Ayanna looked over her squad and noticed one notable person missing. "Hey, where's Elliot?"

Everyone looked up, shrugging their shoulders and shaking their heads in unison.

As Ayanna's eyes flit around the room she noticed Jet shaking her head, but her eyes were giving her a look.

After a few minutes, her team dove back into work, and she felt everyone was adequately distracted. She sauntered up to Jet's desk. Jet turned her chair once she heard Ayanna's approach.

"You know where Stabler is?" Jet shifted uncomfortably under her gaze.

"Um, yeah, we'll no," she hesitated, "Maybe?"

"Just spit it out Jet."

"Fine. I ran into Captain Benson at his place yesterday. You know, when I checked on his Mom."

"Okay?" Ayanna knew Benson and Stabler were friends and she probably heard all about yesterday's drama. Of course she would stop by his place.

"Well it wasn't the fact that she was there that was weird, more like she was acting a little weird. But honestly I don't know. I don't do that whole read peoples masked emotion thing."

Ayanna softly chuckled. "It's okay, Jet. Benson probably tracked him down yesterday, and I'm sure she was acting off because she was worried."

Jet's eyes were skeptical, and honestly Ayanna wasn't sure she even believed herself. With how upset Elliot was when he came to work yesterday, and Olivia showing up to his apartment in person, something did feel a little…weird.

She shook it off. She was making a big deal over nothing. Elliot wasn't required to be here today, but he normally popped in on a Saturday when mounds of paperwork consumed the office. Maybe after everything yesterday he just needed a day to decompress or something. She shook her head. Elliot didn't decompress like most people. Work, running, and beating the hell out of a punching bag were his "decompressors". She felt a little wary. She hoped the explosion yesterday wasn't too much for his well-controlled PTSD. Honestly, the thought of that freaked her out more than any other alternative.

This was stupid. It's not like he died or anything. She'd text him. As a friend. Just to check on him after a traumatic experience. It would be fine.

Hey, just making sure you're alive. Thought you'd be here conquering this stupid paperwork.

She locked her phone screen and dropped it into her pocket. Texting him diffused the worry, and she was sure he would text her back soon.

-000-

He had no idea what she needed right now. He had no idea what he did, and his stomach flipped around as he worried that he pushed things too far.

He turned his face towards her and helplessly watched her try to calm herself down. He felt overwhelmed with guilt. All of this was obviously his fault.

She laid on her back, eyes closed, and palm pressed against her belly. He watched her take slow measured breaths.

When she seemed more relaxed he spoke, "Liv," he said gently.

Her head turned towards him, and her dark eyes opened, and he saw something he couldn't label, but whatever it was, it was intense.

"Liv,' he tried again, "I'm so sor…"

She shook her head, effectively cutting off his apology. She tentatively slid closer until she was touching him again. His entire body felt tense and worried, and he wanted to scoop her up and hold her against his chest, but he was nervous to initiate any physical contact.

"El," her voice was low and strained. "I…" she struggled to speak.

He instinctively reached for her and pulled her into his chest. His breath caught, and he prayed he did the right thing. She settled into him and he was finally able to relax. He waited for her to find her voice.

"I know we talked about how I felt when you left."

He brushed his fingers through her hair and kissed the top of her head.

She sighed and the feeling of her breath warmed his chest. "You missed some of the best moments of my life." He felt like the wind was knocked out of him, and the feeling intensified when she continued on, "you also missed some of the worst moments of my life."

He tried not to react. He just listened. They laid silently as she gathered her thoughts.

"Um," she started, "It should be easier now. It's been ten years, but uh," he watched her squeeze her eyes shut. "It still gets to me sometimes."

His mind was screaming, but he kept his outside demeanor as cool as possible. This was something big. Something she'd kept from him. Something she was obviously hesitant to share.

He tightened his arms around her and dropped another kiss on her head. "It's okay," he murmured. "I got you."

He felt her take a shaky breath. "About two years after you..:. you left , we um," she let out another shaky breath and he squeezed her tighter, encouraging her to continue. "We caught a case. It seemed inconsequential at the beginning. Just some idiot flasher in the park, you know."

Elliot's stomach dropped and he felt nauseous. From her tone he knew this was going to be bad.

"But things about him…felt off."

She shook her head as she struggled to work her way through this horror story. He heard her gulp. She pushed his arms away and sat up. Her breaths came in and out, but the sound was tight and uncomfortable. She scooted away from him, and he wanted to pull her back, but something about that look on her face made him hesitate.

