hi guys firstly thnak u for the comments u have left for my last chapter, i love reading them they make me feel really good about continuinng this on. i apologise in advance if there are any errors but im unwell at the moment and feeling too vague to pick up anything. if i reread when my brain is feeling less fuzzy and there are mistakes i will try to edit. until then, plz enjoy this chapter i hope u like it...
"Look how cute they all are…" Ange remarked, looking over her neice's and nephews all asleep in a row on the living room carpet. "I can't believe how big they are," she sighed, "I feel like such a piece of shit for not being around to enjoy them…"
"Don't be silly," Jen replied, "you're here now… we're not gonna let you go back to London without a fight."
Jen handed Olivia and Ange a rum and cola each. They circled around the kids and headed back outside to sit around the fire. "Wellllll," Ange told them as they crossed the threshold, "I'm not going back to London any time soon, I haven't got any grand plans of going anywhere quickly," she blurted out. Both Olivia and Jen exchanged looks.
"Are you on a sabbatical?"
She nodded, "sure," she flipped her hair. Olivia knew there was more to it, but kept it to herself.
"What's Robert doing?" Jen pressed her, "he's okay with you being here?"
"Robert's working," she replied. Angela turned, glancing at them both over her shoulders. She let out a peel of awkward laughter, "shit, I wasn't intending on getting this drunk and throwing all my cards out there.."
Jen put a hand on her shoulder, "kiddo, we might need to talk…"
"Nah, not right now, I wanna drink and have fun and enjoy seeing all of your beautiful faces…" Angie replied. She made her way to her brothers who sat side-by-side on a bench in front of the fire chatting away.
Olivia and Jen watched her wedge herself between them. "I missed you guys," she told them both with a smile.
Trevor smiled at his sister, hiding his concern behind the joy of seeing her. Jen and Liv sat down and Olivia sipped her drink slowly.
"We missed you too, kid," Joe told her putting an arm around her and drawing her close to him. He kissed the top of her head. "We were just saying how glad we are that you're here…"
"Something's going on," Jen murmured to Liv.
"Yep," Olivia agreed. "My detective radar is going off. Something's happened. She's not telling you something."
"I'll get it out of her…" Jen replied. "Anyway, how did you go with your baby making earlier?"
Olivia laughed, almost spitting her drink. "That's not what happened…"
"Oh bullshit… you guys went straight back to the house and got a lil sexy. You can barely keep your hands off one another as it is in public."
Liv rolled her eyes, "he's nowhere near me right now, is he?"
Jen looked at her watch, "Yeah but it's just a matter of time. I could set my clock by it."
She rolled her eyes and laughed. They fell silent, watching the siblings chat. "Do you think I'll get pregnant?" Liv asked a little vulnerably.
Jen looked at her to gauge how serious her question was. "Yes, Liv… but, you've only been trying for what? Two days?," she smiled, "I think you're gonna be fine. It's too early to start feeling alarmed."
"I know but I just think about… you know, all the times I've had sex and never once in all the times where…" she paused, "I've made a stupid choice to go unprotected or the condom has split or… I don't know, I loved my partner and let him go commando — and not one single scare."
"Oh, honey, it sounds like you're just lucky. You don't have endo or p-cos or anything like that that might stop you from being able to conceive do you?"
She shook her head, "No…"
"Then you're going to be fine… it can just sometimes take a minute especially if you were on birth control."
"Actually, I was just a casual taker of birth control," Olivia laughed sheepishly.
Jen turned, looking at her face, her jaw falling open, horrified, "Olivia!," she admonished her, "what do you mean?"
They both laughed, Jen in disbelief, Olivia with a little embarrassment. The three siblings looked up, catching the shock in Jen's voice.
"What?" Trevor asked, "what happened?"
"Nothing," Jen said quickly, her laughter drying up, "nothing at all…"
"They're dirty talking about us, I can tell," Joe remarked loud enough for them to hear. "Hope you're telling Liv about what a stud I am…" he teased his wife.
Jen rose an eyebrow, "Oh yeah, you're a stud, hey baby let's get roman-" she stopped and started making a loud snoring noise as they all fell in to laughter.
"Yeah that's true, actually… I'm a tired old man," Joe shot back.
"Notice that all men think that all the conversations women have are about them? Like, we can't just be talking about the time I car-jacked a civilian to go after a homicidal maniac!?" Olivia shot back to Jen, loud enough for Trevor, Ange and Joe to hear.
They all laughed. "Seriously?" Joe asked, "Did that really happen? You made a civilian give up their car?"
"Yep," Olivia chuckled, "probably more than once, if I'm honest, but in the time that I'm thinking of, I actually crashed that Audi so hard in to the assailant that I had whiplash for a week, a dislocated shoulder and a huge gash on my arm that needed stitches."
"Wow, did you intentionally crash in to him?" Jen asked, intrigued.
"Yes," she grinned, sipping her drink, "it was either that or letting him go and continue burning through Manhattan putting other people at risk."
"Badass," Ange remarked. "Did he get away?"
"Oh no," she shook her head, "he actually ended up on the hood of the car and got taken to hospital under armed guard, he got justice."
"That's not exactly justice," Trevor interjected.
She shot him a look, "I know you love to save the world one trial by jury at a time, Trevor, but unfortunately sometimes karma is just. The fact that this piece of shit ended up in traction and probably had to get assistance, relying on other people maybe for a long period of time is a justice I will take. He raped and brutalised two women and held a teenage girl hostage for a week and did goodness knows what, so yeah, I'd say it was justice and maybe not even harsh enough for my liking. If he lost the use of his dick or his penis got cut off, then maybe I'd have called it even."
Trevor stared back at her for a moment with everyone else silenced by how serious and personal it had suddenly become. Trevor knew deep down all of the reasons why it affected Olivia and felt so personal to her.
"Okay," he replied simply. "You're right."
"I mean… to be fair, if something happened to Jen or my girls I'd probably murder the person responsible and not lose a wink of sleep over it," Joe pitched in.
"That's true," Trevor replied. "If anyone did something like that to anyone I care about-"
"But it shouldn't be just people you care about, you should care about all women, all teenage girls, all children," Angela replied, "I don't mean you should want to murder and take justice in to your own hands, but we should all care as much as Olivia to protect women…"
"Bingo," Olivia pointed at Angela, "that's my job and it's my life now and so when I see someone who is repeating a pattern of behaviour, who is purely evil from the inside out, I'm going to act as part of my job and as a woman who will protect other women and other females."
"And this is why you so good at what you do. Your job isn't just your job, Liv and that's admirable, but its a big fight that you'd have to surely understand why some people just become apathetic…" Joey pointed out.
Olivia shrugged, "I get it, I don't agree with it, but I do get it. There have been times where the fight becomes like a whack-a-mole and you feel like giving up, but I just think — one person, one woman, one victim at a time — changes no matter how small are changes all the same. It's why I don't think I can quit," she replied, coming to the answer to the questions she'd been plaguing herself with days.
Trevor registered her remark and realised what she was saying. He couldn't help feeling both madly in love with her but also disappointed for what that would mean for their lifestyle. Though, he thought, he had promised to make it work, and he would no matter what.
/
"Did you like my sister?" Trevor asked Liv as they got in to bed.
She smiled, "Yeah, she's lovely and so beautiful, you Langan's could all be models," she laughed.
Trevor rolled his eyes. "I hated it when she was a teenager, boys everywhere. I wanted to beat them all senseless but … I had to let her live her life, lucky she had Jen looking out for her, Jen was a lot less violent than me."
Olivia grinned at him, "I can imagine you being a buzz kill for her, overwhelming all those poor little guys that would come sniffing around."
"Exactly," Trevor replied. "That was the plan."
"I liked her, she's got something going on… she made a few little comments to Jenna and I…"
"Yeah, her boyfriend left her, she said things were going badly for awhile but I find it a little hard to believe. I've only met him a handful of times but she fell in love with that man so hard and so fast, she was so giddy over him even after so many years, so I'm sure her heart is broken…"
"Oh the poor thing," Liv remarked, "I forget how young she is, but really, she's still so, so young… She's what? Ten years younger than you?"
