"So, let me make sure I'm understanding this," Master Xio said, her voice a little unsteady with disbelief. "You've been racing – something I still don't necessarily approve of and we will need to address more healthy coping mechanisms eventually – specifically to fund your own personal war against slavery, and you're doing so by hiring a bounty hunter that hates Jedi."

"I had hired him," Anakin said, trying not to sound (or feel) sheepish, "before he figured out that I was likely a Jedi myself."

The white-haired woman nodded with a strained smile. Anakin couldn't tell exactly what she was feeling at the moment, but while he doubted it was anger, he also figured that if anyone could drive their therapist to the dark side, it would be him.

"Right. On top of all of that, this is a man who is working – knowingly or not – for the very Sith we are trying to stop any information from getting to. And this isn't just any random mercenary either, he's an extremely intelligent, very well trained man considered the best of the best of his home world – a world that basically worships fighting, battle and war as well as the skills that will allow one to excel at them. And he had enough information to figure out that your identity as a grown alien, Luke Lars, is also the eleven-standard-year-old Jedi Initiate, Anakin Skywalker. Have I left anything out?"

Well… when she put it like that.

He never would have made this mistake in his 45-year-old body.

Part of that may have had something to do with the dark side, but mostly, he suspected it came back to child's brain and hormones that he currently had to make do with.

Again.

"That is… an accurate, if succinct description."

Master Xio closed her eyes and took a breath, obviously trying to gather her thoughts. Besides her, Yoda was giving him a distinctly unimpressed look while Girth seemed troubled, if thoughtful. Anakin sat in his seat across from the three of them, trying not to twitch uncomfortably. Former Sith didn't twitch. Fully trained Jedi didn't twitch. Eleven-year-olds did, but that was besides the point. When he'd woken up the morning after he and Siri's 'talk' with Jango, he'd contacted the three of them to ask them to come to his meeting with Girth today. Fortunately, Master Xio and Master Yoda had both been able to make room in their schedules.

Eventually, Master Xio looked over at Girth who glanced at her and shrugged, his nose twitching as what Anakin had come to realize was a wan smile crossed his lips. He gestured for her to continue.

She sent him a smile of thanks and turned back to Anakin, face impressively calm if her previous frustration was anything to go by.

"Anakin, I have to say that while I am impressed by your good intentions and initiative, this is also what we mean when we say you have reckless tendencies, likely from your Emotional Regulation Disorder. Can you honestly tell me you thought through all of the consequences of your actions when you hired this man? The possible outcomes? The risks that even contacting him represented?"

Well… no. Thinking through all of the possibilities had never been his strong suit. He'd thought he'd gotten better at it recently, but now that he really thought about it, perhaps not. What was worse, he wasn't even sure he could entirely blame that one on his youngling-brain.

"I did think through some of the possibilities," he said softly.

Another slow intake of breath. "Yes or no, Anakin," she said, not unkindly. "Did you think it through as much as you could have?"

She wasn't trying to be condescending. He knew that. It still rankled a little. He quickly squashed that annoyance and took a deep breath. Then he looked her in the eye, straightened his shoulders, and shook his head.

"No."

She nodded, managing another small smile, but it felt both more real and more sad somehow.

"Then what could you have done to prevent this situation?"

Sighing, and trying to let his irritation at being treated like a child go (his body was, and he needed to accept that fact), he thought about it for a moment before he spoke. "I approached him because I know that as far as bounty hunters and mercenaries go, he's one of the most honorable. He rarely minces words when asked a direct question and follows a code – one I know. I thought I could hide my identity from him. Who would believe that the tall possible Jedi and the Jedi initiate were the same? It would have worked had he not been there to free my mother when the Jedi went to free her." He paused and his heart still skipped a beat in happiness over that thought.

He turned to Yoda and smiled warmly. "Thank you again for that, Master Yoda."

The ancient master just nodded his head humbly.

After a moment, Anakin looked back at Master Xio. "I could have put more time into researching a trustworthy mercenary who would have been able to do the job." He'd had a lot on his plate at the time, but honestly, he could have found someone else had he not been so impatient. Jango Fett wasn't the only mercenary out there who was good at what he did. He wasn't even the only honorable one. And, to be fair, Anakin had sent out several other inquiries… but he'd known which one he'd put more time and effort into hiring.

