Hey guys! I hope you like this chapter - I dont know if its becoming obvious what's about to happen, but ... let me know what you guess haha. I am feeling a lot better, thanks for the well-wishes.
I havent had the chance to proof read this bc I wanted to post it quickly and its very very late here and I need sleep - so go easy if you find any stupid mistakes, spelling or words missing or in places they shouldnt be hahhaa. wow, im really running a loose ship here these days.
WHAT DO WE THINK LIV SHOULD DO WITH HER CAREER? TRY SOMETHING ELSE IN A SIMILAR FIELD OR STICK TO WHAT SHE KNOWS?
"Here she is! The woman of the hour! Our faithful Lieutenant!" Carisi greeted Olivia when she exited the elevator. She had a double strength coffee and Trevor's sister trailing behind her.
"Hi," she lifted her hand, trying not to show how grumpy she felt. She gave him a smile. Carisi glanced at Angela, noticing the young looking woman also holding a coffee, looking a little bewildered.
"Hi, I'm Detective Sonny Carisi, can I help you with something?," he asked.
Olivia couldn't help but to smirk. "She's with me, Sonny," she glanced over her shoulder.
Angela smiled at him, "Angela," she replied.
"Trevor Langan's sister," Olivia added.
Carisi looked smiled at her and then back at Angela. "Nice to meet you… so the rumours are true, boss…"
Olivia rolled her eyes, "come on Ange, follow me this way…" she waved at Fin. "Hi, Fin, busy enough?"
"Hey Liv, good to see you. How was your trip? How's lil Noah?"
"He's good, he's still away." She didn't offer any more information and instead led Angela in to her office. "Make yourself comfortable," she smiled at her.
"Wow, so this is where it all happens…" Angela remarked taking a sip of her coffee and took a seat on the couch.
Olivia sat in the desk, "Yeah….it all happens here…" she turned the computer on and sighed. "I don't wanna be here…" she groaned.
Angela smiled at her sympathetically. "I'm glad to be in the city… I feel peaceful here."
"I never ever thought I'd want to be away from Manhattan," Olivia told her, "and yet .. here I am dreaming about waking up on the fucking Langan farm."
They both laughed. "So what time are you meeting your friend?," Liv asked.
"Oh," Angela laughed and shook her head with a shrug. "There was no friend Liv, I just really needed to get away from the farm to organise my brain a little bit. I love Jen and the my brothers but it was really hard to go back there and I want to stay there, I do but… I need to figure some things out on my own… "
"That's fair, I understand that totally. How long has it been since you and your boyfriend broke up?" Olivia asked, as she waited for the computer to boot up. She took her iPad out of her locked cupboard and plugged it in, waiting for it to charge.
"We broke up last month but… I only quit my job last week and freaked out and knew I had to be near my brother's to stop me from doing anything irrational or stupid out of hurt and anger," Angela replied, feeling comfortable to talk frankly to Olivia.
"You weren't going to harm yourself, were you?" Olivia asked her - figuring it was always best to ask point blank because she had enough wisdom to understand that it was harder to lie when someone asked a question bluntly.
"Mm," Angela smiled and glanced at Liv. The detective picked up on the shame and embarrassment. "I did feel a little at a loss," she admitted, "but I understood that feeling bad enough to want to do something stupid was enough reason to come home and get grounded again and even if I didn't want to admit that anything was wrong, being around family sure did help."
"So… what's changed in the past 5 days?" Liv asked, curious, sipping on her coffee, "what made you want to get out of the farm so fast?"
Angela avoided her eyes and shrugged. She drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"There's someone at home that I guess, I really don't want to see… and I know I'm going to run in to him and I don't really know how to handle myself for that," she replied.
"What happened? Did he hurt you?," Olivia asked, getting up from her chair. She locked the door and sat down beside her on the couch. "It won't go any further than you and I."
"After Mom passed I got a little bit of a reputation, I was just… having fun, you know? Like, who gives a shit about what happens to me, life's shit! Everyone dies!" She smiled in spite of how awful that feeling had been at the time. "And then I got a little bit more serious with this guy, but I knew I had this internship for med school that I really wanted to take — it was in Boston and I realised I was pregnant…" she explained, "and in this freaked out, stupid state, I told him and he started planning for our future and it didn't involve me being a doctor anymore."
"I'm sorry," Liv murmured.
"No, its okay," Angela replied, "I just let him go on with this bullshit about us buying a house and him taking care of us and our kid and it sounded like fucking torture, Olivia," Angela told her, "I didn't even like the guy that much— but I didn't want to disappoint my mother, I didn't want to have to say that I got pregnant and I had no plan. But I also didn't want her to think that everything I'd worked so hard for was for nothing. So I was going to try to juggle both, I knew when I told her, I knew she'd help me and she would know the right thing to say and to do and even if I had to stay in New York, I could still be a doctor…."
Olivia said nothing, she just listened, "I had it all planned out how I was gonna tell her, what I was going to say, what kind of help I was going to ask for — and then… she…." Angela glanced up at Olivia, "she just … fucking died," she clicked her fingers, "just like that…"
"I'm so sorry, honey," Liv replied.
"No, it's okay…" Angela wiped her eyes. "I just struggle to talk about Mom and her dying without… getting annoyingly emotional."
"It's not annoying," Liv countered, resting her hand on her shoulder. "It's your Mom, it hurts to lose your Mom, even I know that…"
Angela nodded. "I just didn't know what to do, the baby's father was getting pushier and pushier and I was running out of time to accept the internship and I just… couldn't tell Jen or Trev or even Joey, so I told no one and I had a termination and," she paused to wipe a few tears that fell down her cheeks, "and I took the internship. I told the biological father that I needed time with my family and I saw him a few times and even pretended I was still pregnant and then I just… left. I found out about an internship in London and did a shitty thing and wrote him an email…"
"Oh, Ange… its okay."
"It wasn't really okay. It wasn't the right thing to do. He wrote me dozens of aggressive emails and I was still receiving them up until I met Robert, I think."
"Maybe you should call him and take someone with you to talk to him, it might make the situation better now — for both of you to have closure and to be able to exist without feeling that guilt."
"I don't think I'll ever not feel guilt over terminating my own child," she admitted.
Someone bashed at Olivia's office door. She immediately tensed. "I'm sorry honey, give me one minute."
"No you're okay, I'm totally cutting in to your work day," she replied.
Liv got up and unlocked her door and opened it just a peep. She cursed when she saw him. "Wow, you really don't give up," she muttered. "Do you have me on a radar? I literally just walked in the office."
"We need to talk," Elliot cut in, putting his foot in the door way.
"Elliot," she began, "get your foot out of the doorway of my office. I am busy talking to someone." Elliot's eyes darted around until they spotted the person on the couch trying to compose herself. He looked back at Liv with apology and she registered that he was under the impression that she was a victim.
"Sorry," he mumbled.
"Don't ever bash on my office door like that again. If you need to see me, call me or text me first. I've been away for almost three weeks and I'm incredibly busy."
"Okay," he replied. "Can we talk later?"
"If you've got a case or something that needs attention, I'd prefer you take it to Fin or Carisi for now. Thanks detective."
She didn't give him an edge to say one more thing. She shut the door. "Fucking fool," she muttered.
"Wow, hostile," Angela couldn't help but to laugh, "he really wanted to talk, Liv…"
"Just because he wants something doesn't mean he gets something — unfortunately he's very hard to convince of that," she rolled her eyes and shook her head.
"Sounds like a story there…" Trevor's sister smiled.