He nodded, "Yeah, her birthday is four days after mine and she's 12 years younger than Joey so she's turning 28 this year and I'm turning 39…"
"She seems a lot older…"
"Mom and Dad passing made her grow up really fast, I guess but she hasn't really dealt with it. When I took her to see Maple she started to cry, she told me it's so hard to be here because it brings back too much stuff — she wants to avoid her grief but I think part of her problem is that she's not dealing with it…" he shrugged, "I don't really know how to help. She closes off so fast when it gets brought up, today was more than she's shown me in years."
"She sounds like she's a lot like me," Olivia murmured, "but there's always one person who you will trust to tell that stuff to, maybe it was her ex boyfriend, you know, when you find the right person, you let your guard down, but being dumped or burned or abandoned by someone is actually the one thing that will make you less likely to try again."
Trevor frowned, "and here you are…"
"Mmmm," she stared at the ceiling, "but the fear is palpable some days," she added.
"I hope with time that will ease," he replied, "I understand your fears not being within your control, but I hope that you know that I won't leave you."
She shrugged, "its the part when you get comfortable, when you feel like, 'Oh, okay he's not running, despite all my luggage I've brought to this relationship, he hasn't run yet' and you get comfortable…. And then they run and you're blindsided and left feeling stupid and foolish and unable to trust your own instincts."
"I didn't know you felt like that, Liv… that's awful that you feel like you did something wrong in the past because you didn't, honestly," he remarked, feeling terrible for her. She turned to face him and could see the worry lines that creased his forehead.
"It's not that I don't trust you," she said quickly, not wanting him to think it was anything he did wrong. "Its more about me,"
"No, I'm not upset, it just makes me feel so sad that you feel like you're constantly in a state of fear of abandonment."
"When people continually leave your life, Trev, it's a thing. Honestly, it doesn't always have to be a lot of people either — maybe your sister feels like that after losing both your parents so young and with death comes the loss of other people when they focus in on their own loss, so even if nobody has really done wrong by her, that abandonment feeling maybe illogical, but it doesn't make it less of an issue for her."
Trevor nodded thoughtfully. "That probably sounds about right…" he said quietly, "we probably didn't look out for her enough, we were all consumed, it felt like we'd only just lost Dad—"
"Its no ones fault," Liv repeated.
"It doesn't stop me from hurting or wishing things were different for both you and my sister."
Olivia shrugged, "It might not even be that for Angie, I'm only guessing, I'm not a psychologist," she added, "based just on what you've said, it seems plausible."
"In terms of you," he swept his big, green eyes over her smooth, soft skin, "is there anything that I can do that will make you feel less concerned of me leaving you or doing something to misplace your trust in me?"
She shook her head, "Just time, baby…"
He stroked her hair and kissed her lips. "I'm sorry I can't make that feeling go away for you."
"I love that you said that though, that's something," she answered with a little smile.
He smiled back.
"I hope that Angie is okay, I'm sure Jenna and I will have more opportunities to talk to her and find out what exactly is going on."
"Thanks, Liv… maybe she will tell you guys before she will tell us."
"Maybe," she replied.
He kissed her again before Olivia turned her lamp off and rolled over. She felt Trevor scoot closer, resting an arm around her, stroking her hand until she fell asleep.
/
"Olivia put your shirt back on, you'll get burned," Trevor warned her as they walked slowly up the steep incline. She ignored him and stuffed the light-weight long sleeved white shirt in her backpack and enjoyed the white camisole that allowed her skin to breathe. She stopped, looking out over the hills, wondering exactly when she might be able to sit down and eat something. She was tired, her legs were beginning to hurt.
"Can you put some suncream on my shoulders and arms? That shirt is too hot," she informed him finally.
Be grudgingly he reached in to her back and grabbed the small bottle. He took the back from her shoulders and began to pour the cool lotion on to her skin, spreading it out over the back of her shoulders, down her arms and around her neck and chest on both sides.
"Can we forget the walk and do it in the bushes over there?," she asked with a little laugh, nodding to the shrubbery.
"Sure if you want Poison Ivy up your ass," Trevor replied humourlessly.
"Hmph," Olivia glared at him, crossing her arms. "I thought this was supposed to be a date? Why are you so cranky with me."
"You told me you really wanted to come, you've done nothing but complain the whole way since at least 15 minutes in, if I had of known you hated hiking, I never would have asked."
She felt bad and sighed, "Sorry, I just wanted to spend time with you alone, I guess… I agreed because it was you asking me…"
Trevor felt bad too. "I'm sorry too, I won't be grumpy anymore."
"I won't complain anymore. I'm just hot, my boobs are sweaty and I haven't really been on a hike for this long before."
"Well, we're almost there… why don't you jump on my back and I'll piggy back you the rest of the way."
"No…" she laughed, "I'll walk and I'll shut up."
"Seriously," Trevor replied, "you don't think I'm strong enough?," he questioned her with a little grin, whipping off his sunglasses in disbelief.
"Its not that, I think you don't understand how heavy I am…"
"Shut the fuck up," he said with a laugh. He took his bag off his back, "get on my back and don't argue with me, Olivia Benson," he told her, "and I will tell you if this noble steed deserves a rest."
She couldn't help but laugh with him, he was so wonderful natured even when he was irate. She did as he said and he hoisted her on, hooking his arms around her calves. "See, easy!," he muttered.
Olivia laughed, "come on, good gag, you can let me off, I don't mind walking, you proved your point Mr. Muscles."
"Nah, I got you as long as you're okay with my bag."
She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and decided to just go with it. "Tell me when you need a break from carrying this monkey on your back," she joked.
"We're good baby, stop worrying. I'll tell you."
/
"Okay," Trevor told Olivia as they got to the top of a hill. He had carried her for almost 30 minutes, protesting each time she tried to insist on getting down. "I'm gonna make you walk this next few minutes because we're almost at the place I wanted to show you…"
"Wait, is that water?" Olivia asked him as silence fell between them. Trevor grinned at her, sweaty and hot. "Wait, are you kidding me? It sounds like running water…"
"Well come on then, better come and find out…." He took her hand after taking his backpack back, sucking down mouthfuls of water.
They walked downhill, the gush of water getting louder and louder as they followed the track right down for another five or so minutes until they rounded a corner and the most beautiful fresh water river appeared. "Oh my goodness!" Olivia gasped. Trevor knew, he knew it would all be worth it - he knew how much she loved to be near water, how beautiful it was and how secluded it could be. "Wow," she was gobsmacked. "Is this like a total secret!?," she asked.
"Mmm not really, I just know that if you don't cut through our property, its a much longer route, so here we are… was the hike worth it, love?"
Olivia laughed, "Sorry I made you carry me, yes this is definitely worth it." She looked up at the rock wall where the water gushed down. "How far up does that go?"
"Honestly, not that far up, it's just a stream that ends up in someone else's property but it's so beautiful, right?"
"Is it swimmable?," she wanted to know, "like, how deep?"
"It's deep, closest to the rock face, but you can stand in other areas," he told her. The river that the waterfall gushed in to wasn't exactly huge, but it was a steady stream, but not strong enough to cause a current or wash anyone away.
"I wish I brought my bathing suit…" Olivia replied regretfully.
"Just swim in your shorts?"
"Oh yeah and get chafe walking all the way back," she laughed. They continued walking further down to the edge of the water where, if they chose, they could step straight in to.
Olivia looked at Trevor with a little glint in her eye. He knew the look; it was slightly mischievous. Her smile widened to a broad, cheeky grin that made his knees weaken. "What?"
She pulled her hat off her head and placed her backpack aside and crouched down to unlace her boots slowly and carefully. She took her socks off and then undone the button at the front of her black shorts and pushed them down over her legs and put them aside.
"What are you doing?," he asked.
"I'm going to swim," she told him, pulling the camisole over her head, putting it down next to her shorts. "Come on Trevor, live a little…"
She turned with her back to him and reached behind her, unhooking her own bra and tossing it down beside her and slowly wiggling her underwear over her backside before kicking them up behind her.
Trevor's jaw was on the ground along with her discarded clothes, "Liv! What if someone turns up?"
"Lucky them," she glanced at him over her shoulder and winked.
