Hey everyone, if you are reading this let me know what you think - feels like I'm just posting aimlessly atm.


Olivia came downstairs dressed a little nicer for dinner hopeful that she wasn't overdressed, but she wanted her possible future in-laws to know that she didn't always dress like a slob in jeans.

She wore a nice and cool black skirt that hemmed just above her knee and a soft, light white linen button down shirt. She tied her hair back off of her face and put a sweep of coco eyeshadow across her lids and lined her eyes lightly before smoking them out at the edges.

She felt a lot cooler after being inside for a couple of hours and and having a luke-warm shower. She found her way back in to the kitchen to check on the potatoes that she had roasting in the oven.

It all smelled so good, she thought.

Trevor was outside watching the kids, having a beer and getting the grill set up over the small man-made fire pit. She pulled the vegetable sticks out of the refrigerator. As much as she tried to feel relaxed, she felt like there was a bit of pressure on her to be well-liked with his brother and sister-in-law. It had been easier when it was casual and they weren't expecting much of her.

Now she was responsible for more than half of the dinner and she wanted them to know she would adequately cook and look after her son and raise him right as well as taking care of their brother.

She felt the nerves bundling up and knotting in the pit of her stomach. "Fuck it," she muttered to herself, looking through his cupboards for some liquor. Beer wouldn't hit fast enough.

"Whoa…" a voice sounded from behind her, "sexy legs Benson…" Trevor murmured. She looked over her shoulder and smiled at him as he came up behind her, resting his large hands on her waist. She smelled so good, he thought. "Wow, you look so fresh and beautiful… and you smell…" he lowered his face down, letting his nose graze against the juncture of her collarbone, "you smell heavenly…"

"Hmmm…" she hummed with a smile, "that feels nice," she replied in her soft silky, slightly turned-on voice. He wasn't aware that the softness just below her ears were the place that drove her insane. She felt the moisture of his lips planting an open-mouthed kiss in that space, his tongue swiping along her skin.

She gasped, her head dropping back slightly. "Oooh," Trevor chuckled, drawing away slightly, wrapping his arms around her, "something tells me that you really liked that," he remarked.

Olivia all but melted in to him, "yeah, maybe you better not do that in the kitchen right before your brother is about to arrive," she told him, resting her arms over his, "I am trying to make sure dinner is perfect."

He let go and spun her around to face him, sensing a little nervousness. He placed the sexy thoughts elsewhere in his brain, making a mental note to spend time on her neck and shoulders when they were alone. "Liv, it's going to be perfect, I promise and if it's not perfect, it doesn't matter, it's just my brother. He's served me a few charred steaks in his time, that's for sure."

"He's your brother and Jen is your sister-in-law but they're not mine and they don't know me and I don't want to be presumptuous but if this is headed in the right direction, I'm going to need them to really like me."

He softened a little for the pressure she was putting on herself. "They already like you. You're wonderful and charming and warm and funny," he listed her traits, "What about if you don't like them? Maybe you'll get to know them and think my brother is a dick and that Jen is overbearing, I don't know?" He kissed her temple, "don't over think it, baby,"

He looked in to the cupboard behind her that he'd found her searching in. "Okay," she sighed, "but I'm really nervous, I can't help it. Before it was casual and this doesn't feel as casual."

"Well, how can I help you feel better?," he asked, "what were you looking for?"

"Alcohol," she replied sheepishly.

Trevor grinned at her. "Wrong cupboard, love…" he let go of her and reached to a tall one that she wouldn't have been able to open on her own. It was above the refrigerator. "What would you like? I have Tennessee Whisky, Vodka or some weird melon liquor … that to be honest, I don't know who it belongs to."

Olivia smirked, "Probably some girl you had here who couldn't handle her whisky."

He laughed and rolled his eyes at her. "Probably Jen's to be honest," he replied. "So Whisky?"

Olivia nodded, "please."

"You just do what you need to do and I'll pour us a drink each."

"Shit, Trev, are the kids outside near that fire?" Olivia thought, with a slight panic.

"No, of course not! It's okay, they wanted to go down to Joey's place, I watched them walk all the way down there til they went inside and I texted Jen to let her know they were coming. They just wanted to get some trucks from his toy collection because they were building a road or something in the grass under the tree," he explained.

"Oh, are you sure that's okay?," she asked, feeling bad for automatically assuming that he could be so irresponsible.

He nodded, "Jen watches those kids like a hawk, I promise."

He slid the drink across the kitchen counter while she checked on everything and handed him a tray with the vegetable sticks. She put the steaks and hamburgers on a plate and covered them over with tin foil and set them aside.

"See?," he smiled, taking a sip of the whisky, "its perfect."

Olivia nearly choked on hers. Trevor grinned, "baby, are you okay?"

She coughed a few times and started to laugh, "shit, I didn't realise you were pouring me a straight whisky, I don't want to breathe fire or be so drunk I can't even stand." He snickered to himself as he took the soda water from the refrigerator and watered it down a little.

"And an ice cube or two if you have them on hand…please"

"Wow, it's like you don't even want to enjoy the whisky," he teased, nudging her gently.

"Wow," she mimicked him, "its almost like you want me to be a sloshed, drunken fool who vomits on the fire and burns everyone up after dinner," she replied in the same, teasing tone.

Trevor grinned with a hand on his hip, shaking his head as he enjoyed his whisky straight, looking at her with amusement. He placed the glass down with resolve, "Okay, as much as I'd love to stand here all day admiring your beautiful, tanned pins," he winked, "I better go have a shower because I don't want to get your little blouse dirty or leave handprints where everyone can see them — could be embarrassing for you," he joked.

Olivia laughed, loving the playful banter between them.

"Sounds like a very good idea because I do want your hands on me," she replied with a half shrug.

He sighed, "wow, you are really… something else," he laughed, almost unable to keep up with her forwardness. He wondered where it had come from and realised it was probably her personality all along, the sexy, flirty girlfriend below the surface once she understood that she could trust him and that he was sincere.

