Because you'll be too riled up to want to entertain yourself," Mindy answered, "I can trust you to keep your eyes glued to the screen for hours and hours on end. I also know you wouldn't think twice to hunt me down to the ends of the ocean the second something goes wrong,"

"You'd better believe it," Dakota admitted with a soft, innocent, doe-like smile, "You can always count on me to look out for you, kiddo,"

Mindy looked down as a blush crept onto her cheeks, "Listen Dakota, a-about last night-"

"-forget it ever happened and never speak of it again?" he finished with a flustered laugh, "Waaaaay ahead of ya,"

Her right eye twitched...

"E'yup!" Mindy mimicked his laugh, and backed away while doing finger guns "Yessir, you read my mind! It doesn't matter if that was my first kiss with anyone ever! And I'd never in my wildest dreams imagine it happening in a spooky lair in the dead of night! The likelihood of us becoming a thing is downright laughable!"

"So laughable!"

"Right?"

"You're my friend who happens to be a girl,"

"Yes,"

"I'm your friend who happens to be a boy,"

"Uh huh,"

"Us ending up together when we've only ever been good friends would be the most pointless, most cliché, most ridiculous notion in the whole world! And would go against everything we stand for,"

"Where does it even say that the main guy, and main girl of every story have to get together?"

"Exactly! We're actively subverting that trope by choosing to remain friends!"

"Look at us, subverting tropes,"

"Yeah..."

They stood in an awkward, contemplative silence.

"See you at dinner?"

"Dinner? Oh, oh, yeah I'll uh-cook up a mean chili that'll leave your lips tingling!" Dakota grimaced, "Um! Just to be clear, I did not mean that as a flirtatious euphemism! I am saying that to you as an unflinchingly, good-humored, platonic friend!"

"I figured as much!" Mindy just about flew out the door, "See ya later, bud!"

When it swung shut behind her, the two teens sunk to the floor at the same time. They then buried their heads in their knees with flushed cheeks and withering groans.