"A long story," Olivia replied, "but I'm just trying to get on with my life," she smiled. "Anyway, kiddo. I'll go get you the network logins and you can do what you need to do, sorry the internet was so shitty at home. I'll call the company today and try to get it sorted out."
"Don't worry too much Olivia, it's okay. I do have some friends here in the city I just don't really know if I'm ready to … answer to anyone and talk about what happened. I'm just still a bit fucked up, I guess."
Yet another knock at the office door.
"Fuck!" Olivia hissed. She took a deep breath, "Come in," she called.
The door opened slowly and Amanda smiling at her, "Liv! You're back! Sorry, I'm sure you have post holiday blues, but I'm so fuckin' glad to see you!"
Angela observed Olivia smiling for real. "Hey! Come on in, close the door."
Amanda let herself in and shut the door behind her and glanced over noticing Trevor's sister. Immediately she knew knew she was related to the lawyer. "Holy shit, are you Trevor's sister?"
Angela laughed, "is it that obvious?"
"Yeah! You look like his younger twin, I'm Amanda, nice to meet you," she stuck her hand out.
"Angela, or Ange…" she smiled at the blonde co-worker of Olivia. "Nice to meet you too."
"Angie came home to Manhattan with me and the internet is down for some stupid reason at home so she's gonna hang out in my office and use ours," Liv explained, "how are you? What's going on?"
"Nothing's going on, knock wood, it's quiet so far." Amanda replied. "I saw Elliot stomping out," she laughed, "such a fucking dick." She glanced at Liv and saw a shiny sparkler that. "What is that!," she got close and grabbed her superior's hand.
Olivia laughed, and Angela bit her lip to keep from laughing too.
"Wow! Olivia is this an engagement ring that you're trying to play down? Because it looks like an engagement ring."
"Its not an engagement ring, it's just a gift from Noah and Trev…it's beautiful right?," she smiled.
Amanda examined it close. "Yeah, its stunning…." She turned to Angela, "so you think your brother is gonna knock her up or ask her to marry him?"
"Oh stop it," Olivia replied.
"Yeah, he's definitely going to marry her," Angela told with a smile, "my brother is so fucking in love he can't even see straight, I don't think Olivia can either… have you seen them together? It's so sick…"
Amanda laughed and glanced at Olivia who rolled her eyes at them both. "Okay okay, its not an engagement ring, Trev and Noah both had a hand in choosing bit the stone and …" she focused on her ring and smiled adoringly at Trevor's sweetness — the diamonds representing their unity around Noah.
"Look at that smile, as if she's not gonna marry my brother," Angela teased.
Olivia couldn't help but grin.
"Wow, so nice to see you smile, Liv, I'm happy it's working out. Really," Amanda told her meaningfully touching her arm.
"Thanks," Olivia smiled at her, "me too, because by extension, I get a lovely big family too, and I've always wanted that."
Angela smiled.
"I really hate to bother you, but… I actually have a case that I wouldn't mind your eyes going over, the vic is too petrified to speak, she won't let the doctor's near her, I was wondering maybe if you would take a run at her…"
"Okay, of course. Where is she, currently?"
"At Mercy. The attack happened in her apartment at around 6:30 this morning." Amanda glanced over at Angela who was pretending to busy herself on her phone.
"Okay, could you…" Liv glanced at Angela too, wondering what she would do with her for the time being. "I need to just set up Ange with some internet-"
"I'm okay, Liv, you do what you have to do, it sounds important. Uhhhh, don't mean to butt-in but if you need any help from a medical stand-point, advisory or whatever, I'm here…"
"Oh right…" Liv began slowly, "Wasn't it renal specialist?"
"Sort of, urology, OB GYN, women's health."
Amanda glanced at Liv, thinking the same thing she was. "Are you comfortable enough to come? I don't know if she'll talk, but maybe it'll help to have someone that isn't so busy that they don't have time to talk to her and walk her through what the processes of a rape kit and other evidence collection might be."
"Uh-I don't know," Liv said slowly, "these jobs can be … pretty graphic and a lot, Ange."
"Liv," Angela said gently, "I know I'm young, but I've seen a lot in my job and I've heard a lot. Doctors can't be fragile. They take that shit home and it bleeds out in other ways," she gave a half-smile.
Olivia laughed because there was an understanding that both roles had a tendency for the workers to internalise the things they saw on a day-to-day basis. "Okay, guess you've got a volunteer job for the day and if you're super good at it, Amanda will buy you dinner…" she laughed at Amanda's wide open mouth.
"Well, to be fair, Olivia pays me so…. I guess it all works out," she smiled.
/
Olivia threaded past a nurse and appeared behind the curtain to find a young woman laying on the bed looking a little bruised and battered. Amanda was right behind her. "Hi Alison, I'm Detective Olivia Benson, how are you feeling?" Liv asked, softly, always doing her best to keep her tone gentle.
The girl glanced at her and pulled the blanket up a little higher around her. "Okay," she squeezed out.
"Detective Rollins' and I would really like to have a talk to you, I understand all this is all so overwhelming and scary, but… we would really like to catch whoever did this to you so that you'll be able to feel safe."
The young woman nodded and sniffed, using the back of her hand to wipe the tear from her bloodied, swollen cheek.
Olivia made her way around the bed and pulled it close and sat down. She pulled her notebook out and held on to it for a moment. Amanda got a call, she glanced at Liv, "I'm sorry," she said, "excuse me."
"I know this is hard so take as much time as you need… what can you tell me about what happened?"
The girl took a deep breath, "I had my fire escape window open because I smoked before I went to bed," she said slowly, "I was going to shut it but the A/C is on the fritz so … I just went to bed and I woke up with him…" she swallowed hard. Olivia observed her trembling; her voice wavering with shock, "he was on top of me. I screamed and he hit me over and over."
Olivia could see the bruises on her throat, as if a hand had been around it, finger marks clear as day. "How did this happen?," she pointed to her own throat.
"I made noise … as he was …" she couldn't say the words out loud. "I blacked out and … when I came to, he was going through my things and then … then he left. He took some money and some jewellery."
"I'm so sorry that happened to you, Alison," Olivia told her, "you look like you're in a lot of pain, have you received any pain relief?"
She shook her head.
"Is there anyone I can call for you? Your parents? Siblings? A partner or friend?"
She shook her head again. "My Mom warned me something bad would happen…" she muttered.
"This isn't your fault, sweetheart," Olivia told her gently, "but you're okay, you survived it and we are going to do our best to catch this man."
She went over some questions about the assailant's appearance, size, strength, weight, skin colour, eyes and more until the victim was becoming too worked up— Olivia had the good sense to know when to back off after years of doing the job.
"I think I have enough information for now," Olivia told her as Amanda was about to walk in. Olivia held up her hand, she didn't want to overwhelm the young woman anymore than she already was. Amanda got the hint and nodded, "I gotta go back to the precinct," she murmured quietly to Liv.
"Okay, thanks Detective."
Once Amanda had pulled the curtain back around Olivia turned to Alison, "Honey, the doctor told me that you are refusing any treatment at the moment."
"I just want to go home and shower," she said mid-sob.
"I know, I know… but we have a crime scene squad at your apartment currently, is there a place that you can stay for a few days? Often, its quite hard to go back to the scene of the crime immediately." She paused, "and you have a lot of abrasions and cuts that might be better if they're seen to."