He couldn't help but be immediately turned on by how little she seemed to care, how little self-consciousness she had. She took a few steps in the water as he watched, a dull ache becoming evident in his pants. She dove in without a care. He couldn't deny himself the indulgence of watching with great delight as her smooth backside and thick thighs were the last to enter the water.
He waited for a moment before she resurfaced with a huge whoop of happiness, facing him, her full breasts staring back at him as she slicked back her beautiful chestnut hair.
He loved her carefree attitude and it felt contagious. "How is it?," he asked, "cold?"
"Perfect," she replied. "Are you gonna get in?"
"Yeah… but it might be the smallest you'll ever see my dick…"
She laughed, "shut up, just get in with me… I wanna swim over to the waterfall."
He started stripping down too until he was completely naked. Olivia watched with a little smile, excited for their private time. He stepped in to the water and made a face. "Liv, this is cold!"
"You just showed me how much of a big strong man you are by carrying me all the way up that awful incline and it's the water that's going to weaken you?"
He laughed and shook his head. He decided to take the bull by the horns and dove in, swimming fast, the shock of the water on his hot and sweaty skin making him move faster in an effort to warm up. He appeared a few meters further in from Olivia. She paddled over to him and wrapped her arms around him. He could stand but she was struggling. He felt her legs sliding around his waist. "Oooft, Olivia," he chuckled, "warn me when you're going to do something like that…"
She smiled, ignoring his half-assed protest. "You're so fucking sexy, did you know that? Even with cold water penis."
He laughed, "Oh, that's how it is…" he ran his fingers through her wet hair, "you think it's okay to treat me like that? To make fun of my shrivelling?"
She threw her head back and let out a peel of joyful laughter that echoed in the air. "Yes, it's very fair…" she told him, stroking his beard, running her fingertips through the bristles in a way that felt wonderful against his skin. He leaned in to it, letting his eyes fall shut for a moment. "Mmm that's nice," he smiled. "Lucky, this makes up for the teasing…"
"Does it?," she wondered, feeling his hand stroking her back. "Still cold?," she pressed.
"Nope, warmed up a little, I think…"
"Mmm that's what' I thought," she kissed him softly, letting her tongue part his mouth, exploring his own.
Olivia kissed him tenderly, letting her tongue slide between his thin, pink lips. Trevor's strong arms tightened around her as he felt her tongue exploring his own. He wanted her so much, but he knew sex in water just didn't work.
For the moment, he was more than happy to just kiss her and enjoy the feel of her naked body against his in the water. It was romantic and heady and he could feel the joy just radiating from her being. It didn't take long for the shrinkage that he'd been a little self-conscious about to remedy itself - he was unable to help it, with her pressed hard against him as she shifted herself comfortably against him. Her hands trailed from his face down to his shoulders, gripping him a little tighter as they kissed.
It was no secret to her that he his body was responding to her and she felt happy about it. His hand ran down her back until he found a handful of her curvy backside, pulling her against him. She broke off the kiss, gasping involuntarily.
He loosened his grip, despite how bad his body wanted her, he didn't want it to lead to sex - not yet. He wanted to savour the perfect and serene moment between them.
Olivia could sense Trevor's hesitation. She glanced at him, her eyes flicking up to meet his, "what's wrong?" she asked, aware of the fresh water from the waterfall lapping against both of their bodies in tiny ripples.
"Nothing," he smiled, "I just-" he paused, glancing at her delicious, full lips, sweeping his eyes up to meet hers, "I want you, but I just want to be in the moment with you. You look so fucking gorgeous and I certainly never expected you to want to jump in here naked," he chuckled.
She grinned back at him. "Full of surprises, aren't I?"
"You keep me on my toes, that's for sure and I have zero complaints, love."
She stroked his bristled cheeks. "I love you."
"I love you," he repeated.
She leaned in, kissing him again, this time her kisses were softer, lingering and a little more intimate rather than eager and urgent. He loved her gentleness and sometimes her soft touches turned him on more than her passion.
She broke away and smiled at him. She released her legs from around him and nodded toward the waterfall that was just a short distance away. She could see that if she needed to rest there were some rocks she could hold on to.
"Let's go to the waterfall..." she suggested.
There was no way Trevor was going to disagree with her, before he could respond she had let go and began to swim, diving beneath the surface of the crystal clear water. He swam above surface, following her, taking his time as she appeared again, looking back to make sure he was close.
He watched her clutch on to a rock as the water cascaded down right on top of her. He grinned, hearing her squeal as he caught up to her. He took her hand as soon as he found secure footing beneath him on a rock. He pulled her close, his arms tight around her waist, pushing her wet hair from her face as they laughed, positioned directly beneath the water that sounded surprisingly louder than both had expected.
The water felt good as it hit their skin, feeling like the drops hitting their skin. They grinned at each other. Olivia clamped her eyes shut and lifted her face to the water and let it rain down over her. She felt a little overwhelmed by the beauty of the river and the company that she was keeping.
She felt his hands smoothing her hair back again.
He loved the way her hair clung to her neck, he couldn't keep his eyes off her glistening wet skin - feeling lost in his feelings for her. She noticed him staring at her, his eyes watching the water's spray as she wrapped herself around him - her breasts visible just below the surface and her cleavage leaving nothing to his imagination.
They kissed softly as the cool droplets made contact with their skin. "I love you," she murmured, her lips just a micron from his, "this is ... perfect. You are perfect."
He drew her in so close that his arms crushed around her, hugging her tightly. "You are," he replied as if it was a challenge but neither disputed the other any further. He held her for a few minutes beneath the spray until he slowly relaxed his grip on her. She was aware of his hands smoothing her arms, surveying the woman that he loved so much.
"I can't wait for you to be pregnant…" he said gently, "I can't wait for Noah to have a brother or a sister, for Olly and the twins to have more cousins and for us to just start living our dreams together…"
"Me either…" she replied. She felt his lips brushing against her neck. She smiled and let her eyes close, enjoying him.
After a short while, they swam back over to a more shallow part of the river where Olivia could stand, carefully walking along the wet, moss-covered rocks beneath the water. "Come over this way, carefully," he warned her, holding her arm to steady her to make sure she didn't slip or fall. It wouldn't have mattered, it was still covering her chest, "we can come up this way and it gets shallow and you can sit on the rock without wearing the brunt of the waterfall, you'll just get a nice spray."
"Have you ever been in here before?"
"Yeah of course, so many times as a kid, we were always warned never to come here without Dad or Mom but of course we never listened. Joe used to steal Dad's farm beat-up when he was at work and we'd drive around from the other way," he explained with a laugh.
"You can kind of…." He pulled her cautiously, "head this way and you're on the other side and can get up there…" he pointed to a higher point, "but the water is stronger, so you be really careful. I don't want you falling,"
"Its okay Trev, I've got it," she told him, letting him guide her to steadier ground. They took slow, trepid footsteps, climbing up further and further until both Olivia and Trevor were only in waist-deep of water. "Here…" Trevor pulled her toward him to a rock. "You can sit on this… might feel weird on your butt," he chuckled.
Olivia sat, letting the water lap against her chest, knowing that Trevor was quite happy to see her perfectly buoyant boobs above water. "Oooh it does feel weird," she made a face. He sat too, putting an arm around her. "Is this okay?"
"Yeah…" she smiled, "perfect, thanks."
"So…. When we get back, I was gonna head in to town for awhile so I was thinking maybe we go and get a drink and just have an hour or so to chill out."
"I love the sound of that, but I'm very conscious of dumping Noah on Jenna, I don't know if it's fair," she replied.
Trevor understood, "we could bring him, of course, Liv, especially if it's bothering you, but I do want you to know that my sister is in love with her new nephew and you saw her this morning, she's done with adults she is obsessed with her nieces and nephews."
"I know but… sometimes I feel like, just because you look at Noah like your son, doesn't mean your family does- like, maybe Ange doesn't feel any familial connection to Noah, so she might just want to spend time with her blood relatives."
Trevor cocked his head. "Well, she's going to have to get used to it, because Noah will officially be her nephew and I will never let anyone treat him any other way, especially not when we have a baby."