He hoped that's what it was and was relieved that she was able to be relaxed enough to show him that side of her personality. It was fun and sweet and also an incredible turn on.

/

"Mommy why won't Olly's little sisters play with us?" Noah asked softly so that the other adults wouldn't hear.

Jen smiled at Olivia over the table Noah realised he'd been overheard, he wedged himself between Trevor and Liv's chairs at the dining table and buried his face in to his Mom's shirt. Trevor did a double take, he'd been engaged in conversation with his brother about something that she and Jen weren't interested in.

Absently, Trevor reached down and gave Noah's back a little pat. "Honey," Olivia began, "I think Jamie and Jazz are tired now, it's probably their bedtime. It's going to be your bed time soon, too."

"I don't wanna…"

"I think someone else is very tired," Jen nodded in the living room at her own son, sitting on the couch holding a soft truck plushy. Beside him there was a tractor, also a soft toy, Noah had been playing with it — the two boys were loving each other's company. They watched for a second as Olly's eyes fell closed. "Yeah, I think that Olly is done too, babe. He's falling asleep."

"Oh, but I wanted to play," he replied with disappointment, "tomorrow we have to go home and I won't get to see Olly or Trev,"

Trevor glanced at Liv, wondering if he'd missed something. She curled an arm around her son, knowing that he was just inches from tears. "Babe, we're not going home tomorrow, you can still play with Olly again before we go home. We're staying here with Trev for a few more days at least."

"Oh…"

"Noah?" Noah turned to look at him expectantly.

"Tomorrow we're going to see the piglets and maybe you can ride Dolly again."

Noah gave his attention to Trevor and extended his arms around his torso for a hug. Trevor lifted him up in to his lap and took Liv's hand over the top of the table. It didn't go unnoticed by his brother just how attached Noah was to him and just how comfortably he had slipped in to a fatherly role.

Olivia lifted her hand, allowing his fingers room to thread through hers. She smiled at her man who planted a kiss on Noah's temple. He seemed to resign himself to the idea that play time was over.

"He's so sweet, Liv, you must be so proud of the little boy you've raised."

She ducked her head with embarrassment, "I am really lucky. He's everything I hoped for; kindness, compassionate and respectful are the things I just want him to be and thankfully so far so good. Olly has been really patient with him."

"Olly gets pushed around a little at school because he wants everyone to be happy, but we're keeping our eye on that for both counts. I like that my son is sensitive to other people's pain but I don't want people to take advantage of that and kids do," Joey explained.

Olivia nodded slowly, "I agree, I think it's hard finding that balance and knowing when to encourage them to stand up for themselves and to which degree they do that."

"Not like the girls," Jen laughed, "they'll rip each other's hair out and then they're best friends five seconds later."

They laughed and Liv could see that Noah had nested himself in to Trevor, wrapping his arms around his broad chest. She smiled adoringly at the two. "Aww," Trevor murmured, glancing at Olivia to make sure she was okay with her son getting so comfortable with him.

Joey glanced at Olivia and back at Trevor and could tell just how taken by the woman and her child his brother was and he was glad. Trevor's last last girlfriend had been with him for 3 years and he had grown attached to her child who was only a year old when they first got together. His ex had kept her daughter at an arm's length from him the whole three years and it became too much. She was happy for Trevor to provide all the practical things for Amy, but was uncomfortable with her child spending too much time with him or finding comfort in him as a third parent.

He tried to understand, but if they saw any long term future together, it had to change. However, clearly for his ex, she didn't see one, so they meandered along in a relationship for far longer than necessary - one of them feeling more for the other. And unfortunately for Trevor, he was the one who was left heartbroken.

That was a long time ago though, things were different now, Joey thought. Despite him being wary of all women that came in to his brother's life, Olivia seemed different. Firstly, he could tell she was in to him. The way she looked at him when she thought nobody was watching, the way she reached for his hand, or looked for him when he was out of sight. She wanted him to be close to her and she allowed his brother to be as close as he wanted with her son; she trusted him with Noah, Joey could see that a mile away.

Trevor? He was head-over-heels.

Joey knew his brother well and he had never seen him so switched-on for a woman before. He had enlisted Jen's help to clean the house from top to bottom the second he arrived, he wanted everything to be perfect for Olivia and her son. He didn't want them to feel uncomfortable. He wanted them to stay for as long as Olivia's vacation allowed.

He was nervous and excited but seemed calmer now that he'd had a few drinks and everything seemed to be going smoothly.

"So wait —" Olivia spoke up, turning to Trevor and back to Joey and then Jen, "tell me more about your sister, you've literally mentioned her like, three times," she paused, "unless… it's uncomfortable."

Joey laughed and took a sip of his beer and turned to Trevor. "No, there's no bad blood or anything, she's just… not exactly like us. I don't know… Jen, describe Ange for Liv. You're way more diplomatic."

Jen laughed and shook her head, "oh no, I am not doing that."

Olivia's eyes darted around, "Ok, here's what I know. She's ten or so years younger than you both, she hated growing up on the farm and she now lives in London and is a doctor of some description, I want to say a renal specialist?"

"Oh, wow, you actually told her more than I expected," Joey chuckled. He began to peel the label from his beer bottle until everyone's light laughter seemed to dissipate. "No, but honestly, Angela is our little sister and we love her to bits, she was just spoiled, she was the youngest, the only girl, the save-the-marriage baby, you know? Over-indulged to the point of bratty. When Mom and Dad passed, she didn't want to hear about the farm, she didn't want to know about it, she didn't want any ties to it, she's a bit too precious for it all."

"Oh, but surely, none of that is her fault right?"

"Right," Trevor agreed, "it just makes her a little difficult to deal with. For instance, she won't come here to visit. She will only go to Manhattan, she says this place gives her the creeps which we both feel is a little insulting to us and to Mom and Dad… I don't know, it's just little things, but I do love her and miss her."

"Same," Joey replied. "We loved having a baby sister, it was the best,"

Trevor smiled. "I keep promising her I'll go see her in London, maybe one day soon."