Part of him was sure it had to do with the fact that Vader had gone to certain bounty hunters during his time in the Empire, and he'd known who he could trust to get the job done. He hated the idea that he'd relied on anything that Vader had taken comfort in, but now that he looked at it, it was the simple truth. He'd been impatient, he'd taken a shortcut to save on time and stress. He was now paying the price for it.

Master Xio seemed to deflate a little as she nodded. "Yes, the timing was… unfortunate, but I do think the point still stands. If you want to make a change or act on an impulse – if you feel you have to do something – think it through as much as you can. Then take a step back and think it through some more. Try to find different angles and look outside of the box. I know this may sound basic or like overkill, but changing yourself comes about by reducing your actions and thoughts to the very basics and building new habits from scratch."

Yes, he knew that. From what he understood, even adults in adult bodies with adult brains that needed to change their lives had to go back to the childish basics to do so. That may be the one thing this child's body was actually good for – forcing him to return to the basics of his personality and working from there. That and the energy. He'd missed this energy as an adult.

He'd known all of this before he'd even come to therapy to an extent. That didn't make it any easier to hear or impliment.

"I… have gotten better," he half admitted, half defended himself.

Her smile warmed considerably.

"I don't doubt it. I may not have known you but from what you've told us… well, we are proud of you." She turned and gestured to the others. But then her expression turned pointed. "That doesn't stop the fact that this was still reckless and something that could have been avoided. It isn't something we can change now, but it is something to remember for future reference."

Anakin sighed but nodded. "I will remember," he said. He didn't know if that would fix anything, but he would remember. He doubted he could forget.

"That being said," Girth spoke up, "I must say that your control of your temper was impressive. No one got hurt, no one died, and no one… er… Fell. Is that the correct term?" he asked, turning to Master Xio.

She nodded. "Indeed."

Anakin snorted derisively, remembering the pain on Siri's face. "I almost Fell a minimum of three times and definitely touched the dark side."

"Hmm, but use it, you did not," Yoda commented.

Girth nodded. "Exactly. I know you may not feel like it, but this is actually a positive development, Anakin. Confronted with something that you were not expecting that definitely threw a hydro-spanner into our plans, your first instinct for decades was to reach for the darkness and to eliminate whatever was in front of you. That is not an easy habit to break."

Anakin almost snorted again. Didn't he know it.

"But, after only two years, you recognized it and you fought it. The instinct was still there, but that doesn't stop the fact that you won."

Anakin stared at the three beings sitting across from him, all nodding in agreement to Girth's statement. He… had fought it. Hard. But he wouldn't have been able to succeed if…

"Again, only because someone was there to stop me."

Girth's own snort was soft and somehow encouraging. "That's what a support system is for. And the thing is, even if you had help, you still made it – you still fought it. And from what I understand, that is no small feat."

Anakin opened his mouth to protest, after all Girth knew very little of the Force, but Yoda beat him to it.

"Right, Healer Girth is," the Grandmaster said. Anakin slowly closed his mouth as the smaller being continued. "Relying on others, a weakness it is not. Hear this often, you do, hmm?"

Yes, this was just the latest in a long line of people telling him that. It didn't make it any more believable.

The old troll shook his head. "Rely on others, you should, until stand on your own against the darkness, you can."

If he could. That didn't look like it would happen any time soon, but he didn't want to voice that thought right now. So he looked away from Yoda, but nodded anyway.

"Yes, sir."

Yoda harrumphed. "A slave-master, I am not. If believe me, you do not, then say so, you can."

Well, he hadn't kept his silence for that reason, but he did appreciate Yoda voicing the thought. A very small, but real smile tugged at the corners of his mouth and he nodded his thanks. Then his expression fell as his mind returned to the subject at hand.

"I hate having to rely on others," he said. "That failed me once."

The mind-healers exchanged glances while Yoda frowned.

"Failed you before that, did it?" he asked.

Anakin frowned. As a child, he'd had his mother and many of the other slaves. As a Jedi… well, he'd had Obi-wan later, but not initially. And Tru – his best friend. And Darra and even Ferus to an extent.

