Bell anxiously watched the clock. Damn it Elliot. Where the hell was he? They were going to have a talk about ditching work to see Olivia. That relationship must have experienced some sort of evolution over the past few days because he was suddenly absent and distracted.
She texted him, feeling a little irked at his nearly flippant dismissal of work.
We literally just talked about coming to work and answering my calls. Where the hell are you?
She tossed her phone on her desk and wandered over to his desk to see what he had been working on. Maybe he was chasing a lead and just forgot to tell her. Clutter, and a smattering of papers and pictures littered his desk. That flipped a red flag up in her mind. Elliot was impeccably organized. His desk never looked this disorganized. She pushed around some papers and her stomach turned. Shit. The William Lewis Files.
She sorted through the papers and pictures and felt sick. She knew the story, but she never pressed for details. But now? The case files and evidence photos screamed at her in blaring detail. She lifted a photo of burns scattered over Olivia Benson's abdomen. God. It was impossible to draw a line connecting the impervious Captain Benson, and the woman in these photos. Broken and bleeding. She shook her head and gathered the photos into a neat pile before shoving them back into the file. No one needed to see those. She couldn't imagine the invasion of privacy that the entire situation must have been, and now she understood why Benson kept her life under wraps and out of the spotlight. She had enough of the spotlight to last a lifetime.
After gathering everything back into the files she brought them back to her desk, not to view anything, but to keep them away from the curious eyes of her squad.
Knowing Elliot, he had someone pull the files for him. He wasn't super technologically savvy and most files were digital so someone would have needed to print all of the information for him. Jet.
She stuck her head out her office door, "Jet," she called, and Jet's eyes jumped to her in surprise. "I need to talk to you." She waved her over so she knew to come to the office.
Jet gave her a look that fell somewhere between skeptical and annoyed. Ayanna knew not to take it personally. That was just her face.
Ayanna sat in her chair behind her desk as Jet entered the office. "Shut the door." Ayanna wanted to keep this low key.
"Okay?" Jet looked at her suspiciously.
Once the door shut Ayanna held up the files for Jet, "Did you print these for Stabler?" She kept her voice neutral. It wasn't like Jet did anything wrong, she was trying to figure out where Stabler could be.
Jet folded her arms and shifted her weight uncomfortably. "Yeah, he had me pull them Sunday," Jet's eyes filled with empathetic sorrow. "I didn't know about all that. That is some crazy jacked up shit."
"Yeah it is." Ayanna agreed. "Do you know why he had you pull them?"
Jet shifted uncomfortably again. "I mean, he didn't tell me explicitly, but I got the feeling he didn't know anything about the case." Her eyes dropped to her feet and she traced invisible patterns with the toe of her shoe.
How could he not know about that? It was national news. The trial was highly sensationalized, and the story was often used as a cautionary tale in the academy. The dangers of a perp hyper focusing on a person. How could he not know? Even if he missed it while living overseas, his kids had to know about it. What the hell was that all about?
Jet brought her out of her thought spiral."I think he finally found out about it, and needed to know exactly what happened."
"Okay." Ayanna thought for a moment. The file was the unsterilized account of the horrors Olivia experienced. It was brutal. Knowing what she did about the relationship between Elliot and Olivia, she knew he had to be losing his mind. There was no world in which he'd be okay with any of this. She also knew how much Elliot liked to take responsibility for things outside of his control. This had to be killing him.
Jet stood there, waiting for instructions or a dismissal. "You can go, Jet. He's not in yet so I wondered if this had anything to do with it."
"Knowing Stabler, it absolutely has to do with it." Jet headed for the door, before turning back to Ayanna. "I didn't know about this either, you know. I can't believe that happened. I've only talked to Benson a few times, but it seems crazy that something like this happened to her. It's not really fair is it?"
"That's the thing about life, Jet. It's rarely fair."
Jet nodded and her solemn eyes conveyed all the gravity the situation warranted, and she left the office, shutting the door behind her.
If Ayanna was worried before, she was definitely worried now. She didn't think Elliot would do anything crazy, but the man's protective instincts were off the charts, and he was 100 times more intense when it came to Benson. She worried he'd do something stupid or reckless. Those were his two favorite ways to torture everyone in his life.