"Well, I like London," Olivia informed him, "you know, just for future reference,"

They shared a grin.

"Oh you guys are killing me with the grossness!" Joey made a visible shudder. His wife laughed and smacked him. "Joseph, you would do right to rekindle a little romance," she joked.

"See, I told him the same thing, Jen, you deserve it. Maybe it's time to look for someone better, this guy is old news," Trevor agreed with his brother's wife.

Joey rolled his eyes while Jen and Liv laughed.

"Anyyyyway," she turned to Liv, "Joey and I promised the kids to take to see a Pixar movie tomorrow, we could take Noah too, if you feel comfortable."

"Aww, that's so kind but it's okay, I wouldn't add another child for you to have to organise."

"It'd be fine, we take them to the kids screening and they usually sit pretty well," Joey added.

"I just think its really nice that Olly has another little boy to spend time with, he really is the odd one out sometimes, getting ganged up on by twin girls," Jen put it to her, "but if you're not comfortable, that's absolutely fine."

"It's just that I'm not really sure how Noah would go, truthfully," Olivia replied, "I've only taken him to the cinema once…"

"Well, why don't you have a think about it? No harm if you decide he's a bit too little," Jen told her meaningfully.

"Thanks," Liv smiled.

"We might actually collect these little ones and head home, they seem to have all exhausted one another," Joey told his wife, nodding at the kids.

"Sounds good, I'll grab one, you grab two?," Jen asked.

"Its okay, I'll help," Trevor offered.

"No, it's fine, I can handle my kids, thanks Trev." Joey replied.

They'd already cleared the table after dinner and so their company didn't hang around too much longer. Trevor went upstairs to put Noah down in the bed he'd prepared for him and came back down to help his brother getting the girls together while Jen got Olly.

"You sure you're okay? Will you be able to get through the gate? And the front door?," he asked.

"We deal with three kids every day that you're not here, Trev, we'll be okay, I promise. Thanks for everything guys. See you both tomorrow I'm sure at some point."

Olivia said goodbye and went back inside. Trevor followed back after her. She went to the dining room and got the drinking glasses and empty beer bottles and took them in to the kitchen silently.

"Hey…" Trevor greeted her as she put the items in the garbage quietly and put set the glasses on the sink.

She turned around feeling him behind her. "Hello," she gave him a smile.

"Do you still want to do the sitting by the fire thing or are you tired?"

"I still wanna do the fire thing…. If you're not too tired," she replied.

He took her hand and pulled her close to him, setting his hands on her waist once he'd let go. "Okay," he murmured, kissing her. "I have a little romantic idea, I know its not a date, but I kinda wanna treat it as one…"

"Yeah? Should I go and put something fancier on?," a grin spread across her mouth because she knew he loved what she was wearing, he hadn't taken his eyes off her legs all night, so much so that his sister-in-law had commented on it when they were in the kitchen alone.

"Actually, I was gonna say, go put your pajamas on, get ready for bed and I'll do the same and it'll be a comfortable, pajama date."

She chuckled, "really?"

He nodded, "Yeah, how does that sound? The fire, pajamas and maybe a glass of wine or a spirit."

Olivia nodded, "that actually sounds amazing."

"Okay then," he kissed her, "go do whatever you do before you get ready for bed and I'll come and meet you when I'm done setting up our date, but don't come down until I say…"

She laughed, "Okay?"

"Good," he kissed her and let go of her.

/

Trevor smiled so hard that his face ached when saw how gorgeous Olivia looked in her summer pajamas. She wore crimson silk boxer shorts with white piping around the hems and a matching silk button down top with short sleeves. He couldn't help but to stare at her legs and her bare arms, and the one very deliberate open button at the V of her neck left his mind open to wander.

"Wow!," he exclaimed, "I don't know what's going on, but why does it seem that you just keep getting hotter every time you change outfits?," he laughed as he gave her the once over. She felt his eyes all over and she didn't mind at all. In fact it made her feel good; wanted.

"I'll just get changed outta these clothes and I will be right back, don't move a muscle."

"Okay," she sat on the edge of the bed of the room she was staying in. He disappeared down the hall and she got up, checking in on Noah. She smiled, filled with warmth for the little boy who slept with a fan that Trevor had set up. The white noise helped him sleep and his body temperature ran a little hot sometimes. She covered him over and went back to the room that she had put her luggage in.

Trevor met her a few minutes later, as promised. He wore a pair of grey sweats and a white tank and looked like he'd taken a quick leap in the shower and right back out. His hair was wet and swept back. "Wow, how many showers do you take a day? I have to know so that when I get back, my water bill isn't going to skyrocket when you stay at my apartment."

He was surprised by how much she said by saying so little at all.

He laughed, "it's been a weird night weather-wise, I've been sweaty, I don't want to stink."

He took her hand. "Come on, let's go…"

/

Olivia was surprised and elated when her eyes fell upon the adorable set up he had put together in a limited amount of time as though he had it all planned out. He had set down a picnic blanket and threw down some large cushions and laid out a blanket for them in case they got cold. It was a safe enough distance from the fire but close enough to enjoy watching the flames licking and dancing in the pit. He'd even set out a tiny little table with a few snacks and some gin knowing it was her favourite and two glasses with some seltzer water.

"Oh my goodness, Trevor this is so sweet!," she exclaimed as she walked out on to the veranda that circled the entire house. She took a few steps down toward the blanket around the fire pit, enjoying the soft grass beneath her feet.

He followed her over to the blanket. She turned to him, showing him her big smile. "Thank you…"

"You're welcome," he replied, motioning for her to sit. Once she got comfortable, Trevor got down on to the blanket as well. The weather was a lot cooler than it had been earlier. She got comfortable, tucking her knees beneath her. Trevor turned, looking for the blanket behind them.

"Here…" he smiled, he pulled the blanket over her shoulders, draping it over her. "I don't want you to get cold," he murmured, fussing over her a little.