"Oh Trev…" she murmured, looking away, "I love how sweet that sounds but… maybe you will feel different when we have a baby…"
"Hey," he said seriously, almost reproachfully. "Olivia, I've known Noah since he was came to your life and though I never thought we would be in this kind of a relationship or that your son would start calling me his Dad and feeling that connection so quickly, I get it and I understand it and this deep seeded feeling that's always dwelled within me to be a father absolutely basks in this feeling of joy and unconditional love whenever he reaches for me, wants to hang out with me, follows me around and that bit that makes my heart turn to fire is when he tells me he loves me and I didn't think I'd be able to feel that so soon, but I do and having another kid won't change that, if anything, my capacity to love has grown deeper since having the two of you with me… I will never treat any baby we have as "real" to Noah's "non biological," I promise you that."
Olivia loved how passionate he was over her son, it made her feel better and less panicked about the whole thing.
"So," he continued, "we can go and get Noah from Jen and Joe's and take him to town or if Angie and Jenna are quite happy, and trust me, I know when both of them are lying, we can leave him be for another few hour or two."
"Okay," Olivia relented. She looked at him, his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled. "I love you, thanks for telling me that."
"I love you too, baby."
They sat for a bit, chatting until Trevor could see she was getting a little cold. "Can we come back here?," she asked, "I'll be better prepared with bathers and a towel."
Trevor laughed, "I like this impromptu naked swim a little better, if I'm honest."
"Well, at least a towel," she replied.
Trevor pointed to a long, brown rock that looked a little like sand stone. "We can go sunbath on that rock til we dry off."
"Sounds good…" she replied.
Before he had a chance to say a word, she dove off the mossy rock beneath the water where she was sitting and disappeared beneath the water. He went after her, wanting to stay close, feeling overly protective of her since the river wasn't exactly a familiar body of water to her.
She surfaced again a short distance ahead of him and smiled back at him, "come on, hurry up or we'll never dry."
/
Trevor couldn't help but to laugh at the situation. He turned his head to look at Olivia, smiling as she faced the sky, arms up behind her head, completely naked - her knees peaked together pointing toward the sun. "I never thought you'd be this comfortable being naked."
"Why not? Should I be ashamed?," she asked lazily, enjoying the sun warming and drying her skin.
"Absolutely not… I'm just saying…"
"Its you, I love you and I trust you and … I'm not worried about where your eyes are going when your mouth has seen it all too," she smirked.
He laughed again, "That is a very good point. I am glad you feel this comfortable," he replied, reaching for her.
"I mean, let's not go crazy, I'm not that comfortable, I'm laying on a rock sunning myself like a fucking lizard," she joked.
He grinned at her. "At least you're drying quickly…" he let his hand smooth over the softness of her stomach.
"Yes, I am," she replied, "are you?"
"Yeah… I'm drying," he replied, reaching over, pushing her sunglasses off up to the top of her head. She smiled lightly. He inched closer, half rolling on to his hip to kiss her. She kissed him back softly. "Mmmmm," he moaned against her pink lips.
It was always a turn on when she felt the vibration of his lips to hers, when he groaned, when he gasped, when he liked something that she was doing — always voicing his pleasure one way or another. It was different to the last partner she had, who stared intensely at her, making it either comical or just plain weird, asking her to talk about his dick to him to get him off faster.
With a brief feeling of revolt, she concentrated back on the man that she was with and that she loved.
"What's wrong?," he asked, noticing the look of momentary disgust.
She shook her head, "sorry, just had a dumb thought, it was nothing about you," she assured him, "and trust me, you don't want me to share it with you."
"Oh…" he pulled away, "sorry,"
"No, no… keep kissing me, it's nice," she urged him. He rolled fully on to his chest, propping himself up on his wrist, resting the other hand on her hip as he kissed her, just as she had asked.
She felt his hand traveling up, cupping her breast in his hand as he prompted her lips apart with his tongue, kissing her slow and rhythmically as his large hand explored the curve of her supple flesh. She enjoyed his light touch, it was a huge turn on the way he took his time, his foreplay game was always bordering on torturous. He loved to tease and touch until she was begging for him to bury himself within her.
She whimpered in to his mouth, feeling his finger tips circling her the edges of her nipples, avoiding the hardening bead in the centre before moving on to the other breast, paying them both equal parts attention.
"Fuck, are we really going to do this here?," she murmured a little breathlessly as he broke the kiss, planting hot, soft kisses down her jaw.
"Uhuh, I think so…" he replied, between kisses, "It would be a shame to be able to," he paused, covering the flesh of her throat, swiping his tongue along her skin. "Watch Olivia Benson, pure sex, undressing right before me," he paused again, paying special attention to her collarbone, letting his tongue spend a little time in the one spot, "and skinny-dipping." He took her hand gently, guiding it to his crotch, giving her enough time to protest if she wanted to.
Olivia realised that he had a full erection. She chuckled and kissed him back, "Wow…all that from getting in the water naked?"
She slid her hand up and down his shaft, gripping it firmly in her hand the way that he liked. He eyed her momentarily, she could tell his logic was getting lost in the blood that rushed down below, "yeah…" he uttered, letting his eyes close for a second. "I don't think you realise how gorgeous you are…"
He kissed her again, a little more urgently moving further down, to focus his tongue on her body's contours, letting his hand go back to touching and stroking her breasts. As he covered the mound of flesh with his warm mouth, he began his exploration down south, rubbing her thighs, running the tips of his fingers over her hips until Olivia begged for him to touch her.
Her words were caught in gasps as he pushed her legs open gently, sliding his hand between them. She groaned, not bothering to even try to be quiet as he stroked her, closing his lips around the bead of her nipple.
She felt Trevor's fingers disappear within her, sending a warmth that spread throughout her body. He could feel her arousal, he couldn't help but to smile at her as her eyes were clamped shut and her hand gripped his shoulder with need. He planted a few kisses on her face before going back to her breast.
Olivia rolled her hips with his fingers moving inside of her, trying to take more of him. She didn't care how uncomfortable, she wanted to feel his erection filling her up, reaching the part of her that caused her body to convulse involuntarily.
"Trev…" she whispered.
"Mmm?"
"Trev… I want you,"
"What do you want?," he asked teasingly.
"I want you buried inside of me," she told him bluntly, "please…"
He chuckled, not needing to be asked twice. He climbed between her legs, lifting them slightly as he knelt, lifting her ass, "are you okay?," he asked, knowing that she couldn't have been comfortable.
"Yes…" just do it… make it fast," she told him with a laugh, "this is not the ideal position."
"We can try something else?"
She shook her head, "Just… I need you now…"
He didn't offer any more suggestions, he buried himself within her, trying to find the most comfortable spot for himself that wouldn't mean pain the next day. He thrust inside of her, enjoying the nerve endings of his erection sending off little bursts of pleasure immediately.
It wasn't just her body in the sunlight, it was the serene setting, the sound of the waterfall, the privacy, the fact that he realised just how truly confident she was within her own skin.
Olivia did her best to meet his thrusts but it was hard to do much with his arms linked around her thighs, holding her slightly suspended as he moved in and out of her, going deeper when she demanded it.
It didn't take long for him to come and even less time for Olivia. He almost collapsed on top of her, but instead, used his palm to keep himself raised up over her. He caught his breath, kissing her mouth and face and collarbones, enjoying the feeling of remaining inside of her.
Olivia was breathless and ready still writhing around.
"Even our quick sex game is a high standard," she laughed, catching her breath.
Trevor laughed too. "It is… you know now we have to jump back in the water? Or at least I do."
"Yeah…" she agreed. "Fuck it, let's jump back in and then we'll head back.
/
Olivia was exhausted when they arrived back to the house. Her legs were sore and so were her thighs from having sex in an awkward position. It had been worth it though, she thought with a little smile.
"Mommy!" Noah came bolting from a distance. She felt Trevor tugging at her backpack. "Let me take this baby, you say hello to Noah."
She thanked him and made her way toward Noah and Olly who were riding bikes and scooters. He had jumped off his and run for her. She had to admit, it was a nice feeling. She waved to Angela and Jen as Noah reached her.
"Hi babe! Are you having a good day?!," she asked, continuing her walk over to the other girls and Olly.