And Palpatine.

It always came back to him.

"No," he finally said, looking out the window and towards the Senate building. "But that once was enough." Well, there had been the mess with the other three Padawans on Korriban, but that had been just as much his own fault as it had been anyone else's. Like most things, he supposed. And he'd chosen to trust the wrong people on a mission here or there, but for the most part, approaching a problem with help hadn't been uncommon for him before he Fell, even if he hadn't consciously realized it at the time.

Which may have been why he hadn't known how to stand up to Palpatine without anyone else there to back him up.

"It worked too well," he said quietly, subdued. "I relied on people… and they left me alone. In the end, I couldn't stand on my own." Although, to be fair, he'd never tried. Oh, he'd tried to go against the grain, to change things to how he thought they should be and be the one everyone else could rely on, but being truly independent had never been one of his goals. He'd actively worked against the ideal, to be honest.

"Sapient, other beings are," Yoda pointed out. "Mistakes, they will make."

Well, yes. And part of Anakin's Emotional Regulation Disorder was the tendency to put people on pedestals that they couldn't continuously live up to. But he also balked at the idea of leaning on someone – emotionally or otherwise – he couldn't consistently look up to. Although… hadn't he been doing just that with Siri? He knew she wasn't perfect. He didn't expect her to come in and save him… and yet, she had. Maybe that was the key? To not expect help, but to accept it when it came? To not go to the extreme of total reliance or total independence? To be able to rely on others when he needed to, but be able to stand on his own when the circumstances required it as well?

To find the middle ground.

The balance.

Huh.

That seemed to be the answer to so many things – finding the middle ground, the center road, the equilibrium. And he was the 'chosen one' after all. He was supposed to balance the Force. All life was born from the Force and all life returned to it. Would balancing normal, non-Force aspects of life also balance the Force?

It was a promising thought, even if he wasn't quite sure of all of its implications.

He realized that the room had gone silent and he filed the thought away for later contemplation before focusing back on the Grandmaster.

"I know that others will make mistakes… that's part of why I find it difficult to rely on them."

"But you know you cannot always expect yourself to shoulder every wrong," Girth ventured carefully, "correct?"

Anakin just stared at him, deadpan. "I would think that was obvious." Everything had gone so terribly when he'd shouldered too much for too long.

The drall didn't respond with anything more than a silent stare. And, to be fair, Anakin knew what he wanted.

He sighed. "Yes, I do know that."

Both Master Xio and Girth looked relieved.

Before they could say anything, though, Master Yoda inserted himself. "Spoken of this, before, we have. Gotten away from the original question, hmm? Return to that, we should."

The furry mind-healer sighed and nodded. "You are correct, Master Yoda," he said then shook his head. "What do we do about this Jango Fett?"

No one answered.

Looking at it pragmatically, they had two options: do something about him, or let it go. But what would they do about it? Try and capture him? Mandalorians had almost as notorious of a reputation for avoiding and escaping capture as Jedi did. Without the Force. And Jango was the best of the best. He'd been enslaved for years, from what Anakin knew, and he'd still managed to escape. With the kinds of conditioning freshly caught slaves went through, that was no small thing. And he'd only improved since then. Was it possible to keep Fett contained? Yes. But it was risky.

Or they could try to kill him.

Even if Anakin could convince the others it was necessary, that was not something he wanted to contemplate right now. Besides, killing him (again, if they managed to do so as it had taken one of the best duelists in the Jedi Order in just the right circumstances to kill him last time) might take care of the problem now, but knowing Jango, he'd have fail-safes that would utterly destroy any plans they could make for the future. He'd proved as much the previous night.

So if they took that option off the table, that left Anakin's least favorite option: just let him go. He hated the idea of giving up any kind of control to someone who hated him like that, but did they have another choice that wouldn't present worse problems and potential outcomes? If they tried to catch him and failed, he'd go to Palpatine. If they tried to kill him and failed, he'd go to Palpatine. If they let him go, he might go to Palpatine anyway.

They didn't have a lot of leeway here, and he knew which option would be most immediately satisfying, but… Which option would Luke prefer?

"While normally I detest waiting," he said slowly, choosing his words with care, "I think that is our best option here."