"Thanks," she replied. He poured them both a drink and passed one to her. She held it in her hands for a moment, taking in the serene moment as the fire crackled before them. "I'm having such a nice time with you — and with your family too, that was a really fun dinner."

He slipped an arm around her, "that makes me happy… I wasn't sure if Joey would be a little too annoying for you."

"I like him, he's pretty funny. He's a more casual version of you,"

"Hmm," Trevor smiled, "I don't know if I should feel complimented or offended."

Olivia laughed, "Sorry, I can see how that might have sounded like an insult. I think you're casual, I just always saw you as being very serious until I got to know you on a personal level and I think you give off this, 'no time for any frivolity' vibe when you're in work-mode…. Joey seems like he always has time for silliness."

"Its okay Liv, I'm not offended. We often got labeled like that as kids; Joey is the funny one, Trevor is the serious one," he shrugged. "I just know my audience, I guess.'

She took a sip of her drink. "The girls and Olly are so sweet," she remarked, "I'm glad Noah has some other kids to play with," she admitted, "it's nice."

"Do you think you'll let him go to the cinema tomorrow with them?"

She thought for a moment, "I guess it would be okay, but I'll ask Noah what he wants to do. I just worry, you know? After everything that happened with Shiela, I am so paranoid…"

"I know, but… I can vouch for them. If that's what Noah wants to do and if you're happy to let him go."

Olivia thought for a moment and shrugged. "I guess it's no different to letting him go with Katja, I can't stop the world from happening, right?"

"Right, I get it though. I remember once I took the girls and Olly to the park when they visited for a weekend. I was giving Jen and Joe a day to themselves and Jamie hurt her knee, just a tiny little graze and I was just helping her to her feet and dusting her off, you know, avoiding a melt down and I turned around and couldn't see Jazz or Oll anywhere and for a split second… this chill of panic just hit me so hard that it made me dizzy. It was only a split second because I realized they were just beneath the slide, but for that tiny moment a thousand things went through my head and I was still jittery for awhile after it."

Olivia nodded, "I think as parents, we experience those moments so often and we should be used to them, but it never really gets easier. When Sheila took Noah, I can't even tell you what went through my head… like that feeling you're talking about times a thousand and I wanted to crumple but I didn't have time to lose it because I had to look for him and I had to find the person responsible."

"That must have been so awful, Liv, I can't imagine," he murmured.

She said nothing, she stared in to the fire and took a mouthful of her gin. The silence fell between them and Trevor let her be, letting her think.

She set her drink down and moved closer to him. "I'll let him go…" she said finally, "if he wants to see a movie with your family… but I hope Jen won't mind sending me updates."

"She won't mind at all," Trevor replied. "Jen's world are those kids and I know they'll have more, she is such a good Mom, her attention is always on them, she's not a phone Mom or someone who's attention is easily distracted from them."

"I know, I could tell. Anyway… I know she's not gonna run away with my little boy so it's fine."

Trevor cracked a smile. "So, I was thinking… depending on what time Noah comes back, if he goes along, I will take him to spend some time feeding the animals and if you want to have some alone time you can, or you can come — but I support either choice."

Olivia smiled, "Oh man… would you be mad if I wanted to sit in your beautiful bay window and read while you guys do that?"

Trevor shook his head, "no, not at all, it makes me so happy for you to have that time, read, take a nap, go for a swim, go for a walk - whatever you want, love, it's your holiday."

"Thanks, Trev…" she replied. She sat up a little straighter. "So tell me, how does a woman get physically closer to you?"

He started to laugh, grateful for the break in the tension. "We-lllll, that would depend, how close are you looking to get?"

She eyed him and returned his smile. Her skin had a beautiful glow from the fire that kept them warm, aided further by the blanket he'd wrapped around her shoulders. "As close as I can," she replied, giving him a loving smile. He moved back a little on the blanket and made a space between his legs for her. He helped her move closer, sitting facing him, her legs across his thighs. "Let's see how long until I make your thighs go numb," she chuckled.

"Don't be so silly," he replied, wrapping his arms around her, drawing the blanket back over her. "This is actually the nicest," he told her, "being so close to you, cuddling you…" he gave a sigh, "I should have spoken up and made a move sooner because this is all I've wanted for months…"

"Me too," she admitted, "this makes me feel secure, none of the other guessing game shit, this is perfect. I know where I stand and I feel confident that our feelings are on the same page."

"Yeah?…" he murmured. He didn't say it but he knew that he was falling hard and fast and he wasn't sure about saying it out loud just yet, but maybe soon.

"Uhuh. Well, at least… I think so—" she paused, insecurity written all over the plains of her face, showing tension lines on her forehead. "Or am I misreading things?"

"No, no, no — of course not," he said quickly. "I just.. don't know if you realise how deep my feelings are," he quipped, a little flush filling out his cheeks.

"I don't think that you realise how deep mine are," she giggled, averting her eyes, leaning in close, burying her face in to his neck as if she could barely stand the embarrassment of him knowing the truth.

He gave her a little squeeze and laughed lightly, loving her softness and sweetness when it was just the both of them alone. He loved that she saved that very vulnerable side of herself just for him and her son. "Why don't you elaborate…?," he suggested.

She planted a little soft kiss on his neck and pulled away, looking up in to his precious, handsome, if not a little rugged face and gave him a smile. "Let's…. Let's just wait a little bit longer to have that talk, if that's okay."

"Sure," he replied and he didn't mind because he already knew that they were on the same page. "Whenever you're ready…"

He reached up and took her beautiful face in his hands, cupping her chin, tiling it upwards to meet his mouth for another kiss. "My lovely Olivia…" he murmured. Another kiss, lingering longer than the last. She watched his eyes staring shamelessly at her moistened, cherry-red lips. "I'm so happy you're here with me," he added, kissing her again, breathing a slow, tranquil sigh. She tasted his tongue, the tip of his grazing against hers before he pulled away.

"I'm happy I'm here too."

"Will you stay the entire two weeks?," he asked with hope in his eyes.