"Yes!," he grinned, "but I missed you so much, Mommy, where did you go?"
"Oh, we went for a really, really big walk, honey, Mommy's legs are so tired," she told him, "Did you know Daddy had to give me a piggy back!"
Noah threw his head back and laughed at the thought, "you're too big for Daddy to carry!"
"I am not!," she argued, "you're lucky your Daddy is a giant and he's so, so strong with super big muscles!"
"Is Daddy gonna come and play with me and Olly?" Noah asked.
"Maybe, honey, but we're a little tired, how about we just sit and watch for a little while? Would that be okay?"
Noah nodded.
"Okay, give Mommy a big big big big Noah Benson cuddle and kiss and you can go back to playing with Olly because I think he's waiting." Olivia smiled at Olly and waved. "Hi Olly!"
"Hi Auntie Livvy!" She couldn't help but to smile at how quickly the kids took to calling them her aunt. She set Noah down and held her arms open to the other little boy. Without hesitation, he lifted his arms up, not used to getting carried around with two other much smaller sisters. He lapped up the attention. Olivia hugged him. "Have you had a good day too?"
"Uhuh! Auntie Livvy, I love your hair, its alllll pretty and wavy."
"Awwww, you are so sweet! Thank you," she told him, kissing his cheek and saying hello to Angela and Jen over his shoulder.
"Are you and Noah gonna continue riding the bikes?," she asked him.
"Uhuh!" He nodded, "maybe Daddy will take us in the pool later."
"Oh that'll be fun," Olivia smiled. "Maybe later on Uncle Trev and I will go swimming too."
"What do you think?" Ange asked, "looks like Uncle Trev already took a certain someone," she paused and made air quotes, "swimming". She and Jen laughed.
Olivia rolled her eyes and set Olly down to go back to his game with Noah. "You are both gross," she told the women as she took a seat with a happy, content sigh, "but you're not wrong…"
Angela made a face and Jen just laughed. "You guys ended up at Logan Falls didn't you?," Jen asked.
"I'm not sure, does it involve a waterfall? Because yes, it was amazing…"
Jen laughed, "Ange and I took the horses there for her first six pack of wine coolers, didn't I?"
"Oh my gosh, I forgot about that…" Angela laughed, "yeah you did, that's so bizarre that you did that, you were so responsible otherwise." She looked at Liv, "I was barely fourteen!"
Olivia's eyes widened, cocking her head at Jen. "Lucky the state of New York has the statute of limitations, I could handcuff you're ass…"
"You should be so lucky," Jen playfully flirted. Angela could already tell that they had a close connection as she watched their super familiar interactions. She didn't feel jealous or upset about it, but an inherent need to stay closer to her family and to allow herself the indulgence of being close with what she was certain would be both her sister-in-laws.
She watched her two nephews playing. If her big brother Trevor had no problems forging a genuine connection with Olivia's son, nor would she. She loved her brothers so much and hadn't realised the extent of how much she missed them til she arrived home. Even though it was triggering her on-and-off to be home, she missed Joey's silliness, the abundance of laughter that they were able to share given that their sense of humour was similar but she missed the gentleness of her second eldest sibling.
Joey never had a lot of time for her teenage emotions growing up - it was a time when their relationship was polite, he would tease her until he realised she was a sensitive teenager and without their gentle jibing one another, there was little left to discuss at such vastly different stages of their lives. Trevor on the other hand was always compassionate, always the brother to go to when she was in trouble and could count on him not to get mad or try to lecture her. When she was emotional, Trevor was never worried about her tears nor was he ever shy of affection for his little sister. He gave her the kind of advice that her father sometimes was too emotionally distant to give after her mother passed.
She didn't want to be too far away from Trevor or Jen and Joey anymore.
Or even Olivia for that matter.
"So Trevor wants to go to town for a few hours to … I don't know, go shopping, look around and honestly my legs are so sore," Liv complained, "and I know I'm going to have to carry Noah because his little legs are super slow…"
"Leave Noah here," Angela said with a funny expression, "maybe Trevor wants to wine you and dine you, maybe the wrong order of events today, but all the same," she smirked.
"Okay number one, I don't know you very well yet, but it's not fair that you are following Jenna's lead here," Olivia laughed, "and number two… my kid is going to forget me soon," she replied.
Angela stared for a second, "Oh, Liv, sorry, I didn't mean to be inappropriate toward you, sorry, I was just being stupid—"
Olivia's face softened immediately, "Noooo, I was kidding too…" she got up and came and sat on the bench beside Angela and wrapped her arms around her, "I want you to tease me, it makes me feel like one of you guys and I love that Trevor has a little sister because I've always wanted a little sister," she glanced at Jen, "and a slightly older sister," she flashed her a smile.
Angela hugged her back, Olivia was a gentle and warm-hearted woman, she thought, it felt good to finally have some affection back in her life from her family. She'd noticed even Joey had softened too and that their conversations could be more frank than emotional and in some cases, she needed that if she was going to explain to someone the extent of the mess her life felt.
"Thanks, Liv… just in case I say anything thoughtless or stupid, just tell me to shut up…or fuck off," she added quietly.
"Never," Liv smiled at her warmly.
"You are so sweet, Olivia Benson," Jen grinned at her.
Liv felt her face heating up, "that is not how anyone in Manhattan would describe me," she laughed despite her embarrassment.
"Well, I think we're getting to know the real you away from the shield, not Olivia the bad-ass justice warrior, but Olivia Benson the person. You are soft and warm and incredibly kind and so, so compassionate — but I saw when we went out that you're not to be effed around with and neither is anyone else that you love."
"Thanks Jenna,"
"See, even that," she glanced at Angela, "she calls me Jenna, and it's so effing sweet, despite how insane my Mom was, it reminds me of the way my Mom spoke to me when things were good when I was small," she explained, "it's really nice."
"What's really nice?" Trevor asked, appearing behind his sister and Olivia who were sitting side-by-side. He placed his hands softly at the base of Liv's neck, caressing her skin and the hair that was wavy from drying naturally. His fingertips tickled her, she had to do her best not to shrug him away for the goose flesh he was causing upon her arms.
"Your girlfriend," Jen replied, "I was just embarrassing her by telling her how sweet she is, we love her, we've met a lot of stupid girlfriends in our time, some that we've wanted to throw to the mountain lions, but Olivia is staying, so you guys better hurry up and do some vows or something."
Trevor laughed, "I don't know, Jen, it sounds like maybe you'd like to exchange vows with her?"
"Nah," Jen waved his suggestion away, "no offense Olivia, but I prefer penises."
"MOM!" Olly shouted, picking up on the word.
"That'd be right, doesn't hear me tell him to pick up his room or his toys but this he hears," she muttered while the other three laughed, "Yes Olly?"
"Mom, I have a penis," he told her matter-of-factly. "Don't I?" Angela nearly spat her drink out while both Trevor and Olivia held their laughter back.
"Yes, you do. But you don't need to tell everyone about it unless what? It's an emergency or you get hurt, right?"
He nodded.
"I have one too," Noah said quietly, standing before Olivia, resting his arms on her legs. She smiled, running her fingers through his curls.
"Yes you do, honey, but we don't really talk about our private parts with anyone except Mommy or Daddy if there's a good reason…" she reminded him.
"Okay great, now that we've all discovered we have private parts," Trevor announced, "Olivia and I are thinking of going to town-"
"We know, we've discussed it," Angela replied, "how can you walk for three hours and then think about going to town, I'd be exhausted."
"Oh, are you too tired, baby?" Trevor asked, worry lines crossing his forehead as she looked up at him. She could tell that he obviously wanted to go for whatever reason. She didn't want to let him down.
"No, its okay, but I just need to get changed, I probably smell…"
Quite frankly, Olivia didn't stink, and he liked the look of her dressed in cuffed shorts that hemmed upon her thighs and a simple white t-shirt that he could kind of see her black bra beneath.
"You don't smell," he replied, "I think you look fine, hot even…"
"He's right, you look like an outdoorsy, hot farm girl," Angela replied.
Olivia sighed, "Okay, but… you promised me a cocktail or something, how am I gonna get a nice cocktail while dressed like this? What establishment would let me?"