"I don't want anyone to touch me," she muttered. "I can stay with you through it," Olivia offered. "I don't want to push you in to anything, but a rape kit is the best way we can catch him, but I know it sounds invasive and traumatic, but I have someone impartial who doesn't work for the hospital," she paused, "she's just here to advise you and to support you and to talk you through the process. It would be great if you would hear her out."
The girl began to cry, wincing as the tears hit the cut on her face.
"I know…" Olivia murmured, reaching for the girl's hand. She went to flinch but Olivia curled her fingers around hers. "I know it's a lot, but you are so strong and so courageous even getting through what is easily one of the worst things a person can go through, you're here and you've been able to give me a lot of great information. I won't leave your side if you don't want me to."
"Okay," she nodded, agreeing. "I'll talk to her…"
"Okay, I'm just stepping out in to the hall and I will be right back, I'm not going far," she assured her.
/
Angela looked up to see Olivia emerging from the room. "Are you done?" A doctor asked her.
"No, this is my advisor, Angela Langan, she's here to support the victim through any medical decisions - she'll go through what the procedure will be just to provide support and all of her options impartially."
The doctor smiled at Angela, "Wow, NYPD blowing their budget, huh? You know we have nurses who could do that."
Angela rose her eyebrow. "With all due respect, I'm actually a licensed women's health renal and OB GYN specialist, so while it's great that the hospital does have nurses who are apparently have the free time to sit with a patient for an hour or more if need be, they're not exactly going to be impartial nor do they have the depth of my expertise."
Olivia tried not to react to the brazenness of Angela putting the male doctor back in to his place before she had the chance to defend Trevor's sister's credentials.
The doctor lifted his hands in surrender and raised both of his eyebrows, "okay, okay, it's not a pissing contest."
"No, it's not. But if it was, you'd lose." She didn't say another word and Olivia decided to keep her mouth shut. She turned and led the way in to the room.
Angela surveyed the patient. Amanda had been right, she'd been through a lot and that was only the parts of her that she could see.
"Alison, this is my friend Dr Angela Langan."
"You said she was an advisor," Alison said quickly, her voice rising.
"Its okay," Liv told her gently, "she is an advisor, she doesn't work for this hospital. She's just here to give you information and to go over a few things with you."
"Hi, Alison, I'm sorry that we're meeting under these circumstances, but I promise I'm just here to help not to try to convince you to do anything that's too scary or that you really don't want to do."
"Its okay," she replied in an almost-whisper.
"So, the first thing I think we should focus on is your face," she motioned to her own face. "You have a lot of bruising around your eye," she informed her, "and you have a nasty cut just here…" Angela pointed to her skin just above the girl's left cheek bone.
"Has anyone looked at your cuts?"
The girl stammered for words, "I don't want anyone to touch me."
"I know, but… maybe it might need a stitch or two, and as for the bruising, what if we were to get you a cold cloth or an ice pack and you can hold it to your cheek yourself," she was careful not to be pushy.
"Maybe," Alison murmured.
Olivia was genuinely impressed with Angela's compassion and gentleness.
"Do you mind if we talk about your other injuries?" Angela asked, taking the seat that Olivia hadn't filled. "Just talk."
Alison said nothing so Ange took it as leverage to continue, "Can I ask if… if you know if you are bleeding?"
"I was.. a little… I don't know if I am still, I just… I wasn't ready so-"
"Its okay, you don't have to explain, you were hurt, you didn't ask for this, you didn't do anything to deserve it, it happened to you — that's all." The girl stared at Trevor's sister and nodded, tears finding their way down her cheeks, hanging on to her words.
"Do you know what a rape kit is exactly?" Angela asked her.
"Sort of," she murmured.
"Do you want me to tell you what it is, specifically?"
"Okay,"
Angela went through the procedure with her, how invasive it could be or feel and what parts of her may be examined or photographed or prodded and how long it could potentially take. The whole time, the victim cried, adamant that she didn't want it.
"I understand that you don't want to go ahead with it," Angie told her, "if I was in your situation, I'd be really scared and feeling very alone and unsure, I'd want someone to stay with me and hold my hand until I'm feeling safe again. That feeling you get when your Mom is with you, you know regardless of how you feel, they're gonna be there, right?"
Alison nodded. "Do you have someone like a Mom you'd consider letting me call for you?"
"I just don't want her to be mad…" the girl's voice trailed off.
"Promise that your Mom won't be mad, I bet she'd just be relieved you turned to her. But… in the meantime, if you think maybe you could go through with the rape kit, I am more than happy to sit with you for the whole day if you need, until someone gets here for you. I don't have anything to do but be by your side."
The girl looked around and glanced at Liv who gave her a little reassuring smile. She had a full head of ideas brewing from the deep impression Trevor's sister was leaving upon her.
"If I do it, will you catch him?" She asked Olivia.
"If you do it, I promise that there is a far better chance of us catching him," she replied, "but that's your choice, Alison, no one can make that for you."
"And you can call my Mom? And stay with me?," she turned her question to Angela.
"Absolutely, I can stay and I can call your Mom."
"Okay, please ask her not to be mad at me."
"Sweetheart, your Mom is not going to be mad at you, I promise…" Angela replied. Olivia produced her work phone and handed it to her. "You can use my phone." She turned to Alison, "do you think it'll be okay if Angela and I stepped outside?"
The girl nodded.
"I'll just get Alison's mother's information and I will meet you in the hall," Angela told Olivia.
/
Angela was tapping something in to Olivia's phone as she came out in to the hall. "Hey…" she looked up at her seriously.
"Hey…" Liv smiled at her, "you are a wasted talent working in a hospital going through the motions, you were so good with her, I'm ready to go back to the office and beg my Captain to outsource and hire you as a victim's medical advocate."
A slow smile spread across her lips. "Seriously?"
Olivia laughed, "honestly, it would be a huge help… let's talk about it a bit later. Are you genuinely okay to be here?"
"Yeah," Angela nodded, "she needs someone. I'd have done this at the hospital in London too. I can hold my own. I'll call her Mom and give you your phone back and I can meet you later?"
"Of course," Liv smiled. "Thanks honey, for the help."
"You're welcome."
/
"Fuckkk, I miss you so much," Olivia sighed, flopping on to her couch, looking at the beautiful, greying man before her.
"Language, love, Noah is right beside me. Lucky he's too obsessed with Ninja Turtles to listen."
She smiled. "I hope the cow has the baby tonight, what are you gonna do with Noah if she has the calf?"
"Joey is gonna come and sit in the house," Trevor replied. "Or else if it's early enough, Noah will come with me and have a little lesson in biology."
Olivia made a face as she heard her apartment door. "Honey, your sister is back…"
"That's nice, no offence, I love my sister but this is my time with you, she can wait."
Olivia laughed, "Honey, I meant I was going to go so I can see her and find out about how everything went today, I could call you before bed."
"Only if you promise to talk dirty to me."
"Ew, I heard that, keep it in your pants, Trevor. Hi Olivia."
Olivia laughed and so did Trevor. "Hi Ange, I'll be with you in just a tick…"
"Take your time, I'm going to order us some dinner," Angela replied, heading off down the hall to the guest room that she was staying in.
Olivia turned back to the face time. He was smiling at her. "Baby, why don't I pass you over to Noah for a chat and then you can call me later before bed."
"Are you putting him to bed soon?," she wondered.
"I told him we could watch the Ninja Turtles movie but I think he'll fall asleep, we had a big day."
"Okay, I wasn't asking you to prompt you, I hope you know that, I was just curious. I trust you to discern the window between tired and too tired, you're good at that."