He didn't like it. He didn't like saying it. The very idea set him on edge. Letting go and trusting Jango to choose correctly, or trusting the Force again… Or both. Although, he did know and had openly acknowledged what could go wrong, which was not something he always had done. At this point, they may as well just assume Palpatine would discover his identity as Luke Lars and prepare.

He looked up to see the three of them smiling at him, each soft and warm and accepting and…

"What?" he asked, confused. Then it clicked and he had to refrain from rolling his eyes. He wasn't that bad. Hadn't been even as Vader. "I simply chose the best option."

Girth grinned, rodent teeth showing. "We know. And we are proud of you."

And didn't that just make his child-brain happy? Ugh.

He refused to acknowledge that aloud and simply focused back on the situation at hand.

Situation. Ha. More like the flaming garbage that was his life.

He sighed. "I feel that I should... apologize." That would never not be difficult to say. "Everything we've worked for is going up in smoke because I cannot keep my secrets secret."

Master Xio shook her head, disagreeing. "While you could have thought many of your decisions regarding this situation through more, you have made a good deal of positive progress as well. Learning to talk about your past has helped you more than you know."

Well, he had to concede that. "Maybe," he said as casually as he could, "but it will all be for naught if it gets back to Palpatine. And at this point, it most likely will."

The taller master sighed and nodded, sitting back in her chair. "Perhaps we should make contingency plans," she suggested.

"Hmm. Good to be prepared, it is," Master Yoda agreed.

Anakin didn't like having to acknowledge that they'd most likely failed that badly, but they were right. They had to have a contingency (or twelve) in place in case something did happen.

"I think we should sleep on it," Master Xio spoke up. "This is a lot to take in and coming up with our own ideas then pooling them and deciding on a plan appeals to me. Anakin and I can go over some of that the day after tomorrow, during our normal session, along with anyone else who wants to come. Until then, we should probably move on as I don't think we can be more productive today."

Well, she wasn't wrong.

Almost as if on cue, a knock came from the door. People wandered up and down the hallway outside on a fairly regular basis, so while Anakin had detected the presences, he'd dismissed them in favor of the conversation. Now, though, he realized who was out there and couldn't stop himself from wincing a little. Perhaps that was why Master Xio wanted to move on? She'd actually paid attention to the approaching presences?

The door opened and a Padawan Anakin didn't know stood there holding the hand of a five-year-old Togruta youngling.

"Skyguy!" she squealed before the Padawan, a human male with blond hair, brown eyes and freckles, could even speak a word. He looked over to the masters in the room, eyes pleading as the girl ran out of his grasp.

With a smile that seemed to barely hold back giggles, Master Xio nodded to him and shooed him away with her hand. His shoulders relaxed and he bowed before turning and leaving, the door sliding closed behind him.

Meanwhile, Ahsoka finished climbing into Anakin's armchair. She hadn't even bothered to ask this time.

"I'm mad at you," she said to his face, bottom lip jutting out and her hands on her hips. Then she settled next to him, barely able to fit seeing as they were both growing. Meanwhile, Master Xio had hidden her laughter behind a hand while Girth's didn't even bother, his chittering laughter mixing with Yoda's humming chuckles.

Part of Anakin wanted to sigh as now they'd have to be more mindful of the youngling in their midst and what they said around her. Part of him could only shake his head in fond amusement at her antics, and a third part of him was grateful she'd come. Both of the mind healers and Master Yoda wanted to make sure there wouldn't be any adverse affects on her after his panicked talk with Jango.

He groaned internally at the prospect of the conversation ahead. It had already been a long day.

"Anakin," Girth asked gently, "before we move on, I'd like to ask that we go back to the basics here. How do you feel?"

He sighed but gave that question thought. "Inadequate," he finally answered. "Overwhelmed, like I've failed… at times like I cannot succeed." He held up a hand to stall protests. "I know. I would like to not feel that way, but I do. I've either given in, threatened to give in, or been on the precipice so many times now… I know that once you start down the dark path it will forever dominate your destiny, but if that's true, why am I here? Why have I come even as far as I have?" It may not have been much, but it was something at least.