"Maybe," she replied with a shrug. "I could maybe have my arm twisted."

Trevor laughed, "well, I don't want you to force you," he smoothed her face, letting his forefingers graze her the softness of her skin. "I certainly would never twist your arm," he winked.

She smiled, "I'll stay unless Noah gets really bored and starts acting up, if he starts acting up it means it's probably time to take him home."

"I can tell you, give him a day or two and he will forget about screen time and TV time, he will love it. My brother and I always found stuff to get up to when we were little," he told Liv, "I just think it's such a healthy environment — he'll enjoy leaning about the animals and being on a horse and making his own fun."

"I hope so, the air is clearer, he hasn't asked me for the iPad one single time which is nice."

He continued to stroke his hair, pushing it away from her face, unable to keep her hands off of her. She loved it, she loved that he was so tactile, his fingers through her hair, fingertips tracing the frame of her face, and losing themselves at the back of her neck. His touch gave her goosebumps; an exhilarated feeling within that she didn't want to end.

He paused to sip his drink again. She took it from him and took a few mouthfuls before handing it back. He smiled, "Liv…"

She glanced up to meet his eyes as he wiped a tiny bit of gin from the corner of her mouth. "Yeah?"

"I love you," he murmured.

She swallowed hard, not daring to avert her eyes, not even for a second. She was magnetised. The words hit her hard as her mouth went dry and the gin settled on her tongue. She let the air back in to her lungs and slowly she let back out; slow. It was what she wanted to hear; the words that she felt like telling him as soon as she they made their physical connection.

"Wow, thought we were gonna have this conversation later," she murmured despite being surprisingly unperturbed by his words like they both expected her to be.

It was the months of connected with him intellectually and on a personal level, feeling comfortable to share so much — all she had been waiting for was the physical side of things to catch up and they finally had and it wasn't disappointing.

Trevor was worried that he'd spooked her as she stared wordlessly at him. "How can you be so sure when we haven't even slept in the same bed or … you know?" A little smirk crossed her mouth.

"I just know," he told her with a little shrug, "I don't have any qualms with my abilities. Do you have any qualms with your … abilities?"

Olivia smiled seductively, "none, actually…"

"So there you go, it's possible to be in love with you without making love to you," he paused, "but don't get me wrong, I really do want to make love to you."

She laughed, "Oh yeah?"

He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and nodded, "Yeah, but no rush…"

She reached up to caress his face, running her fingers through the bristles of his beard. "I love you too," she said finally.

"Are you sure about that? You haven't even seen me naked?," he winked.

Olivia chuckled, "Is that something I should be worried about?," she started to laugh.

"I don't know, maybe I have a tiny p-" Olivia clapped her hand over his mouth as they both erupted in laughter at his silliness. "Don't say it…. I don't think you're going to have that problem."

He wrapped her tight in his arms and drew her in, cuddling her close. "No," he told her, "I don't think it'll be a problem,"

"Hmmmm," she smiled as he kissed her cheek, pulling the blanket up over her shoulders. "So can we start our life together now…wait, are we official?," she asked, "or do you still want to date the other women?"

"Oh, very funny, Olivia Benson, very, very funny," he replied, poking her in the shoulder, "If you can keep those other guys away from you long enough, I might be able to call you my girlfriend," he added.

They exchanged smiles. He leaned over, not being able to resist her lips. "Yeah right," she murmured against his, letting her words hang in the tiny space between their lips. "You're mine now and any other woman will have to fight me," she replied.

Trevor laughed, "that's kind of a turn on, you know," he murmured, pressing his mouth against hers for the shortest, softest kiss.

She kissed him again, letting her hands find the back of his neck as she became eager to taste his tongue, probing his mouth open with hers, working her lips against his. He kissed her back hungrily, teasing her just slightly by breaking the kiss every so often and pulling his head back when she went to recapture it, smiling his knee-weakening smile at her until he his mouth obliged her again. He lost his fingers within her chestnut locks and let the tension fall from his shoulders.

The hard part was over, he told himself, speaking their feelings out loud was done. They loved each other; it was mutual. He hasn't expected it to feel so easy or so natural. But it was easy and it didn't have to be too serious but serious enough to know they both meant it.

He felt her kneeling between his legs, allowing herself the ability to wrap herself around him as their kisses grew frenetic and a hand slid down her back, his fingers tracing the dip of her spine until he found the intimate space just on the waistline of her boxers.

She pressed her chest in to him and slowly lowered herself back to her backside, her knees hurting from the ground beneath the blanket that they were sitting on. Trevor lifted her so he could slide his legs under her til she was sitting on his lap, her legs straddled around him. "Is that better?," he asked, breaking the kiss, "are you more comfortable like that?"

She nodded, "yeah," she replied, "yeah that's better."

Once again he pulled the blanket up around her that had slipped off when he noticed her shivering. "You cold? We could go inside?"

"No, its okay," Olivia replied, "I like being outside with you, this is nice."

She saw his hands resting on both of her knees, caressing the bare skin just above them. She could barely handle what that feeling was doing to her. She wanted to force his hands higher and the very thought of that made her start letting her mind wander elsewhere.

Trevor watched her staring at his hands without a word. "Sorry-" he apologised, removing them, wondering if his touch was perhaps a little too intimate.

She shook her head and looked back up at him. "Don't be sorry, your hands on my skin is …. Very … okay," she smiled.

"Good," he replied, "for the record, I'm okay with that too," he added with a little chuckle.

Without another word, his hands rested back on her knees, creeping further to her thighs and she let her hands find their way up the back of his shirt. Her hands were cold and he almost jumped. Olivia chuckled, the laughter evaporated back in to their kissing. She felt his hands searching her thighs to her backside. He pulled her closer to him, her hips against his. He couldn't help himself, he squeezed her ass beneath his large hands.

His hands all over her felt so wonderful to her, a feeling that she had forgotten but quickly came back to her, reminding her of how good it could be and how touch-starved she really was. She kissed him rhythmically, unable to help the way her hips involuntarily rolled against him with need … and want. It was almost unbearable for Trevor, his pants grew tight and the way her fingers nipped in to the flesh of his back made him very, very aware of just how much she needed him.