Trevor smiled softly at her, "Thanks baby…okay hold on a sec, I'll peel him away from the TV."
/
"Liv, that was an incredible day. I actually feel terrible for feeling good about it," Ange told her as they ate their Thai food in the kitchen. "That poor girl, she was such a sweetheart and her poor Mom… she was so upset and it was so nice when her Mom arrived and was just …" Angela took a breath and smiled at Liv, "just really supportive and was had zero idea why Alison thought she might be mad."
"What time did you get away?" Liv asked, "that was a big day, I got home before you."
"I know," she smiled, "I just went for a walk afterwards, you know? I have a lot to think about. I ended up in Times Square…"
Olivia raised her eyebrow. "Times Square is so gross…" she remarked.
Angela laughed, "I probably left around 3:30ish, maybe 4. It felt good, Liv, to help… She did so well with the rape kit and they let me clean her cut on her cheek, I had to give them my medical registration, but that's totally fair, they're so understaffed at that hospital."
Liv could tell how invigorated Angela was and related to that feeling; it was the same way she felt when a case went well, when she knew she had made a change to someone's life for the better.
"I'm glad that you got something out of it, Ange, that's so great. I actually got in to trouble from my Captain for it," she chuckled, "but its fine, he blows off a lot of hot air."
Angela's eyes widened, "Oh no, Liv, I'm really sorry."
"No don't be sorry, she needed someone and I wouldn't have been able to hang around. We do have some solid leads though. Carisi is following them up as we speak."
"Your team is so nice; I really liked Amanda. But still, I hate that you got in to trouble. Guess I won't be coming to work for you then…" she laughed even though there was some disappointment.
"Unfortunately, I don't really think the Captain is too big on that idea, but I did see this the other day when I was in town…" she scrolled through her phone and showed Angela the advertisement for a Woman's resource centre. "I feel like you did so well with that girl, you should be doing something like what you did today and if you somehow incorporated medicine in that, you could make a huge difference."
Angela stared at the phone for a minute before handing it back. "Liv…" she took a forkful of her noodles and glanced up at Olivia, "you're from the city, I feel like I've kind of gotten used to being a city girl… do you think you could ever live at the farm?"
"If that's where Trevor wants to retire then I would have to think seriously about it. I want us to be together for the long haul," she admitted, "but I'm scared to leave what I know… but both he and Jen really do have me second guessing everything…"
"In what way?" Angela asked, surveying her brother's girlfriend. She seemed so strong and so bad-ass and at work it seemed remiss if she were to ever give up something that she was clearly so good at. Surely she figured her brother must have understood how important Olivia's role was.
"I guess… why I'm gunning so hard to be Captain or Chief or Commissioner — like, right now I wan't Captain, but then I know me, it won't be good enough, I'll want Chief and so on, when does it stop? And why am I doing it? Is it just because it seems expected?"
"You're doing it to impose change in the police, to ensure everyone gets the kind of after-care from the police as they should, that they are always always taken seriously," Angela told her, "you know that's the reason."
"I do," Olivia agreed, "but when is it going to be enough? Already, Trevor spends more time with my son than I do, Noah has never had this much attention in his life and that… that upsets me. And on top of that, if I have a kid with Trevor, I don't know that I'm going to want to go back, I dunno Ange, I guess I really love the farm and the lifestyle and I'm just second-guessing for how long I can keep this life up."
Angela glanced back down at the picture on the phone. "Is that why you took this photo?"
"Yeah…" Olivia nodded. "I just saw it and thought maybe there's something else I could do that might be much of the same but … at a different pace. Does that make sense?"
Angela nodded. "I totally understand that." She picked up her glass of wine and took a sip. "Do you think you and Trev will have kids?"
Olivia smiled and shrugged. "We're working on it…" She immediately laughed as Angela's mouth fell open with shock.
She laughed, "Wow, I did not know that… that makes sense, it surprises me when you say you don't have a lot of time for Noah because you both seem so close and he adores you so much. You seem so maternal."
Olivia smiled, "I am maternal and nothing is more important to me than my son, but I know he's okay. I know where he is every day and who he's with but I'm all he's got — or at least until Trevor came in to the picture and I need my son to have more of me because I never ever want him to grow up resenting me."
"I doubt he will. The first thing he said to me when I met him was that his Mom was a police officer and always gets the bad guys."
"Aww, my sweetheart," Liv gushed, "I really miss him, but I know there was no point dragging him away from a good time when he'd just be with the nanny all day while I work."
"Oh…"
"Sometimes he goes to daycare, but I prefer he's with his Nanny, she's one-on-one and I'm not one of those pushy Mom's who feels like he has to be bi-lingual or have everything as a learning experience, you know, the flash card Moms…" she laughed, "I just want my kid to be happy."
"He's definitely happy but I can see, I guess what you mean about staying on the farm. He and Olly get along like a house on fire and he was so sweet with Trevor."
Olivia smiled. "Their relationship is honestly… something I thought might take time but your brother just had an open heart and was ready from day dot for Noah and I, it still feels a little too good to be true."
"One thing you should know about Trevor is that when he's in love, Liv, he is all in and he will do anything for anyone that he loves and cares about. Obviously, he's not an idiot, he won't let himself get treated badly, not again, not after his ex, but…I can see how in love you guys are, I doubt anything will come between you too."
"That's why I'm re-thinking things, I know he will put his life on hold for me and I don't want him to do that. I know his heart is with the farm and I love that, he suits that life, shit… even Noah, I'm starting to think Noah deserves that life, so it's me holding us back."
"Do you think you would be happy though? Men always get their way, we always sacrifice everything and even then some after that just to keep them happy, Liv, it's the way we endure all the time and its not fair. If you won't be happy then don't change what you're doing and the both of you will just have to make it work. Let him sacrifice a little, I love my brother but he doesn't get to fulfil his dreams of running a fucking farm when you're doing really important work by helping others. Who is he helping? Local Cletus's get farm-to-table food? Who cares…"
Olivia couldn't help but to laugh.
"I gave up everything I wanted for Robert and look what it got me? I got a dead end job in a hospital that he wanted me to take because it was comfortable for him. I got offered a job in a women's infirmary hospital in a jail just outside of London and I wanted to help there. I never took it because he convinced me it wouldn't work for us but he had us move to the other side of London which I hate just so he could work in some shitty, rich-ass private hospital that I hated but no one ever asked me if it was okay."
"I'm sorry…"
Angela shrugged, "I guess Trevor isn't like Robert. He's not controlling, but men have that mentality conditioned in them, that their wants and needs are always more important. Don't fall in to acquiesce, Liv, only do something if you feel like it's going to make you happy, don't give up every bit of yourself for a man, not even my brother."
She smiled at Trevor's sister. "You're probably the wisest 27 year old that I've ever met. Thanks, that's actually very good advice. It's easy not to get caught up."
"Thanks…" Ange smiled. "For me, I'm wondering if I should try something different — maybe I should try therapy and stick to it this time…. Maybe I don't want to be in the city. Maybe I want to be close to my family. Maybe this is something," she tapped Olivia's phone. "I was also thinking about what you said about the biological father of my pregnancy. Maybe it is time to talk to him… maybe it's time to tell my family and take someone with me to talk to him."
"If you're going to tell someone, I know Trevor won't be upset, I know he'll just want to support you and he will definitely make sure this guy doesn't continually harass you."
Angela nodded. "I was thinking last night about talking to him about it, but where do I start…"
"Just where you need to, don't overthink it…"
"Well, should we at least get some more info about this thing? I know you aren't ready to jump out of NYPD, but you could at least help with information if nothing else."