"Uhhh the Outpost? You apparently fit right in there…"
They laughed. "Okay, are you sure I don't need to shower and change?," she got up, checking with the girls.
"You look fine," Jen promised her, "And you can honestly leave Noah, he's keeping Olly amused, I'll have to play with him if you take away my sweet, sweet little lifeline of peace," she insisted.
They laughed, "Okay, okay… thanks. Text us if you need anything."
"I need some alcohol, I've been drinking everyone else's and I am really avoiding going to town because I don't want to run in to anyone and have awkward conversations," Ange replied.
"OK," Trevor told her, "text me what you need."
/
"Okay so… I need to go and get something, I wanna take you on a little casual date — so can you wander down that way?" He nodded toward a strip of shops. "And I'm gonna head the other way, but don't look back because I don't want you to ruin the surprise I have for you."
She glanced at him warily as he let go of his hand. "Seriously?," she was curious and slightly suspicious. "To get what exactly?"
"Olivia, please," he cocked his head, "I really want you to just do as I'm asking without any argument or weirdness," he laughed in spite of himself. "Please just go and find a store to have a look at something in and I will be right there."
"Okay, okay," she held her hands up. He hooked an arm around her waist and smiled, towering over her. He kissed her lips, ignoring passersby. "Thank you."
"You're welcome I guess…" she replied. She loved the way he always looked at her, his piercing eyes seemed to sweep over her face, taking her in as if he wanted to inhale her. Sometimes it was so intense that it made her lose her breath. She kissed him again and let go. "I guess I'll see you soon."
"Love you," he replied.
"I love you too, don't be long."
/
Olivia's lower back was starting to hurt a little from all the walking and possibly from the position on the rock back at the falls. She wandered slowly down the quiet street enjoying the friendly people who seemed to always say hello as she passed. Curiously, she found a community notice board that took her attention.
There were a lot of odd jobs aimed at teens or babysitting advertisements. Something caught her eye. Volunteers wanted: women's crisis centre; In Developing stages, looking for anyone who has previous experience dealing with women in crisis, domestic violence, rape/sexual assault, or who is willing to gain experience; compassionate and passionate people wanted. The was a phone number attached that Olivia took a photo of. Even though she had no intention of getting too involved, she was a little curious.
/
Olivia was so happy to finally sit in a booth with Trevor in the quiet bar. They both felt famished from the long walk having not had much since their sandwiches and fruit on the trip back home. They ordered some shrimp egg rolls and some hot wings and a beer each.
"I could still eat more," Trevor told her, "do you want some cheesy bread or some loaded fries or something?," he wondered.
"Mmmm stop, you're making me feel like eating like a sow," Olivia replied humourlessly.
"Don't be crazy, I want you to eat, we are both tired from the walk, we need food energy. Do you want nachos? Do you want something else?," he wondered.
"Mmmm, yeah nachos, extra jalapeños please," she smiled.
He grinned and picked up his wallet, leaned over and kissed her. "Baby, I love you," he told her.
"I love you too, sweetheart," she replied, as he leaned in and kissed her again, lingering, light and letting his tongue taste hers briefly.
He left her to go to the bar to order her her favourite vodka cocktail. He ordered their food. He took a moment to take a deep breath. "It's not an engagement ring…..yet, but why do I feel so fucking weird about giving her jewellery?"
He took a swig of a beer and waited for Olivia's cocktail.
"Hey, Trevor? Langan?" He glanced up from his phone to see a guy he found to be familiar. An old high school colleague maybe — he realised suddenly what his sister meant, he really didn't love it when someone wanted to stop and chat from his past life.
"Hey," he smiled, "Yeah, in the flesh,"
"Wow, you haven't changed you lucky son-of-a-bitch, you don't recognise me, do you?" He man asked. He was tall, heavy-set, wearing a worn t-shirt and a pair of dusty jeans and boots.
"I'm sorry, I don't… probably had my head up my ass too long," he replied.
"Mike," he told him, holding his hand out to shake Trevor's. Trevor shook it back. "Mike O'Flannery, I was the captain of our Baseball team in our Sophomore year…"
"Of course, of course, nice to see you, how are you doing? Still in town?" Trevor asked, taking a swig of his beer.
"Yeah I'm good, just working over in Oakfield, got my own garage set up and a couple of mechanics working for me."
"Great! Good for you, now I know where to take my car when it's playing up," Trevor smiled at him.
"What about you? Didn't you get a scholarship to go to NYU? What are you back here for?"
"I did, I studied Law. I live in Manhattan most of the time but Joe and I still have the farm so I spend a lot of time out there when I'm not in the city."
He heard his phone chime back. He glanced down for a moment and saw Joe's response, "What woman is going to not love a bit of jewellery, lock her down Trevor, I'm telling you, she's the one for you, you're the one for her. I'm not saying rush in to a wedding, but don't fuck it up with your insecurity."
He glanced back at the man before him. "Wow so you're one of the smart ones. I heard your little sister went off to become. Doctor."
"She did," Trevor smiled.
"Well, we'll have to catch up for a beer some time."
"That absolutely sounds good Mike. You know where to find me or Joe - sorry to run but my better half is waiting for me to come back," he told the big guy standing in front of me.
"Okay great to see you again, Trevor, you're looking good man, I'm glad you did well for yourself. We'll get together one day for a beer."
"You bet," Trevor smiled, feeling a little humbled that he had all but forgotten the guy before him who had recognised him and seemed genuinely interested in chatting to him longer. They shook hands before Trevor left him to it, taking Olivia's drink with him to the booth.
Olivia watched him as he approached looking heavenly, looking like he was no longer the uptight lawyer she had got to know, but rather a rough-and-tumble farmer who spent his days herding cattle and riding horses between harvest. She was sure the last few years of work had made him broader, his arms bigger and his body taut and muscular, because she hadn't remembered him to look so strong.
In saying that, she thought, he was always head-to-toe in designer suits.
The man did know how to dress, she thought. He slid in across from her at the booth and slid her blue and purple icy cocktail across the table. "How's this?," he asked, "I have another one on order to come out with the food because I know you're going to mow that down in about three sips," he smiled.
She laughed, "You already know me so well…"
He looked down at the few bags he had on his side of the booth. "Liv, I am really nervous about this…" he began, glancing up at her as he put a hand in to the right bag and curled his fingers around the square box.
"About what?"
"I have something for you…I had it designed when you were in Manhattan for work, I had some suggestions and help from Noah too, so it's from both of us…"
"Oh? Well, now I'm curious."
He sucked in a deep breath and pulled it from the bag and placed it on the tabletop. "Its not an engagement ring, I really want to be clear about that, I don't want to freak you out with that right this second," he smiled, "but its not because I'm not ready to marry you, but because I think for both of us, its not the right time…. But this is a gift that— if you wore it on your engagement finger, it's just a promise, I guess" he felt himself rambling a little with nervousness.
Olivia was smiling broadly at him, watching his cheeks grow warm and rosy. She reached for his palm, realising it was a little sweaty. She threaded her fingers through his and gave it a squeeze. "Ughh, I'm terrible at this, I had a whole speech planned but… I just ruined it," he laughed in spite of himself.
"Honey, you don't have to explain yourself for not wanting to buy me an engagement ring right now, I don't think it's the right time for either of us, we're planning for some huge changes in our lives, its okay to just go one-step at a time. Also, if I get pregnant I don't want everyone to think it's a shot gun wedding," she smiled.
"Oh thank goodness," he let go of her hand and the box and covered his face, taking a deep breath, "I panicked, I didn't want you to take that the wrong way…"
"Trev?"
"Yeah?," he glanced at her.
"Can I have my gift?"
"Shit…" he chuckled, "yes, yes…" he opened the box and presented her with a beautiful sparkling diamond ring.