Slowly he eased off, he slowed the kisses, changing the pace until he closed his lips, ending it. He was breathing hard, his instinct was to keep going, to match the eagerness right up to his bed, but he pulled back, it was one thing to give in to what she wanted during the heat of passion, but when that dissipated, he didn't want her to feel cheapened by having sex with him the second they'd drop the L word and the second that things began to get a little physical.

It wasn't that he didn't want to, it was just that it wasn't what he was about and he desperately wanted to prove that to her.

A few dates earlier, Olivia had told him about a guy she matched with on an app that she felt that she had really clicked with. They had texted nonstop for days until they finally met and she had a good feeling about him and slept with him and he only bothered himself to respond to two further texts afterward.

He didn't want to give her reasons to think he could be anything like any other man she'd been with before. He didn't want her to sleep with him because she thought it was what he wanted or expected - or something that she had to do in order to keep him around.

He wanted everything for her and he wanted everything for Noah too. Perhaps he was overthinking it, but it was all he could do to respect her and at least enjoy the romantic time and the times where kissing and cuddling didn't have to lead toward anything else.

They both knew that at a certain point in a relationship where people began having sex, there was far less emphasising on affection and making out without it all leading elsewhere. He always tried not to be that way, but sometimes it just couldn't be helped. It was nice to have some mystery and excitement for the moment.

Maybe the next day would be different, but for now, he was happy to make out and take in the fact that she was finally and wholly his — that she loved him and he loved hers.

"What's wrong?," she asked softly.

"Nothing's wrong," he replied, kissing her mouth again and again. She stared at him, worry crossing her face. "Promise," he added.

"Why did you stop?," she pushed, wondering if maybe she was seeming a little too desperate. "Am I being too much?"

He shook his head, lifting just one of his hands from her amazing ass. He pushed the hair from her face gently, "No, Liv, you're never too much, you're absolutely perfect," he responded.

She lowered her eyes and he could tell that she wasn't happy with his response. She didn't believe him. "Tell me… what's wrong? Did I put you off?"

"Liv, listen to me," he said sincerely, lifting her chin, "nothing is wrong, you didn't put me off, you are perfect, I just think that we could …just cool things off."

"Do you not want me?," she asked, staring at him, wondering what the problem was, she couldn't help but take it all a little personal, "I just thought-" she stopped herself, dropping her hands from around him. "Wow…" she breathed.

He didn't know how to navigate his feelings without her thinking maybe less of him or thinking that maybe he was being stupid. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her side-ways with him.

"Trevor stop it," she protested, pushing him away but he held on to her until they were laying on the blanket. "Don't— what are you doing? Are you trying to upset me?"

"No, of course not," he told her sincerely. He went to kiss her but she turned her head. "I just don't want to…" he sighed knowing that the only way to stop her from internalising anything was to just be as honest as he could be. He tried again, "I love you. I really care about you, I want us to have a future together and I am conscious of us sleeping together the very first night you get here, having you wake up regretting it or feeling some type of way other than happy with all the choices."

"It's just sex," she replied.

"No, but its not, its not just sex to me and I know it's not just sex to you. We've had these discussions, Olivia," he reminded her gently, "you've told me how sometimes you just go along with things because you're a people pleaser, that it's been your MO and sometimes you do regret it and I told you that I can be the same— and I wasn't just shit talking."

She avoided his eyes and let out a frustrated sigh. "Why does it feel like every time we reach a milestone, you hit the brakes?," she wondered, "it honestly just makes me feel like shit — like you're saying the right things but you-"

"Stop it," he interrupted her, "I know you are sitting here thinking that I'm talking shit, that I don't mean what I say, but if anything, I just don't want to fuck things up, I don't want to rush it, I'm not talking about moving at snail speed either, love, just…"

"But I really, really want you…" she murmured, able to give him the tiniest of smiles.

"You're telling me that if we had sex right now, right here you'd feel happy with that decision in the morning?"

"I mean, my body is ready right now," she told him bluntly, "my brain will catch up and if it has any reservations in the morning, I'll remind myself that you love me, and that you're not planning on running off like anyone else might."

"The fact that you just implied that you could have reservations in the morning is enough for me to feel like we should just enjoy each other's company and enjoy the romance and the hugging and kissing and… I don't know, I probably sound like the most un-masculine man in the world," he laughed in spite of himself.

Olivia considered his words carefully and it dawned on her that maybe he wasn't ready and it wasn't just about her and what she wanted. "I'm sorry," she said at last, "this isn't just about me," she glanced at him unable to help feeling a little a little disappoint despite how galant his reasons.

He passed her a pillow and watched her gratefully take it, propping it beneath her head, in a tangled up in his limbs from when he had laid down awkwardly beside her. "It doesn't make you sound un-masculine, just maybe a little thoughtful and choosing to not think with your penis,"

He laughed. "Its not that I don't want to," he told her honestly, "because I am very passionate about you, but… you know, when you get in to a relationship there's so much physical romance that its nice to have that — I don't know," he felt a little frustrated with himself, "do I make any sense at all? Or do I just sound stupid?"

She smiled, "I think I know what you're getting at. You want a kiss to just be a kiss and a cuddle to just be a cuddle or an ass grab or a boob touch to just be that for now and when its right whether it be tomorrow or in a month, neither of us will wake up questioning if we should have just waited a bit longer."

"Yes!" He propped himself up on his elbow, "yes, its exactly that, this is why you are perfect for me, I don't even have to make word sense, you just get it…"

"Word sense," Olivia repeated with a laugh, "You're so fucking cute."

She felt a little better because she did understand what he meant and she respected it. Even if there was a little bit of residue embarrassment about the way she had pushed him for more. He took her chin in his hand and kissed her slowly before pulling away. "Hey…" he murmured in a soft tone, "every bit of you was so hot when you were kissing me before," he told her, wanting to build her back up, knowing that she was feeling a little embarrassed. "I liked your body against me, your ass in my hands…" his words made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. He kissed her lips again and planted a short series of them along her jaw to her neck.