"Yeah, that's what Trevor said… if you're interested, you should follow it up. We both could, just hear it all out."
Angela nodded. "Yeah that sounds like a good idea."
/
"Oh no," Trevor muttered. He texted Jen straight back, "Please don't tell Liv, please don't say anything. I'm so embarrassed."
He glanced over at Olivia who was sleeping beside him looking at peace. It was her first day off where she hadn't been called back in almost two weeks and he was just happy to let her relax for the day. He had even leaned over and turned her phone off and texted Amanda to call on his phone if it was urgent, but only if it was urgent.
She had cried all night about a rape homicide of a child — in other circumstances, she was usually able to shut down, but her weariness and exhaustion made it hard for her to combat the emotions that she usually pushed below surface.
He hated it, he hated her job currently and the amount of stress she seemed to be under in the last few months.
It wasn't exactly how he'd hoped moving in would go — it was still a little messy, Olivia had been so apologetic, wanting to help him and wanting to take time to help find places for his things and go through a lot of her own to get rid of what she didn't need.
The apartment was crowded with his things and it was okay, but he wasn't sure when they would get the time to go through it.
A text from Jen came through, "AhHahahahahahahahhaahahhahahaha Joey and I can't stop laughing…. Trevor this is absolutely the funniest thing I've ever seen! Good for business though! Hahahahahahahhaha."
Another text from right down the hall. "Jen just showed me…. Oh my goodness LOLOLOL SourDoughDaddy….Gross."
Trevor felt a little sick in the stomach as he looked he scrolled through the thousands of comments that seemed to appear literally overnight. The comments took on a life of his own and he couldn't even get through reading any of them, he was so so embarrassed.
He texted Jen back, "Can we please delete that video, I hate it. Turn off the comments. Jen, this could have an issue on my actual job. Seriously."
"Love, can you keep still? Stop moving," Olivia murmured, "you're going to make me vomit."
"Sorry, sweetheart, I'll get up… I didn't mean to wake you."
"No, don't go anywhere…" she replied sleepily, "you're nice and warm and I don't feel good." She curled in to him and he let out a deep breath and tried to close his eyes but he felt jittery and worried about how upset Olivia might get.
"Okay," Olivia pulled away after a minute, "what is it? What's wrong?"
"Nothing," he said quickly.
She flopped on to her back and stared at the ceiling for a moment to get her bearings. "I can feel something's off with you, you won't keep still, you just woke me up talking to yourself… are you mad at me?"
"No, no not at all…"
"Are you mad at my job?," she asked
"Yes, but what's new," he replied, "its okay, it's nothing anyone did, I just woke up feeling funny, but I'm not mad."
She turned back to face him and sighed. "Five weeks, Trevor…" she told him, "five weeks you've been living here. I sleep next to you every night and have been for long enough to know your usual morning routine, you don't usually wake me up like this. Are you going to talk to me?"
He sighed, "I'm concerned you're going to be mad at me…I just might not have thought something through…"
"Tell me," she prompted him and he knew he couldn't keep it to himself, either Jen or Angela was going to spill to her and he rathered that it would come from him.
He opened his phone up and handed it to Olivia. She reached over to her bedside table and picked up her glasses. She looked over the new video he'd showed her a few nights earlier that Jen had uploaded from when he was back at the farm. It was part two of his sour dough directions.
She glanced at the video, unsure of what she was looking at. "What?," she prompted him, "you look like a devastatingly hot guy who knows how to make a good loaf of sour dough, what's the issue?"
As soon as she asked the question her eyes fell upon the amount of likes the sheer volume of comments.
"Fuck!," her eyes widened. "Trevor, did you really go viral?"
He covered his face. "I think so, tell me it's not real… what if I get in to trouble at work?"
Olivia really couldn't believe he thought she would be upset. She laughed with disbelief, "honey, how would you get in to trouble? What did you do? You're fully clothed, you're just sharing fucking recipe and a walk-through guide of how to make a great sour dough, you didn't do anything illegal," she paused, "unless you've been sending dick pics to some of the thirsty girls in these comments…" she added casually.
"Of course not! Gross! Olivia why would you even say that?!"
She snickered, ignoring him, reading some of the comments, "Wow, listen to this, I wish he'd knead my titties the way he's kneading that dough."
"I'm so fucking embarrassed," he murmured, rolling over to bury his face in the pillow.
Olivia laughed, "I'm not mad, I'm actually impressed…" she giggled. "Trevor, this is kind of lovely, you are a good person, you're doing a good thing and you look ridiculously hot, I'm not shocked that it kind of blew up…. Just don't forget me when you're an influencer."
He made a revolted noise from the back of his throat that Olivia laughed at. "Come on, its okay… you are so sweet to think I could be upset. Why would I possibly be upset?"
"Because of the comments, I guess… I also don't want to embarrass you."
"I'm not embarrassed, love, I am proud of you. You are doing what you love and apparently already quite successfully. Congratulations." She inched closer to him and put an arm around him, kissing his neck. "I love you. This is fucking adorable and a little bit hilarious."
"Are you worried about me having you on my Instagram? I can delete it."
"No, you've never mentioned my name or showed Noah's face, I'm okay with that."
He opened up his arms and Olivia sidled up to him. "I don't care about the comments, baby, I trust you and to be honest, even if I had my doubts, I can't control what you do."
"I turned my private messaging off, only people who I follow can direct message me and Jen handles the other page."
Olivia smiled, "So it's fine… you've done absolutely nothing wrong, sweetheart."
"I didn't mean to wake you… look at Jen's messages, they're being so mean…"
Olivia opened the phone and saw all the laughter and the teasing and berating and couldn't help but to laugh. She replied, "Fuck off Jenna, leave my famous man alone. He can't text anymore, we're out looking for an agent, he's done with you guys, on to bigger and better things." She hit send and then sent a few more laughing faces after it.
She looked at his face, surveying his almost-entirely fresh shaven face. "Hey… I was thinking," she began, "I actually don't feel very well and I was thinking about what might make me feel better, and I think… we should do a trip to the farm. I miss the fresh air."
"What about work…?," he questioned, noticing the glint in her eyes, "what about the apartment?"
Olivia sighed and shrugged, "I really don't have the emotional capacity to deal with it right this second, but… after last night I felt really mad and I just want to hang out with you and Noah and have the space to do that."
"But you're back at work on Wednesday."
"I'm sick… I'm taking leave til Saturday or maybe Monday, I don't know… I'll get a doctor note. Even the Captain said last night that I should take some time if I needed, I don't think they've ever seen me so emotional about a case."
It was healthy at least, if Olivia was taking some time when it was needed. "Okay… so why don't we just do a little bit here today, we have Angela, she can help, I really just … feel strongly about making this feel more permanent than having boxes in the foyer." He paused, "I think the fact that you're avoiding it makes me nervous."
She shook her head, "No it's not that, it's just a big task in my head right now and I want you here but I just don't know where to start… the way my brain feels, I don't know, its just a lot, Trev and it's nothing about me not wanting to solidify our living together, please don't think that."
"What if…" he began, "what if we go to the farm and we see if Jen and the kids can come back for a few days and help us with it all, would that make you feel like it's not as overwhelming? If we had more help? You could ask Amanda too…"
"I guess…" she nodded.
"Okay… well, why don't I get up and check on Noah and see what Ange is doing and see if she wants to come back with us or what her plans are… you try to sleep, I don't think you've had enough of it."