"Yowza!," she remarked, looking at his face, her eyes widened. "Are you kidding me?," she gasped. Besides a diamond band, Olivia didn't have a single bit of jewellery that belonged to her mother or anything that she hadn't wanted to give back to an ex that there was no way she would ever be able to wear. "Its so beautiful…"
He smiled, she seemed like she loved it. It was an oval shaped sapphire with a circle of small diamonds around it. "I asked Noah what colour stone and he chose the sapphire. The sapphire is to represent him, and the diamonds around it, that's us, a circle of protection around him, the centre of both of our lives… I know its fucking chees-"
"Don't," she cut him off, her eyes filling with tears, "it's not - its the most beautiful gift I've ever received and the fact that you let Noah help and you thought about him—"
"Of course, baby…"
He took the ring out and took her hand, "I actually had zero reference for size except your Mom's ring, so I measured it when you were in the bath," he smiled, proud of himself. "So, which finger do you want to wear it?"
He tried her middle finger of her left hand but it was a little tight and the right hand and it fit. She was excited. She pulled her hand out of his to examine it closer before looking at him with a big grin. She slid out of her side of the booth and joined him on his. She slid her arms around his waist and kissed his lips gently. "Thank you so much. I love it…"
"I just want you to have something from Noah and I, it's not a measure of love, but it's a nice gift to look at and know we both got you, always."
"I love you so much," she murmured. She held him tight and raised her head to kiss his lips again and again, over and over.
"Oooft," he chuckled, when he felt her reaching up caressing the bristles of his beard. "That feels so fucking good each time you do that…" he told her quietly.
She grinned, caressing his face knowing very well that without him even telling her, that he liked it. He always leaned in to it and sometimes groaned with feeling if in the right moment. He reached up and covered her hand. "I love you, I'm really glad you loved the gift."
He embraced her again. She went to get up to slide out of the booth to go back to her own as the waitress brought them their food. "No," he tugged her wrist gently, "stay here with me, close…"
They thanked her as she set down nachos and some cheesy bread and other finger food.
Olivia slid her drink closer. "Can I ask something that I'm a little nervous about asking?"
"Sure…" Liv replied. "Don't be nervous, I'll be honest…" she was curious.
"When you go back to work tomorrow, do you think I could have Noah here for a few more days? I could bring him back when you transition to nights on Saturday or Sunday…"
Olivia concentrated on pulling a corn chip out from beneath the mess of cheese and guac and salsa.
"If you're not comfortable, then I totally understand—" he added.
When she was on days, she was gone by the time Noah woke up and home right on dinner time unless she caught a case. He would sometimes go to daycare if Katja was unable to look after him, but otherwise, he waited around for scraps of her attention.
"Okay," she replied slowly, deciding that she wanted to give Trevor the chance to prove himself in the capacity where she had no doubt that he would excel.
"Okay what?," he asked, unsure if she was agreeing that she wasn't comfortable. He was a little deflated.
"Okay, I think it's a good idea that he stays with you," she replied simply, turning to look at him, a smile crept across his mouth that felt a little contagious. He seemed so shocked that it caused her to smile too.
"Really?"
"Yeah… I'll barely be home and he loves it here so much and I genuinely trust you with him, Trev. When I'm on nights its a bit easier."
"How about this? I'll be back in Manhattan as soon as the calf arrives — it could be any night, if by your transition to nightshift day, she hasn't calved yet, I'll bring Noah home to you for the day and if you feel comfortable I can bring him back with me again, but I think after three days neither of us will be able to go any longer without seeing your face," he smiled. "But if she's calved, I'll gather everything and come home to you…"
"Okay, thanks baby. And if Noah gets too upset being away from me, you'll need to bring him home, is that okay?"
"Of course…"
She smiled, "thanks Trevor, for taking care of him and putting in all this time with him. He has never had this kind of attention from anyone before, regrettably probably not even me."
"I think you give everything you can to Noah all the time and when you are with him you are never not present. I know he won't regret that."
"Yeah, but… sometimes I do. So, thank you, I know he loves Katja but she gets paid to care. I know you care because you genuinely love me and you love him."
"Exactly…" his voice trailed.
She took her phone and showed him the pic she had taken at the community board earlier. "I saw this… when I was waiting for you—"
He took it and looked at it for a moment. "Yeah? What are you thinking about it?"
She shrugged. "I don't know… I just felt like— I should take a picture of it…"
"Maybe you could speak to someone and impart some advice to them?" Trevor suggested thoughtfully.
"Maybe. I guess— I'm just thinking about the future a little, like what if I decide if I get pregnant that I don't want to do this forever? What if I don't want to be Captain anymore? I can't get what Jenna and you said out of my head, it's made me slowly and quietly think and reevaluate things."
"Then I would say its good to have some ideas or some avenues that you might want to pursue," Trevor replied.
She nodded. "Yeah… maybe that's why I took the pic, it's just a tiny possibility."
She took her drink as he handed the phone back. She locked it and turned back to the food that they were both so hungry for.
/
Olivia felt so refreshed after her long, hot shower. She watched TV for a little while with Trevor and Noah and realised that both her boys were sound asleep. Trevor had begun to snore and Noah had fallen asleep flanked against him on the couch.
She really was wide awake after accidentally falling asleep after they got home from town. "We moved Ange in to the guesthouse earlier, I think she's actually going to stay here for a little while. Do you want to come across with me?" Jen texted her after they'd gone back and forth a little. She had texted her photos of the ring Trevor had bought for her which she could't help but keep staring at in awe.
She thought for a second, she knew Trevor was going to go straight to sleep, they'd both had a huge day. She hated that her time with him and his family was coming to an end, but she had to go back to work.
"Trevor and Noah are both asleep, so probably. I'm in my pajamas though, is that going to be okay or is Joey there too?," she asked.
She reached across and touched Trevor's ankle. "Honey," she shook him gently, "honey go to bed."
His eyes opened and for a moment she could see him blinking at her, frozen, trying to figure out his bearings. He glanced at Noah and a smile came to his lips. "I was just dozing," he lied.
She smiled, "honey you were snoring so loud, I'll take Noah to bed, you go to bed…"
"What are you going to do?," he asked, "are you coming to bed?"
"Its okay 8, I had that big sleep earlier so Jenna just invited me to the guest house to hang out for a bit, Angela's moved in there tonight."
He seemed confused. "Oh…okay."
"Is that alright?," she asked, wondering if maybe he didn't want her to go out. He slowly eased from beneath Noah, edging out so he didnt wake him up.
He stood up and took a step toward her with a soft smile, smoothing her cheek with his large hand. "Of course that's okay, you don't need my permission," he kissed her. "Just… wake me up when you get back and give me a cuddle when you come to bed."
She smiled back at him.
"I'll take Noah to bed, take my car over to the guest house."
"Okay," she agreed. "Thanks love, goodnight."
/
It was a gorgeous little one bedroom house from a kit home that had been put together for Trevor to stay before the second house had been built on to the farm. They used it sparingly, sometimes when Joey's friends from college would come and stay or other relatives from out of state.
It had been spruced up a little and immediately Olivia could tell that Jen had a hand its decorations. "This is so lovely," she remarked as she looked around the living space that was separate to the bedroom and bathroom. It was a large expanse of space with a big enough kitchen cook and no lack of storage space.
"Speaking of lovely, come here and show me the ring that my brother bought, I'll be able to tell if he loves you enough for marriage based on the amount of diamonds…" Ange grabbed her hand playfully, giggling. "Oh yeah, you're not only gonna get married, but my guess is, he's already looking to have you barefoot and pregnant in no time."
"Leave her alone, you lunatic," Jenna shot back at Angela.
Olivia laughed, she could see that Ange was drunk. So far, she hadn't been very sober the whole time he'd spent together.
"Take a seat in my new pad…"
"So, you're staying?" Liv asked with a smile.
"Mmmm maybe. But actually, I was going to ask you," she began as Olivia took a seat on a couch. She followed Angela with her eyes to the kitchenette where half open bottles of alcohol and soda were everywhere. She filled a bowl with potato chips and freely poured alcohol in to a glass with zero measurements. She topped it up with sprite and grabbed the bowl of chips and passed it to Olivia.
"Here you go, its the best I could do on short notice," she snorted, bursting in to laughter.
"Oh fuck," Olivia murmured to Jen, "she's wrecked, isn't she?"
"She is… she's really wrecked." She took the bowl of potato chips from Olivia and began to eat them while Olivia sipped politely on the very, very strong alcoholic sprite. "And I can't stay up all night with her," she whispered, "I'm a pregnant woman!"