She tilted her head to the side ever-so-slightly. "I know I'm going to like the rest of you under my hands too," he spoke, letting his words vibrate against her ear. Goosebumps rose all over her flesh as she shrugged him away with a little giggle.

"Stop—" she protested weakly, "this is not a nice thing to do to a person," she complained.

He laughed, letting his lips meet the shell of her ear. "It's true," he told her drawing away. He reached down and pulled the blanket back up, spreading it over both of them. Propping a cushion beneath his own head. "Are you still happy here with me? Or did I really fuck it up?"

Olivia shook her head, "I'm fine, I'm glad to be with you…" he put an arm across her waist and drew her closer until their faces were inches apart. He searched her eyes, letting silence fall between them as he stroked the curve of her hip, letting his thumb brush along the fabric.

She let out a content sigh. "Its so beautiful to look at the stars out here, the sky is so clear, it's amazing."

Trevor reluctantly peeled her eyes away to stare at the sky too. Olivia rolled on to her back and stared at the dark expanse above her as thousands of stars sparkled like diamonds for as far as she could see.

"Did you know there are over 9000 stars that are visible to our naked eye?," he asked, finding her hand beneath the covers and lacing his fingers through hers.

"I did," she smiled at him. "I love looking at the stars…"

"Maybe I could take you and Noah overnight on a camping trip out where it's even more still. We could sleep out like this beneath the stars and have a fire and enjoy our time in the wilderness."

"What about bears?," she asked.

He considered it for a moment and she had a point, "We'll stay on the property maybe just further away from the house, there's more chance of us getting attacked by a champagne cork, promise."

Olivia smiled, "I think Noah would like that actually."

"And you?," he pressed, "would you enjoy that?"

"Yeah, I would enjoy any time spent with you and my beautiful little boy," she replied.

"Okay, maybe later in the week, I'll keep my eye on the weather," he resolved.

They lay for a short while longer, chatting quietly until Olivia started to get sleepy. He could tell by the way she spoke slower and when she took longer to answer him, he realised she was falling asleep. "Baby, wake up…" he stroked her face gently.

Olivia's eyes immediately opened. "Baby, we should go to bed…"

"Okay," she agreed, slowly sitting up. Trevor got to his feet and helped her up. "Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"Don't apologise… I'll fix this up," he told her as she leaned down to pick up some cushions. "Promise, it'll take me five minutes, just go and get in to bed."

She went to argue but he was insistent so she left him to it and went to brush her teeth.

/

Trevor found his bed empty. He knocked on the closed bathroom door but no answer came. He opened up the door slowly and realized Olivia wasn't in there either. He made his way down the hall and knocked gently on the door that was left ajar.

"Come in," she was sitting against the bed-head in the dim light of the lamp looking at her phone.

"What are you doing?" He wondered, a little confused, thinking that they'd already decided she was sleeping in his bed with him. He was excited to go to bed beside her and wake up next to her for the first time.

"What do you mean?," she looked genuinely puzzled.

He took a seat on the edge of the bed. "I just thought you were going to come and sleep in my bed with me," he reminded her.

"Well… I don't know, it might just be better if I sleep here if that's okay," she replied, shifting uncomfortably, feeling a little guilty, but going off what he had said back downstairs, she didn't want to be unfair.

He felt a little hurt and he knew it was about what had happened earlier. He'd wished he'd just kept his mouth shut. Olivia could see the disappointment cross his face. "Is this because of what happened before?"

She thought for a moment before answering him. "Trevor, I'm not upset with you, I don't think we should do anything until you and I are both ready, but…" she paused trying hard to communicate well, "if I'm honest I feel a little hurt and I don't know if I'll be confident enough to initiate anything with you going forward because now I'm scared of rejection."

He let his eyes fall shut with regret. "I wish I'd kept my fucking mouth shut," he muttered, "I feel like I was trying to be honest and it's been blown out of proportion."

She locked her phone and put it up to give him her full attention. "You were just being honest with how you feel Trev, I'm not mad at you for that, but I'm also just being honest with you about how I feel as a result."

He frowned and she did feel bad. "Then… why do I feel like I'm being penalised for trying to put you first before me."

"Trevor, I know this is not beyond you — it's really hard in this world for a woman to feel confident physically, there's always …something and if it's not how you feel within yourself, it's the comments that others make or it's what we see on TV; or it's how we are told we are supposed to feel by society. There's a part of me that…" she paused, "that feels like it was stolen from me after what happened with…," her voice trailed off and she dared to meet his eyes. She knew that he would know what she was getting at, "and I worked so hard to just convince myself that it's how I feel about me, not how others feel about me, certainly not you."

"I think you're perfect," he insisted, letting his words fall out of his mouth like a desperate attempt to fix things.

"Before you came along, my self-esteem took a hit but you have been building me up," she gave him a smile, "I feel confident around you, you make me feel really beautiful again and I've even started feeling more confident in myself and Olivia benson from five years ago would have never had open discussions about love, it would have had to have been a text message like a teenager, she would have never discussed wanting to have sex with you or telling you that she wanted you to grab her boobs," she gave him a smile, reaching for his hand to hold, "and that confidence I have with you to feel like I can say or do whatever just came to a screeching halt, you asked me if it was okay to touch my thighs and I consider ass grabbing, thigh touching — all that is intimate right?"

He nodded slow, starting to feel genuinely terrible but he was at least thankful that as time went on, she was getting far better at sharing her feelings than she had been when they first met. "You let me think that was where it was headed and so I wanted to show you how in to it I was and the second I did, you pulled the plug and it left me feeling unwanted, in all truth."

"How do I fix that?," he asked, hating the way he'd made her feel, "that's absolutely the last thing I ever wanted to do. I just— in my mind I'm scared that something I say or do is going to make you regret being with me in any capacity and I have a lot to lose," he explained, "I started to overthink it and I had this image in my head of you waking up beside me feeling like you'd made a huge mistake."