"Mmm," she sighed. He was right, her eyelids were still heavy and she still felt a little emotional. Her eyes were puffy from the night of crying.
He climbed over her, straddling her for a moment, pulling the covers right up over him. He smiled, his stomach against hers. "I love you so much," he told her, "I love getting to wake up to you every single morning," he added.
"Me too," she murmured, feeling his lips connect with hers. He let his hand travel down to her breast, smoothing her supple skin.
"I love how your body reacts the second you wake up…" he added, her nipple hardening immediately.
She chuckled, not being able to deny how good it felt. He shimmied down, taking her breast in his mouth without any warning. She let her eyes fall shut. She loved that sometimes he showed her some affection without it having to always lead to sex, sometimes it was just something that left her wanting more, but she knew when the time was more appropriate, they'd see to finishing what he'd began. She chuckled under her breath, resisting the urge to shrug him away from her, but it felt too good.
She felt his tongue swirling around her nipple, his hand kneading the flesh of her other breast, always gentle and never too rough. She tried not to make any noise except the gasp when his lips closed around the sensitive part of her breast and the tip of his tongue flicked gently over the hardened bead.
"You need to stop," she whispered.
"Do I?," he asked, lifting his mouth for a second to look up into her flushed face.
She smiled at him, "No…" she weakened, "no… don't stop…"
There was already a dull ache between her legs that she couldn't deny any longer. She felt a sense of impatience as his hand slowly explored her body all the way down. He shifted his weight to the side, back beside her to allow himself the room to touch her. He didn't waste too much time, getting the idea that she wasn't in the mood for a long, drawn out teasing.
His hand slipped beneath the waistband of her flimsy briefs and met with her immediate arousal. She whimpered quietly as she felt his fingertips brushing along her centre. It was almost too early for this, mixed with her exhaustion and her love for him, she was feeling more relaxed than she perhaps she usually would have been.
She closed her eyes and hooked an arm around his neck, her fingers grazing against his scalp. She couldn't help but let out a soft moan as he positioned his fingers along her entrance, stroking her teasingly, making her body beg for him. She pressed her hips against his finger tips, but conscious of seeming too eager.
She knew she was getting wetter, she could feel her arousal as her body became a little heated. She glanced up at him, he had let go of her breast and was now studying her, gazing at her, trying to read her every slight reaction. Her pleasure was always such a turn on. When he knew he could make her come, it made him want to come.
With no warning what-so-ever, he plunged two fingers inside of her. She moaned involuntarily, perhaps a little loudly. Trevor laughed, capturing it with his mouth over hers. He deftly moved in and out of her slowly, allowing her to get used to his intimate and unannounced onslaught of pleasure.
Trevor felt her walls tighten around his fingers and it was his turn to softly moan in to her mouth, he could only imagine how it would feel around his hardening erection. He leaned over and kissed her deeply, letting his tongue intrude her mouth, mirroring the same ministrations of his fingers submerged deep inside of her, moving rhythmically above her. She clutched on to him, grabbing at his flesh, her fingertips biting in to the back of his shoulder blade.
She hadn't wanted him this badly just minutes earlier but now it was all she could think of. She had never really been one to be sold on morning sex, usually she was interested only in snuggling, but as he brought her to the precipice of an orgasm so early that it was only just light outside, she felt satisfied and eager to have him inside of her.
It was the stress of the last few days of work, the upset, the tears, the desperation and the deep, deep want to just be able to go home and lay in his arms, comforted by his affection that made her want him more. It was his kind words, his unending patience despite his own frustrations with her job.
She wanted him, all of it, all of him was a turn on to her.
With a confidence Olivia didn't know she had, she looked at Trevor with a glow of lucidity. "Fuck me..." she commanded. "I want to feel your cock inside of me, toss me around, make me feel something new..."
Trevor grinned at her, surprised but not upset with her bluntness. "yeah?" he murmured, "what do you want me to do? want me to go fast or slow?"
"Both," she replied, "I want you to make me come and I wanna make you come so hard inside of me, whatever you want, I'm yours..."
He kissed her gently, slowly pulling his fingers out from inside of her. "You want me to fuck you fast and slow and toss you around a little..." he chuckled, "you are so fucking sexy..."
She lifted her head to kiss him again, "so why are we still talking?" She almost yelped when she felt the head of his cock teasing her clitoris just inside of her opening. She hadn't been expecting that.
He reached beneath her, lifting her ass slightly so he could push himself inside of her warmth, making an ocean of arousal pool between them. He took her arms in both of his hands. He kissed her a few times, letting her get used to him burying himself within her until he pulled out completely.
Without any notice, he flipped her over until she was on her stomach, "is this what you meant?," he asked? "You want me to try something different?," he asked, his voice hushed but with deliberateness and almost a bossy edge.
"Yes," she told him, lifting her ass to the sky, leaning forward, making it hard for him not to resist. He got to his knees, adjusting her as he leaned over, holding on to the headboard. He grabbed her ass in his large hand, allowing himself the room to enter her from behind.
Olivia moaned softly, he had never been inside of her from behind, not from this angle she thought, hoping deeply that he wasn't going to take advantage of her position and do like a couple of others in her past, oops, sorry, I slipped, she heard it a few times, but Trevor seemed to know exactly what he was doing as he slammed in to her over and over and over again, almost making it impossible for her to not make a sound. And he never 'missed'.
He basked in a feeling of a complete connection between them — freedom; the freedom to be open to say what she wanted, to feel as she wanted and to do it with confidence and no fear of him making fun of her or turning her down. She felt every bit of him moving in and out, filling her deeply and making it hard for her to not jump each time the thickness of his head connected with that spot.
"I knew you'd like how it felt to be fucked from this angle," he chuckled, hearing her quiet whimpers of pleasure, "you deserve the relief…"
She somehow managed to laugh between the pleasure and the breathlessness; he wasn't wrong, it was a good position. He felt her wetness sliding over him and it was almost too much to take. He could feel her knees start to give beneath her, so he tried something else. He pulled out and flopped down on the bed, facing her, "here, get on top…" he told her, as he went to sprawl out on to his back.
She turned and smiled at him. "No… I don't want to do that…" she told him with decisiveness. Instead, she positioned herself in front of him, shimmying up so that she was slightly above his glistening cock. She slid down on it, with his help guiding it in to her.
He let out of a puff of air as her walls tightened around him. He began to rock back and forth inside of her, pushing her a little way forward to allow himself a better angle. He planted kisses on her shoulder before laying his mouth over the back of her neck, working on the spot that made her go crazy.
A groan erupted from her lips as he reached around finding her bundle of nerves at her opening, softly drawing circles around it. He could feel her tightening. He moved faster in and out until he couldn't stand it anymore, feeling the familiar feeling overcoming him.
He could tell by the way her breathing changed and the way her body froze, clenching herself around him that an orgasm was washing over her, her legs trembled and the warmth spread throughout her body like little ripples of pleasure. He continued to thrust deeply until she felt the warmth of him inside of her, between her walls and spilling out. She loved it, she loved it when he came inside of her, she knew it was one step closer to their family — or so she hoped and prayed so.
She was breathless and she knew he was too as he went a little limp for a moment.
"Fuck…." He muttered. "Good fucking morning, Olivia Benson…"
"Good morning," she giggled, turning to face him. She rubbed his chest, ignoring the mess between them. He kissed her softly. "An exceptional way to wake up…"
"You're telling me…" he chuckled, kissing her again.
"I love you…"
"I love you too," he replied.