She closed her eyes and he wanted nothing more than to maintain eye contact. He wanted her to know that whatever happened, whatever hell she stumbled through, he was here for her.

After a moment, she regained composure, and pressed on. "I don't know if I can handle going into a lot of detail right now. Maybe at another time, but…" her eyes slowly opened and he clearly saw the fear there. "He was a serial. Sadistic sociopath. We couldn't nail him. He got off on a lab technicality."

His stomach tossed and he really didn't like where this was going. He stayed calm. Neutral. He wanted her to feel safe and losing his shit would not help.

"Cragen sent me home. Two days. I took the case hard. He thought, uh, he thought he was helping."

Elliot REALLY didn't like where this was going.

Her eyes flicked to his and she bit her lip and he knew she was struggling to get this out. Suddenly, her voice captured a clinical tone. She was dissociating. Emotionally withdrawing from the memory. God, this was going to be bad.

"He ambushed me at my apartment."

He couldn't hide his swift intake of breath.

She closed her eyes, and shook her head in an attempt to quell the heavy emotion laying raw on display.

She seemed to be working up to something as she struggled to keep her emotions in check.

He startled when she pushed past him off the bed. She stood near the bed's edge, and her eyes were hyper focused on his. "Please," she begged quietly, " don't freak out."

He nodded in reassurance, and she let out a long slow breath before beginning to lift the hem of her shirt.

Her dark eyes held his, and he maintained the contact, attempting to convey all the support and love he felt for her.

With his quiet reassurance, she removed her shirt in one quick moment. The motion felt akin to ripping off a well adhered bandaid.

His natural reaction was to close his eyes, permitting privacy, but she had a reason for doing this, so he kept his eyes on hers.

As she stood in front of him, topless, his breath quickened, and while his intial instinct might have been to keep his eyes on her face, he knew she wanted him to look.

His eyes raked over her body, and his first reaction was to gasp, because God, she was so damn beautiful. But he knew she meant to show him something other than her gorgeous body, and it took a moment but when he looked closely he saw the scars.

She had her eyes closed, and her chest shook with every ragged breath. He knew he had one shot at this. One chance to say the right thing.

He reached towards her and he allowed his fingers to run across the bare skin from her sternum to her belly button. She shivered at his touch.

The ever-present urge to protect her over took him, and he reached her hand. He tugged at her fingers, and she opened her eyes as he pulled her back into the bed next to him. She laid next to him, chest to chest, and her ran his fingers soothingly over her back.

"Do you know how goddamn beautiful you are?" He whispered. He wanted her to know that first. The scars were not inconsequential, but above anything he wanted her to know that her body, scars or no, was incredibly beautiful.

After he let his words settle in, he pressed her very bare chest into his. His heart pounded wildly. He placed a lingering kiss on her head and whispered, "What happened next?"

He let us fingers trace the contours of her spine as she took a minute to just breathe.

"The, um," she hesitated, "scars," she cleared her throat. Her voice returned to a distant, almost clinical tone. "They're from burns. He burned his victims."

His stomach turned, but he had to keep it together. He had to let her get this out.

"I don't want to go into tons of details," she turned her face up so she could better see his. "Jet or someone can pull the files for you. I want you to know everything , but it's just," she shuddered, "it's hard for me to talk about. You know. It takes me back there." Her eyes were on his, burning with intensity. "I never want to go back there."

He nodded and pulled her into him. "I can do that," he agreed.

"It's not pretty El." She kissed his throat softly. "It's going to hurt you. You're going to hate it."

He gulped, and nodded to acknowledge the warning.

Her hand reached for his face and he sighed at the feeling of her delicate hands on his face. "You have to promise me one thing…"

"Anything," he breathed.

She pulled back so she could see his eyes. "Don't run. Don't blame yourself. Don't leave me alone with this. I've shouldered this alone for too long." Tears welled in her eyes. "I want someone to share this burden with me. I'm so damn tired of carrying it by myself."

"Olivia, nothing could tear me away from you. Nothing. Never again," he promised.

She nodded, seemingly unable to speak through her current outpouring of emotion.

He didn't know he was going to say it until the words already left his lips. He only hoped it wouldn't scare her away, "I love you." He whispered into her hair, "God," his voice cracked under the emotional strain, "I love you so much."

Don't worry. We aren't ending here.