Olivia stared at him for a moment.

"I got in my own head and I'm so sorry," he apologised.

She realized that she wasn't the only one who guilty of overthinking and self-sabbotage. "Come here…" she waved him closer. He edged further up. Olivia opened her arms and pulled him close to her, his head rested against her chest as she leaned back. She stroked his salt and peppered hair thoughtfully. "I think I get it," she replied. "I think in the back of your head, you're overthinking all the things I've shared about my past, about the way men have treated me— and I think you're trying to save me from that with you."

"Yeah…" he agreed, wrapping his arms around her waist, very much enjoying her holding him for a change. He felt grateful that she wasn't trying to pick a fight, but trying to communicate with him. He felt her lips on his temple.

"I don't need you to do that. What I need is for you to trust my own decision-making. Just because I was kissing you in a way that let you know that I was ready for more, doesn't necessarily mean I was planning on having sex, but if that's where it ended up, then so what? I love you… you love me."

"I know, but I didn't want you to think that's why I invited you here."

"I didn't think that — it hasn't crossed my mind a single time," she replied, "but Trevor, I need you to trust that I'm an adult and I don't need protection from my own decisions."

"Okay…" his voice trailed.

"If you didn't want to have sex or move at the same pace, I understand, but that needs to be about you and whatever decisions you want to make because of your feelings," she told him, "I know you're not the kind of man who wants to control a woman, so please don't police my decisions because I don't want to second guess myself."

"I'm sorry that I did that, it wasn't to be controlling, it was … in my head I was trying to look out for you."

"I know," she agreed, "but I don't need that. You can look out for me in other ways, like… if there's a snake or a bear or … if I get a cold or the flu or injured at work," she tried to joke.

"Don't even kid about with that work stuff," he told her seriously, "I wouldn't know what to do with that."

Olivia smiled, "Well, you know what I mean, you can look out for Noah and I, but just don't question my judgment, that's all I ask."

"What if you accidentally ingested meth and you wanted to rob someone's house to get money for more meth?," he enquired with a completely serious expression.

"You could probably just spot me $50, meth isn't that expensive if you know who to buy it from. Maybe set me up with a long-term orthodontist."

He started to laugh, "I love you," he sighed, "I'm really sorry."

"Its alright," she replied, kissing his temple again. "I love you too."

"Please don't stop yourself or hold yourself back physically from me, I want you to exhibit all the confidence that you have when you're with me. I don't want you to feel like you have to be insecure about anything."

"I'll try."

He tilted his head back to look up in to her face and smiled, "You're pretty hot, baby," he told her, "when you were kissing me on your knees and I had my hands on your ass…" he chuckled at the memory, "if I hadn't been so caught up in my own head, I would have responded in a very, very different way."

"Oh," she smiled, "I felt the way you responded, Trevor, you may have been lost in your head, but your body wasn't…"

He laughed at her cheekiness and was so grateful that she was back feeling less self-conscious. "Hmmm," he smiled to himself, "would you please come and share my bed with me tonight?," he asked, "I really would like to be next to you…"

"Okay," she agreed, "but I'm just warning you that you'll probably wake up with a four year old staring at you."

Trevor chuckled again, "Actually, I kinda welcome it. Your son is the cutest, Liv, I love him."

She smiled, feeling her insides turn to mush when he was sincere with her child.

He slowly got up and helped her out of the bed. She grabbed her phone and checked in on Noah, leaving his door ajar so that she could hear if he woke in the night.

Trevor guided her down the long hallway to his own room. "I'll leave the door open a little," he told her, "just in case."

She got in to his bed, the covers were cold and she couldn't wait for him to get in and warm her up. "Just gonna brush my teeth," he told her.

Finally, he thought with a sigh as he took his shirt off, feeling her eyes all over his chest. He got in to bed beside her. "Oh, your skin…" he remarked, feeling her shiver, "you're so cold," he remarked. "Come here," he commanded.

"Wait… I can try to be as sexy as I want, but there's no way I can sleep in a bra…" she remarked.

Trevor laughed. "Shall I avert my eyes and think unsexy thoughts?," he grinned cheekily at her.

Olivia laughed, "I'm not getting my clothes off Trevor, I'm very skilled in the art of flinging my bra out of one sleeve hole"

"I'll bet," he teased.

She reached behind her back with both hands and expertly unclipped the red-lace bra she had worn just in case. Trevor noticed the look of relief and almost pain as her breasts relaxed, free from the bra.

"Stop staring at me!" She complained, as she reached in to her opposite sleeve and pulled the strap down over her arm and let it disappear through the hole. She did the same and out with it, was the red lace bra, appearing like magic.

Trevor started to laugh, "Its trickery, I swear it…"

She laughed too as he took the bra from her and held it in his hands. "Mmmm, I missed out on this, huh?," he asked with amusement, letting his fingers run over the lace.

"Yes, that's what you missed out on. I chose it just for you, actually."

"Wow, I really shot myself in the foot…" he breathed out regretfully. Finally, he peeled his eyes away, trying not to think about her breasts filling out the generous cups. He handed it back to her. "I hope I'll get another chance. Do you give out second chances?"

She smiled at him, folding the bra and putting it at the foot of the bed. "I do tend to give second chances when I know that I will directly benefit from that second chance too," she told him with a little flirtatious smile. He was starting to determine when she was flirting, even if she was unable to.

"Good, I'd really hate to miss out." He added, leaning over to kiss her, "now come closer so I can warm you up…"

Olivia did as she was told and Trevor tried very hard to put the very idea of the silk of her pyjamas being the only thin, flimsy bit of fabric that separated his chest from the softness of her breasts against him. It felt a little too good; a feeling that was too long forgotten.

He drew in a silent deep breath and let it out again as he kissed her temple. "Goodnight Olivia, I love you. I hope we're okay."

"We're okay. I love you too." He reached up for the light and turned it out.