He held her close for a few moments. "You're so beautiful, I love this…" he murmured, kissing her forehead and rubbing her arm. She loved the way he caressed her skin and stroked her hair after sex. She felt his hands on her stomach, tracing circles around her belly. "Did you really feel sick? Or do you just feel stressed about work?," he asked as if her words from earlier had suddenly only just hit.
"I really feel a bit bleh, so tired that it's making me feel nauseous. It's been like that for a couple days. I vomited yesterday morning because I felt giddy, I need a break, work's been too much, I have to admit and you know for me that's a lot to say outloud."
He kissed her again. "I hope you can go back to sleep now…"
She flashed him a smile. "I think you exhausted me, I think I'll be able to have a little snooze."
He continued making lazy little circles all over her body. "Are you happy with me though? Is everything good with us?," he asked, "if there's anything you need me to do more of, or whatever I can do to make life easier-"
She smiled at him with adoration, "Baby, just waking up next to you, knowing you're at home, knowing that you can be trusted to hold down the fort— it's so much already, it's absolutely the best thing that's happened to my life in a long time and on top of that to have Angela here to help with Noah and to be working with her to help her with her project, it's all I could have dreamed for — maybe that's why work is pissing me off, it leaves no room for anything but work."
He listened and nodded, he didn't want to offer anymore opinions that might mess with her ability to make choices for herself. "You know I'm gonna be here no matter what."
"THanks and you have no idea how much I love you for that."
He kissed her lips. "I'm going to get up and shower and go and organise breakfast or something. I'll leave you to sleep for a couple of hours, love okay?"
"Thanks… you're a dream boat."
He smiled softly as he rolled out of bed and covered her over. "Love you, sweetheart."
/
"Oh no, Mommy's so sick," Noah remarked as Trevor had pulled off the road.
"Mommy's okay," Ange told him softly, "and it's okay, Daddy's with her, he'll make her feel better," she smiled at the little boy who looked genuinely upset.
She reached forward to the little refrigerated compartment in Trevor's range rover and pulled out a bottle of carbonated water. It was chilled and would probably be exactly what she needed to settle her stomach.
A few minutes later Olivia got back in to the car. "You good?" Trevor asked gently. She nodded. "Sorry guys," she said to Angela and Noah.
"Mommy you're so sick," Noah informed her.
"Its okay, Mommy's just a bit car-sick," she assured her son. "Remember when we came to Trevor's farm last time and you got sick? It's just like that…"
"Here Liv," Angela cut in, leaning forward, drink this, it'll settle your stomach. She handed her the bottle of water. "Small sips, doctor's orders."
"Thanks Ange…" Olivia took a sip and made a face, feeling terrible in her stomach. Ange reached in to her handbag. "Here, snack on this, put something light in your stomach." It was a plain granola bar.
"Oh honey, I don't know if I can stomach it."
"Okay well it's either this or a banana, either way you're going to have to put something in your stomach or else you're stomach acid is not going to agree with you," she bargained with her brother's girlfriend.
"Okay I'll take the banana"
/
Olivia climbed straight in to bed when she got to the farm. Trevor checked in on her and left her an little bottle of carbonated orange juice and took Noah to say hello to Jen and Joey and the kids.
Angela went back to the guest house and settled in. She'd planned on staying a little longer and start looking around for a car for organising for her things to get delivered to her. She had enjoyed her few weeks with Olivia, staying at Trevors for a week or two before she started feeling a little isolated and lonely and Olivia had insisted she come back to her apartment.
She was keen to see Jen though, she'd missed her and wanted to fill her in on the decisions she'd made. She knew Jen would be happy that finally Angela was staying home for good.
She got changed in to a pair of active tights and a tank top and her favourite sneakers and headed over to her brother's house with a little concern for Olivia. Passing Trevor's house — what was her family home growing up, she paused she decided to check on Olivia.
She could hear Olivia vomiting from the landing of the stairs. She called out as she headed up to the bedroom. "Liv, it's me, I'm coming in…" she opened the door and went straight for the bathroom where she found Liv hunched over the porcelain bowl. "Oh, Liv… you poor thing," she went to the sink and found a cloth and ran it under cold water.
She put it over her wrist and took a handful of Liv's hair and held it up as she wretched in to the bowl and placed it over the back of her neck. The coldness shocked her, but it soothed how hot she had become.
She waited for her to finish before letting go of her hair. "Thanks…" Liv murmured, her throat hurting from the bile that came up, irritating her.
"Okay, Liv, I have a stomach alkaliser in my medical kit in my suitcase. I'm gonna go and get it. How many times have you been sick today?," she wanted to know. Olivia got herself up off the tiles and went and rinsed her mouth out and slowly made her way to bed.
"I don't know," she shivered, "maybe three or four times…"
"Okay, I've got something that'll help quell the vomiting. I'll be back in about 5 minutes," she pulled the covers over her. "Look at me," Angela demanded. Olivia glanced at her. Angela sat on the edge of the bed. "Look up," she said, gently pressing her thumb beneath her eye and pulling her skin down to see the pink beneath her eyeline. "You're a little dehydrated and a little pale on the inside your eyes," she informed her. She was talking more to herself.
She grabbed her wrist and took her pulse. "Have you eaten anything weird?"
Olivia shook her head. "No, just what you guys ate."
"Okay, I'll be back in a minute and I'll bring you a soda or some gatorade or something, you need to replace the electrolytes and despite how disgusting you feel, you can't stop drinking fluids."
/
Olivia couldn't remember a time where she felt more rotten and miserable. She groaned and rolled over and clamped her eyes shut, trying to force herself to go to sleep.
It felt like only minutes later when she was awoken to Angela at her bedside. She put a bucket down beside the bed. "Here, Liv, sit up for a second and drink this for me…" she held a small glass of water and a little sachet. "I know the last thing you want to do is guzzle something like this, but it's hospital grade to quell nausea and it'll work pretty fast and if that doesn't work I have some Zofran I can give you."
"Okay," Olivia agreed and took the glass of water with the solution and guzzled it down despite the almost unavoidable urge to vomit immediately. She gave the glass back to Angela and took a few deep breaths so that it didn't come straight back up.
"You think you can hold it down?," she asked Liv. Olivia glanced at Trevor's sister who sat in front of her looking gorgeous and thin in her active wear, her beautiful long ash blonde hair tossed to one side.
"Mmm…" Olivia replied, scared if she spoke she may just bring it back up.
"Just keep taking deep breaths and focus on that. Lay back down and try to sleep."
"Thanks," Liv muttered.
/
Angela met Jen downstairs. "Got it?," she asked her sister-in-law.
"Yeah," Jen laughed, "do you think she's pregnant already?"
"Oh yeah," Angela laughed, "she has zero suspicion. I noticed yesterday morning she started feeling sick after she had dairy and she was crying her heart out all night last night and kept apologising telling us how she was so exhausted and there'd been a tough case, it was just… out of character."
Jen handed her the pregnancy test so she could look at it. "Oh… by the way, hi!" Angela laughed, throwing her arms around her, squeezing Jen tightly. "Should we go and wake her up and demand she take the test?"
Jen laughed, hugging her back. "I missed you kiddo. Maybe we don't demand her to take it, but… I wanna see her because I've missed her too and maybe we will prompt her to take it."
They both went upstairs feeling excited. "I mean, there's a chance she's got food poisoning," Angela said as they stood outside of her bedroom. They both looked at each other and laughed softly, aware that their excitement could have just been projection.
