Chapter 6: Grieving
A/N: Thank you very much for your kind review, LORIOVER50!
While nursing a broken heart and the most annoying sexual frustration in the wake of his final separation from R'ëal, Thorek kept to himself, much as he had done before, except that he deliberately took steps to avoid Asha. He was ashamed of having displayed his vulnerability before her in the garden. Overall, his pride was deeply dented. Asha did not say anything about it, but she would glance knowingly at him and try not to regard herself as an impostor when they ate dinner together in uneasy silence or happened to cross each other in some part of the house or the other. She in fact felt like Thorek and R'ëal had been the married couple and she an impediment to their relationship. It made her feel guilty. She told herself that if anyone was to blame, it was the Tal Shiar. At the same time, she hated the idea of living with her husband like they were two strangers. She looked back on her first four weeks on Romulus with a critical eye. Her husband was courteous enough, always formal verging on cold during his interactions with her. She could hardly fault him; not only she, but he, too, had been forced into marriage, and the woman he truly loved had chosen another path in life, basically stranding him with her, Asha.
As it happened, it was Rhian t'Merek who unknowingly hit upon a good solution to allow for more interaction between her and Thorek.
"Poring over books and exercises is all very fine and may be the way Humans do it, but speaking the language would greatly contribute your mastery of Rihan."
"Humans believe in the same thing, so please don't be anxious on behalf of language lessons on my former planet, although I hugely appreciate the sentiment. Besides, I'm on Romulus now," Asha said sweetly. Her tutor glanced at her, aware of being the recipient instead of the giver of sarcasm for a change.
"Excellent. In that case, you might want to practise speaking Rihan with your husband."
"I'll see if I can convince him."
"If you can't, I can. We have known each other since we were children."
"That is extremely encouraging to hear. I'll get back to you if I encounter any problems," Asha replied blandly, bending her head over a PADD. Rhian's face soured.
Later in the evening, Asha approached her husband, inching closer as if she was about to approach a volcano on the edge of eruption.
"Thorek?" she asked cautiously. He turned.
"Yes?"
"I wanted to ask you…Would you have the patience to spend about half an hour a day practising my spoken Rihan with me? Ihhei t'Merek recommends it."
He wanted to decline and say he was too busy; but as he looked at her, his half-formulated polite and vague answer turned into, "Certainly."
Her face lit up, and dimples emerged on both her cheeks. It was a heart-warming sight, and he suddenly realised that a smile was something he had been needing for a long time. That, and distraction besides his work. If his wife could provide it, why not?
"Thank you! When would you have time?"
"How about now? I suggest a stroll in the garden. It is said that an atmosphere in natural surroundings is conducive to studying."
"I have heard the same. I'll just fetch my PADD with the grammar rules."
"No. There's no need of any tools."
"Improvisation, then?"
"Yes, to encourage natural conversation."
Maybe what he really wanted was to make life just a little more difficult for her. She took a deep breath. "Right."
As they walked around the garden, she was somewhat tense and on the qui vive at first, not only because of the new language, but because she suspected her husband of all kinds of ulterior motives. After a few minutes, she began to warm up and grew more comfortable in Thorek's presence, especially because he did not reprimand her or grow impatient with her. "It's like practising a musical instrument," he said in English. The more she tried, the easier it grew, and in this spirit, almost an hour passed. Afterwards, as they went their separate ways to their bedrooms, she felt more hopeful.
Well, she thought, at least she could speak with him for a longer amount of time when it came to practising her Rihan. It was not ideal, since he seemed more like her teacher than someone with whom she could be on an equal footing, but at least it was a start. In the meantime, she had been mastering Romulan insults and curse words, without the knowledge of her tutor or husband. It gave her a grim private satisfaction. She disliked Rhian and hardly knew anything about Thorek except for his work and his love life, of all things. Clues on Romulan courtship and mating practices gleaned from the PADDs Thorek had given her encouraged her to believe that Romulans possessed a voracious sexual appetite. If that was true, no wonder why Thorek had been so reluctant to give up his trysts with R'ëal.
The next day, Thorek was absent. He was hosting a conference at the Headquarters of Astrophysics of which he was the director and where he taught and did his research.
It was a quiet evening. Asha was alone, and the staff was about to leave, going home to their respective families.
As she paced up and down in the hall, she became aware of how out of place she felt. She missed her friend André terribly and even the bickering and nagging between her parents. She didn't want to imagine what they were going through at the moment. It scared her that it might take a toll on their health. Or maybe it would put a temporary stop to their bickering and nagging.
A soft voice startled her. "Lady t'Darak, are you missing something?" It was Kihika, who was in search of her mistress in order to take leave. Asha sat down on a chair with a sigh, blinking back her tears. In all probability, what she told Kihika would find its way to Thorek. Well, so be it. For just this once, she would be candid about what was going through her mind.
"My home, Kihika. I miss my home so much. I don't know how my family and friends are, whether they're doing well and are in good health. My husband is generous and patient, but I am a misfit here. If there was cosmetic surgery that made me look like you, I would undergo it."
Kihika was young and part of a generation that disapproved of their society's isolationist practices. She had felt compassion for her new mistress, who was always polite and kind to her, from the start. She obeyed her master's orders, keeping a sharp eye on Asha's movements, but she didn't like it, and she liked Asha's sadness even less.
"That, my Lady, would be a shame, for the surgeons would correct your remarkable eyes."
Asha smiled a little. "I don't know how to speak with your people. Not so much because of the language, but because I'm...different. Am I the only Human here?"
"I don't think so, my Lady, though you are the first Human I have met. May I make a suggestion?"
"Please."
"In almost five weeks, you have ventured out to the garden at the most. You need to discover what lies outside. You will find Romulus full of life and if you are fond of nature, many plants and animals to see. Take me with you, my Lady, and as much as you miss your loved ones, try and make this your second home while I show you the city."
Asha smiled and rose. She brushed the girl's cheek with the back of her forefinger.
"Thank you, Kihika. How about you accompany me to town tomorrow and give me a tour?"
Kihika's face lit up. "With pleasure, my Lady."
The next morning, Thorek asked Kihika about her observations.
"Ihhai, she is very homesick and misses her family and friends. She worries about their wellbeing. I am showing her the city today, for she has hardly ventured from the house. She is starving her mind."
"A wise idea, Kihika."
"She said you were generous and patient. Those were her words."
"Thank you." He dismissed her with a nod, and she left. Thorek's heart was heavy. In his focus on mourning over the disintegration of his relationship with R'ëal, he had overlooked his wife's struggles with her own grief.