"Hmm. Why you are warned to not give into hate and anger, this is," Yoda commented, not unkindly, but definitely pointed.

"Dark?" Ahsoka asked and Anakin winced.

"Cold, the dark side is," the Grandmaster commented softly.

The torgurta blinked. "Dark side?" she asked.

Right, Anakin doubted she'd gotten to those lessons yet.

"Can you describe the Force, Ahsoka?" Master Xio asked. "Does it remind you of something else you know of?"

The youngling blinked, then put a finger to her chin in contemplation.

It was adorable.

"Kind of like a hug, I guess," she finally said, looking a little lost. "But warmer and… floweyer… and tingly."

Master Xio nodded, smiling brightly at the girl. "That's very good, Ahsoka. Now the Force is a source of power as well as light and comfort. But what you will learn later, in your classes, is that the Force has two sides to it. The normal Force, and the dark side. The dark side can seem very powerful, but it is very, very different. It's still powerful, but it is also very dangerous. It hurts people who touch it and use it."

She cocked her head to the side, confused. "But why would anyone want to touch it then?"

Because it's satisfying? It's alluring? It's addicting? Anakin had a list. He wasn't sure he wanted to explain any of it to Ahsoka.

"Ahsoka," Girth spoke up, not sounding condescending at all, but still managing a very calm and welcoming tone. He could see why the drall was a child psychologist. "Do you like candy?"

She blinked and nodded.

"But you know that having too much is bad for you, right?"

She nodded again, albeit slower.

"Having too much candy too often can do harmful things to your body. But even knowing that, if I gave you a sucker right now, would you still want it?"

She didn't answer, instead looking down and to the side. To her credit, she didn't lie at least.

"There are things, like suckers, out there in the galaxy that are even more harmful than sugar. Some make people forget bad things for a while. Some make people feel happy for a little while. Some make people not feel at all. And some," he glanced up at Anakin for a moment. He looked down as the drall went on. "Some give people a power or confidence boost. And some just make people have to have it again and again and again. Even though some of these things can kill you if you use them, some people, mistakenly, think it's worth the risk of dying."

She looked troubled, but she also seemed to grasp the concept at least.

Anakin wasn't sure that was a good thing.

"But… why?"

"Some people don't know how to be happy," Girth responded sadly. "Or they've fallen into habit."

"Habit?" she asked. Anakin got the sense she knew what the word meant, but not why it applied.

Thankfully, probably due to his experience, the furry mind-healer seemed to get that too.

"You get up and brush your teeth every day, right?" Girth asked.

Ahsoka nodded.

"You do it because your crechemaster tells you, right?"

Again, she affirmed with a nod.

"Well, what if she stopped telling you to. Would you still do it?"

She tipped her head to one side, thinking. "Probably."

"Hmm, decisive, Jedi are," Master Yoda piped in. "Be honest with yourself, you must. Would you?"

Ahsoka's jaw tightened in determination and she nodded at them firmly. "Yes. I would."

"That's because it's a habit," Girth went on as if no one else but Ahsoka had spoken. "You know it will do you good and you're used to doing it. Some people make bad habits, like waking up and eating candy instead of good food and not brushing their teeth. Habits can be hard to break. Especially for those things that make you want them again if you try them. That's called addiction."

This time, Master Xio cut in with a nod to Girth. "Healer Girth is right," she said. "And using the dark side is one of those addicting things that make you think you're doing the right thing when you're not."

Ahsoka seemed to contemplate that. Then she frowned and looked up at Anakin. "The cold is like that? Addi… Additing?"

"Addicting," Anakin corrected with a sad smile as he nodded. "Yes, it is. Someone convinced me that using that dark power was a good idea. It took me a long time and a lot of pain to realize that I shouldn't have listened to him… but part of me still wants to use it. I try not to, but sometimes I don't even realize I'm using it. Because we have a bond, when I get close to using it, you feel it through me."

"But… it's so cold! Why would you want to?!" she asked, worried.

He put a hand on her head, between her budding montrals and rubbed it back and forth. "I don't want to. That's the problem."

She seemed to get it then. At least a little more if not fully. Kids really were more perceptive than people gave them credit for.

"I don't like it," she said softly, sitting back and folding her arms with a huff.