Jen pushed open the bedroom door and climbed on to the bed beside Olivia. "Honey, wake up, it's me, your viral internet sensation boyfriend…" she teased softly. Angela stifled her laughter.
Olivia didn't open her eyes, "Piss off Jenna…" she murmured but a thin smile spread across her pale lips as she pulled the blanket up higher.
"How are you feeling honey?," she asked, holding her hand to her forehead. "I missed you… I hope you feel better soon."
"I missed you too," she opened her eyes, "I feel like shit, how long have I been asleep for?," she asked Angela.
"I don't know, maybe 15 minutes, has the drink worked?"
"I think so…"
"Olivia, I have a question for you… are you awake enough or do you want us to just leave you alone for a few hours."
"No, it's okay," she replied, "stay… since my kid and my man abandoned me."
Olivia moved over in to the centre of the bed and pulled the blankets back, "you can get in too, if you want…" she told Angela.
Angela kicked off her shoes and smiled happily, slotting in beside her sister in law. "Liv, question, when was your last period?"
"Last month, I'm due…" she replied, turning over slightly, not giving even a slight thought to Angela's question.
"Okay," she replied, "Liv, Jen has a pregnancy test for you to take. I think you're pregnant."
"What?" Olivia asked, her eyes opening, her sleepiness seemed to pass for a moment. "What do you mean? Why would you think that?"
"Because you're vomiting your insides up, you were sick yesterday, you've mentioned nauseousness a few times, you have been really emotional and even you said that's unlike you and you are beyond exhausted. I checked your eyes before and the rims of your eyes are not red, that shows low iron which is associated with pregnancy…"
She sat up slowly and looked at Jen. "Do you think that?"
"I think Angela makes a strong case for pregnancy, but I don't want to get your hopes up, it might be a stomach bug or anxiety or some sadness over what you saw at work— but it's worth it to check," she replied.
"Okay," Olivia replied. She wasn't too concerned, despite how badly she wanted to become pregnant, she really didn't feel like it was a possibility just yet. She felt like Angela and Jen were as hopeful as she was, but perhaps they were a little ahead of themselves.
"What do I have to do…" Jen picked up the box that she'd put on Trevor's side and fished out the stick and handed it to Olivia, "go and pee on the stick and wait 5 minutes and check it," Jen instructed her.
Olivia took it and looked at it for a moment and took a deep breath. She was impressed with whatever it was that Angela had given her, her nausea was still swirling but the urge to vomit was gone. She craved some fruit, something like an orange or a juicy pear. "Jenna, do you guys have some fruit?"
"Yes Liv, we have some fruit, go and pee and I'll get you some fruit."
"Love you…" she called over her shoulder.
Jen smiled and looked at Angie, "Yeah, I think she's pregnant…" she whispered.
Angela laughed. "My anti-nausea sachets worked, I'll get both of you some more, Liv might need it. Do you still have morning sickness?"
"Just a bit," Jen replied, "only some mornings, it's more mild than it was with the girls, I'm still really tired though."
Olivia re-emerged a few moments later with the pee stick. "What do I do with it?," she asked.
"Put it down and wait." Angela told her. Olivia set down on a piece of toilet paper and climbed back in to bed. "I figured out that I could be sick from falafel I got from a street vendor last night… I was so hungry and needed to eat something, so I just grabbed a little bit of pita and falafel, it was probably that."
Both Jen and Angela couldn't believe how lax Olivia was, how little she had bought in to the idea of being pregnant despite all the signs being in front of her nose.
"Oh yeah," Jen agreed humourlessly, "that's probably it, bad falafel." Angela had to bite her lip not to laugh but Olivia didn't seem to pick up on it. She rolled over, rolling on to her stomach.
"Ugh, this feels shitty…I just wanna get up and eat something, my stomach feels so raw."
"I'll go and get you some fruit in a minute. What would you like?"
"Oranges or pears or … a super ripe peach," she murmured.
"Okay… I can get you something."
She made no attempt to move, nor did Angela who had set her phone and the two of them watched it count down until there was just thirty seconds left. "Do you want me to tell you the outcome of your test, Liv?" Angelia asked, "or do you want to look at it?"
"You can…" Liv replied, her words muffled by the pillow.
"Okay, well…" the alarm went off and Angie canceled it. She picked up the dry end of the test and glanced at it. She was unsurprised but shocked just the same. Her eyes widened. She cleared her throat. "Olivia, do you want to be pregnant to my brother?"
"Yes…" she replied.
Jen knew. She knew from Angela's face and from her slow, calm tone.
"Well that's really good to know, because you are pregnant with my brother's child…"
"What?" Liv asked, lifting her face, "what do you mean? Are you kidding? Don't fuck with me, Ange…" she sat up, grabbing the test from her hands. "Its got two blue lines… what does that mean?"
"It means you're pregnant Liv…" Jen told her blinking slowly. "Did you really think you weren't pregnant?"
She stared from Jen to Angela and then back at the test. She seemed confused and scratched her head. "Are you sure?," she asked, "like… could this be wrong? We haven't even been actively trying for long…"
"Wait, wait, wait—" Angela stopped her, "you're actively trying to get pregnant? Fuck… well no fucking wonder you're pregnant Liv…"
"Congratulations pregnant Olivia," Jen pitched in. "At least you know there's a worthy reason to feel this shit…"
Olivia was trying to process it all and even though on paper it made sense, in her brain, it didn't. "Wait though, are you sure?"
"Yes, the accuracy of the tests are high, Olivia. I think maybe we should give you a minute and go and get Trevor to come have a chat… what do you think?"
Bewildered she nodded. "Yeah… okay… thanks…"
/
Trevor was worried when Jen and Angela had told him Olivia was asking for him. He went straight upstairs and found her sitting up in bed looking a little better than she had earlier. She looked up to see him and immediately burst in to tears.
"Aww, love, what's wrong?," he asked. She covered her face, embarrassed. He climbed on to the bed and pulled the covers back so he could get close to her, her wrapped his arms around her and kissed her temple. "What happened?"
"Nothing…" she sniffed, "I don't know why I'm crying," she told him mid-sob.
"Why don't you tell me what's wrong?"
She picked up the pregnancy test and showed him. He stared for a moment and glanced up at her. "Oh, sweetheart, why are you crying? I thought this is what you wanted?," he spoke slowly and carefully, worried that she had a change of heart.
He could barely contain his own feelings.
"It is, but I'm just shocked," she laughed and sobbed at the same time, "I guess I just… I can't believe it, it's always seemed like it could never happen for me and even though we were trying, I genuinely expected that nothing would come of it so I placed zero hope in it."
A smile spread across Trevor's lips, "Olivia," he began, taking her upper arms in his hands, "we are going to have a baby…" he told her with seriousness. "You're gonna be a Mom again and I'm gonna be a Dad again and Noah is going to get to be a big brother, this is amazing."
She nodded, hanging on to his words. "I think I need to take another test because I'm scared it's a trick…"
Trevor managed a laugh and pulled her close, cuddling her, "It's not a trick, but we can do another test or and book for you to see a doctor to get it confirmed."
Olivia wiped her eyes. "I'm really going to grow a baby in me…" she remarked quietly. She slowly smiled at him. "You're gonna be a Dad…"
"I'm already a Dad," he replied, "but I'm gonna be a Dad times two and that makes me so fucking happy, Liv…" he kissed her lips. "Congratulations."
"Congratulations, sour dough Daddy," she couldn't help but to tease.
He managed a laugh. "I love you so much and I'm so excited to be doing this with you…"
"Me too, I love you too…"
He kissed her again, holding her close.