She pulled out her phone and pulled up her messages from Stabler. He still hadn't responded to her first text, but she figured she sent another one before getting really worried.
Found the William Lewis files on your desk. Take all the time you need. I just need to know if you are okay.
She dropped her phone and tried to study the forms in front of her, but she couldn't contain the gnawing feeling that something wasn't right.
-000-
Despite her best efforts at nonchalance she obsessively checked her phone. While she feared it was all too much for him, deep in her gut she knew he wouldn't bail on her again. But the thought of home leaving made her uneasy.
He was her partner, her best friend, and now, something more. She believed him when he told her the files changed nothing. And this time he promised. When he left her the first time there were no promises, no ties to keep him bound to her. But now? Now they were bound in a way that she knew he would never back off from. But if he didn't disappear on her, where the hell was he, and why was he blowing her off so thoroughly? Something about the situation felt weird, but she couldn't figure out what.
Her mind drifted to their conversation about blind loyalty. Elliot was fiercely loyal to anyone he deemed "his". She treated the subject of blind loyalty as a bad misguided thing, and it seemed like it was, at least for her. While she placed an inordinate amount of trust in Elliot, trust he effectively shattered when he abandoned her, she never wavered in her loyalty to him. She realized that no matter what she would always have his back, and she was certain he would always have hers.
She sighed and decided she needed to give him more time. He probably needed some space to process it all. She quelled the fear of rejection and abandonment and tried to view things from his perspective. She knew he felt guilty and she knew he would take more ownership of the situation than was warranted. It would hurt him, and when he was hurting he withdrew. Give him more time, she thought. She could do that. It took her years to overcome the trauma associated with her abduction, and she expected some level of trauma for him as he learned the details of the case. He needed time to process. He would call when he was ready, but she only hoped it would be sooner rather than later.
-000-
"Damn it. He's still bleeding. Why the hell did you stab him? You're a goddamn idiot."
The voices sounded muddled, and abstract. Otherworldly. This had to be a bizarre dream. His wrists and ankles ached and he remembered he was in the exact same position he was hours ago.
"We could just leave him and cut our losses," another voice suggested.
"Not a bad idea," another voice muttered.
"Of course it's a bad idea. He's a cop. If I'm going down for killing a cop it's not gonna be this guy. Let's just keep to the original plan."
The sound of dissatisfied murmurs indicated the other members of the group didn't agree with the plan, but apparently they weren't calling the shots.
He heard the sound of chairs scraping against the cement floor, and some more grumbling. "How much longer do we have to sit here? All of us don't need to be here. He's taken care of, and it's not like he's going anywhere."
He heard the sound of the chairs moving against the cement followed by the sound of a body hitting the wall. "You'll stay put because I told you to."
The man must have pulled a weapon of some sort because the other man's voice shook, "Fine fine. Okay." More sounds of a scuffle filled the air. "Get off. I need a smoke."
The confrontation settled, and the voices lowered so much that Elliot could no longer hear the conversation. He tried to crane his neck backward to get a better look at the men behind him, but even that minor movement sent stabbing pain across his abdomen. Shit. The words from their conversation finally sank in. He had a stab wound and it was still actively bleeding. No wonder he kept going in and out of consciousness. God. This was not good. Everything began to feel fuzzy again, and he didn't fight it when his vision faded to black.
-000-
Ayanna felt stupid for panicking. She freaked out a couple days ago, and he was just fine. More than just fine, she suspected. Still, he knew better than to ignore her, and after her text messages went unanswered she called several times with no response.
She paced around her office, and wondered if he forgot his phone somewhere. Part of her wanted to call Benson, and see if for some crazy reason he was with her, but she hesitated. She and Benson were friends, but not close. In fact, Ayanna realized very few people have managed to get close to her. Calling her up and asking her if Stabler was with her (and all the implications that came with that) made her hesitate.
She continued to pace and kept talking herself down. Her gut was screaming something was wrong, but she had no idea where to start in tracking him down. Tracking his phone seemed a little extreme and invasive at this point, but she didn't want to search all over the city for him. She sat behind her desk and drummed her fingers nervously. Maybe it was better to ask for forgiveness instead of permission on this.
She stood up and opened the office door before calling for Jet.