"Me neither," Anakin said. Then he gathered himself for the next words. They came more easily than they would have only a few short months ago, but somehow he didn't think it would ever truly be easy. Still, it needed to be done.

"I'm sorry, Ahsoka. I don't mean to scare you."

"I wasn't scared," she protested. He noticed she didn't say it was okay. Well, he was fine with that.

"Then how about I didn't mean to make it feel so cold?"

She pondered that, then nodded. "Okay. I forgive you."

Anakin sighed internally. She said it so easily. Had he ever been that young? That naive? That… whole? It probably didn't help that he still didn't feel like anyone should forgive him.

"You don't have to," he said, resigned. "With how often it happens – and it'll probably happen again, no matter how much I wish otherwise – I don't deserve it; your forgiveness."

He saw Master Xio close her eyes out of the corner of his eye, and Girth bristled, his fur standing on end. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but Ahsoka beat him to it.

"Of course you don't," she said, blinking as if wondering why Anakin didn't know that.

Well, he'd meant it, but that still stung coming from a child, even if she was agreeing with him. Girth's nose began to twitch in agitation.

But again, the little girl beat him to the punch. "Master Kobola says that no one really does. Forgiveness is a gift that is given, and it is never deserved. But I forgive you anyway because I know you don't want to make it cold – and it made me mad when you promised you wouldn't let it be cold anymore, but you did. But it's hard for you. I… don't understand, but we're still friends, Skyguy. I want to forgive you. It's my gift to you!"

With that she practically beamed at him. Anakin could only stare at her, mind completely blank, refusing to work.

Siri had said much the same – that she forgave him anyway. That it wasn't his to earn, but hers to give.

How… how had he missed these absolutely amazing people the first time? He'd cared for Ahsoka – deeply – and to an extent, Siri too, but he hadn't realized how absolutely and utterly amazing they were. Words couldn't seem to describe their almost other-worldly natures if they could understand as much as they did and still forgive a monster like him.

He felt a deep warmth begin to build in his chest, one that rose up his throat and he had to choke it back. He may be in a child's body but he would not cry, kriff it! Still, the feeling reminded him of something – of an all encompassing calm and peace. This is what being one with the Force felt like. These were the emotions that he could only just remember, and part of him longed to immerse himself in it again. But that wouldn't happen for a while. Thankfully, until then, he had these little reminders and they meant all the more to him for it.

"Skyguy?" he heard his future padawan ask and looked down to see her worried face peering up at him. "Did I make you cry? Did I say something bad?"

Almost as if moving on their own, his arms reached out and pulled her to him and he buried his face in her shoulder.

"No, Ahsoka. You said just the right thing. I…" he couldn't think of anything to say. He had a vast vocabulary to draw from if he truly wanted to, but nothing seemed right, so he went back to the two words that came the closest and put every bit of meaning he could into them.

"Thank you."

She still sounded confused when she spoke again. "You're welcome," she said, patting his back. That just made him want to hug her tighter and he would deny a sob to his dying breath. Former Dark Lords of the Sith did not sob. Although the eleven-year-old son of Shmi Skywalker just might.

That humming laugh reached his ears and Master Yoda spoke. "Over eight-hundred years old, I am, and yet, always children, it is, who surprise me most."

An affirming hum from Girth as well. "Moments like this are why I became a child psychologist. Worth every moment."

Anakin took a few more seconds to compose himself before he sat back up, ready to continue the session.

Even his upcoming meeting with Palpatine couldn't dampen his spirits for once.

And it felt good.

AN: Thanks to Just Anne, Laura, Half_Baked_Bunny, Quathis, Khalthar and Carradee for this chapter. No, seriously. :D

Good news for some, bad news for others – this will likely be the last of the therapy chapters. I tried to skip it, I did… but it really didn't work. So for those of you who like them, you get a full-fledged one. For those of you who don't, well, sorry, it had to happen.

Next Chapter: We see consequences of worms, actions, changes in general. Then come the FUN chapters. evil grin What? WHAT?!

Discord Link: discord dot gg /EVUrHMd4za (without spaces, dot = . )

Have a Merry Christmas, or whatever holiday you celebrate! 3