Olivia laughed. "Honey," she spoke to Ange over the top of her running ice through a blender, "what were you going to ask me?"
Angela laughed at her own distraction. She thought for a moment as she poured the crushed ice in to her own glass and added some coke and vodka, pouring a little more liberally than she had in Olivia's glass. "Oh, yeah… can I come back to New York with you and Noah on Thursday?"
"Ummm sure, I thought you settled in here?"
Angela finally sat down in a single reclining couch with a holder for her drink. "I know and I plan to stay for a bit, but I have to meet with a friend in Manhattan to figure out what the fuck I am gonna do with my life now."
"Wait… so you're not going back to London at all… at all? This is not just like a short sabbatical?" Jen asked, a little surprised. She was under the impression that she was just taking some time.
They both watched Angela take a few gulps of her drink before setting it down. "Nope. My life in London is over. Robert ended it and I'm a giant fucking loser who couldn't handle the pressure of my job. I was dealing with rich assholes in a private hospital — not really the kind of changing the world I was hoping for…"
"Hold up," Jen began seriously, "what do you mean Robert ended it? Honey, why didn't you tell me?"
"I'm telling you now," Angela replied bluntly. "Liv, how's the drink?"
"Oh," she smiled, "its fine. Angela, are you okay?," she asked gently, "I know how it is to find it hard to talk about something that's upset you, or even how to begin talking about it when you're really broken up over it on the inside—"
"I'm not that broken up over it on the inside," she replied.
"Okay, well… still, are you okay? Its okay if you're not and we don't really have to go in to it, but if you tell us you're not okay, at least that's something honest."
Angela glanced to Jen and back to Liv. "Its okay if you're not okay, I'd rather you just be honest, we'll deal with it, whatever it is."
Angela shifted uncomfortably and shrugged, "I don't know that I'm okay, but I don't know that I'm not okay. I feel fine right now."
"Because you're medicating and you should know better than anyone what that looks like," Jen pointed out.
When she finally glanced up again, Olivia and Jen could see the tears about to spill over. "I just am trying to figure it out…"
"Do you want to tell us what happened with Robert?"
"He couldn't deal with me anymore. He was done. He said I wasn't his future. He said I had a lot of unresolved issues, that I was too clingy, too affectionate, too needy, too much…" her voice trailed.
"You are not too much, you were too much for him, my sweet girl," Olivia said quickly. "Come sit over here with us," she patted the spot between herself and Jen. As if she felt reluctant, Angela did as she was told, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. Olivia took her drink from her hands and placed it on the small coffee table on top of a coaster.
Olivia wrapped her arms around her and Jen took her little sister-in-law's hand. "Men are shit, kiddo," she offered, "but I'm so sorry Robert decided to give up the best thing that ever happened to him."
"I quit my job because I couldn't hold my head up high and work alongside him undermining everything I was doing."
"Sounds like you need a fresh start close to family and of course you can come back to New York with me. You can even stay in my apartment with me."
"I can stay at Trevor's, I don't want to encroach on your space," she replied.
"Nah, Trev and I decided today that Noah will stay here with him for a few more days, so you can stay with me, I'll be working fairly long hours, you can do what you want and it'll be nice to have someone to talk to when I get home at night."
Jen smiled, "See? You'll get to enjoy Manhattan without Trevor breathing down your neck…"
Angie laughed feebly. "I just feel a bit lost… and being here is weird for me, nice but also so… fucking gut wrenchingly sad, I can't tell you how bad I ache for Mom…" she paused as a sob emitted from her throat, "and I feel so fucking bad saying that to you Jen, because at least I had a good Mom who loved me so I should feel grateful that I had her for as long as I did."
"No, honey, its okay. I ache for your Mom too some days, she was the only woman that I knew who even closely resembled a mother…" Jen assured her. "Its okay to feel the grief."
Jen glanced at Olivia who knew Ange was just an inch away from losing her composure. "Every time I drive up the drive here, I see that stupid fucking sign Mom painted that Joe keeps painting over and I remember watching her making it thinking she was the stupidest, most uncool person in the world — literally revolted by her joy in making it…"
It took Olivia a moment to figure out she was talking about a wooden hand painted sign that titled the farm, 'The Langan Family Farm'. "And now I'd give everything to have that moment again and to help her or to bask in her joy—"
"Its okay, honey, you could have felt as annoyed as humanly possible within that moment and maybe your Mom could have felt it but nothing will ever erase the infinite capacity that you have to love your Mom and she would have felt the same for you. Jen and I know these things, we're Moms."
"Liv's absolutely right, your Mom… she loved you so much, Ange, you have no possible clue just how much. You brightened up her world and you were her baby and nothing made her happier than your gorgeous little face."
Angela began to cry, deep, heaving sobs that were urged out of her from the months in to years of grief that she had been trying to push down with work and relationships and family avoidance.
"Its okay," Liv consoled her while Jen rubbed her Angela's back. They exchanged glances over her shoulder. "You'll feel so much better after a good cry, sweetheart," Olivia assured her. She could feel the heat from her tears coming from her face that was buried in to her shoulder, embracing her back.
The two women let her cry. "Honey you're over heating, breathe…" Jen told her when she finally lifted her face up. Angela's face was bright red. Instantly the cooler air hit Olivia and it was a relief. "I'll go get you a damp face cloth."
She returned a few moments later and hand it to her. "Wipe your face, it'll feel better."
Angela did as she was asked, her body still shuddering with sobs. "I'm sorry," she murmured, "I hate crying, I'm so sorry."
"Don't apologise, you'll feel better, I promise," Liv replied.
"Thanks…" she murmured.
"Ange, why don't you go have a shower and put some pajamas on. I think you should stop drinking, you've had enough, you're probably going to feel this tomorrow."
She nodded. "Thanks… I will. Please don't go home yet, I don't want to be alone," she admitted, reminding Olivia of a little girl.
"We won't," Liv promised, we'll be right here when you come out."
As soon as Angela disappeared in to the bathroom, Jen got up and began to clean up her mess in the kitchen. "That poor kid," Jen remarked, "she keeps so much stuff inside, I wish she wouldn't drink so much."
Olivia helped her screw on all the alcohol lids. "She's medicating and I understand that feeling of not wanting to be alone but also not wanting to share my feelings, its a classic abandonment symptom, being so scared of sharing something that will make everyone leave and constantly apologising for it — it ticks the boxes."
"Maybe in New York she might feel a little more clear—headed, maybe here is too hard for her to unpack a lot of feelings."
"Maybe," Olivia replied, grabbing a cloth and wiping up the spills on the counter. "Or maybe being here is exactly what she needs… but I guess we'll see."
"We're good sisters," Jen smiled at Olivia as she took one of the potato chips and plopped it in to her mouth. She let herself in to Angela's room with Liv following She pulled back the covers of her Angie's freshly made bed and got everything ready for her.
Olivia laughed, "you're such a Mommy."
They came back out as Angela reappeared with some summer pajamas on. "Okay, you're going to bed, I think," Jen told her.
"No, I wanna hang out with you guys…" she protested.
"Go to bed, sweetheart, close your eyes. I'm going to bring you a big bottle of water and I have some Tylenol in the car…"
Angela was out like a light before Jen had even returned with the Tylenol. "Wow, she's really passed out," Jen chuckled. She placed the bottle of water by her bed.
"I'm so fucking tired," Jen muttered as they led back in to the living room. "
"Me too… I can't believe how quickly I walked in the door to that emotional escalation," Olivia remarked. "I guess it was bound to happen."
"It was," she yawned. "Shit I need to go to bed, you should go to bed too."
Olivia nodded. "Yeah, I'm super tired now after that…"
They pulled the door closed and both went to their separate cars, waving at each other with the promise of texting in the morning
/
Olivia was a little cold as she got bed with Trevor, sliding in beside him. He had his back to her. She got close and cosy and rested her arm around him. He stirred a little before rolling on to his back, getting closer to her. "Goodnight love," he murmured, sleepily.
"Goodnight baby, I love you…." Her voice trailed off as she tried her best to sleep and not worry about Trevor's sister alone in the guesthouse.
